Chasing Cars
by GeeGee21
Summary: Bella, a self confessed cat lady, and the beautiful Daddy E. Two strangers, one night, a whole lot of drink, a bag of marshmallows, a fluffy rug and used condoms, or lack of, leaves B and E with more than just hangovers. AH AU OOC Language
1. Birds

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in Twilight.**

**Song: Birds-** Kate Nash

**BPOV**

I don't need a man.

I don't need a man because I have a man. I have my man. And he loves me unconditionally and all he asks for in return is food and a warm place to sleep. He doesn't talk back, he doesn't leave the toilet seat up and he would never leave me. Unless he dies... he cheers me up when I'm down and if we ever had mice, he would sort it out with no fuss. He kicks ass and I love him.

There. I said it.

My man, Princess Consuela Bananahammock.

Ok, so maybe he's a cat, and he would probably want me to burn in the fiery pits of hell if he actually realised what his name was, but. I liked that episode of Friends and I named him when I was drunk. I think that is a legitimate reason and If anyone was to blame it was alcohol. And then probably Rose for even letting me go near an animal shelter whilst intoxicated; albeit it was probably one of the best things I've ever done to date.

I used to have a 'best things' and 'worst things' list, but when I couldn't think of more than three extremely mind blowing, life altering things I'd done in the past four years, I stopped writing it. My 'worst things' list seemed to go on forever and that shit got depressing. Especially since right at the top, underlined in red pen and circled with an unhappy face next to it was, '_Dropped out of college_'.

I always thought I had some kind of ambition. I never really knew what I wanted to do, where I wanted to go, what I wanted to see, but I knew I wanted to be creative, and happy and all that other clichéd crap that means you haven't failed in life. College was good; I was happy for a while, I was being creative, as far as I could tell I wasn't failing. But then life got shitty again and I dropped out. It's a bad habit, but when the going gets tough, I opt out.

So I guess I'm just Bella Swan the drop out. Or just Bella Swan, the loser who's going nowhere.

This wasn't how I'd planned things, but it's just the way things panned out. To be honest, I never had a plan. Maybe the outlines of one, but not a full out plan. I don't understand how people can think the best way of living is without planning, to an existent, it is. Living in the moment, I guess. But when the moment's over and reality kicks you right in the ovaries, you start to wonder where you are and whether this is it. I had no plan, I lived in 'the moment' for a while, it went wrong and I became completely lost.

I still don't have a clue where I'm going; I don't even know where to start.

But I don't hate my life. I don't feel any particularly strong sentiment towards it. I'm just alive and _here_, with my cat, living day-to-day and not expecting much. And that's ok with me. I'm ok with that, I think.

Shit, I feel like I should have started with; Hi, I'm Bella Swan, I'm twenty four, I live with my cat and I'm an Androphobic. Probably a bit of an Anthropophobic actually, it's not just men, I am in fact socially retarded. Definitely a Lutraphobic- I can't fucking stand otters. I'm twenty four and I have, like, six friends. One of them is my cat, two of them are related to me, one I work with and the other two are my box of cigarettes and my lighter. Oh, I'm sort of friends-but-not-in-public with the guy who works nights at the library I go to sometimes.

I saw him once when I was working and he totally ignored me, despite the two hour discussion on whether Yahoo was better than Google the night prior. It eventually ended with us testing out which was better. While typing 'I like…' into Yahoo, it proceeded to suggest 'I like to move it'. The first suggestion on Google when searching the same thing, it came up with 'I like to tape my thumbs to my hands to see what it would be like to be a dinosaur'. The winner was clear but apparently my new 'friend' wasn't because apparently we're not really 'friends' at all. In public anyway.

I didn't think I was _that_ much of a loser, but ok…

I remember helping him chose sweets for his girlfriend in the candy shop I worked in and he still acted as if he didn't know me. When I went back to the library everything was normal again but this was some weird ass 'friendship' and I didn't really want to be part of it.

Hammy came in and wound his black and white self in between my legs as I searched around my kitchen for another bottle of wine to ease my wretched soul. I shortened his name to Hammy, from Bananahammock, as not to wound his ego. Being called Princess Consuela and all, men can get real cranky when you attack their ego's. Not that 'Hammy' was much better.

"Hello baby." I cooed, stroking behind his white tipped ear as I read the bottle I'd just found.

Well, I wasn't reading it, I was skimming, and it said, _blah blah blah finest rosé_, so that was all I cared for. Hammy purred affectionately as I put the bottle and bottle opener under my arm, scooped him up, picked up my glass and marched into the living room. Which is where I remained drinking and smoking my cigarettes for the rest of the night with my fat ass slumped on the sofa, Hammy curled up beside me.

The same thing I did more or less every night for the past year at least. Good times.

---

I put my jacket on as I left out of the back of 'Sweet Tooth'; it was a small candy shop slap-bang in the middle of New York. It was no where near my 'dream job', but I really did love working here, it was so colourful and fun and as far away from my normal life as possible. It was crazy, I loved it. Plus, it meant I got loads of free candy, not that that would do me any good. A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips. But I live alone with my cat; I might as well be fat too.

I pulled a cigarette out of my pocket and patted myself down looking for my lighter. Such a dirty habit, but I didn't give a shit anymore. I couldn't take it when Charlie or Emmett started giving me lectures on what I was doing to my health; we're all going to die one day anyway, my time might be coming sooner than theirs, that's all. And I could easily get hit by a bus at any time, so.

My hands continued to search in vain and I became irritated as I couldn't find my lighter. I had a cigarette balanced between my lips but no light. Instead of finding one, my phone started ringing and I groaned in frustration as I took it out seeing Rosalie's name on the caller ID.

"Hey Rose." I answered, still patting myself in search of my lighter. _I'll find you eventually you little bugger_.

"We're going out tonight." She stated simply, I raised my eyebrow just as I found my lighter, did a little dance in my head and lit the cigarette taking a drag from it.

"Um, ok... why?"

"Do you know how much kids kill you, Bella? Thanks to your damn brother, I've got three boys. _Boys_. _Three_. Do you know what that does to a woman? I need time out." Rose was married to my older brother, Emmett, and was like my sister and my best friend; I did feel sorry for her sometimes, one, because she was married to my brother, two, she had crazy kids. Crazy, demented, evil, kids. Needless to say, children were not my forte and I was completely ok with that because I didn't have any.

"Uh... I don't know Rose. I was just going to stay in." I said honestly.

"Oh come on, Bella. You stay in every day of your life, I swear, live a little. It'll be just us girls, out on the town, it'll be fun." Taking another drag of my cigarette, I flicked the ash into the breeze.

"I don't know..." I put my hand into the pocket of my jacket and kicked at a stone that was on the ground.

"Seriously Bella, this works for the both of us. I mean honestly, when was the last time you had sex with anyone? _Decent_ sex?" I thought about it for a moment... but then realised it would take me much longer than a moment to remember.

I could hear Emmett talking to her in the background of the phone, "_Stop talking to my baby sister about sex, not cool."_ Rosalie snorted before replying "Emmett, shut up, she's twenty four. I know she's been a baby to you all your life, but she's grown up now, get over it." There was a ten year age gap between Emmett and I so he always treated me like I was some innocent, young, naive teenager and he was this big, adult, older brother, which was stupid because I may as well have had ten years on him.

"Exactly." Rosalie sighed, talking to me again, "And anyway, I need to know I've still got it in me." Ok, I needed to get laid, it was true, but in my eyes, Bella Swan = social retard number one. It's not like I wanted to be sexually deprived, more that I couldn't actually talk to people, never mind seducing them. I really didn't want my vagina to shrivel and die. Oh god, just the thought was ever so slightly horrific. I can see it now, in my mind, and it's disgusting.

I'm going to be a lonely cat lady forever, I can just tell. Me and Hammy, living the dream baby.

"So I'll come over at nine? The boys will be washed and sleeping hopefully by then, Emmett included." I sighed in defeat, taking the last drag of my cigarette before dropping it and treading it into the ground.

"Fine, whatever." If the worst came to the worst, I could always just get pissed and that really wasn't so bad.

**EPOV**

I walked in the front door and sighed. Another day over, thank god. If anyone even wanted to look up the dictionary definition of stressed, they would be sure to see a picture of Edward Cullen underneath it. I trudged over to a small table in the main foyer, my shoes slightly clicking on the marble floor, and placed my keys on it. I needed my bed. God, I needed my bed. I could see it in my mind, looking being all seductive and stuff. Yeah, my bed.

I picked up my briefcase from off of the floor and walked over to the staircase, I still needed to read through some client's records so I could make sure everything was how it should be. God. I just wanted to sleep, was it really that much to ask? Apparently yes.

I frowned and put my briefcase down at the bottom of the stairs when I heard the sounds of what I was more than 100% sure to be Cinderella. I followed the distant sound into the living room, where a small strawberry blonde creature was snuggled up on the large, plush sofa, the wide screen TV confirming what I thought I'd heard.

I stood at the door to the room, watching the small person as she giggled away sleepily at the cartoon. She was so innocent and beautiful, the way she laughed at things I didn't find minutely funny but found I was smiling at just because she was. I would have happily stayed there all night watching her, but it was eleven o'clock at night.

I cleared my throat, preparing to make myself known, "Olivia Rose Cullen, what on earth do you think you're doing up at this time of night?" I put on the best 'angry daddy' face I could muster, but I crumbled as soon as she turned to look at me, her loosely curled hair bouncing around her head and her little pink lips in a wide smile.

She giggled again, picking up a cushion on the couch and tried hiding herself from me. I smiled at her attempts, "Hm, I wonder where she went…" I said, acting as if I really couldn't see her. She laughed quietly from the cushion, "Could she be here?" I asked, looking under the glass coffee table, "Or maybe here?" I looked behind the thick, golden curtains,

"No. Hm maybe she's..." I smiled evilly as I looked over at her. I flew over to where she was and bestowed upon her the worst form of punishment I could think of. Tickling.

"Daddy, noooo, stop it! Stop!" She laughed in her high angelic voice. I tickled her a few times more before, standing up straight with my hands on my hips,

"So Miss Cullen, why are you not in bed? It's way past your bedtime!" She stood up on the sofa, her trusty bunny rabbit under her arm, and wearing her long light pink night gown with butterflies on it.

She rubbed her eyes before she spoke drowsily, "I wanted to wait until you came home so you could tuck me in. Mommy wouldn't do it. She said I was too old. But Mr Bunny couldn't sleep so I waited for you." I sighed and picked her up; she was so light it was nearly effortless. She hugged me tightly, putting her arms around my neck and squeezing.

Yeah, I bet mommy wouldn't do it, I'm sure she had more important things to deal with in kitchen. I kissed Olivia's hair before placing her back down on the floor and telling her to wait for me in her room. She nodded and quickly ran off as I turned the TV off and wandered into the kitchen.

And sure enough, Tanya was sitting at the island with two empty bottles of wine and a newly opened bottle of port,

"Tanya why didn't you just tuck Olivia in? She was still up watching a movie and it's eleven, she has school tomorrow." Tanya had her hair pulled up into a messy bun on her hand, I imagined it was neat this morning, but as she drank more and more throughout the day it became more and more disorganised.

The state of her hair always gave her away. Tanya was, when sober, which was hardly _ever_, an organised, ambitious, determined woman. That was the woman I had fallen in love with, that was the woman I had a child with._ This_, this wasn't that Tanya. _That_ Tanya hadn't been around for a few years now. This was drunk Tanya. This was Tanya the unhappy alcoholic. I didn't know this Tanya, she was a stranger to me.

She waved her hand around in the air dismissively, her satin bath robe falling down off her shoulder, "It doesn't matter Edward. She's fine." The woman angered me beyond belief when she was like this, 'she's fine' like she would know.

"I bet you didn't check on her once." I growled, she just rolled her eyes, pouring herself another glass and sipping it.

"I knew where she was and what she was doing. Edward I don't need this, I've had a stressful day." She picked up her glass and bottle of port and began making her way to the door, stumbling slightly as she did, but I stood in her way. She had to be joking right? _She_ didn't need this?

"You've had a stressful day? Doing what? You don't work, you don't cook, you don't clean, you do shit all. You don't actually do anything except drink and loiter the wine cellar." I spoke through my teeth, reaching forward to prise the glass and bottle from her hands.

"Let go! They're mine!" She shrieked trying desperately to hold onto them both, but I was stronger than she was so I managed to take them from her. Still she lunged at me for the glass and causing it to drop onto the floor as I stood back, the glass shattering into tiny shards and the deep red drink spilling out onto the polished white tiles.

"Now look what you've done!" She seethed, narrowing her eyes. I scoffed and walked around her, emptying the bottle I still had in my hand down the sink.

"Well why don't you lick it off the floor if it's that precious to you. If only you could see yourself, you're pathetic. Everyday Tanya, every fucking day you do this. Do I need to hire someone to look after you like they do Olivia? Clearly you're unable of looking after yourself. You act like a child, maybe you should be treated like one too. I'm so sick and tired of this. I've tried to help you, but you are just not helping yourself. I've got so much staff working in this damn house during the day, strangers looking after Olivia just because I can't trust you with her when I'm not here." I put the empty bottle on the side and turned to glare at her.

She was naked under her bathrobe, and it was falling down her shoulder, now revealing the top of her left nipple, not that she'd care or notice, her eyes were unfocused and she spoke through her teeth at me, slurring her words, "_You_ can't trust _me,_ with _my_ daughter?" I pulled at the tie that was still tied around my neck and unbuttoned the top of my shirt.

"No, I can't." I answered simply and honestly. She frowned deeply at me as I rubbed my brow with my hand, "It's like I have to look after two children here, and I work so god damn hard every day, and you tell me _you're_ stressed? Where do you think you're even getting the money to drown all your sorrows in two hundred year old port?" Oh yeah, me.

"I have my own money, Edward. I've had it long before _you_. And I'm not a child!" She screamed, slamming her hand down on the work surface.

"Well then grow the fuck up!" I snarled back, beginning to get really pissed off. I couldn't talk to her like this, and there was never a time when she wasn't like this, so I could never talk to her. I didn't want to be around her anymore, our marriage was literally hanging by a string and I was standing by it with a pair of scissors. Open scissors, just about to snip it and end it all. The only thing stopping me was the stress it might cause my little girl. And the fact divorces always seemed messy and me and stress don't work out so well.

"You put your own daughter second to drinking, you have your priorities all wrong and you don't even realise it. It's always just about you, I can't take it anymore. Do you even talk to her? Do you even _know _her?"

"Of course I do!" She snapped, putting her arm out to the counter trying to stabilise herself as she swayed.

"Two nights ago, she had a nightmare, what was it about?" I asked, staring right into her hazel eyes; unfocused and dilute.

"How the hell am I supposed to know?"

I sighed, "Well, I was working that night and I knew. Do you know what she dreamt? She dreamt that Phil brought her home from school and you were drowning in wine in the bath tub. Huh, rather fucking ironic isn't it. But doesn't that tell you something, if your five year old daughter realises it?"

She scowled at me, pushing back the strands of golden hair falling into her face, "That's not fair."

"Fine. What's the name of that rabbit she carries everywhere with her? The one you actually gave her." She narrowed her eyes, seemingly searching her memory bank for the answer, but of course, coming up short, "Of course you haven't a clue." I laughed humourlessly, looking for something to clean up the broken glass still on the floor, "Mr Bunny, she calls him Mr Bunny."

She stood, tilting ever so slightly to one side, her eyes going in and out of focus, "You're an alcoholic. A selfish alcoholic, I don't know you anymore. You went to rehab and then begged me to take you out just so you could go straight back to square one." I ignored her as she stumbled around me while I cleaned the broken glass, off to look for another bottle of wine or something. I sighed and watched as she picked up another glass.

It was pathetic and really fucking sad but I couldn't do it anymore. I didn't know her anymore. "I think it would be best for the both of us if I called the divorce lawyers tomorrow morning."

_Snip._

---

"You are officially free my man." Jasper patted me on the shoulder and he called the bartender over us, "Shots, per-lease!" He ordered cheerfully. We were sitting in an already full club and it was only half nine.

I wasn't so cheerful. Yes mine and Tanya's divorce had finally come through, but what was there to celebrate? That my now ex-wife would probably drink herself to death whilst living alone, leaving both my daughter and I completely heart broken and distraught? Not so much heart broken on my side though but that wasn't the point.

The only good thing to celebrate was me having custody of Olivia after proving Tanya was inapt for looking after her properly. And since I had Olivia, giving a few million to an alcoholic wasn't making me feel so bad. And I got to keep my apartment as well as the house here in New York, as Tanya had taken the one in L.A. So yes, I could drink to that and think about the irony of drinking to celebrate the divorce from an alcoholic later.

The bartender came over with our shots and placed them in front of us. Jasper raised one in the air, pushing his blond hair from his face, "Ok, this is to new beginnings, good times and good fortune... and hot girls." He winked at me as I picked up a shot and rolled my eyes, downing it quickly after clinking the two shot glasses together, totally ignoring the irony of being in a bar, getting pissed on the day I officially was no longer married to an alcoholic. Classy.

I winced slightly at the alcohol strength and Jasper laughed slamming his now empty glass down, "Another, my friend!"

---

So maybe we should have slowed down on so many shots at once, I was really feeling it kicking in now. And everything else we'd drank since those shots. And I'd been here for a couple hours now, so. Everything was blurring in front of me and the sound of music was just blurring into loud nothingness.

Oh, I was fucked.

I groaned and put my head down on the bar, Jasper had gone off to dance with some blonde, but I was quite happy where I was. Feeling like I was moving around in circles even though I wasn't moving at all. Or I was probably moving a bit now. No I must have been moving, I felt like I was moving.

But I was still sitting… It doesn't even matter.

"Uh, are you ok miss?" The bartender asked. Miss? I'm not a woman, what the hell? I had some feminine features, maybe. Not really. But there was definitely a dick in my pants. A real one, not a strap on. I sat up to tell him I was indeed a man but then it became obvious he wasn't talking to me at all. Because next me, in a similar state to myself, there was a young woman with her head down on the bar, her long, slightly curled brown hair falling all about her.

"Yes. No. Maybe." She mumbled running her hand through her hair, propping herself up on her elbow. "I am fine." She said seriously and then giggled, and her laugh reminded me of Olivia's, and like with Olivia's laugh, I found myself smiling as well.

"Ok, good." The bartender said, shaking his head and smiling at her before moving back down the bar. She mumbled something to herself and laughed again before putting her head back down on the bar, sighing loudly. She was facing me this time, with her eyes closed, and I could see her face. And my god was she beautiful. Good choice of club Jazz.

I sat for a second, slightly in awe of her, the rest of the room was blurring and moving but she was the only thing that was unmoving in my vision, just lying peacefully on the bar. I wondered if she'd had as much to drink as I had, she definitely looked like she had. Her skin was smooth and creamy, I was really tempted to stroke her face, and she kept on pouting her small peachy lips whilst frowning.

It was rather amusing to watch. In fact it was very funny. So I laughed at her. Not hysterically, however in my state I wouldn't be so surprised if I did. I only meant it to be a chuckle but it seemed to be louder then I had intended because as soon as I did, her eyes flashed open and she stared at me. I stopped immediately when her eyes met mine, she had these deep chocolate brown eyes that were boring into mine. I think I was probably gaping back at her whilst her face was completely blank as she stared back at me. Then her eyes fluttered shut again and she pouted... again.

"I hope you're not laughing at me." She said running her hand through her hair,

"Would you hate me if I said I was?" I asked, a smirk on my face. She made a humming sound but didn't reply. Her pouty face reminded me of a duck "Your pouting reminds me of a duck." Ok, brain to mouth filter has gone. She twisted her mouth and then smiled, still with her eyes closed.

"Am I a nice duck?" She asked, still smiling. I laughed again, resting my head on the bar facing her, the world around her still blurring colours and people.

"You are a very nice duck." I replied. She hummed again in content and then opened her eyes to look at me, mm kinda the same colour as rum... maybe not just rum. Rum and coke maybe.

"I like ducks." She said happily, giggling a little after.

And I like you. "I like you." Dammit. We need a new filter over here apparently. Maybe if I hadn't drunk so much, I might have just shut up. But I had drunk so much, so on with the verbal vomit.

She giggled and fidgeted in her seat, putting her arm underneath her face lazily, " But you don't know anything about me." Her smile was so beautiful, just a little grin she had that was so cute.

"I know you're beautiful, I know you like ducks, I know you're probably just as drunk as I am and I know your name is..."

She sat gazing and grinning at me for a while before actually finishing off my sentence, "Isabella Swan. Mm, just Bella"

"Isabella Swan." I repeated, "No wonder you like ducks." We both laughed at that and then I shut my eyes for a second, "Bella." I said slowly, opening my eyes again to look at her, "Well 'Mm, Just Bella', I'm Edward Cullen."

She bit her lip and slid her hand out to me across the bar, "Well it's nice to meet you Edward Cullen." Smiling, I brought it to my lips and kissed her knuckles. _And it's absolutely fabulous to meet you Isabella Swan_.

**Please please review! I would love to know if 1. You actually read it and enjoyed it and 2. What you liked, disliked, think is going to happen or whatever you review about haha. Ok, thank you very much!**

**You know you love me,**

**XO XO**


	2. When The Sun Goes Down

**Disclaimer- I do not own any Twilight or any of its characters**

**Song: When The Sun Goes Down- **Arctic Monkeys

**BPOV**

I took the subway back to my apartment shortly after talking to Rose, it was only seven in the evening, so I wasn't expecting her for another two hours. As soon as I put the key in the door, I could hear Hammy on the other side meowing at me. He was so cute, waiting at the door for me, I bet he missed me, aw.

I pushed the door open and he immediately backed away from it so he wouldn't be trapped behind it, still meowing. When he was clear of the door he followed me around, purring whilst I put my bag down on the sofa and hung my jacket up on the back of my bedroom door. "Heyo kitten. Did you miss me?" I stroked under his chin and he purred loudly and then darted off to the kitchen. I followed him in to see him rubbing up against the cupboard he knew held his cat food.

"Huh, you didn't miss me at all, you're after the food. Only in it to win it. _Bastard_." I snorted, rolling my eyes and taking out a sachet of cat food to put in his bowl. He was content after that, he didn't meow and he didn't come near me for the rest of the evening. _Men, they're all the same._

I sighed loudly as I slouched down on the sofa and then smelt the air. I couldn't smell anything which probably meant the room stank of smoke or something, and Rose really hated that so I got up and opened the window, spraying some Fabreeze around the room, _because Fabreze doesn't just cover odours, it gets rid of them_. I possibly watch too much TV but it's not like I have anything better to do half the time. And anyway, I quite like my quiet, boring life. I work in a candy shop, I earn enough to keep me content and alive, I smoke, I drink, I live with my cat.

It's enough. I think. Maybe. Not...

Oh god, I am going to get old and still be exactly the same as I am now, that is really, really sad. Really, _really_ sad.

Hammy was looking at me strangely as I rushed around opening the windows and spraying air freshener around. I liked my apartment, it reminded me of Ross' apartment in Friends, except smaller. It was a very light place, lots of windows where I could see the bright lights of the city from a small distance. When I first moved in, I couldn't actually afford the rent, so Charlie helped me out a bit whilst I worked multiple jobs until I could go it alone.

And then I got my job at Sweet Tooth and they paid one hell of a lot just for selling candy. I honestly couldn't believe they would be willing to pay me even half of what they do. But I thought to myself, fuck it, candy was an awesome thing to work with and I should consider myself damn lucky to get a job there. Definitely beat working and in an office as the person who licks the envelopes. Yeah, I was a fucking envelope licker at one stage. I dropped out of college for that. Paper cuts on your fucking tongue are the worst. The only good thing, and I wouldn't even class it as a good thing, is that after a while your tongue goes numb.

And so does your brain.

I did other stuff too, but Sweet Tooth was definitely the light in my envelope licking life. I suppose it was more than just selling candy. You really had to interact with customers, help them pick out certain candies that were right for them. Sounds stupid, I know, I thought so when I started. Anytime Emmett came in he just told me to pick out the candy I liked and shut the fuck up. But you really can tell the perfect candy for a person by looking at them. Well I think so anyway.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Hammy sat on the sofa just watching me with his big blue eyes, damn those eyes, he was judging me, I could just tell. Then he began licking his paws while I stuck my tongue out at him and carried on generally cleaning the apartment.

I was a clean freak. Which was surprising since I was also a slob. The cleanest slob anyone could ever meet. I didn't even understand my own life sometimes. I'm so backwards.

After I was sure the apartment smelt of freesia and nice things, I went to make myself some spaghetti bolognaise. I could cook, very well actually, I always cooked for my dad when I was there because honestly, he was totally hopeless food wise. He tried to put a tin can in the microwave once. I really wondered how he even survived when I wasn't there. But then he was having those not so secret rendezvous with Sue Clearwater. I bet she brought him dinner... and dessert. _Ew, ok, stop that trail of thought right there_.

Nine o'clock came quickly after that and as I cleaned my plate there was a knock at the door, so I quickly dried my hands and dragged myself over to the door.

"Hi Rose." I stepped out of the way of door to let her in. She had her long blonde hair dead straight and as she untied and took off her coat, she showed off a tight fitting red dress, with a black clutch in hand and black high heeled shoes. All complimented by her dark eye make-up which made her blue eyes impossibly more blue and glossy red lips.

My mouth nearly fell to the ground, "Jesus, I can't believe Emmett actually let you out like that." She had a devilish smile on her lips,

"Well... he didn't see me, but sh. I look good though, right?" I nodded my head slowly, still slightly agape. She moved further in and then frowned at Hammy who was sitting seemingly glaring back at her, "Ah, so the cat's not dead yet then?" She snorted.

I narrowed my eyes at her, "No, the cat is _not_ dead. I think I'd still be in mourning if he was. When Hammy dies, I die too."

The cat moved away when Rose came closer, I think the disliking was a mutual thing, "Huh. You don't have much time then, cat's don't live that long." She said nonchalantly and then looked me up and down, "Bella, why aren't you ready to go?"

I looked down at myself, still wearing my skinny jeans and a sweater, "Can't I just go like this?" Why even say that to Rose? Her eyes immediately widened and she sighed, hitting her forehead with her hand.

"Uh, no! I've got us on the guest list to a really fancy place, and you are definitely not showing up like that. Oh god, just no, come on, into your room, we're going to be here for a while I can tell..."

"But Rosalie I-"

"I don't want to hear it, come on, move."

"Hey! What about what I wa-" She was pushing me now, but I knew the horrors of having Rose try and 'make me pretty'. It was almost as bad as having to watch Miley Cyrus and her stupid chipmunk face. No, it was even worse than that.

"Shut up Bella and move." She laughed although I wasn't finding this funny, not in the slightest. I was going to stand my ground, "If you want to act like a child Bella, I'll treat you like one."

"Wait, wait, wait!" I said, putting my hands in the air to try and bargain with her. She stopped pushing me and rolled her eyes,

"Fine. What?" I sighed and made kissing sounds with my mouth, soon enough Hammy came out from wherever he was and brushed himself up against me. I picked him up and pouted.

"Can I at least take a minute to say goodbye to my cat before I'm tortured, most probably resulting in death. I think he deserves a proper goodbye." The cat purred loudly and nuzzled his face against mine as I held him.

"Oh for gods sake Bella. Put the damn cat down and get in there now! Time is a-ticking." I kissed Hamm's head, putting him back down on the floor and narrowing my eyes at Rose before raising my chin, huffing and marching into my room with the last of my dignity, seeing as I was about have it all stripped from me as I'm no doubt prodded and primped used like a child's doll.

"Christ almighty, you are such a bloody drama queen."

---

An hour, half a can of hair spray, an inhaler, lord knows how much make-up, five wax strips, four cigarettes, a curling iron, a pair of tweezers, a high waisted skirt and a neck breakingly high pair of heels later, she was done with me. I looked down at myself and then in my mirror and scowled. I didn't look bad, in fact I looked damn good, I just couldn't believe I actually owned any of the clothing I was wearing. Nearly all of them bought either by Rose or when I was with Rose. No way did I pick them up by myself. Skinny jeans and a t-shirt are the way forward.

"See, now you look beautiful." Rose winked at me but I just sighed and walked out of the room to pick up a clutch bag I had sitting on the table in the kitchen. Even Hammy looked at me weird, and I could just tell if he could talk he would be laughing at me. He knew I hated getting dressed up, so much effort, and for what? I don't ever get anything back for it.

No, no, Bella, this could end up in you getting laid tonight my girl so suck it up, there is a light at the end of this tunnel. _Yeah, well then give me a fucking torch to get there cause all I see right now is darkness._

Yeah, I could see it in his innocent blue eyes, he was mocking me, but if he wanted to go down that road, I'd just remind him what his name was and that would definitely be a _touché _moment... and even the thought of talking to my cat like that is why I'm going to be alone forever. My god.

So once I had filled my purse with a new box of cigarettes, my phone, a lighter, some money, my keys, I bid Hammy farewell and left the apartment. Rose insisted I put condoms in there as well, but there was no chance anything like that would be happening tonight, me being me and all.

There was a huge line outside of the club and I really prayed Rosalie had got us in. I trusted she had though, she had those types of connections, her father for one was some big ass business tycoon and her brother a well known photographer or something. High fashion shots and other things too, I'd met him a couple times and he seemed nice. Not that I spoke to him, because I didn't know him and for some reason, I have a hard time talking to people I don't know.

Other than when I'm at work, that's a different Bella there. That's happy, perky, candy-is-pretty-and-tasty-lets-all-smile-and-ride-unicorns-while-throwing-sherbert-at-one-another Bella. This was very different Bella. This Bella was beginning to wonder why she let Rose bring me out in the first place...

We walked to the front of the long queue of people, some of them giving us dirty looks and whispering things to each other. Just the thought of people paying attention to me was making me blush. Already, geez. I ran my hand through my hair and sighed, keeping my eyes on my shoes as I walked gingerly behind Rose. I wished I was like her sometimes, she took no notice of the people staring at us and confidently strode to the front. There was a large man with dark sunglasses on, he looked us both up and down, another largely built man standing beside him with a clipboard.

"Name?" He asked in a deep, gruff voice.

"Rosalie and Bella Swan." She stated, flicking her blonde her back. The man looked over at his colleague who checked the list and nodded, then he nodded at us and let us through. "Thank you." Rosalie smiled sweetly at him and the man who looked like he was made of stone actually cracked a smile.

"I would have let you two in anyway beautiful," He said, "but you know what some young ladies are like, thinking they can dress real nice and still get in. Boss upstairs changed the rules, so I gotta check. You girls have fun now." I timidly smiled back at him and Rose giggled while we ascended the stairs up to the club.

It was one of those clubs that was in a huge townhouse... well, would have been town house, and Rose was right, it was really nice. Loud music was booming everywhere when we got to the top of the stairs, there were leather seats with people talking on them with light mainly coming from the chandeliers that were hung around. The glow they gave off was a warm one though, not harsh, and there was just something about the place that made me relax a bit as we weaved ourselves amongst the people to the bar.

I was really tempted to mess with the damn bra Rose had put me in. It pushed my boobs so far up, I thought if they went any further, I'd just have to tilt my chin a bit to be resting on them. Ok, maybe not so high that they were in my face, but I had a damn good cleavage and that was a first. Although the bra was still irritating me.

Rose ordered us some drinks, I didn't really care what I had, just as long as it was strong. That was the only way anybody would be able to talk to me, if I had a good amount of alcohol in the system. We chatted while sipped on our drinks until some guy on the other side of Rose started talking to her, "Hey baby, haven't I seen you some place before?" He asked seductively. Rose just rolled her eyes, not even turning round to look at him,

"Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore." I giggled quietly into my drink as she shook her head and rolled her eyes at me.

"Mm, I guess it was a bit weird, it being the men's room and all." _Oh touché. _Rose huffed and turned around on her stool to face the person sitting beside her, then she put her drink down and gasped a little before smiling widely.

"Jasper?" She said, looking a bit shocked and pulling the blond man who was basically the male version of her into a hug. And my god was he HOT. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I should be asking you the same question big sis. Don't you have a family waiting for you at home?" He teased nudging her side.

"Yeah, well, I'm not mommy tonight, I'm taking the night off if that's ok with you. Who are you here with?"

He looked briefly behind him, at some guy, I could only see the back of his head though. He had nice hair, it was all dishevelled and bronzed and lovely. _I bet his face looks like the rear end of a donkey_. I found that tended to be the case with a lot of guys with nice back-of-the-heads. Sad times. But at least he had nice hair.

"Edward. We thought we'd have a bit of a boy's night out as well. I see you're with Bella." He flashed a glorious smile at me with his perfect pearly whites, his sharp blue eyes twinkling. And of course I blushed and nearly chocked on my drink. How fucking shameful. "Um, are you ok?" Rose turned round to look at me as well as I sat chocking at the bar, looking really cool I'm sure, as per. _No I'm not ok, hello, chocking retard here._

I nodded anyway, not wanting to cause a scene or any more of one. When I could finally breathe again, I smiled at them both, but their concerned and slightly amused faces only made me blush again. Even deeper this time. I started thinking how many Sex on the Beach's I would have to drink before that stopped happening.

Some guys actually came up to me during the night, which I got really giddy over, they were really cute and sweet and they bought me drinks. But then my inner retard kicked in and I found I couldn't say much back to them and I sat there blushing and really wanting to just go home and curl up with my cat in front of the TV with a cigarette. I found an excuse of needing to go out and have a smoke, and god did I need it. I couldn't go back in there, I just made myself look like an idiot seeing as the only people I could talk to was Rose and the bartender. So I lit up again, and again, and again, until I was actually getting really cold and had to go back inside.

Rose was off dancing with Jasper, him being her brother I guess he was the only guy there she could trust not to try and feel her up. Which left me alone at the bar, with money in my purse and highly alcoholic beverages on offer. So I thought, _fuck this shit, I'm getting pissed_.

And this was ultimately how I met Edward. The guy with the nice hair. Turns out he was a total utter GOD. So much for the ass face, my bad. He was beautiful and he had the most flippin' amazing green eyes. I couldn't stop staring at him. Maybe my beer goggles were a bit too close to my eyes but he was so inhumanly beautiful, and yeah, maybe I wasn't in the best state of mind but even I could see that.

"Well 'Just Bella', I'm Edward Cullen." Oh god speak again, speak again! I wanted to bottle his voice so when I was feeling a bit lonely in the night, open the bottle and have a little listen. Hammy might get a bit jealous, but so what. I bit my lip as I looked at him, the alcohol in my system was making my eyes flutter more than I wanted it too. I want to see his face, I wanted to just keep...my eyes...open and... w-o-w. I giggled and slid my hand out over the bar, "Well it's nice to meet you Edward Cullen." _Mmm, more than nice._

I smiled wider as he chuckled, his laugh reminded me of a bubble bath I don't know why, but it did. Wow, a bubble bath. Man, I would _not_ mind soaking in Edward."Well it's more than nice to meet you Bella Swan." I sat up straight, swaying a little as I did.

"Oh shit, did I say that out loud? I'm sorry... mouth, brain, filter thingy, I don't know... it's gone." I laughed again, totally unaware of what the hell I was saying. But it' was kinda funny. I am a pretty funny person. I wonder if people realise how funny I am...

"Do you want another drink?" Edward asked, his mouth pulled up at one side as he smiled. I ran my hand through my hair and nodded vigorously, making all the hair I'd just pulled back fall forward again, making me laugh... again.

"I would love a drink!" I said sounding determined, "I've only had three... or four... mm, this may be my seventh? It doesn't really matter." Ok, so I wasn't making sense, but whatever, I was drunk. At least I didn't resemble a beetroot. Which I normally would do by now. No beetroot, free drinks, hot guy. Fuck. I can live with this.

**EPOV**

I probably should have stopped drinking. It was getting excessive and I was really wavering over the line of drunk and wasted. I sighed, rubbing my head on my head irritably waved the bartender over to order our drinks, "Can I have water and..." I looked over at Bella who was looking very determined and yet totally spaced out at the same time. It took her a while to even realises I was waiting for her order.

"Oh right! Me... uh, I want... something strong. Only water, Edward? You're going to miss out on the buzz!" She snorted as the bartender went off to get our drinks. There was nothing that I knew of to actually sober me up right now, water, eating food, coffee and cold showers were all myths. The only thing I could think of was pissing it out of my system. I always felt a bit less... intoxicated after pissing.

"I'll be back in a second, love." I said getting up from my stool and tapping Bella's arm, she snorted tilting forward a bit before biting her lip and smiling,

"You'd better be otherwise I'm going to be looking like..." she waved her hand around the air while she thought, hiccuping, "stupid."

---

"And I thought it was ridiculous but, I really love my cat, you know? He's like my best friend. Do you know what I mean? Do I sound stupid? You know I never talk to people and now I can't shut up. Do you like cats?" Bella and I had moved over to some leather seats, she had continued to drink and I think she'd reached the stage of no return. She was rambling about all sorts, it was really quite adorable actually.

"Uh, I guess I do like cats. Dogs as well." I shrugged. I'd sobered up a bit, the room wasn't spinning anymore, but I was still rather tipsy. She nodded seriously like I'd just given an answer to a question that had seemed seemingly unanswerable, like the question of life. I laughed at that and she smiled at me, collapsing flat on the sofa, her head falling into my lap.

_If you react right now Cullen, I swear to god... _but I couldn't help it and I closed my eyes to try and hide the fact I was slowly but surely pitching a tent in my pants. Dammit. Thank fuck she didn't seem to notice.

"I am soooooooo tired." She mumbled into my pants as I tried to shift from underneath her, but as I tried to move away she moved her hand right to the crotch of my pants, and whether she meant to or not, tensed. _Oh holy fucking shit._

"We could always...go back to...mine?" I asked, my voice slightly strained as I removed her hand. Oh crap, I didn't mean to come off as some ass just trying to get into her pants...

She sat up then, her eyes slowly opening. Her make-up was surprisingly intact despite her rubbing her eyes on multiple occasions. She grabbed her clutch up off the table and stood, swaying and smiling. "Let's go. Wait, wait, do you have marshmallows at yours, I'm really craving them right now?" She giggled, putting her hand against the wall to stop her falling back down.

I stood, "Marshmallows?" I think I had every type of food there ever was at my apartment... Olivia liked everything, except she was in the main house tonight, "I think I do."

She smiled widely and kissed my cheek, "I think I love you. Take me anywhere Edward Cullen."

"Don't you want to tell your friend where you've gone?" She waved her hand dismissively.

"I've got my phone, I'm all grown up, don't worry. Let's just... go."

---

I flicked the lights as we entered my apartment, and Bella span around in a circle, open mouthed and stumbled forward to look around, "Holy shit, your apartment is, like, five billion times bigger than mine!" She gawped, still spinning around, "It's so pretty!" I smiled as I walked into the kitchen and put down my keys.

"Thank you. So, do you want these marshmallows?" I asked, searching the cupboards.

"Yesssssss!" She almost sang as she span around the apartment and then disappeared into the living room. I laughed again, searching the cupboards until I came across a bag of marshmallows. I took them out and walked into the living room to see Bella spinning under the chandelier.

I stood at the door way watching her as she gazed up at it, smiling, "Your place is so pretty." She said, finally stopping and then taking a moment to gather herself together. I threw the bag of marshmallows at her but she missed them and frowned, picking the bag up off the floor. She then tried with all her might to open them but failed. It was funny watching her, her face twisting and her brows furrowing. She bit her lip as well, and it looked like she was really concentrating.

I couldn't watch her anymore, she looked like she might hurt herself. She whined as I approached and took the bag from her, "I can't do it." She whined like a child which only made me laugh again as I opened the bag with ease and handed it back to her. She pouted and put her hand in, popping one in her mouth, smiling and humming in contentment as she turned and looked around the room.

She took one step forward only to whine again as she looked down at her shoes, "Fucking shoes... fucking... Rose..." She bent down to take them off but just ended up toppling over and ending up on the floor, "Whoops!" She giggled as she lay on the white rug, "Ah god, these shoes, are sooo fucking..." She tried to get the other one off but then gave up and just stayed lying on the floor. Her hair splayed out on the rug as she lay there and I slowly walked over to where she was and knelt down at her feet, removing her shoes. She moaned loudly in appreciation as I did and then smiled.

"Marshmallow?" She offered, holding one in the air. I moved forward to take it from her but she moved it away. Ah playing games are we?

"Ooh, you missed." She moved it somewhere else and I leant forward for it but she just moved it again, always giggling. Dammit, I didn't even like marshmallows.

Then she placed it on top of her lips and smiled. I crawled up the length of her body and hovered above her as the marshmallow vibrated from her giggling, mm, she was god. Slowly, I leant down and took it between my teeth, sucking it back into my mouth, chewing and swallowing it. She looked up at me, her body still trembling with her laughter. Her eyes were like pools of chocolate although they were glazed over, glazed chocolate. She licked her lips and then bit down on the bottom one. They were small and peachy. Perfect. Beautiful. Just like her. I really wanted to touch those lips. They looked so soft, so...

I was cut off in my thoughts as she reached up and pressed them against mine. _Woah, ok!_ I tensed, not really knowing what to do or think. She clearly felt me tensing because she pulled away and looked regretful, her eyes shut tightly and she was shaking her head,

"I'm sorry... I... um... I'm so-" I couldn't take her jibbering, I leant down and captured her lips again in mine. Yeah, why the hell not, I mean, she was freakin' gorgeous and I'm not married anymore_. _At first she didn't make any sort of movement and I wondered if I'd just been rejected... or if she'd passed out. I didn't really want to open my eyes to check for either so I just carried on kissing her, urging her for some sort of response. She just kissed me first!

I felt her smile against her lips and slowly she became responsive to mine. She took my bottom lip between hers, nibbling it just ever so slightly whilst she moved her hands up the length of my back, lightly tracing with her finger tips. Holy shit, who knew someone touching your back could make you feel so...hot? I had not realised some places were so sensitive to a light touch. Hers were sending me tingly everywhere. And I mean, _everywhere._ I suddenly became aware once more or a... situation downstairs. I groaned feeling my dick causing a bit of a scene, _Hello, I'm up, I'm here and I could do with a seeing to... _Yeah, shut up.

Bella giggled, snaking her hands further up until they were laced in my hair, tracing her tongue along my bottom lip. I parted my lips, allowing her entrance to my mouth and she dived in feverishly, sweeping her tongue along side mine, pulling my hair gently and pulling me down as close as I could get, her tongue exploring every part of my mouth it could, filling it with her slightly smoky, very sweet and very alcoholic tasting breath. It was fucking awesome. If I could get drunk on Bella then that time would be now. She moaned into my mouth, moving her hips to meet mine, trying to create some sort of friction. I think it was then that some random teenage-like hormones just came racing through me and I lost all rational thought. It may have been 'hormones' it might have been the alcohol or it may very well have just been me, but all I knew was this girl had me and I was not going back.

Sorry me, you'll thank me in the long run.

_Oh Edward, you are totally fucked. Literally._

**Review review review! I hope you liked this chapter! Oooooh, this is only the very beginning, keep reading my friends! Thank you to those who've read, favourited, story alerted and what not, you are appreciated lots!**

**You know you love me, **

**XO XO**


	3. Be Good

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters**

**Thanks to all those who've read, reviewed and what not, I like knowing people actually read this!**

**Song: Be Good (RAC Remix)- **Tokyo Police Club

**BPOV**

Holy fuck.

My head was killing me. Literally tearing me apart from the inside as I stumbled on the sidewalk, waving my hand out for a cab, very conscious of the weird looks I was getting. A good three passed me before one stopped, the cheeky fuckers. I thought people were more generous on this side of town, geez. Apparently not.

I sighed and hobbled over to the yellow car, telling the driver where I lived and then deciding it would be more comfortable if I took my god damn heels off, put my jacket and purse down on the seat next to me and slumped down.

God knows why I was even in SoHo. I mean, I live in Brooklyn for god's sake. Brooklyn. Not even the somewhat hip-and-trendy part of Brooklyn. Yet I had just staggered out of the most deliciously gorgeous apartment, and even more importantly, out of the bed of the most deliciously gorgeous man _ever_. Again, I have no I idea how the hell I got there... well, I have a vague idea, but I was there. And so was he. And he was beautiful. But still, not the point.

I'd woken up, and before I'd even opened my eyes, I knew that the bed I was lying on was so much more comfier than my own. I rolled over a little but sun light from the window was coming through and hit my eye lids, sending an electric pain right through my head as well as white behind my lids. I groaned and rolled again away from the light, slowly opening my eyes, I squinted against it whilst trying to tame the demon that had just awoken in my head.

I liked to call my demon Fluffy. On a good day, he was a nice little thing that made me light headed and giddy, but after a night of heavy drinking, he became beyond cranky and just rolled around my head, roaring and making a whole load of fucking noise. I'd need aspirin and a heck of a lot of it if I was going to cage this baby. Doesn't he know he has neighbours? My sanity being just next door.

My head hurt so bad I wanted to cry, and I was just going to moan out loud or something when I saw him. Lying there, all angelic and perfect looking. The light coming from behind the white linen curtains only illuminated his gorgeous pale skin, causing shadows on his face which emphasised his perfect bone structure. And his hair. Wow. I was so tempted to run my hand through his bronze locks. It's like the man had crazy hair that somehow remained so styled and cool.

Actually the bit before was a lie, I wasn't tempted at all, because in the two seconds I made this appraisal of the angel beside me, I was thinking _why the fuck am I in his bed?_ Which is why I jumped when I saw him, lurching back a few centimetres more. And I'll have you know, there is only so far you can roll before you fall off a bed. I soon found that out as the wooden floor collided with my tits.

"Ow!" I whispered, putting my hands underneath them in an attempt to comfort myself and stop the hurt...but then Jesus fucking Christ, I was as naked as the day I was born...and in some guy's bed. I shot up off the floor and looked down at my exposed self.

"Shit." I said slightly panicked, looking around for my clothes or something to cover me, anything. The angel in the extremely large white bed exhaled deeply and rolled over, letting the bed sheets casually slip off of his body, presenting me with his perfectly toned ass. I was totally stunned for a second because that was one hell of a butt he had there, I tilted my head to the side as I stared shamelessly at it.

"Shit..." I mumbled, still in awe. But then I thought, _wait_, _you're naked, he's naked, in a bed.... Bella!_

"Shit!" I squealed in a hushed voice, not really knowing what to do next. I couldn't remember _anything_.

Damnit, I knew I shouldn't have had those three extra drinks, they were definitely the turning point. Damn vodka and lemonade... you just can't tell there's anything even in there.

Oh fuck.

All I could remember wastalking to this man, he was nice and he was called Edward Cullen. I had some weird feeling that I'd said his name a lot recently... Little else was coming back to me, but really, two naked bodies in a bed, I'd just caught sight of an empty condom wrapper, and I had major sex hair. No one had to spell out what had happened here, I think it was pretty obvious. The only thing I couldn't see here were my clothes.

I looked around the bedroom, it was about the same size as my entire apartment. That was perhaps an exaggeration but this guy had to be loaded. But I had no time to think about that, I needed my clothes. And my head was fucking killing me. My clothes definitely were not in his room so I tiptoed to the door, gently closing it behind me and sighed. This apartment was fucking huge and I didn't know where I was going.

It even had a freakin' upstairs. I admired a few of the paintings and pictures and various other things in the hallway as I made my way down, something was telling me my clothes were in the living room, not that I knew where that was. And then to make everything a whole lot shittier, because me tiptoeing around some rich kid's apartment wasn't weird enough, I could hear other people talking. Oh yes, because other people I didn't know seeing me now would be the icing on the cake.

I stopped where I was, standing beside a door frame just near the bottom of the stairs and dared myself to peer round it. The talking was definitely coming from in there, it wasn't loud and it sounded like there were two people.

"That's a very pretty picture Liv," A mans voice, I peered round when I heard that, careful not to be seen, in my state as well, I would _die_ of shame.

There was a largely built man, looked to be around Emmett's age, just walking over to the fridge and opening it. Returning with a glass and some milk to lean across the breakfast island in the centre of the kitchen where a really cute little girl was sitting. Her strawberry blonde hair put into two braided pigtails, the ends trailing on the surface of the island as she drew with some crayons. She was wearing a cute denim dress and actually looked stylish for such a young girl.

Her little legs swung as she coloured in her drawing, "Thank you, I wanna send it to mommy so she gets better soon," she said tilting her head from side to side. I smiled a little, I guess that was the big mans daughter, but who he? Maybe he was Edwards brother or something...

Either way, I was still naked and in search of my clothes.

"Can I go watch TV now?" The little girl asked, looking up at the burly man. He smiled warmly at her and then looked in my direction, and god damnit I was too slow to move and he looked directly at me. I immediately blushed and turned away.

"No, not yet... in a minute, princess," He said pleasantly, still making eye-contact with me before looking away, "Hey Alice, I think Edward might be up now. Maybe you should _go up_."

"Huh," an agitated voice huffed, "He better be, it may be the weekend, but he still has things to do. Wouldn't we all like to sleep in!"

"Don't be mad Ali, maybe he had a nightmare and didn't sleep good. Mr Bunny has nightmares sometimes and I have to stay up with him," the little girl voiced.

"Yeah, something's got me thinking he was up most of the night..." The man snorted, oh god, he was so referring to me.

Where the hell was the living room.

I tiptoed again across the hallway and was about to peer into another room that was large and bright when I heard someone clear their throat behind me, "That's the dining room, living room in the next door down," a high but authoritive voice spoke.

I would have turned but I was naked. Instead, my whole body flushed a deep red that was verging purple. I swear to god I was about to start hyperventilating or something, I couldn't deal with being put on the spot like that.

"I've already folded your clothes and put them on the glass table, you'll see it as soon as you walk in. I would appreciate if you put them back on and left in the next five minutes. I've put my card on top of the pile, if you find there is something you've left somewhere, then call and I'll have someone send it to you. If you'll please hurry, I've got enough to do and a five year old that wishes to watch the TV." She stopped for a second, "I think that will be all."

Bloody hell, this woman sounded like she meant business, I was tempted to turn around and look at her, but then I got scared she would glare me down and I was still naked- I don't think my poor naked body could handle it, so I just nodded and followed her directions. I could hear her heels clicking on the stairs as she ascended them, it reminded me of a clock ticking, like she was timing me or something. Damn scary if you ask me.

And now, back in the present, I sat watching the city pass me by from the cab window. I didn't have work today thank fuck, I would have called in sick anyway because Fluffy really wasn't giving me a break. I rubbed my fingers in circular motions on my temple, trying to soothe him, but he wasn't having any of it. I sighed in defeat and reached for my purse to look at my phone where I had a message from Rose:

_Well, well, well, Isabella Swan. Didn't think you had it in you! Left with a certain Mr Edward Cullen last night did we? I've met him a once or twice and he is to die for! You go girl! Anyway, text me back or come over when you get this, we need to talk missy! X_

There was no way I was going over there. Not today anyway, maybe tomorrow when this hangover had subsided, _not today_. I couldn't deal with those boys today. God I would die if I had children, anytime Rose and Emmett went out and left me with them, I was amazed they didn't come home to me rocking in the corner of the kitchen with a knife in my hand. It's not that they were horrible kids, because they really were lovely...sometimes, and looked to Emmett like he was god which I found amusing, it's just they had so much _energy_.

I swear, I am _NEVER_ bringing them candy ever again. All hell breaks loose. I mean H.E.L.L.

All I wanted right now was some strong aspirin, some bacon and eggs, my cat and a cigarette. Or two. Now that sounded like a good plan. Trying to remember what happened last night was painful on the brain, plus I kept on coming up blank.

I opened my purse and pulled out the business card that woman had left on top of my clothing. Alice Greene, personal assistant to Edward Cullen. Hm. Interesting. I put the card back and ran my hand through my hair, pulling out various bits of white fluff. I stared at them while they settled in my hand. What the hell were we doing last night?!

**EPOV**

"You'd better be up Edward Cullen or so help me." I groaned hearing the overly familiar clicking of heels against the floor, I groaned internally and then probably externally again as I lifted the bed sheets over my head, stopping the light, and possibly Alice from reaching me. Satan in the form of a small, pixie-like lady. The worst kind of _evil._

There was a loud sigh from the door way as she entered and opened the curtains completely, letting the sun from this ridiculously sunny day pour into the room, much to my dismay.

"Edward if you're going to have a sleepover, please keep your clothes inside _this_ room. Phil and I had to re-direct Olivia from the living room to the kitchen so she didn't ask questions. Would you like to tell me what the hell you were doing? Clothes were literally _everywhere_ and the fluffy white rug looks like it's been..._torn_ at."

Flashes of Bella and I on the white rug in the living room came to mind then...

_Bella tipped her head back opening her mouth and letting a small gasp whilst, pushing her glorious chest toward me. Her hair tumbling down her in its loose curls. Seeing as now we were both now completely naked, clothes strewn around the room, and Bella already hot and flustered, I saw little reason to try and hold back the raging beast inside. I wasn't doing a good job of resisting anyway, with my hand to the small of her back, holding her arched frame to me as I kissed, licked and nipped at her neck._

_I could feel her pert breast crushed against my chest as I pinned her to the rug, trying to devour every piece of skin I could reach. I couldn't get enough of her, she had the most beautiful aroma about, it was like strawberries and freesia with a hint of smoke. Who knew the three could make the most alluring perfume when put together? Because I sure as hell didn't. _

_She giggled, letting her head loll to the side, resting on the rug as I trailed my kisses down to her chest, kissing her breast and then tracing her nipple with the tip of my tongue before taking it in my mouth, lightly grazing it with my teeth whilst massaging the other with my hand. She 'mm'ed and 'ahh'ed again arching her back more into me._

_I had to have her, enough of this, it was time to get down to business. I moved my hand down her stomach to her clit, gently rubbing the bundle of nerves making her moan loudly, her legs twitching involuntarily. _

"_Shit, no... Edward, I want.." She moaned again as I rubbed her harder, still suckling her nipples. I chuckled darkly until she moved her hand, out of nowhere, to my balls and squeezed them lightly, "Just fuck me, now... pleeeeease." Her voice sounding desperate, I stopped moving my hand and came to my knees to look down at her. _

_She bucked her hips up to mine, causing a small amount of friction between her pelvis and my now throbbing dick. I, being the weak and needy man I was, groaned at her advance. Well this is what we were here for, and she was gorgeous, I wasn't going to doubt wanting her so badly right now._

_She wrapped her legs round me, biting down on her bottom lip as she smiled at me, "Pretty please." She giggled. And she was so fucking adorable...and sexy. God damnit, just fucking do it! Yeah, what the hell was I wanting for. For a second the liquor in my system took over and I went dizzy..._

Uh yeah... black spot in my memory, well, I wasn't sober was I! The only other thing I can remember is:

"_Oh... holy motherfucking.... unnnnngh!" Her mouth was open, moaning and screaming profanities, she was stringing words together that I'm pretty sure didn't even make sense, but I was caught up in the lust as well. Her sounds just pushing to slam into her harder and harder. I groaned as she managed to match my thrusts, driving into her with as much power as I could._

_She was screaming and clawing her hands down my back, the small pain only making me growl with my inner beast, again slamming into her. Her noises seemed to have become so loud and incoherent that there was no longer anything coming out of her mouth. It just fell open, silent moans falling out, her chest filling with air as if she was no longer breathing out. Her back arching more and more with each breath._

_She inhaled deeply, letting out a large gasp as she moved her hands from my back to the rug, clenching her small hands tightly around the fluff._

"_Oh my god." She whispered breathlessly and I smiled, feeling her walls contracting around my dick, she was about to shatter._

_I groaned and in a strained voice managed to get out, "Cum for me, Bella." My face twisting with the feeling of my own end coming soon. Her large brown eyes opened widely as she clawed at the rug, trying to find a good amount to hold on to but not finding it. _

"_Fu-u-u-u-uck! Oh shit... oh, oh, Edwaaaaaar-" She never finished screeching my name as she fell apart. _

_Her mouth open and her whole face scrunched up as she let herself go, soon followed by trembles for the sheer intensity of her orgasm. I think it was seeing her like this that set me off as well and I felt my whole body tense as I found my release. Her hands still fisting the rug as she gasped and trembled._

So I guess that explains the rug then...

I smiled widely at my recollection and Alice huffed, adding, "In fact don't tell me." I really didn't think she'd want to know.

She turned back and walked over to my bed and pulled back the covers, slapping my bare ass, "Get up! I need you to sign some things and also we need to go and see Jasper for those photos. Move it." I physically recoiled from the sharp twinge I felt in butt cheeks and groaned again.

Unfortunately for me, Alice was more like a best friend or a really annoying sister than a PA. I don't know how we got to this stage, but after four years, she seemed to be more involved in my life than I was. She knew everything I was doing, and everything that had to be done. She was my human planner, she knew more about me than I think anyone else did. Even Tanya or Jasper.

"Edward come on!" She threw a pair of boxers on top of my head and I rolled over onto empty space. Empty space. I opened my eyes and sat up to look at the space I'd just rolled onto.

"...She's gone?" Alice rolled her eyes and then put her hand in front of her face,

"Edward please, I mean I love you and all but... too much." I looked down at my rather overly exposed self and mouthed 'oh, sorry' at her before slipping on my boxers and then standing up. She smiled seeing I was up and no longer completely naked, "Thank you. And of course she's gone, you could hardly have her hanging around with Livvy here, I mean really. She was pretty cute though Edward, I have to give you that. I should know, I've seen the both of you naked this morning. Christ, what I do for this job."

I raised an eyebrow at her, "You saw her?" Alice walked into my walk-in closet and picked a shirt and suit and flung them over her arm as she talked.

"Yeah, more than I would have liked...she just left. I assumed she was wandering around your house naked looking for her clothes. Like a lost sheep. Phil saw her from the kitchen. I had to point her in the right direction." She turned and narrowed her eyes at me as she put the clothes down on the bed. "If only Olivia knew how scandalous her daddy was. I think I need a pay rise."

I snorted before walking over to the window, looking down at the street below, and sure enough there she was just getting into a taxi. Beautiful Bella. I never even got her number, "I hope you weren't too intimidating." I said to Alice seriously. She put her small hand to her heart and feigned a hurt look,

"Edward, when am I ever intimidating? How could you say such a thing?" I raised an eyebrow, oh Alice was lethal when she wanted to be, "And anyway, she didn't turn round to look at me, I only saw her from behind." She pulled out her blackberry and began tapping away at it.

Huh, she wasn't the only one who'd seen her from behind this morning... although, I'm talking in the early hours of morning, about round four or five, we'd moved to the bedroom by then, god knows how... no literally, I couldn't remember at all how we did, but we did...

_She stood in front of me giggling as I tore a condom packet open with my teeth, removing it and quickly rolling it on. I looked up at her darkly and in an instant I had her turned around and bending over the end of the bed. _

"_In me, now." She ordered, again with a little gurgly giggle on the end. I grabbed her hips, and then looked down at her perfectly rounded ass. I hummed in approval and moved one of my hands to her cheek, giving a small squeeze and a gentle slap to which she responded with a girly squeal of delight._

_I chuckled and the next thing I knew I'd eased my dick into her dripping pussy , one knee up on the bed whilst I drove into her. She was so tight around me, it was like her pussy was trying to squeeze me of everything I had, "Baby, you're so tight." Yeah, and apparently the brain filter hadn't turned up again yet.._

"I swear to god Edward Cullen, if you are not washed and dressed in fifteen minutes, I am going to find the time in which I will _force_ you to sit down with your daughter and watch Hannah Montana. Don't push me to drastic measures Edward, because you know I will."

I knew she would. But this was just crazy talk, she couldn't do that to me. I mean I would endure anything for my baby, as long as it made her happy, but that. _That _was a step too far!

"Ok, ok, I'm going, I'm going!" I walked over to my bathroom and shut the door.

"Oh and Edward?" Alice's voice was lighter now, which normally meant she wanted something.. "Yuh-huh?" I replied, filling the basin with water.

"Is it ok if we go shopping later? I saw the most gorgeous Armani suit for you and, oh my god, you will just love it! Believe me, it's beautiful!" And there we go with the other side the Alice, the side that easily gives into girly temptations... such as chocolate and shopping.

"If you want to go then we can go. It's not like I have anything better to do today." She snorted and her voice became more distant as I assumed she moved to exit my room,

"Huh! I think I'll be the boss of that... anyway, hurry the hell up or we're not going to have time to do any shopping at all! Busy schedule Edward. You've had enough playtime, we've got things to do, chip chop!"

---

**BPOV**

"Bella smells-a."

I was being abused by a seven year old. This is what has become of my life. I glared down at the little boy as I sat in my brother's kitchen with Rose.

"Jacob, Bella does not smell! You don't say that to people, especially not a lady! Apologise now." Rose sat next to me with a smaller blond boy sitting on her lap, snuggling into her side,

"Sorry... but mom, I'm not Jake, I'm Sam!" Rose narrowed her eyes at the boy who was literally a smaller version of Emmett, the similarities were really uncanny. He had his brown eyes, full of all that mischief as well, and curly hair but Rose's nose and chin. Not to mention the fact he had a twin so there were two of them.

"You are not Sam. Sam has a birthmark just under his..." The boy turned his face to the side, showing his mother a small birthmark just under his ear. "Crap, you are Sam. Well...that was a very Jacob thing to say, don't say it." Sam smiled, Emmett's goofy smile, I tell you it was weird looking at him,

"You said a bad word." He teased, running a small toy racing car along the counter. Rose rolled her eyes and looked at me,

"Yes, ok, mommy said a bad word, I'm sorry, I won't say it again. Just go...play somewhere, go find your brother." She sighed, bouncing her leg slightly so the little boy in her arms rocked. Sam made car noises as he went running out of the kitchen, presumably to find his evil twin.

Yes _evil_. Jacob was like the damn leader of the pack! I mean when you saw them together, you would think it was Sam, but after a while, you saw it was definitely Jacob. The little bugger. I don't even know why I was their favourite person to pick on. Probably because even they could tell I was a pathetic cat lady. Oh my life.

"I can't tell my kids apart, great." Rose laughed, looking down at the boy in her arms. I looked at him too and smiled,

"You're my favourite." I laughed, touching his arm, "You don't laugh at me... or hurt me...or draw on me...or use me as a jungle gym ." He smiled his cute little smile, the Emmett's dimples visible in his cheeks.

Seth was the youngest and the cutest, he looked a lot like a baby version of Jasper. Most of his features clearly came from Rose, he had the blond hair blue eye combo going down, but had Emmett's dimples, curls and button nose. He was only three, he didn't talk much either, occasionally he followed his brothers around trying to get involved in the action, but most of the time followed Rose. I thought it was cute. I could handle him, the other two, not so much.

Rose stood up and placed him on my lap, "I've got to get dinner started. And while I'm doing it, you can tell me about Friday night! I can't believe you've not spoken to me in a week!" She winked at me as she moved around the counter to the fridge. What could I say, I had work. Seth nuzzled into me in a similar way to how he did Rose and I had to smile down at him before looking back over at Rosalie.

This was mommy Rose, not sexy Rose from last Friday. This Rose had her hair tied up, a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants on. No make-up, not that she needed it, she was just naturally perfect, damn her. Her surroundings had changed too, this house just screamed family. Notes on the fridge, pictures on the walls, toys scattered around on the floor even in the cookie jar... and the fridge, paintings of things that made no sense but was apparently a picture of a day at the zoo, homework books, items of clothing.

It was so homey, just everything. I loved it and I hated it. I only hated it because for some sad reason, I was envious. I would so never ever have this. Ever. I mean maybe, by some miraculous happening, if Hammy was actually a girl and had kittens, then I might get half way to the whole family thing... but that was unlikely.

Rose made a small growling sound as she pulled a pot of jelly from the fridge and pulled out a rather sticky looking action figure, "Who put action man in the jam?!" She yelled at the top of her voice, throwing the figure into the sink.

"Sam did it!" A distant voice called back,

"Did not! It was Jake! Jake did it not me!" another followed.

"I swear to god, if Seth even starts turning out like them... he is my last hope! I'm putting all my effort into him, he shall be good! He shall be a gentleman! He shall win a Nobel prize god damnit!" I laughed as she pulled out things for cooking.

"So tell me, that Friday night." She began suggestively, grinning widely at me. I rolled my eyes and began playing with Seth's small and tubby fingers, he didn't mind, he seemed to be falling asleep.

"Well, in case you didn't notice, I was extremely pissed, I can remember talking to him for a while at the bar, and then on the sofa's, I remember bits of riding in the taxi with him... and then I woke up with him the next morning, naked."

Uh, the drinking was so not a good move on my part. Last Saturday was the most torturous day of my existence, mainly consisting of drinking water, throwing up, pain killers, having a smoke when I could, and sleeping. But the pain in my head was just beastly. To put it plainly, I am never drinking that much again. Christ almighty, way too much.

Rose laughed, "Sooo, naked eh?" She hinted, snickering again.

I sighed, "I know what you're getting at Rose, and it probably did happen but..."

Woah.. I was having a flashback. Wow, I just needed the funny music and then I was in a dodgy show from the 90's. Oh the 90's, when not wearing a bra was acceptable and crop tops and dungarees were cool. Good times.

My little flash consisted basically of me coming down from what seemed like the greatest orgasm ever whilst holding onto a white rug, Edward reaching for a condom from his pants that were lying close to him afterwards. Another being done rather roughly up against a wall, another watching Edward put on a condom and another of us fucking like animals on his bed. Rather random, but hot damn.

I stared blankly ahead, "Ahh, so that explains the fluffy feathery stuff in my hair..." I thought aloud, Rose was cutting vegetables now and looked over at me,

"What?" She asked confused,

"I think..." I stopped, what the hell did I think? "I think I may have had the best and wildest sex I have ever had, with the most beautiful man I have ever met." I stated, still staring off into nothingness. Let me remember more! "I was just having a flash back... of sorts. And yeah, it looked pretty damn amazing to me. I can't believe I can't remember it all though, that freakin' sucks! I finally get some action in what, seven or eight months, and I don't even remember." Such is my fucking life. I hate being me sometimes.

Rose laughed loudly at me, it wasn't quite booming but it was quite a guffaw, some of Emmett's qualities were definitely rubbing off on her... good grief! This was like the everybody-loves-Emmett house! Seriously. Everyone here had a bit of the man in them...

"Aw, you poor baby! That is so funny, I imagine that man is a sex god or something though. I mean, just look at him...w-o-w. Have you seen him since?" I shook my head, coming back into reality,

"Nope. I guess that's all I'll ever see of him. It could be pretty awkward, like, 'Hi, I think I had great sex with you one night, although I was really drunk and can't really remember, and then woke up naked in your bed and then basically got kicked out by your PA although I was leaving anyway... it's nice to see you again.'" I raised an eyebrow, "Yeah, I don't think so."

I sighed and looked at my watch, "Ugh, Hammy needs feeding soon or he's going to hate me, and I've got to get the train home, so I guess I should be setting off. Where do you want this kid or can I steal him, he's so cute." I looked down at Seth who had fallen asleep on my lap.

"No you can't steal him, I need him to keep my sanity. Mm, can you put him in his room please? And if the boys are being loud tell them to shut the hell up or I'll call their dad and when he comes home he'll kick there ass'."

I smiled and stood up, carrying the small boy with me. He had this little person smell and his breathing was light on my shoulder as I carried him up the stairs. The twins were outside, thankfully, so I didn't fear being tied up or anything like that as I set Seth down. I stroked his golden hair as he rested, his rounded face and little body completely still other than the rising and falling of his chest.

---

I was in a daze after coming back from Rose's, sitting on the train I barely noticed the creepy woman who kept staring at me and licking her lips. Yeah, I said barely noticed, not _ didn't_ notice. I was too busy re-thinking what had happened last week, with Edward. I was really pissed off that I couldn't remember everything, I mean, I would kill to see that man again, just for a second. He really was possibly the most amazing thing I had ever seen never mind been with.

No amount of alcohol could ever make me forget that face. Or that body or that... just wow.

He wouldn't even talk to me now though. If he saw me, hardly any make-up on, a pair of jeans and a sweater, I bet he wouldn't give me the time of day. He was nice though, at the time. But still, he was really rich and really, amazingly, wow, and he was a sex god from what I could tell and... ugh, I bet he had tons of gorgeous girls just falling all over him, ready for him to pick up whenever. I bet he had the perfect life. Care-free and easy...

Oh well, I still had what's left of my memories. Mhm, there is a naked Edward Cullen dancing in my head, good times!

I went through my little flashbacks again and again, hoping maybe I could re-live them properly in my mind.

And then I realised something. Something I hadn't noticed before. Something small.. but kind of big. And... oh my god. I went over my recollections again, and there it was... again... or at least there it wasn't?

Oh my god, no way.

But I could see the rest of that scene so clearly now and... oh crap. Oh crap.

**I know, you're probably thinking, 'What the hell? Whaa?' actually, you might get it... you might not. Anyway, find out what Bella's just seen... or not seen, next chapter! Things are getting interesting now, and I know, three chapters of not much, but they were introductory chapters if you like. Anyway, reviews please! I want to know what you thought! Likes, dislikes, theories on what's going on etc.**

**Thank you all, lots of love.**

**You know you love me, **

**XO XO**


	4. No Surprises

**Disclaimer: I own nothing from Twilight.**

**Thank you all so much for everything! I hope you like this chapter...**

**Song: No Surprises-** Radiohead

**EPOV**

"Daddy it's really nice outside."

"Edward, I need you to sign these papers and look through this..."

_I need to call Tanya so we can sort when Olivia's going over there. Need to call mom. Need to call Jazz. Need to rethink this damn advert. Need to take Livvy out. I need to do so bloody much, once again damnit. Why can't things just be easy? It was easy with Bella, I didn't need to think with her...yeah, I was drunk, but still. I wonder what happened to her..._

"You like the sun don't you Mr Bunny. Daddy, can we go out?"

"You're going to have to go into the office some time this week because we don't think it's quite there yet... There's something missing. It needs _something_."

_Have I ever passed her mind? No... probably not. It was over a month ago now, I seriously need to get over it... I just sound lonely and desperate. I didn't even get her number, and she was pretty sweet as well. And funny. And beautiful..._

"Daaaaaaddy."

"You've got a meeting tomorrow morning at ten with everyone. Shall we go in today or...?"

_I wish I knew her. Properly I mean, because hell, that night I think we had the best sex, possibly that I've ever had, but she seemed like there was something more to her... and even if there wasn't there was always the sex..._

My head was spinning. I had Alice telling me basically the advert the team and I put forward was shit and I had to rethink it, Olivia was dancing around my study asking me things and playing with her toy rabbit, and then of course, my own thoughts were mingled together alongside the questions that were being thrown at me from the two.

Alice was laying pictures down on my desk, picture upon picture of the same thing only slightly different, the model in the pictures hair was a bit more windswept in one maybe than the other. We were trying to create an advert for magazines, billboards, the usual, for a new Italian client advertising a new perfume. All we really had at the moment though was a concept, but no solid way of putting it across. And we had to get it right, my head would be on the fucking chopping board if it was anything but perfect.

I stared blankly at the pictures, rubbing my temple and moving them around on the desk, thinking over what it actually was I was trying to convey here. I could see it in my head, the pictures were good, but there was something missing. It had the clients name but... it needed something else, it was wrong. It needed a slogan, but what?

"Daddy, can we?" Olivia was tugging at hem of my shirt as I sat in my chair, trying to figure out what to do.

"Do you see what I mean about something missing?" Alice said, inspecting a picture herself. I frowned and groaned inwardly, we'd been stuck on this damn project for too long now, but we had to get it just right. This was a new client and if we lost them... well I would be beyond pissed off.

"Daddy?" Olivia asked again using her little hand to brush her strawberry blonde hair aside, out of her eyes.

"Livvy, I haven't got the time, I'm trying to work." I said, still frowning at the pictures on my desk in frustration, perhaps a bit more harshly than I'd wanted it to come out, but I just had too much in my head right now, this was stressing me out.

Alice's blackberry began ringing and she turned around to pick up the call, she sounded rather amused and confused at the same time as she answered, I had to wonder what it was she was talking about, but the fact it didn't sound like work was annoying me. But then again, everything was. Including Olivia tugging at my shirt.

"But daddy, you hav-"

"Olivia, no." I snapped, turning to look at her still frowning although I wasn't really frowning _at her_.

She looked back at me for a while gently letting go of my shirt and putting her hand back down beside her. Alice ended her call so I turned back to face her although I could still see Olivia in my peripheral vision. And I felt real damn mean for just snapping at her like that. Her little face now looking so sad.

It wasn't her fault that my damn job, which don't get me wrong, I really loved the majority of the time, meant I was nearly always busy. It wasn't her fault her mother was apparently totally incapable of organising anything as of late, so I had to sort her going to see her myself. It wasn't her fault we lived so far from my parents and so the only means of keeping up our relationship was through phone calls and visits in the holidays. It wasn't her fault that I'd slept with some woman who I barely knew but couldn't get off of my mind...

There was a small sniffle and I knew the tears had started. Alice gave me a disapproving glance before looking sympathetically over at Olivia. So I sighed and turned back to my daughter, my face no longer tensed from my frustration.

Her face had turned quite pink now as she looked down at the rabbit in her little hands. She was sniffling and had the odd tear falling down her rosy cheeks. I didn't really get why it was so easy to make young children cry, I don't know why she didn't just kick me in the shin when she thought I was being an ass, that's what I would do.

I pushed away from the desk, swivelling my chair so I was facing her completely and patted my thigh. She shook her head with a little pout, trying to stop her tears. I smiled and picked her up, sitting her down on my lap anyway. She didn't fuss or say anything, she just sat continued with her silent tears,

"I'm sorry baby." I said, kissing the top of her head, putting my hand under her chin and lifting it so I could see her face, "Could you possibly find it in your great big heart to forgive me?" I smiled down at her whilst brushing away her tears with my thumb.

"You didn't have to be mean." She pouted, rubbing her hand over her eyes and sniffing.

Sighing, I stroked her hair out of her face, "You're right, I didn't. I'm sorry." I was hardly going to go into all the reasons as to why I snapped at her. She was five, all she wanted to hear was I was sorry and that I loved her. Which I was and I did. "Are you going to smile for me?"

She shook her head and folded her arms. I had to smile at that, she was so stubborn, I don't know he she got that from... "Oh really?" I raised an eyebrow, "Not even if I tickle you?"

A small smile tried to play on her lips, but I could see her using all her efforts to bat it away and keep her pout. It really wasn't working, but I pretended she was keeping up a good front, "Oh dear, this one's made of stone. I think I'm going to have to tickle her with my extra ticklely hands, what do you think Alice?"

I looked over at Alice who smiled and shook her head whilst rolling her eyes and playing along, "You know what Edward, I think you're going to have to."

I turned back to face Olivia an evil smile in place. She let out a small giggle and then put her hand over her mouth, gripping her rabbit tighter in the other, "Well ok then."

Going straight for her sides, I began tickling her, laughing as well as she squealed and squirmed in my lap, laughing so hysterically the whole of her face went bright red. She had wriggled about so much, she was lying over my legs while the upper half of her body was hanging upside down. Her white cotton top lifting up a little, exposing her tummy which I soon blew raspberries into, only making her laugh more.

"Edward stop before she wets herself." Alice said, the sound of a smile in her voice. I winked at her before sitting Olivia back up again, I really didn't want any pee on me. No matter how much I loved her, that was just not nice. She giggled some more as she tried to catch her breath.

"Daddy, you're so silly." She kissed my cheek and all was forgiven. "Isn't he just." Alice agreed, flipping through some papers she had in her hand.

"We'll go out this evening, ok? Anywhere you want to go, we'll go. But I do have a lot of work to do now, but I'm sure someone can take you out." I said to Olivia and she frowned again,

"But I want you to take me..." She whined, pouting again. Her blue eyes almost looked like liquid as the tears collected there glistened. I kissed her little pouted lips and sighed,

"I will later baby. You can go to the park with Phil if you want. I promise we'll have the whole weekend next weekend. I'll be all yours, ok." Phil wasn't actually the person I hired to babysit her, but Olivia seemed comfortable around him more than her actual caretaker so she spent a lot of time with him instead. I didn't mind, he was a body guard, therefore she was very safe.

She twisted her mouth, "Promise?"

"I promise." I agreed and she smiled brightly and jumped off of me, waving and announcing she was going to the park with Phil in such a majestic way it made me laugh.

I hated that she didn't have anyone but Phil to hang around with whenever she wanted, she had friends from school but they always seemed to be interested in other things instead of simply going to the park. Even at such a young age. God knows what they'd turn into when they were older, all overly spoilt, pompous, snobs I supposed. Although, I did enjoy spoiling Olivia.

So I loved seeing that smile on her face, it let me know that she was happy, and all I wanted her to be was happy. Loved and happy. If she was that, then I didn't mind being in my own really rather discontented life. Other than Olivia and my job, I had nothing much to keep me interested or satisfied. I still had my money spent trying to find Tanya a rehabilitation centre that would actually help her, even though she wasn't of my concern anymore. I couldn't possibly let my daughter stay with her if the addiction wasn't getting being dealt with.

"Edward you seem so distracted recently, what's up?" Alice asked, eyeing me suspiciously, she always knew when something was up. In fact, she already knew what was up, she always knew what I was doing. Well maybe not _everything_.

"Oh you know, the usual." I sighed and looked to her as she combed her hand through her spiky tipped black hair, "So what was that phone call about?"

**BPOV**

"Fifty boxes? Of candy? Why? Who the hell would want that much?" I asked Angela as I searched around for some ribbon. She shrugged,

"It's a gift to someone from... well us. I don't know, I was just told to make the call and deliver it. It's for the creative director of that advertising firm we used a couple months ago? Cause we have had a hell of a load of customers since, so it's a thank you from us."

I huffed at that. Oh right, so you make a good advert and get a lifetime supply of candy? I am so in the wrong job.

I bent under the counter to pick up the reel of pink ribbon and stood up again when I got major head rush. I put my hand to the counter as my vision blurred and my head felt heated,

"Woah.." I swayed to the side a little, waiting for the dizzy spell to pass. When it did I shook my head and smiled at Angela who was looking at me dubiously, "Head rush." I informed her as I walked to my side of the counter, tying a bag of sweets in a careful bow before handing it back to the small, cheery girl with a smile.

The shop was surprisingly rather quiet, not that I could really complain I was pretty tired anyway. And I was quietly freaking out. I had been for the last week. Well actually the last few weeks, but this week mainly. I had been since I was coming home from seeing Rose and the boys, and that was about a month ago now. And that's when I had realised that at some point on the supposedly glorious night with Edward, we had had unprotected sex.

In the few flashes of memory I'd had from that night, during what I can only assume to be various 'rounds' of this amorous activity, I quite clearly now remember seeing condom, condom, condom, _no condom_, condom, condom. Yeah, I'd had six different memory flashes in different places, different positions, each rather exciting and down right hot...but doing nothing for my anxiety.

Because Edward was wonderfully beautiful, he was rich, from what I can remember he was actually a nice person too, intelligent, funny I'm sure. And probably very sexually active. With all sorts of girls. From all over the place. And who knows who they might have been with before him. What if he hadn't used any protection with them one time either?

And so, ultimately, this led me to the conclusion that I was, indeed, going to die.

I was going to die of Aids or something. I was sure of it.

Ok, I wasn't sure of it, but I was pretty sure I had some sort of STI. I tried to convince myself there was nothing wrong with me. And actually there probably wasn't anything wrong with me and I was just making myself believe there was, but I have a low immune system already, I'm prone to these kind of things, I didn't want to take chances! There was no harm in having a look now was there?

So I went and found myself a new best friend by the name of Wikipedia. The site was the saviour of my life and had been on numerous occasion, and god damn I hoped it wouldn't fail me now. Definitely third to Hammy and Rose. I looked up symptoms for various sexually transmitted diseases and infection, just so I was in the know and I could look out for anything happening to myself.

But then after that, I was fine. I was fine for the next few weeks. I was totally fine until now. Now I am not fine. Now I am going to die.

From what I can remember, my symptoms sounded most like Hepatitis B, apparently about 30% of people don't even show signs of having it. I bet Edward was in that 30%, just because he _would _ be that lucky wouldn't he... I, on the other hand, am cursed and currently I get tired, have the odd stomach pain, keep getting dizzy and sometimes get headaches, all of which are symptoms. I bet more poor liver was trying to fight this damn virus, just because I wasn't fucking sober enough to do it myself! I was _so _going to get jaundice soon and turn yellow or something...God damnit!

Maybe I'm just imagining this. I mean, these are everyday things, people feel like that all the time, myself included. I think I'm over reacting...am I over reacting? I think I am... but I don't want to tell anyone, because what if there is nothing wrong with me and Edward _isn't_ some kind of angel marred by sexual infection? I don't want to destroy what I imagine him to be in my head, the sex might lose its appeal... I don't want that!

But I decided if I had any further symptoms that made me suspicious, I was definitely going to a clinic.

"Bella?" Angela was waving her hand in front of my face as I gazed off into space. I blinked, coming out of my thoughts and back into real life, "Are you back with me?" She asked kindly.

"Um... yeah. Sorry, I'm tired..." Yeah... tired and infected! God.

"Ok...are you sure you're alright?" She looked a little concerned but I smiled and nodded, I was fine for now...

It was nice of her to ask. Yeah, I wasn't actually completely socially retarded, Angela was my friend. I didn't really confide in her often, not that I ever had much to tell, but I knew if I wanted to, I could trust her. She was just a good person.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I said, walking over to an aisle especially for pink candies, organising the clear and empty plastic bags that were neatly stacked for someone to take out and fill. It annoyed me that there was nothing to do, nothing to clean, nothing to organise, nothing at all. Other than the odd group of people walking in, I was beyond bored.

And also there was something in this aisle that was making me feel really quite nauseous, well the smell of it was anyway. Oh my god, really nauseous. What the fuck _is_ that?!

"Well, I've gotta go and drop these boxes to this creative director persons house, so I'll be back later. That's if I haven't decided to move in, I mean those people get a ton of money, I bet his house is _huge_." Angela giggled as she picked up her keys and was just about to pick up her coat.

"Oh, can I go?" I asked suddenly, taking her by surprise, I didn't normally ask to go on deliveries, being socially incompetent, I usually blushed and stuttered and made a fool of myself. My nose was still scrunched from whatever the stench was as I looked at her tall, slim figure. It really fucking reeked, I didn't know how she couldn't smell it from where she was.

She reached for her coat and then drew her hand back, "Uh, yeah, I guess so, if you want to, I'll just give you the address..." She reached into her pocket and pulled out a piece of paper with an address on it, handing it over to me,

"Thanks. I guess I'll see you later then." I liked how Angela didn't ask questions as to why I wanted to go, not that I could give her a very good answer, I just needed the fresh air. She smiled at me before watching me pick up my jacket and head out the back door. I nearly went without the keys.

Sweet Tooth had a little moped to whiz around on, but for larger deliveries, we had a small truck. I went back in and snatched the keys from where Angela had left them on the counter, she was being really weird in the aisle I had previously been in. She was smelling the air and then stopped and looked pretty confused. I was pretty confused as to what it was she was doing, so I just raised an eyebrow and slowly walked out. It must be the effect pink candies have on people or something...

---

Angela was right. This place was fucking swanky.

I was standing in front of this huge front door of an even huger townhouse. Is it stupid that I found the door very intimidating? Of course, I was in one of the most upmarket parts of town. And I must have looked like a complete retard. Clothes wise, I think I was ok, I had on a cream ruffled shirt with a pair of skinny jeans and flats. I looked like your everyday person, so I was careful to bring some form of id and a Sweet Tooth card so show I wasn't here to steal from them. But then I was carrying big clear bags filled with fifty boxes of candy. Nice.

Waiting at the door was making me anxious. I'd have to talk to people. I could feel a headache coming on. In fact this felt more like a migraine. I didn't even know who these boxes were for... shit! I didn't even know who these were for! Oh fuck, I really should call Angela and ask... where's my cell?

But it was too late, someone was opening the door, I could hear another door opening behind it, and soon in front of me appeared a small pixie-like woman, her nose slightly up turning, her features flawless. She opened the front door and made a sound of both amusement and irritation, I don't know why though.

She looked me up and down for a while and then looked behind me, past the steps I'd just climbed, and saw the Sweet Tooth truck parked by the sidewalk.

"Oh, _you're_ the candy person?" She said still slightly amused, her voice was irritatingly familiar but I couldn't remember where I'd heard it before. And no shit Sherlock, of course I'm the candy person, I'm standing here with bags of candy clearly showing the logo of Sweet Tooth. Duh!

"Um... yeah." I ran my hand through my hair nervously and I god damn blushed, I'm so fucking predictable, she hadn't even said anything! I really needed to pee as well, I'd only just gone before I left. My bloody nerves.

She sighed and stepped aside, holding back the door, "Can you bring them in and put them in the kitchen? I'll show you where it is." I nodded quickly, glancing at my watch. It was just after six, the sun was still pretty high in the sky, which I suppose was usual for May.

I followed her through the marble floored foyer, past the spiralling staircase and further on until we reached the kitchen. The kitchen was huge, just like everything else I'd seen, all the other rooms I'd passed on getting here, but then there was a surprise... oh yeah, not.

"Just put them there." The pixie woman pointed at the island counter top as I lugged the five large and very full bags filled with boxes of candy over to the surface. Thanks for all the help lady...! I put all the bags down and smiled, putting a Sweet Tooth 'thank you' card down beside them. Thinking I was done, I turned to leave,

"Can you take three of these boxes and put one on each of the side tables in the main foyer and one on the table upstairs? It's a hand made table, you'll know it when you see it, it's right near the top of the stairs, don't touch it, just put a box there, please."

She smiled at me and I smiled back, although behind the smile I was glaring at her. I mean, hello, I work in a candy shop, I don't put fucking boxes with candy around people's houses like the fucking Easter bunny or something...

But like I was going to say that. Nope. I just did it.

The side tables downstairs where easy to locate, the one upstairs, not so much. She said I'd see it at the top of the stairs, but I wasn't seeing it. I was just seeing a very large landing, a large window, another set of spiralling stairs and closed doors. I chanced that she meant the next floor, so I went up the other stairs, sliding my hand up the smooth polished banister until I reached the top. This floor was very similar to the floor below me, except the walls were lined with books. So many books, I think there were as many as in the library.

I stood in awe of them for a while. So many books, in large mahogany bookshelves. The colours were amazing. The royal blues, deep reds, greens, browns, creams. Some with gold writing on the spine, others black. Some old and dusty, others looked as if they'd be purchased more recently.

I could see the table I was looking for and walked over to it, putting the box down, never looking away from the bookshelves. I've always had a thing for books and I don't know why but all these books here, they were just... well they were just amazing. I slowly walked up to them, brushing my fingers against their spines, I just couldn't help myself...

"Bella?" I heard a velvet voice call from behind me.

I froze.

How the hell did anyone here know my name? Oh my god this was weird...

Spinning round, causing me to stumble a bit and generally look really cool, I noticed was standing right outside of an open door.

And oh my god.

Edward Cullen was sitting at a desk, staring back at me.

My heart started beating ridiculously hard and fast. I could hear it in my ears. I began to wonder if the next thing he might say would be 'Bella, I can hear your heart, can you please get it to shut the fuck up? Thanks.'. I mean, what were the chances?!

"Um... what are you doing here?" He asked not sounding rude or annoyed but honestly curious, and oh my god. I forgot, why the hell was I here again? My god, I couldn't think. I totally forgot about needing a piss though. Thank god.

"Uhh..." I looked around and then decided it was safe to just stare at my feet. My head was beginning to spin.

What the hell, does he live here?! When did he live here?! Does he live everywhere?! Oh my god... is he God or something?! Oh my god, I've caught an STI _from_ God. No wait, I don't know I've got an STI... Oh shit, I can't breathe. Oh fuck, my head...

"I...uh... I...umm...I brought the...uh....candy."

I shifted nervously looking at the floor, my face was feeling so hot. My head was feeling really hot too. I ran my hand through my hair, I didn't really know what to do. What was I supposed to say, I never thought I'd _actually_ see him again? I thought he was just for my dreams. And yet he was just sitting there, the falling sun light coming in from the window behind him, making his hair almost glow in it's wonderfully rusty colour. I swear, I nearly keeled over and died right there and then. He was smiling at me with this cute little smirk, although he looked confused.

I was confused too. I thought he lived in an apartment. I didn't think I'd see him again. I thought he'd use a damn condom _all_ the time.

I was feeling really light headed. I mean, I normally got really anxious and whatever, but I was feeling really dizzy right now. More than normal. Ugh, why now? Why does my life work like this?

**EPOV**

The last person I was expecting to see, ever, never mind in my house, was Bella.

She seemed different here, but then I'd never seen her like this before, how she was normally. When I'd met her she was all dressed up and what not. It was dark, we were drunk. But I could tell it was her looking at the books from the way she stood, the curve of her body, the way her hair was. And maybe I was just some crazy weird stalker for noticing those things, but I did.

So she worked at Sweet Tooth? I could imagine her there actually, strangely enough. I don't know why they felt the need to send fifty boxes of candy to me though, I wasn't really a fan of the stuff, but I'm sure Olivia would be thrilled, Phil as well. Alice hated the thought of being constantly surrounded by temptation.

"Temptation Edward, it greets you like your naughty friend." She'd told me, I didn't know what the hell that was supposed to mean but it sounded like it made sense. Sort of... Not?

Bella was still beautiful. I thought so anyway. I could see her properly now, my eyes not clouded by alcohol. Her eyes were a rich, dark chocolate, a lot like her hair, that also looked a bit reddish in the sun light. And her skin was a smooth even ivory colour. She was pale...in fact she was paler than I think she was supposed to be. I thought people were supposed to look ugly after the alcohol faded and you saw your one-night stand the next day?...Or after a month? or two? ...ish?

I got up and skirted the desk, walking slowly towards her, "Are you ok?"

A minute ago, her face had been red, now it was completely flushed of any colour, any trace of the red glow she'd once had now gone without a trace.

Her eyes fluttered and she slanted forward to lean on the door frame, "Yeah...yeah, I'm good." She said, her voice slightly breathless as she put her other hand to her head and began rubbing circles to her temples, "I just feel... kinda..." Her face was literally whiter than a sheet, I thought she was going to die or something. I didn't know what to think, but she looked... ill.

"I think you should sit down." I was actually beginning to get really concerned, she was swaying and she kept rubbing her brow. I approached her further and she let go of the door frame. There was a sofa in my study, not that far from where she was standing and I gestured towards it.

"I should...sit." She took a step into the room and then swayed again, putting her hand over her forehead, "I'm really...warm..." She muttered. I looked at her and then around the room noticing all the windows were shut.

"Oh! Just, uh, sit down, I'll open a window." I walked more briskly than usual to the window, turning the lock so I could open it.

This whole situation was really quite surreal. I'd thought about if I ever saw her again, but I never came up with her dropping off candy, being speechless and then feeling faint as the scenario we would be in. But then I'd never really given it _that_ much thought, I didn't think I _would_ see her again.

Maybe it was just fate. Or maybe it was just someone dropping off some candy. Who gave a shit, maybe now I could get her number...that's if she actually wanted to speak to me. I think we could be friends...

I pushed the window open, letting the cool early evening breeze come through. It was when I moved to open the window beside it that I heard a small thud behind me.

Yeah, I thought we could be friends, that's hoping she hasn't just gone and died in my study...

**Wa wa waaaa. So Bella seems kinda messed up, I think maybe she's a bit paranoid... eh eh eh, and now she's 'ill'. Sad, sad times. Well, I hope you liked it, please tell me if you did in the form of a review, yes, no, maybe? Anyway, I do hope you enjoyed it + since I'm not updating X&Y for a while, I'll take the time to have a quick ramble here because....**

**Oh my goodness, I cried and squealed like a little girl at the TV screen when watching the MTV movie awards! Seriously! Although some bits were weird, like Catherine Hardwicke at the end when she was like, let's say it again 'STE-PHAN-IE!' I was thinking, what the fuck?! Shut up you crazy woman! Haha, they cut her off with music anyway haha! I love Robert and Kristen for life! I so wanted them to kiss god damnit!**

**Ok, please review, I've had my moment, it's over now. Lots of love,**

**You know you love me,**

**XO XO**


	5. Rough Cut

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters. **

**Hey wow, you guys are pretty damn awesome, and you guess everything before I do it... haha! That's why I haven't really been replying, because I'm like... ow, well, yeah, that's it... hahaha! I will reply to everyone who reviews this chapter, I promise, and if I don't, well you can think up a suitable punishment. Even if all I say is thanks for reading, I'll say it! I'm still just pretty chuffed people read this! **

**This is all in Bella's point of view, Edward's thoughts will be back next chapter...**

**Song: Rough Cut-**Amber Rubarth**  
**

**BPOV**

"Bella? Bella, sweetie, can you hear me?" 

_No, I'm deaf as well as mentally retarded, yes I can fucking hear you._

I stirred, my eyes felt heavy and my head still slightly hotter than it should have been, but at least I was alive. I was very sure my heart was still beating anyway.

"Daddy is she ok?" a small girls voice said, followed by the velvety one I knew to be Edwards, I don't know why he answered her, I thought that big guy was her dad?

"I don't know honey, pass me that wet towel..." I felt a cool presence on my skin and a light amount of pressure being applied to my forehead.

"Maybe we should call a doctor or something...she's still pretty pale." I recognised that voice as the large man in the kitchen,

"I think that's just how she is..." And that was Alice, the one who left her card with me.

"She's definitely got some colour back..She was fine and then she just... wasn't." I felt the dabbing cease on my head and I made a small whimpering noise at the loss of contact, it had felt really nice. I tried to open my eyes slowly, I couldn't believe how heavy my eye lids felt, they were just sort of fluttering instead of opening.

"Bella...can you open your eyes?" _Hello, I'm trying._

Hearing Edward's beautiful voice certainly did help pull me round and my eyes opened, although it took a few blinks to get the room back into focus. Once the room was in focus, I could see four people staring at me. The small little girl with the strawberry blonde hair was staring at me curiously with wide blue eyes, and the big burly man was standing beside Alice, he looked a lot more concerned than she did.

And then there was Edward, kneeling beside the sofa I was lying on with a wet cloth in hand, smiling at me. And I, being Isabella Swan, blushed the most blazing shade, I'm amazed the whole room didn't light up in a glow of red.

"I think she's got her colour back," the larger man chuckled.

"Are you ok?" Edward asked, his brow furrowing with worry. I sat up and put my hand to my forehead, all of my hair falling in front of my face, groaning in response and running my hand through my hair to get it all out of my face.

"Oh god... I'm sorry." I swung my legs over the side of the sofa, "I should probably...go now." I got up and the dizziness filled my head again and I staggered.

"Or maybe not." Edward shot up, putting his hands on my shoulders, forcing me to sit down again.

He folded his arms in front of his chest and looked down at me with a cocked eyebrow, "But I have to go home," I said, standing again but he put his hands on my shoulders and sat me down, again, "My cat...he'll be hungry...I've got to call...I need to go home..."

The little girl who stood beside the sofas mouth grew with a wide smile, "I love cats. I want one... can we get a kitty?" She turned and pouted... at Edward?

"Olivia, I think it's bedtime for someone," Edward laughed as he messed up her hair, "Phil d'you mind getting her ready for bed?" He looked over at the muscular man who nodded once and then strolled over to her, effortless flinging her over his shoulder so she hung upside down.

"Not at all. Come on kiddo, time to make a move." As he carried her out of the room, Alice following behind, she parted her hair so we could see her face as she pouted. She was really cute but this was so confusing. Was she talking to Edward...or this Phil guy?

I watched and pondered as the little girl was being carried out giggling, and together her and the larger man started singing a song that was familiar although I couldn't remember quite what it was. I smiled nevertheless, she was rather charming.

It shouldn't have really matter who's child it was, no one here had any importance in my life whatsoever. Other than Edward who may have ended my sexually active life... not that I had one. People wouldn't want to touch me with a stick if I had an STI, ew. I wanted to get up and go but I was still feeling a bit dizzy, so instead I sighed loudly, defeated and tired. I didn't know what I was supposed to say now. I just wanted to go home and see my cat, cuddle him and have a smoke, schedule an appointment at the doctors...

Edward must have seen I was getting fidgety and eager to leave, "I can't force you to stay Bella, and I'm not going to try. However, I do think you should wait here for a while, just until you're not feeling dizzy anymore..." he spoke slowly, clear concern in his voice.

To be honest, I didn't really want to move from this spot at that particular point in time, so I gave a little smile and put my hand to my head, waiting, wishing, hoping the fucking light headedness would just piss off and leave me be.

"You can stay sitting there f you like. And you can go whenever you want, obviously." 'Whenever', except for right now. I wasn't going to argue with him, arguing wasn't really my thing...well not with people I barely knew anyway. That would just make me some sort of... ruffian. Bella Swan is no ruffian. Ha! What a joke.

I nodded and he went to sit back down at his desk. Alice came back in and handed me some aspirin and a glass of water. I thanked her and happily took it, I didn't want this weirdness in my head anymore. Once it was gone I could go home.

No one really spoke to me after that, Alice talked with Edward about something that sounded like work and then announced she was going home. She smiled at me and wished I felt better before she left. Whatever was on Edward's desk was apparently more interesting than me. Not that I gave a shit, I was just here until I felt better and the aspirin seemed to be working quite quickly. I didn't want any awkward conversation with him. What was I supposed to say? '_So...we had sex one time. Yeah...uh...good night, I think...Soooo...I'm gunna go...now.._.' because that is all I could think of right now.

I sighed and looked about the room, realising there were a load of books in here as well. It was a large-ish room, probably the size of my living room and kitchen put together . There were three windows, the largest one behind where Edward was sitting, at a dark mahogany desk. The carpet was a dark wood and the walls a midnight blue. It looked pretty nice in here, like something from a really old university.

It was the books that held my attention though. They were so neat and organised. All the books in my apartment were crumpled and thrown about all over the place. In fact, I'm pretty sure Hammy likes to play soccer with them while I'm out.

"You like books?" Edward said suddenly, not looking up from his desk. My eyes darted to him and I felt embarrassed that I'd been caught ogling his books. I felt like some kid who'd just been found watching some naked person getting changed or something. I don't even know why.

My cheeks reddened, as fucking always, and I looked down at my hands, "Yeah...I guess. I like reading. I read a lot."Ok well done Bella, you succeeded in sounding retarded, once again.

He nodded and then it was quiet again. I looked up at him, his facing was twisting and he was frowning at whatever it was he was doing. I wanted to go over and see what he was doing but I really didn't at the same time.

Get better. Get things. Go. That's all I needed to do.

The silence was making me feel really out of place, all I could hear was my own breathing, and I really didn't think I was breathing that hard. I looked to the books again and then back down at my lap and began fiddling with my fingers. Like I had anything else to do. I could leave soon, my head wasn't feeling so all over the place.

"You can read any one of them if you'd like." He said again, pulling me out of my stupor once more. I looked over at the books, that was really tempting... but I knew what I was like and I didn't want to ruin them or something stupid,

"Um, thanks...but, I won't, I don't want to wreck them..." He chuckled then and I looked up at him, his mouth pulled up into the wonderfully-beautiful-oh-my-fucking-god smile.

And oh my god, I couldn't breath.

I couldn't look away from him.

Holy crap he was... dazzling me or some crazy shit like that. I was dancing around my head like some crazy person in a trance, throwing glitter around and laughing and twirling.

I shook my head, bringing myself round again and he was staring at me expectantly. Did he just say something? Oh shit, what did he just say? All I was hearing was '_Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows...la la la_'.

I must have looked like a fucking moron. I was just gawping at him, really confused, "Sorry.... I missed that last bit..." I confessed eventually. Le sigh.

He chuckled this rather melodic laugh, it was really rather pleasant to the ear and kinda made me want to smile...but I cut that shit right out, "I said... well, I basically said I don't think you would wreck them." I wouldn't wreck them, pah, if there was a will, there was a Bella Swan.

"No, seriously. I would find a way... not on purpose mind you." I snorted, "I just sort of do. I'm really stupid like that. This one time I fell over my cat and managed to pull down the curtains, knock over the bookshelf which pushed over this table that had candles on it and set fire to my sofa... it was a really comfy sofa as well..." I frowned remembering that day. That was my favourite sofa. Damn candles. Damn cat.

Edward starting laughing loudly and I looked up at him innocently, realising what I'd just said. I didn't mean to say any of it, and now I was pretty sure he would see me as being pretty high on the loser scale. Smooth. My face was burning like something really hot, like my poor sofa when I knocked over the candles, and I frowned down at my lap. My lap always seemed like a good place to look. They weren't critical of me.

"You're pretty funny," he laughed. Oh yeah, I'm your everyday joker, "You're not that talkative...?You weren't so quiet the last time I met you..." Last time, first time, it was the same thing. And oh my god, I think he was saying that as in I was talkative that night...at the bar, but I was getting a whole different meaning...

I tried to ignore the dirty minded bit and gave him the benefit of the doubt, really I was hoping he meant the talkative part. Although my face probably told another story, giving me away to what I was really thinking, I shrugged, "No... I'm not talkative. I was, um, drunk then, I wouldn't normally do that... I get really uh, nervous?...around people I don't know..." Like you.

He nodded his smile dropping slightly, a little disheartened as he looked back down at his desk. I didn't mean for it to be like a slap in the face, I mean, I didn't know him... but I wasn't trying to say it in a rude way. I wasn't trying to say that I hadn't enjoyed... being with him, that it had been a mistake, well consequently some things were... It would be pretty awesome if I did get to know him... but then I didn't think he'd want to know me when I had to be the one bearing the news of ill sexual health.

I felt bad for saying it like that. But I couldn't really add to it now. Great, so I don't really speak, and then when I do, it's the wrong thing.

So this was me, trying to patch it up, "So, um, you're a creative director?"

"Indeed I am." Oh c'mon, throw me some rope here.

"Cool. So you do advertising stuff?"

"Yep." God, role reversal much. Except I'd run out of ammo, so I just nodded.

He sighed , looking up from his desk to me, a small smile on his face although he looked irritated , "I'm trying to think of some sort of line to say for this one... we've been stuck on it for ages now. I just can't think of anything. Look." He gestured for me to come over and I did, slowly, although my head was feeling fine now so I wasn't stumbling around like a drunkard.

"It's for this new Italian company we're working with. But, it's not..." He muttered, sounding irritated again. I tilted my head to the side as I stared at all the pictures,

"These are really good shots," I admired as I looked through all of them. Edward nodded,

"Yeah, my friend Jasper took them, he's amazing really." He sounded really rather proud of his friend. That was pretty darn sweet.

I nodded, "Oh yeah, Jasper does photography.I always forget. That's why Rose and Emmett have so many good photographs in their house..." I was talking the last bit more to myself than him, but he furrowed his eyebrows and looked at me.

"Rose as in Rosalie?"he queried, I nodded, "You know her then?"

"Yeah I was with her that night I met you... Well she went off. She's my sister-in-law, probably my best friend too."

"Oh, that was her? She looks really good, doesn't she have three boys?"I nodded, "You and Jasper are practically related then, you have the same nephews. Our best friends are siblings... what d'ya know."

He smiled at me and I smiled back and we this _moment_ where for a second I was completely content with just smiling at him. But, like most things, I started to feel uncomfortable and turned my attentions back to the photo's.

"She's gorgeous," I sighed, tracing her wavy blonde hair and perfect cheek structure with my finger.

Edward just shrugged, "She is. But I've seen prettier." _Yeah, I bet you have_. With his looks, just think of all the gorgeous women he was raking in. Saying that, I had this strange feeling like he was looking at me but I wasn't about to turn and look though, he probably wasn't and then I'd come across as stupid. Why would he be looking at me anyway?

"Hm, well, I'm afraid I'm not going to be of much help. I work at a candy shop and I don't know any Italian... although I do know a good pizzeria a couple blocks from me. And my name's Isabella. That's my claim to Italy." I laughed nervously and ran my hand through my hair. I could feel Edwards emerald eyes watching my face now, but I didn't want to turn and look at him. I don't like making things awkward, "I know 'Bella' is Italian for beautiful." I snorted, "but that's about all of my Italian vocab."

He nodded, "It's a lovely name. It suits you." I could have just smiled and thanked him, but no, I tried to stop it from happening, with all my might I tried to stop it, but blood surged up to my face and I'm sure coloured it a vibrant pink.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is when I take my leave. Thank you and goodnight, you've been great.

I stepped back from the desk, an awkward smile on my face, "Yeah, um, I'm feeling better now, so uh.... I'm going to go." Edward looked down and frowned but discarded whatever it was he was thinking, instead looking back up at me and smiling, a sort of... remorseful smile. I don't know what he was feeling sorry for, he hadn't done anything.

I walked towards the door as he stood up and leant on his desk, "Oh, um, thank you...for letting me stay here a while."

"It's not a problem. Thanks for keeping me company." Company. I wasn't much company. But his voice, oh geez, if my legs could turn to jello...

He ran his hand through he tousled hair, making odd bits stand in different directions, yet I still wanted to have sex with it. With his hair. That's how hot it was. Christ I had to stop looking at this man. The little voice at the back of my head reminded me. I smiled again, awkwardly shifting on my feet. I should have been walking through the door right now but I wasn't...

"I guess... I'll see you around." He said kindly. Yes maybe I will see you, at our wedding maybe. Next year? Month? Tomorrow? Why wait? We can be plagued with sexual illness' together!

I nodded, walking backwards in the direction of the door, "Yeah. Um, thanks again...ciao!"

Ciao? What the fuck? Why did I say that? Did I think that was cool to say or something?

"Ciao, Bella." He laughed and I turned in shame. But of course, walking backwards and all, I hadn't realised where I was walking to. So, as I turned I smacked my head into the door frame. The _wooden_ doorframe.

"Ow! Ah, shit, ow!" I grumbled putting both hands to my forehead, making a sort of hissing sound.

"Bella, are you ok?" Edward took a step forward but there was no way I was staying here any longer than I had already. If he saw that no, I was not ok, he would make me stay for longer. And I couldn't endure any more of his kindness, he was making me feel like I was a bad person, like I was a candy snatcher or something, stealing candy from babies while he was God being all caring and forgiving and blah blah blah. I needed to go home and mope. Fuck you Edward Cullen.

Keeping one hand to my head, I put the other one in the air to stop him coming any closer, "I am absolutely fine. Yep. Really it's nothing. I'm going. Thanks again. Um, bye." I stumbled out of the door, still cursing under my breath. 

_That was so going to leave a mark._

---

I hated doctors surgeries.

I hated doctors.

I hated this.

I'd come in the day before to get my blood tested and what not, I wanted this whole thing done and out of the way so I could get medication for it and get on with my life. Now I was just waiting to be called into my doctors office. So I had to wait in the waiting room. With all the ill people. And poor little old me with my low immune system possibly contracting god knows what sort of viruses from them all.

I'd tried to sit as far away from anyone else as I could, but there was only so far I could go. And then a cute little old man sat next to me anyway, and he had a fucking cold or something. So he was sneezing on me and coughing and sniffling and it was horrid. I turned my body, narrowing my eyes and condemning them all to hell whilst considering whether or not I should just bash my head against the wall. But I thought again about that, I already had a huge bruise at the top of my head from two days prior that I had tried, and failed, to hide with my hair.

I don't know why I was feeling so angry today. But I was. It was a I-hate-the-world day, and man was I hating it. I even got angry at Hammy this morning for sleeping all the time. He's a fucking cat, that's all they ever do.

"Isabella Swan?" Dr Jones came out, looking around and I nearly shot over to her trying to get away from all the infection around me. I was so taking as many vitamin supplements I could find when I got home, just to keep myself safe from ailment. I'm sure whatever I was about to find out I had would be bad enough without having the flu as well.

Once we were inside her office that was so squeaky clean I felt I'd make things dirty just by looking at it, that made me feel uncomfortable to say the least, I sat down. I fidgeted slightly in my seat in front of the desk as Dr Jones picked up a blue folder and sat down opposite me, inspecting the contents.

"Hm, well I have your blood test results back as you know..." She started, still reading through them, "And you don't have any kind of sexual infection or disease."

I didn't? "I don't? Nothing at all?" What the hell... but I had the symptoms... Oh great so I was overreacting then, these weren't symptoms at all, just a whole load of coincidences and Edward was not at all an angel marred by infection. Well, thanks doc, I'll be off then.

She shook her head, "No, your samples show no trace of anything like that at all." _Oh...well...good_, "However, there were high amounts of hCG in your blood." I didn't know what that was, but I frowned and nodded anyway like I had some sort of idea what that meant.

"We did various different tests seeing as you had symptoms that could sometimes be applicable to other things." She looked over the sheets in her hand once more before tapping them together on the table and then putting them down. "And the results from one show high hormone levels that actually indicate you're pregnant."

Tick tick tick tick... that's the sound of the clogs in my brain, slowly starting to turn. I must have spaced out, I'm pretty sure she said something about pregnant but, psh, I wasn't paying attention... the mind, always playing tricks on me.

"I'm sorry, what?"I asked, leaning forward a little just to make sure I heard her right this time.

She looked down at the pieces of paper on her desk, "The results show you are about six to seven weeks pregnant. All the symptoms you've been having are symptoms of pregnancy, you seemed to have the dizziness pretty badly but the symptoms and when, if and how bad you get them can vary from person to person. Now, you can speak to me or a counsellor about your options, what you do next is a very big decision. You can either go ahead with the pregnancy, give the baby up for adoption and of course there is always the option of having an abortion..."

Hold up, hold up.

She was speaking too fast and my brain was working too slow. Did she say I was pregnant? With a baby?

_But then . . . I would . . . Oh no . . . That means . . . I'm pregnant . . . with Edward Cullen's baby . . . oh my god . . . no . . . I couldn't be . . ._

Was I actually that stupid that I didn't even think of this being a possibility? I'd been so caught up in looking out for symptoms for STI's, I must have over looked the fact I haven't had my period, in over a month. But then I was irregular sometimes and I was going to get the pill to regulate them but then I forgot...

I stopped listening to Dr Jones, she was talking about all this stuff, health issues and choices but all I could think about at the moment was _oh my god I'm pregnant_. Holy shit. No really, holy freakin' shit.

What the fuck was I supposed to do now? I can't _have_ a baby.

What the hell have I done.

"Bella, you don't have to make any decisions right now, but the sooner you do, the better. You have the number for the practice, you can book another appointment with me but I'll give you the number for a parent-baby clinic so you can talk to a counsellor about options if you wish. I can't really tell you what you should do and neither can anyone else, but I can answer your questions and queries. But this is entirely your choice, Bella."

_My choice? Why the fuck do I have a choice? My choices of getting drunk and having sex put me here. Why isn't there anyone there to tell me what to do next? I don't know what to do. ]I can't even think right now..._

"...Ok." I said finally, my voice sounded a bit strangled but calm. How the hell I managed the calm I don't know because I was _freaking out_ inside. A baby. I couldn't look after a baby. I couldn't be a mom. I couldn't. I didn't _want_ to be... did I? I didn't want to talk to a counsellor. I didn't want to talk to a doctor. I just wanted to know. Without the talking. I needed someone to _tell _me.

Dr Jones carried on talking, but her words really were not registering with me anymore. I was just an empty shell she was sitting talking at. I don't know where _I _was, but I wasn't there. Physically, yes, mentally, I was absent. And I asked her if the tests could be wrong but she said they weren't. I even asked her if I was dreaming or having a nightmare, whichever, and she said I wasn't.

So this was real, and despite whatever I chose to do next, I had just put a huge fucking dent in my life.

---

"Are you serious?"

"Do I look like I'm kidding?" I grumbled, my head buried between my crossed arms as I rested them on the breakfast bar in my brothers kitchen.

The house was surprisingly quiet... I say surprisingly but it wasn't really. The twins were at school and Seth was asleep now, and he was quiet anyway. There was only the sound of some women's talk show on in the background and I didn't want to look up at Rose to see why she wasn't talking anymore.

"When did you even...?" She stopped for a second and then gasped, "Oh my god, Edward Cullen? Seriously Bella?! You didn't use protection?! That is so stupid!"

"One time..." I murmured feeling damn sorry for myself. Wow, Rose really knows how to cheer someone up. Thanks Rose, I love you too.

"Bella..." She said sympathetically and sort of... apologetically? But then what did she have to be sorry for?

Yes, if she hadn't have wanted to go out that night, I wouldn't be here moping about the fact I'm pregnant with a child I cannot possibly look after properly, but this wasn't her fault. I was the one who'd gotten drunk on her own free will. I was the one who had gone home with some guy and been to drunk to even realise we were having unprotected sex until it was too late. I was the one who was too fucking stupid to read the signs correctly, I mean now I thought about it, it was like DUH.

Like she said, it was so stupid.

I kept my head down and bit my lip, shutting my eyes tightly, hoping that by some fucking miracle this was just a dream. I was just dreaming. That I'd wake up and the whole last month wouldn't have happened. And I'd think, _woah, well, now I've had that dream I'll know never to go out with Rose again! And always wear a condom if your not on the pill... or trying to get pregnant._ But I wasn't waking up because this was no dream.

She sighed loudly, "Well, what are you going to do?"

"...I was actually kinda hoping you could tell me..." I mumbled, my head still down.

"What do you want to do?" She asked seriously, I tipped my head up, resting my chin on my arms so I could see her.

"I don't know... I can't have it, like, I can't keep it. I'll be a single mom, how the hell could I possibly do that? I don't want to have an abortion... but I don't want to get fat." What the hell was I saying, what did I want?

I frowned, "Rose, I don't know. I really don't know. I don't think I'm _ready_ for a baby. Financially, physically... mentally. Honestly, I don't think I ever will be." God, fucked up hormones meant I was getting emotional, already. Good lord.

"Bella." Rose came over to me and stroked my hair as I tried to hold back the tears, I mean either way, whatever I did now I was screwed, "Ok, well let's say you've ruled out keeping it."

"Can I say I've ruled it out in pencil?" I sniffled, I don't know, something somewhere didn't agree with giving it up completely. But what could I do?

"Ok, well you've ruled it out in pencil then. What about...abortion?"

"No. I'm not doing that. I don't want to have this baby, but I don't want to kill it." That was about the only thing I was sure of. I understood that some people saw abortion as the last resort or whatever... but I just didn't. She nodded whilst still stroking my hair to comfort me.

"Ok, well then that leaves you with adoption. You can put it up for adoption, that would mean you'd have to actually go through with the pregnancy though, which would mean getting fat." I laughed a little but it lasted a second,

"I don't know...What do you think?"

"I don't know Bells. I don't know because this is not me. My boys are the best thing that has happened to me, but then I've got Emmett. I've got a husband to help and support me, we're financially stable and I think we provide just about everything those damn rugrats want or need, including ridiculous amounts of love. You're only twenty four. I mean, I had the twins at what, twenty seven, and it doesn't seem like that big a difference, but a lot can happen in that time. I mean, Emmett got promoted, we moved, we got married."

I wiped away a tear that had fallen down my face onto my arm, "I don't have anyone. I work in a candy shop. There isn't much a can give it..."

"Bella whatever you choose to do you now me and Emmett will support you, right? It doesn't matter what you decide, we'll love you anyway because we're family, 'kay?" She kissed the top of my head before moving round to the other side of the counter. She leant her elbows on it, her hands cupping her face.

"Have you told Edward?" She asked,

"I haven't told anyone."

"Well, are you going to tell him?"

I shrugged before answering. Was I going to tell Edward? Would he even want to know? He seemed like he had his life pretty sorted out and busy enough without me burdening him with this _news_. But I couldn't _not_ tell him. I mean what if I bumped into him one day and he saw how fat I'd got, '_Oh yeah, hi Edward, I'm kinda pregnant with your baby at the moment, but don't fret I'm not keeping it. Nothing to lose sleep over here! Nice weather isn't it?_' I couldn't do that.

"I think he has a right to know...as the father...even if I'm not going to keep it..."

Rose twisted her mouth and then nodded, "I think that's a wise thing to do. I mean, you don't know how he'll react but at least he'll know."

I sighed. This was all so hard. I couldn't believe this was happening right now. I had royally fucked up. My life was basically booked up for the next eight months, _so much for that holiday I was planning_...

"This isn't going to be easy, you know that? We can look up possible adoptive parents? And then there'll be all the appointments, I can go with you if you'd like, ultrasounds, vitamin supplements, tests to check the baby's healthy, maternity clothes, mood swings, telling people... like Charlie, god, I don't know what he's going to say Bells. Stretch marks, achy boobs, hmm, they're a killer, and then there's the actual birth, now that hurts like a bitch..."

Oh my god, what the hell was I getting myself into, I couldn't do this! There was no way. I was Bella Swan, the accident prone cat lady! I hadn't even told Hammy yet, what would he think? Would he run away? There was absolutely no chance in hell I could even think to do this without my cat. Hell no.

Oh my god, I was about to destroy myself. And then I wouldn't even get the thrill of the end product. I was about to go through all of this to make someone else happy. Unfortunately for me, that thought was only partially satisfying.

I started crying.

Maybe it was my hormones. I suppose that was a cool thing I could do now, blame everything on the hormones. '_Bella, why did you push me down the stairs?' 'The hormones, geez, I'm just so temperamental these days!_'. No, I'm pretty sure this was actually just me crying, because I _was_ officially in some deep shit. And it fucking stank.

"Oh Bella, c'mon, you're going to be fine honey, I promise." Rose leaned over the counter top, putting her hand on my shoulder as I sobbed into my arms.

"Am I? 'Cause I think I'm going to be a whale." I blubbered. She giggled a little but I looked up at her clearly unimpressed.

"Yeah... only a little one though." She winked and I hit her arm, "But you know what you're going to do now?"

I wiped my eyes, smudging my mascara, I really wasn't expecting to be needing waterproof today, and sniffled, trying to stop the crying and regain control of my breathing. Because I always hyperventilate when I cry. I realised what I _wanted _to do and what I was _going_ to do were two different things, but I knew what I was _going_ to do... I think.

"I think I'm going to...go with the adoption... and I'm going to tell Edward. But I think I'm going to need you to help me. A lot. Because I'll forget what I'm supposed to be doing and stuff...and you've done it all before. I'm using you as my mentor until this is over and I can go back to my life."

"Ok, good." She stood up straight and held her arms out wide, "Now, come and give Rosie some loving. C'mon, you know you want to."

I rolled my eyes and reluctantly dragged myself round to where she stood, still cooing me over. To be honest, I did want some Rosie loving, I needed a big fucking hug right about now, and here it was. Right on cue. I knew Rose was good for something.

I tried to pull out of her embrace after a while but she just gripped me tighter, "Uh-uh, I'm not done with you yet." I laughed and tried to get away,

"No seriously Rose, let me go otherwise I might piss myself." She pulled back from me, still holding my arms and frowned,

"You need to go again?!" Ok, yeah, I'd been three times in the two and a half hours I'd been here but hey, didn't she know I had no control over my body's needs anymore? I was going crazy as far as I could tell.

"Yes I need to go...again." Rose rolled her eyes and chuckled before letting me go. She would know better than I did about needing the toilet at random moments and frequently. I hoped it would calm down as time progressed, but until then, I could just tell 'Fuck off, I'm pregnant' was going to become one of my new favourite phrases.

Great.

**As if you didn't guess already, sigh. Ok, so I want your reviews ra ra ra! Also, if you haven't checked already, I updated X&Y woo, I know, cool huh? Well only cool if you're reading it haha! Ok, I'm real tired right now, lack of marshmallows, god, I'm on a low...**

**Talking of low, someone commented on my height yesterday at the hairdressers, she was like, 'You're not small, you're petite.' I was like, yeah thanks, I think I know what I am, but thank you again for pointing it out... (didn't actually say that, just thought it!) but then I did get complimented on my name. Seriously though my name next to anything makes it sound like a designer. It's pretty cool, it's my surname really, my first name is lame and common. Actually it's not **_**that common. **_**It's a shame I'm not going to tell you what it is... ha! My surname that is. **

**ANYWAY, I'm rambling, Christ almighty, I need to stop rambling in a/n's, I mean I'm not so bad in this story but I have written author notes on the end of chapters that are actually longer than some people's stories...SO WOW, I'm going to shut up, tell me what you liked, didn't like, whatever, the usual. **

**Reviews are like the opposite feeling to smacking your head on the door frame in front of Edward Cullen. Wa.**

**You know you love me, **

**XO XO**


	6. Silhouettes

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters.**

**I kept my promise, replied to all your reviews, thank you all for everything. This is a longer chapter...**

**Song: Silhouettes-**Marmaduke Duke

**EPOV**

Isabella Swan was a fucking genius whether she realised it or not. Yes, a bit clumsy, nervous and shy, but a genius nonetheless. I swear, if she was here right now, I'd kiss her. God damn! I was absolutely buzzing, I had my fucking slogan...catchphrase...thing! At the time, it didn't strike me, I was still worrying over Bella hitting her head, you could hear she really smacked into the wood, and I wondered if she had concussion, but she seemed ok when she left...

It was after that, I was sitting at my desk looking at those blasted pictures again when I got it. Well, I was re-thinking what had just happened with Bella. How maybe she would have stayed a bit longer and I could have talked to her properly if I hadn't gone and made her uncomfortable. I didn't mean to, I honestly think the name Bella suits her... and I do think she's beautiful... but still, I didn't have to go and say it out loud, I mean really, it was blatantly obvious she felt weird after that because she said she was going to go... god I'm an ass.

However, had I not said that, perhaps she wouldn't have said what she said as she left, thus leaving me as clueless about this ad as I was before. But she had said it. Well actually, I'd said it, but she inspired it. And looking at the pictures and using my basic knowledge of Italian, it all fit together so well. Well, I was happy with it and honestly we weren't going to get anything any better. Believe me, I'd been here for god knows how long trying.

So I sent Alice a text, asking if she could book a meeting with the rest of the design and marketing team so I could pitch my idea. After that, I sat back in my chair and took some time out. That was something I could cross off on the mental list I had created, for now anyway. Thank you Bella!

For the first time in so long, I actually had nothing to do. Well, that was a lie, I always had _something_ to do, but I didn't _have_ to be doing anything right now.

I let out a long breath of air and slumped down in my leather chair. _So...what to do now... maybe I should send Bella some flowers or something, to say thanks. She won't know what she did...but I just feel like being nice. Hm, maybe I should wait to see what everyone else thinks, I'm jumping ahead of the gun a bit here, everyone might hate it at work, then I'd be back to square one. Maybe I should postpone the flowers until I know..._

Phil knocked on the door to my study even though it was open, "You could just come in, you know." I sniffed sitting up properly again,

"Yeah well, I've got manners. Anyway, Liv's in her bed but she wants you to tuck her in, and I've gotta roll man, got my own kid to sort out. I think the wife is gunna have a heart attack soon, Alex is like... Dude, I'm telling you, enjoy them while they're young, once they're teenagers..." He made a cutting motion at his neck, "Hell."

I laughed, "What's he done now?" Phil rolled his eyes putting his hands on his hips,

"Oh well apparently he snuck out the house _again_, 'cause you know he's grounded, went down a couple blocks to Tracy-Anne's house, climbed through the window, got caught in her bed by her mom. I've gotta go and yell at him till my face turns blue, not that I think it's that big a deal. I mean yeah he broke the rules, but he's a teenager, it's what they do. I know I've done it myself. Carol's real pissed though, so you know..."

I huffed, standing up and moving over to where Phil was standing. It was times like this that I was thankful I had at least another six years before Olivia started with any of her antics. I patted him on the back sympathetically, turning the light switch off in the room,

"Ah, climbing through windows, I'm pretty skilled at that myself. Hm, good times, good times. Well you have fun with that. You're not here tomorrow are you?" I shut the study door as Phil walked ahead,

"Nah, I've got the next two days off, I'm sure I can try and enforce some proper discipline into Alex. I swear, the kid needs to go to military school or something, it's like, I know you want to rebel and everything, yeah I've been there, done that, but know the boundaries..." He shook his head as we both descended the stairs to the floor below, "Well I'll see you later, man." He slapped my back in a manly way as he descended the next stairs and I walked the hallway to Olivia's room.

I preferred people working within my house to just talk to me like they would anyone else, not as their employer. Being called Mr Cullen continuously really pissed me off, especially after a hectic day at work where I heard it countless amounts of times. So many times I told them to just call me Edward...

I classed both Phil and Alice as friends anyway, they both used to talk to me formally, but once we got to know each other, I got them to cut that shit right out. I felt stupid with Phil calling me Mr Cullen, I mean, he had fifteen years on me, surely I should be calling him Mr Dwyer?

As I approached Olivia's room, I could hear her singing quietly to herself. It was obvious she was tired because as she kept on singing the same song over and over, she'd miss out a few words and then continue, her words slurring a bit. I pushed her door open to her dimly lit room. She had quite a large bed for a five year old, but she insisted she had it so she wouldn't fall off the edge while she slept. I'd told her she wouldn't anyway, but she disagreed.

She was sitting up in her bed with her rabbit, singing and talking to herself beneath the pink silk canopy that came down from the ceiling and split, going to either side of the bed. It was supposed to give her that whole princess' bed look she so desired. In fact her whole room was full of princess toys, dolls, teddies, pink fluffy things, white fluffy things...more pink, more fluff.

She stood up on her bed when I came in, grinning at me, "Daddy! Did you come to tuck me in?"

I stood before her bed, putting my feet together and my hand to my head in a salute, "Daddy, reporting for tuck-in duty, ma'am!" I said in a soldier like tone. Olivia giggled and sat back down on her pale pink duvet, pushing her hair out of her face.

"And you're going to tuck in Mr Bunny as well?" She asked, looking up innocently, a piece of her strawberry blonde hair falling back in front of her face. I nodded seriously,

"Why of course. We only have the very best tucker-inners for Mr Bunny and Miss Cullen." I went to her bed side, pulling back the covers letting her slip underneath them before drawing them back over her... completely over her, including her head.

"Hey! Daddy, I'm under here!" She laughed kicking her feet underneath them. I smiled and pulled them back, feigning a shocked expression,

"Oh I'm so sorry, I didn't see you there." She leaned forward and pressed my nose with one of her fingers,

"You're silly." I knelt down beside her bed as she laid her head down on her pillow her golden red hair spilling over the sides. She gave a small tired sigh, hugging her rabbit close to her chest, "Did that girl get better?" She asked quietly, her bright blue eyes slightly drooping already.

"Do you mean Bella?" She nodded, "Yeah, she got better and then she went home." She nodded again, and I rested by chin on the mattress watching my little angel as she became more and more overcome by tiredness. Silently she lay, twirling a lock of hair round her finger as she looked off into space, yawning every now and then.

"Is she your friend?" She looked down at me again, awaiting my answer. Was Bella my friend, hm?

"Well... I suppose." I said, taking a minute to think about my reply. I don't think, somehow, she'd appreciate my long explanation into how I'd met Bella and reasons as to why she was or wasn't my 'friend'.

"Why do you suppose?" Why are children always asking questions? Do they _have_ to be so inquisitive? What is this, the Spanish Inquisition?!

I sighed, twisting my mouth thinking of what to say, "Because I haven't known her for very long and I don't see her that often."

"Well I met this girl at the park called..." she paused to yawn and rub her eyes, "...Um... I can't remember, but she's my friend. I haven't known her for very long and I'd never seen her before." I smiled at her, if only that made someone your friend. If only. I'm sure Bella and I would be best friends by now...

"I guess Bella is my friend then." _Keep it simple, Edward.. _She didn't even know I had a daughter... maybe she wouldn't be interested if she did. Maybe I should have told her already. But we weren't really... 'friends'... we were sort of odd acquaintances. Oh I don't know.

"Will I get to see her again? I didn't get to talk to her, I don't know if she's nice or not." I sighed, she was getting tired, her eyes were shut now and her voice was drowsy.

"I don't know. Now, you need to stop asking questions and get to sleep, you've got school tomorrow so Laurent will be ready to take you at eight." I got up and bent over her, kissing her forehead, "I love you princess, goodnight. And goodnight Mr Bunny, I love you too." She seemed to prefer I said goodnight to her toy as well.

After stroking her hair, I straightened up and walked towards the door, "Wait, wait one more question! One more!" She called back sleepily from behind me. I turned around to face her, sighing with a small smile on my face,

"Ok, make it quick." She was quiet for a second before she asked her question. I was hoping it wasn't to do with Bella because I really didn't know that much about her to answer them.

"Can we get a cat?" I laughed and rolled my eyes. Of course, she was asking about getting a cat.

"I don't know...maybe. Now go to sleep!"

She giggled quietly and fidgeted in her bed, "I love you, daddy."

"I love you, too. Goodnight, sleep tight..."

"...don't let the bed bugs bite."

"Sleep as snug..."

"...as a bug..."

"...in a rug." I chuckled internally at our little rhyme, I always started it and she always finished my sentences. I thought it was pretty cute so we did it whenever I tucked her in.

As I was just shutting her door, she called to me again, "Daddy?"

I sighed, putting my head round the door, "Yes..." I said, trying to sound a bit annoyed by dragging the vowel sound out, not that she ever paid attention to me when I was. And if she was like this now, what about in ten years time... my god.

"There aren't really bugs in my bed are there?"

"No darling, there aren't really bugs in your bed. Now goodnight."

---

**BPOV**

A week and a bit had past since I'd found out I was pregnant.

I didn't look pregnant.

I didn't feel like there was something growing in my uterus.

I just felt tired, and needed to piss. A lot. And my boobs were sore.

If this was what feeling pregnant was like, then whoopee...

Unfortunately for me, the morning sickness had kicked in as well. And who the fuck named it morning sickness? Clearly _they_ hadn't been pregnant because I was getting it all round the fucking clock. Morning, afternoon, evening, night, it didn't matter what the time was, I was always throwing up. Well it felt like I was. How the hell was I supposed to be taking all the supplements and whatever when I couldn't even stomach them? I was only just eight weeks. I had roughly another thirty two to go... yay...

Rose had gone with me to the first prenatal appointment, they gave me all these vitamins and minerals that I needed to take and gave me the low down on what to do and what not to do when pregnant. And unfortunately for me, wine and cigarettes where part of the 'what not to do'. The wine I could give up easy, the smoking... that was going to be hard. I already had my Nicorette patches on but I felt like they were doing shit all, so I bought the gum as well. Not that that had helped much either. It just made me minty fresh...

I needed something to do with my hands. When I was craving a cigarette I started fidgeting, and then I got cranky, and then I usually just gave in and had one anyway. I was so pathetic.

I'd also had my first ultrasound, because I was getting dizzy a lot they had to check everything was fine. Which it was, I was just unlucky, but like I didn't know that already. It was the weirdest thing, I had this gooey, cold gel stuff on my stomach, it was gross... and cold. But I saw it. The baby. I couldn't hear the heartbeat which I was a bit miffed about, apparently it depends on the type of ultrasound and they were getting new ones or something, I stopped listening when the technician started speaking, I couldn't look away from her moustache when she did. Ew. Thank god Rose was there otherwise I would be totally clueless right now. Apparently she'd said that I'd have another one around eight weeks and I'd be able to hear it then. It didn't look like a baby, it looked like a bean. Still, I had the picture of 'the bean' up on my fridge anyway.

Now, I was sitting cross legged on my sofa watching Prison Break, well, I wasn't actually watching it, if you asked me what was happening and who the characters were I wouldn't be able to tell you, it was just on. There was a man on it with an amazingly ripped body but a very square and bald head... I stared at the screen for a while ogling him before looking back at my pad. I was writing a to-do list. And Hammy was helping me. He wasn't actually, he was sleeping on my lap like the lazy shit he is, although I didn't mind too much today.

So far I had a few things on my list: Stop smoking (underlined five times and gone over in bold), Find adoption parents (underlined), Buy more Nicorette gum (see if they have different flavours), Call Charlie, Make a cake (I like cake), Buy cat food, Remember to take folic acid and other vitamins everyday (followed by five exclamation marks), Buy some cheese... and that's where I'd stopped.

I tilted my head back trying to think of more things to put down, just for the sake of writing, when I caught sight of pinks, greens and whites. I sat up properly and turned my head, looking behind me at a table with a large bouquet of flowers on it. Really pretty flowers. I really loved them. I'm not a flower person, but I could tell there were orchids and lilies in there. And some pink and green stuff that were just as pretty, I could also tell they were expensive..._hmm_...

Looking at them made me smile, but when I thought about who they were from the smile faded and instead, I turned back and sighed.

I still hadn't told Edward.

I hadn't even spoken to him, I hadn't even said thanks for the flowers. I didn't even know what they were for, they just turned up at work one day with a card that said 'thank you' and then his name. Thank you for what? What the hell did I do? _Thank you for walking into the door frame, it had me laughing for days. Joker._ ??

So I had to thank him... for thanking me for something I didn't know I'd done. More importantly, I had to tell him about the baby. I didn't want to though, I'd been putting it off for the last week but the sooner I got it over and done with, the better.

In fact I was doing shit all at the moment, why don't I just do it now? Yeah, I'm going now... wait, where am I going? Where is he now? It's three o'clock in the afternoon... he'll be working, maybe... yes?

I looked over at my coffee table and next to the card Edward had sent with the flowers was Alice's business card. _She's his P.A., of course she'd know where he was. Maybe she could schedule me in..._ I picked it up and turned it around in my hand, typing the numbers for her cell into my phone. Or maybe I shouldn't go and see him... but if I didn't do it now when was I ever.

Fuck this.

I pressed call.

I t rang twice before she picked up, "Alice Greene." She said and I began panicking, what was I even asking for again. Ah shit, this is just the telephone and I'm still spazzing out.

I bit my bottom lip, "Hello?" She said, sounding irritated and like she was going to hang up so I spoke up,

"Um, hi...it's Bella Swan. I was just wondering if I could speak to Edward... I don't know where he is though and I don't have his number..."

She was quiet for a moment before speaking again, "He's working at the moment."

"Can I please just talk to him for a second... it won't take that long but it's... it's really important." I pleaded. Seriously please, I need to speak to him now, I'll pussy out later. C'mon.

"He's in a meeting, I can't pull him out at the moment..." She sounded as if she was thinking about something. I hoped she was thinking about letting me speak to him.

"Please, literally it'll take a few seconds and then I'll go." I was twirling my hair so fiercely around my finger I thought I was about to pull it out.

"Look Bella, he hasn't really got time to see people..." She sighed. Unless your work, but I _needed_ to see him. I didn't really want to tell her what for though, she might just stop me from seeing him all together as a means of protection. Because I'm such a curse, "...but I suppose...if it's _that_ important... you could come into the office, literally for a second. Come in, say your piece, and go. Really quickly. _Really_ quickly."

I sat and smiled into the phone, thank you God! Thank you!

---

So I had to get off my butt and find this building where he worked, from the address Alice had given me, I knew it was one of those big ass places in the centre of town. Jesus Christ, which means lots of people... looking at me... oh hell, they'd better not talk to me. And now it was too late to turn back. I was basically there already.

C'mon Bella, you just need to tell him this now and never see him again. Ever... but is that such a thing to be celebrating. He's gorgeous. I guess I'll just be drooling over the Calvin Klein models for the rest of my life... Edward's a real life one. I wonder if he has Calvin Klein underwear.... probably, who doesn't... Edward in Calvin Klein.... mmm...

I managed to distract myself with thoughts of Edward parading around my head in a pair of Calvin Klein's, I barely noticed I'd walked in already, spoken to the first receptionist and was standing in the elevator to the higher levels of this extremely large, extremely classy place. I felt a bit... well, crap standing here in just a pair of skinnies, stripy cardigan and a t-shirt with cats on. And contrary to popular belief (mainly by Emmett and Rose) I knew this t-shirt was cool. It's about the only mildly fashionable thing I've invested in myself. It was by an _actual_ designer...who I didn't know the name of unless I looked at the label. Don't judge the cats!

The doors opened and I let out a sigh. Partly for relief, I have a things for elevators, I always think the higher I go the larger chance I have of the elevator breaking and me falling in it to my death where I will be totally obliterated from the sheer force of the fall... It was also partly because I'd have to face Edward, but mainly it was because this place was crawling with smartly dressed, young, beautiful people. No wonder he worked here...

I stepped out, directly in front of me there was a glass secretary desk with a young dark haired woman with her hair pulled back into a bun and a low necked top. I walked over to her quietly, as soon as I came about two metres from her she looked up from her desk at me. It was so weird, it was like she could smell me coming or something, _ew, common person coming this way..._

"Hi, um, I need to see, um, Edward Cullen?" She stared a me for a long time, her eyes blatantly looking me up and down before turning to her computer. While she was looking at me, I couldn't keep my eyes off her boobs! I mean seriously, holy shit. And I don't even swing that way, but my eyes were not moving right now. Where they real? I would be seriously impressed if they were...

"Name?" She asked. And she was the receptionist, bloody hell, what are other people here like? I really should move my eyes from her boobs, it looks a bit, weird...

I lifted my gaze to her face, luckily she was staring at the computer so I wouldn't have to explain myself. Not that I could. Oh my god. My name? My name? What was my name? All I could think was _tits_...

"Uh, Boo-" YOUR NAME IS NOT 'BOOBS' YOU MORON. "Bella... Bella Swan." She typed something into the computer whilst I looked about the place.

There were quite a few people around, including some cute guys... they weren't really much on Edward, but still, definite eye candy. Mhm. There was also a huge poster in various places. I'm pretty sure it was the one that Edward was stressing over. It was done now though, it looked like it had been edited and stuff and something else....

I tilted my head to the side, there was a caption now. Well, a slogan thing, I don't know... there was writing on it.

_Ciao Bella_.

**EPOV**

I was riding a major high at the moment, not only had I delivered one kickass presentation on where I think we needed to go with the ad, but I'd also come up with the motherfluffing slogan and it was loved by all. I basically went on about how 'ciao' is both hello and goodbye , as a new Italian designer in America, they were saying goodbye Italy, hello America. Bella, obviously, beautiful and this was really being aimed at women and they like to be called beautiful, but then putting 'ciao' with it, was more translated as 'hi sexy' an informal greeting... or compliment, however you want to see it. And the perfume was meant for nights out, where surely this was the desired affect. They sell the product, we get the praise. BAM. Presentation over. I was bringing it home baby.

So the company was happy, the client was happy, I was happy. It was all done and dusted. So I sent Bella those flowers I'd told myself I would. Being the source of inspiration, I thought she deserved it. And I was hoping she felt better. And I was just looking for an excuse to send her flowers and have some kind of interaction with her. Maybe she thought I was some kind of stalker, I mean I hadn't actually given her an explanation to why I'd sent them... and that was two days ago now and she hadn't replied or anything... maybe she hated them. Maybe I was coming on too strong here, but this was totally innocent, just a friendly gesture. I suppose she didn't have my number...but she knows where I live. Both places as well.

"Mr Cullen, there's someone waiting for you in your office... Bella Swan?" Speak of the devil. But she was here? In my office? Really?

I was going through some papers with a colleague when a red headed young lady, her hair tied neatly back in a bun and the usual work attire on, approached me with a message. I looked at her dubiously, "Oh...why?" I asked. I didn't even know she knew were I worked, I hadn't told her.

The woman shook her head, "I don't know, she didn't say. She said she knew you were busy but it would only take a second... I can tell her to go away if you'd like?" She bit her lip, not in the innocent sort of way Bella did, but that obviously flirtatious way. I tended to just play along with it but I couldn't right now, I had more interesting things to think about. Like why Bella's in my office...

"No, no, I'll, uh... no, I'm coming. I'll be back." I said to the person I was working with, I couldn't give him a time frame, I didn't know what she wanted. I didn't care if she said she was only staying for a while, I would drag that while on for as long as I possibly could. I couldn't give a shit if I was working.

As I walked back down to my office Alice came rushing up to me, a cup of coffee in hand, "Oh, Bella's in your office, she called and said she really had to speak to you... not sure what about but you can tell me later."

"Yeah, so I've heard..." Stopping just before my office, I rolled my shirt sleeves back up and ran my hand through my hair before turning to Alice, "...How do I look?"

She eyed me suspiciously and then raised an eyebrow, "Fine? Edward just hurry up and speak to her, you've got a thousand things to be doing. And non-work wise, I've just been called by that place you found for Tanya? They said they have a space for her but she isn't willing to go... I think you're going to have to convince her. Oh and your mom called. Anyway, I'll see you in a few.." She grinned widely and went off in the direction I'd just come.

I sighed and then tried to clear my mind, _stay on the high, stay on the high, stay on the high_, I kept telling myself as I pushed the handle down to my office. I could see Bella standing in the corner of the room inspecting her hands and generally looking nervous...again. The whole of my office was made of glass so I could see her from outside and when inside, I could see everybody walking past and vice versa.

She looked up and gave me a small smile as I shut the door, "Hi." I said, moving over to my desk and leaning on it, folding my arms across my chest, smiling back at her.

"Hey..." She said quietly, looking back down at her hands, picking the polish off one of her nails. Whatever it was she'd come to say, she clearly wasn't going to blurt it out, despite how much she may have wanted to say it. And from talking with her before, I realised I'd have to coax her into making any sort of conversation.

"Markus Lupfer." I said and she looked up at me, rather confused. I nodded towards her, looking at her top and she looked down at herself, holding it out to inspect it.

"Oh right...um, yeah... I'm not really big on the names but I, uh, liked the cats." She hummed a little as she looked at it and then glanced up at me, "Oh, um... thank you. For the flowers. I really loved them..." She said, a little smile on her face but there was distinct worry looming behind it, like she was just waiting for me to smack her round the face sometime soon or something.

She liked the flowers. Oh wait, correction, she _loved_ the flowers. She doesn't hate me. Woo.

"That's ok, seeing as I used you were my inspiration behind the slogan for that ad. Did you see it on your way in?" She looked as if she was in thought for a moment before huffing and nodding,

"Yeah...I... I didn't know that's what you were thanking me for...? I didn't know... what you were thanking me for actually."

I chuckled, adjusting my position by moving round to the front of the desk and propping myself against that, "Yes well, that's it." I smiled at her but she just bowed her head.

As much as I was wanting and trying to keep this conversation alive, she looked like something was really bothering her and she didn't want to say much. But she'd come here, not me to her. So I'd wait until she was ready. Not that I had any idea what it was she was getting ready to say... if it wasn't to say thanks for the flowers...?

"You can sit down you know. If you'd like." She was standing right beside a white leather sofa but instead of sitting, she just looked down at it and shook her head.

"No... I'm ok... I'm not staying for much longer... I just have to..." She frowned to herself pulling her sleeves down, holding them in her hands and bit her lip, a look of despair clear on her face. I could see people in the corner of my eye slowing to look into my office as they past. That's what I really hate about everything here, it being so...see through, even the people. And everything's glass. You have no privacy.

"Ok..." she held onto her sleeves tighter than she was before, her perfectly smooth brow becoming more and more creased as she glared at the floor, "So... I'm pregnant." She held her eyes tightly shut, her lip still being bitten into by her teeth.

"Oh...well congratulations?"

So maybe she wasn't single. Maybe she was trying to tell me that she was seeing someone so the flowers were nice but maybe an inappropriate gesture...? They were totally innocent though! Ok, maybe not totally innocent but geez. Well, whoever this guy was, I wished them well. I mean kids are great, I don't know where I'd be without Olivia. Sometimes I think it's a shame I won't get to have another child... maybe I will, maybe I'll find someone. There's still time I guess, I'm only twenty seven. Meh.

She let out a little squeak and shook her head, then she looked up at me and shook her head again. I swear, if she bit down any harder on her lip she would just cut straight through it. I was waiting for the blood or something, "No, Edward, no...." She spoke quietly but looked directly at me. Her brown eyes piercing into mine as she tried to make me understand. Desperately willing me to. But I didn't.

So maybe she didn't want to have a baby then? She didn't want to tell him? She was pregnant by his brother? Abducted by aliens? I don't get it, speak woman!

She sighed in defeat, her whole body slumping down and she let her head fall followed by her hair, "No... I'm, I'm pregnant..." Yes, you said that already... Ok, maybe I should stop being a bitch, she was obviously struggling to say whatever it was she wanted to say.

"I'm pregnant...with...your baby."

. . .

"...What?"

**(And that was were I was going to cut it off... but I'm too good to you, so it goes on...)**

What? I'm sorry, did I hear her correctly? Did she just say she was pregnant with _my_ baby? But she couldn't be. She couldn't be because drunk as I was, I used condoms. I did. I specifically remember putting one on every time. Every time...except that one time I couldn't remember... oh fuck. Oh fuck. Shit. Shit!

Bella was fidgeting uneasily in the corner, "Wha-... are....are you sure it's mine?!" What the hell. It could be someone else's, I could have put a condom on that _one_ time and not remembered. She could have slept with someone else! I mean holy shit, was fate trying to make everything I thought of come true or something? Before, when I wished I could see Bella again, she turns up in my house, and now this?! I didn't mean it quite so fucking literally, like what the fuck?! My thoughts were clearly fucking lethal!

"No...you didn't...we didn't.. use protection one time..." She mumbled, her whole body seemed to be consumed by a non-existent dark cloud. This was what she didn't want to tell me. Holy motherfucking shit, I can fucking see why!

I was getting freakin' panicky now, I ran my hand through my hair, holding a handful of it as I looked around the room, desperately searching my head for something for me to hold onto here, "Yeah, but could it be someone else's? It could be right?"

She shook her head slowly, "No... no, I haven't... in a while." Huh, I wouldn't have guessed... but that is so not the point right now! What the hell was I going to do? What was she going to do? What were _we_ going to do? My heart was going at a hundred beats a minute. My head completely overflowing with all this new information.

_Bella. Baby. Me. Olivia. Tanya. Clinic. Ad. Papers. Pregnant. Mom. Work. My fucking life._ Too much, too much.

"Fuck." I whispered, my hands resting on my head.

She looked up at me, a few tears building in her eyes, "But it's ok because... because I'm not keeping it...so it's fine...you don't need to worry because it doesn't matter... because... I just, I just... I just thought you should know. And now you do...and I'm sorry because I shouldn't have... and, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to... I don't want you to... I'm sorry. I'm... I just thought..." a few tears fell down her cheek and I didn't want to see her cry but...

Holy shit Bella.

I mean really, holy shit.

She wiped her tears with the sleeve of her cardigan but they just kept falling and she kept apologising and I was just standing there. Like a complete and utter zombie. Because I couldn't think. That was so more than beyond the last thing I thought she was going to say. It was one night, one night and now she's pregnant? I thought this kind of shit only happened on TV!

But I had a daughter. I had a whole life. I had my work. I already _had_ everything.

"I'm sorry..." She mumbled, skirting past me as she walked briskly from the room. And I didn't move at all. I was just standing there with my hands on top of my head staring into the nothingness. This wasn't happening right? I'd wake up in a minute to Olivia jumping on me, telling me I was being lazy and to get my ass out of bed.

So why wasn't I waking up? Because I wasn't asleep.

This was really happening and Bella was really pregnant. And gone. And gone? I looked around the room seeing that indeed, she wasn't there anymore. I'd let her go, and this time I actually needed to speak to her, and I didn't have her number... No I needed to speak to her in person. Without me freaking out... ok, I think me freaking out is inevitable.

I slowly turned and opened the door of my office leaning my head against the door frame, some of the people standing outside turned to look at me like I was insane. But I was seriously thinking one of these days I was going to go insane. I was fucking confused as hell to say the least. I mean, what now? She couldn't tell me that and then disappear, yeah, not happening Isabella Swan.

I felt something pinch my sides as I ran my hands down my face, "Has she gone then? You were quite quick, I can't complain. Ok, what did she say? Why are you looking so... hey wait, Edward I know that face... what's going on?" I looked down at Alice who had a serious expression on her face.

Turning back into my office, I pulled her in with me. I could see everyone was watching us now, the nosey buggers, thank god these glass walls did not carry sound. Alice watched me as I began pacing the room, continually passing my hand through my hair and sighing.

"She's pregnant. I got her pregnant." I grunted. God just saying it. Bella was pregnant. With _my _baby, because I was such a fucking dick. I didn't even know her. I didn't even... god.

"Are you serious..." I stopped pacing and glared at her. Was I serious? No Alice, I like getting this stressed out when I'm joking. I actually rather enjoy pacing rooms in my spare time... of course I was being bloody serious! She sighed and put her hand to her cheek and scratched it, "So... what's going on? What's she doing about it?" She asked.

"I don't know." I said, beginning my pacing again.

"Well what did she say?" I pinched the bridge of my nose and closed my eyes, trying to calm myself enough to rethink what she'd said

"Uh, she said.. it's fine because she's not keeping it...and she just thought I should know, and that I shouldn't worry because..." I trailed off opening my eyes and dropping my hand from my nose. And that I shouldn't worry because_ she's not keeping it_.

Wait... what did that mean? Was she having an abortion or something? What did she mean 'she wasn't keeping it'? Did I get no say in this? Was I just the one to impregnate her, have her tell me and then just ignore her. What did she want me to say, _'Oh well, silly us, I guess we'll both know to use protection! These things can happen eh. Oh well, you go and get rid of it and we'll both just get on with our lives.' _

Because I don't think I could do that.

"Hello? Edward?" Alice waved her hand around my face, but I was in thought here.

"She's not keeping it..." I murmured staring past Alice. Was _I_ ok with that? In fact, never mind me, was Bella ok with that? How was she coping? What was she doing right now? What did she think? What did she want? I didn't even ask if she was ok... Shit. I had to talk to her. But she'd gone. Well fuck that, I needed to find her then, "Alice, can you find out where she lives for me, please?"

"Edward, what are you doing? Can I just remind you, in case you've forgotten, you have a daughter already. And an ex-wife. But more importantly a daughter. So, can you just include her in whatever crazy equations you've come up with in your head before you do anything drastic." She folded her arms and narrowed her eyes at me,

"Alice! Can you please get me her address. I'm not going to do anything drastic. And Olivia is high in my mind at the moment thank you very much, but I need... I need you to find where Bella lives. Please."

She huffed and uncrossed her arms, "You are such an asshole sometimes. And now you've really fucking messed up. God dammit Edward Cullen! You stress me out so much!" She got her blackberry out and typed something into it before narrowing her eyes at me, "I'll be back in a minute."

**BPOV**

Well. I think that went well. Better than I thought anyway. He didn't shout abuse at me or try and stab me with a pencil, so that was good.

But god. His face. Ugh, I'm such a prick. I hate me. Why did I tell him again? Because I can't remember anymore. I just felt like an evil bitch. I shouldn't have told him. He hated me. I could just tell, he thought I was really really stupid for being pregnant. And I was. I was so stupid. I was just so fucking stupid.

Maybe I should just have an abortion so I don't have to deal with this anymore. Maybe I should just rid of it properly.

Maybe I should.

But I can't.

I can't now. I've seen it. It's real. It's there. And I can't get rid of it. Not like that.

I held Hammy close to my chest burying my face in his black coat . Maybe that was why I was so unlucky, because I had a black cat. Well actually he was black and white, and anyway, I was unlucky way before I had him. It was pretty lucky I happened to pick out the best cat at the animal rescue place. And I was drunk. That's an achievement. Or luck.

Well, I had no luck now. Just tons of bad luck that followed me around everywhere like a dark cloud above my head. And it was eating me alive. Just when I thought things weren't so bad, they just go and get shitty all over again. I think I really was just a curse. And now I'd plagued Edwards life with me too. I shouldn't have told him.

Hammy purred affectionately, probably sensing I was upset, and rubbed his face against my cheek. I really loved my cat, he was better than any other person ever. And he didn't care that I was cursed, or pregnant or a complete douche. He just loved me because I loved him and gave him the necessities he needed to live. We had a good relationship. It was simple, it was easy, it worked. Why the hell wasn't the rest of my life like that?

I picked up a yellow folder from the kitchen before I sat back down on the sofa with my cat. It had pictures and information on the people who wanted my baby. Wait, no, it wasn't my baby because... no it wasn't, it was going to be someone else's baby. Until then it was...no ones. It belonged to itself. It was it's own person. I flicked through, not really reading the information but looking at the pictures.

All the people were so smiley. They were so happy. They were so comfortable, they had the means to take care of a child properly, how it should be taken care of. Just flicking through I could see doctors, lawyers, teachers, married, had money, were happy, they were a family. Except they were all missing one thing. My baby... _the_ baby. And they all wanted it so badly. I had the one thing they were all dying for growing inside me. And by accident as well. Man, God is a bitch sometimes...

There was a knock at the door which snapped me out of staring at these pictures of happy families. I put the cat down and dragged myself over to the door,

"Hello sweetie, I was just going through some of my mail and I seem to have picked up a few of yours. So, here you go." I smiled at Mrs O'Grady as she handed me a letter. It wasn't anything interesting but I thanked her anyway for giving it to me, closing the door to my apartment and throwing the letter down on the side.

There was a knock again. I opened it again,

"Oh sorry deary, I have another one here for you. Silly me, I missed it, well here you go." The old woman smiled, pushing her thick black glasses up her crooked nose before hobbling off again. I watched her go before shutting the door this time, making sure she didn't find anymore of my mail mixed with hers.

I shut the door and side, leaning against it and throwing this unimportant letter down with the other. Hammy sat up and meowed.

"Yeah I know, I think she's weird too... and I don't know why my mail gets mixed with hers. She lives five floors down. The mail man must think it's funny or something..." I walked back over to him, scooping him up in my arms and raising him in the air before kissing his nose, "I wuv yow" I cooed at him as he purred.

And then the fucking door went again.

"For fucks sake." I narrowed my eyes at it, taking the cat over with me this time, "Really Mrs O'Grady, just give it to me all at onc-" I paused and let out a shaky breath, "...Oh."

**I wasn't going to end it there, but it was just getting too long! I apologise... well, please please please review, I really love people who review... (wink wink nudge nudge) Anyway, tell me the usual likes and dislikes**** merci**** beaucoup. I appreciate anything from readers...**

**Bon soir, beaucoup d'amour.**

**You know you love me,**

**XO XO**


	7. Dare

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any its characters**

**Again, thank you all so much for everything! I loved all reviews, I'm glad you all like it! So yeah, as you can probably imagine, Bella and Edward, meh...**

**Song: Dare- **Gorillaz

**EPOV**

I had literally just ran around New York like a mad man. That's a lie actually. I wasn't running, I was driving... Ok, _I_ wasn't driving, I was being driven, but still I was in a hurry. I don't know why it was bothering me so much, but not knowing what Bella was doing, what 'not keeping it' actually meant, was really... distressing? I still had a thousand things whirring around my mind and would've really appreciated if she could just hold up one second while I thought all this through.

For all I knew, she could be at an abortion place right now, totally ridding of our baby. She wouldn't do that would she? I mean, fair enough if she doesn't want to keep it but..

I'd arrived outside the apartment block Alice said she lived in and nearly flew out of the car into some passing people, hoping to god she actually lived here and that she was actually in. If she wasn't in I'd wait until she was. And if she didn't live here I'd find her at work. God I sound like a stalker. Alice had given me two addresses, both in the same building, she said both of them had come up when she searched her so I'd have to check both. I went to the address on the lower floor first, taking the elevator up. I didn't like this elevator though, it didn't have stupid music in the background and it had a faint smell of feet. And it was moving so slowly...!

When it finally decided to open, I slid out of it's feet smelling confines and looked at the sheet of paper I had, apparently I was looking for 25a... so I looked for a door with that number, and sure enough there it was, _please be hers, please be hers..._

I knocked, running my hand through my hair as I thought of all the things I wanted to ask her. All the things I wanted to know. What she was going to do. Why she was going to do it. Whether my thoughts were going to be included in her decisions...

There was no answer, so I knocked again. Still nothing. Shit, maybe she never came home, maybe she's got rid of it already, maybe I'm too late.

"Oh goodness, is it my birthday already? Why on earth is there such a beautiful man standing outside my door?" I turned to see an old woman with thick glass giggle, holding mail in her hands wobble over to where I stood from the closing elevator. _Her door?_ Oh thank fuck, there was still hope.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I must have the wrong apartment." I smiled at her and turned, gliding over to the elevator where a man with a large plank of wood was now trying to fit into it. _Are you kidding me?_ His efforts were fruitless. The wood wasn't going to fit and yet he kept trying. He kept trying, he kept wasting my time. Just standing there watching him was almost painful.

That's it. I'm taking the fucking stairs. The piece of paper in my hands said the other possible apartment was five floors up... Yes, I hadn't been to the gym in a while, but going up five flights of stairs wouldn't be too bad right? Wrong. Somewhere between the last time I'd worked out and now, I had become some kind of unfit baboon monster thing. It was pathetic. I nearly died half way up the third flight. Stupid fucking wood man, can't he see it isn't going to fit! Dumbass, some people have got to get places...

Seriously, I climbed the five flights, may I add I was sprinting just so it didn't take so long, and by the time I'd got to the door that was supposedly Bella's and knocked on it, I was panting like a dog. I actually had to bend over to catch my breath. I was amazed I didn't have a big sweat patch around the neck of my shirt or something. When the hell did I become this unfit?! I used to be able to take ten flights of stairs and be totally un fazed! _I think the gym is calling..._ I scuffed my damn shoes on the stairs as well. Fucking Gucci. Alice was going to kill me...

**BPOV**

...

What the hell? Why is he at my door? Why is he here?

Edward was standing at my door looking like he'd just run a marathon or something... How the hell did he even find where I lived? And so freaking quickly? It would have taken me a couple days at least, it's taken him, what, an hour and a half? Am I that easy to find? I suppose so... just follow the dark rain clouds and they're I'll be.

"I just ran up...five flights of stairs...to get here..." He said breathlessly, combing his hair with his fingers. "D'you know that you come up with two addresses? One of them says you live five floors down, but apparently not..." Really? So that'll be why my mail goes down there sometimes... I'm going to have to see into that.

I put Hammy down on the floor and he mooched over to Edward and rubbed up against his leg before doing the same against mine. I felt the need to inform him that this was my baby daddy, but I figured I could tell him later. I was weird enough without doing that...in front of Edward as well. That would just be retarded. I watched the cat as he ambled away but I could feel Edwards stare on me and it was beginning to make my face heat up. And my face heating made me uneasy. And being uneasy meant I didn't want to look at him, but I couldn't just leave him at my door like this.

"What did you mean 'you're not keeping it'?" He asked suddenly and seriously now he'd caught his breath. Yeah, I'm not having this conversation in the hallway, I have neighbours. Nosey ones at that.

"Um... you should come in." I didn't raise my eyes to look at him but I pushed the door further back so he could come inside, which he did and immediately went back to his question.

"What did you mean?" He asked again, I imagined he was staring straight at me, his eyes were boring into the side of my head. I sighed and shut the door before turning around and walking past him to stand behind my sofa.

I shrugged, "I mean... I'm not keeping it..." Hammy jumped up onto the sofa and walked across the top and I began stroking him. I was just basically using him as a source of comfort because, right now, I looked pretty calm. But inside. It was like, _shit, shitty shit shit! Shitty shit shit shit! Fuck! God dammit!_

"But how so? What are you doing? Are you having an abortion?"

I didn't like Edward being here. In fact I hated it. And I really hated this feeling I got when I went to see him earlier, and again now. I felt like I was doing something wrong. Not the telling him bit... although on getting home, and even now, I was beginning to think of that as more and more of a mistake. But Edward made me feel like... like I was wrong. Like I was doing this all wrong. Like I didn't want to give it up at all. And I didn't like feeling like that because that just put me back to square one, and when I was there I'd just realise again that I can't look after it, as much as I'd like to, I can't. Which would lead me back here and I'd just be going round in a vicious fucking circle. One I didn't want to be in.

It wasn't _him_ I was hating. It was the feelings he so rudely decided to bring with him. Bastard.

I sighed again, "No... I'm giving it up for adoption." He sighed. Sorry, was that a sigh of relief or a sigh of frustration? Was he hoping I was having an abortion?...Or not? What did he want? What was he wanting me to say? What the hell did he come here for?

**EPOV**

Ok, good. She wasn't having an abortion, well, that made me feel a bit better. A bit better, only a bit. I mean fuck, she was still pregnant. Thanks to me. Yeah. Good one. But I wasn't freaking out, I wasn't freaking out...

"So you're going through with the pregnancy then?" I said, still staring at her intently. She twisted her mouth and looked down at the cat, winding it's tail around her hand.

"Mm, yeah... I guess..." she bit her lip and sighed loudly, looking up into my eyes. Hers were filled with some deep emotion I couldn't figure out, and then there was desperation, "Look Edward, you don't have to be here... I think you should go, you don't have to do anything, really it's alright. I'm going to have it and then give it to it's new parents and that'll be the end. That'll be it. I don't know why I told you... it seemed like a good idea at the time, but now I feel like shit. I'm just dragging you down with me..."

She frowned moving her eyes away from me to the cat. I took in my surroundings while she stood there stroking it. Her apartment was a hell of a lot smaller than mine, but it was homey. It was comfortable. It was warm, and from what I could see, it had a pretty good view. It was really... Bella. And I barely knew her, but I could just tell. Worn books piled up on top of each other, colourful fabrics and patterns, CD's, a hairbrush, a bottle opener, empty mugs, a box of cigarettes. Yeah, this was Bella.

"So that's it? That's what you're doing?" I asked looking back at her. She stopped stroking the cat for a second but then continued again and nodded. "And you're ok with this? This is what you _want_ to do?" I had to stop thinking about me for a minute. All the way here I'd been thinking how is this going to effect me. What am _I_ going to do. What about _my_ life. It was selfish and stupid, I wasn't the one pregnant here.

"I think so..." She mumbled, not sounding too convincing.

"You think so? So you're not sure...? So you can't possibly want this then. Not completely. What do you want Bella?" I was pressing on with this, I wasn't leaving until I knew exactly what it was she was doing, why she was doing it, and that whatever it was she was doing, it was because she _wanted_ to do it, not because she felt like she _had_ to.

"Edward, stop. Ok, just stop. It doesn't matter what I want. I'm doing what's practical here. It's just best for everyone. It's better for you and it's better for the baby. Why the hell would it want to be stuck with me?! I'm alone with my cat. I don't make a lot of money, I can barely look after myself never mind someone that is totally dependant on me. It just wouldn't work. It would be so much happier with people who could look after it, give it everything it needs. I can't do that, ok. So, that's it."

She wasn't even going to try, she was just going to give it up like that? "I'm not stopping until I know you're doing what you want to do. And how d'you know it would be better for the baby? Surely the better thing would be to be with it's mother."

I turned to lean on the wall and stare at her, trying to figure out what she was thinking, but she was very hard to read. Other than the obvious emotions, I could see she was now quite distressed and annoyed. I couldn't tell which she was more of though. I think she looked more upset than irritated. I wasn't trying to make her upset, but I just wanted to know what she wanted.

"Edward, this is what I want! This is what I'm going to do because I know it's right, because I know it's what has to be done. It sucks, but that's just too bad. Life's shit, but we move on. I am thinking of this baby here, not me..." She looked away at a wall and scowled, "I don't think... I don't want to give it up but... but I want it to be happy and I want it to be loved, so..." Her chest was moving in an irregular pattern as though she was trying to stop herself from crying or hyperventilating... maybe both.

I knew she didn't want to get rid of it. She was difficult to understand but I could tell when she was lying. She frowned a lot and avoided eye contact... well more than usual. Maybe because her eyes gave her away, "Bella..." I moved from where I stood to sit on the edge of her coffee table, opposite to where she was standing. She was still scowling at the wall, although it wasn't such an angry glare anymore. Her bottom lip was quivering and her breathing was still shaky.

"I can't give it anything Edward, so what would be the point?" She mumbled running her hand through her hair and still purposely avoiding looking anywhere close to where I was sitting, "Why are you doing this? Why are you making this so much harder?"

I sighed as she used her sleeve to dab her eyes and sniff, still looking away from me, "I'm not trying to make it harder... I'm just..." Confused as hell.

She didn't want to give it up really. She knew that, I knew that, but she still was. Now back to being selfish, what did I want? If she kept it... that would make one hell of an impact on my life because I couldn't ignore the fact Bella was having _our_ child. On Olivia's life. Could I do that to her? It seemed irresponsible. What would she want? What would she feel? Would she hate me? I couldn't lose my daughter. I wouldn't. And shit, Tanya. She'd hate me for sure, but we weren't together anymore, she was irrelevant. Unless Olivia wasn't happy.

This seemed like Bella was too busy trying to appease everyone else, completely discounting herself and what she felt. If she had the means to support herself properly, well, in the way she wanted to, maybe she'd keep the baby and be happy... Or at least she'd try to be. She didn't though. But I did have the means to support her...

I groaned in annoyance because I didn't know what to do, or say, or think. I rubbed my face with my hands, "How far are you, about seven weeks right?" I spoke into my hands before putting them on the back of my neck.

"Eight." She murmured, looking in the direction of her kitchen. "...and two days." If she knew the exact amount, she must have been to the doctors already.

I sighed, rubbing my face again before placing my hands on top of my head applying pressure to my brain which felt like it was about to explode or implode, one or the other.

"Ok. I've already got a child. I have a little girl who I have to put first in all of my thoughts because she relies mainly on me, and I can't make any decisions without thinking about her first. And I wouldn't make any decisions without thinking about her, because she is my absolute number one priority. To make sure she's happy and she's loved. So I know what you're going on about Bella. But whether you like it or not, you've just placed yourself into my life as well. And... I don't think you should give it up... the baby. I think you should keep it."

She looked at me then, a load of different emotions crossing her face. Shock, dismay, curiosity, realisation, worry, maybe the tiniest bit of hope? But then her expression went completely vacant.

"I'm definitely not keeping it." She said almost mechanically, there was nothing behind her voice. It was just as blank as her face.

"Why not?!" I asked, my brow creasing. If she was going to go into how it's because I had a daughter, and she didn't want to be the one to ruin everything and blah blah blah, I would shoot her. I'm a grown man, surprising though it may be, I actually am capable of thinking for myself, taking everything into consideration. I know right, wow.

"Because! You have a child already! Oh my god... now I'm a home wrecker too... no, Edward, I can't. I told you. And now I really can't, I can't do that, that's not fair. On her or on you. No. No..." She shook her head. Bang bang! Fucking hell!

I just chose to ignore her and carry on with what I was saying, "I think you should keep it, and if you did... I would fully support you. Financially or otherwise. I'll pay for everything for as long as you need it. And if you need it forever, then I'll give you money forever. If that's what it takes to make you keep it. Because maybe I'm being selfish but... _I_ don't want you to give it up to strangers. _I _don't want my child, _our_ child to grow up and not have any idea who it's real parents are. And yeah, we've been really stupid, and this is the last thing we thought would happen... But _I_ cannot get my head around that. That kid has my blood going through its veins therefore I make it my responsibility. And I will take full responsibility of it, but you've got to work with me here Bella."

_Edward, what are you doing..._

She huffed, looking up to the ceiling, "You're not looking at the bigger picture. Let's say I kept it, what would you tell your daughter? 'Oh yeah, by the way, you have a half sibling, I slept with this random lady one time and yeah, we were careless'? How would you go between the two? You see, it would be stupid to do that, it might ruin everything you have already. I don't want to be that person Edward, I don't want to ruin it all for you."

Bloody hell, she's so damn stubborn. Although she has a point... "But it might not ruin everything. Maybe... maybe I'll see you from time to time..."

She frowned, "What so I'd be left to answer all the questions? 'Where's daddy? How come I only see him every now and then? Why do I only get a card and a present at Christmas and birthdays? Why don't I see him more?'. That's not fair, Edward. It just won't work."

"No. I'll make it work. God dammit Bella, I am not letting you give up this child." This was seriously pissing me off now. Alice would slay me if she was here in this conversation. I'm pretty sure she would be on Bella's side. But I couldn't agree with her, there was just something built into me that couldn't let her do this. And I knew she didn't want to. And I wasn't going to let her.

I wasn't panicking anymore. Maybe I was making some rash decisions here, but then again, maybe I wasn't. How could I possibly go through life just wondering where one of my children were? Were they happy? Who taught them how to ride a bike? How was their first day of school? What did they look like? Did they look like me or Bella? How did they act? Were they polite? Were they smart? Who were they friends with? Did they know they were loved?

I couldn't do that.

I don't know about Bella, but I couldn't.

"Bella, if you gave this child up, every single day you'll wonder what could have been. And you'll never know. You'll just be here, alone, with your cat, forever for all you know. What if you never have an option like this again? I'm giving you that option now. So take it. Please. Just... do... I'll make it work, somehow. I'll do both. I'll find a way."

Shit. Alice was never going to talk to me again... I never made big decisions without her, yet here I was, going off the top of my head. And this was a fucking huge. Bella really looked as if she was considering this but then she sighed again, shaking her head and putting her hand to her brow,

"I can't Edward. I can't... You don't even know me. You know nothing about my life... well very little, and there's not a lot I know about you either. It's could never work." The last part sounded more like she was trying to convince herself more than me. It wasn't convincing me at all.

"We've got thirty odd weeks, Bella. I'm not asking you to marry me or anything. We can just talk, at least be friends."

"What about your daughter? What are you going to say?" Oh my god, was I actually getting somewhere here? Was she actually listening to me?

"I'll have to speak to her. Indirectly ask her what she thinks... the only way I can make this work properly is if... if you're around, if she knows you. She'll have to like you. She's very understanding most of the time, for a five year old, but I don't know..."

She put her hands on the back of the sofa and leaned forward before putting her hand on her stomach, making a small sound of annoyance, "...Are you ok?" I frowned really actually quite concerned. She nodded slowly but her head remained down and her hand on her stomach. Her hair tumbled forward, hiding her face from view until she took a deep breath and stood up straight.

"Edward, you're being really caring but..." She stopped abruptly, her face suddenly struck with horror, one hand flying to her mouth and the other to her stomach as her body lurched forward a bit, "Oh my god..." she squeaked looking around in dismay as her body lurched again and she ran into the kitchen, almost tripping over herself, grabbing the side of the sink just in time to throw up into it. Nice.

**BPOV**

I really wished I could play the guitar. If I could play the guitar, I'd move away from this kitchen sink and go and compose a song about how I hated my life in my bedroom. Then I'd sit on the street corner and strum away, maybe getting a couple dollars from passers by who found some solace in my lyrics. I'd be a form of support for those who saw no point anymore, don't worry, brothers and sisters, there will always be a Bella Swan out there. You are not alone.

But I couldn't play guitar and I was currently retching as I held myself over the kitchen sick. Fucking morning sickness. It was half five! I was so fucking lucky I did the washing earlier so there was nothing in there because I would really not like to clean that shit up. That would just be beyond gross.

I really wanted to cry, in fact I really thought I was about to. Because I really hated being sick. And I really didn't want to be sick in my hair! And it was falling around me since I was already using one hand to hold myself above the sink, and one was on my stomach. Oh my god, no! I really really hated throwing up with company. So I was basically suicidal doing it in front of Edward. And then while he was trying to get me to keep this damn child as well. And the worst thing was now... now I really thought I wanted to. Damn him. This is what I didn't want. He was supposed to hate me and ignore me, let me have the baby and give it to someone else and we'd never see each other ever again. Perhaps passing in the street in five years time...

Why didn't he do what he was supposed to? Why the hell was he so damn... so fucking... ugh _nice._ Why did he _care_? He wasn't supposed to care. He was supposed to think I was totally right in doing what I was and not question me. If he didn't question me, I wouldn't question myself. So what does he go and do... and now I didn't know what I was doing. Because he was really confusing me. And it couldn't work, it would just be weird, and unfair and... we'd had a one night stand, I don't know him! He doesn't know me! This was so stupid.

Anyway, I was still hurling into the sink and generally feeling disgusting. And wanting to cry. I heard a sigh from behind me, but I was not moving right now. The muscles in my stomach was squeezing me so fucking tightly like they were trying to make the point of leaving nothing in me. But then out of nowhere, all of my hair was being pulled back and held behind me and in the corner of my eye I could see him leaning next to me as I continued to heave.

Fucking hell.

"And you're willing to go through all of this for nothing? When you don't even get the treasure at the end?" He said after a while. I'd already thought about this, god, I wasn't stupid. I'd stopped spilling the contents of my stomach, which luckily wasn't that much since I'd been like this for the past week. The first day I realised stuffing my face was not a good idea...

I didn't want to speak though, so I just turned the tap on and let the water wash everything away, "Are you done?" he asked kindly. Ah geez, I hate him so much right now. Why is he doing this? I sighed and nodded, rinsing my mouth out with some water and he let go of my hair. I wasn't going to say anything until I'd brushed my teeth so I ignored him for just a second to go to the bathroom and brush my teeth.

When I came back, he was in the exact same place, watching me as I crossed the room and leant against the back of my sofa, the opposite direction to how I had been before so I could face him in the kitchen.

"So as I was saying..." Before I started throwing up. Awkward. "I really don't... it's not that..." What was I trying to say? I couldn't remember I just sounded stupid and confused. But what did he think I was going to say, 'Oh yes Edward, that's a great idea, let's all just play happy families, we'll find a way, it'll all work out even though we don't know each other, and you lead a completely different life to me. But who's counting that?'

"I don't know what I want..." I murmured looking him directly in the eyes, because I was being completely honest here. I didn't have a clue. I didn't know what the hell I was doing. I was confused. I was annoyed. I was fucking scared, "_You_ can provide as much money as you want, but that wouldn't make _me_ any better at being... a parent. I guess you've already done it all, you do it everyday. I don't have anything, I don't know anything... and I don't know if I want to try... but I don't know if I want to give up."

Edward shrugged and pushed himself off the counter and walked towards me, closing the large space between us, "You have people who can help you Bella. You have your family and... I wouldn't leave you on your own. Like I said, I'd support you financially or otherwise. I wouldn't expect you to just do this alone..."

I opened my mouth to say something, but what was the point, so I shut it again and frowned. My head. So much stuff crammed into such a small space. Not cool.

"I'm not going to force you Bella. This is ultimately your decision, not mine. It's your body, you're it's mother... but I'm not giving up. And I will actually spend all thirty two weeks trying to convince you otherwise if I have to. Because I really think that _you_ think you're doing the wrong thing."

Well fuck me. Actually don't, that's what got us here in the first place... I wasn't going to win. But I wasn't about to lose either. I still wasn't so sure and I wasn't making any decisions right this second... with all this put into consideration.

"I'm not saying no to the adoption... but I'm not saying no... to thinking about keeping it either. I can't decide anything right now. Either way, I will actually be having another person growing inside me for the next seven months..." I sighed, gathering all my hair in my hands and then letting it fall.

What was I saying? Was this what I wanted? Was it not? "It just seems so..." I shook my head, "I don't know you, at all."

Edward smiled at me, not a large one, just a small smile but it was lovely, whilst holding out his hand.

"Hello, I'm Edward Anthony Mason Cullen. I'm twenty seven, my birthday is June twentieth. I'm a Creative Director working for a large ad company. I was born in Chicago, but I grew up in Forks, Washington, uh, my father's a doctor my mother is a part-time pre-school teacher. I have no siblings. I have weird bronze-ish, reddish, brownish coloured hair and green eyes. I'm a single parent, I have a daughter called Olivia, she's five. She's obsessed with Disney princesses. I have never loved one person more in my life. I have two houses here in New York. Well, a house and an apartment. My best friend is Jasper Hale although Alice Greene my P.A. is equally important. I like apples, I love music, I love books. I like chocolate more than vanilla. It's nice to meet you."

His smile grew. Was he being serious? And did he say he lived in Forks? I stared at his hand, and then at him, and then back at his hand before rolling my hand, and slowly moving mine forward to take his,

"Um... Isabella Marie Swan. I'm twenty four, my birthday is September thirteenth. I'm...pregnant. I work in a candy shop. I was born in Forks, Washington, I moved to Phoenix with my older brother, Emmett, and my dad soon after... I moved back to Forks when I was seventeen. My dad's the Chief of Police. Um..."

Hm, it was quite hard, my life wasn't that interesting, and I was majorly editing this anyway, I didn't want to tell him everything, this was our 'first encounter'.

"I'm plain and boring, I have brown hair, brown eyes and I'm really pasty... I'm not very sociable, I'm really shy... my best friend is probably my sister-in-law Rosalie Swan. Oh no wait, my cat, I love my cat more than anything else in my life at the moment. His name is Hammy and I would die if I didn't have him..."

"Cats don't live that long you know." He added smugly but I chose to ignore his comment,

"I love marshmallows. I smoke like a chimney, I'm trying to give up but it's really hard... uh, I love cats, drawing and books. I like vanilla more than chocolate... I think that's it..."

Edward eyes lit up with genuine interest, "No way, you lived in Forks too? Ah man, I'd left when you were there though. I would have just missed you. Huh..." He looked off to the ceiling then let go of my hand, "Isabella Swan? I think I got an Isabella pregnant one time..." I narrowed my eyes at him. If that was supposed to be funny, I wasn't laughing. He smiled but I was not impressed. _Yeah you got me pregnant, asshole_.

"D'you want to see... my ultrasound picture?" His face was serious then and he nodded slowly. I gave him a small smile and walked over to my fridge, taking the picture off by the magnet that was holding it there and walking back over to him, looking at it myself.

"It doesn't really look like anything yet... well it looks like a little bean. But this was nearly two weeks ago." I handed it over to him and he smiled at it. I stood watching him as he moved round to sit on the sofa still staring at the picture with a grin on his face. He looked really cute actually...

I sat on the edge of the coffee table in front of him as he inspected the dark picture closely, "I have to go again in a couple days. That was just a check to see it was ok because I kept having fainting spells... would you, um, you can... you can come with me... if you'd like, I mean you don't have to but if you..."

God, I was really pushing out the fucking boat here. But he was sticking to his guns about not leaving me alone now. I could just tell. And I wasn't agreeing to his offer. But like I said, despite what I did in the end, I was still having his baby. As in actually giving birth to it. And if he was going to be hovering around me... I might as well make it worth his while.

He didn't say anything, he just kept his eyes on the picture, "You don't have to... I understand if you're busy... or you just don't want to..."

"No. I mean... yes. I'm not too busy. Would you mind if I came?" He looked up at me, his eyes were really amazing. So freakin' green. He looked like he so wanted me to say 'yes' as well... why? I'd just asked him didn't I? Did he expect to just change my mind and tell him I was joking and to fuck off?

"I don't mind." I shrugged.

"It does look like a bean. But they grow real quick from six to twelve weeks. I remember seeing Olivia and thinking how the hell a blob could grow into... well a person. Huh..."

"You can keep that one if you like... I've got another one." His beautiful face lit up again and he smiled.

"Thanks." He huffed in amusement and then gently folded the picture in two and slipped it into his pocket, "I will convince you, Bella. Just so you know. I'm not a fan of losing. And especially with things that are actually important...to me anyway."

I swallowed thickly deciding on changing the subject, "Olivia... she's really pretty. I've seen her twice before, she looks like you..." Well, duh, Bella, I wonder why...

"Yeah, I think she's beautiful. But I guess I'm biased... she looks more like her mom though." He sighed deeply, and looked down at his hands, frowning, "Yeah..." Hm, he was editing. But I couldn't complain, so was I earlier, and anyway, we'd 'only just met'.

"No, she is..." and she was so going to hate me. Pretty people always do. I'm just so dull. Even children. Oh my god, children hate me, except for Seth... well maybe not 'children' as a whole. Just Emmett and Rose's children...

"She was asking about you the other day. Well, she asked if you felt better. And she keeps harassing me about getting a cat because you've got one. So she wants one. I don't even know why..." He shook his head and hummed in frustration, although it was in jest. I think.

"Oh... uh, sorry?"

"Yeah, you should be. She keeps sticking pictures of cats around the house. On the fridge, on my bedroom door, my pillows, in the fridge, the TV, my computer, everywhere." Hey, this sounded like a girl after my own heart.

**Personally, if Edward was my baby daddy, I'd be celebrating and planning our marriage. I would want a definite shotgun wedding. Mahaha! And I love cats more than my life, if anyone was wondering. I'm getting two and calling them Perdi or Persia and Vienna. Anyway, were people hoping Edward said the things he said? Was Bella how you thought she would be or not? Thoughts, comments appreciated so please please review! I'm currently trying to get a 10:1 ratio of reviews to chapters. Therefore, I would like at least 70 reviews for 7 chapters s'ils vous plait. That's not much to ask seeing as so many of you have this on alert, yeah, I've been on ALL of your profiles, don't think I don't know who you are... well I don't but you get my gist... **

**Review, please! Au revoir mes amis! ****Beaucoup d'amour !**

**You know you love me,**

**XOXO**


	8. Reflets Dans L'eau

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters**

**I love you guys, I really do. My computer's been real shitty and my laptop too and I keep getting distracted by things but thanks so much for your reviews. I've taken a few of them into consideration as you will see regarding Edward and Alice, and Alice in general. So I hope you like this chapter.**

**Songs- Reflets Dans L'eau-** Debussy

**BPOV**

It was moments like this, where I felt I could step back and watch the world passing by in all its unsightly brilliance. To the eye of those who didn't appreciate the hidden beauty of the city like I did, there were things that were ugly, dirty, things that to the those who didn't 'get it', blemished the colourful, vibrant, glamorous picture they had of New York. I loved it all. Every glitch, every thing that was not quite right. A small hidden take-away by the name of 'Shanghai Dreams', just off a couple back streets, dodgy part of town but sells the best Chinese I've eaten. The tramp called Fredrico who sits on the corner of 31st street, right by Madison Square Garden's, who plays the violin with such dexterity and finesse that I've actually stopped a couple of times and nearly cried. And it takes skill to stop anyone in this metropolis. Never mind bringing them to tears.

The real parts of town, not the tourist spots. I'm talking _New York_ New York. The parts you know because you live here, not because you found it in some shitty guide book.

And I was standing in one of those spots I knew because I lived here, now. Where I could see all the little people, and for some reason, I didn't feel so out of it although realistically I was. Eight storeys up, on the roof of an apartment block. No one came up here, just me, and Angela on occasion. I could clear my head up here. I didn't have to think properly, I could just..be.

I can remember I found this place, a couple years ago. I was looking for an apartment and I came here, it was close to work but not what I was looking for. Still, for some reason I wanted to go up and see the roof, I liked the idea of being able to look down on the humanity. I knew it wasn't really true, but I felt closer to the sky and something about that was comforting. I came up and saw all of _this_. I saw the world.

That's why I didn't get the apartment here, not just because of the damp smell and the bits of mould in the bathroom, I could easily get those problems fixed. It was too low down, I wanted to be higher up where I had a view. Where I had the air to breathe. Clarity, peace of mind.

I took a drag from my cigarette and flicked the ash out into the wind. My hair whipping around my face as I blew out the smoke, watching as it disappeared with the breeze into the grey skies. Fuck nicotine. But right now, I needed it more than anything.

"Are you going to be ok?" Angela asked me quietly as I laid my head on my arms, resting on the metal barriers that stopped me from falling to my death. Not that it could stop me just climbing over and jumping off. If I wanted to.

"Maybe." I sighed after a small while. Was I going to be ok? Yes. No. Well I was definitely doing nothing for my health with the smoking, usually I'd think 'fuck that', but it wasn't just me I was thinking of now was it...

"If you need to talk about anything...then I'm willing to listen." She said, giving me a small but sincere smile. I smiled back. Everyone was willing to listen.

Rose said basically the same thing in a weird way when I called her after Edward went. I told her that I hadn't made any decisions but she just said 'do whatever you thought is best' and 'I'm sure you'll figure everything out soon'. It seemed whatever I did she was just going to support me anyway. I know that was supposed to be a good thing, but it was pissing me off as well. Like seriously, I'm not some kind of angel, can I really do no wrong? Hel-lo, I'm pregnant after a one night stand... can someone be disappointed in me, please?

Well, Emmett probably would be. I hadn't really seen him recently, he'd been busy with work but I knew he got really protective of me sometimes, he still saw me as a baby I swear. And Charlie. God, I hadn't even told my dad, and I really didn't plan on doing so until I had to... maybe... or maybe if I got it out of the way...? Oh I didn't know. If I didn't tell him, he'd see me eventually during the summer, Thanksgiving, Christmas... and I'd be a whale by Christmas. Probably not something I could just hide with an oversized sweater. What would I say? 'Hey dad, yeah don't mind me, I ate a few pies is all... ok, a lot of pies, but it's the holiday season!', yeah, not very convincing and it would be obvious by then. He'd definitely be disappointed.

But out of everyone, I wanted Edward to be disappointed. I wanted him to hate this. And maybe he did but he wasn't acting like it and that fucked me off no end. It's like did he just not see what I was seeing, a big mess? I have to admit, there were times where I really just wanted myself to be the optimist, that I could agree with Edward and everything would be fine and good and I could have my baby and Edward could somehow manage both children without a hitch because he was perfect like that and everyone would be happy and cheery... It's a shame I'm not. It was probably Charlie's fault but I was pessimistic as hell.

Angela and I stayed up there for another twenty minutes or so, I only had a half shift today so I was done with work but she had to go back. I had to go to the doctors anyway. With Edward. Fun times.

We parted ways after Angela had given me a long and benevolent hug and I continued my journey down the street to the doctors. It would have actually been quicker if I just took the train, but I could walk, I had the time and anyway I wanted to think. Walking through New York, especially on a busy day I found to be especially calming. I didn't really understand my own logic, but the more people around, the more I could get lost within my own mind, the more I could ignore everything and anything around me. So I was pretty pleased when I turned the corner and saw a hoard of people walking this way and that, happily I just slipped into place amongst them and became just another person. I liked that.

My mind began to wander. It tends to do that a lot when I think too hard about shit. And then shit I was currently thinking too hard about was my life. This baby. Edward. I let it drift on the topic of Edward. I wondered why the hell he was being so freakin' nice and understanding about this. Did he really care? Did he think I was some kind of gold-digger and was putting the bait out there for me to grab, just to see if I would? Because really I didn't want his money and I certainly wouldn't make up a story like this just to get some. That's just low. I hope he doesn't think I'm like that, because I'm really not...I'm _really really _not. Money just creates problems, and god did I know that already.

Did Edward have another reason completely to why he was so indomitable about this? Because seriously, he was just not going to give up, you could see it in those sparkly green eyes of his. He was fucking dead set. There had to be more to him not giving up than just wanting another child. Or maybe not. Oh I don't know. I'm thinking too hard about things relating to the baby again...my head hurts.

Ok, well what about Edward as a person. Ignoring everything that's happened. What do I think of _him_? He has a daughter I've seen who just looks like an angel, but then Edwards her father what did I expect. So what about her mother? Was she just another one night stand he accidentally knocked up? Maybe he wanted the children without the commitment of the mothers, so he got them pregnant and snatched their babies to create an army of beautiful children to take over the earth with their prettiness... do people actually do that? Was he doing that with me? Fuck- what the hell am I talking about? Get a fucking grip Bella, of course he's not doing that, bloody hell!

Maybe they were married? I know she's not dead, I remember hearing Olivia mention her 'getting better'. Was she ill? Are they still married? I've never noticed a ring on his finger... They had Olivia pretty early, I mean he seems pretty ambitious, I'm guessing children weren't on top of his list when he was, hmm lets see, twenty two? That's just an assumption though, just guessing from his job and stuff, I know you have to work up to get to that shit. But I guess loads of people have kids before then...

Maybe he just likes the whole family thing. Ugh, how the hell do I know? Maybe his job was handed to him, maybe he didn't have to work up. He was Dr Cullens son right? Now I thought about it, I'd heard of this man a couple times, I think my dad had praised him once or twice at dinner, and someone at school might have said something about a big ass house he lived in, I think he was more than just your local GP... so maybe he's always been rich. Maybe he's always just had everything. And he is freakin' loaded. So maybe he's always just had it all, maybe he just wants it all. Maybe that's why he wants this baby. Just another thing to call his...

Or maybe I'm getting carried away and assuming too much.

I don't know anything about Edward other than the basics, the very basics. It wasn't right for me to assume or judge him on what I already knew or didn't know. That wasn't fair and anyway it would be totally hypocritical since I was hoping he wasn't doing just that to me. I knew Edward gave a shit, for some reason, he did. And I knew he was nice, and gorgeous, and I didn't dislike him. He seemed to have good enough values and to me, that made him a good enough person.

I'd been pretty lost in thought, I didn't even notice I'd reached the clinic. I must have been walking a good thirty minutes as well, seriously, I need to get more aware of my surroundings, I'm going to wander into some place I don't want to be or something stupid like that one of these days. I was bloody tired now too... gr-reat.

"Oh, there you are, sorry I'm late." I looked up from the magazine I was flipping through to see Edward combing his hand through his hair, his shirt slightly untucked and his tie just a tad looser than it should have been. Did he always look like he'd just sprinted around the whole of New York or had he really done just that?

I looked at the watch on my wrist and smiled, "It's ok, you're not late, I'm just early..."

"Oh.. ok then."

"Yeah, you haven't missed anything, don't worry." He beamed at me, this amazingly perfect smile and I couldn't do much but smile back because he seemed so relieved and happy, I don't even know why. This man was so weird and wonderful. I couldn't figure him out.

He sat down in the chair beside me, pulling his iPhone out from the inside of his jacket, holding a hand in his hair while he scrolled through it. His face twisted in what appeared to be frustration and he sighed before putting it back in his pocket, sighing again before turning his head to me with a small and tired smile. I smiled back, simply because of lack of things to do or say and he was smiling at me. Seriously, it's just an automatic reaction, especially to Edward.

"You ok?" I asked, I couldn't help but think it wasn't a real smile. I mean he changed it pretty quickly from a frown.

"Yeah, yeah... I'm fine. Just stuff, you know." _Stuff._ Stuff that seemed to be bothering him. Maybe his life wasn't all fast cars, models and caviar... poor little rich boy.

**EPOV**

My life was just stress. 24/7. I could deal with it, I had to deal with it, but sometimes I didn't want to. I did want to be here with Bella right now though. I wanted to be here and I freakin' killed myself to get here on time. Alice had said maybe this baby thing wasn't such a good idea, but if it's what I wanted to do I should come because it might kill some stress. She'd really changed her tone. Well she hadn't completely, she still thought I was a complete dick but there was definitely more acceptance than when I first told her.

I'd tossed my keys on the side table, just as I did every time I came back to the house. I preferred my apartment to be honest, but Olivia spent most of her time here since this had been the family home, so I stayed here most of the time too. My apartment was closer to work as well, so when I worked late I could just crash there and not have to get my ass all the way back to Manhattan, just to get up five hours later and come back. It was my sanctuary, the place I went to get away from Tanya when she got too much. Yeah, I would just pussy out and run, which was probably really shitty of me. I mean Olivia would still be there, and if I wasn't home I'd call her, but it wasn't the same as actually being there.

"I cannot believe you right now, Edward." I jumped a bit, when I saw Alice sitting on the bottom step of the stairs but after the initial shock I just groaned and rolled my eyes. She stood up and her shoes clicked as she crossed the marble,

"You're going to try and make her keep it aren't you?" She just knew everything before I even told her, I swear. I'd only just walked in the door from Bella's and she just knew already. She knew me so bloody well. But then if she did, why was she questioning my actions? I ignored her and pulled out my phone, looking at the reminder alert: _Call home._

"Yes, Alice I am. What did you expect me to do?" She flung her arms down in exasperation,

"Edward, why?!" I tucked my phone back into my pocket and sighed,

"Because, why shouldn't I? It's my child as well, and I don't think she should get rid of it-"

"Edward, what the hell! Have you actually thought about this? As in properly? You can't have done, we didn't discuss this at all!"

I sighed again, "You know, surprising as it may be, I am capable of making my own decisions. This is what I think is right, therefore I'm sticking to it."

She frowned, "What, so she still wants to get rid of it?"

"Yeah.."

Alice huffed and folded her arms across her chest, "Well at least somebody has some sense here. You don't know her Edward. This may well be a scheme to get to your money you know. And even if it's not... what the hell! Olivia, Edward! What are your plans here? What are you doing? Because you know when this all goes wrong I'll be the one picking up your shit. The least you can do is tell me what you're doing. Preferably before you do it! God, you're so bloody...!-"

"Well maybe. But I'm trusting her. Alice, you know I _can't _let her do it. You know that, you know me."

"_I know_! And you're so bloody trusting Edward! But you're just not looking at this properly, there is no way you can-"

"I'll find a way."

"But can you Edward? And what about Olivia, what's she going to-"

"I'll talk to her."

"Edward, stop butting in! I'm pissed off as it is!" I could almost see the fumes coming from Alice's ears, but I'd prepared myself for this. I knew just how she was going to react, just like she knew I wouldn't just let Bella get rid of the baby.

"You don't have a reason to be pissed off, Alice. You're just my P.A..." Ok, I know, I shouldn't have said that, because she was more than just a P.A., she knew she was, I knew she was. She laughed dryly and narrowed her eyes at me,

"You know what, you're right Edward. I just work for you. I shouldn't have to deal with you and you're shitty little," She waved her arms around in circles, "Whatever the hell this is! Your life! I don't get paid for all the extra shit I do! So you know what, fuck you, Edward Cullen. I quit."

She stood there, scowling at me, her hair almost looked as if it was getting spikier and sticking out more in her frustration.

"No you don't."

"Yes, yes I do Edward!"

I crossed my arms and raised my eyebrow at her, "You always quit, Alice. You've been doing it for the past four years."

"Yeah well, I mean it this time!" There was silence where I just looked at her expectantly and she glared back. Yeah, Alice was more than my P.A. If she was just my P.A. I would have fired her cheeky ass years ago and I certainly wouldn't be having this argument with her right now. She cared too much to be _just_ my P.A.

"Ok. Fine. I don't mean it. But Edward she's just not... she can't fit in your life right now, there's no space. Never mind a baby, Edward. A baby! Seriously?"

"Well, I'm willing to make space."

"You don't _have_ the space though."

I frowned at her, "Alice, why can't you just at least pretend to support my choices?"

"Because you're thinking with your heart, not your head!" Was that such a bad thing? We stood there in silence again and I watched her as she thought it through. Her mouth twisted to the side and she looked up at me, pleading with her eyes for me to change my decision, but I wasn't going to.

She sighed, "I don't want to fight with you, it gets boring and I get really pissy and then I get migraines, but you're just so... Ugh! You don't need this right now Edward, I can tell you that."

"I don't care, Alice, I'm doing it anyway. It's my child."

"This is so sudden and random... I did not plan a baby in your calendar in nine months damnit! Can you see how much stress this causes already? It's not even born yet."

"Alice, you can't persuade me otherwise. You really can't. You know what I'm like and I'm not budging."

"You have taken your daughter into consideration here haven't you?"

I nodded seriously, "Of course. And anyway, I have yet to properly convince Bella. She said I could go with her to her next appointment though, so..."

"You're really serious about this aren't you?" I nodded again. Hell was I serious, why didn't anyone think I was serious? I don't do this sort of thing just for the fun of it. Christ. Who did these people think I was? "And I really can't change your mind?"

"Nope, you can't."

Alice sighed long and loud before raising her hands in the air, "This is so not going to work... but shit, Edward. I'm bloody stuck with you, so you know... whatever you do... I guess I just have to back you or whatever. Even when I don't agree. Because P.A's do that. _Friends_ do that. I still think you're fucking stupid though." She scoffed.

Thank fuck. Because hell, I wouldn't be able to do this if I didn't have my two sidekicks with me. Them being Alice and Jasper. Shit, I needed to tell Jasper. And then of course my daughter. I really needed to... tell her? Ask her? I needed to _consult _her before anyone else was told and she found out some other shitty way.

"Thank you." I walked over to her and hugged her little body tightly, she didn't hug me back but I didn't mind, I knew she was pissed and that was just how she worked.

"Yeah ok, now get off of me, you smell like cheap air freshener with a faint hint of smoke and... cat? Ew." I stepped back and smiled at her grumpy face as she brushed down her clothes whilst eyeing me suspiciously.

"Don't smile at me like that Edward. If I didn't love you so much, I might just hate you. Just know, I'm only doing this because I don't want you or Olivia to get hurt... But I suppose a baby just gives me an excuse to do some more shopping. I can't complain, a girls best friend is her credit card. Or _your_ black American Express card or whatever..."

So, my credit card and a day off equalled a complacent Alice. I knew her well though, this wouldn't be the end, no doubt she'd bitch any time she had to actually see Bella. If she actually did. I really hoped she wouldn't but realistically, I knew she would. One down, I still had to tell Jasper, Olivia... in some indirect way, the parentals and god I should tell Tanya as well.

I called Jasper later to tell him. He said that Alice had already ranted about it and he'd caught wind from Rose, but he was my 'bro', he had my back, I had his. He wasn't the kind of person to cause a scene like Alice, he was just pretty mellow about the whole thing. That's how we rolled, therefore, he was cool if I was cool. And I was. I am. I think. Alice always ranted to Jasper. Always. And she always bitched about me to him. She even bitched about me to my own mother whenever she called. _My mom_. She was honestly like the annoying little sister I never had who loved to hate me, just one of the family.

I sat back in my chair, tapping my shoes on the linoleum floor while Bella flicked through a Cosmopolitan magazine, stopping to read the odd pages and then continuing again with her flicking. I just watched her for a while through lack of better things to do and because she was quite interesting to just observe. Her nose scrunched up a bit as she read something, her brow creasing and she bit down on the left side of her lip when she was really concentrating. Every now and then she yawned, flipped her hair back and sighed before continuing again. And she just continued like that, totally unaware of me gaping at her.

I don't know how long I sat just watching her like that, but soon enough someone called her name and she looked up, "Oh... we can go now." I looked at her and the woman who was smiling in our direction wearing a white coat, she must have been the technician.

We both got up and followed her into a room where the sonogram machine was set up and ready, the technician introduced herself, apparently Bella's OB/GYN asked someone else to take the last one for health reasons instead of a scheduled appointment. This one was scheduled however, so I assumed this woman would be our regular.

I took a seat beside the table Bella was lying on with her top pulled up to just under her bra, and couldn't help but chuckle as she winced when the gel was applied to her stomach. She turned to me and narrowed her eyes which only made me want to laugh more, "It's fucking cold..." she murmured under her breath as the technician moved the probe around on the gel, looking at the screen which currently showed darkness and made weird sounds.

"So, how've you been so far, any problems?" She asked nicely, smiling at Bella who shrugged in response,

"Fine... I guess. I've been getting a few headaches but they're not nearly as bad and I don't feel dizzy. I get really tired all the time, that's annoying. And I have to pee a lot."

She technician chuckled, "Yeah, that's all common in the first trimester, it gets easier though as you progress. The tiredness is kinda always going to be there throughout, but everything else is pretty much a phase. At the moment there's more pressure on your bladder which makes you need to pee a lot and also excess gas is quite common as well."

Bella's face turned a deep red and she pressed her lips together, "Yeah..." She needn't say anything. Her skin gave her away. Clearly Bella was a sufferer of this 'excess gas'... poor Bella... poor me! I was planning on sticking around throughout this, maybe I should invest in a gas mask... I looked down at the ground to hide the fact I was about to burst out laughing.

"And morning sickness, you've been getting that too." I added, hoping if I played some part in the conversation I'd be able to control myself.

Bella looked at me and then to the technician and nodded, "Yeah, and morning sickness, except it doesn't just happen in the morning, it's an any time of day thing. It's horrible."

"Yeah, some people get it, others go through the whole pregnancy without it, you should be fine after 12 weeks, you'll be in your second trimester then. Have you been suffering from any soreness or anything?"

I looked at the sonogram still displaying a greyish black screen and then looked to Bella, awaiting her replying. Her fists that were holding her top up clenched and she sort of squirmed a little on the table, her recently recovered cheeks flushing pink again.

"Um...my boobs..." She whispered, turning her head away from me. I heard her but apparently the technician did not,

"Sorry, I didn't catch that."

Bella sighed and repeated herself again, "My boobs...they've been really sore...recently and I think they're a bit... bigger." I don't know why she was so embarrassed saying all of this. In case she'd forgotten, my dad was a doctor, I'd been through pregnancy with Tanya already and I was a man. Boobs, soreness and growth was not news to me. If she'd asked, I could have told her all of this. But then this was Bella, I already knew she wouldn't ask. Not now anyway. Maybe if she knew me better and still only then a maybe.

It wasn't what she'd said that I'd found funny. It was my thoughts afterwards. I was imagining a heavily pregnant Bella trying to put a bra on, only to find it was too small and she was just standing there whining, not wanting to touch her boobs because they were tender. Then I imagined myself using her sore boobs as a form of blackmail, 'Keep the damn baby or so help me, I'll poke them!'. Yeah, that made me laugh.

Bella turned to face me and scowled, "Edward, stop laughing at me otherwise I won't invite you along again!" She huffed and I tried to stop my laughing, managing to subdue it to a low chuckle.

"I'm sorry, I'm not laughing at you..." Yes I was. "Well, I wasn't laughing at that anyway. And shouldn't I have some sort of fathers rights to be here or something? How come you get to be here and I have to be 'invited'? Where's the justice?" The technician laughed but Bella didn't. She remained tight lipped, and looked away again,

"Oh you're the father? I'll need to ask you about you and your families medical history, we're lacking in that information at the moment... and I've just found the baby... there it is." The techy pointed at the screen and sure enough, there was our bean. And you could hear the heartbeat too.

Honestly, I forgot about me taking the piss out of Bella for a second, just to revel in the moment.

"Aw wow..." Bella murmured and she looked at me and then to the screen smiling. Yeah, aw wow. Our baby. And she wanted to give it away, psh. If I couldn't convince her myself, I'm sure the crazy, awe striking, fantastic, horrifyingly scary yet blissfully fabulous time in ones life that was pregnancy, would persuade her otherwise. There was no way I could watch her through all of _this_ and then just let her give it up. And this was just the beginning.

I smiled as well as the two of us stared at the screen, wide eyed and gawking, a thudding noise that was the heartbeat rhythmically playing in the background. I leaned forward so I was just inches away from Bella's skin, still gazing at the screen.

"It lives!" She giggled biting her lip a little, "I didn't get to hear the heartbeat before... still looks like a bean. Just a bit bigger."

She was right, it still looked pretty much identical to the picture she'd given me, just a bit bigger like she said, but I didn't care.

I didn't even care that this wasn't the first time I'd seen a child of mine on the screen of a sonogram. I couldn't give a flying fuck if I'd done this all before, and I don't care how gay I sounded to myself right now because hell, I wanted to fucking cry and laugh or some crazy shit like that. Just because I was there, and Bella was there, and that was our child and ,and, and I could hear it's heart beating like some beautiful composition, and I didn't care about anything else in that second, because that there was our child. _Our_ bean. And that is some shit you can never get used to. I don't think I would if this was the tenth time or the first.

She had to feel that right? She had to see that too?

I think she did. I was really wishing that she did. I hoped she did. She didn't say anything though, she just smiled and bit her lip and smiled some more. But then she looked really damn sad and I was going to ask her what was wrong but her expression changed once more back to a small smile, so I let it drop.

"Ok, well all is looking good here. I can print this off if you want but it's pretty much the same as the other one... so other than that and taking the fathers medical details, I think that'll be all. I'll be seeing you again at twelve weeks. You'll be able to see a big difference then, and also I think Dr Jones wants to have you checked for everything so I'm afraid we'll have to take blood tests then as well. But it'll be fine, just keep taking your supplements and make sure you're doing some exercise, even if its just walking."

She smiled and handed Bella a paper cloth to wipe off the gel on her stomach whilst she took me down to reception to pick up a folder and put down my details. Bella came out shortly after, after being handed a picture from the technician. I couldn't remember what her name was, something long and confusing so I decided from here on out, her name was Techy. I bet her name was something like Hannah... not long or confusing at all. Or maybe Anne. Shame on me.

---

Alice was right. Hands down, that was the best stress killer ever. I was on such a fucking buzz! But then Bella. Really. Wasn't...

"Hey, you alright?" I asked her as we ambled down the street. It wasn't so busy right at this point in time. But then 'not so busy' in New York is like a break out from the zoo in a quieter place, like for instance Forks. Bella had been quiet the whole way back from the clinic so far. I'd decided I would walk her to her apartment and then get picked up by Laurent, it wasn't too far to walk and I was getting angsty about her walking alone.

"Yeah, I'm fine." No she wasn't fine but if she wasn't going to tell me, I wasn't going to push it further. I hated when people did that to me, and I didn't think she'd tell me anyway. We continued walking quietly with only the sounds of the city around us. Bella's head was focused on her feet as she shuffled along, still managing to avert walking into people.

I dug my hands into my pockets and sighed, "So, twelve weeks, how come your doctor wants you to have so many tests and stuff?"

She shrugged, "Weak immune system, generally everything bad happens to me so it's best to take precautions. I really hate needles though, I just freak..." She kept her head and her voice low as she swerved and avoided colliding with other pedestrians. I looked over at her as people passed between and around us.

"I'll be there." I shrugged and she looked up at me her face quite hard to read.

"Ok. Just... don't laugh at me so much next time."

I smirked at her and tried to defend myself, "Fine, but I wasn't really laughing at you... as such. I was just laughing because-"

"Yeah. Right. Whatever." She scoffed rolling her eyes, a small grin on her face. She sighed loudly and the smile disappeared as she reached up to tie her hair into a high ponytail, pulling it loosely so some strands fell out and then combing her hand through.

"So, I, uh, um... I found this couple that I liked the look of. I'm... going to meet up with them in a couple weeks with my social worker... I'm sorry I'm saying this right now but... I just thought you should know."

Ah shit. She even had a social worker. Buzz kill. That was one appointment I hoped I _wasn't_ invited to. Although I still wanted to see who they were.

"Oh, right, ok..." I didn't know what to say. What does she want me to say? She knows I'm totally against this, so what's the point?

"I'm sorry." She mumbled, looking down at the ground again and I really didn't have anything left to say now because I'd said my piece to her already. I just had to hope and fucking pray she changed her mind. And sooner rather than later. So I changed the subject because this shit was putting me on a downer now and I had plenty of other things to do that for me.

"Sooo, you've heard the heartbeat now. Technology is pretty damn incredible, I mean that was pretty awesome." I grinned to myself because I found some solace in my memory. And I thought it was wicked cool, even if she didn't. The thought alone just had me all giddy.

Luckily, she smiled as well and nodded, "Yeah... yeah that was really amazing. I mean it's so small but it's actually got a heart. That works. And I could hear it. Yeah, that was..." she stopped, again with the damn sad face and I just didn't get it. I looked at her and frowned because her smile hadn't come back, just sad face. And that kinda bothered me. I'm pretty sure she wasn't getting _that_ emotional yet because of her hormones. So this was just sad Bella. It kinda made me sad. Especially since I didn't know what was up.

By the time I thought to just ask what was bothering her, we were outside her apartment block. Her face still somewhat gloomy as she turned to look at me, "Thanks for coming with me...and for walking me back." She feigned a smile, it was so obvious and unsettling, but I just did the same back.

"The pleasure is all mine." I wasn't joking, it really was. She smiled again and turned to enter the building, "Bella?" Her now miserable self had slumped slightly and she looked over her shoulder at me, "You've got my number right?"

She nodded, "Yeah, you put it in my phone last time." ...What? I get real angsty when I can't contact people. Plus, I'd just wanted my number in her phone for sooo long.

"Call me." I said nonchalantly, although I really hoped she did. I'd be sitting up waiting for her or something weird like that knowing me. Man, I need a hobby or something.

**My best friend is a moron, she told me she cried at chapter 4 because she loves daddy Edward... well don't we all love Daddy E (still, didn't cry about it, geez hahah!) Ok, so I think I need a beta... and some reviews. More reviews! The thought of Edward getting 'angsty' over not being able to contact people makes me laugh out loud. Actual LOL.**

**Reviews are like Daddy E poking peoples boobs. Yay!**

**You know you love me,**

**XO XO**

**P.S. In case anyone was wondering and can't speak French, the chapter title means 'Reflections in the water', it's a beautiful compostion by Claude Debussy. Check it owt.  
**


	9. One More With Feeling

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters**

**So you guys continue to be amazing, I can't believe how many alerts I've got already, hopefully I'll be getting some more. So thank you all, you're amazing! Also, snaps for GNILS who is my beta. You may not think I need a lot of beta-ing, but I cannot stand silly mistakes with grammar etc, it drives me insane. So thank you dear, I have a lot of love for you! Ok, moving on...**

**Oh, song: One More With Feeling**- Get cape. Wear Cape. Fly

**BPOV**

I didn't call him.

I felt like such an idiot, but I didn't call.

What was worse was that I wanted to call... but I wouldn't know what to talk about. I wanted to call him and I didn't want to at the same time, but seeing as I would really have nothing to say, I didn't call. I think he was just said I could to make me feel better or something... if he really wanted to speak to me he had my number. I thought he may have actually held a gun to my head if I didn't let him put his number in my phone. It was quite amusing at the time, he was getting really funny about it, like he _needed_ to know I could get hold of him and vice versa.

Now I was feeling really fucking shitty. More than shitty. And so fucking sad. Ever since that bloody ultrasound.

It was Edward. It was his face, he was just so bloody thrilled at everything. He really was so fucking happy, all the while we were at that clinic he had some big goofy grin on his face and this little twinkle in his eye. As soon as that woman called us to go in, he was just... I don't know but he completely lit up, and I found it really...nice. I felt like I could lighten up a bit too. And I did. So when he was laughing at me and I pretended to be pissed off (which actually I was a bit) I wasn't really. Not much. I couldn't be because I could just see in his eyes he was ecstatic about something.

And then the baby. It was the baby as well. When I saw it on the screen this time, it was different. Although it was in many ways nearly exactly the same, all the feelings were different. I couldn't stop smiling, at one point I thought I was going to cry, and I didn't know if it was because I was actually paying attention this time or if it was because Edward was there. I didn't know if it was because I could hear its heartbeat, I didn't know what it was, it just all felt different.

Better.

Worse.

I loved it. I hated it.

Now I hated it more than anything simply because I'd loved it. It really hit me when Edward and I were talking about the baby while walking home and I had to stop midsentence because... I'd thought it was really amazing too. That's where I was going wrong. Hearing its heartbeat, like tiny little horses galloping away, and seeing it and being there with Edward and everything. It was incredible. It was too good.

And it just made me feel like I was going to have to rip Edwards heart out with my bare hands. I had just a glimpse of what was to come when I told him about meeting that couple. He looked so gutted, his face became so disappointed. And I knew it would but I told him anyway. And maybe that's why, because I wanted him to be disappointed in me, and for a second it looked like he was. What would he be like when I gave it away? How could I do it when he would be there begging me not to?

I couldn't. But I had to and I could just tell it was going to be horrible.

So that was why I was so sad. I didn't want Edward to be heartbroken. I didn't want him to get excessively into this as well as me because it would just hurt too much when it ended and we both had to walk away. Life sucks. I hate it.

Why am I doing this? Why am I doing this to him? Why am I doing this to me? I'm only, what, 2 months along? I've got another seven months to go and I feel like I'm falling in too much already. Edward's too good, too everything to be dragged down with me. He was successful, he already had a child for fucks sake, I'm an inconvenience in his life, an unnecessary one at that.

Maybe that's why I didn't call. I had to make sure if I was going to be selfish enough to let him come along for the ride, we'd keep some kind of distance from each other. The last thing I'd want was to get real friendly with him because when this was over and I smashed his heart to pieces, he'd still be there and I think that might just kill me. I wanted to let him be able to fall back on those who loved him, carry on as he was. Not be held down and drowned by me.

So I didn't speak to him for nearly two weeks. Time seemed to be going so quickly recently, it was annoying, and I was already ten and a half weeks. The morning sickness refused to cease, the headaches were kicking in again, my boobs were impossibly sensitive and I was pretty sure that soon I'd be moving from my B-cup to a C-cup. I was always tired and hungry and needing to piss, I'd become really bloated and my skinny jeans were starting to feel uncomfortable and too tight for my expanding hips which _really fucking_ pissed me off.

I was just falling deeper and deeper into my black hole of doom and gloom.

I was sad and bitter and generally emotional and I took it out on my cat. Hammy was really receiving the back end of this pregnancy already and I was starting to feel guilty which just made me cry. And then he'd look at me weirdly and I'd either get mad or feel worse and just start crying more which I think was starting to scare him.

It was starting to scare me.

I went to work and gave a customer the wrong bag of candy and they came back, they weren't even horrible about it or anything, but I had to take a break to have a cigarette and cry outside about it. I mean what the hell. I actually had to fight back the tears while I apologised profusely to them and gave them the right one. All I did was give them a bag of Sour Apple Drops instead of Cheeky Cherry Chews. It wasn't that big a deal but I felt like such a failure. Again. As if I wasn't feeling like that already.

I think Angela was getting scared too, she was always asking me if I was alright and hinting that she could take my shift if I wanted her to. But I was fine. Well I wasn't but I would just have to get over it and get on, no more innocent people were going to be left broken and dead from being involved with me. It's bad enough Edward's going to be.

Fuck. Thoughts like this usually ended with more tears.

The good news was it was mid June and the weather was actually good. Still some rainy spells, but generally speaking, all was well. Not that that meant anything to me, I had a big ass dark cloud wherever I went, I saw no sun, just grey. And rain.

I was actually beginning to worry for myself, I seriously needed to cheer the fuck up but I just couldn't. And I tried, I watched a ton of comedy films and they kinda worked for a while and I didn't feel so crappy, but then I'd watch some angsty shit where people fall in love and then leave and then come back and die and it's really sad and then I'd just start crying. I just started crying at everything and anything. And then I kept on thinking about other stuff... my mom, my life past, present and future, my current situation, and then I _really_ started fucking crying.

It was so stupid I wanted to slap myself. I was wondering when someone would turn off the taps and the waterworks would stop, but they just went on and on. On a really bad day I think I sat in my room and cried for two hours and thirty seven minutes. After that I felt empty, mentally and physically, I was starving again. But crying really takes it out of you so it was food or sleep and I needed both at once. I just wasn't getting anywhere, like did I need to see someone about this? Is there such thing as pre-natal depression? I think I have it. Or are these just the hormones? Well if breaking down at random points is normal then ok...

Now, sitting on my sofa with a blanket and of course my cat, moping and generally feeling like I want to die or something, I didn't really feel up to much. I was getting sick around the same time I ate dinner in the evenings now, so I would get really hungry, eat loads and then puke it all up again. It was totally gross. So I was nibbling on some crackers and cheese, the only food that seemed to stay down, when the door went.

I stopped chewing and looked over at it. I looked like a mess right now and I didn't know who it would be, I wasn't expecting anyone so I didn't really want to get up but they knocked again...and then again. I've found that when people knock three times they actually want something and aren't just trying to convert you to being a Jehovah's Witness.

Sighing, I lifted the blanket and wiped my eyes before heading to the door and opening it, not really knowing what to make of the person standing there.

"Hello, Bella."

"....Hey?" Ok, this was weird...

"Am I interrupting anything?" _Yes, me eating my crackers and cheese and feeling sorry for myself._

"Um, no, no, not at all.." dot dot dot...

"Would you mind if I came in?" I looked over my shoulder into my apartment and then back at my random(no really, talk about _unexpected) _visitor.

"Oh right...sure? Yeah, sorry, come in..."

"Thank you."

**EPOV**

I waited. I waited for one hour, fifty three minutes and forty two seconds. She didn't call that night. Or the next. Or the next. Or the next.

I'd given her the option, I guess she just didn't want to speak to me. I would be lying if I said I didn't care. This whole 'being friends' would only work if there was communication. In fact this whole _thing_ would only work if there was communication. Plus I just would have enjoyed talking to her because I'm still convinced there's more to here than meets the eye. She was already more talkative than she was the first time I spoke to her properly, in my office just after she'd fainted. The real, sober Bella. She said she got nervous around people she 'didn't know' so I guess if she was talking to me more, she didn't feel so nervous and was willing to get to know me?

I hoped so. I wanted to get to know Bella, not just because of the baby.

But she hadn't called or seen me or whatever in what seemed like forever. It wasn't actually forever, it was nearly two weeks. I was getting anxious because that's just what I do. So why didn't I just call her? I don't know... but if she didn't call me I figured she didn't want to speak to me, so there would be little point in me calling her.

"Edward, will you please stand still! This is important!" I sighed and stood up straight holding both of my arms out,

"This is not important, Alice. It's a suit fitting." Alice narrowed her eyes as the tailor worked around me as I stood on a platform, pinning certain areas of my dress pants and turning over my cuffs.

"This isn't just a suit Edward. This is an Armani suit made _especially_ for you on your birthday, so shut up, pay attention and stand still for gods sake." I glowered at her as she watched the tailor at work, standing there in a black dress as always, making comments when something wasn't how she wanted it.

LBD's were certainly Alice's trademark uniform. I rarely saw her in anything but. I remember seeing her wardrobe once and dear lord, the thing was about the size of my bedroom, maybe more, filled with clothes. She had a separate room for shoes. I'd thought Tanya was bad but Alice put her to shame.

I'd never seen so many black dresses in one place. But she had a ton of other stuff as well, she didn't always wear just black, but I swear I'd never seen her in more than half of the items of clothing there. It was crazy.

"Daddy, why can't I come to your party?"

Olivia was lying on the floor, toy rabbit in one hand, the other cupped under her chin as she gazed up at me, kicking her legs in the air. She had her school uniform on, a navy pinafore, white shirt (hers wasn't a plain one, Alice insisted she wear one with some sort of ruffles somewhere because she was 'too pretty to look like all the other brats at school'), long white socks and shiny black, buckled shoes, and a red ribbon tied in her hair.

I looked down at her and smiled, "You're too young sweetheart. We'll have our own party, this one won't even be that much fun anyway. Just boring adults being boring." Maude, the tailor, started making tutting noises at me and slapped my ass to get me to stand still again.

"Non! Stop moving!" She whined as I pulled a face and stood up properly again.

"Edward you are pissing me off too. You're like a child, it's not that hard, just stand still! It wouldn't take so long if you just stopped being awkward." I groaned and narrowed my eyes as Olivia giggled at me.

"Look, you get me into trouble." I said, grinning a little although I was scared that if I smiled too much I would get a pin in the ass, I've had that happen on many occasions and I'm not a fan, "If this was made just for me, then why does it need adjustments?" I asked Alice who sighed a sat down in a chair.

"Because you got more toned! It's all because of your sudden interest in the gym." I grinned smugly, why yes I had been working out rather a bit recently because I'd been letting myself go, I had a four pack instead of six. Times are hard, man.

"But Ali said it was going to be a really, really good party. She said it was going to be really good because lots of people were going and she was going to wear green because Uncle Jas-"

Alice almost fell out of the chair she was now sitting in and put her hand in the air making hushing noises at Olivia who just looked at her in a confused manner, "YES, ok Livvy, I think maybe you should... go and look at the dresses over there, there are some really nice ones you might like."

"But they're dresses for mummies and daddies, they're too big for me."

"Well yes I know... but they look nice."

Olivia shrugged and stood up and was about to do as she'd said but then changed her mind, "Can we go and get some candy instead?" Alice rolled her eyes and stood up,

"Yes, yes, fine, let's go." She picked up her bag and put it on her wrist, making a v-to her eyes and then to me as if to say 'I'm watching you', "You. Be good. We won't be long."

I snorted. 'Be good'? Did she think she was talking to Olivia here, psh, and anyway, it's really hard to stand still when a French lady is poking you in the ass with pins. Alice narrowed her eyes before secreting them behind a pair of Chanel sunglasses, taking Olivia by the hand and muttered something about 'knowing when to say and not to say certain things' and then 'to remind her never to say anything around children'.

Great, so they can have fun while I'm stuck up here. I must say though, I do look pretty fine. Al-right.

---

Forty minutes later they came back from getting candy. Forty minutes. I'd been waiting around like a lemon for them for thirty of those minutes since the adjustments needed on my suit were tacked and ready to be dealt with, since when did it take so long to get candy? Olivia came skipping in ahead of Alice who looked like she was ready to pull out a knife from her bag and cut her wrists.

"Hey, what took you so long?" I asked as I picked my daughter up, she had the end of a rather long strawberry cable dangle out of her mouth while she chewed the other and smiled at me whilst she clung to her rabbit and her bag of candy.

"Your daughter is apparently very particular about candy. She can't go to the candy shop next door. Nope, she has to go to the one on the other side of the world." Alice found a plush seat and placed herself neatly on top of it.

"It isn't that far, Ali. Else we'd be walking foreverer and everer."

Alice sighed, "Well anyway, three guesses to where we went. You'll get it in one." And of course I got it in one because I knew only the name of one candy shop in town. Probably in the world. I don't take much notice of candy stores though, weirdly enough...

"You went to Sweet Tooth? We still have a load of candy from there at home, did you really have to go there?" I looked over at Alice warily.

"Yeah, yeah! It's the best one and it's got lots of nice stuff and it's colourful! And I saw your friend there too, and she helped me pick out the nice candies not the yucky ones. Oooh! And she gave me one for you..." I frowned in confusion as Olivia pulled out a pink coloured hard candy and pressed it to my lips.

"She only gave me one... eat it daddy, I wanna know what it is. She told me to watch your face when you ate it..." I looked down at the sweet and then took it from Olivia's finger, inspecting it suspiciously. If Bella had told Livvy to watch my face while I ate it, it seemed to me like there would be some hidden motive behind doing so, other than just giving me a nice treat. After looking at it for a while, I decided it was harmless but still gave it another once over before popping it in my mouth.

She watched me wide eyed as I sucked on it. It was a cherry flavour that was really sweet and quite nice, I nodded and hummed to show that it tasted good and Olivia smiled but still watched me intently. She looked a bit disenchanted when I didn't keel over and die which I thought was quite funny. Where's the love?

"Well I don't think my face has changed... mm, cherry." She puckered her mouth as I put her back down on the floor, still chewing on her strawberry cable, "Sweetheart, I've never seen you so disappointed to see I'm still alive." I chuckled, kissing the top of her head before turning to talk to Alice aside from her.

I was still sucking the candy while I talked, folding my arms across my chest, "Was she alright?"

"Who Olivia? Of course, she was fine. Why wou-" She stopped when my brow furrowed, _obviously not Olivia, of course she'd be fine_, "Oh. Right. I asked her and she sai-"

"You spoke to her?" I asked in a hushed tone, my voice slightly gargled from the candy still in my mouth.

"Edward, she's not infected with disease. She wears cheap clothes made out of god knows what material, but as far as I know I'm not allergic to her either, so yes I did speak to her. You told me to keep an eye on her and she was right there so I thought I may as well ask... Anyway, she didn't say much, she said she was 'ok'. She didn't look as depressed as when I saw her the other day, but who knows. I mean I'd be depressed if I wore clothes from like, I don't know, Wal-mart or whatever. Do they even do clothes there? Is there even one of them around here?"

I'd made Alice hang around places where she thought she might see Bella during the week and a half I hadn't seen her. I probably needed to just calm down, but if I wasn't calling her and she wasn't calling me, and it's not like I just saw her around, I didn't have a clue what was going on. She could have been dead for all I knew. If I was that worried why didn't I just call? I don't know, I was so tempted too, I stared at her number on my phone... but then I couldn't. I just felt like if I did I'd be too pressurising. I didn't want her to feel like I was suffocating her or anything... but at the same time I didn't want her to think I didn't care. Ugh, it's a hard knock life alright.

I rolled my eyes, "She's good then? I don't want to call and have her feel like she needs a restraining order to keep me away..."

"No, having people spy on her is more your style." Alice scoffed and I sent her a pointed glance, "_She's fine_. You can relax. I'll keep my eye on her... from a distance. I think someone went to see her sometime in the week, I didn't see who it was but it looked like... no, doesn't matter. I'm thinking maybe I should have someone send her some proper clothes or something because, really... it's kinda cute that she tries... actually I don't think she does."

"Alice. Hello, not talking about her clothes here."

"Hey, I'm doing you a favour here, I can talk about whatever I like and anyway I-... what the hell are you doing with your face?!"

Holy shit.

Now I knew why Bella told Olivia to watch my face.

I just got to the centre of the candy and I swear to god, a sour explosion just happened in my mouth. I mean really, _really sour._

"Edward... what are you...? Are you ok?" Alice looked at me bemused as I twisted and puckered my mouth, my face probably contorting into god knows what, as this excruciatingly sour liquid filled my mouth. It felt like there were little holes in my mouth that where opening, letting it fill with whatever the hell this stuff was and then saliva as well. I think my eyes were watering by now as well as my mouth.

Olivia came running to stand in front of me and stare, I assumed she stopped looking at dresses when she saw Alice's expression. But her little face absolutely lit up when she saw the look on mine. Her blue eyes nearly as wide as her mouth as she smiled and gaped at me, such delight evident on her face as I clearly suffered. I've raised a sadistic child. What kind of father _am_ I?

I tried swallowing the sourness but it lingered in my mouth despite my efforts to rid of it, and I couldn't see properly because of my eyes watering and it was _so fucking sour. _My whole mouth was tingling, it wasn't even a tingle, it was like electricity. And there were even little bits from the candy that were popping and buzzing around on my tongue, before settling and melting into more of this sour stuff.

"Oh my god..." I managed to choke out, my voice raspy and I'm pretty sure tears where falling down my face, "It's so...flippin'...sour..."

I heard Livvy gasp, "Oh no daddy, are you hurt? Are you crying? Oh no, don't cry!" Ah, so now she cares.

Alice started laughing, "Livvy he's fine, it was just the candy. Serves him right I say." I wiped my eyes to see Olivia was smiling again, _so much for caring_. Why were there so many females in my life? And why were they all evil? What did I do?

"Jesus Christ." I cleared my throat before standing up straight, laughing at myself, "I was not expecting that. Wow. That was bloody sour! I think my tongue's numb..." I stuck my tongue out and prodded it, making Olivia laugh, "I don't know what you're laughing at missy. I'm going to make sure Bella gives you one of those next time and we'll see how much you like it."

I poked her side and she jutted away from me giggling more, "Daddy your face was so funny." She said, laughing into her rabbit.

"Your face _was_ really funny, Edward." Alice giggled as well.

"Well I'm glad I keep the both of you amused but can we please leave. The woman scares me, I think she has a thing for needles... and my ass. Not cool. Let's get outta here."

---

After being forced to watch 'Beauty and the Beast' for the millionth time, I put Olivia to bed, said good night to Alice who left in a perkier mood than usual and then went down to the kitchen. All the house staff had gone home, Phil was off again today, Alice was at home and Olivia was sleeping. This house was so fucking big and empty it just made me feel... lonely. I could call Jasper... but he always seemed pre-occupied around this time of night.

I pulled out my phone and went through my contact list. Alice. No. Bella. No, I... no, not Bella. I scrolled through some more, passing loads of other people's names, no one I wanted to talk to though. I went to the fridge and pulled out a beer, yeah, fuck this wine shit, that was such a chick thing, still scrolling through my contacts. Jasper. Wouldn't pick up. Mom? I needed to talk to my mom but not right now. Phil, no. More people I don't want to talk to. Tanya.

Tanya. I didn't _want_ to talk to her but I had to anyway, sorting out this whole Olivia going over in summer thing... so I guess I could just do that now. I pressed call and sat down at the island in the kitchen, sipping at my beer bottle. I waited for her to pick up, it called five times before she did.

"Ah, Edward!" She giggled. She was drunk, what a surprise.

"Tanya."

"How've you been darling? Are you ok? How's my princess, my little Livvy?" I sighed putting my beer down on the work surface, at least she was in a pleasant mood instead of being angry drunk Tanya. I cannot deal with her when she's angry.

"You know what, I'll call you back when you're not drunk." Come on Edward. When she's not drunk? When is that?

"Oh no no no no! I'm fabulous! I'm fine, no really, but why are you calling me? Wanting me back are we?"

"No, I'm not." I said coldly, narrowing my eyes whilst I stared at the green bottle in front of me.

"Ooh, touchy." She giggled again.

"I'm calling so we can sort out when you'll see Olivia during vacation." I sighed.

"Ow, you didn't want to just talk to me? Don't want to hear about how I've been?" How she's been? Talk to her? Fucking hell this woman pissed me off. I thank the good Lord for creating divorce papers, although I'm pretty sure that was against some kind of rule in the Bible, but whatever...

"No Tanya, I'd rather not talk to you if I didn't have to. And seeing as you are still refusing to go to that rehab place I found, then no, I really don't care for how you've been either."

"Fucking hell Edward, when did you become such an asshole?"

"When you became a drunk."_ Why the hell did I call her again? Oh yeah, Olivia_. I groaned and ran my hand over my face before speaking again, "She's coming to see you in August. We're not going on holiday this year so any date that suits you then is fine. I'm coming with her but I'll-"

"Oh, coming as well hmm? I'm sure I could find you a room. But then again, you could always just share mine..."

I ignored her comment, snorting in disgust inwardly, "And I'll stay in a hotel somewhere nearby until we leave."

"Am I not trusted then?" I couldn't tell if she meant trusted with me in her bed or with Olivia. Still, the answer was the same to both.

"No." I said simply.

"Well do whatever the hell you want Edward, I don't care, send her here whenever." She sighed dismissively, as if she was bored of this conversation now.

"Tanya, you talk about your daughter like she's an object you couldn't give a shit about. She's not. So don't. It really pisses me off." My brow furrowed and I took another sip of my beer. Drinking beer whilst talking to an alcoholic, nice.

"I can't give you dates yet darling, I'll have Maria e-mail them to that girl who follows you everywhere. Oh what's her name.... you know the one you apparently _don't_ sleep with. I don't know why though, I mean seriously Edward, I hope you're getting some action without me there. I bet you get so lonely..." She purred and I actually wanted to, I don't know, hit her or something. Not that I actually would . No matter how far she pushed me. Didn't stop the thought from being there though.

I spoke through my teeth, I don't even understand how the woman always managed push my buttons but she found a way. She probably wouldn't even remember this in the morning, so what a pointless waste of time this was, "Just send it so I can book the flights. And thanks for taking some interest in my life, there's definitely a first time for everything, but I don't need your input. I don't have to explain my relationships with people to you anymore, but Alice is a dear friend of mine as well as a colleague. That's all, so get over it."

"Alice... That's her name. Edward darling, I don't think you should let little pixie-freak women into your life without getting _something_ out of it, if you know what I mean. And anyway, I don't think she likes me."

"She doesn't. So, send me the dates, that'll be all."

"No talkie walkie, Eddie?" She said in a child-like tone. My god.

"Goodbye Tanya." I didn't even wait for her to reply, I just hung up the phone. I knew if I was on for any longer, I just might end up shouting and really being an asshole. The house was too empty for that- sounds travel further in the dark,

Fuck, I shouldn't have called her. I mean really, what was I planning to get out of that conversation? We hadn't even got the dates sorted so it really was a waste of time. At least hopefully she might remember something about her daughter in the morning and then send an e-mail. I really didn't want to call her again. Seeing her in August would just be hell. And telling her about Bella... because I'd have to do that some time. Ah crap. She would be livid. Not that it had much to do with her if anything at all. Still, I think she should know, just not right now.

I downed the rest of my beer and got up to put the empty bottle on the side, feeling pissed off and still lonely, when my phone began vibrating on the worktop. I looked at it and groaned,_ if this is Tanya again..._

"Hello?" I answered exasperatedly, I hadn't looked at the caller-ID, I just picked up the phone so I didn't know who it was.

"...Wrong time? Um, sorry I'll-" I took my phone from my ear to see who was calling,

"Oh, Bella, no, no, I'm just a bit... Sorry, yeah, hi."

I could hear her fidgeting or something on the other end of the phone, "Sorry I didn't call before... I just didn't know what to say, I guess."

I sat back down keeping the phone to my ear even though she didn't say anything. Wow. She actually called me, and hell, it may well be late at night but she called me, of her own free will she called me. That's gotta mean something right? That we can actually be friends, that she doesn't hate me or think I'm some overpowering stalker?

"It's fine. You didn't have to call if you didn't want to..."

"But I did want to." Her voice was quiet and she still sounded a bit sad, despite Alice saying she was okay. There was a small silence then so I filled it, not wanting her to hang up just after she called.

"How are you with everything then? Alice and Olivia said they saw you today while you were working."

"Oh yeah, I'm okay, the usual stuff. Tired, hungry, bloated. Being pregnant is fun already." She snorted, "I keep getting morning sickness in the evening now, so I've had to change my meal times to later on... or I just eat crackers. Nothing stays in my stomach but I'm always so hungry... I feel like I haven't eaten Chinese in ages..."

I chuckled a little, not really laughing at her, but just the innocent sadness in her voice was cute, I could imagine a little pout on her face or something right now, "Yeah that's got to be annoying. I'll have to find something online, like a recipe or something that maybe helps you with that. Ah, I haven't had a Chinese takeaway in so long either, hard times."

"Hard times indeed." She snickered and it made me smile to hear she wasn't totally depressed. From what I'd heard from Alice, she'd just looked like she was getting worse and worse from when we went to the clinic. It was mainly when Alice told me this that I was close to calling her, just to check on her. I mean aside from the baby, to check how _Bella_ was. "How are you? Isn't it your birthday tomorrow?"

I smiled again, "Yeah, it is... how d'you know that?"

"You told me, and I told you mine..."

I thought for a moment and then recalled the moment I had 'introduced' myself to Bella, "Oh yeah, September thirteenth right?"

"Yeah." I could hear the smile in her voice, "So are you doing anything for it? Like a party or something?"

I sighed, "Yeah, Alice has sorted some party tomorrow night. You can come if you'd like?"

I'm sure it would make things a bit more interesting, I mean really, Alice invited everyone, which meant they'd all be the same snobby, pretentious, plastic boobed, Lamborghini driving pricks. I couldn't say anything about the cars though, my Aston Martin is the love of my life. It's just not in New York, it was in The Hamptons...

"Thanks... but I think I'll pass. I don't want to vom everywhere or something gross and I don't want your friends to have an allergic reaction to me. I heard a cotton-polyester blend in clothes can prove to be fatal when in contact with the rich and beautiful. I suppose everyone who's anyone will be there right?" She snorted.

I laughed internally remembering something Alice had said earlier, "Something like that. Hey, Isabella don't mock me... Talking about mocking, what the hell was that candy you gave to Olivia today to give to me?!"

She laughed, "Oh... yeah, it was a Cherry Bomber... did she watch your face? Did you like it?"

"Yes she watched me! I was actually crying it was that sour, it was nice at first but then... fucking hell! Also I discovered that I have a child that finds pleasure in watching others suffer. So thanks for that." I rolled my eyes faking annoyance but it sounded like she thought I was serious.

"Oh... I'm sorry... I didn't mean... sorry." I had to speak quickly to stop her going back into her dark bubble again, I could hear it in her voice already, I mean I wasn't being serious,

"Bella it's ok, really I thought it was quite funny, well aside from the fact my mouth had gone numb and these things were popping on my tongue..." I said with a lighter tone, trying to show I really did find it amusing... because I did. She got me, I'd have to get my own back eventually...

"Yeah, it does that." It sounded like she wasn't so worried about it, but still not quite how she was sounding before. God, I need a kick in the shin or something. We were both quiet for a moment until Bella cleared her throat and spoke, her voice quiet and glum, "I don't like lying, Edward, and I can't do it anyway... but I don't want to tell you everything because I don't want you to be... annoyed... but..."

She sighed and I frowned because she'd stopped, "But...? Bella you can tell me anything you want to, you know. Ignore my feelings just say it, I won't be annoyed."

"No, seriously, I shouldn't have said anything... I'll tell you afterwards..."

"Well, you can't say that and not say anything now. After what?"

"After tomorrow."

"Why can't you tell me now?"

"Because. I don't want to be the reason you're in a bad mood tomorrow. It's your birthday, it's not fair, it can wait..." She sighed and I sat quietly while I thought about it. I was never particularly ecstatic on my birthday anyway, I wouldn't mind, I was a big boy, I think I could deal with whatever it was anyway. Even if it was...

"You're going to see that couple about the adoption tomorrow aren't you?"

There was a long silence where I waited for her to answer. I could hear the humming sound coming from the fridge and the general silence of the house. In fact everything was so quiet, including Bella, that I had to check she was still there. I took the phone from my ear and it still said the call was going so I put it back and just waited.

"I... please don't think about it tomorrow. Because I know you don't want me to go, but Edward..." Her voice was laced with misery as she spoke. I didn't understand why she felt she had to do this if every time she mentioned it she got upset. "Please don't." She pleaded.

"I won't." I lied. I would, this, no doubt, would be on my mind all day tomorrow. It would be bugging me continually. I knew it would but why would I tell her that, just to make her even more gloomy.

She made a whimpering sound, "You will. And it's my fault. And I shouldn't have called. And I'm sorry... I'm going now."

"No. Don't go. It's not your fault Bella and I'm glad you did call. Look, if this is what you want to do then I guess I'll just have to... if this is what you're choosing to go with, I'll back you either way. I mean, I got you into this mess..." I started taping my fingers on the granite surface.

"It takes two to tango." She sniffed, "I just... I just don't know Edward. I'm so confused. And I just want everything to work so everyone's happy, but I don't know how to do that. I just want to do what's right, but I don't know what right is. This is all I can do right now, and I don't know if it's what I want exactly, but I don't... I don't know Edward. And I just want someone to tell me because I'm just fucking up already and I'm pulling people down with me, I don't want to. I just want... I just want..."

She didn't finish, she was just sobbing down the phone, muttering the odd incoherent words between sobs. And I didn't know what to do. She was crying and I couldn't do anything, she was on the phone, I couldn't attempt to physically comfort her but I didn't know what to say either. So I just sat quietly and listened to her as she cried and I think it was around then that I realised how selfish I was being about this whole situation.

Bella was trying to run around pleasing everyone, trying to do what she thought would be best for everyone else. She didn't want to upset me, she didn't want to ruin my relationship with Olivia, maybe there were other people in this too, her family, her friends. But it wasn't about anyone else. It wasn't about me, or Olivia, or her family or her friends. It was about her. It didn't matter if I wanted her to keep the baby because ultimately it was her decision. It was her decision and seeing as I was part of this muddle, I would have to support whatever she decided and do my best to help her while I could. It may not be the choice I'd hoped for but life's not always fair.

So that's what I was going to do, that's all I could do.

If she wanted me to hug her and just be there, then I'd hug her and just be there. If she wanted me to piss off and leave her alone, I'd do just that. If she wanted to cry down the phone to me, I'd sit quietly and wait for her to stop.

Twenty minutes later, she did. Her sobs grew quieter and eventually were just sniffles and small whimpers. She still didn't say anything though and neither did I, I just waited until it sounded like she was ready to speak again. We sat again in silence once she'd stopped, just the odd sniffle audible. It was the strangest thing, but I felt like I could sit and wait for hours until she was ok again, not that that was necessary, it was only another ten minutes before anyone said anything.

"Sorry..." she said quietly, her voice raspy after her crying.

"Don't be." I smiled although obviously she couldn't see. I imagined her sitting on her sofa with her blanket and her cat all red eyed and blotchy. Normally I'd just think, hey, she's pregnant, her hormones are a bit crazy, but I think this was just Bella. Probably made ten times worse by the hormones.

"God..." She sniffled again and blew her nose, "Ugh, I've gone through so many tissues this week. You probably think I'm some big emotional wreck. I know I do."

"Not at all. I think you have reason to cry, I don't mind Bella, really. Plus you know the-"

"Hormones. Yeah, or at least I can use them as my excuse." She snorted and then sighed, "...Can I call you? Tomorrow?... I know you've got your party and everything but... actually no, it doesn't matter..."

"No, you can call. I'll pick up, I promise. You can tell me about this couple, see if I approve." I snorted and she sort of laughed a bit. I was trying to make light of it despite something inside me hoping that whoever they were, they were the worst, ugliest, bitchiest, uncaring people ever, just so it'd be easy to say 'nope, not them.'

"...Ok. Um, thanks Edward."

"No problem, sweetheart. Winter, spring, summer or fall, all you gotta do is call, and I'll be there, yes I will, you got a friend." I had to say it, it just had to be said! Bella laughed and I was glad I could make her happy, even if it was temporary, I smiled to myself just hearing the sounds of her chuckling, "I'm being serious!"

She laughed again, "Good. Thanks again Edward, for just... I don't know, being there. Um, I'll speak to you tomorrow then?"

"You shall indeed. Goodnight, Bella."

"Bye." And she hung up. I sat for a while with the phone still to my ear, the line not yet disconnected on my end. I was going to do what I said I would. I would just be Bella's friend. And friends stick by each other or some clichéd shit like that don't they?

I put my phone down and it almost immediately buzzed and I saw it was a message from Bella:

_Happy Birthday! :) X_

I smiled and looked at the clock, a minute past twelve. Happy birthday me.

**I'm not going to lie. I love Edward. I wrote this and when I finished, I just sighed because... just love. Anyway, 100 reviews please, let's make it happen, seriously guys it's easy. I'd like to know your thoughts as usual. All these questions have arisen, what's happening with the baby? Is it going to be given away, what is Edward doing? What does Bella want? Who went to visit her? And then I've been asked questions like, If she keeps it what will happen with the adoption couple? Is she going to have a miscarriage? And well, I can answer none of these, I'm sorry. Well I could, but where's the fun in that?**

**Keep reading mes amis! Edward's birthday next chapter, (it was Edwards birthday on Saturday, June 20th, he's 108 woo! Yes, I celebrated a fictional characters birthday momentarily because I am clearly that 'cool') Anyway, review you crazy cats!**

**You know you love me,**

**XO XO**

**P.S. I re-wrote the kiss Edward and Bella had at the end of chapter 2, because before it was really short, unemotional and LAME. So you can re-read the end if you'd like.  
**


	10. Feel Good

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters. If I didn't put this every chapter would it mean, oh she owned Twilight and its characters back in Chapter 6, but now, she owns nothings. Recession = hard times.**

**So, incase you didn't notice, all chapter titles are songs and that song goes with the chapter. Merci beaucoup to my beta GNILS, because without you I would have grammatically faulty chapters and that's just not right. Thanks to everyone reviewing, i'll reply to all who review this time, and thank you to all those who just read this and everything. Thanks guys!  
**

**Song: Feel Good Inc.- **Gorillaz

**EPOV**

"Happy birthday!" Was, not surprisingly, the first thing I woke to. Olivia came bounding onto my bed and stood there bouncing around and chanting it over and over. When she wasn't paying attention, the quilt covers still over my head, I caught her ankle and she squealed as she fell on the bed.

I pulled back the covers and grinned at her as she lay there in her pyjama's giggling, "Happy birthday, Daddy."

Ah, my birthday. It's rather sad it loses its appeal once you get to about fourteen. Well I don't know if that's true for everybody, but it is for me, other than certain ages, sixteen, eighteen, twenty one. They seemed to hold some importance, but looking back, I don't really know why. I guess they were the ages I thought I was growing up and then finally reached adulthood. Now that I'm here, I really wonder why I was so impatient. You don't have to work at sixteen, you don't have alcoholic ex-wives at eighteen and you don't have five year old daughters and a pregnant one night stand at twenty one.

But I guess that's ok, I'm twenty eight and if others were willing to make some kind of deal about it, then I wouldn't be the one to complain. Bring on the cake!

"I made you a card and Ali has presents!" I think Olivia was way more excited about today then I was and I wasn't even going to see her much of today either which I wasn't really ecstatic about.

She was going to school as usual and then staying at a friend's house in the evening because of the evening planned for me. So I'd have to make the most of her now seeing as, depending on how drunk I actually get, I may not be a functioning, amusing, sober daddy until Sunday... afternoon.

Pulling her closer to me so I sat with my arms wrapped around her, I went through all the birthday usuals. Alice came into my room and sat on the bed with the meticulously wrapped gifts and bags and so on. Some from family and friends, others from companies, clients, work etc. I think I got more presents now then when I actually was fourteen. I thought it was supposed to happen the other way round but oh well...

I let Livvy open most of my presents, she was more eager to do it then I was. Phil stood leaning on the doorframe with his arms crossed, making little witty remarks at the overly expensive gifts I was receiving.

"Seriously Edward, if you sold all that stuff, I think we could save a third world country or something. Man, you got it good. That watch you got there is more than any present I think I've ever received. I think it's more than all the presents I've ever had added together. And that's just from Ali."

I snorted as I turned my wrist, looking at my new Rolex watch. I mean yeah, it would have been really expensive... but it was nice and I needed a new watch.

"My boy thinks you are God, you know. I can't complain, he says he's gunna get a job and make loads of cash so he can 'own my ass'. What a douche, 'own my ass' like he could ever do that... and then my daughter thinks you are _a_ god. So does Carol... you're just loved in my house man, seriously. They barely see you and they all love you more than me!"

Olivia and Alice were fiddling with the various gifts I had received as Meg, the house cook, came upstairs with a tray of food for me, "Happy birthday, Edward." She said pleasantly with a warm smile on her face. Other than Phil and Alice, Meg was the only other person in the house who was quite close to the family. I mean the way to anyone's heart is through cooking.

She put the tray down in front of me and kissed my cheek before pinching Olivia's sides, "You. Pancakes in the kitchen, I'm making some. Are you coming?"

"Will they have smiley faces?"

The slightly rounded, middle aged woman laughed, wiping her hands on her apron and then adjusting her light brown hair into a bun, "Of course! What kind of pancakes don't have smiley faces? Who do you think I am? Seriously, kid."

I knew my daughter and she was skittish from the word 'pancakes' so when 'smiley faces' were added into the equation she was up like a rocket, tugging on Meg's hand to get her to move faster. _Such simple yet utterly complex minds children have._ I wish I got excited over pancakes with smiley faces, oh wouldn't life be grand.

"Meggy, c'mon, you're going too slow! I'm hungry!" She whined, looking as if she was using all her might to pull her and still wasn't getting very far.

"Alright, I'm coming, I'm coming. Christ, you'd think no-one ever feeds you and I _know_ that's not true."

"Olivia, calm down, you're not going to starve. Get changed before you go downstairs, Meg hasn't actually made the pancakes yet, you've got time." She looked back over at me and let go of Megs hand, huffed and frowned at me before marching off to her room, shortly followed behind by Phil.

She was turning into a bit of a diva recently, no doubt I'd have to deal with that before it got too out of hand. Well I wasn't dealing with that today, today was my birthday. Today I didn't care. Today was Edward day, I refused to think any negative thoughts, I was just going to indulge in what life has to offer. Just for today. And apparently, one of life's indulgences was making itself known.

"Ok, I don't care if it's your birthday Edward, get washed, changed, move. You have half an hour. And stay out of Andrea's way, she's coming up to clean your room soon." Alice said whilst gathering bits of torn wrapping paper. I smiled to myself.

Andrea, one of the cleaners. I was never really around when the house staff did their duties, I was either at my apartment or working so I didn't see her often. The first time was a couple years ago when I was waiting around for Tanya in our room, she just came in, cleaned and left. The second time was a lot like the first except she smiled at me. The third time I smiled back. By the sixth time I saw her, Tanya and I weren't together anymore, we weren't divorced yet but Tanya had gone to L.A. I was bored and lonely and so was she, and well, a man has needs... Andrea was definitely an indulgence. And it was my birthday. She was fun.

I got out of my bed as Alice left, Olivia ran passed my open door saying something about happy birthday, pancakes, school and seeing me some time tomorrow. Phil was trailing behind her carrying her shoes. She had the man wrapped around her finger. More so than any of his own children but then they were much older, probably as much as she had me. I thought it was rather funny, she'd totally softened him although he didn't like to admit it.

I pulled her back by her wrist before she started going down the stairs and placed a big slobbery kiss on her forehead which she really didn't appreciate, but I didn't care. I wasn't going to see her until the next day now. Returning to my room, I shut the door and got in the shower. I hated this shower, I always thought too much in the shower and today I wasn't going to think, because thinking went to Bella and where she would be in the next hour or so... _Just don't think,_ I kept telling myself, _it's your birthday, everyone loves you today, and there's the party tonight, that'll be fun._

Still, thoughts of what Bella was doing lingered in the very back of my head and as hard as I pushed, they never quite went away. They didn't go away, but apparently things could block them out which was good. Steam from the bathroom filtered out into my room as I came out, a towel wrapped around my middle whilst I used another to dry my hair.

"Finally. God, you better not have made a mess in there, I've got to clean that." I looked up when I heard the familiar voice and smiled.

There was Andrea, standing with her hands on her hips and her eyebrows raised, wearing her usual cleaning outfit, short grey dress, white socks and white tennis shoes. She was pretty, tan skin, brown eyes, very dark brown hair, always in a ponytail. She had this confidence in her, I knew she did from actually talking to her, but it was obvious in the way she held herself too. Yeah, she had her problems, I had mine, we messed around and thought nothing of it. It wasn't an emotional thing at all, although she was a pretty decent person.

"No, I haven't actually so you can stop looking at me like that." I stopped drying my hair and she huffed, snatching the towel out of my hands before giving me a flirty smile.

"Hm, maybe I should snatch that other towel from you too..." I shrugged, looking down at it and then back at her. She sauntered over to me and traced her fingers down my bare chest, "You've been working out. Huh. It's been a while Edward."

"Yeah, well, you know how it is." I smirked at her as she kissed my chest.

"Happy birthday. I have a present for you." She whispered seductively, taking one of my hands, gripping and putting it under her dress, letting me cup her. She moaned momentarily, her eyes playful and lively and her full lips parted and waiting. Raising both my eyebrows, I looked at her in surprise and approval,

"Ah, no underwear. I like." Yes, this would definitely work as a distraction...for now.

**BPOV**

I was so nervous. So, so nervous. I mean, I'm always nervous, but now I was super anxious. Anxious to the max. I'm not really one for meeting people just for the sake of meeting people, so I was nearly pissing my pants at the thought of meeting people who would possibly prove to be majorly important. In my life anyway, in this baby's life. And I didn't know how I felt about that. I didn't know if I was more scared of them being horrible people and having to find a different family, or if they were perfect in every single way possible... ever.

"You won't have to be here for long, just really getting you a feel for meeting families if you choose to see multiple. It's still early days, no one's expecting you to make any decisions right now, you've got plenty of time. Are you ready?" _Am I ready? No. Will I ever be ready? I don't know. Do I know what I'm doing right now? No. Do I need a cigarette and a glass of rose? Yes._

I looked to Tracey, my social worker who was working with the adoption agency. She was a really smiley woman which I'm sure was supposed to relax me, but I was only getting more apprehensive. We were standing outside of a small room, Tracey had her hand on the door knob awaiting my reply. I'd picked this couple to see, they said they'd prefer a face-to-face meeting even though it was early days, and I didn't really mind until now. I'd forgotten, god knows how, how socially inept I was. And I didn't want to give them a bad impression of me...

Oh hell, I hadn't even thought about that.

What if they hated me? What if they thought they were too good for me? What would happen then? What if they thought I wasn't attractive enough so I'd have an ugly baby? If they knew the father, they would see that despite how many bad genetics I might encompass, my traits would hopefully be recessive and his dominant. If that's the case, they have nothing to worry about because they'd have a beautiful child. Yeah...

I sighed and ran my hand through my hair, trying my best to pep myself up, what would be the point in turning back now? Nothing was being set in stone, we were just meeting, and I'd ask a few questions and they'd probably ask a few too. I actually hoped they'd be doing most of the talking because I would not have a clue what I was supposed to be saying.

No wait, I can't do this. No, yes I can. Oh fucking hell.

Where the hell is Rose now? Or even Edward? I know he wouldn't want to be here though, I wouldn't want him to be here either really. Today of all days. I mean what a fucking birthday present Bella, _'So I'm going to find the people I'll give our child away to today which will probably leave you miserable, heartbroken and hating me, but hey, happy birthday!'_

Tracey put her hand on my back as she opened the door and then stepped aside, leaving it open for me to walk in first. The room was medium sized, it had cream walls and the usual paintings these sorts of places have. There were also two sofas opposite each other and a glass coffee table in between. A young couple was seated on one and on seeing me enter stood up and smiled. _Crap,_ I didn't know what to do already, my heart was all over the place so I settled with just timidly smiling back.

Tracey came in beside me with her freakishly wide smile and looked at all of us, greeting the couple and introducing them to me before we carried on.

The man stuck his hand out to me, a warm grin on his face, "Hi, my name is James Eripmav and this is my wife Victoria."

The young woman standing just to the side of him with long, fiery red hair eagerly came forward a bit and put her hand into mine, "Thank you so much for coming to see us. I mean I understand that your still in the early stages of pregnancy but this is the furthest we've ever got with anyone already, and I know this doesn't really mean anything right now, but I'm just so excited. So thank you."

Seriously, don't thank me just yet. You might not like me... I might not like you.

"Well I thought you looked like the best couple out of the ones I saw, so... yeah." Mm, great line there Bella. Here's hoping the baby doesn't contract my moronic genes... wow, I feel so sorry for it.

It was all smiles and talking from there really. They asked me questions, I asked a few too. I became more talkative as they told me more about themselves and vice versa, but by more talkative I mean I began constructing proper coherent sentences instead of a few mumbled words.

They both had large families; James' family had originated from Eastern Europe which I supposed explained the surname... and Victoria's was from Canada. From what I could tell, and obviously what they told me, they were from a lot of "old money" and could very easily financially support a child and give it everything and anything it may ever want ever. I think most people think that when you give your child up for adoption, that all the couples are going to rich, educated, happy, but as I knew from reading the files, that really wasn't the case.

It really was with these two though, and the thought was somewhat comforting. And also the fact that neither of them seemed particularly snotty about it, Victoria clearly stated that she was all for enforcing correct morals and values in life and wouldn't want a child to be an overly spoilt brat. I think I must have let out a huge sigh of relief because I would hate if someone made this child to be like that.

She was an artist, he was a business man. He liked the theatre she liked rock'n'roll. They had an English bulldog called Basil who had a love of cats, vegetables and children. A dog that loves cats, wow. She liked to ride, he did karate. They were so random and I think I loved them. I think I really did.

Victoria was like everything I wasn't but wanted to be. I found myself just staring at her and thinking where the fuck did I go wrong in my life? Like seriously, what the fuck? I could have been an artist or something; I could have had a good life and married a millionaire... ok maybe not that bit, but I could have stayed on at school, I could have been happy. I could have been her. And I could have kept this baby.

"Early days" everyone kept telling me. "You can still change your mind" yeah, yeah, I knew all this, and I know I should still be wary until the end of the first trimester, but I was basically in the second, and I know I didn't have to make any crazy decisions now and I wasn't, I just really liked the sound and look of these two.

That's a good thing, right? Because I think it's good. But if it's so good, why do I feel like... shit?

---

"So you liked them then?" Rose said while flicking through various brightly coloured bras and pushing Seth around in his stroller.

"Yeah, I did..."

"Good, are you going to go any further with them or keep looking around?" I shrugged whilst looking at the collection of bras in my hand.

"Maybe, I don't know. Hey, you know your brother turned up at my door the other day."

Rose stopped and turned to look at me rather confused. It was random, I know, I was there, "Really? Why?"

"I don't know..." Yes you do you moron, you were there! "He asked if he could document my pregnancy in pictures or something, for some project he's working on, I don't know..." That wasn't all he'd said but I wasn't going to bring that all up in the middle of this store. He hadn't said much else, he just put things into clearer sight... actually he made things possible more confusing in a less confusing way... well I know what I mean, it was weird but I suppose I appreciated it, whatever _it_ was. Jasper put things into some complex form that was somehow easier to digest. I suppose I could talk to him more at these photo shoot things now maybe.

She turned and continued prowling the rails for apparently 'suitable' underwear, which I thought was just ridiculous because no one was going to see it, a plain white or black on would be fine, "Huh, didn't ask me when I was pregnant, I didn't even know he knew you were, Emmett doesn't... what did you say?"

"Edward must have told him or something... I said fine, I mean why not, if he was using it for work or whatever and he's a famous photographer, I figured he could probably get something good, even if he was using me...hey that's going to be way too big." I inspected the bra she'd just handed to me. I mean c'mon, I know I was bigger, but surely not by _that_ much.

She looked me up and down dubiously before groping my boobs and sighing, "Bella, have you looked at yourself recently? Have you felt these recently? That will fit you, you're spilling out of the one you've got on." It was true, this bra was nearly unbearable, I could see myself blobbing over through my top. Not cool.

"Ah!" I began swatting her hands away, looking around the shop to see if anyway had witnessed me being molested, apparently not, "Well now I just feel violated. And no, surprisingly enough I don't measure my boobs daily."

My god, I felt like I was thirteen again when Rose had to take me to get my first bra. God, _that_ was embarrassing. In fact I'm not even going to relive the memory else I may well have to suffocate myself with the cup of this bra I have in my hand now. Cringe. I still hate the 'intimates' section, don't even get me started on lingerie shops.

She threw some more at my head while scanning around for others, "I guess you should start with maternity clothing soon." Oh god, maternity clothing? A step closer to becoming an elephant/whale/other large mammal.

On some blissful days I forget that probably in a few more months I will actually resemble a beached whale, but then I'd get up and try to prise the zip of my skinny jeans up and just fail and then I'd remember. Oh yeah, I'm pregnant and I'm hungry again. Just a few months. I was going to be fat, I was going to get fatter and fatter and fatter and then when this was all over, I was still going to be fat. Well maybe not, but I wasn't going to be the same skinny me. _Goodbye skinny me, I loved you, I'll miss you._

I don't want to say farewell to my skinnies. What was I expected to wear now? I don't want to be a whale. I don't want to be taken away and made into Haribo...

I was majorly bloated at the moment, which at the worst of times made out a faux bump. I'm sure it was more fat than baby though, in the past few weeks I swear I'd eaten double my own body weight and I had gained weight, I know I had, I could see it. The scales in my bathroom sat and taunted me every day I came out of the shower, "Come over here Bella." They said, "Come and let us show you how much of a fat bitch you are already. How many pounds have you put on this week? Twenty? Twenty five? A hundred?" And I'd glare and never venture to that corner of the room. The scales remained in the shadows for now, where they belong, the evil fuckers.

My 'bump' wasn't anything noticeable. I noticed it obviously, I'd gone from skinny to not being able to do up my pants so well, of course I noticed. I suppose it just looked like I'd put some weight on to everyone else, which I had, so I didn't mind so much... yet. The thought of maternity clothing was just depressing though. I saw some people rushing to buy some as soon as they found out they were expecting, but why celebrate the loss of skin that bounces back into shape? Rose showed me enough, she was still beautifully slim, but even she wasn't what she was.

I wanted to cry while others were popping fucking champagne bottles.

Different situations though I guess. I mean I'm not condemning their happiness, they have plenty to be happy about. I'm just mopey and confused and irritated and scared and sad and fucking hungry. I'm always so hungry! Good news, I hadn't been sick today. I was happy about that, my morning sickness was slowly coming to a halt as I entered the second trimester, fuck yeah!

"Your boobs are about the same as mine now... wow, you've grown really quickly already, that's weird. They might get bigger you know." Bigger? No! I miss my boy boobs already.

"Rose, can we hurry up, I've gotta eat and this is boring and I'm slightly disturbed by your boob groping. They're tender enough as it is without you attacking me."

"I'm just trying to find bras that'll fit you best, I mean we could always just have you measured and then-"

"No! Fine... just, food soon, please." Bitch, I was _not_ getting measured, no way not after.... nooo bad memories, bad memories!

"Yes, ok little girl. Give me those and find something to amuse yourself or something and mommy will buy you something from Starbucks after, but only if your good." I handed her all the bras I had in hand and narrowed my eyes.

"Don't patronise me, Rosalie. And anyway I've got to get something so I'll be back. And you owe me a Starbucks now, just so you know."

"Whatever. You can tell me all about your little meeting over coffee and... Oh no wait, you shouldn't be drinking coffee should you. That's a shame."

Ok, list of things I hated already about pregnancy: eating myself out of house and home, pissing an ocean every fucking day, every five minutes, puking, crying, getting fat, no smoking, no alcohol, _no coffee._ I seriously was suffering without my morning cup, I never really thought about it before but without caffeine I found myself to be somewhat high-strung. I don't think the hormones helped either. I thought you were supposed to feel wonderful when pregnant? Yeah, right.

She grinned at me evilly while I huffed and turned to leave the shop, "Fuck you, in case you haven't noticed, I'm pregnant." Asshole.

**EPOV**

Work was work, birthday or no birthday. Everything was as it was but we had cake which was no doubt the best part of the whole day so far.... ok that was a lie. It was definitely up there with Andrea though. And possibly Megs breakfast this morning. And my mom calling to wish me well. Ok, so just generally today everything had been pretty good. Edward day was awesome so far.

Well not totally awesome, I had to keep myself distracted so I didn't think about Bella. I thought that would be easy, it's not like I didn't have anything to do, I had lots to do and me just being me, and it being my birthday I spent the majority of the day enduring constant flirting by female colleagues. Even a few male colleagues. Yeah, apparently everyone wanted a piece of me today. So generally speaking everything was fine, it was the evening when things started to get messy. Well, chaotic anyway... for Alice more than me actually, but her stress was mine.

"Oh my god, apparently they don't have the bloody guest list at the door, what the hell?! I told them to do this hours ago! Seriously, if you want something done around here you've just got to do it your fucking self. God! I'm so stressing out right now, oh my god... At least you're ready on time." She paced my room muttering away and making calls whilst I slipped on the jacket of my suit.

My god I loved this suit. It was fucking beautiful. In the top five beautiful things, them being: my daughter, my Aston, my bed, probably Bella and this suit. I slipped my phone into my pocket remembering then that she would call me later and I'd promised to pick up. And I would.

There was a knock at the door and a blond mop in a suit peered round, "Ah, my main man. Happy birthday, Edward." He came in with that damn smile he had, he was always so smug, what did he even have to be smug about? I raised an eyebrow and chuckled as he shook my hand, "Yeah so I got you two presents, one will get here in like, I don't know, two days? Maybe tomorrow, maybe next week. The other... I don't know, but you'll get it. Some time in the future." Oh gee thanks.

"It's not a stripper is it?" I asked with raised eyebrows, it wouldn't be the first time and he always sends them on random days when my birthday's already gone.

He laughed, clearly having the same memory as I was, "No man, that was the past, I got you something good this year. Trust me." He winked before turning round to face Alice who was grinning back at him like a Cheshire cat.

"Ah, Alice you are looking beautiful as ever." Oh god, here we go, the two of them were just freakin' terrible, it was like, we can all see what's going on here, just shut up and fuck. Alice tried to convince me nothing was going on, and Jasper didn't kiss and tell but, he-llo. They were my best friends, I think I'd know.

She giggled and bit her lip, "Thank you. You're looking rather charming yourself." And Alice was just so obvious. A second ago she was ranting and raving, now she's all 'Oh my god, Jasper I love you, you're so charming, ooooh'. My god, you would have thought this stopped at high school. Yeah, _ten years ago, apparently not..._

He went closer to her scanning her up and down with his eyes and then span her around, watching her intently as she went round, and eyeing up her satin green cocktail dress. "Green is definitely your colour. I love it. It's my favourite, on you anyway."

"Really? It's Cavalli." As if she didn't already fucking know.

"It's beautiful, like you." He said kissing her hand. These two just killed me. She giggled in her girly way and I had to roll my eyes, _hey remember me, my birthday?_ They were pulled out of their googly eyed, drool stare as Alice's phone began to ring and she groaned.

"Hey what's up?" He asked, frowning just as she did.

"Party stuff. People doing things wrong, you know how it is." I scoffed, rolling my eyes and Jasper turned to look at me and then back to Alice.

"Don't worry sweetheart, I'll help you sort it all out, I'm sure everything's fine." Yeah, I'm pretty sure she needs help sorting _something_ out, and I don't think it's the party...

"Oh Jasper, you don't have to..."

"No, I insist."

"Wow, you're such a fucking gentleman." I murmured, glaring at Jasper as he took Alice's arm and linked it through his own. The thing is, he was _such_ a fucking gentleman it almost killed me. He just got everything fucking right. He was just so _knowing._ Always had been, even when we were in high school. What an asshole.

"Ok kids, lets roll, Alice has stuff to do and I need to help. Tonight I plan on getting royally trashed and not remembering anything at all in the morning. Edward, I wouldn't recommend it, we know what happened last time... Alice my dear, we shall dance the night away and everyone will get happy and then still be drunk when Monday morning rolls round again. But I'm all for brunch tomorrow morning if you're up for it? Cheers, birthday boy." He winked again as he lead Alice through the door.

I sighed, checking my pockets for everything I needed and when I was satisfied I had my phone, my wallet, not that I'd needed it, and whatever else lurked in my pockets, I followed behind. Might as well get this show on the road.

---

Half nine we arrived at the club. Of course I had to be fashionably late seeing as it was my party. This basically meant I was sitting around in the limo while Alice and Jasper sipped off hand in hand to sort whatever it was they had to sort out. I looked at my phone and figured Bella would call around the same time she called yesterday, so I slipped it back into my pocket and waited for Alice to give the all clear to come in. Which she did no little than five minutes later.

I had to do the whole 'Hey, it's my birthday!' thing, I felt like one of those kids on My Super Sweet Sixteenth or whatever, except it was my Super Sweet Twenty-eighth, doesn't really have the same ring to it. So I waltzed in just as Alice had asked me to do and there was all this music and hoards of cheering people, half of them I knew, half of them were clearly the other halves plus ones or something. But then again Alice had invited everyone anyway.

The club was all decked out with drapes and lights and loads of stuff and people. Stuff and people. People and stuff. I'm sure it was all amazing but I didn't really care much for these kinds of things, but I played along because I knew it would make Alice happy and hey, it _was_ my birthday.

So I greeted everyone nicely, I laughed along to jokes, I drank champagne, I blew out my candles, I socialised, I even danced for a bit but then decided I wasn't drunk enough to 'get crunk'. I did everything I was supposed to, and I didn't even hate it. Still, I found myself just waiting for the time when Bella would call. Every now and then I'd pull my phone out to see if she'd called already and I'd missed it. Not that I would, it was on vibrate in my breast pocket of my jacket, I'd feel it go off.

Ten thirty five, I was sitting at the bar, chatting to people I didn't really want to be chatting with and drinking more champagne. I could see Alice and Jasper off dancing somewhere and I couldn't help but smile at the two. Why they weren't married with kids already, I do not know. They were so damn good together as well, _and Alice thought she was hiding her little crush well, psh_.

"Hello birthday boy." I smiled seeing as I recognised the voice and when I spun around to see who I knew it was I found my face squashed between two breasts. Not just any breasts, Jessica Stanley's breasts, and my god, happy birthday me! Still, for the sake of being polite I pulled back a bit and apologised.

"It's alright, handsome. I thought you fit quite nicely actually..." Oh, so this was how it was going down then hm? I knew Jessica, she was a flirt, and her tits were 100% fake but no one cared, she was hot. A little slutty perhaps, but hot nether the less. I'd never touched her personally, but she was in it to win it, I knew it, she knew it, and anyone looking our way knew it too. I glanced at my watch, I had time. I looked back at her as she swirled the drink she held.

"Twenty minutes." I said, crooked smile in place and hand held out.

"Oh come on, half an hour, I think you should really _enjoy_ this present." She pouted at me, her plump bottom lip sticking out, glossed in bright red.

"Twenty minutes." I repeated, raising my eyebrows. Really, twenty was my final offer, I was just 'indulging' here, I didn't _need_ to fuck her right now. Staring at her tits from a distance did me just fine. And anyway, after twenty minutes Bella was going to call, I'd been waiting all night for that call and I'd rather talk to her anyway.

Jessica put her hand into mine and sighed, a cheeky smile still on her face, "Fine. I'll make it worth your while."

I skimmed her body with my eyes as we swerved through the crowds of grinding, dancing and kissing people. Tight and short cream dress, emphasised her boobs which were of course her biggest assets. Her brown hair dead straight around her face, probably a ton of make-up. Nice legs, nice figure. Yeah, Jessica was hot, but without her boobs she was just average, nothing special, not particularly interesting to talk to, not very funny, not really intelligent. This is why we had her on reception at work, she drew people in. On a fuck, marry or miss, Jessica was definitely a fuck. Jessica sans boobs? Probably a miss. Sorry.

We found our way to a VIP lounge which was currently unoccupied other than a bouncer standing outside of it. The walls were soundproof thank god, which meant no music was coming in here and no sounds were going out there. After making sure he wouldn't let anyone in until we'd left we got down to business. My jacket was off, her dress was hitched up, my pants were unzipped, her panties were down.

On a usual day I would think, 'Tsk tsk Edward! Don't do it, she's easy', but today wasn't usual, it was celebrate being single twenty eight year old Edward Cullen day so I was thinking, 'Well why the fuck not, live a little'. I was sober enough this time to actually check, double check, triple check I had a condom on. No way was I doing that again not after I'd already got Bella pregnant and messed her up or whatever when she... didn't... even...

Fuck, Bella.

Is it messed up that I'm fucking another girl whilst thinking about the girl I knocked up? Because I am now. And I think it is.

Ah crap, Bella thoughts usually slow me down. I really have to stop to think, she brings a lot to mind. I could feel my head clouding over with all these questions, all these thoughts, all of her. It was like I could smell her near me, like I could hear her cursing softly underneath me instead of Jessica. And when I looked it was her. It wasn't Jessica, it was Bella and... woah, ok, I need to stop with the champagne.

"Edward... harder..." Jessica moaned whilst she gripped my sides, her nails digging into my skin causing me to groan loudly. It wasn't that it felt good, quite the opposite really. From what little I could remember, when Bella had done it, it felt good, with Jessica now, it just fucking hurt. And anyway, shut up Jessica, it's hard to imagine you as someone else when you do so much talking. Stop with the talking, get to the coming so I can go.

"Edward, faster!" Fucking hell, she's so needy, and to be honest, I really wasn't in the mood now. I just wanted to go home, I was bored of all of _this_. This party, these people, everything. I appreciated they were all here for me but I just wanted my phone call now.

Needless to say, it was another fifteen or minutes or so until I finally came. Other than her boobs, which were a lot of fun, Jessica was pretty boring. She wasn't great, she wasn't bad, she was just there. And anyway, I had a phone to get to. She sat up on the leather seating we'd just been on, a wide grin on her face as she adjusted her clothing.

"Wow. Thanks, gorgeous." She knelt up and kissed my cheek, grazing her painted nail across my skin before flicking her hair and tossing her hips as she strutted out of the door.

I picked my jacket from the floor and searched the pocket for my phone and holy shit, two missed calls. From Bella. And I'd said I'd pick up the phone. I _promised_ I would. And I didn't cause I was fucking miss I've-got-big-tits-but-It'll-take-you-a-year-to-come. Fucks sake Jessica.

I stood up and slipped my jacket back on as I wandered over to the door, still just staring at my phone. I should just call her back or something. And apologise but then again, these calls were from twenty minutes ago. Twenty whole minutes! I said twenty minutes to Jessica, if I'd known it would have taken me that long to come I wouldn't have bothered at all. I mean really, what did I even get out of that? I was just thinking about Bella. And anyway, I want to find out what happened today. I'm calling here back now, done.

I was just about to press the call button when Alice pulled me from the doorway, a bit too happy, "Edward! Are you having fun?! I am having so much fun, I've been dancing with Jasper all night." Then she whispered really loudly, you know, the way drunk people do, "I really like him you know, and I know, I'm a stuck up bitch sometimes but he makes me happy. Do you think he likes me? I never really know... Anyway, you have to come and meet these wonderful people because they haven't said happy birthday to you yet!"

"Alice, I really just want to make this ca-"

"Edward, you can call people anytime! Stop being anti-social and come on!" She giggled and took my hand,

"Alice, please."

"No, you're coming. Edward, they're really funny, believe me darling you'll love them, I know what you like." I sighed and reluctantly let her drag me away. Apparently Bella could wait.

**BPOV**

He didn't pick up. And I called twice. I decided any more than two was just sad and he'd probably think I was some pathetic creep who he had accidently given his number to, just to be nice, except now I wouldn't stop calling. And that just wasn't true.

I wasn't upset, I know he'd promised but I wasn't going to hold a grudge or anything. It was his birthday, he was at his party, it was a bit selfish of me to actually think he would pick up to be honest. Why would he want to stop having fun at a party to just be depressed and talk to me? There seemed little logic in it, so the whole thing unfazed me. I wasn't going to lie though, I did really really wish he'd picked up, just so I could hear his voice, despite what it was saying, just his voice would do. That was some shit I needed on a voice recorder so I could hit replay whenever I got bored or lonely. Maybe if I was lonely I could just talk to the voice even though there was no Edward for the words to come out of...

No, that would just be depressing, as if my life would come to that. I'd preferably talk to my cat- still weird? Not as weird, at least he's actually there and listening to me.

I'd tried to get to sleep but it just wasn't happening, I was _so_ uncomfortable, my damn boobs! I just couldn't sleep right, even on my side where it wasn't so bad, I couldn't sleep. I just tossed and turned and rolled around in my bed. Hammy had chosen to sleep next to me but I forgot he was there, and so in my attempt to find comfort, I rolled on top of him eliciting a loud screech and generally scaring the shit out of both of us. What was worse was that I was actually tired, I was really tired, I just didn't get. If I'm tired, why no sleep? I thought one came from the other?

I got up after that, I needed to piss again and I was hungry. Again. Midnight snacks were becoming a bit of a usual nowadays, I didn't really think much of it, I quit moaning I just ate. And food was comforting anyway, not that I had much of it. I really needed to go get groceries. After picking up a back of chips, I mooched over to the sofa and brought the laptop that sat on my coffee table to my lap and opened it up.

I refrained from googling anything to do with pregnancy unless I really had to. The stories, the _details_, it just freaked me out. I especially didn't want to know _details_, so I just sat on YouTube and watched stuff. Soon the chips were gone and I was still hungry, still I started with Charlie the Unicorn, then I moved to those video's with Will Ferrell and his niece, then I watched some random 'Cats Do The Funniest Things', and seriously, they really do. Then I decided to just laugh at some Lolcats because they got me every time, I bet I could make hundreds with Hammy. When he's half asleep he reminds me of a wise old man about to tell me something profound. I have to admit, a few times I sat staring at his face for ages, wondering if maybe this time he actually would. He never did. He just fell asleep or stared me down. One time he 'mow'ed, apparently he couldn't be bothered with the 'e'.

I was having a lot of fun. Until I did something.

I don't know what I did, but I did something and it fucked up the laptop.

I think it may have been overheating as well, it had been doing that for some time now I just left it for a while. But now the screen had gone funny and I was pressing stuff, not that I knew what to press because I'm not an IT technician, I don't do computers. And then it made this noise and then there was smoke and then I got scared. And it poofed again and there was more smoke and I ran around with it whilst shrieking for a while. I didn't know what I was doing. Was it going to erupt into flame? Was it going to blow up the whole apartment? How the fuck did I know. All I knew was I had something hot a smoking in my hands.

So, I put it in the sink. Possibly the stupidest thing to do, but there was smoke, when there's smoke I think fire, when I think fire I think water. Electrics and water? Ok, I did not think about that. So whilst in some mentally retarded state of shock and panic, I ran water over it, which of course made sparks and then it actually exploded. It was only a poof, there weren't flames or a mushroom cloud but that was no doubt the very end of my laptop. _Goodbye friend._

Staring blankly at the ruined electrical mess in the sink, I began to cry. I didn't mean to break it, and I don't think I had the money to get a new one any time soon. What was I going to do now? I was going to miss all the funny videos on YouTube. How was I going to check the daily update of Lolcats? How the hell was I going to survive in life without Wikipedia? Or Urban Dictionary? My god, I'm screwed.

I cried because I was feeling pretty useless and stupid, who puts a laptop in the sink for gods sake? I noticed all of the smoke now filling my apartment and decided to open the windows before the smoke alarm went of. Smoke alarm in the middle of the night is just real shitty. To be honest it was really hot anyway so the windows being open was a bit of a relief, I was wearing just a pair of boy shorts and a tank top and I was still hot. I slumped down on the sofa again feeling pretty stupid and sad and in a smoke filled room.

Something banged against the door. It wasn't a knock, it sounded more like someone was kicking it with their foot. And I just wasn't in the mood to go and see. Plus at this time of night, it would be some drunk or someone trying to kill me, or rob me, possibly both, possibly all three.

I heard it again, why are they using their foot? I sniffled, rubbing my hand over my nose before standing and cautiously moving towards the door. I looked through to see who it was and then I checked again, and again, even though it was still the same person there.

I stood back for a second staring at the door before slowly opening it, completely perplexed.

"Hi. I didn't wake you did I? I'm really sorry I missed your call and... I brought food?"

**Edward is not a man whore, he is simply indulging on his birthday... ;) Don't judge. Or do judge. Still, tut tut! Ew Jessica. Even Bella was drawn to her boobs (chapter 6) haha! They're like magnets. Did anyone notice James and Victoria's surname is 'Vampire' backwards? I know right, sneaky. Anyway, I'm sorry for the delay in updating this, give me a load of reviews though, just 'cause ;) No but really, do. Please. Right now i'm melting it is SO hot, the past three days have been torturous and wonderful. How does that work?We're having a heatwave! It's 32 degree's! (about 90 degrees fahrenheit)  
**

**Ok, well I hope you liked it, review on the usual- likes, dislikes, queries. I know where I'm going and how I'm getting there now, before I could see the place but I had no path to follow, no I do, it's all good :) ALSO, Glastonbury looked AMAZING my friends said it was, can't believe I didn't go... also, Wimbledon, I'm so proud of Murray! Woo. Ok, end. Review.**

**You know you love me, XOXO**

**P.S. ****If you don't know what Lolcats are, google it, always cheers me up haha.**


	11. Open House

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters**

**Thank you all as usual for reviews, I know I said I'd reply to all of them but most people said the same thing and I didn't want to be repetative so here is your collective reply: Ok, ok, so maybe Edward was a bit of a man whore. Yes, he was in the wrong (i luv twilight I loved your 'company bicycle' line, I'm pretty sure I threw that in here somewhere) But Edward is Edward, he shall prevail and we shall forgive him, right? Yes, no, maybe? And we'll just have to wait and see what's going on with J+V. But thank you all for your reviews, I love them all. Now! Read the chapter!  
**

**Song: Open House-** Bombay Bicycle Club

**BPOV**

I think Edward just had a thing for turning up at my door unexpected, this was the second time. I didn't mind I just wished he'd call before or something. I mean, he didn't exactly catch me at a great time... I was in my pj's or at least a sorry excuse for them, I was sitting in an apartment trying to vent smoke, I'd just been retarded enough to run water over, thus destroying, my laptop, and I was having a miserable time crying. As per.

What the hell was he doing here again?

I stood staring at him vacantly before really realising he was _actually_ standing there and it was quarter to one in the morning. Quarter to one in the morning and Edward Cullen was standing at my door. My laptop's still broke. I'm sad and hungry and tired. I'm not really in a state of functioning right now.

And hey wait, wasn't he supposed to be at his party still?

I think I need to be sleeping right now, "You said you were craving Chinese, and well, I don't know what you like so I got everything..." I looked down at his hands, between the two he was carrying four bags filled with boxes of Chinese. Not just any Chinese. _Shanghai Dreams _Chinese. I thought that was my secret chinese haven? Apparently I wasn't the only one in on it. And suddenly I wasn't so tired anymore and I found myself restraining the urge to pounce on him...

He brings food to the preggo. He is God. He can come in. I don't care for the time, I'm freakin' hungry, and he has Chinese!

I couldn't help myself, I'm pretty sure my face lit up like he'd just brought me water after I'd walked the desert for days, as far as I could see, the bags which he carried held the elixir of life. I literally had to tear my eyes away from them. I'd become such a fucking pig with food but then again I was eating for two and actually, with certain foods, just looking at it made me nauseous. I prayed to god this wouldn't be true for my special fried rice and duck pancakes. Please not the pancakes. Please, no.

"I'm sorry, it's really late. I can go if you want...?" What, and leave me hungry, bored and sad? Um, no. You can't lead me to the fountain and then not let me drink asshole.

"NO."...too enthusiastic maybe? "Um. No. No, come in."

I wiped under my eyes to rid of any remnant tears before putting a small smile on my face trying to hide my misery behind it. He was looking at me weirdly and it seemed like he was struggling to do one of two things, but in the end he decided to just give me a small smile back and come in.

Not surprisingly, when he walked in he noticed the smell of smoke in the air, to be honest it was hard not to, even though it had filtered out of the windows, the smell lingered on the furniture and clung to the oxygen like a carbon molecule. I sighed and then turned to see Edward coughe a little and sniff but made no comment.

Great, my incompetence is destroying his lungs. Destroying his lungs just like I destroyed my laptop. Just like I destroy everything. All I need now is heavy black make-up, take seven years off my age, hate my life a little more and I am emo. And I really am with all these crazy hormones anyway.

"Um, yeah." I didn't know what to say really, it was the middle of the night and despite my crazy laptop exploding, Lolcat and YouTube antics, I was still rather tired.

Edward moved past me and put the bags down on the counter in the kitchen and began taking the various boxes out. I just stood and watched him as he worked diligently, opening each of them and trying to navigate his way around. He stopped suddenly, tilting his head to the side before walking over to the sink.

"Bella... why is there a laptop in your sink?" He went to take it out but I didn't want him to get electrocuted or anything.

I don't think my neighbours would think too greatly of me if I dragged a dead body out of my apartment in the early hours of the morning. Mr Kennedy next door who just hated me for reasons unknown, would try to find anything he could to complain or try and get me in trouble, I'd hate to actually give him something to use. He wouldn't care for the dead man, I just imagine he'd be all '_While you were dragging that body through your apartment you were making one hell of a noise. I couldn't sleep! That's sound pollution!'_ Yeah, I could see it now.

"Don't touch it!" I exclaimed putting my hand out in front of me, as if that was going to fucking stop him. I'm standing all the way over _here_. I'm not elastic man, what, do I think my arm is about to extend and snatch the laptop out of harms way? Idiot.

He looked at me sceptically and then the laptop and then me again, "I broke it." I confessed, dropping my head in shame. _That's right, I did it, it was me, I killed the laptop, smite me now God._ I let my hair fall in front of my face as I stared at my feet not wanting to look at Edward.

It surprised me when, after a brief silence, he started laughing, "Bella, what did you do? Is this what that smoky smell is coming from? Did this explode or something?... Did you put water on it?" Yeah, ok, I know, I'm real retarded, thanks for reminding me Edward.

"Don't laugh, I didn't mean to! I didn't know what to do. It just..." I started making wide hand movements, referring to the 'poof'ing noise it made and the smoke that came after.

"So you ran water over it?" As I stood, pouting and frowning, Edward took the laptop out of the sink anyway and placed it on the side, shaking his head and still laughing. _I bet if I'd taken it out I would have been fucking electrocuted... _He looked over at me and sighed, that gorgeous smile on his face, but I was embarrassed and still grieving the loss of my dear friend, so I stared at the floor once again. _I really need to repaint my toenails..._

"Bella, you really are..."

"Retarded?" I finished.

He laughed, picking up a collection of boxes and went to put them on the coffee table, keeping his eyes on me as he moved back and forth from the kitchen with more boxes. I decided to just sit down on the sofa and wait, it was quite weird watching someone who wasn't me walk around my place like they lived here or something. Had I been a spectator of this, I would have thought I was the guest here.

He sat down beside me on the sofa, taking off his jacket and unbuttoning the first two buttons on his shirt before turning his body so he was facing me, "I was going to say _something,_ actually. You really are... something."

**EPOV**

I was really beginning to hate how Bella looked so sad all the time. Even when she was pretending she wasn't, she was. It was beginning to piss me off, it wasn't her I was pissed off with, it was more myself I was pissed with. It seemed stupid that I couldn't do anything. That I _wasn't _doing anything. I know Alice had said she seemed down, and I knew she was, from when we went to the last appointment, but then actually seeing her, the shitty feeling spread. While I was 'indulging' she was probably crying or something.

Well I felt like a dick. Even if she said it didn't bother her, it bothered me because I'd promised and I hate breaking promises, no matter how big or small.

"I really am sorry I missed your call..." I tried sincerity, picking up two boxes and handing one to her. I was really hoping that wasn't one of the things that she was getting so sad about. And the only reason I'd even missed the freakin' call was because I was taking a ride on the company bicycle.

She smiled as she opened it up, "Edward, really it's fine, I don't mind. You were at your party... and aren't you supposed to still be there?"

"Chopsticks or are you a phoney who uses forks?" Clearly Bella wasn't entirely sure what is was I was talking about but then she caught on.

"Oh right, um...chopsticks. Of course..." I handed her a pair and then went about opening my own box.

"I probably am still supposed to be there I guess, but I got bored. It's not that great when you only know half the people at your own party. I don't know, I appreciate it all and everything but... I just wasn't in the mood I suppose. No one will have noticed I'm not there anymore. And I felt really bad that I missed your call. I'd much rather be here than there. There are only so many drunk people screaming at me to dance with them I can take, especially when I'm sober." Well, I'm sober now. _And I think what you meant to say was there are only so many drunk people you can fuck, _Shut up.

Bella nodded, a determined look on her face as she scowled at her special fried rice with chopsticks in hand, "Ok. I really... didn't mind Edward...about the phone call. Seriously." She pulled her legs up onto the sofa so she was sitting cross legged not once taking her eyes from the food in her hand.

"Yeah well, it really bugged me and I just wanted to check you were alright 'cause I haven't seen you in a couple weeks and- Bella?" I tilted my head and tried to fight back a smile as I watched her continually bring the chopsticks to her mouth only to have the rice fall through. So she'd do it again and it happened again. And again. And again.

She was becoming visibly more and more frustrated as she repeated the motion but food was yet to enter her mouth. I put my chopsticks down and just watched her for a moment. She was so determined in getting it to her mouth she didn't even notice I'd stopped talking, she just sat frowning and muttering quiet curses as she held the chopsticks awkwardly in her hand and tried again.

"Bella."

"Hm?...What?" she looked up at me slowly, an exasperated look on her face and I couldn't help the large smile that broke out on my face then.

"You can't use chopsticks, can you?" She opened her mouth to speak and frowned, for a second I thought she was going to defend herself and tell me actually she was a pro, but then she shut it and bit her lip, looking ashamedly at the wooden sticks in her hands.

"No..." I pressed my lips together to stop myself from laughing and took the chopsticks from her hand, replacing it with a spoon.

"Why didn't you just say so?" She sighed at the piece of silverware now in her hand.

"I didn't want to be a phoney... and anyway, it's about time I learnt how to use them. I eat chinese all the time, it's a bit shameful on me that I can't, but I suck." She sighed again before putting the spoon into the rice and then grudgingly into her mouth, "Now I just feel like a failure. I feel like I don't deserve such greatness in my mouth. I feel like maybe it would taste better if I'd used the chopsticks."

I chuckled then as I watched her eat half-heartedly even though I knew she was hungry, I saw the way her eyes lit up when she saw the bags I was carrying. She looked so cute, yet at the same time, I felt bad that she'd reverted to being somewhat miserable again. And I wasn't going to let her be miserable whenever I was around.

I took the spoon out of her hand, trading it again for the chopsticks, "What are you doing?" She eyed them and then me, "I just told you I can't use them..."

"I'll teach you." I smiled and got up, walking round to where she sat and then leant over the back of the sofa and over her, holding her hand in mine, "Well for starters, you're holding it all wrong." Adjusting her hand so she was holding it correctly, I started again.

"Edward, I'm a lost cause, I can't do it."

"Well if I can't teach you how then I am not Edward Cullen. Now use it like you're going to pinch something, like you're a crab and it's your pincer."

She looked up at me dubiously and scoffed, "I don't know if you noticed, but I'm not a crab."

I rolled my eyes, "Actually, I did notice, a crab would be able to use chopsticks. Now try picking up some rice." She tried again. And failed again.

"I told you. I can't do it." Christ, she gave up so quickly, she'd already put the chopsticks down and was making for the spoon. So I picked up the spoon and threw it in the direction of the kitchen before she got to it.

"No, you're going to do it. I'll force you if I have to." She pouted and huffed as I took the chopsticks and forcibly put them back into her hands and held them there in the correct position. This time I didn't remove it and showed her exactly how she should move her hand to pick things up with the help of my own hand. She tried again and failed again but I made sure she didn't give up this time.

I had my head just to the side of hers and I kept on getting wafts of her hair, attacking my nostrils relentlessly. For a second I considered throwing the damn chopsticks down and taking a handful of her hair just to inhale its sweet aroma. It was so... Bella. I didn't know her very well yet, but her hair smelt like her, as in her character. It was sweet with a hint of spice and an undercurrent of something sour. It wasn't a bad sour, it was a nice one, but it was still there. I reckoned there was something 'sour' hiding within Bella. Not in the sense that she's secretly evil, but that she has something burdening her that might be evil to her or something. I don't know. I could just be talking shit.

Her hand was warm and soft beneath mine as I clasped it, "Ok look, third time lucky. I'll hold on and then let go. I _will_ teach you how to use these damn chopsticks if it kills me." I laughed and she turned to look at me, seemingly startled by how her close her face was with mine and smiled, before turning back, shaking her hand slightly.

We went through the motion again, once she had some rice, I gently released her hand and let her do it herself. She looked as if she was concentrating so hard on it as she slowly brought it to her mouth and then popped it in. I stood up straight and watched her as she turned to look at me and then the chopsticks with such innocent delight spread on her face.

"Hey, I did it!"

"See. Do it again to see if you can do it on your own." And she did it again, and she could do it on her own. She looked at me again with an even wider smile of accomplishment, "My work here is done. So, does it taste any better?"

She ate some more and thought about it as I took a seat back next to her again, "Mm, yes, it tastes better." She said finally.

What, it does taste better? Would it taste worse if I used a spoon then? "Really?" I asked, picking up my own chopsticks and eating some more, this time thinking about the taste.

"No. I was lying, it tastes the same. Success tastes good though, I don't get that very often. I feel like a child who's just done something right for once. Leave me a minute to revel in the glory."

So I left her to revel in her glory. It made me happy seeing her happy, even over something so simple. And if she was celebrating by eating, then she was really going all out. There was me thinking we'd have loads left over because I'd basically bought all the food they had in the takeout, but apparently Bella was very hungry.

I know she'd said something about getting morning sickness around dinner time so she cut down on what she ate, but seriously, by how much? She ate more than double what I ate whilst talking happily about the food, what was her favourite, what she didn't like and why, various stories of things that had happened to her when eating chinese and when she'd tried to make it herself.

By the time she'd finished, there were only two boxes left. She seemed especially pleased she'd managed to eat the duck pancakes, I don't really know why, but she was. I'd just been sitting for the last forty or so minutes watching her eat and listening to her talk. I think this was the longest amount of time she'd spoken to me. Ever.

Apparently she'd dropped out of college, she didn't say much about it, but she said that Shanghai Dreams had been her temple when she did and she spent most of her time wallowing around and ordering takeout from there.

"It's really quite amazing I didn't get fat..." We were sitting opposite each other now, still on the same sofa, we'd just turned ourselves so we were sitting cross legged. Ok, I lied, I couldn't sit cross legged. I'd just turned myself, but Bella was. She looked up in thought for a moment and then looked down again.

"Why did you drop out of college?" She looked up at me and frowned before running her hand through her hair and looking away.

"Um..." She looked rather awkward now, like she was angry and upset and annoyed and a whole load of different things. I suppose in a way, I was trying to test the waters. Seeing what she did and didn't feel comfortable talking about. Apparently college was a touchy subject.

"You don't have to tell me, I was just wond-"

"Well, I did art and design right, because that's all I can do really. I've never been particularly academic, I am beyond shit at all sports. Even playing them on a games console, especially on Wii's. I am never playing on one of those again." She frowned and shook her head getting back on topic, "So, I went to college with my boyfriend at the time...Mike..." She scowled as she said his name and then sighed.

"We were going to major in it or whatever together, because he did art too. And we were fine, I guess. He was so good to me, all the time, always thinking of me, he was really sweet. My brother always hated him, Emmett said he was really seedy. He wasn't. Or he was..." She shrugged,

"He met this girl called Lauren, and he left me for her, he just said he loved her and I said fine. And they left, he moved somewhere with her and I was on my own. I carried on like before because you know, shit happens, you move on. But I really couldn't, and I just wasn't working properly, which was stupid because I didn't even love him or anything. So I dropped out since I wasn't doing anything, moved to New York because Emmett and Rose were here and I've always wanted to live here, like that's original, and I just never went back to school."

"Did you enjoy doing art."

She smiled and nodded, "Yeah, I loved it so much. I didn't get all of the technical stuff as such. There were kids in my classes who just new everything about every single artist that ever existed and exactly what they did and how. I didn't, I knew enough obviously, but I just loved painting and drawing and photography and stuff. I just loved doing it, being involved."

I frowned and tilted my head a bit, "So why didn't you just go back to school? Here? Do courses or something?" She sighed loudly and turned, gathering together the empty boxes, bowls and plates together.

"He kinda killed it for me, I just thought of him. I haven't done any art in a few years now but I carried on with literature because I was really into that. I love reading, so I spent a lot of time just reading. I was considering writing something but I have nothing to write about... I just like being creative. Buuut, I guess that's over now. And anyway I like working with candy, it's fun." She laughed and stood with her collection of things.

I don't know why she didn't just go back to school if she'd liked it so much. She hadn't even said much about this Mike guy, and I already hated him, just for killing her love of art. I mean what a dick. How could he even do that to her? I can imagine Bella just letting him go without any fuss and then crying about it later. I mean it's freakin' Bella for gods sake, I bet she didn't even do anything. Saying that, I had felt like _I_ had cheated on Bella or something with Jessica... and even possibly Andrea as well. Yep, Guilt was certainly making himself known in the house of Edward. Lovely.

I don't think I was as bad as this Mike person. Or maybe I was, I mean I did impregnate her. And then I did have sex three times today... or yesterday. Well, two, but you know, turns out Andrea and I had time for another round... but that isn't the point. I doubt Bella would be so willing to sleep around, period, birthday or no birthday, pregnancy or no pregnancy. Aw man, now I feel like an asshole. Thank god she doesn't know, what the hell would she think of me then?!

"Wait, I'll clean it."

"Edward, I know I'm pregnant and I know clumsy and I have a lot of stuff here... but you're the guest so I'm going to clean _my_ apartment.... and don't say "I want to" or "It's the least I can do" or something like that."

"Fine." I shrugged, standing in front of her with a smug smile, "Then I won't say anything, I'll just do it."

**BPOV**

And he did it again. How come I gave in so easy? He just slipped the stuff out of my hands and went into the kitchen. I was too tired to now to fight back. Not that I probably would do much anyway. It was past two in the morning though. I was tired and bored now that Edward felt the need to clean everything up, apparently bringing food and keeping me company in the early hours of the morning just wasn't enough. I know he felt bad about not picking up my call, but seriously. I was totally over it.

Oh whatever, I'm too tired for this. The monster that is my stomach is sated for now.

So I sat myself back on the sofa and inspected my stomach instead. I had my faux bump again, it usually appeared after I ate and then disappeared again in the morning. But it was there now, and it was weird, really weird. I prodded at it a bit, I'm pretty sure I read somewhere that babies reacted when you prodded the uterus or something. Not that I would feel it, it's still too small.

I stopped and twisted my mouth as I stared down at myself. The thought of something growing inside of me and not even being able to feel it was probably the weirdest thing ever. Maybe the scariest thing ever as well. Someone else was relying solely on me to keep it alive. Literally, for oxygen, for food, for blood everything.

Something started buzzing underneath me, for a second I thought it might have just been my flatulence starting up again, but I've never had a fart that lasted that long so I was pretty certain it wasn't coming from me, "Um, Edward, your phone's just here and I think you've just got something..."

"What is it?" He shouted between the sloshing of water in the sink. I fumbled around underneath me until I found the iPhone that was squished between my butt cheek and the sofa.

"Um..." I wasn't a complete technophobe, I loved my laptop (R.I.P.) dearly, and my phone was frequently handy, but _this_. My god, I did not know how the hell to work this thing, and that was scary. Edward was probably waiting on me and I didn't even know what the fuck to do. Eventually I got it to tell me how to unlock the phone, his background picture was a really smiley Olivia. It was pretty sweet, I would have smiled at it but I was freaking over how to work this thing.

"Ok, I don't get your phone." I had to drag something across and it was all touchy screen and Jesus, who invented this stuff for a phone? I thought it was supposed to make things easier? This isn't easy!

"It doesn't matter then, I'll check it in a sec."

"Oh wait, I get it now, it's a message from..." Ok, well I had unlocked it successfully, it told me there was a new message and I could see it was from 'Jessica', but I guess I pressed something because it opened. I didn't want it to open, but it did. I didn't know what I was doing. And I really don't know what I was doing reading it.

_Hey Eddie, just wanted to say happy birthday again gorgeous. Don't know where you disappeared off to :( but I missed you, I think I'll have to have you again some time soon, definitely a great fuck. I get wet just thinking about it... ;) Obviously you've still got it in you old man. Call me or something like that if I'm sober enough in the morning. See you Monday. Jess Xx_

...

"Who's it from then?" He asked as I stared at the text message and then pressed a few more buttons to see if I could get it to say 'unread'.

"Oh, um. It's from. Um. Jessica?" The sloshing of water in the sink stop and then he came over, drying his hands on a dish cloth.

"Oh." _Yeah, 'Oh'_, "She's the receptionist at work, she's probably making sure I remember something on Monday." He said as I handed over his phone. _Yeah, or something like that. _I'm not stupid, that's what he has Alice for. Alice is his personal receptionists. He had little to no reason to even know who she was other then perhaps occasionally seeing her when he came into work. That was a shitty excuse.

I can't blame him though. She had huge tits. Is that how she drew men in? With her tits? I bet it was. I mean, she was quite pretty but nothing special. It had to be the tits. Hell the tits even had _my_ attention and I don't even swing that way. What a whore. I didn't think Edward would be so drawn in by all of that... but I guess I don't really know Edward. Still, she was a whore. A creepy whore who I now don't like. Tits really aren't all that.

Hey wait, hold up. What the hell am I saying? Who am I to judge? They could have been having some kind of long relationship for all I knew. I doubt it, but it could've happened. Doesn't make me like her any more. I want to hit her tits, and maybe her face too, with a shovel. Who even sends texts like that? _I_ wouldn't send a text like that, did you see me sending a text like that after I slept with Edward? No.

Ok, I didn't have his number and yeah, I couldn't really remember much, but even if I did, I wouldn't have done it. Still, Miss Tit-And-Soon-To-Be-Spade-Face did. Whore.

Does that make Edward a whore for sleeping with her though? And for sleeping with me? And for sleeping with however many more women? I wonder if there were others who were impregnated by the Cullen sperm of doom. Maybe there really _was_ an army of beautiful children. Or maybe he was just having a bit of fun on his birthday. Or maybe this was a daily occurrence. Maybe his wife left him because he gave her some infection from one of his escapades, I mean she was supposedly 'ill'. Maybe I was just lucky not to get anything. Psh, not to get anything, no I got no infection, instead I got a baby. Thanks for letting me off lightly Edward.

This is stupid, is this mild jealousy that's fuelling this, because that is stupid? Or is it? Right, so the baker can go round making as many cakes as he wants but me, being the damn oven, oh no, I'm stuck cooking this one bun? A bun that takes nine fucking months, not just a couple of hours. Nine months of my fucking life! A super special bun, right? Well maybe, but that I wouldn't know. So yeah, I am jealous. I'm jealous he can continue to do whatever the fuck he does and I can't. I can't. I never can.

Now I just want inflict harm onto the both of them. I don't want to hit Edward with a spade, but I do want to hit him with my hands. Continuously. It probably wouldn't do that much but it would sure make me feel better. Because now I was feeling pissed off. Maybe it was stupid, but it felt like he'd cheated on me or something... we're not even seeing each other. We barely even know each other. But that's what it felt like.

"Ok, I'm done. Everything's clean." Edward came back and sat down next to me. I didn't look at him, I was too busy glaring ahead and thinking of ways I could possibly hit this Jessica bitch in the face with a spade without anyone getting suspicious as to why I even had one in the first place. Currently I came up with a gardening competition, but what would either of us be doing there?

"Are you ok?" He asked after a while, I could see him looking at me in the corner of my eye while I sat there frowning. I could easily slap him now, if I really wanted to, I could hit him now. If I really, really wanted to. I could do it right now. It's a fucking shame I really don't want to. What a dickhead.

"Bella." He tapped my hand but I drew it away from him. _Yeah, fuck off asshole._ Who knows what he'd done with that hand today, ew. I don't even want to know. Who else had he slept with today? Yesterday? The day before? No, he's not touching me.

"I'm fine." I said bitterly, crossing my arms over myself. I could see Edward silently panicking beside me, he looked like he didn't know what he'd done, and then possibly did know what he'd done and he hit his brow with his hand in a fist mumbling something. I turned to look at him, and both of us just sat frowning at each other.

He wasn't frowning _at_ me, and to be honest, I wasn't really frowning _at_ him either. I was just frowning because I was pissed off, "I'm just...tired" I sighed and he nodded, not really believing of what I'd said, not that it was a lie, I was so tired. And also I'd read his text and it was a, _I know what you did last night_ moment. Or should I say, I know _who_ you did last night. I wasn't going to tell him I read it though, but it looked like he'd figured I had.

So we sat in silence. He sighed and dropped his head back over the back of the sofa and slumped a bit and I just sat glaring ahead. It just wasn't fair. Why couldn't men be pregnant instead? Then maybe he wouldn't be so eager to fuck anything with two legs, tits and a vagina. Maybe if he had one and knew somehow a baby was supposed to come out of it, he wouldn't be so keen.

"Bella, I..." He started, but I just didn't want to know, it didn't really have anything to do with me, "Sorry." He said simply. Sorry what? Sorry I sleep around? Sorry I got you pregnant? Sorry I like tits? Sorry I'm a beautiful asshole? Sorry I'm so damn lovely that even though I did all these things you can't be that angry with me?

"What are you sorry for?"

"Everything." He sat staring up at the ceiling and I sat staring at him. And then he turned his head and just stared back at me. So then we just sat in silence staring at each other. And let me tell you, it's very hard to hate someone or even dislike them when they're so damn... pretty. Gorgeous. Beautifully breathtaking. And they just did your dishes. And when they're staring at you with this glossy emerald eyes that burn with such intensity you can't bear to look away.

I couldn't hear anything except for the distant sounds of sirens somewhere and my breath. I was breathing so loudly, it was actually quite embarrassing, and maybe I should have minded but it's hard to think of anything when Edward Cullen is staring. He just had some crazy hold on me, even when my body was screaming for me to look away and say something, I couldn't. I couldn't, I couldn't, but I had to.

"Edward, you... you don't need to apologise." I said trying to hide the breathlessness of my voice by looking down. I heard him move and then his voice was right by me.

"No, I really do. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, for everything." When I looked up again, he was right there. _Right _there. In my face. I could feel his used air rolling out from his nose and onto my face. If I moved, even an inch, even less than that his nose would brush against mine and I had to mentally scold myself at how much I wanted to move and just let it happen. But I didn't.

I let my eyes look up and meet with his and again, they just bore into mine. It made me feel all bubbly, I'm not sure if that was gas and baby or Edward. And now I felt embarrassed that my breath was being so freakin' loud. I don't think I've ever had such a need to kiss someone as I did right now. And I could have, I barely had to move, he was there, I was here. I just had to... but I couldn't.

His eyes fell over my face, down to my lips and lingered there until he looked back up at me. Fuck. I couldn't kiss Edward, I was supposed to be pissed off with him. Kissing him would just make everything weird, and it would just make me another one of today's catches. It didn't stop me from wanting to though, because right now I really did. But that just wasn't going to happen.

I bit my lip and closed my eyes tightly, I could feel my cheeks begin to fill with colour. I could smell him. He didn't smell of alcohol, he didn't smell of smoke, or Jessica, or chinese. He just smelt of Edward. That smell I wanted to bottle along with his voice. Oh fucking hell.

"Um. So, that couple I saw today...yesterday... They were nice. They were... good. Yeah. Um." I stuttered. Low blow. That pretty much killed it, but that was the desired effect.

Edward didn't say anything, then he sighed and sat back, "Were they?"

"Um, yeah." I let out the breath I was apparently holding. Problem averted. For now.

**EPOV**

What the hell was I doing? Was it not bad enough I'd slept with two people already today... yesterday, whatever. What was I planning, kissing Bella and making it three? Or just kissing her and making it really awkward? Because it would be either way and I didn't really want to do that. I mean I did, but I didn't. Especially since she was so obviously pissed off with me and I knew she'd read that text, it said 'read'. I was feeling real guilty and shitty, but did I think that kissing her would get me off the hook?

To be honest, if she hadn't have said anything, I would have. Or done something, because I couldn't kiss her, everything would just be weird if I did. And I had to give her a pat on the back for well and truly killing it. Yep, there was no way I was thinking about kissing her now. A near slip up on both ends I think, but all was restored.

"What did you think of them?" I said, back into daddy Edward mode.

Her cheeks were still a light rose from our near encounter but her face was serious, "I really liked them. I don't want to jinx anything though. I'm just about in the second trimester now which is the 'safe zone' or whatever, so, I can look into the adoption more now... they were like a tester. But they were good."

I made her tell me all about them, to distract me from earlier situations. I asked her a thousand and one questions, some she couldn't answer some she could. I didn't mean to make her uncomfortable or upset, I just wanted to know and since I wasn't there I wanted to know as much as possible. This is probably just me being an anxious control freak but what can I do. When it got to the point where I think my questions were sucking Bella dry and just making her somewhat saddened, I tried lightening the atmosphere.

"So what did you do after you saw them?"

She shrugged unenthusiastically, geez I'm such a twat, I seriously need to know when to stop with the intense questioning, plus she just looked really tired now. But then it was half two. I should really go soon or something, "I just went shopping for a bit with Rose and Seth. He's her youngest, he's also the nicest and the cutest." She smiled as she thought and I just smiled because she was.

"Oh." She got up and wandered into her room. I was really going home soon, I could see in the way she was walking how tired she was, she was slow and I thought that maybe she was just going to fall over soon. Or that she'd never come back out of her bedroom and I'd find her asleep, collapsed on the bed.

She did come back out though, a sleepy smile on her face, "I got you a card." She handed it over and sat down next to me, closer than she had been before, she was _right_ next to me now. I smiled at her and then went about opening it. And how I laughed, this card was just so her.

On the front it had a picture of a chicken in a bra. Yep, a chicken in a bra and it said:

**_YOUR BIRTHDAY SONG_**

_I'm writing a **SONG** about you for your **BIRTHDAY** and it goes something like this:_

_Crazy but wonderful__  
__That's what you are__  
__Crazy but wonderful__  
__Like a chicken in a bra..._

_It's not quite **FINISHED** yet, but what do you think so far?_

I gave her a dubious look while she sat there giggling to herself as I opened the card where it said:

_Ok, obviously I didn't write this song, it just came with the card and I'm not that musically inclined... however I am wishing you a very happy birthday :) Because you've been nearly as crazy and wonderful as a chicken in a bra... not quite, but nearly._

_Love Bella x_

_P.s. You're really kinda old, huh?_

"I'm not that old," I laughed and she shrugged and yawned before putting her hands up,

"I was just saying..." she giggled.

"Thanks. I think this is probably the best birthday card I've had." I wasn't joking, it probably was. A chicken in a bra? Pure genius.

"That's ok, I just saw it and-" _Yawn_, "Thought of you. I don't even know why. You really don't remind me of a chicken in a bra. I promise."

I smiled as I read the card again and again, and then once more just because, "Where did you get this-" I stopped mid sentence when I realised that I clearly was not going to get an answer anytime soon because Bella had fallen asleep, leaning on my arm. I didn't want to move because she looked so peaceful and comfortable but I had to go home. Seeing as there wasn't much I could do, I just sat there watching her sleep until I had absolutely no blood circulation in my arm.

I wiggled it out from underneath her, thankful I could once again feel all body parts, leaving Bella to fall onto my side. I thought I'd woken her but she just moved her head and a hand onto my chest and then stilled, her breathing returning to its steady pace. I don't think I was going anywhere soon, so I moved my now alive and free arm round her waist and sighed.

Maybe home could wait.

**That is a real card by Edward Monkton (Edward, hm?) all cards by him I think are hilarious. I put a link to it on my profile. Moving on, I'd like to say a big thanks to GNILS who is the best beta + the Swedish folk music you sent me a link to has me laughing just thinking about it. Oh wow :") and you're just helpful, and you know what, you're just awesome. **

**I hope you liked this chapter, we see some progress with the BxE relationship. Near kiss, not quite, what a shame. Sigh. I don't like saying exactly what's in the next chapters because I always change my mind, but let me tell you this; Edward is no longer standing for depressed Bella, 12week appointment, + hopefully some good times. So you'd better make sure you read that! Review on likes, dislikes, queries, you know the drill.**

**Lots of love, You know you love me, XOXO**

**P.s. I have a blog. So go and read it, it saves me having to write long and rambly nothingness in my author notes. Link on da prof. Merci et bon soir.  
**


	12. Shooting Star

**Thanks everyone for everything! I love you all, especially Julia for being a kickass beta so you don't have to read badly edited shit. Word.**

**Song: Shooting Star-** Air Traffic

**BPOV**

Week twelve.

Well actually week twelve and four days, but it was still the twelfth week so I guess that's all that really mattered.

I can officially no longer wear skinny jeans.

I prayed the day would never come but inevitably it did. Hammy and I had a ceremony where I said a few words and shed a few silent tears before folding them all up and putting them away. That was a sad, sad day. Unfortunately my faux bump was no longer 'faux'. It was no longer just bloat; there was a definite rounding to my stomach. It kinda came out of nowhere and it actually wasn't that noticeable since I tended to wear loose clothing. Rose said I was a bit smaller than she was the first time. Except she was expecting twins and I wasn't. I was just fat. So that made me feel really good about myself... cough.

But alas, the twelfth week meant I was back in the dreaded clinic for another appointment. I was glad I only had to have one roughly once a month because I was seriously beginning to hate this place. Everything was so clean, and I like clean, but I was scared of touching anything here in case I... did something.

I hated that there were pictures and posters and pamphlets everywhere reminding you of all the downsides to pregnancy. Them being: all the different things you have to remember to do- take pills, foods you can and can't eat etc, getting fat and stretch marks, cravings, depression, complications, symptoms. And then the 'L' word I couldn't even bring myself to think about never mind say. It didn't help that from where I was sitting I could see the damn word on five different things.

I mean, why do I want to see pictures of vagina's and wombs everywhere? Is it supposed to be interesting? Is it supposed to be reassuring because every time I see them I just get anxious? Are they mocking me? What is the purpose of them? All I see is a picture that's saying, '_So, this is roughly the size of your vagina, and this is the size of a baby... Have fun with that!_'

Well isn't Mother Nature a bitch. Why do that? If a baby is _supposed_ to come out there, you would have thought the least she could do is make the damn hole big enough to begin with! But then a gaping hole down below would not be attractive... I bet pregnancy would be a lot less common if that was actually the case.

I really didn't want to be here today though. I had to have two damn blood tests today. _Two_. Just the thought was making me feel slightly nauseous; I cannot handle blood, at all. The good news was, Edward was with me and Edward was just lovely, he really was. Yes he sometimes made comments and jokes I didn't get and seemed to enjoy taking the piss out of me, but on the whole, he was a good man. Although if I was being totally honest, I was still pretty bugged about that text he got which was so stupid because it didn't have anything to do with me. At all. And it was ages ago now, _geez, move on!_

It did however change my perception of him a bit. I suppose he was just proving the point that no one's perfect, despite how lovely they may appear on the outside, despite the bags of food they carry to hungry pregnant women, despite the light that bounces off of them seemingly covering their whole body with a halo, no one's perfect.

I watched him as he tapped his foot on the floor. Even in his well pressed suit with his expensive shoes and watch, even though he had a big ass house and a really well paid job, he was frowning. I don't think he realised I was watching him and it was more of a subconscious frown but it really marred his face. I had to resist the urge to lean over and wipe my finger across his brow to smoothen it out. I'm sure Edward had his problems, just like the rest of the world. I could tell he did, he just seemed to be better at hiding them then I was.

"Are you ok?" He snapped out of his daze, his frown instantly disappearing and nicely replaced with a smile. This was just like the last time; his smile didn't reach his eyes like a smile should.

"I'm great." His smile widened a bit as if he was trying to reassure me. Whatever was bugging him wasn't immediately evident in his eyes, it seemed quite distant, right at the very back, so I let it drop. I wondered if he even realised something was bothering him...

I shrugged my shoulders but didn't look away from his eyes, "You just seemed a bit... I don't know."

"Don't worry about me, Bella." He chuckled, "What about you? Are you ok?"

"No." I answered honestly, adding a small laugh when I saw Edward's face turn serious, "Blood tests." I nodded and he relaxed a bit, "I can't handle needles. Or blood. Don't be surprised if I faint, or cry, or both. I think I'll probably cry. I'm really pathetic." I laugh sighed and shook my head.

That was no exaggeration, I really was expecting tears. When I was a little girl, it didn't matter that I would cry. Everyone cried, it was totally normal. I'm twenty four, I still cry, I don't think that's so normal...

"It'll be fine, and I'll be there anyway so you can hold my hand if you get scared." He teased. I don't think he realised how serious I was being. Of course I made it completely obvious that I was in no way exaggerating when I held his hand in a death grip as soon as we entered the room and the nurse said 'blood'.

They decided on doing all the usual checks first so I let go of Edwards hand, much to his relief. I could see him frowning and stretching it out in the corner of my eye, mumbling something like "If she's squeezes that hard over a blood test..." and then shaking it out. I blushed and whispered an apology.

Everything else seemed ok, my blood pressure was a bit higher than normal but not high enough to be of any concern, my pee was all good, turns out I hadn't put on as much weight as I thought I had. So I just had the ultrasound, which was the bit I knew Edward would be getting excited over. I was as well even though I told myself not to.

The technician who Edward had come to call 'Techy', I don't know if he just forgot her name or something, not that Anna is that hard to remember, came in and set everything up. My stomach was out, the gel was cold and there on the monitor along with a muffled heartbeat was Beanie (which is what I'd come to call it in my mind seeing as it looked like a bean.) Except it really didn't look like a bean anymore. It had arms and legs that you could see. It had fingers and toes. Its eyes were in the right place and its ears as well. It was alive, it was a baby and it was really there. And it actually looked like a baby, not quite _there_ yet, but we were only at twelve weeks.

At first I smiled. And then I frowned. And then I thought what the fuck. What the fuck am I doing here? Seriously, do I actually have any idea what I plan to do now? Because I don't think I do. Ok, adoption or keep the baby. It was seemingly easy to begin with, I couldn't have a baby, I was going with adoption. But I really need to weigh this out in my head. I mean _really_ actually think about this. Think so hard that my brain hurts because this is kind of a big deal. Kind of a huge deal.

It's not fair on the adoption people if I'm building up their hopes and knocking them down again. It's not fair on Edward to do the same. It's not fair on me to look at this freakin' monitor and want to be happy, want to gush over, want to grow attached only to remember it's not for me. I need to know for definite whether or not to detach myself completely because currently I was hanging on by a string. Despite my best efforts to cut that damn string, I was still holding on.

I turned my head from the monitor and instead I looked at Edward. Anna was talking about something or other but I didn't catch what it was, I just lay on the bed watching Edward. Watching his stupidly goofy grin as he stared at the monitor. He was totally absorbed in everything and I found it was a much better experience watching his reactions than actually having my own. Simply because my own just caused my confusion, as if there wasn't enough already. I wanted to see it the way Edward did. I really did, he didn't have all these annoying thoughts in his head, he simply saw baby. That was it.

I really thought the voice in my head that said, "_Make up your mind dickhead, this is somebody's life here!_" would have forced me into some decision already. That I would be totally one hundred and twenty one percent sure of what I was doing, why I was doing it and all the rest. But I wasn't and that pissed me off, made me upset and just more confused.

So fucking confused.

**EPOV**

I'd had a good couple weeks. Jasper literally owns me until whenever the hell he wants for _the _best birthday present I have ever received in my life. He almost had me, a grown man, reduced to tears. I joke you not. I couldn't give a shit if it was second hand or that he'd only gotten a hold of it because his grandmother was moving house and needed to rid of a few things. Why the hell she would want to get rid of such a thing of beauty was beyond me. But then, Jasper had given it to me. Man, he is so going to the top of my Christmas card list this year. He got downgraded a bit after the whole she-man stripper incident. Not pretty.

I woke up one grey morning to find the most gorgeous nineteenth century piano being wheeled into the drawing room and Jasper casually leaning on it. As you do. Well, I think the cleaners would have been happy that day seeing as my mouth was gaping so wide my jaw was practically sweeping the floor. _My _piano was at my parent's home in Forks. Tanya had never been fond of them and so I never had one in the house. But I fucking missed it. Every fiber of my body longed to play it. It had been too long. Needless to say, I sat and played it continuously all day. Olivia sat on my lap for a good hour, I didn't know a five year could even sit still for that long, but I stopped for nothing.

I just closed my eyes and let my fingers go where they wanted. And it was. So. Fucking. Good. I felt so liberated, I felt so happy, I felt so... me.

Jasper reminded me he had another present but I wouldn't be getting that one for a while. Honestly, I didn't care. I don't think he could ever, _ever_ top this. He seemed pretty smug though as he left, this was after he searched the entire house for 'something he left here that one time...' He was blatantly looking for Alice. I just told him she was at home and he tried to make a smart-ass comment and failed because I saw straight through him. Dipshit.

Bella actually called a few times as well. I think the awkwardness of the near-kiss-not-kiss was over now so that was good. She said she got a weird fortune from the fortune cookie I left for her. I said I did too; mine was '_More grows in the garden than that which was planted there_'. It was funny, we didn't actually tell each other what our fortunes were, only that they were weird. I wondered what hers might have been, but then from my experience with fortune cookies, it really could have been anything.

On the baby front, there wasn't much I could really say to persuade her anymore than I had, only I recognised a difference when she spoke about it. She wasn't so sure anymore, I'm not sure what of exactly; I just hoped it was the adoption. Talking too much about it just seemed to stress her out though, so I kept things light and we just spoke about our day and other things. Once you got past the blushing and stuttering and general shyness, Bella was quite articulate and funny. Although sometimes sarcastic, she was easy to talk to, she was sweet and caring and just... lovely.

So come appointment day and I was as pumped up as I was the first time, even more so this time, both to see if she was ok and because ultrasounds made me giddy, I'm not going to lie. I was one of those dads who wet themselves over these things and then had a heart attack whenever anything wasn't perfect. So of course I began mildly panicking when she was told her blood pressure was a little high- for her. I don't know why I got to shifty about it, I knew that it was fine but it was the way the nurse said it and then how Bella reacted. It was like they were both concerned about something but no one was telling me...

I quickly forgot about this once baby was on screen. My god. I could have squealed like a little girl, I swear this feeling never goes. I remember being like this with Olivia too. I didn't squeal, I just goofed as per. I couldn't stop smiling, it's all so amazing and in just over four weeks it had gone from a bean to a baby. It was incredible, Bella really was lucky I didn't get philosophical on her ass about the miracle of life and shit because I really was so close. I'm sure Techy wouldn't have minded (still don't remember her name...) she laughs at everything I say, even when it's not funny.

I was, once again, lost in the picture on the monitor. Only by chance (I think I blinked) did I realise Bella was looking at me and not the monitor. I smiled at her and then glanced back to it again,

"It's so... amazing." I said quietly. Amazing, amazing, yes it was amazing but was I really lacking in better words? I need to buy a thesaurus...

In my peripheral vision I saw her smile and nod but she didn't turn back to look, she remained quietly staring at me. After a minute or so of her looking at me, I looked back at her. She sighed but again she didn't look. Techy was saying the heartbeat was a healthy one hundred and sixty one beats per minute, but for as long as the picture was on the monitor, Bella didn't look at it, she just looked at me. I tilted my head the way you do when you just don't understand. And I didn't get it. Why was she looking at me?

I didn't ask. As soon as the picture was printed and the monitor was off she looked back again and asked Techy a few questions. After that she was normal again and she stopped the blood circulation going to my fingers when she had her blood test taken. I mean fucking hell, the woman was strong! It was hard to stop myself from crying whilst trying to distract her from crying. She ended up telling me, through clenched teeth and shut eyes, how her brother once convinced her to hide in a suitcase and let him push it down the stairs, and how he made her eat marshmallows dipped in Tabasco sauce. She said she cried and got sick but she still thought he was the greatest person ever. Apparently he bought her a toy dog after that because he felt bad.

I laughed at her stories despite the fact she was telling them really quickly and hissing when the needle was put into her vein, her voice getting slightly higher after that until it was taken out again only to have the process repeated.

"Is it over now?" She asked, her eyes still shut tightly, my hand still tightly in her grasp.

"Yes it is." I chuckled as she slowly opened one eye and then the other, she didn't let go of my hand though.

"I hate needles. I have a low pain threshold. Huh, I have a low pain tolerance, I hate needles and faint at the sight of blood... I'm going have a rave when I go into la-... when I go into la-..." She frowned and sighed.

"When you go into labour?" I finished and she nodded, releasing my hand, "Luckily for you, and for me, you have what, another twenty seven weeks? You're all good for now." I chuckled as she quickly pulled her sleeve down and I tried to get blood going back to my fingers.

"Sorry..." She said timidly as she watched me. I told her it was nothing although I was still crying on the inside._ My poor hand! It was my good one as well. Mini-E isn't getting any loving tonight..._

In total, we spent about two hours at the clinic, by the time we got out, it was quarter to two and Bella had just gone into post-appointment depression. Similar to the last appointment, she just spaced out completely and generally seemed down. I didn't understand why, she was so confusing. But confusion or no confusion, she wasn't allowed to be depressed any more. I made that rule up; I just might have forgotten to tell her.

We were walking back to her apartment when I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, much to the annoyance of those behind and those coming towards me. Bella was so far in her cloud of doom and gloom she walked another ten yards before realising she was walking alone. She then looked around to see where I was.

"Edward what are you doing?" she sounded just as depleted as she looked as she slowly back tracked until she was standing in front of me.

I frowned down at her as she stood there all mopey and down and bleh. I didn't understand why she got like this but I didn't need to understand right now, I just needed to make it better... if I could. Passers by were giving us dirty looks as they made their way around occasionally brushing shoulders, "Why so sad?" I asked and she shrugged.

"I don't know. Just worrying about the blood tests I guess. Can we keep walking?"

Wrong answer, it may have been partly true, but that wasn't it. I raised an eyebrow. I couldn't take this sad face she had on. It made me want to sit her down in the middle of the sidewalk and tell me exactly what it was that was bugging her. I was going to have to do that sometime, just not on the sidewalk.

I sighed and smiled, taking her hand and dragging her to the roadside where I waved over a cab, "You're not a horse so you could do without the long face."

"Where are we going?"

"Mm, I'm not sure yet... I'll figure something out while we're driving." I opened the cab door and went to get inside,

"But I've got to be somewhere at four thirty." She said twisting her mouth a little, I smiled and looked at my watch,

"Well it's two, we've got plenty of time."

"I don't know..."

I rolled my eyes and just tugged on her hand anyway. I wasn't sure what exactly I was planning but I wasn't taking no for an answer. "Bella, just get in the taxi."

**BPOV**

I didn't know what Edward was up to but I just went with it. I had the impression I didn't have that much of a choice anyway, although I wasn't depressed. I was just thinking about things... ok, a bit down maybe but not depressed. I had plans to see Jasper for his photo thing at four thirty. I'd already been to see him once at his studio; he took a few head shots but nothing of my stomach seeing as at the time there was nothing but flab and general nothingness. I'm sure he'd be happy to see that I'd out a bit recently. I really had the feeling that by the end of this, I was going to be huge. We just talked mainly for a couple hours, I found myself surprisingly at ease with him. Normally I just freak out and don't say anything, but we actually had a conversation about everything and we talked art. Oh my god, I loved that so much, Jasper knows art better than I do but it was so nice to be able to discuss it with someone again, kinda made me realise how much I miss it...

I don't know where exactly Edward had told the taxi driver to go, but about five minutes into the journey he got a phone call from Alice and we had to detour via his house. I didn't mind so much other than as soon as we walked in, he left me in the kitchen and went running up to his study. I sat at the island rather awkwardly watching a woman making cupcakes whilst humming a soft tune. I recognised the melody but I couldn't place it which just got annoying after a while.

She looked up at me a couple of times and smiled while she whisked the ingredients together before dipping her finger in and giving it a taste, "Hm... it needs something else..." She frowned and walked around the kitchen opening various cupboards but not finding what it was she was looking for.

Alice sauntered in then, giving the lady a weird look, "Meg, what are you doing?" She leant over the island watching her just like I was.

"Cake mix. It needs something else, but I don't know what. Just something small, just a pinch..."

Alice walked towards the mix and put her finger in, popping it into to her mouth, "Why don't you ask Bella, she can cook. She won Little Miss Cake'n'Bake when she was ten. She might know something." She smiled before sitting down next to me.

I must have given her a look that said _how the fuck do you know that?!_ Because she then added, "I had a background check done on you. Just to be safe, but don't worry you're a good girl. But yeah, that came up."

I don't know if I was more concerned that Alice had done a background check on me or that when I was searched it came up with that stupid cooking contest. I must say though, I was so proud of myself when I won; I worked so hard on those damn cupcakes... I remember I'd made a gazillion batches because Emmett, who was home from college, kept on adding weird stuff or forgetting to tell me when they were done so they burnt or _something_. If I didn't know better, I'd say it was sabotage.

Alice went to put her hand in the mixing bowl again only to have it slapped away by Meg, "Here taste some." I hesitantly put a finger in and then to my mouth. It was sweet and flavoursome but there was definitely something missing.

"Um... maybe some nutmeg? Just a bit... I don't know..." Both Alice and I quietly watched again as Meg began rummaging around for some nutmeg, finally finding it and adding it to the mixture.

"Ah yes, that's it. Thank you Bella." She winked at me before equally dividing it into cases and putting them to cook in the oven. Well she seemed like a nice person, I like nice people. Nice people are nice. Nice people don't want to eat me. I don't think anyone wants to eat me actually. I hope not. Well you never know, there are some real weirdo's out there...

"Oh yes, Bella's great at helping you, it's a shame no one can help me with _my_ troubles." Alice let out an exasperated and rather overly dramatic sigh as she put her hand across her forehead. Meg just rolled her eyes and went about cleaning up.

Alice sighed again but I didn't know what the fuck I was supposed to do about it, she was just making me feel awkward. She sighed again and I began fiddling with my fingers to distract myself. But she did it again, and again and then actually said "Sigh." I didn't know what it was she was doing, in fact, for a while I wondered if maybe I was just hearing things and this pregnancy was doing weird things to my hearing because Meg was totally ignoring her.

"Oh for gods sake! Edward told me to be friendly, I'm being friendly Bella. How on earth are we supposed to be "friends" when you don't ask me what's wrong? Something is _obviously_ bothering me here and it's not just your clothing, nice try though." I looked down at myself. I thought I looked pretty good today but apparently not.

"Um. Sorry? Uh... are you alright?" she rolled her eyes and sighed again although this time it was less dramatic and I think it was more at my inability to recognise her hints more than whatever was actually annoying her. I looked over at Meg who was laughing quietly and checking on her cakes.

"No. I'm not alright. I'm having man troubles. Men are so hard to figure out."

"Oh..." God, I've never been great at these 'girly talks' never mind giving advice. Who would want advice from me anyway? My first and probably last boyfriend left me, I dropped out of college, I live alone with my cat, I work in a candy shop and I've been knocked up by a one night stand who will not let me be.

"Yes, oh. You know Jasper right? Well, yeah, it sounds so pathetic but I really like him. I think he likes me too, it's just we never do anything about it. We just giggle around each other like we're seventeen again but nothing happens. And since we're not 'a thing' I know he goes out and probably sees other women. But we're not in high school anymore and I don't want to be just another fling. I don't do one night stands - no offence."

Woah, woah, woah, hold your pretty horses. _No offence?_ That was just one time! Did she think this was a regular thing for me? Because it wasn't! I don't do one night stands either. Do I look like someone who does? I currently have little-to-no social life. I make brownies when I'm bored. I have a collection of weirdly drawn cats. I cry when the homeless man plays his violin. My best friend outside my family_ is_ my cat for fucks sake! So yeah, I'm taking offence!

"But I just don't know what's going on. It's annoying and confusing. I hate not knowing what's going on, I hate not knowing where I stand."

I tried to bat down angry Bella, who was very insulted by her last statement and was seething at how little she must have thought of me, and instead letting reasonable and mild Bella do the talking. That was good because angry Bella was using cusses I'm not even sure were real. What the hell is a "_fucking mooface_"?

"Uh. Well, have you told him this because that might be a good place to start?"

"No, I haven't told him... I'm just not sure if-" Edward's voice from upstairs cut her off as he asked where some papers were.

"Edward if you haven't signed that stuff already I'm going to be pissed. I have to fax it through in... oh my god, five minutes! Sorry Bella, I'm sure we can get back to this some other time. On top of annoying and confusing, apparently men are incompetent morons who are unable to do things themselves."

She said the last bit louder as she headed towards the door and I heard Edward say something about it not being his fault and how she gave him a lot of papers at once.

Once again I was left in the kitchen with Meg. It wasn't so awkward now as it seemed we shared a love of cooking, so we had something to talk about. She asked me how I knew Edward and I told her it was through my sister-in-law which was true. Sort of. I wasn't sure how much detail I was willing or able to share so I just left it like that and changed the subject back to the decoration of her cupcakes which were now cooling.

"...and she says she really likes when I put glittery sprinkles on so I do because I just love her smile. Really, I think she's actually a manipulative, evil master mind hidden inside a five years olds body because she just has everyone wrapped around her pretty little finger. You should see Phil, she owns his ass. The man follows her around like her dog or something."

Meg's face lit up a little while she talked of Edward's daughter, laughing as she added sparkly sprinkles to the now pink iced cupcakes and smiled at her creations. I found myself smiling as well as she told me stories about when Edward had sat her on the stairs as a punishment for being rude and she'd keep getting up, and she'd be sat back down but for longer each time she did, so she finally gave in and sat there for fifteen minutes singing about sitting on the stairs singing a song.

I don't know why Meg found that so amusing but she did and gave a hearty chuckle. I found myself smiling as well for reasons I'm not really sure, I just was. She finally stopped laughing and frowned a bit, "It's a shame really, everyone else can see how wonderful she is apart from her mother. She never _got it_, you know?" She sighed, "And now she's missing out..."

She smiled and handed me a finished cake. I was going to be a bit nosey and ask her what she meant when there was a noise coming from the foyer, voices talking and then the sound of small feet moving quickly on the marble floor. Just underneath the island counter I could make out the top of some strawberry blonde hair, which was a little more blonde now than strawberry, coming round. I knew it was Olivia.

"Meggy, I made you a picture today, it's got you and lots of cake and nice things 'cause you make cakes and nice things. But it's not finished yet so you can't look." She didn't see me as she clambered up onto a chair and then kneeled on it, putting her small Disney princess back pack onto the work surface, along with a white rabbit, and pulling out of it a picture and colouring pencils.

"Did you have a nice day at school, sweetheart? You're off for summer now aren't you." Meg asked rolling her eyes at me playfully as she put a cake in front of Olivia.

"Mm... yes. It was really hot today. Ah yes, the cakes have sprinkles like fairy dust! I'm going to make a wish." She held the cupcake in both hands and sat with her eyes squeezed shut and her mouth moving just a bit as she muttered her wish under her breath. When she was done she smiled and began eating it.

"What did you wish for?" Meg asked, leaning over the breakfast bar, gazing at her. It was quite amazing to see the pure adoration in her eyes for this little girl that wasn't even hers. I found I was looking at her too with silent admiration, she really was stunning. You could see bits of Edward in her and I focussed mainly on those bits although she insisted she looked more like her mother. Since I don't know what her mother looks like, I just saw Edward. It made me wonder whether our baby would look like him or like me or someone else entirely...

"I can't tell you. Or else it won't come true. It had something to do with d-" She stopped mid bite as her wide blue eyes wandered the room and landed on me. She put the cake down and titled her head as she stared at me. I felt the blush fill my cheeks, how pathetic, but I was feeling really damn intimidated right now. By a five year old. Shame on me.

I tried averting my eyes from hers but every time I glanced back up she was still staring at me. I forgot that at this age, children hadn't quite got a grasp on shame and what made people feel uncomfortable. I don't think she realised that this endless staring had me on the verge of hyperventilating, I couldn't tell if she was sizing me up, if she hated me, if she didn't hate me. I don't think she hated me, she was nice when she came to get sweets from the shop. She liked me then. But that was then and this was now. I'm not candy shop Bella right now; I'm just awkward pregnant Bella. Damnit.

"What are you doing here?" She asked eventually, taking another bite of her cake but never looking away from me. She hadn't asked me in a rude way, just a genuinely curious way. Meg apparently saw it as rude though, probably from how uneasy I looked.

"Olivia!" She chided.

"What? I'm not being rude I'm just asking." Meg hummed and gave her a warning glance before she looked between the two of us.

"I don't think Bella has to explain to you what she's doing here Missy. She came with your father anyway, but he's upstairs doing some work real quick for Ali." Olivia looked as if she was considering this for a second before nodding and picking up colouring pencils to draw again.

I relaxed internally seeing as I was no longer under the spotlight. Or at least I thought I was safe. But I wasn't, there was more, "You and my daddy are friends, right?" she asked me.

"Um, yes. I guess we are... yeah, we are." I decided to eat some of my cake to hide the fact I couldn't breathe properly. I didn't cope well being interrogated.

"So you like him if you're friends." This was more of a statement than a question but I felt the need to answer it anyway.

"Yes..." She nodded and then started humming to herself, picking bits of her cake and muttering things to her toy rabbit.

"Mr Bunny wants to know what your detentions are with daddy." Detentions? Meg looked just as confused as I did but then laughed.

"Oh honey, I think you've been watching too much TV. Detentions? I think you mean _in_tentions." Olivia thought for a minute and then smiled.

"Yeah! Intentions. What are your intentions?" Meg started laughing but I didn't get it, whatever program or film she was referring to here, I hadn't seen.

And how the hell was I supposed to answer this? My intentions?! Did I even have intentions?! I wasn't planning anything? What did she want me to say? How much did she know already? I don't think she knew much, Edward and I decided that until I had come to a final conclusion, he wouldn't say much on the topic of my pregnancy to her other than I was pregnant. I don't even know if she knew that though.

"Um. I don't... uh..." Oh shit, my face was burning now I could feel it. This wasn't helped by the fact Meg was laughing and Olivia was still looking deadly serious. I didn't know what to say. I don't think I had any intentions. I was however pregnant with her father's child but that was by no intention of mine.

"Do you plan on marrying him? Or are you going to just be friends? I wouldn't mind if you married him because you're pretty and you gave me nice candy." She smiled again, this time at me and Meg almost fell over herself laughing. I'm glad someone was finding this funny because I wasn't. "He's not married to my mummy any more so it would be ok."

"I don't have any plans... to marry him? I just... um, I don't think-" My words were just melting together to form a stuttering mess, I thanked all that was holy when Edward came in and cut me short, I didn't have a clue what I was saying anyway.

"Ok, I'm done we can go Bella." He looked at me and then Meg who was still in fits and then Olivia who was beaming at him, "...What's going on in here?" He asked suspiciously giving everyone another once over. Olivia literally launched herself at him as soon as he came in. To be honest I was tempted to do the same just to thank him for saving me from god knows what else.

I visibly relaxed this time, sighing and slumping a little. Meg reached over and tapped on my hand with a slightly apologetic smile on her face. She had much to be sorry for, she didn't attempt to save me there! Left me to the lions. And I thought we could have been friends...

"Olivia, what did you do to Bella?" he glanced up at me and I was sure I was just as clueless as he was, I didn't have a clue what just went on there. Apparently I'd been given permission to marry him if I wanted to. _Well thank god for that! That was the biggest worry on my list of problems, glad I've got that one cleared up. Phew!_

"I didn't do anything. Are we still going to the park? Mr Bunny's been looking forward to it alllll day. You said we could." She smiled widely at him and then made the bunny rabbit, which I noticed rarely left her hand, wave at him. Edward put her down and sighed rubbing a hand on his brow.

"I did, didn't I. Uh..." He thought for a minute, clearly he'd forgotten this when he said we'd do something. But we could do something another time, it didn't bother me. It was his idea anyway, not mine. "Well then if I said we would, I guess we will. Go up and change out of your uniform."

"Is Bella coming?" She said and Edward looked over at me before smiling and shrugging his shoulders.

"I don't know. Bella can come if she wants to come. Have you asked her?" She shook her head and turned around to face me,

"Bella, do you want to come to the park with me and daddy?"

"Daddy and I." Edward corrected her quietly.

"Daddy and I." She repeated and then waited for my reply. I just looked between the two of them for a second and then I looked at Meg, and then back to Olivia. I couldn't tell if this was a trick question or something... but then why would a five year want to trick me into? I think I'm just paranoid now.

"Um. Yes, I'd love to." I said shyly offering her a small smile to which she returned with one of her wide, beautiful ones. She so got that from Edward, I could see why people were so willing to do things just to see it. What a lovely little girl. Maybe I would be ok and she wouldn't try and hunt me down and kill me in my sleep for being in her kitchen unannounced. _Can five year olds do that?_

She came over to me and took my hand pulling me from my chair, "Don't worry, I know my daddy's big and scary but I promise he'll be nice. You can help me pick out clothes, then we can get some ice-cream and we can plan your marriage! I'm going to marry you in a castle." She pulled me out towards the door with Edward giving us a mildly amused bust mostly confused look.

"What marriage?" He asked and Olivia rolled her eyes.

"_Your _marriage. You're going to marry Bella. In a castle."

"Right..." He laughed and I just shook my head because I had no idea what was going on. She lost me at 'What are you doing here?' and that was ages ago...

**Slowly but surely, we're getting somewhere! Ok, I would just like to tell you to go and read two stories.**

**'Untouched' by TheNomadSoulmate: **http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5193045/1/Untouched**- Continuethestory told me to read this and oh my god I pissed myself, it's so funny, it's got a bit of angst, and recently some hot stuff too, so go and read it!**

**'A Stable Romance' by Iadorepugs: **http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5120983/1/A_Stable_Romance- **I didn't think I'd be into a horsey fic, but my god it's good, and also I don't think I've ever actually *swooned* at the thought of Edward in a fic so much. Really, Edward in breeches!! NEED I SAY MORE? GO AND READ IT! + she's a fanfic friend of mine and she helps feed my RPattz addiction which makes her a good person!**

**Ok, I hope you like MY story (HAHAHA) please review and the usual, ok, if you review I PROMISE I'll send you a teaser of the next chapter, deal?**

**You know you love me, XOXO  
**


	13. Lump Sum

**Sorry this is so late, also sorry to those I didn't give a teaser to and sorry to those I did because guess what, a lot of things went on in my head and that teaser I gave you isn't until next chapter haha. Ok, so much love to Julia who beta's for me and keeps me up until ridiculous times in the night/morning (ooh that sounds sort of suggestive... I think it should do) she keeps everything running smoothly so we love her. Thank you all so much for reading this and reviewing, I really appreciate it.  
**

**On the writing front, I think I'm back on track which is good news. So here's your chapter...**

**Song: Lump Sum- **Bon Iver (Bon Iver pwns my heart and soul, BIG TIME)

**EPOV**

Walking through central park with Bella and Olivia was definitely an experience; one that hardly involved me. I was just _that guy_ following them around. I couldn't believe how much Olivia was ignoring me; I really was just the guy paying for her ice cream. And she got strawberry sauce with extra sprinkles- the nerve.

Bella kept on giving me slightly apprehensive glances each time Olivia started with another round of questions and then asked her to watch while she attempted, and failed, a cartwheel. I have to admit, it was really cute and Bella and I both congratulated her on her attempt. The cartwheel was something I never quite mastered as a child and Olivia's attempts were certainly better than mine. I looked more like an epileptic frog having an episode. Gymnastics were clearly not my forte.

"...And there's going to be cake that Meg's making, and balloons, and games, and fun stuff, and my friends, and we all get to dress up as princesses! But daddy has to be a prince because he's a boy." _Huh, well maybe I could be the Queen..._ "So will you come? Alice will send you an invite and everything."

Olivia was currently trying to persuade Bella to come to her birthday party in a couple weeks, it wasn't looking like she was convincing her though, "Hm, well it sounds really good... but I don't know if I can come."

Her peachy face fell a little and her bottom lip pouted out, "Please? It will be good, I promise, you don't even have to get me a present or anything. Daddy thinks it'll be good." She looked over to me as if I were supposed to back her up or something, not that I knew anything about this party, Olivia and Alice had planned it all apparently.

"Oh right, yeah, oh yeah, it's going to be so good... I think. Pink and fluffy stuff and little people and princesses and leprechauns..."

"No leprechauns!" Olivia corrected.

"Sorry, no leprechauns. And I get to be a prince. What's not to love? You don't want to miss that."

"Yep, you don't want to miss it!"

We were walking down towards the lake with Olivia bouncing around all over the place. It was bad enough she was already an excitable child but now she'd had cake, chocolate Phil had given her, ice cream with strawberry sauce and sprinkles in her system I was beginning to fear for the worst. Hyperactivity I could deal with, the temper tantrums that usually followed and the crying for no reason once it'd worn off, I could not. I would have been telling her to calm down but Bella was grinning at me and it was off putting.

She had a beautiful smile; it's a shame that I hadn't seen it much, so my automatic response was to smile back. And all the smiling just made Olivia smile and bound around a bit more, and her bounding around like a rabbit on crack only made Bella and I smile even more.

"You know, you're kinda tiring to watch. You're so... full of energy." After keeping up for a respectable forty five minutes, it seemed the energetic pace Olivia had set was beginning to take its toll on Bella. I frowned as she slowed, putting both hands on her hips and breathing out deeply before giggling.

"Huh, she's so full of sugar more like. Do you want to sit down?" She nodded so we moved over to where there was an empty bench and sat down. Well Bella sat and to save myself from getting too anxious, I sat next to her to check she was ok. She looked fine, just a little fatigued but she said she was just tired which was understandable.

Olivia didn't sit, she stood in front of Bella and watched with her head cocked to the side as I asked again whether we should just head back or not, "Edward seriously, I'm just tired, I get this everyday... except today I've probably done more exercise than normal."

"You're not _that_ old, are you?" she looked up at the now curious little girl and smiled,

"Well, I'm twenty four... I don't think that's too old."

As she shook her head Olivia's strawberry blonde hair, that was looking more blonde these days than strawberry, blew about in the cool breeze, making wisps flicker into her face. The more I looked at her, the more I could see Tanya's traits in her. Her hair, her eyes, although they were a bit greener instead of the usual light blue, even bits of her personality. She could get very impatient although she had a good heart and always meant well. Unlike Tanya, there wasn't a spiteful bone in her little body, thank god.

"Well my daddy's older than that... so why are you tired? Did you not sleep good last night?"

"No... I had a good nights sleep..."

"Mm, have you done lots of stuff today?" she continued to question.

"Um, not really."

"So... why are you tired?"

I'd been watching Bella fidgeting with her clothing so I wasn't really paying attention to the conversation. I swear the woman had ants in her pants or something; she rarely just sat still. I was really bloody tempted to hold her hands so she would just stop. When she looked up at me seemingly searching my face for something to say, I simply answered without much thought, I was too distracted by her, "She gets tired a lot because she's pregnant."

I mentally sighed as I looked to my daughter who was now looking at Bella with a pout, _here come the questions_. Bella looked as if she knew it too and gave me a weird look before turning back with a small smile. Well fuck me for saying so, geez, she was going to be told anyway.

"You're going to have a baby?" Bella nodded slowly. And Christ almighty, Olivia really wasn't fucking subtle about anything; she came closer and leaned forward, narrowing her eyes at Bella's stomach, "It doesn't look like it." For a second I thought she might poke her or something just to prove her point, but thank fuck she didn't.

"That's because it's still really small, but look..." Removing the grey cardigan she had on, Bella pulled together the material of her t-shirt at the back, making the material taut against her body. And sure enough, there was her bump. I'd seen it at earlier today, but it felt different looking at her now. We weren't in the clinic and she still looked pregnant. Back out in the real world Bella really was pregnant. For real.

Shit, why did it feel like I'd only just realised this now?

"See. It is there." She looked down at herself, tilting her head this way and that just as Olivia did and I sort of was as well. We must have looked so strange to all the people passing by, but screw them.

"Oh yeah! I see." It was strange that I could actually see the rounding of Bella's stomach now, when she let go o the top, the loose material easily disguised it. If you didn't know any better it could easily be confused with bloating or perhaps eating a few more pies than necessary.

"I didn't know you were married already..." Olivia took both of Bella's hands, turning them over before looking up completely bewildered, "How comes you're not wearing a ring?"

"Because... I'm not married."

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

Bella shifted nervously, her eyes flitting towards me and then back to Olivia and then the floor and then something else entirely, "Um... no. No... I don't."

I suddenly became aware of their conversation again. I don't know what was up with me but I really should have been paying more fucking attention. And now that I was, I couldn't help but think this was bloody awkward. And it really was. I could see the clogs slowly churning in my daughters head; as far as she knew, or at least as far as I knew she knew, people only had babies when they were married or in love, so this wasn't really adding up...

And for now it didn't need to add up... or maybe it should? Or maybe it shouldn't. Not _right _now, we were in the park. Oh fucking hell.

Bella was looking at me like she didn't know what the fuck it was she was supposed to say next, Olivia was looking at her still trying to figure this out but getting no where, and I was just sitting there like a moron because I was too engulfed in the ever so slight rounding of Bella's stomach. _Really is amazing though... no wait, sort this out dipshit!_

After taking another glance at Bella who might as well have been spinning in a circle with her hands pulling at her hair (she really wasn't good at hiding the '_I have no idea what to fucking say'_ thing), I stepped in. Bella really looked on the verge of a breakdown or something, like she hadn't planned this and she was just going to fall to Olivia's feet in hysterics and sob her apologies of how she'd ruined her life or some crazy shit like that. Olivia wouldn't even get it, she's five.

"Darling, you do know that people can have a baby at any time, right? They don't actually have to be... boyfriend or girlfriend or married or anything."

"Anytime?" Olivia looked down at her own stomach and poked it before frowning, "Then could I get pregnant? That would be really fun."

... I had to mentally slap myself, "No, _you_ can't, you have to be grown up. And it doesn't just _happen_. Things have to... take place in order for it to get there." And now I wanted to shut the fuck up because this was slowly morphing into another question here... Olivia didn't say anything though, she twisted her mouth and frowned a bit before staring at Bella again. I tried to make conversation, small talk, anything, I just wanted to move off of this subject asap.

This was working, Bella was saying something about her cat but it seemed Olivia hadn't come to the conclusion she had hoped, "How?"

"How did he get in the cupboard? I don't know... I just opened it and he sprang out. Nearly scared me to death." Bella laughed to herself quietly, shaking her head.

"No, how does a baby get in there?"

"In the cupboard? It wasn't a baby, it was my cat. Oh, is this a joke? Um... I'm not sure... if you put it there? No wait, let me think, mm..."

"No. How did you get a baby in your tummy?"

"Oh. OH. I, um, I, uh..." ...need to be slapped upside the head as well it seems. I couldn't help the small smile that broke out on my face as Bella went into some small state of panic, muttering a load of nonsense about nothing in particular, Olivia just watching and waiting for her answer. For her sake, and for mine, I looked at my watch and then her with false shock.

"Oh Bella, would you look at the time, didn't you say you had to be somewhere in fifteen minutes?" That wasn't even a lie, it was quarter past four. After a quick glance of her watch, she shot up and put her bag over her shoulder.

"Um... yes? Ah! Yes, oh, I'm sorry, I really have to go. Damn, I'm going to be late..." Olivia was just about to open her mouth and ask another question, she never stopped until she got an answer... of sorts. But this was one question that was not being answered right now so I threw whatever I could at her as means of distraction.

"Hey Olivia, shall we go get some more ice cream and then see the ducks?" _Ha ha ha, great decoy Edward_. Hm, yes, I thought so myself. What five year old can turn down sugary goodness and ducks? A crazy one, that's who. If she hadn't been convinced by the ice cream, the ducks certainly sealed the deal and the question was averted... for now.

Olivia was beaming and prancing around saying something about ducks and ice cream, I think she was singing, I couldn't really be sure. I also wasn't sure whether I should be giving her more sugary foods; did I really want to be adding fuel to that fire? Maybe. If it got her off of _that_ question then yes. I hadn't quite planned the birds and the bees talk, she was still five, I didn't expect it to come up yet, geez. Dammit, I should have been prepared!

"Well, I've had a lot of fun, so thanks for inviting me along." Olivia was still on her high about ducks and ice cream but managed to still herself whilst Bella said goodbye.

"Bye Bella! You should come out with us again some time, you're funny." She went to start spinning around in a circle but I caught her hand and pulled her to my side. Hyperactive? Fine. Dizzy, hyperactive and throwing up? Not fine.

Bella laughed as I looked at the buzzing little girl next to me with a raised eyebrow, "Bye, Edward. I'll call you or something." I turned my eyes away from the sugar monster next to me to the beautiful woman in front, giving her a nod and a smile as she slowly backed away. Maybe if she hadn't been staring at me and was watching where she was walking instead, she might have seen the dog walker behind her and the leash that she nearly killed herself tripping over.

"Bella!"

"I'm ok! I'm fine!" She called back, regaining her footing and apologising profusely to the dog walker who had managed to catch her before she hit the floor. Thank god. Her face flushed red, she began baking away again, waving apprehensively before shaking her head and turning to face the right way.

"Look after your baby!" Olivia shouted after her, waving her little hand in the air. Bella turned back briefly, a small smile on her face and she waved back. I stood holding my daughters hand watching her walk away until we couldn't see her at all anymore.

"Can we go get some ice cream now?" She said excitedly, jumping up and down whilst tugging on my hand. _I've created a monster_. Funny how as soon as Bella left she decided she gave a fuck about me again. You know me, Edward, her dad, the guy who buys her damn ice cream.

"Did someone say something? It's just I thought I was here with my daughter but she's been _ignoring me_ for so long, I don't know if she's here anymore."

"Daddy, I'm right here!" I looked around, purposely looking right over the top of her head and then shrugged,

"That's a shame, I was going to buy her some ice cream and everything. Guess I'll just have to eat it all myself. Oh well." I shook my head and began walking. It took all my efforts not to laugh when a horrified Olivia came dancing around me, tugging on my hand, hitting my sides and generally throwing herself about the place to get my attention.

"But daddy I want ice cream too! I'm right here!"

"I'll just have to have extra sprinkles and strawberry sauce all by myself." I sighed again as she stood in front of me and began pushing against me.

"Stop! I promise I won't ignore you anymore! I want ice cream too. With sprinkles and strawberry sauce!" I stopped and feigned surprise, looking at her like she'd just appeared out of thin air.

"Olivia? Where did you come from? I thought you were ignoring me?" She pouted and crossed her arms over her chest, sticking her tongue at me so I did the same back because that's clearly just how I roll and then she laughed.

"I do love you daddy. But I'd love you this much more if you got me ice cream."

"Just that much? Hm, I don't know, I thought you're supposed to love me to infinity and beyond? Gee thanks." God, she only put her hands out to about shoulder width as well, what the hell is that? She wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for me, she should love me to the moon and back for getting her ice cream!

I took her hand in mine, swinging it in the air, "Fine, you've persuaded me, I'll get you some. On one condition, you're not allowed to ignore me ever again." Huh, give it another five years, if that, and that one will be down the shitter.

She nodded seriously, "I promise. But I didn't mean to, I was just having fun with Bella."

I smiled at her while we walked, "Yeah, I know. I didn't mind really."

"Daddy?"

"Mhm?"

"Will Bella be ok?"

I looked down to see the top of her hair, parts of it almost glowing as the sunlight caught it from beneath the trees, "I think so, why?"

"She might be sad if she's on her own. Chloe's mommy had a baby and she said it's hard work even with the nanny. But Bella gets tired quickly and what if she doesn't have a nanny, it might be really hard and she might get sad. That wouldn't be good."

"No, that wouldn't be good. But I think she'll be ok..."

"But how do you know?" Curious blue eyes met mine, almost glittering when light hit them.

I shrugged, "I just know. And anyway, we can help her if she'd like. We'll just have to see what happens. I'm sure she has enough people around to help." She had her family, I'm sure she had friends and she had me, so, whatever she did now was really up to her. She'd definitely have enough support either way.

Olivia nodded, "Ok. It'll be ok, I think. We can help, she has Hammy too. And she's going to marry you, so it'll be fine."

I really had no idea where this whole marriage thing had come from, last time I checked, I'd said I wasn't asking Bella to marry me, but apparently we were engaged now and getting married in a castle. Fun times. I chuckled and rolled my eyes as I repeated what she'd said, "And she's going to marry me, so it will be fine."

**---**

The previous night had gone well, there were no temper tantrums, there was no shrieking and there was no driving daddy insane. Apparently Olivia had used up all her energy so she just watched some movies and ended up falling asleep on the sofa. I was silently doing a happy dance, pleased that I wouldn't have to resort to the naughty step this time. It was the next morning that there was trouble.

From seven o'clock this morning all hell had broken loose.

Mr Bunny was missing and an overly hysterical little girl was just about flooding the house with tears. I was seriously considering getting a blow up boat just so I could make my way over to her. I don't think I'd ever seen her so distraught over anything before, and god dammit I tried to console her, I tried to help her find him, I tried but nothing was working.

We'd searched her room, he wasn't there, we searched every room she could remember going in since the last time she saw him, and he wasn't anywhere. Mr Bunny was most definitely lost, maybe forever, and I really didn't want to be the one to break it to Olivia. Every single member of the house staff was looking for it and he still couldn't be found. This just left us with a very sad little girl. A very, _very_ sad little girl. Whenever anyone caught sight of her rummaging through things that had already been looked through, each time finding nothing, hearts began to break and the search stepped up a notch.

I came down the stairs just as Phil walked into the house, "Still not found him?" he asked, crossing his arms over his chest. I shook my head and sighed.

God, I look at Phil and I really feel the need to work out more. He's like I a walking Gym commercial, countless times I've just expected him to just point at me and laugh, saying something like '_Ha ha ha! You call yourself a man? You're pathetic! Look at your arms, my dick is thicker than those things!_'

Honestly, I was rather surprised he didn't have a tracking device installed into everything Olivia owned, including her. I was expecting him to whip out some sort of machine and pin point the exact whereabouts of her beloved stuffed toy. But not even Phil had any idea. And that's really saying something- to me it said 'the damn toy isn't going to b found, stop trying'. But then again Phil wasn't here yesterday when it was lost.

Olivia dragged herself over to him, her eyes red and her skin blotchy from her continuous crying. The big man bent down and picked her up, letting her hug him tightly and bury her head in his shoulder.

"Don't worry princess, we'll find him." He assured her.

"But what if we don't? What if he's lost forever and I don't know where he is and he gets scared and it's dark and he's got no friends?" she sniffled, a fresh round of tears ready to be released.

"Well where did you last have him?"

"I don't know... maybe he's at the park. We went there yesterday. By the ducks."

"Well, I'll tell you what, I'll go and have a look in a minute, sound good?" He pressed her nose and she nodded. I hated seeing my little girl look so sad, it just made everyone sad. I've never wanted to find a stuffed animal so much in my entire life.

"You don't have to go Phil, we can go later." He put Olivia back down and patted her head before casually leaning on the wall, arms crossed, muscles popping here there and everywhere.

"No really it's fine, I'm walking through there anyway because Alex has prom tonight and that kid needs me to pick something up. I swear to god, I have spent so much on him for this, Krista's prom didn't even cost me this much and she's a girl."

"I thought proms and all that happened last month or the month before?"

"Yeah, well." He shrugged, looking at his watch, "I don't know, something went on with all the juniors at his school or something so it was postponed, I have to chaperone apparently too. Anyway, I just came to see if you'd found Mr Bunny, but since you haven't I'll go have a look in the park. Where exactly were you? It's a big park." He laughed.

Olivia stood beside me now, holding my hand and quietly sniffling and generally looking like I'd just told her she'd never have ice cream, with sprinkles and strawberry sauce ever again, for as long as she lived. I looked at her and sighed, "We'll come with you, then Livvy can look everywhere she wants to look."

So we headed out to the park to look for Mr Bunny along with two of the house staff who said they wouldn't mind helping. Three hours we spent in that park. Central Park is a _big_ park. I never really took note of how big until we were dividing it up into sections to find this damn toy. We even went further than where we had actually been the previous day simply because Olivia thought maybe a dog had carried him somewhere.

Of course when we still didn't find him, she jumped to the conclusion that maybe the dog had carried him home and she'd never see him again. This just resulted in more tears. We didn't even know if there _was_ a dog involved. To be honest, I didn't think we were going to find him. In my mind this was the end, the toy was lost and she'd have to get over it eventually. I was just hoping she'd get over it soon. I couldn't take the crying anymore it was acting as a major downer on everyone. And all this crying I'm sure wasn't good for Olivia and I know it was giving me a headache, if she got too hysterical she put herself at risk of throwing up. I could deal with vomit, I just didn't want to. I don't think any sane person would. It is _not_ pretty.

Olivia was looking depleted as she struggled to come to terms with her loss, I tried everything I could to get her to smile or something but she seemed pretty convinced her life was over.

"I'm never going to smile again." She sniffled into the back of her hand as I shut the front door behind us.

"Don't say that. You _will_ smile again, we'll get you another toy."

"No, I'm never going to be happy ever, ever again. I'm going to be really sad forever. I don't even want my party now. I just want Mr Bunny."

Jesus Christ. Should I direct in the direction of the kitchen knives?

"I think you're being perhaps a little ridiculous there. You will smile again, just maybe not today." I put my keys down on the side table next to a bouquet of flowers while the mopey little girl dumped herself down on the bottom step of the stairs and crossed her arms.

"No. I won't. I never will." She murmured through her pouted lips. I just shook my head at her and tried my hardest not to laugh. Laughing really wouldn't be appreciated right now. I'm pretty sure she'd just cry and I didn't want to deal with that shit again. I didn't have my blow up boat; if she was crying, I was drowning.

"Olivia, we'll just-" The door bell went and I looked over my shoulder at the door. I couldn't see who was there seeing as you had to pass through another door before getting to the actually front door. With a raised eyebrow, I told Olivia I'd be back and went to see who was saving me, even if it was for a moment, from Miss Mopey Shit 2009.

**BPOV**

Bleh.

I was feeling bleh today. I don't know if 'bleh' is a real word, but that was how I was feeling right now. Really, really, bleh.

It wasn't a good feeling; I'd had a random bout of morning sickness when I got to Jasper's studio yesterday and then again this morning. This, along with the anxiety of what conclusions had been made by Olivia and how I'd dealt with that whole situation, resulted in me smoking a total of two and a half cigarettes. I was really pissed about that, I'd been doing so well. I suppose desperate times call for desperate measures... it didn't make me any less fucked off about it though.

Saying this, 'bleh' wasn't a bad feeling either. I got to talk to Jasper whilst he did whatever the hell he did. I don't know how the hell he was planning on getting any good photo's from me since he just left me as I was; no more make up than usual, my hair as it always was, my clothes were the same, I was just me. I just had to stand or sit or do whatever he told me to. Half the time I wasn't even conscious I was doing anything because I was too distracted by our conversation on shitty people.

Surprisingly enough, we came to the conclusion that shitty people were shitty. I told him about shitty Mike and he told me about shitty Tanya who was actually Edwards ex wife but whatever. This was the first I'd ever heard of her, Edward hadn't mentioned anything about her before other than Olivia looked more like her than him. Jasper didn't tell me much about her either, other than he didn't get involved and she was pretty shitty. It wasn't really my place to pry any further and I got the impression if I wanted to know more on the subject I'd have to bring it up with the big E himself. _Big E ha ha ha._

It made me think though. There was really so much I didn't know about Edward and so much he didn't know about me. I drifted off thinking about whether I _wanted_ to know more about Edward and whether I wanted him to know more about me. I came up with yes and no, although the 'yes, I wanted to know more' side was stronger than the no. But I'm a bit of a hypocrite, I like to hear about everyone else's shit but I don't like anyone up in mine.

Meh.

But now, I'm here, melting from the heat in my white summer dress and standing outside an intimidating door. I'm sorry but this door just scared me shitless. I felt like it was judging me, it just looked at me like, 'Ha! I cost more than you, I'm bigger than you, I look prettier than you, so why the fuck are you standing here? You don't belong.'

Maybe one day I'd tell the door to fuck off, tell it that it was just a door. Maybe the door was just some fucking metaphor for my problems in life or something. Well fuck you metaphor, I'm real! Yeah, suck on that.

Maybe one day I'll realise that I'm probably a tad insane and a little schizophrenic and that inanimate objects are in fact incapable of talking to me at all. Maybe one day someone will tell me that no, the scales weren't mocking me, no, the door was not judging me and no, my cat doesn't think of or do anything remotely human and just spends his days trying to find the nicest place to sleep.

Yeah well, maybe someone will tell me, but I'd know that really everything they were saying were just lies.

So I stood before the perhaps-metaphorical-perhaps-not door and waited for someone to just answer it already. I looked behind myself at the street and scoffed. How the hell was it that I was here for the third time in less than three months? And why the hell was I getting the feeling this wouldn't be the last time?

I shifted nervously because waiting for a door to be opened makes me nervous, I can't help it, I get angsty. I squeezed the soft toy in my hand as my only source of comfort and listened to the clicking as someone opening the door. It was just me and The Door. Face-to-face. Just me and the big, intimidating, dark wooden door.

And then there was Edward.

And Edward is just so not intimidating that I couldn't help but smile. Which really wasn't helped by him smiling back at me because then I just smiled more, and then I think he smiled a bit more and I bit my lip a little, still smiling and we just stood there smiling like mentally retarded buffoons.

And then it got weird.

So I stopped and tried to remember the real reason I was here. Although it was nice, smiling like a goofy idiot at Edward was not it.

"Oh... um." I looked at the toy rabbit in my hand, squeezing the arms a little before holding it out, "I found this in my bag. I think Olivia must have forgotten to take it back from me after she did her cartwheels. So um, yeah. Here it is."

Edward reached forward and took the toy from me, looking at it and then laughed. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to laugh with him or what... it was pretty fucking weird and a tiny bit scary. He just stood there laughing until I swear I could see a few tears in his eyes. What I said really wasn't that funny was it? No, I'm pretty sure he's just weird.

"Oh god..." He finished, wiping his eyes and chuckling a bit more, "You don't know how much I love you right now." He laughed again and I smiled because... well because he was laughing like a maniac and there aren't a lot of other things to do when someone's doing that and you don't know why.

But then it got weird again once I realised I really didn't know why he was laughing. I think Edward caught on when I just started to look uncomfortable.

"We've been looking for this toy _all_ day. Literally, other than the odd bits of work, this damn toy is what I've spent hours looking for. So many tears could have been saved...." he smiled and shook his head at the rabbit and sighed. Then he held it back out to me and I looked at him confused, "I think you should give it to her."

"Um. Ok." I took it back from him and he stepped aside, holding the door open and motioning for me to come inside. I gave him a sheepish smile as I entered and blushed.

"Hm, I don't think we said hello..." He mused, shutting the door and then turning back to me with such a dazzling smile I nearly peed myself and turned to jello and fell on my face and had a heart attack and stopped breathing and just _died_. Oh my god. "Hi."

Oh god, literally, there was air con inside the house but I was melting right now. Why does he have such a beautiful voice? If I get hypertension, I blame him. I nearly dropped the toy I had in my hand which was just embarrassing, damn butterfingers, "Hi." I more or less squeaked.

He laughed.

"You look nice today."

Ok, I don't know what the fuck is up with me but I am officially dead. Edward thought I looked nice today. I looked fucking nice today! Eee! I don't know why I even care but Edward is really hot and I care for beautiful people's opinions... well I do in this circumstance. And gaaaaah, why am I pregnant? Is the heat making me like this, what the hell?

"Thank you." I mumbled, secretly doing some stupidly girly happy dance in my head. And for what? Because Edward Cullen said I looked nice today. I couldn't tell if me, getting this giddy about it was a good thing or if I was getting so desperate I'd reached a new low.

I bit my lip in the corner as we walked into the foyer and there on the stairs was a very sad looking Olivia with her head against the wall, "I think if she knew what suicide was, she'd be considering it right now." Edward whispered. I didn't turn to look but he must have been really close to me because I could feel his breath just about tickling the skin under my ear. Just like that and I was in need of a new pair of panties. _Seriously... what the hell?_

I brushed the thought aside and tried to distract myself from Edwards particularly muscular looking arms... and his gorgeous physique... I swear his abs weren't so visible through his shirt yesterday... has he been working out?

_Bella!_ _Get a grip!_ Hm, I'd rather like to actually... _Bel-la!_ Ah! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!

"Olivia, Bella's here." Olivia turned her head to me her bottom lip pouty and quivering before she turned her head back to the wall. Edward cocked his eyebrow and looked at me before going to the step she was on a stroking his hand through her long hair, "I think she might have something to cheer you up, beautiful. You should go and say hello." She turned her head to him and he ran a finger over her pouty bottom lip and laughed.

So sweet. So gentle. So compassionate. So loving. So ahh...

And strangely enough, I really want to fuck him right now.

_Oh my god, who are you?!_

The little girl looked in my direction and simply because I couldn't think of what the fuck I was supposed to say, I couldn't drag it out like Edward did, I smiled awkwardly and held out her toy. I think that was really the deal breaker. If I had ever doubted Olivia liking me, after this gesture, I realised I wouldn't be anymore. I'm pretty sure that just by producing this toy I had quite nicely placed myself at the top of her bff list.

She shrieked and then she nearly fell down the one step she was on and then I had her little body colliding with mine, "You found him! Thank you!" She only came to my stomach so she mainly hugged my legs as tightly as she could. I've never had a small person hugging my legs before. This was a weird experience and I didn't know what to do. So I patted her head.

I patted her head. Like she was a fucking dog or something. Epic fail.

Still, Olivia didn't care, she had been reunited with her toy and was twirling around with it in her arms, laughing and sighing and singing and hugging it and just generally looking really overly happy. A huge contrast to merely seconds ago. I just stood and watched in a daze, not really sure what to make of her.

"That's pretty weird..." I said quietly as I watched, only vaguely aware of Edward now standing beside me doing the same thing.

He nodded, "Yes, yes it is." We both stood, silently in awe of this now ecstatic girl. "Oh to be five." Edward chuckled after a while.

"I can't remember much about being five... except I remember walking in on my brother jacking off... although I didn't know what he was doing at the time... still the image has tattooed itself on my brain. So gross." I could see Edward turn to look at me as I shuddered.

"When you were five?"

I shrugged, "He was fifteen." He nodded in understanding and then laughed to himself.

"I liked being fifteen and all the ages after that. I... discovered a lot about myself during that time." He laughed again and shook his head. _You mean you discovered your penis and all the places you could stick it. Nice._

"I didn't like being a teenager." I said vacantly, still rather entranced by Olivia who was now sitting on the bottom step of the stairs having a conversation with her rabbit.

"Not at all?" I shook my head, considering the five six years I was one, I could think of very few good memories of being a teenager. I didn't really enjoy the company of my peers. It was quite a feat on my part that I managed to get a boyfriend. Mike wasn't even a reject or anything. He was just normal. He was normal and he was nice. He just turned into a bit of a dick somewhere along the road apparently. Maybe he always had been and I'd been oblivious to it. I don't know.

"Not anything? Didn't you sneak out? Have sex when your parents were in? Do everything you weren't supposed to? Spike the punch at prom?"

"No, I did all that... except I don't know about the punch.... I never went to my school prom."

Edward turned slowly to me and I could feel his eyes burning into my cheek so I glanced over at him, "You. Never. Went. To. Prom?"

"No..." My cheeks began to redden a little, "I didn't know anyone in junior year so I just skipped it. And senior year I was... busy." Busy getting high and having sex with Mike in the back of his parent's sports shop. Yep, I was definitely _busy_.

Edward snorted and shook his head, "Holy shit, Bella. How did you not go to prom?" I took this to be a rhetorical question because I'd just told him. Well... ish.

Olivia danced up the stairs singing her thanks to me as she went. As soon as she was gone Edward turned to me again, a weird look on his face, "What are you doing later?"

I narrowed my eyes a little, "Nothing..."

"Good." I was about to ask why but he licked his lips and smiled and my underwear dampened a bit more and my brain disconnected itself from everything. "Go home and I'll come get you at... um, I'm not entirely sure. Some time later. And don't try to get out of it, you're mine for the night." I nodded dumbly as he cracked another smile.

And then.

And _then_.

He kissed my cheek.

He fucking kissed my cheek goodbye. I don't care if people do that all the time. He fucking kissed my cheek. My heart literally dropped into my panties, my cheeks began to flush and I swear to god if he made any further advances I would have jumped him.

"I'll see you then."

Again, I nodded, completely dumb from this exchange, "Yeah... later... bye..." I mumbled as he led me out of the door.

I can't remember how I got home. All I remember was Edward kissing my cheek and then changing my underwear when I got back.

Dear God.

---

It was still so hot. Even at eight o'clock, I was dying. I decided on not changing my clothes because I liked my dress, it kept me cool and I liked it. And Edward said I looked nice in it so that was reason enough. I didn't know where it was he was planning for us to go, I didn't know when he'd turn up, I didn't know whether I was supposed to change or whether I should eat before or what. He didn't tell me anything. Well he might have but I was a bit busy plotting the ways in which I could make his penis mine.

Yeah, I know. Well actually I don't know. I'm just going to say it's the hormones because I just don't even look at Edward in that way. Much. So this was really weird and I could really do with googling this shit. I hoped it was my hormones and not just me because that could make things awkward... well it would make things awkward if it was my hormones. Dammit. Damn pregnancy...

I couldn't wait for Edward any longer, so I made myself dinner although it looked like dinner for four but whatever. I'm pregnant. I can eat whatever the hell I want and however much of it I want. So people who lecture me on nutrients and shit can just fuck off. I take my vitamins, I eat everything I should, now if I want to indulge every now and again I shall. They don't have another person growing inside them, let me tell you it's no walk in the fucking park.

So I wasn't sharing. Not that I was going to with my cat anyway but he kept winding himself around me and meowing. I don't know why he purred at me like that, like purring was going to get him something. Wrong.

After my banquet for one, I was still hungry, so I picked up a donut and stuck it in my mouth just as there was a knock at the door. I knew it was probably Edward, finally, really no one came to visit me other than my brother and sometimes Rose. That was it. What can I say, I'm a popular gal.

Hammy was really starting to get on my nerves as I made my way over. I nearly tripped over him multiple times and it was pissing me off so I picked him up, with my donut still in my mouth and answered the damn door.

And there was Edward, much how he was earlier except he had a shirt on and he looked really awkward standing there. Shifting from foot to foot in a way similar to myself. Not at all very Edward. He looked at me and bit his lip. _He _bit his lip. If I wasn't so confused it would have been pretty hot. I just stared while he scratched the nape of his neck and breathed deeply, looking down at his shoes that probably cost more than everything I was wearing.

"Ok, um, I was just wondering, if, you like, wanted to maybe, cause you know you're not seeing anyone and I'm not seeing anyone... and I guess I was just wondering, if like..." He sighed and looked up at me before shutting his eyes and holding something out in front of him, "Bella, will you go to prom with me?" He asked really quickly.

About then I was wondering if I'd fallen asleep or if the real reason I couldn't remember getting home was because actually I got hit by a truck.

Apparently that wasn't the case. Apparently I was really here, and so was Edward holding a corsage in front of him.

Which led to many thoughts in my head, the dominant one being; what the fuck?

I looked at Hammy and he was definitely giving Edward a 'what the fuck' face too. I knew it well.

"Wha-" I realised I still had a donut in my mouth and whatever I was planning on saying wouldn't make much sense. Not that I knew what to say, I mean really, what the fuck?

Edward opened his eyes and every trace of his previous nervousness vanished. He smiled his crooked smile and laughed, "I'm pretty good at acting aren't I? I think I had that awkward teenager shit down to a tee." I just gawped at him because I still didn't understand.

He stroked Hammy's head before taking the donut from my mouth and eating the rest himself, he was lucky I was too confused to take much note of that little stunt, bastard, "But I was being serious. Will you go to prom with me?"

"Wha- prom?" I tried again now that words could actually come out of my mouth.

"Yeah, seriously, you cannot miss out on prom Bella. You have to go to at least one in your life, I mean really. I'm not letting you miss out on that. Plus I'm kind of a chaperone now instead of Phil and I don't want to go alone."

Chaperone? Prom? "Wait... what?" I put the cat down as Edward leant on my door frame, opening the plastic box with the corsage in it and taking it out. He began explaining about Phil chaperoning his sons prom and how it had been postponed, etc etc.

"So, when you said you hadn't been to prom, I called him and asked if I could chaperone instead because then, you know, I could take you and then maybe you'd like one thing about being a teenager... or at least pretending to be one again." He held out the lily corsage to me and me being the over emotional person I am, I was on the verge of tears as I gave him my wrist. Honestly, that was just really fucking sweet.

To be honest I didn't really want to go. There was a reason I didn't go all those years ago, other than to get high and fuck my boyfriend. The whole prom scene was just... so not my thing. I thought I'd just feel intimidated by all the other girls in school, all looking beautiful in their sparkly dresses and curly hair. And then me there with Mike, just like... blah.

But I wasn't a teenager anymore and I would be with Edward not Mike and we were there to chaperone. It wasn't _my_ prom, I didn't have to impress _my_ peers. And it's not like I had anything better to do.

"Well... I guess then, like, yeah whatever, I'll go with you... or whatever. No biggy." I laughed, inspecting my newly acquired corsage and then smiled at Edward and we were doing that you-smile-at-me-I'll-smile-wider thing we always seemed to be doing.

"Cool." He said.

"Cool." I agreed.

I was Edwards prom date.

Me and Edward were going to prom.

Fuck yeah.

**Review, it's my birthday.**

**I liked writing this chapter, I don't have much to say. You should have the next chapter soonish. I'm in London most of this week so I guess I might not have the internet... but I can write, meh. So review anyway. Favourite line/parts anyone? I made a playlist when I got bored of most of the songs from the title names. Link's on my profile, I'll update it as we go on.  
**

**Beaucoup d'amour. You know you love me, XOXO**


	14. Can You Give It

**We love Julia for beta-ing this at ridiculous times in the morning. Thank you Julia. Oh! I have to tell you, I have a Pocket Edward (I just call him PE) and he is actually the thing missing in my life. I laugh so hard at the pictures I have taken of him, it's so sad and yet so much fun I can't even begin to tell you! Go get one!**

**Songs: Can You Give It?- **The Maccabees

**BPOV**

We walked to prom.

We walked because I wanted to walk, so we walked.

I really wanted to know more about Edward and hoped he would settle for tiny, insignificant facts about my life in return. I _hoped_, but really I knew it wasn't going to work out that way. But I needed to know stuff so I could put it in my mental encyclopaedia under Edward Cullen. I wanted to know stuff because I'm nosey and I wanted to know stuff because it was Edward and I just liked talking to him.

To begin with, I had a slight spring to my step because, fuck I was going to prom. Seven years too late and with Edward Cullen. He must have noticed my enthusiasm because he gave me a questioning look, I just brushed it off and continued as I was in my unusually merry mood.

"I was thinking of what type of candy you'd be... but I can't decide."

He smiled as he stared ahead and the street, "Hm, well I don't know too much about candy but I think I know what you'd be like."

"Really?" No one had ever told me what kind of candy they thought I was. I was the candy person, I told them dammit. This didn't make me any less interested, I wanted to know what Edwards thought of me... in candy form.

"Yeah, I don't know if it's actually a real candy but you'd be hard on the outside, not rock hard, somewhat soft and sweet but still one of those you break your teeth to get into." _Eh eh eh, ok, please tell me I'm not the only one seeing the double meaning there? C'mon not just the mind is dirty, surely? Vagina? Ovaries? Uterus? You with me? Yes, no? Anyone awake down there?_

"So you'd suck on it for ages." _Seriously, someone has to be with me here? _"And then eventually it would melt on your tongue and then there'd be a nice, sugary, slightly gooey, a tiny bit sour syrup in the centre." _Oh finally, you decide to wake up Vag, it's about time!_ "And it would have taken a little while to get there, but eventually you'd get the middle bit you'd been wanting from the start so it'd all be worth it. There probably is a lot of candy like that now I think about it, but I'll call it... a Bella Blaster or something. Yeah I know, really original." _Yeah well V, there's no point in drooling over it now, what did I say earlier, where were you?_

Dude.

Now I'm not sure if it's because Edward Cullen just described me as a candy, in a way that could be taken erotically, or that the name he then gave it is actually the name of a vibrator but my knickers were getting all twisted up. Twisted up and damp. I might as well just be motherfucking water seeing as I'm always wet. God.

The thought that he wasn't even saying it in such a way deliberately, that he was subconsciously turning me on, was making me hot. The thought that maybe somewhere in his mind, he was saying it in such a way _deliberately _was making me hot. Maybe he knew his words filled my knickers with the good stuff. Maybe he didn't. But maybe he did.

Holy fucking Jesus on a pogo stick. I need to breathe.

"Um. W-wow." I stuttered the words as caught in my throat, I wasn't even sure if what I'd said was audible. All I could hear was my mind chanting things about melting on Edwards tongue and letting him taste my syrupy centre. My mind is so vulgar. I hate it. I was however making no attempt to stop such thoughts. Oh my life.

"I, uh... wow." I cleared my throat and then started again. If he wished to mess with my mind well I could do it back to him. "Ok well, I thought that maybe you'd be a lollipop."

Yeah, that's right, I went there.

Edward turned to me quizzically but I continued. To be honest, he didn't remind me of a lollipop but hey, I could totally roll with this, "Yeah, cause um, well, yeah, you'd be one of those really _big_ lollies..." I noticed the side of his jaw had tensed more than before and he was sucking on something in his mouth.

"One of those ones that has loads of decoration and sugar and nice stuff on it, you know the ones that are a killer to get _all_ the way into your mouth."

His adams apple noticeably bobbed as he swallowed hard, "You have to suck it for ages trying to get all the sprinkles and icing and whatever off of it."

He began chewing his bottom lip.

"All the decorations would taste nice and everything, but once you've licked them all off you'd be left with your lollipop. No longer so cluttered but still tasting just as nice. Just a normal, sweet, hard candy you can suck to your heart's content." I smiled innocently at him like I had no idea how he might be taking this. Was I even saying what he thought I was saying? I was talking about candy...

"I think I'd call it a... Loll-E." _That's just genius right there. High five!_

"Well..." After clearing his throat he began scratching the nape of his neck. I noticed he pulled at his pants a bit... I literally had to stop myself from laughing out loud. Serves him right, he shouldn't dish it if he can't take it, "We sure sound like some, uh, nice candy."

He chuckled to himself, shaking his head. I giggled and agreed, my traitorous eyes trailed up his body until they met his. They were darker than usual, a little gleam I hadn't seen before. About then I realised I'd have to stand on an air vent and do a Marilyn Monroe if I ever wanted these panties dry again.

We both looked away at the same time. There was silence. And with the silence there was tension. But this tension here was unmistakably sexual. I got the feeling this was a two part thing as well. My body was oozing, quite literally, with this need. I could almost see it coming off of me and waft around the air. No squeezing of thighs was going to help me tonight. God _damn_.

I didn't know what Edward's deal was. He was looking just as restless as me now and he didn't even have out of control hormones. This tension was laying it on thick, I couldn't even cut it with a chainsaw never mind a knife. The only way out was through distraction.

I think now we both knew that somewhere in our subconscious, or in my case, conscious, Edward wanted to reach my syrupy centre and I wanted to lick him like a lollipop. Jesus Christ.

"I'm kind of excited... for this. Prom I mean." I admitted timidly, moving swiftly from the subject. And yes, I was excited, in more ways than one, but that was verging on 'too much information'. He did not need to know about that. But then if he could just smell me, he could probably guess.

_You like this perfume Edward? It's called L'eau de Fuck Me._

"You're allowed to be. You've never been to prom. If you're sober it's actually pretty lame, but eh, it's an experience, one you have yet to have. Even though it won't be the full thing, as your prom date I'll do my best. It's really the least I can do after you returned Mr Bunny."

"I would have brought that bunny earlier if I'd known..." I said quietly, fidgeting with the corsage on my wrist. It was pretty, I didn't want to ruin it, but at the same time I couldn't leave it alone. I was like a moth drawn to the flame, it was so fucking stupid but I just couldn't _not_ touch it. Plus all this stuff building up inside of me meant I had to do _something_.

"Yeah. Well, she has it back now, everything's fine. The world continues to spin now that Olivia's happy again and re-united with Mr Bunny." He rolled his eyes and then laughed, burying his hands into the pockets of his pants.

Although he laughed I couldn't help but think he was being serious. From what I'd deduced from being with and talking to Edward, Olivia was pretty much his life. His world really did stop spinning, maybe just momentarily, when she wasn't happy. Now I don't want to be rude but... she's five, isn't that just a tad ridiculous? It's sweet but also slightly worrying as to how much she owns him. That's really going to kick him in the ass when she figures it out and uses it to her advantages...

"Did you really spend all day looking for it? You should have called me and asked... or something." Damn you corsage for being so... damn... pretty! Can't... keep... hands... away....

He shrugged, "Yeah, pretty much. She was crying about it since this morning so from then I guess."

"Why?" My mouth was working on its own; my full attention was on this corsage. What I was planning to do with it other than play with the pretty petals was beyond me. I was like a little kid with something shiny. Pathetic.

"Hm?" I decided if I played with the damn flower any more I would have to remove it from my wrist and hand it back to Edward, and since I really didn't want to do that, I scolded myself and kept my unhappy fingers from flitting back to it. Anyway, it was a real flower and I didn't want the pollen on my dress.

"Oh. Um, yeah, why did you spend _all_ day? Looking for a toy?"

Edward looked at me as we walked and I glanced up at him briefly. I'm not such a fan of constant eye contact. I don't care if it shows people you're listening to them, people know I'm listening to them if they're talking to me and I respond. I don't need to stare at them like I hold some kind of vendetta against their cornea just to say '_I'm listening'_, fucking hell.

"What would you have done?" he asked, not in a spiteful or even marginally rude way, just genuinely curious.

What would I have done. What _would_ I have done?

Well I have no idea, I'm pregnant but not really a _parent_. I could say a thousand things I 'would have done' but if it actually happened I probably would have freaked and done something completely different, "Well, I'd like to think that I would have looked for maybe an hour tops... but after that I would have just kept an eye out for it and I don't know... told her to get over it?"

I looked down, not really wanting Edward to bash me on my would-be methods of parenting. It's not like I had much of an idea of what to do because hey, would you look at that, I don't actually have a child, what d'you know. Edward smiled, "You think I spoil her."

"No, it's not that it's just... ok, yeah, maybe I do. Just a little." I blushed because voicing my opinions often resulted in blush. He laughed again and I hoped it was an 'Oh Bella, you're so stupid and unknowing but I'll let it slide' laugh as opposed to a demonic 'I'm going to carve your eyes out and eat your face' laugh. I think it was the first. I _hoped_ it was the first. I never really saw Edward as the cannibal type.

"It's ok. I think I do." He nodded, "I think I do _a lot_. I keep telling myself I'm not but... I really am. I just want her to have everything and I want her to be happy, I want her to know I love her." He looked up at the now slightly pink sky and sighed again, "My father _never_ cared if I was happy or not." He said, barely audibly.

I didn't know what on earth he was talking about. Carlisle Cullen _never_ caring? After Edward mentioned him the first time, I asked Emmett what he knew of him, just out of curiosity, and it sounded to me like the guy should be made the patriot saint of Forks or some shit.

Even Emmett seemed a little awe struck by the things he'd done. Emmett get's awe struck for three things and three things only; anything to do with his family, Rose just all of the time but especially butt nekkid, and my apple pie. Oh and apparently Carlisle Cullen too. It was amazing I lived in Forks for a year and a half and knew as little as I did.

Still, I could hardly tell him he was talking shit because I think he would know more than me. The easiest thing to do here seemed to be to just pretend I didn't hear him say anything. I don't think what he said was meant for my ears anyway.

"Well... I guess you know what you're doing more than me." I scoffed. It was true, I had no nothing to go on here. These were just my opinions. They were based on my own knowledge of parenting; my non-existent knowledge of parenting.

Edward gave a sardonic laugh and shook his head, "I haven't a clue what I'm doing, Bella. I'm just making it all up as I go along. You probably know as much about parenting as I do and I've been doing it for nearly six years. I thought I'd have some kind of method by now... but apparently not. I used to watch a hell of a lot of Super Nanny and hope to god I was doing it right, but..."

He shrugged his shoulders and sighed, the fading sun light that filtered from behind buildings just catching the golden red hues of his hair and illuminating them, "I'm not sure there is a 'right way'. I'll make my mistakes just as she'll make hers and hopefully I'll be able to make amends before it's too late. That's all I really can do I guess."

I sighed internally. One of those '_wow, you're so deep_' sighs, perhaps also a bit of a '_wow, you're so gorgeous_' sigh as well. I just couldn't help myself.

The walking was beginning to get tiresome, my body was no longer appreciating the exercise, I was not on any sort of high from any endorphins and I really needed to piss. Who the fuck said exercise makes you feel good? Exercise makes you feel good if you _like_ to exercise. Well, let's just say I won't be having a work out video coming out anytime soon...

Edward said we were nearly there, I hadn't asked him, I guess he just noticed how disgruntled and slow I was becoming. He slowed to my sluggish pace and didn't say anything of it. In fact, I noticed he'd tried to slow down as subtly as possible probably not to cause me any offence.

I grinned at my shoes when I noticed for every three steps I was taking, he causally took one slow stride. This way he wouldn't get so far ahead. Something about watching our feet; my three steps and his one, struck something in me and I slowed even more as I thought about it

This definitely messed up Edwards whole walking pattern, since I'd slowed to just one step to his one stride, it really wasn't working anymore. The world seemed to slow with me as I considered my new revelation, what I thought it meant and how it helped or didn't help me get to _the _answer. After blankly watching Edward try to find excuses of stopping; untying and then retying his shoe laces, getting 'something in his eye' and having a 'troublesome ankle', I snapped out from my train of thought.

Seeing as I'd come to no kind of resolution, I decided to store this new information for another time where I could really think about it. The pace was soon re-established and we both walked comfortably and quietly amongst all the other people on the street. It's amazing how quiet everything can be when you're just not paying attention, I barely noticed the three police cars and the fire truck that zoomed by.

I did notice a car that looked suspiciously like the one Edward was driven around in, with a driver who looked suspiciously like Edwards driver that just so happened to go round the block multiple times. Almost as if it was...following. Almost as if Edward thought I'd give in soon enough and we'd just have to be driven the rest of the way.

Well, he was wrong. Damn, sitting down was sounding really good... but we were basically there already, and I didn't want to stop. Ok, I lie, I really wanted to stop, but now that I thought Edward had _made_ his driver follow us, _just in case,_ there was no way I was stopping.

I'd happily collapse on the floor like a beached whale when we got there, but not now.

_Not now._

"Edward, what makes you happy? Other than making Olivia happy, what do you like?" I needed a distraction else I might start crying or some shit. I do that sometimes, for no reason at all. You know you're crazy when even _you_ don't know why you're crying. Crazy or pregnant. Well, I'm both.

"What do I like? Hm..." His brow creased as he thought and then he laughed, "You know, I don't know what I like. Um, my piano. I like that, a lot. That makes me very happy. My family, my friends... Hm, I'd say I'm rather fond of you so, I guess you're another thing. When you're happy anyway. I don't like when you're upset."

Me? What the hell did I do to add to his happiness? I would have put myself on the anti-happiness list. The thought of me being on any list made me giddy and apparently lowering my head wasn't going to hide the fact my face had lit up like a lantern on Chinese New Year.

"And your blush. I think that's another thing separate to you." He grinned wickedly, "Wow, that list was so lame and clichéd. Ok, what do I like that's interesting. My Aston Martin. Damn, she makes me happy." '_She' it's a fucking car, but whatever... _"Disney films secretly make me happy, gin and tonics, books, high school proms, good art and sex. Sex makes me very happy. I think that's about all I can think of right now."

I was actually fine with the 'lame and clichéd' list but if he wanted to expand that was fine with me. What was not fine with me was the mention of sex. Why do that? Why even say the 's' word when I'm trying my best to hide the big fucking pink sex elephant that happened to be strolling with us. Fucking hell.

"What about you? What makes you happy Isabella Marie Swan?"

There was an increasing amount of teenage girls with curly hair and glitter and lanky boys looking awkward, each paired up with the glitter girls in their tuxes and posing for pictures. Limo's were pulling up only to produce more adolescents, wearing their corsages, giggling and hugging and laughing loudly. Spreading glitter and curly hairedness everywhere they went. I just knew _this_ was prom.

It was disgusting, it was so clichéd, it was lame, it was pretentious and wasteful and I so wanted to be part of it. I loved to hate it already.

Dammit, if I could rewind my age for just an hour, just so I could be a teenager and experience this how I really should have done years ago, I would. I would have curled my hair and got a proper prom dress, and I would have been all sparkly and pretty and I would have been standing outside of the really nice hotel like we were now, with the marble and the pillars and everything. And I'd still have Edward as my prom date.

As it is, time travel doesn't exist, I'm twenty four, I'm pregnant, my hair is only as curly as it is because the humidity outside makes it go crazy, the only reason I might have been 'sparkling' was because we'd just walked _forever_ and it was actually beads of sweat, _all that glitters really is not gold_, and I was wearing a white summer dress instead of a ball gown. Albeit it was a damn expensive summer dress. It looked so nice in the shop, I had to have it. I traded this dress for a week worth of food, that's a huge deal for me. I'm a big fan of food.

I looked up at Edward who was still waiting for his answer and smiled, "I don't know what makes me happy. When I find out I'll tell you."

Another limo pulled up and a bunch of clearly drunk teens stumbled out of it, taking a few pictures where they all pulled the same pouty faces and then hurried inside. Edward and I just watched them and then laughed, "Right now, it's this."

He smiled. I smiled. We smiled. And we were having that _moment_ again but I really didn't want it to become awkward.

It didn't this time, it was still nice ten seconds later, it was still nice thirty seconds later, it then started getting a little weird when I realised we'd spent more than thirty seconds smiling at each other.

Then Edward held out his arm for me and it was all ok again, "Well, Isabella, shall we?"

I giggled and linked my arm through his, "We're going to be really shitty chaperones aren't we?"

"Yep."

"Do we care for any of this obvious underage drinking?"

"Nope... well, I think we can let them get happy. Any more than that and we're going to have to do something."

I nodded as the doorman pulled back the door for us, "The cops will steer clear, most of these kids parents keep this place going, no one's going to say anything. We're just here for appearances, you know."

Psh, I didn't give a shit what we were here for, we were here and that made me happy, "Well ok then."

No, I'm not seventeen, no, this is not my prom, yes, I'm old enough to vote, yes, I can legally drink, no, I won't be tonight because yes, I'm nearly thirteen weeks pregnant and no, I shouldn't really be here, but the world could just fuck off. For just this second, for just this millisecond, I didn't care.

And Edward was still my prom date.

---

Resting my free hand on the cloth of a nearby table, I slowly came to a halt and looked down at myself whilst chewing nervously on my lip.

As if I didn't feel stupid enough, I didn't have my hair done, I didn't have a lot of make-up on and I had six to seven years on all the people here, now Edward wanted me to dance? I was having a really good time, I really was, but dancing? Really? That was just too fucking much, thank you.

"Uh. Edward. I'm not dancing." I said finally, still holding onto his hand as he tried to tow me away. But like I said, it wasn't happening. Not in this lifetime.

"Yes you are." He started dragging me off again and I used all the might I could to stop him. To my surprise, it actually worked; I think this pregnancy was making me strong. Cool.

Edward and I, up until now, had been having such a good time. We spent most of the time sitting at a table talking, I was so thankful for the sitting part, it meant I could squeeze my legs together without anyone realising I was so getting off on it. Edward with some punch and me with some lemonade. Apparently punch was out of bounds to me because someone might have spiked it. It turned out that indeed someone had which was the only reason Edward kept on going back for more.

We basically left everyone to do whatever the hell they did at prom. Dancing and making out appeared to be the popular options, aw. No one was getting rowdy, no one tried to take much notice of us, no one was sniffing coke in the bathroom and the music was good. All was well.

Phil's son came over to say hi to Edward and some girl asked us if we knew where the toilets were, that was really about it. Edward got plenty of stares and giggles off of passing girls. And yes, I can admit, I got a teensy weensy bit jealous and I really don't know why. It's not like any of them had any sort of a chance, they were all underage. I found some sort of solace in knowing that... but that was short lived because I became rather disconcerted as to why I even cared. It was like the Jessica thing again but with giggly high school girls. And I _still _want to hit her in the face with a spade.

On a lighter note, they had some really nice nibbles. It's like they knew I was coming, I basically ate all of them.

Most of our time had been spent talking about books and Edwards piano, randomly, and the ways he could un-bubble wrap Olivia's life and still keep everyone happy. I told him it was cute because it was, but sheesh. He said he knew he may ultimately be turning her into a monster but he just couldn't help it.

The way he said that was really cute but I didn't tell him. What really _wasn't_ cute in the slightest was him trying to get me to dance. I didn't care if these were the last few dances of the night. Really not fucking cool, Edward.

"No. Really. Don't make me, I can't dance. I have no awareness of my body and this-" I tried, motioning in circular motions around my stomach to signal my small bump "-really isn't helping. People don't rock up to their school prom with small whales as their dates, especially not whales that dance like they're in the midst of a seizure. Did I mention I'm a small _killer_ whale? Even slow dancing Edward, I'm lethal. If I don't end up hurting myself, I'll hurt someone else. I'm sure these kids would rather not be injured by me and I'd rather stay here anyway. I'm not going out there."

He sighed and looked back at the dancing mass of glitter and bow-ties and ball gowns, all coupled up and swaying from side to side easily with the slow cadence of the song. I couldn't help but think the swaying wasn't just from the music but maybe the punch as well... Still, disappointment was so evident on Edwards face, I felt like I just killed his fish.

"Sorry..." I mumbled, feeling damn guilty now. He turned back to me with a small smile, pushing a rogue strand of hair out of my face. It was only a small gesture but it made blood rush to my cheeks like nobody's business. I felt a little giddy and a lot of stupid.

"Don't worry about it." He chuckled, sweeping his hand lightly over my flushed cheek, "We'll dance here instead."

Oh for fucks sake, was he kidding me? Did he not hear what I just said? I didn't want to hurt myself and I did _not_ want to hurt him. I don't think Olivia would be too pleased if he couldn't make our wedding and I wouldn't be too pleased if I was the cause of a broken leg or brain damage or something...

He walked me back to the dimly lit corner near where we'd just been sitting, took both my hands and pulled me flush to his chest forcing me to stand on his feet. He smiled but I was freaking out. I was trying to prepare myself for when he told me to get off because I was too heavy or for when his feet became 2D. Either or, I couldn't tell which, but one of them was imminent.

I squeezed my eyes shut and waited but neither one happened. Instead, he put one of my hands on his shoulder and his round my waist, locking the other in his free hand and began dancing around slowly, finding the tempo of the music and meeting each step with it perfectly.

"See, you're dancing." He whispered into my hair. Ooh, someone turned on the charge for horniness. God help me.

"I'm not dancing. I'm standing on your feet while you waltz around like a man waltzing around with a whale. I bet we look so stupid." I opened my eyes to look down at our feet moving together and then groaned.

"We don't look stupid. And you're not a whale, and if you were a whale, which you're really not, then you'd be the most beautiful whale I've ever seen." One bar on the horny meter. Here's hoping that's all...

"Oh shut up, you're trying to make me feel better. You're failing." I complained, still watching our feet as we twirled around. It was a lie, he really wasn't failing. Little happy dance right now in my head. Wait, should I be happy? A beautiful whale. Is that a good thing? I'm trying to imagine a whale here... I don't think a whale can look beautiful. What the hell?

The vibrations from his laughter were rippling through my whole body alongside his and yet another bar on the horny meter went up. Damn. "Maybe I was but it's still true."

I groaned again and let my head fall, my brow now against his shoulder, so I could keep watching our feet. I was glad I could still see mine for the time being, I was mainly taking full advantage of that. Everything would have been fine, us dancing like that and everyone else dancing like normal people, but then I breathed.

I know, stupid me for breathing.

I inhaled and dragged in that smell I could only describe as Edward along with my oxygen. Another bar went up and I felt myself bubbling on the inside. I was starting to feel tingly in places it didn't even make sense for me to feel tingly in. It was becoming increasingly obvious that my meter was nearly fully charged and that Edward was just encouraging it whether he realised it or not.

I squeezed his hand slightly and shut my eyes as the little static shocks I could feel shot through my body randomly. Thank god I was wearing a dress; I could really do getting some air _up there _before things get to... hot and bothered. Ultimately, nothing was going to become of it so I'd be the only one suffering here. Rose had joked about me eventually needing one, but a vibrator or something was looking like a really good idea. I couldn't handle this, it was too much. I needed some sort of release. Gah!

"Are you ok?" He asked, changing to a slower pace.

_No Edward, I'm not ok. I'm getting increasingly horny and you really aren't helping. Would you kindly stop looking so edible and take me home? And no, I won't be inviting you in for coffee or biscuits so don't even go there._

"I'm going to get motion sickness."

"Bella you don't get motion sickness." I didn't move my eyes from our feet.

"How d'you know that? I might."

"Because you said you didn't. When you were telling me about how once, you were sitting next to some boy you really liked on the school bus and the bus driver detoured and you went down a road that was really bumpy and someone started feeling sick and you said it was lucky you _don't_ get motion sickness otherwise that would have been really embarrassing."

God damn. He really listens.

"Well then, I get morning sickness. I think we should stop dancing."

"Bella, look at me."

"If I look at you I'll be sick." I didn't really feel that ill at all, I just didn't want to look at him because if I did, I'd probably do something really stupid. And because I didn't want my stupidly horny self to find another reason to up the charge. To be honest I wanted nothing more than to lick his face and then all down his bare chest... mmm.

"Thanks." He chuckled; again his body vibrating against mine was doing nothing for my now dirty mind or the pool party it had planned in my knickers, "Think of something else because we're dancing until these songs are over. We've only got this song left. It's nearly over."

What do you think I'm trying to do?! Oh Edward, if only you knew, if only.

I tried distracting myself, not from my imaginary sickness or from the fact I probably looked retarded dancing with him, but from _other_ things, "Did you know I'm actually going to be pregnant for more like ten months, not nine. I didn't know that." Was the first thing that came to mind.

Edward looked at me dubiously, "You didn't know that?" I shook my head, still looking down, "I thought they told you that at your first appointment?" I thought back to my first appointment and all I could remember was moustache lady and cold gel. And I remember her saying something about sex being ok during pregnancy; my mind liked to remember that bit more than it should have which only got everything more excited.

Damn moustache lady. Of the few things I remembered, that had to be one of them didn't it.

Somewhere between me thinking back to my first appointment and now, my vagina had found its voice. Oh yeah, my vagina has a voice, it was news to me too. It had a voice, a really loud and squeaky voice that I could hear over most other thoughts. It was so girly and giggly and fucking annoying.

_Oh Bella, it's getting boring down here, do something interesting already_, it whined at me.

"Bella, look at me." Fuck, Edward if I look at you I am really not going to be responsible for my actions.

_Do it! Look at him! Please, I'm dying down here!_

"Oh my god, I'm going to crush your toes..."

"No, you're not, now look at me-"

"You're going to take your shoes off and have dust in their place."

"Bella-" He stopped moving, letting go of my hand and instead letting it reside of my waist, just like the other.

"Edward, please can we stop, please?" It wasn't really dancing, it was how _close_ we were. It was how horny I was. It was how hot Edward would look if I looked up at him. It was how I was now beginning to feel really uncomfortable.

"We've stopped." _Yes, I noticed_, "Now look at me." He didn't give me much of a choice, if it was up to me, I would have stayed staring at our feet like a stubborn little girl, but he put his finger under my chin and lifted it to him so I could do nothing but gaze up at his stupid face.

His stupid face that I wanted so fucking badly, "Now shut up." He laughed, his finger gently drawing caressing the skin under my chin.

"I'm just saying. I, um, don't think I should dance." I could see him rolling his eyes and laugh as I began rambling about anything I could think of. Anything that could possibly stop me from raping Edward right here and now. "It's not that I don't really like it as such, it's just I can't do it, so it would be stupid for me to try and children are mean. Teens are meaner, they'd just laugh at me and I don't like people laughing at me so it-"

Out of nowhere, really, I mean _nowhere_, if I'd seen this one coming I would have steadied my knees, prepared my heart, brought a spare pair of underwear maybe an oxygen tank as well. Out of nowhere, Edward kissed me.

Nothing extreme, he wasn't full on kissing me, he wasn't pouring passion into it or anything, he was just _kissing me_ and I could hear him in my mind telling me to 'shut the fuck up'. And here I was, shutting the fuck up. Because he was kissing me. _And there goes the last bar on the meter._

His soft lips gently took mine and held them there for a second until I could feel him smiling against me. His whole presence was making me go crazy. It was as if my body suddenly became super sensitive and I became aware of every single way he was touching me. I could feel each tip of his fingers pressing softly into my sides, I could feel the small amount of stubble growing back on his chin, I could feel my bump pressed against him, I could feel his body pull away before his lips did until he was looking down at me, grinning like a Cheshire cat.

But I wasn't grinning at all and slowly his smile began to fade as he realised. I was just...

Well holy fuck I'd be damned if I couldn't have him now. Now I _really_ wanted him. Shit, I didn't just want him, I _needed_ him. And I needed him now. Right now. So I was going to kiss the fuck out of him because a peck to shut me up just wasn't good enough. I needed to kiss him hard with tongues and moans and pressing myself into him and my hands in his hair and all that shit.

I needed it and if I didn't get it, there was no doubt, I would self implode. I would explode like confetti, everywhere.

So we just stared at each whilst the rational part of my body shut down and the 'I need to fuck Edward' side woke up.

So I just did it. The tension was killing me, I needed to do it, so I did. I leant up and kissed him again, just a peck to see he was with me here and apparently he was. So I did it again, except this time he pulled me closer to him and his grip on me became tighter. And I can tell you, the forbidden fruit does taste the sweetest and that taste of punch that lingered in his mouth along with his own flavour was the yummiest thing ever.

This just egged me on more and soon my hands were scaling his neck until they found refuge buried within his hair, amid the dishevelled bronze locks. I pulled him down to me whilst we tugged and nibbled and sucked on each other's lips. Tongues darting here and there until they too found each other and intertwined, dancing languidly around each. Being so caught up in everything, I totally forgot where we were.

Apparently the dancing and making out applied to us as well, but this was all part of prom anyway, right? I think it is. And right now, I'm seventeen, so I can do this right? It doesn't really matter does it? It won't make things weird... oh shit this is going to make things so weird.

Ah, whatever, I'll cry about it later.

**EPOV**

Ok, Bella came onto me. Not the other way round.

...Well maybe a bit of the other way round. And honestly I wasn't stopping her.

I _had_ kinda started this... although I had only kissed her to shut her up. I don't know why she wouldn't dance with me. It really wasn't that big a deal but she made it out as one. And then she wouldn't look at me. I didn't like her not looking at me. I like seeing her face, I like seeing her eyes, I like seeing her nose, I like seeing her lips...

For the past two weeks or however long it was, I'd been quietly drowning in my own guilt. Still from my birthday, from Andrea, from Jessica. Ugh, I felt like such a dick. So much so that I made a secret oath that the closest my dick was getting to any pussy was Bella's cat. I know we had no sort of commitment to each other but I just couldn't do anything with anyone at least until she'd had the baby. I just felt like I was cheating on her.

I woke up in the morning for the past two weeks with serious morning wood and I was amazed I hadn't got a cold from all the cold showers I'd been having. I felt bad even jacking off. I mean, that's just fucking wrong. But I couldn't help it, and god knows how I'd managed it but I had gone throughout that period of time without jacking off at all. Literally anything was going to set me off.

It was a major struggle to keep mini E down at just the sight of Bella. She was so beautiful, the way she was beginning to bloom and shit. And she looked so nice in that damn dress. I nearly exploded when she started on me being like a fucking lollipop and all the licking and sucking that would have to be done and damn. I wasn't even sure if she knew she was doing it.

I'm not entirely sure when I thought jacking off would be ok again, I mean I could hardly cheat on her with my hand. We weren't even together, this whole thought process was completely ludicrous.

The music had finished. Prom was over. We were still eating each other's faces like we were a couple of horny teenagers. At the moment I would have easily been able to mistake us for a pair. We'd backed up to a nearby wall and somehow I'd managed to pin Bella to it. Thank god we were in a dimly lit corner or the whole room, albeit people were leaving, would have become overly aware of the two lecherous adults who should really know better.

She shut up when I kissed her, that's what was supposed to happen. It didn't mean anything, I was actually just trying to find an excuse to kiss her, but then it led to this. Maybe this would be it, we'd make out like a couple of seventeen year olds, we'd stop, we'd laugh about how silly we'd been and then we'd return to our houses after thanking each other for a wonderful night.

Well I dared her to stop, because hell I knew I couldn't. If she wanted to stop, she was free to do so, but she didn't. I even stopped kissing her for a second, one, because I needed air and two, because I wanted to see what she'd do. And she just started kissing my motherfucking neck and whenever anyone does that shit, like a dog with a bone, I'm theirs.

I really thought one of us would be strong enough to stop this. I knew it wouldn't be me, so what I mean is, I was really hoping Bella would be able to stop this. Well I waited. And I waited. But we didn't stop. We really didn't stop. We _really_ did not stop.

---

"Oh god." Followed by some kind of animalistic grunting from myself almost echoed around Bella's apartment.

No one tried to stop us, we didn't try to stop ourselves, which just ended up with us here, on Bella's sofa happily fucking the life out of each other. My hands firmly rested on the smooth skin of her hips, guiding her as she moved up and down on top of me, gasping and sighing. Her hair almost looked as if it was alive, it was like a mane around her head, all curly and wild and tangled and shit she looked beautiful.

I wondered for a while if having sex with Bella broke the promise I made myself, but I decided that I wasn't breaking it because it was _with_ Bella therefore I didn't feel the guilt. Well not yet anyway. The last hour had gone in a bit of a blur, thank god there were other people there chaperoning other than Bella and I because I would have probably self destructed if we had to wait around there any longer than we did. We really were of no particular use anyway but we smiled and waved and edged away as soon as we could.

The other adults there were drunk and talking a load of shit anyway and Bella slipping her hand into the front of my pants was just doing me no good at all. If she hadn't have tossed me off in the back of that damn cab I would not have lasted as long as I had so far.

We were so eager, neither one of us were thinking straight clearly. Bella was trying to get out of her dress nearly as soon as she opened the door. Her eagerness just resulted in her getting it stuck over her head so I had to help her out. Not that I was much better, the only reason we were even on the sofa was because I'd tripped over myself and landed there, my pants round my ankles. We were seriously like a couple of kids.

Well, you would have thought so until we actually got to it. I didn't have any condoms on me but I knew I was clean of anything and it wasn't like I could get Bella any more pregnant than she was already. She had the best contraceptive already in use. So that was that and here we were.

It wasn't exactly a bad view I had, she wanted to keep her bra on and I wasn't exactly going to object to that, but holy fucking crow did I get an eyeful of the good stuff. She was straddling me, holding onto the back of the sofa to use as leverage whilst she rocked and bounced and grinded down and when I looked at her, some of her hair stuck to her face with sweat, I couldn't help but be taken back a bit.

She was so... fucking... ah! The right words couldn't even come to mind. I don't know what it was about her but she just _was._

"Edward..." she gasped, "I'm gonna... ungh..." I was very aware of what she was 'gonna' do for probably the fifteen millionth time. I don't know why, I'd done all this with Tanya and I read books on pregnancy, but actually seeing Bella having an orgasm over basically nothing surprised me at first. I knew she'd be super sensitive in the lower regions, but shit, she _really_ was.

And she felt so good each time she did. Watching her being pushed to the brink and then tumbling down again and again just made me push into her harder and faster and brought me closer to my own demise.

We both moaned together followed by more high gasps from Bella as our pace quickened, "Bella... I need to..." I bit my lip as I continued to thrust up, meeting with her in a quick but even rhythm. But I was literally on the brink here and I needed to pull out.

"Just... come inside me." I nodded and continued as we were until her breathing became frantic and her moans shorter and higher in pitch, " Edward, I'm coming... I'm... I-" I felt her walls begin to constrict and spasm against me as she buried her head into my neck and let out a muffled scream.

It must have been a second or so after that I lost what little control I had and let go.

Then we just sat there, Bella slumped and shuddering every now and then as we regained our breath. Neither of us made any attempt to move. I was still buried within her warmth and she still had her head in my neck. Her cool breath blowing out on the sticky surface of my skin. No doubt the both of us were wearing a nice sheen of sweat.

._..So. We just had sex. Again. But sober this time... now what?_

What was I supposed to do now? Do I make coffee? Do I just go home? Do I stay? Am I supposed to laugh? Shall I make cake? Fuck, we're going to make things weird. Things are going to be fucking weird. Shit.

If things were going to be weird once one of us moved then I didn't want to move. At least I wasn't going to be the first.

As I inhaled and my chest filled with air and Bella's smell, she exhaled and her stomach pressed into mine. Up until then, I hadn't really touched Bella's stomach. In fact I hadn't at all and god I wanted to, so I took advantage of the situation we were currently, who knows when I'd be able to touch her again. _If_ I'd ever be able to. So I moved my hands slightly from where they currently resided on her hips, just a little, only so that I could feel the rounding to her, but as soon as I did she tensed.

Her whole body stiffened and she pulled back from my neck to look at me. I wasn't sure what it was she was thinking, I fucking wished I could, but whatever it was it made her bow her head and get off of me. I didn't say anything, I just watched as she picked up her discarded panties and held her dress to cover her as she quickly fled through her bedroom door.

I heard the clicking of another door shutting and assumed it to be the bathroom.

Hammy strolled out then and sat next to me on the sofa, walking around in a circle a few times and pawing at the cushion before sitting down. I looked down at him and sighed because now things were going to be weird. If things were going to be weird then I could talk to the cat about it right?

"Are you just going to tell me I'm a dick? Because if you are, I already know." He just stared at me blankly before deciding to rather politely lick his genitals in front of me. I looked down at my own and sighed again.

"Ok, so maybe I should put something on." Kicking around the things on the floor, I found my boxers and quickly slipped them back on before looking at my watch and then sitting on the arm of the sofa, continuously running my hands through my hair. I did this for another twenty minutes or so because I swear it was like some kind of fucking nervous twitch.

When I glanced over at the cat, he was once again just staring at me. There was something about this cat that was just fucking... weird, it was putting me on edge, "You've got a really judgmental face, you know." I felt like the fucking cat was judging me. I mean seriously, what the fuck, it's a cat.

He meowed, although it was more of a 'mow', whilst brushing himself on the side of the sofa I was sitting on. I had no idea what went through cats minds, that's if anything of interest ever did. I could just imagine her sitting around having conversations with it. Wow. I checked my watch again and realised it had been half an hour and Bella hadn't emerged from her bathroom.

"Do you think I should go and check on her?" I scratched the back of his ear and stroked him. The amount of hair that came off his body was the exact reason I didn't have a cat in the house. Ok, yes, it's not like I do the cleaning or anything, but I just couldn't deal with hair just hovering around in the air.

The hair that had attached itself to my hand fell off as I waved my hand around. It's not my fault, I just get funny about these things, "Ok, I'm going." I brushed my hand down my leg and then got up to wander in the direction Bella had left.

What I was planning to do or say when I found her I don't know. I was really hoping we could laugh this off or something, but apparently that just wasn't happening.

I found myself standing before her bathroom and was just about to knock to check she was ok when I heard her crying softly through the door. I didn't know why she was crying, but if she was feeling anything like me then she probably felt guilty, stupid, something along those lines. I sighed and looked up to the ceiling before knocking anyway.

"Bella, are you ok?" There was a sound of things being moved around and her sniffling, "Bella?"

"Yeah, I'm..." she was moving around some more and then there was silence and then a sob, "No, I'm not ok... Edward, I think... we need to talk."

**Aaaand... review.**

**Ok, while I have your attention and before I talk about this chapter, I'll tell you about this story you should read.**

'**Sex on Fire' by Simone Marie (They are two authors working together): **http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5293097/1/Sex_on_Fire - **Honestly, when I recommend something I would say it's actually something worth reading, I'm very picky with stuff and I don't read unless it's actually good. However, we all have different opinions... but this is worth reading. It's basically about an older Edward and a younger Bella, and by that I mean, Bella being 17 and Edward in his twenties. I really love the tension between the two, it's only up to chapter 13 so check it out. There are quite a few different pov's but I didn't find it annoying (normally I do) and it's so worth more reviews than it has, so leave those ladies some love, just saying you've read it or something.**

**Back to me. I know, essentially I'm just so selfish haha. I hope you liked the candy part, I was giggling to myself whilst writing that, oh boy. Ok, review with which bits you liked best and what you're looking forward to and all the stuff you review about that I love to read. Also, if you read X&Y, don't hate me... soon my friends, I am updating soon!**

**Beaucoup d'amour. You know you love me, XOXO**


	15. Rabbit Heart

**Thank you all so much for all your reviews, I appreciate them so much and I love you all! And Julia, for editing as per. Ah, so chapter, ee, I hope you like! Also, I've created a playlist for this story so if you want to listen, the links on my profile. Danke.**

**Song: Rabbit Heart (Raise It Up)- **Florence + The Machine

**BPOV**

"Shit. I should have just got the kitten. Why didn't I get the kitten? Why didn't you tell me to get the kitten?"

"I told you to get the kitten but you didn't, so. There's not a lot you can do about it now." He looked at the large box covered by a pink bow.

"I can return it...?"

"Edward, you are not returning it, I won't let you, it's too cute. It's her birthday, she'll love everything anyway, I promise." He looked down at the box again and frowned, shifting the weight of it around.

"I guess." I smiled widely as I watched him frowning at the large brown box in his hands. He was being really stupid, he just happened to look really cute at the same time. I sighed loudly and took a handful of the bottom of his shirt, dragging him in the direction of Olivia's room. He reluctantly moved with me, pouting his bottom lip as he did.

"Edward, are you turning six or is she? Man up already." I laughed as we approached her door. I gave him a look as if to say 'Am I going to knock on her door or are you?' but apparently Edward felt like taking these last few moments to mope over his present just a little bit more. Seriously, I just didn't get him. I would have died if Charlie got me a present like this when I was six. Or any age in fact.

Seeing as Edward was being shitty, I knocked myself and then opened the door. I didn't really need to knock, but ever since that Emmett incident when I was five, it's become a force of habit and it's not exactly a bad one. We both knew she was awake, Edward said she'd been up and running since half six in the morning, much to his displeasure. Apparently, he's not much of a morning person. I only got here at ten and then we had to go out to pick up her present and everyone seemed to be in her room when we got back, so here we were.

"Daddy, grandma and grandpa called, they said they're going to come down here so we can see them soon. We haven't seen them in so long. And I have another loose tooth, look!" Olivia pushed her hair from her face, opening her mouth widely, wobbling her loose tooth with her finger. She already had two missing giving her a slight lisp when she spoke, one of them wasn't even wobbly at the time, and that was totally my fault.

I have never felt _so_ bad in my life.

I would say it all happened like a comedy sketch, but it just really wasn't funny. To cut a long story short, I basically hit her in the face... with a door.

...It was _not_ funny.

She screamed, I screamed, Edward was in the fucking bathroom.

I actually went all maternal on her after I realised what I'd done. I just had to make sure she was ok, I mean, how bad would I feel if I'd broken her face? God. Luckily she hadn't broken anything, I just knocked one of her teeth out, one right at the front. And there was blood in her mouth and everything but I didn't freak out about it. Well I did, just not right then.

Once she realised one of her teeth were missing and she got over the initial shock of being walloped in the face with a door, she seemed pretty pleased. I don't know what it is about kids and wobbly teeth but after that she wouldn't stop showing me the bloody, gummy spot where her tooth had been just minutes before. When I knew she was ok, maternal mode turned off and the blood just started to make me feel sick. Edward came back and after all the panic and blood I thought I was going to faint or something.

I was forgiven literally minutes after the incident, but it didn't stop me from feeling terrible about it for the rest of the week, and I _really_ wasn't feeling any better with Edward laughing at me. Did he nearly break her face? No.

Alice sat on the end of Olivia's bed and Meg was sitting next to her. Both of them looked up at Edward and I when we came in, they smiled nicely at Edward as always, but then they gave me this knowing look. It was like... I don't know what it was like but it made me want to drag them both outside and make them tell me what the fuck that was about.

The thing is, I knew they knew what I knew... or didn't know. But now I wasn't sure what they knew or thought they knew because that look they both gave me we such a 'bitch, we know' look. But what the hell did they know that I didn't know now? I thought we were all on the same level of not knowing? Wait, what the hell didn't we know? Well I definitely don't know something now, they're leaving me out of the loop and since whatever it is they 'know' is about me, I think I deserve to be in on it.

Oh what the hell, I'm so fucking confused.

They only knew things because I needed to tell someone some of the shit I had building up, my head was near exploding. Jasper helped sometimes, but often I'd ask him one thing and leave with a thousand more questions on my mind. I told Hammy but he never really had the answers, he was just as clueless as I was. And he's a cat. I could have told Emmett... or Rose, but I didn't want to, they were too close to me.

I couldn't tell Edward. I'd already attempted and failed that, and anyway, how could he be of any help when _he_ was the reason for the majority of my mess?

So I ended up telling the people who just happened to be near me at the time. I'm not sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing, but those people just happened to be Alice and Meg in Edward's kitchen.

It wasn't my fault, I just had so much building up, I couldn't help it, it all just spewed out everywhere like word vomit. I started and then I just couldn't stop. A thousand questions, observations, confessions, other random crap, all of it just spilling over the island I was sitting at, dripping onto the floor, totally covering the whole kitchen with all my shit. All this stuff I wasn't even aware had been bothering me for the past four months or so. Just everywhere. It was pretty fucking messy.

When I'd just about finished, I felt so much lighter. Like maybe I'd just subconsciously handed over some of my burdens to the two ladies here with me, whether they wanted it or not. Yeah, maybe I should feel a bit bad, but I didn't. That shit was heavy and I still had a load of it along with a baby, so.

Alice just stared at me for a while before turning to look at Meg who continued to clean the kitchen, totally unfazed by anything I'd just said. And I'd just said _a lot_. I just confessed my weird need to be near Edward- this was definitely a new revelation but I'd been in his house every day after work that week and he was the only reason why. I'd confessed that we'd slept together after prom, all of my thoughts on keeping the baby, not keeping the baby, everything. I also realised that Meg probably knew none of this before and now she knew everything plus some.

_There was just silence while my face and the granite surface of the island made acquaintances, "Can someone say something please." I murmured, not really sure what else to say._

"_I didn't know you slept with him after prom... he didn't tell me that. He said 'you talked'." Alice said, more to herself than me._

"_We did talk... kind of." I wasn't lying, we did talk. Kind of. It's just neither of us seemed to know what to say. Apparently not a lot needed to be said in the end anyway. But we talked, things were said and it wasn't weird. Everything was better if anything._

"_Huh. Well I'm glad he's been telling me everything. Not."_

"_You think _you've_ been left out?" Meg laughed, "I don't get told anything anymore. I actually figured out you were pregnant myself because I'm observant. Edwards baby, huh? I thought as much, I mean no offence sweetheart, but he doesn't bring just any girl friends back here, and I don't think he knows any pregnant girls, who are single anyway..."_

"_He doesn't." Alice added without much thought. It was kind of weird how she just knew so much about him. _Obsessed much...

_Meg put her hand on her hip and smiled at me, "He won't let you give it up you know. That man would literally..." she shook her head and sighed, "Well, he just doesn't give up on family. He can't. If you're pregnant with his kid, you're family, therefore he won't give up. Not completely."_

"_I can't believe he didn't tell me this..." Alice shook her head before sighing and looking at me with a half smile, "I think you need to make a decision though, soon."_

"_I agree, it can't be healthy carrying so much stress around with you. I know it's hard but... well you have to decide so you know where you stand and he knows where he stands. You know? And you really have to start doing the things you like again. It sounds like you're a bit lost, sweetie. You just need to get back on the tracks. You need to sort yourself out, you need to make a decision, you need to tell Edward what that decision is, he'll stick by you either way, and then you need to be happy. Edward could probably help you get to the places you aspire to get to if you asked. There's only so much you can be told, and only so many times you can be told it."_

_I could have hugged all the air out of Meg then. Dammit, she was the first person, the first person, to tell me what I needed to do. And I think she was right. I needed to do all of those things and I needed to do them fucking quickly because I'm so fucking bored of not knowing what to do. Hel-lo, this is supposed to be my life. I'm an adult, I'm single, I live in my own house, I make my own money, why the fuck aren't I doing what I want?_

"_Maybe then he'll stop sleeping with the cleaner. I mean she's nice but... just no, Edward. _No_." She went back to cleaning and I sat up abruptly to look at her._

"_...He sleeps with the cleaner?"_

"_He sleeps with the cleaner." She stated._

"_He does not sleep with the cleaner." Alice piped up._

"_You're right. No _sleeping_ is involved. Let me rephrase, he fucks the cleaner."_

"_Meg, he does not! Ok, just every now and then... and it's completely vile, but it's not a regular thing and it doesn't mean anything. I mean they don't always have sex, sometimes they just... talk. I mean the last time they did it was on his birthday..." On his birthday?! That wasn't even that long ago... he came to my house that night! _Bitch!

"_And he thinks none of us know." They both laughed a little, "It's like, hello, her husband's in jail, she's female, he's Edward Cullen, no woman in their right mind would keep that secret. Damn, I'd be hollering it from the rooftops. He's too young for me, but I'm just sayin'..." She winked at me and Alice pulled a face._

"_He slept with Jessica on his birthday too." I said quietly, reacquainting my face with the island surface. I was beginning to get the urge to hit Edward in the face with a spade now, as well as Jessica and now this cleaner woman too._

"_Damn." Meg said, moving to sit in the chair beside me._

"_I don't know why I even care so much." I confessed, there was no point in me holding back with these two I'd already told them everything else. I wasn't going to pretend I didn't care when really I did._

_Alice started playing with a lock of my hair as she spoke, "I think you care so much for the same reason I care if Jasper goes out with any women. Because you like him. A little or a lot, I don't know, but you do."_

_There we go, she hit the nail on the head. I just wanted someone to tell me even though I already figured that one out, "I know. But I _shouldn't_, it makes things weird. And I'm pretty sure he doesn't like me as anything more than a friend... of sorts. Sometimes I can't tell if he actually cares at all for me or if he just cares for me caring for the baby."_

"_I'm pretty sure he does care for you Bella, baby or no baby. But you know, he's been really quiet recently... he didn't even complain when I told him he had a meeting with people in finance. He really hates meetings with them. I hate meetings with them. They're a bunch a stingy shits down in finance. What exactly did you talk about after you had sex? "_

_Pah. Thank god no one could see my face because it just filled with colour. It sounded so weird to me, just casually throwing that in there._

"_Just... I don't know, I did quite a bit of crying. And he said some stuff and so did I... and I cried on him a bit more." I did a lot crying, what can I say, I was really pissed off at myself. And then I felt bad because I'd made Edward feel bad. And meh. I can't really remember everything that was said._

"_Well whatever it was he said or you said or whatever the hell happened, he's... different. He's always going off in thought. You've done something to him." Alice raised an eyebrow and looked me over. "Oh and when you need maternity clothes can you call me. I have to admit, you can put clothes together but you need _quality_ my dear."_

_I smiled a little and propped myself up on my elbows, resting my head in my hand, "I will..."_

"_Are you not a little excited that you're having a baby? Because I'm excited and it's got nothing to do with me." Meg chuckled warmly, wiping her hands down on her jeans._

"_I want to be... but I can't. Because I don't know what I'm doing right now. I don't want to get excited if-"_

_She waved her hands around the air to stop me from talking, "Nuh uh, don't say _if_ anything. If you want to be excited, you can be excited. Face it, you'll keep it, you have to, you _want_ to. You just have to figure out how you're going to do it. Then you'll be excited. Babies are so much fun... well... no ignore me, they are."_

"_Yeah, well, I saw the adoption people again yesterday... I didn't tell Edward this time. I don't know if I want to."_

"_And?" Alice asked, mimicking my position._

"_And they're perfect. Just like they were the first time. Possibly even more this time." I sighed._

_Meg shook her head whilst tying her hair back into a neat bun, "But who wants perfection? There's no space to fuck up, excuse my French, in perfection. Surely that would give the kid a lot to live up to? Your decision actually has nothing to do with me at all, but I can give you my opinion, and I think you and Edward would be the closest to perfect parents can get. Look at Olivia, she only really has Edward, Tanya never really did anything, but she's turned out alright. No honestly, Edward's really outdone himself. And well, I don't think you see yourself very clearly, you possess a lot of the qualities Edward lacks, and I think you're very capable of doing more things than you believe you can._

_You're not doing all the things you'd like to be doing, and Edward... well he's _doing_ too much. I just think you're both a bit lost at the moment. You need to find each other. Babies help people find each other, plus they're really cute too. And once you're both 'found' well I think that'll be one lucky kid you have. Olivia could probably benefit from this as well. It'd all work out somehow."_

_She ran her finger down my cheek and then tapped my nose, "Live for now and all that jazz. Jump the hurdles when you get to them, if you start off too early, you'll fall. Don't fall. It's hard to get up again."_

"_Bloody hell, Meg. Here's me thinking you're only good at making food." Alice said, a bit dumfounded. And that was Alice, what about me?_

"_Yeah, I know, well I'm done with being deep for today, ladies. I'm out. You'll just have to wait until next time for more. That's all I got. Anyone want a coffee?"_

That was last week and two weeks since prom, I'd thought long and hard since. It didn't stop the both of them from sitting there with their knowing glances and girlish smirks. I just rolled my eyes and dropped my hand from Edwards shirt, "Off you go." I said quietly, smiling at him, "She'll love it."

"Fine." He smiled back before walking over to the end of her bed and put the box down on the bed and then returning to stand next to me, "Happy birthday, baby."

Olivia crawled down her bed, to the box which moved about a little, "What is it?"

"Well the idea is you open it and find out." I noticed he tensed beside me as she began undoing the bow so I discretely reached over and pinched his side to just get him to calm down. He was so fucking anxious for no reason, it was stupid. He looked down at me and then back at Olivia who was just opening the box.

She had to stand up to peer into it. She stared inside for a good five seconds before standing straight again, looking at Edward, and then looking in the box, and then at Edward. I was starting to feel a bit tense watching her too now so Edward was probably pissing his pants.

She got off of her bed and wandered round her room, the four of us just watching as she did, then she got back on her bed and looked in the box again. She pinched herself and then looked in the box, _again_. Then _the _biggest smile I think I've ever seen anyone have lit up on her face. It was actually quite scary how she got her mouth that big.

"You got me a puppy?!" She squealed, reaching into the box and pulling out the golden Labrador puppy with a pink bow tied round its collar.

"I'll be making food for one more then..." Meg laughed quietly.

"Wow!! This is like, the best present _ever_! Is it a girl or a boy?" She lifted it up and then laughed as it licked her face, its little tail wagging frantically, "I think it's a girl."

I laughed as Edward gave her an incredulous look although I could almost feel his relief pouring out of him, "Yes it's a girl, but she hasn't got a name."

"Ooh! I'm going to call her... Kitty! I have to call grandpa and tell him! And mommy. And Phil! Oh wow! Thank you so much, daddy!" A dog called Kitty. Wow. She had the cutest little bark as well.

"Um, you still haven't opened my present." I said, producing a neatly wrapped box. I had some wrapping skills, seriously, it's because I had to wrap up so much stuff at work, I was a pro. She handed the dog to Edward who pulled a face as it began licking his face.

"God, what the hell have I just got myself into." He muttered under his breath as Olivia went about finding the best way to get into the box, "You didn't have to get her a present, you know."

"Uh, yes I did. I wanted to anyway. And before you even start looking at me like I'm some kind of pauper who's just had to use up their weeks wages buying a gift, I didn't actually spend any money on this. But it _does _cost quite a bit normally. And I do actually make money you know... just not as much as you."

"I didn't even say anything." He said, trying to hide his smug smirk.

"Yeah but you were thinking it." I turned back from Edward to watch Olivia as she took the bracelet I'd given her out of its box, I took it from her hands and went to put it on her wrist, "I had some of the links taken out so it would fit you better." I closed the clasp and let her inspect it.

"What is it?" Alice asked, trying to peer over.

"It's one of those Hello Kitty charm bracelet things."

"What, a proper one?" A proper one? What the hell is that supposed to mean, and why the hell does she sound so surprised? This is the pauper thing all over again isn't it. For gods sake, I did not get it from a dodgy guy in a back street, I didn't steal it, I don't live in the ghetto. Seriously. I'm not actually poor, well maybe in comparison, but in the real world I'm not!

"Yes, a _proper _one." I replied, narrowing my eyes a little at her. She just shrugged and beckoned Olivia over so she could see it. Alice still intimidated me a tiny bit, but since she was the other person I confessed all to, she was higher up on my 'friend' scale. I could at least class her as a friend... I think. I don't know, she still scared me sometimes. But I had permission to narrow my eyes at her without her ripping my face off. Good times.

Edward frowned and went about saying something probably along the lines of 'You can't give her that', 'It's too expensive', 'Was that all of your food money for this week? You poor thing!'. Geez, a few pink sapphires, 18k rose gold and people start going crazy. Like they haven't seen this kind of bling before, it wasn't even that much, only the crown the cat was wearing had a few sapphires in it.

I put my hand on his arm to stop him, "I didn't buy it, it was given to me as a present but it just sat in its box so I thought I'd give it to someone who might appreciate it. Do not say anything." He frowned again and I put my finger on his brow, trying to straighten out the creases in it, "Quit frowning. You'll get wrinkles."

"It's _so_ pretty." Olivia gushed, turning it round on her wrist.

"It is. You've done well, Bella." Oh gee thanks for the approval, Alice. What did she think I was going to get her? Some magic beans? Tell her to throw them outside and grow a beanstalk? Bring up the fact my real name's Jack and do a dance? No. And no I didn't trade my last cow for it either.

"Daddy look, it's even got a crown. It's so cool!"

After Olivia gave thanks to everyone for all the various gifts she's received, spoke to her grandparents and her mother again on the phone and opened all of her cards, all of this with Kitty in tow, she went about getting ready for her birthday tea party. Much to my surprise and hilarity, Edward actually dressed up as a prince, it wasn't so funny when he approached me with a Belle costume from Beauty and The Beast.

I didn't really want to wear it, and I really didn't know if it would fit, I'm like, fourteen and a half weeks. I have a bump. Little though it is, it still stops me from wearing certain things. Yet somewhere between me laughing at Edward and the beginning of the party, I had been squeezed into this blue dress, with the blue bow, the shirt, the hair, everything. If Edward hadn't have looked as ridiculous as I did I would have gone home.

Olivia looked beautiful in her little pink dress, apparently she was sleeping beauty, but I don't know my Disney characters so that meant nothing to me. I know Beauty and The Beast, Snow White and Aladdin, that's it. Still she looked so pretty with her hair all in loose curls. And then that damn dog was following her everywhere. Fucking hell, I have never felt the need to 'aw' so much in my whole life. Everything was so... _cute._ God, I must be sick.

And then all of her little friends were running about the house, and the dog was running behind them, and there were cup cakes, and presents so neatly wrapped and pretty, piled up on top of each other and so much laughter. Apparently everything is hilariously funny when you're six.

Jasper came over to take pictures so Alice was mainly preoccupied shamelessly flirting with him. Edward and I spent most of the afternoon laughing, at each other, at the little girl who felt the need to tell us in detail about her father having an affair and her mother trying to pretend nothing was going on, at Kitty trying to climb the stairs, at everything. I had more energy than usual, I didn't feel like a fucking whale, it was such a nice day, and everything was just good.

"I got such a good photo of you and Edward. Loving the costume by the way." Jasper sat himself on the arm of the chair I was sitting at outside. I'd never noticed but Edward was one of those lucky buggers who actually had a back garden. It wasn't much but it was nice and the sun hit it in just the right way.

"Thanks... and when?" He leant over to show me the pictures on his camera. I hadn't a clue when they had been taken but they were nice pictures, quite a few during one of the many times Edward and I had been laughing about god knows what, "You call yourself a photographer, I call you a stalker." He laughed and nudged my side, "I'm being serious!"

"Have you told him yet?" He asked as he flicked through the camera pictures.

"No... have you told Alice yet?"

"Nope."

"Well at least you know you'll have your affections returned, that's more than I can say for me." I sighed and leaned on the other arm of the chair. From where I was sitting, I could see Edward surrounded by little girls all giggling as he told them something. He looked up and for just a second he caught my eye and smiled.

"Nah, I know Edward, I'm pretty sure this is a mutual thing."

"Hm... well anyway, you have no excuse, seriously dude, you're killing Alice, and you're killing me because I have to listen to her mope about it. Can you just tell her already, please?"

"Well can you just tell Edward and have your baby and play happy families already, please?"

I frowned at him, "That's not at all the same thing."

"Yeah, I know, I'm just trying to prove the point it's not so easy... and when am I going to see you again, it feels like forever since we've had a photo date and you've actually got a little somethin' somethin' now." He tapped my hand that I was subconsciously resting on my stomach. I'd been doing that a lot recently. There wasn't a baby in there; there was a magnet. Literally every five minutes I found my hand just hovering around. I'd be serving someone at work and realise the reason why the cash register was so hard to use nowadays was because I was using my left hand, since my right was preoccupied.

"I've been a bit... busy recently." Busy spending as much time as I possibly could with Edward. I'm hopeless.

"What changed?" Jasper just about stopped me from going into a daydream, I raised my eyebrows questioningly so he carried on, "Between you and E? What changed?"

"Oh... I don't know... We talked, I guess." We just talked.

**EPOV**

Bella was thinking about something. I didn't know what I just knew she was and she had been for the past week now. When she was thinking really hard about something she drew lazy eights on her bump. I'm pretty sure she didn't even realise she was doing it.

All of Olivia's friends had gone home now and I'd say that was a pretty damn good birthday party. There was cake, presents, games, pink fluffy stuff and dress up, what more could a little girl want? She'd probably be 'so over' the whole princess thing this time next year, but until then. She was happy, I was happy, Bella seemed pretty happy, everyone was happy and today was a good day.

Olivia had hidden herself in her room along with her dog and her presents, I think there was a bit of cake up there too, so she was ok until bedtime. I left Bella to her thinking outside, it was late evening but it was still quite warm outside and the sun was only just beginning to fall. Alice and Jasper were in the kitchen so I headed there and sat down at the island, sighing as I did.

"Well. Today's been rather fun."

"Mm, indeed it has. I got some really great shots." Jasper pushed his laptop with his camera attached along the surface until it got to me. He got a lot of good pictures of Olivia and her friends, there were some nice ones of Alice and Bella on here too, and then just Bella and Olivia, and then me and Bella...

"When did you even take half of these, I didn't notice you?"

"Skills, I got them." He winked at me and I just shook my head as I continued to flick through them.

"You've got some really nice ones on here." I said as I admired my friends work. He really did have some crazy skills with a camera. I never really understood how he did it; got the lighting just right, the focus and everything. I just pressed the button and hoped for the best.

"Oh, show him that really nice one of Bella. Honestly Edward, she looks gorgeous." Alice pushed Jasper over so he could show me this photo. Bella looked gorgeous all the time to me so I thought it would just be another picture.

But god damn.

I nearly fell off the chair I was sitting on.

Holy shit, she didn't even just look gorgeous, she was even more than beautiful. She looked like she was literally _glowing_. Like some fucking angel or something. It was one of if not the most beautiful pictures I'd seen. Ever. In my life. As in up there with ultra scan photo's and those things are like magic.

"When did you take this?" I asked quietly, bringing myself closer to the laptop screen as if maybe I could just melt into the picture with her.

"About an hour ago? Maybe more? It wasn't too long ago." I stared at the laptop screen, scanning my eyes over every curve of her body as she sat in the chair outside. The sun on her skin giving her the glowing affect but also something else just seemed to make her light up. Her cheeks tinted with a soft rose. Her lips peachy as she bit down gently on one side. She was just staring off into space as she so often did.

She was thinking. Her brow was slightly furrowed, just ever so slightly, one hand rested on her stomach, the other gripping the arm of the wicker chair. She'd taken her hair out and let it pour over her shoulders, slightly coiffed at the front from where she had clearly ran her hand through and then let it fall how it would, covering just under one half of her face.

And she just looked beautiful. Even in the blue dress and shirt. She looked stunning.

I pushed my chair out and went to leave the room. Both Alice and Jasper watched me quizzically as I strolled out, turning back to them just before I disappeared from view, "That is a beautiful picture, Jas."

---

I stood against the French doors leading outside and watched her. She hadn't moved, at all.

She was sitting in the exact place as the picture, in the exact position, there was just a different light now. It was darker; the sun was hidden now by the buildings around and the air was cooler. And yet she still had a slight glow to her as she sat peacefully. Soft jazz from inside was flowing languidly outside through the speakers.

I stood for I don't know how long just watching her from my distance until she sighed loudly and ran her hand through her hair, turning around to face me and then smiling, "How long have you been standing there?"

"I haven't a clue."

"Hm." She stretched her arms over her head, "How long do you think?"

I smiled, how long did I think? Well I don't know, I didn't look at my watch. Was she just trying to make me confess to watching her for longer than I should have been like some kind of pervert? Because that is exactly what I was doing. Just not like a pervert, "Um... I don't know. Perhaps, maybe, definitely longer than twenty minutes? I think..."

She laughed a little and got up from the chair she was in to stand in front of me, tilting her head and just staring at me, "Will you dance with me?"

"I thought you don't dance?"

"Yeah, I lied. I can dance just fine and anyway, it's all in the lead. Just make sure you're leading me and I'll follow suit."

I held out my hand for her, "Well ok then." She smiled widely and took my hand as I lead her out onto the patio where the little outside lights had come on automatically as well as the little lights in the ivy that wound its way around, over and alongside the garden walls.

I took her hand in mine just as Adele started playing through the speakers, my favourite song of hers, Make You Feel Love. And how I wish I could...

I held Bella close to me and she rested her head on my chest as we slowly swayed, listening to the soulful song fill the back garden, saying probably everything I wish I could, but couldn't. So I let it drift around us. I wasn't even entirely sure how I felt about Bella, all I knew is that I'd do just about anything to make her happy, that I craved her company, that I loved everything about her.

But what could I do.

I couldn't _do_ anything. I wished I could tell her, but I didn't know how. I didn't know how she'd react. I just didn't know. So until I did, I'd settle for this. Having her close to me, because I think that's all I really wanted. It had taken me long enough to figure it out but I guess I just wanted _her_. I wanted to know everything about her, be everything for her, do everything with her. I just wanted her.

"Edward?"

"Mhm?"

"You know you said... that you'd stand by me whatever I decided to do... well did you mean it?" She put her chin on my chest to look up at me, the wind blew a bit moving a load of her hair into her face. I snorted and moved it all out of the way so I could see her face again.

"Of course, yeah, I did." She nodded and put her head against my chest again.

"Well there's a lot of stuff I want to do. And I've thought about it a lot, but I can't do it on my own."

"If you tell me what it is... well I'll do whatever I can to help you."

"Yeah..." She stopped dancing and took her hands outs from mine, using them instead to hold my face, "Just look at me a second." I did what she wanted, I just looked at her whilst she furrowed her brows and stared intently at me, "And you won't leave me to do anything alone?"

I shook my head slowly, "Not if you don't want me to."

"You won't leave me? Just randomly not be there?" I laughed but then saw her face was still completely serious.

"No... I'm pretty sure I won't... wha-?"

"Because I think... I think we both need to find what makes us happy, right? And I think we can if we look together. But you can't leave me half way through, because then we'll just both be lost. Like really lost. And I really need you to help me... and I think I can help you too."

Ok, she's totally lost me.

She dropped her hands from my face and ran them over hers and into her hair, "So..."

"So...?"

"Well let me finish otherwise I'm going to hyperventilate and die. Ok. So..." She breathed out deeply, "So I'm hoping this'll bring us closer to whatever happiness it is we're looking for." I stood staring at her questioningly, waiting for her to finish.

"Ok. Oh my god. Ok. I'm going to keep it."

"Keep what?"

"I'm going to keep the baby. I'm going to keep _our_ baby and I kinda haven't figured this all out yet and it's really scaring me shitless. But yeah, I want it. And it's ours, so..."

. . .

"Are you serious?"

"I don't think I've been more serious about anything in my life. Honestly, I'm serious."

"Really?" I couldn't help the wide smile that came out on my face, "Really, really?"

She mimicked my smile and shrugged, "We're having a baby."

"Real-"

"Yes Edward, really! We're having a baby, really."

HOLY FUCKING HALLELUJAH PRAISE THE MOTHERFUCKING LORD. GOD IS SO FUCKING GOOD.

I... just... fucking yes! Ecstatic didn't even begin to explain how happy I was. I mean. Really? Really, really?! Holy shit. I was actually going to be a dad, again, properly. I did the first thing I could which just so happened to be picking her up and twirling her around. I was _this_ close to kissing her.

"I promise you, you won't regret this." I said as squeezed her as hard as I dared to.

"I know I won't." She said back quietly into the crook of my neck.

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	16. Between Two Lungs

**Disclaimer: I think we need a disclaimer every now and then. So, I know it comes as a bit of a shock, but I don't own these characters. I know, I know, you thought I was SM all this time. Scandalous.**

**Thank you everyone for your reviews, and thanks for reading and thanks to people who recommended this to other people, thank you Julia who once again owns my soul for beta-ing this chapter despite the fact she's probably dying from Swine Flu (as am I, sigh), and just generally, THANK YOU. Snaps for all. Literally, I love the people in the Twilight community, everyone's so lovely, young and old, we're all on the same boat here. Addicted and devoted to the same set of books. And for me, I will for the rest of my life, be particularly faithful to all that is, was and will be Robward. Or any form of Rob in fact. Amen to that.  
**

**Song: Between Two Lungs- **Florence + The Machine

**BPOV**

Edward frowned and leaned in the door way of his main foyer, looking at me inquisitively, "So...?"

"So...?" I almost sighed as I began fiddling with my fingernails, trying my very, very hardest not to start crying because crying right now would just not be cool. Not cool at all.

"So, what happened?"

"So I just ruined some people's lives. Oh and my brother hates me." I murmured in a stupidly nasal voice, staring angrily at the floor as if it had personally done something to me. The floor was just there for me to walk all over, just like I walked all over the hearts of that family. Just like... ok I can't think of any more similes, but I felt like the biggest bitch to ever walk the earth. Ever. _E-V-E-R._

Think Janice Dickinson on a really bitchy annoying day, times it by a billion and then you get me.

I felt even worse than the incident with Olivia and the door.

My tear ducts were at the ready, my eyes were really struggling to keep them contained so I tilted my head up to look at the ceiling and started to think of all the different types of meow's Hammy had. It wasn't really working as a distraction, I still had to clench my teeth and blink a lot as I stared up and the crystal chandelier. I'd nearly cried all the way here, and believe me, I should really know, crying is draining and frustrating after about five seconds. Also, I'm twenty four, it just gets scary after the age of like, eighteen.

Edward sighed and uncrossed his arms as I continued to speak through clenched teeth, "Emmett hasn't spoken to me since I told him. There's a leak coming into my apartment from upstairs. The elevators broken. I _really_ don't want those blood tests to show anything bad... I think Hammy has a cold. And then that family... obviously I didn't tell them, the agency will but..."

I cleared my throat before I went on, a traitor tear escaping down my face. Because I was looking up, gravity just meant it went down to my ears as opposed to down my cheek.

"They must really hate me right now. I think _I_ hate me right now. I really, really... suck. Imagine how horrible it must be, thinking maybe you could have your own little family or whatever, and then someone just deciding to be greedy goes and snatches everything away from you to keep for themselves. I feel like a selfish, uncaring cow. I'm a really horrible person. No wonder everyone hates me."

"Bella, you're not a horrible person and I'm pretty sure no one hates you. You hadn't made any sort of 'final decision', nothing was set in stone. I'm sure your brother just... well I don't know, it's probably just a shock. I'm sure he'll come round."

I brought my hands up to either side of my face and shook my head before looking at him, "Emmett hasn't spoken to me in a _week_. A whole week. The last time he didn't talk to me for a week purposefully was when I was six and he was sixteen and he _actually _said he hated me. Well apparently, I can't really remember, but that's not the point. I don't know when he's going to, _if _he's going to. And then I still haven't told Charlie... oh god... and Olivia..." I dragged my hands down my face and stuttered as I breathed out.

Another stupid fucking tear fell down my face. Fucking hell. They should have one of me in every country that has a lack of clean water. Ok, it's salt water so that wouldn't really work out so well, but they could filter my tears or something. All they would have to do is ask me to tell them about my life and tadah, water for a month. I am the answer to drought.

There was a long silence while I stood there with my hands covering my face, trying to stop myself from crying but still sniffling anyway, and Edward just watched. I don't know why his house was so quiet, there was no one around. Edward wasn't even supposed to be here, he just had to come home from work to 'do something' and then he was going back. I was pretty lucky he was in, I hadn't called ahead, I just turned up. I don't know what it was he'd come back to do though.

"Maybe..." I took my hands away from my face to look at Edward who seemed to be having a hard time contemplating something or other, "Maybe... you should... I mean if this is making you this unhappy and your life unnecessarily harder, then..." He looked up at me and then slid his hands into the pockets of his suit pants, "Then maybe you should... reconsider. Your decision. I mean, I'll be there either way and-"

"Edward, I'm not changing my mind." I huffed in disbelief, wiping away any tears. Still with the stupid voice, damn nose. I mean, yeah, I can see what he's trying to do, but it's a bit late to change my mind now, even if I wanted to. And I didn't anyway. And I _know_ he didn't want me to. God, now I even had him talking shit.

"I've done enough thinking to last me a life time, really. I'm just a bit weepy because... well I always am, and I knew it was going to be hard because I did, I just didn't realise things would be this hard _already_. I'm just... I'll be fine. I will, eventually, somehow, I think." I put my hands under my eyes to dab away any wetness, it would be a bit stupid to be giving my 'I'm fine' speech whilst crying a river.

"Things are just a bit shitty, that's all. I feel pretty bad and my nose is blocked, hence the voice." I said smiling a little and gesturing to myself, "So I sound like an idiot, but whatever. I don't know, I'll figure it out I guess. God, I just barged in here, _again_, just so I can be mopey."

He sighed and tilted his head before shaking it, "Ok. Well, you know if you need anything..."

I ran my hand through my hair and smiled at him reassuringly, "I _need_ someone to hold my hand and tell me that everything's going to be ok, even if it's not. I _need_ someone to bring me Chinese in the middle of the night because I get hungry about then. And I probably need a hug right about now."

Almost as soon as I finished, Edward stood straight, brushed himself down and then held his arms out, beckoning me over with this smug 'you so need me' smile on his face. And I really did. So I scoffed and rolled my eyes and pretended I didn't want to skip over to him whilst throwing glitter in the air. How the hell did he even do that? I was feeling shit a whole ten seconds prior.

His arms went round my middle as mine slid up his back, my hands grasping onto the back of shirt just a little, my face hidden in his chest. I felt and heard him sigh into my hair as I did and I thanked god my face was hidden because I could feel them colouring just a smidgen, "You smell nice." I said absent mindedly.

"Thanks... I thought you had a stuffed nose?" he chuckled.

"I do, but you always smell nice so I'm just imagining you do now, too." I couldn't smell Edward at all, well not in real life, but in my mind he smelt good, so that was fine. Maybe something I should have just kept in my head and not said out loud but oh well.

"Oh, ok..." he said sounding rather amused, "Well I'm rather comfortable standing here with my head in your hair, it gives off a rather pleasant aroma."

"...You could just say it smells nice. But thanks." We stood for a moment just hugging each other. I had to go to work, I'm sure he did too, but I wasn't quite done yet. He was pretty comfy and I was pretty sad, so it all worked out. Well for me anyway, for all I know he could've been trying to subtly expel me from clutching his body.

"I told my parents." He said quietly. I pulled back to look at him and then I dropped my arms and let go of him completely, now just staring at him while he looked back at me. It was annoying how I felt all tingly once I let go, I could almost hear my hands screaming 'noooooooooo' whilst trying to reach back out to him.

"Um, they were both pretty excited. My mom especially. I actually told her about...all of this when I found out. I'm pretty much a momma's boy, I always talk to her when I don't know what to do." He watched me as if he was waiting for me to lash out and rip his face off, I really do not know why though. I wasn't angry at all, I was insanely jealous if anything.

I combed my hair to one side and sighed, frowning at the ground, "You're so lucky. You tell people, they're happy, I tell people, they stop talking to me. I am absolutely dreading telling my dad..."

"What about your mom?" I realised we hadn't really talked much about our parents and I really didn't want to now. Still my stomach sunk way down to the very tip of my toe and I could feel my brow continue to crease. He'd never directly asked me anything about her before, I'd always been able to change the subject and hope he didn't realise, because honestly, I couldn't tell him anything about her. I didn't know much.

"She died when she had me." I said quietly, trying to shrug off this annoying weight that seemed desperate to push me down low enough that I became a disc on the ground.

"Oh... I'm sor-"

"I've really got to get to work. I'm late, again." I said feigning surprise and amusement as I looked at my wrist. I fidgeted with the hem of my tunic, offering him some really lame excuse of a smile and he sort of half smiled back, "So, I'll see you tomorrow, at the clinic?"

He nodded slowly, it looked like all that was in that pretty head of his was air as his did it. But he shook his head and looked normal again before saying, "Yeah, sorry. Yes."

"Good. Ok... bye." I smiled a little wider, walking around him and showing myself to the door. As soon as I stepped out of the house, I sighed deeply and my fake smile disappeared, instantly trading places with a dark, glum expression. An expression I wore at I trudged down the sidewalk until I got tired and just caught a bus for the rest of the journey.

Sigh.

---

"I can't believe you've kept me in the dark for so long, I'm completely out of the loop here." Angela laughed as I emptied a jar of gobstoppers into their case. There was hardly anyone in the shop today, which was unusual but rather pleasant. It meant I could just bum around with Angela, eating candy and still get paid. Score.

"I know, I'm sorry, I've just been so distracted recently. Literally, my brain is about to pop." I shook my head, picking up another jar and doing the same with the Liquorice Wheels and then again with the Sour Spaghetti.

"Ok, well carry on telling me what happened. You went to prom, had sex and then...?" I sighed and took out a lollipop from the handful I was holding.

"And then I cried and lit up in the bathroom, but in my defence, it was an emergency and that was my first cigarette in like a month or so. And he hung around outside the bathroom door until I came out."

"And then...?"Angela's eyes widened as she stared at me as I unwrapped the lolly and put it in my mouth, "Sorry, this is just pretty interesting." I smiled and shrugged trying to recall accurately what actually happened.

_I stood in front of Edward, him in his boxers and me in my bathrobe, with my head resting on the wood of the doorway to my bathroom. I just spent a mini forever in that bathroom, god knows how he managed to get me to come out, I think I was pretty much ready to handcuff myself to the sink._

"_I'm _so _sorry." I gurgled in some less hysterical state, "I'm so sorry. I totally took advantage of you. I can't believe myself... I... we... just... what the fuck am I doing with my life?" And again with the hysterics._

_Just to make it impossibly worse, Edward was completely calm and lovely and trying to get me to stop which ended in the complete opposite reaction, "We... shouldn't... have... done... that." I sobbed, my words barely coherent, "And now... I've messed everything... up."_

"_Last time I checked, sex was at least a two person thing. You didn't do it alone. So I'm sorry for taking advantage of you. I mean, emotionally I think I'm more stable than you are. I should have stopped."_

_My lip pouted out as fresh tears spewed over, "Great, so I'm some kind of emotional danger zone. Maybe there should be a sign... above my head... that tells people to just... steer clear of me. Like, 'don't go near her, she'll rape you'." I put my hands over my face and cried into them._

"_And I cry all the fucking time!" Now even more irritated with myself than before, I went to lock myself back in the bathroom and possibly take out another emergency cigarette, but Edward caught my hand and turned me back._

_He didn't say anything he just led me back through my bedroom and into my living area while I followed lamely behind, still blubbering and stuttering like something ridiculous. That's the only way I could describe myself; ridiculous. I really needed to get a fucking grip._

_He sat down on the sofa and then pulled me down to sit across his lap so I actually felt and looked like an overgrown child throwing some sort of tantrum, "Talk to me." He said simply, waiting for me to start._

_I took a deep breath, "Ok, well... we shouldn't have gone that far. We _can't_ do that." I shook my head, my breathing still completely irregular. "But we did and now it's going to be all messed up and weird."_

"_It'll only be messed up and weird if we make it so. So we'll just pretend it didn't happen if you want. But I agree we shouldn't have gone that far. I hold myself chiefly responsible."_

"_But it did happen and it was me... seriously, you weren't in my head... it was definitely me."_

_He gave a rather sinister laugh and shook his head, "No I wasn't in your head, but you weren't in mine either." I sighed and fell back on him, my cheek pressed against his bare chest. The hair there softly grazing the side of my face, making the liquid trails left by my tears scatter off around my cheek._

"_What are we doing?" I asked quietly as my breath stuttered again._

_Edward put his arm around my waist and hugged me gently to him, "I haven't a clue. But I'm sure whatever it is, we'll figure 'it' out and all shall be well. I think." The tips of his fingers subconsciously drifted to my stomach, sketching little shapes on the satin material of my bathrobe._

"_I hope." He said, barely audibly into my hair. I really hoped so too, I really did._

I told Angela how after that, we just sat in silence until I fell asleep and when I woke up the next morning, he'd put me into my bed and left a post-it note on the fridge door with a smiley face and message saying 'Come round soon, you need to help me chose Livvy a birthday present. I can't do it alone!'. I'd smiled at it, then sighed, then fed my cat. I went with him to get the present, it took hours and we ended up in a pet shop, much to Edwards disliking.

Olivia loved her dog, we were keeping our baby, my apartment was falling apart thanks to upstairs, Edward and I had found ourselves in some weird relationship I can't find the words to describe, and now I was here, telling it all to Angela.

"Wow. But that is so good Bella, congratulations! You're having a baby, that is so exciting!" I took the lollipop from my mouth and leant my elbow on the counter beside the cash register, my back to the rest of the shop.

"It is isn't it? It hasn't hit me yet though, I'm just like... blah. I keep saying it to myself over and over, and still nothing. It's annoying." Angela put her hands into the front pocket of her white apron and tilted her head to the side. It really was annoying, if I knew other people were going to be disappointed, the least I could do was be excited.

I was having a motherfluffing baby for god's sake. I _should _be excited. God, it was like Peter Pan, but instead of fairies, I found myself chanting, 'I do believe in babies, I do, I do. I _do_ believe in babies, I do.' Still, completely hopeless.

"Say it." She suggested, but what the hell was saying it going to do. I gave her an incredulous look, "Out loud." She continued, waving her hands in a forward motion as some sort of encouragement, "Say it."

"What, I'm having a baby?" She rolled her eyes and laughed.

"Woah there Bella, don't blow me over with all that enthusiasm, geez. Come on, it's exciting, say it like it's exciting!"

I narrowed my eyes and smiled, holding the lollipop in one hand whilst waving them both around in the air, "I'm having a baby." I said blandly, earning a glare and shaking of the head from Angela. I sighed.

"I'm having a baby. I'm having a baby. B-a-b-y. I'm having one." I tried more enthusiastically, in fact so much so it was just scary.

"Feels good, doesn't it." She laughed as I continued to say it over and over. The annoying thing was, after the tenth time, it did start to feel good.

"I'm having a baby." I said, a wide smile beginning to creep on my face, "I'm having a baby! A real one! And it'll be fine, I think. Edward said so. And if he's fine, I'm fine, and boy is he _fine_. And he's lovely and generous and gorgeous and wonderful and, ah. We're having a baby."

I sighed rather dreamily putting my hand under my chin, now honestly contented with my revelation. Maybe not yet _excited_, but satisfied. Satisfaction would do me for now. I popped the lollipop back into my mouth and smiled.

"Well, congratulations." A usually very welcome, but right now very not, voice said from behind me, amusement clear in the tone. My face dropped as I stared at Angela who was standing there laughing at me. Angela had a really infectious laugh, mainly because it was just so fucking weird, she sounded like some kind of horse on speed or something. It was ridiculous. I loved it and usually it had me pissing myself just hearing her, but not right now.

I closed my eyes and scrunched up my face, internally slapping myself as I slowly turned around to face who I knew was there. Who I wish wasn't there, but was. "Hey, Edward...." Of course he had to be standing there. Of all the _zero times _he's ever come in here, he _had _to walk in then. Of course he did.

"Hello, Bella." Fucking. Hell.

I opened my mouth to say something, but the only thing I could think to say was 'epic fail'. Angela was still laughing at me, I don't even think she realised that _Edward _Edward was standing there. As in _Edward. My _Edward. Baby daddy Edward. She was just laughing like a horse, totally oblivious to everything.

I just nodded slowly and then titled my head to the side while he rather flagrantly tried to hide a smile, "Uh... can you give me just a second?"

He nodded once and laughed a little. I turned around to Angela, who was wiping away her tears and made a face which I hope effectively conveyed my need to die.

Why? Just why?

**EPOV**

My day seemed to be going really slow after Bella left and I went back to work. Really fucking slow. It was just one of those days where I really wanted to be _somewhere_ I just didn't know where that place was. All I knew was that I didn't want to be where I was; at work. But no pain no gain, right.

Nothing new was going on, everyone went about their lives like they did every single day. I'd done all the work I could for the moment, so I spent about an hour throwing a rubber ball against one of the walls in my office. I hadn't realised how therapeutic the small thud it made with each bounce was, I began throwing and catching it subconsciously, letting my mind drift into other things.

The July heat was really something, so I'd opened all the windows to let in a breeze and also the sounds of congestion and the general flow of New York life. Again, alongside the small thuds, I seemed to be roving between reality and some weird hypnotic state of thought.

Between the thuds I thought over the conversation Bella and I had had earlier, what she'd said, what I'd said. _I _had been the one who mentioned her reconsidering. After everything, I asked her to think about reconsidering. I'd convinced myself it was entirely for her benefit but now I thought about it, was it really? Was I actually saying it just for her or was there a small part of me somewhere hoping maybe she would?

And maybe, if she had, she would have still come to same conclusion, and that was that, we'd both be happy. But then maybe not.

The more I thought this over, I began to realise, I was freaking out. Up until now, I was just hoping she would keep the baby, and now she was... I hadn't planned that far ahead. I think the part of my brain that had prepared for complete disappointment had completely infiltrated the part that hadn't. Thus my initial reaction was excitement, I was completely and utterly thrilled as well as surprised.

But then when that wore off, albeit it's a week later and to be honest, it hasn't worn off, I was left with... _this_. A little box of fears that seemed to be accumulating more things every other day. But what the fuck was _I _even scared of? Well, apparently, quite a bit.

Bella's a grown woman. She has a life, she lives in her own apartment, she has a job she has a family, she has friends. I can't possibly be where she is all the time, and that's just normally, never mind with a baby. And what if she needs me to be there, because she will, and I'm just not. It takes about twenty minutes for me to get from my house to hers, in the car, with no traffic. The thing about 'no traffic' is, _we live in New York_. A lot could happen in twenty minutes; a lot _more_ could happen in more than twenty minutes.

And maybe it might be nothing major, but then what if it was? And where the hell would I be? I said I wouldn't leave her to do it all alone, but I've already broken that promise, because from what I could tell, she'd be doing a hell of a lot of it alone. And that wasn't my fault, but that arrangement already didn't work.

Her apartment had a god damn leak as well, and a broken elevator. That means she has to climb up five storeys with two sets of stairs between them, and that's just one journey. I make that twenty sets of stairs for her to climb up and down, going in and out her apartment block each day. I'd climbed those stairs, I knew that was no fun, they were steep as hell.

She said her mom died when she had her. She'd never mentioned that before and she seemed pretty reluctant to earlier. It seemed like Bella and I had discussed everything _except_ for the things that really mattered. What if what her mother died of was some kind of hereditary condition that Bella had too? Would this pregnancy be putting her life at any sort of risk?

And now I really fucking thought about it, her blood pressure had been pretty high _for her_ the last time we went to the clinic. But that's a mandatory check, high blood pressure is something that's looked out for in all pregnant women. Her mom may have simply died from a complication. Complications happen.

I just don't like complications. Complications means your plans aren't running smoothly. I like smooth.

What if a complication happened and I wasn't there? I'd get there as soon as possible, but what if that was too late?

Jasper walked into my office round about then, singing some Kings of Leon song and totally killing my mojo. Apparently, in my bubble of thought, I had begun to bounce the ball faster, so when I actually came to think about what I was doing, I lost the rhythm and dropped it. Jasper picked it up and started throwing it in the air, spouting about something or other, I wasn't really paying attention.

He seemed to realise and told me to go and do whatever it was I was thinking about doing. Like with Alice, it was weird how he just knew what the hell I was thinking about, he said it's because I stand like a woman when I'm worrying. How the fuck do you 'stand like a woman'?

Either way, I left him throwing and catching the ball in my office and made my way out of building to where I currently stand, in an empty, apart from the three of us in it, light, colourful candy shop by the name Sweet Tooth. Bella standing with her back to me, in front of a lanky woman who laughed a lot like a horse but had quite a pretty face.

She wasn't laughing so much anymore though, she seemed to be having some silent conversation with Bella, and since I couldn't see Bella's face, I had to go by hers to try to understand what they were 'talking' about. At first there was a small amount of amusement, then she frowned in seeming lack of understanding, then she looked at me and then did a double take and said, "_No way_." Looking rather astounding.

And then Bella disappeared behind the counter, leaving both me and lanky woman looking befuddled until her arm reached up from the depths of nowhere, and pulled Lanky down with her. There was a hushed conversation, giggles and shushing I'm sure was coming from Bella.

I couldn't help myself, I found the whole thing to be rather amusing, so I leant over the counter to see the two of them crouched down beside each other.

"I can't believe that's him. Bella, your child is going to be beautiful. Can I steal it when you have it? Oh my god, I'm going to knit it a little hat." Lanky gushed, squeezing her hands together.

"You knit?" Bella asked.

"Yeah, Ben get's a lot of holes in his clothes and I used to do it with my Gran when I was younger. Really handy."

"Oh right... anyway, does my face look ok?" Lanky looked her over and nodded, "Hair?" Again another nod, "I can't believe he's here. He's _never _here."

"Seriously, I can't believe _we're_ down _here._ I would be raping him hardcore right now. If I could. Ok, I'm lying, I really, _really _wouldn't be, but alas, a girl can dream, right?" ... cough.

"Yeah well, I've already done that." Bella sighed, and then the two looked between each other and laughed quietly into their hands.

"Well aren't you the lucky one." Lanky nudged her side. I did actually piece together that this must have been Angela, but I enjoyed referring to her as Lanky. It set her apart from other Angela's, you know.

"Honestly? I can't even begin to tell you just _how _lucky." Bella snorted and the pair giggled again. It was kind of like watching some lame teenage sitcom. I was half expecting Bella to bring up the fact I 'totally took her to prom and we totally kissed, oh my god'. Maybe I shouldn't have been listening in, but these insinuations were certainly not doing anything bad to my ego and it was rather amusing, so I carried on. Like the bad, bad man I am.

"Do you think it'll work, all of this? I think it would be so much easier if we were..." She stopped and frowned, "But the only reason we're even _friends_ is because of me being pregnant. Sometimes I think... maybe if I wasn't, he wouldn't really give a shit about me, and we wouldn't be friends. We wouldn't be anything. He'd just be some guy I slept with."

She combed her fingers through her hair, gathering it all to one side, twisting it round her hand and then letting it uncoil on her shoulder. I loved it when she did that; all one side of her neck exposed, her skin so clear and smooth.

"I'm so glad we're _something_. I'm not entirely sure what we are... we're so weird. But I'm glad I have him there. And sometimes he makes me feel pretty darn special, like maybe I mean something to someone. But I can't help think he's not really there _for me_. That if there was no baby there'd be no us, and I think it's partly true. I just wish it wasn't."

There was a brief silence between the two, "He's still waiting there, you know."

"Yeah... do you think he can hear us? Because if he can I think I should probably just slit my wrists with some liquorice swords right about now."

Lanky looked up directly at me and I openly cringed since I'd been found out, but she just raised an eyebrow and smiled to herself, "I doubt he can, we're talking pretty quietly." Well thank fuck for that. I silently thanked Angela and moved back to lean on the counter as if I'd been standing there waiting the whole time. I'm sneaky like that. Like a ninja.

It was another twenty six seconds before they popped up again, Bella with a shy smile on her face, "Sorry about... that... just had to sort out, uh...."

"Some candy problems?"

"Yeah... something like that." She laughed, biting the corner of her lip. I got distracted for a second by her lips, they looked so peachy and smooth I just wanted to touch them... but I knew she was waiting for some explanation as to what I was doing here, so I cut that staring shit right out and got to it.

"Can I take you out for lunch? Late lunch. I know you snack around midday but then I also know you get hungry again around now ish. And I don't think we've done lunch before. I don't think we've done anything before actually." It didn't take me very long to realise Bella subconsciously worked to an imaginary timetable. Unless something else came up, she stuck to her own basic structure every day. I could probably tell her what she would be doing in the next hour better than she could.

"Um..." she looked back at Angela who had begun sorting through plastic containers as not to look like she was listening in, although it was rather obvious she was.

"You don't have to say yes." I continued, straightening myself as she glanced back at me, "I was just wondering. I guess... I just wanted to see you. But if you're busy it's fine."

Lanky spoke up then, "Go ahead Bella, I mean, I know we're _so_ busy today, but I think I'll make it alone." Bella asked if she was sure and once she'd been convinced that the shop wouldn't burn down without her in it, although I'm pretty sure the chances of it doing so were higher _with_ her in it, she turned back to me and smiled.

"What about your work?"

"I'm making now my lunch break. I wasn't really doing much anyway." Well, if throwing a rubber ball against a wall counts as 'much', then that was a lie, I was very busy. Until Jasper came in. In fact, what the hell was Jasper even doing there?

"Oh, ok. Well then, that would be really lovely. I'll, uh, just get my bag." Lovely. It would be. It meant I could spend at least the next two hours staring at her, trying to convince myself she'll be fine, that I'll do what I can, that maybe she'll see I'm doing this for her more than anyone else.

Because I could. Because I wanted to. Because I wanted her to be happy.

Because I wanted_ her._

---

"Are you sure you don't want anything?" Bella asked, putting her cutlery onto the plate and tilting her head at me. I raised up my coffee cup and took a sip.

"I'm fine with this, I was treating you anyway." She smiled down at her now empty plate of spinach ravioli.

"I haven't eaten ravioli in so long. I had mushroom ravioli once when I was a lot younger and I loved it so much but apparently I'm really allergic to mushrooms so I nearly died. Which was great. It's like my favourite meal and I can't eat it."

I put the cup down and smiled at her, "I'll make you ravioli some time. A really nice one, then that can be your favourite." We were sitting outside of a small cafe I liked to come to from time to time. I normally came here alone with just a book, sitting under the canopy outside, watching the relatively quiet goings on of these exclusive backstreets. The sun always managed to find it though; it always managed to find just the spot I was sitting in and then remain thereabouts until it started to set.

Usually I got extremely pissed off. The sun was a complete dick when it wanted to be, but right now I couldn't thank it any more. As usual, I sat in _my_ chair, the sun hit me in the same annoying way it always did, even with the canopy, except now it hit Bella too. It illuminated her in such a way I couldn't help but gawp. If she had a beard and sandals I would have called her Jesus, but she was far too beautiful and she wasn't male, so an angel would do.

An angel. An angel with a somewhat endearing habit of humming while she eats, and moving her feet a lot under the table, "I didn't know you could cook...?" She said her eyes a tad wider, almost with excitement.

"Oh, well, I can't... but I can learn. It can't be that hard, right?"

"I'll teach you how to make it." She tapped my hand patronisingly and I laughed as she looked to the side and seemed to drift off in thought for a while before. She didn't say anything for a while, eventually she turned back and just sat watching at me. I opened my mouth to say something finally at the exact time she did.

"You go first." I said to her but she shook her head,

"No... you go. I'll ask after."

"Well, ok. I'll just cut to the chase. If you want, you can stay with us until your apartment is fixed. That leak doesn't sound too great and neither does the broken elevator. You won't be imposing since I'm offering, it's really no hassle and we have enough unused guest rooms. It would also work for my peace of mind; you and those stairs is seeming like a bit of a health and safety risk. No offence."

"None taken." She thought for a while and then spoke, "Thanks, for being so nice, but I'm going to have to turn you down. Really, I'm ok and whether you say I am or not, I'll feel like I'm butting in on something. Those stairs are my main form of exercise everyday anyway. But really, thank you for offering."

"Seriously? You can bring your cat, he might not get on so well with Kitty... but then again maybe they'd be fine. She'd have someone to keep her company when Olivia's not around." That really was one hell of an offer. Edward Cullen with a cat in the house, damn. I was willing to put up with the hairs and everything.

Bella laughed, "No, I can't... really I couldn't."

"Hm, ok. But if your living standards deteriorate further than just a leak, I'm really going to have to insist. Now what were you going to say?" She leant forward, resting her elbow on the table and then her hand under her chin.

"...It doesn't matter anymore." I sat forward in my chair my face matching hers; smile in check.

"C'mon, tell me." She shook her head, "Please?" Again she refused, hiding her small grin behind her hand. To be honest I didn't even care that much anymore for what it was she was going to say, I just wanted to see her look the way she did right now all the time. The glow from the sun picking each red highlight of her hair, every slightly lighter brown. Her face warm and cheerful. Her eyes bright and alert. She was beautiful just like this; just the way she was.

It seemed so ridiculous that underneath it all she was stressed over things she needn't be. She was supposed to be happy. She'd say 'she was fine' no need to worry. But she wasn't fine at all, she was just making do. On Olivia's birthday she said we both had to find what made us happy. I'm not so sure about myself but I'd search to the ends of the earth and back for whatever made her happy.

Just thoughts like that made me a bit happier within myself; I _wanted_ to make her happy, so badly. I'm not entirely sure why, I just think she deserved it. Didn't everyone deserve it? If not for happiness, then what's the point to life? I needed to find my happiness, then I could find my point, my purpose.

And hell, if she was willing to help me then I was more than certainly going to help her find what made her happy. What made her who _she_ was. We'd find her point, and maybe I'd find mine along the way too.

She looked down at the table, her plate having been taken away, a twirled a lock of hair around one of her fingers, "I was going to ask... whether you woul-"

"Ah, Edward, so nice to see you here." Bella stopped talking and looked up at the two women standing beside me. I sighed audibly and sat back in my seat, wondering what the fuck these two were even doing talking to me. I didn't need to look up at them, I knew the voice too well. Annoying as ever.

"I wish I could say the same for you." I muttered under my breath, glancing up at Bella who looked like she was sitting in awe of the two scheming, evil witches standing beside me. Actually, that was just Camille. Beatrix was a lovely lady, it's a shame the same couldn't be said for the people she was friends with.

"I see you move on quickly." Camille sneered, looking over at Bella who appeared to shrink further back into her chair, "Oh come on, introduce us."

I was seeing little-to-no reason as to why I should, Bella didn't need to know who these women were. Camille was really the mouth piece for the two. They were both from wealthy families, married to wealthy men, and generally living wealthy lives. As far as I could tell, Beatrix was sated with her lifestyle; Camille was just bored.

There was little else for her to do aside from lunching, shopping, tanning and making a lot of people's lives miserable. She loved that. She was, is, always has been since they were born or something stupid like that, Tanya's best friend.

She was, is, always has been _hated_ by me. I couldn't stand the woman. So all I could do was roll my eyes, and think maybe if I introduced her, then I could get rid of her quicker, "This is-"

"Camille Von Essen. Nice...or not so nice to meet you. I'd shake your hand but I think I have an allergy to cotton-polyester blend clothing and I'm going to the Varsity Polo tomorrow. I don't want to have a rash." She flicked her dark black hair to the side and smirked.

"She's Tanya's best friend." I said to Bella. That seemed reason enough as to why she wasn't going to be nice.

"Ah, so she knows who Tanya is then? I kinda thought she was just the nanny or something. But then why would you be taking the nanny out, hm?"

"Are you Bella?" Beatrix asked, moving herself to the other side of Camille. I didn't mind Beatrix. Beatrix was nice. I actually have no idea why Tanya was even friends with her, whenever she was round or they went out, she'd just complain that she was being 'too nice' and 'trying so hard to be on everyone's Christmas card list'.

"Um... yeah, I am...?" Bella looked between me and the blonde woman who was currently beaming at her with her bright eyes and rosy cheeks, as if I had a clue why the fuck she knew who she was.

"Oh! I'm Beatrix Hadley, lovely to meet you, just call me Bea. I think I've heard about you from my daughter? She's friends with Olivia, she was talking about you once."

"Oh _you're _Bella? I've heard about you. Well actually Bea told me. I've not heard of you before, you don't live round here do you?"

"Uh, well not _here_, I live in Brooklyn." Camille ran her hand through her dark hair, a rather condescending smile on her face.

"Oh _Brooklyn_, huh? Is it nice down there?" Ok, she was just going to be a bitch. I couldn't take it normally and I especially wasn't about to take it if she was going to do it so obviously to Bella, right in front of me. Oh I don't think so.

"Ok, Camille, you've introduced yourself, now leave."

Apparently she wasn't going to listen to me, "But I heard you were pregnant?" Bella shifted uncomfortably in her seat as Camille turned her attention to me, "I didn't know you were into charity cases, Edward. I mean Brooklyn, you really down scaled. And clothes from where, Wal-Mart? _And_ she's pregnant. Wow, you're like Mother Theresa nowadays."

Maybe if I was more heroic than I actually am, I would have stood up hands on hips, chest puffed out, chin held high, and told her that hell fucking yeah was I Mother Theresa and Bella wasn't some charity case anyway. But I'm not. I'm a pussy, so I didn't. But I was really freakin' pissed off. To the point where if I was a woman I would have totally bitch slapped her. She was way out of line.

"Camille, go away." I said, gritting my teeth together as I looked intently ahead at Bella who was staring awkwardly down at the table cloth.

"Ok, you're just going to be a bitch today, let's go. I'm so sorry about this Edward." Bea smiled at me apologetically as she tried to usher her friend away. It's a shame the cow didn't want to leave yet.

"Hm, now what would have you so interested in _her_?" I gripped the sides of my chair as I watched Bella's face sadden and her whole body subconsciously shrivel into itself. Leaning forward, I stroked my fingers over the back of her hand in a pitiful attempt to comfort her. Had the table not been there to stop me, I probably would have pulled her into some strong embrace and not let go.

"Oh! I get it." Camille laughed sardonically, clapping her hands together, "This is some kind of Prince and the Pauper thing you've got going on here." She said patronizingly gesturing between Bella and I, "That's pretty cute Edward, even for you. But why would you... oh my god." She looked genuinely shocked and I wondered what it was she thought she'd discovered.

"Oh. My. God!" She said again, laughing this time and looking at Bea who seemed just as confused as I did, "You knocked her up, didn't you? She's pregnant with _your_ baby! Oh dear, Edward. That is shameful, don't you think. I mean, major faux pas on your part."

Ok, you know when enough is enough, if she wasn't leaving then we were. Taking out more money than we owed and leaving it on the table, I got up from my chair, barging past Camille with as much force as I could without being caught for harassment, over to where Bella sat basically in a ball.

I lifted her chin so she was looking directly at me, her eyes sad and embarrassed. So far from what they'd looked like just minutes ago. I frowned and looked seriously back at her as she twisted her mouth and tried to look away, but I wouldn't let her. I wanted her to find some sort of reassurance within my eyes and I think she found it, or at least a bit of it.

I took her hand and pulled her up from her seat, interlocking my fingers with hers, squeezing it a little as she stood behind me; shielded from the woman in front. I wasn't one for causing a scene in public and we seemed to have accumulated more attention than I'd have liked just by being the only people standing up staring daggers at each other. Well I was staring daggers at Camille, and she was staring them back.

It probably looked like some kind of old western. I could hear the music in my head; I wouldn't have been surprised if some tumbleweed rolled across the floor and we pulled out our guns. But I don't have a gun and we're not in a western, we're in New York, so that probably wouldn't go down so well.

"You should stop concerning yourself with other people's relationships and maybe focus on your own. For one, I think the possibility of _your _husband screwing his PA right now is pretty high. But then, he must get pretty bored of a moody mare such as yourself. I know the concept of being nice isn't within your understanding but I really think you should consider it. Being a bitch makes you ugly, I don't think any amount Botox can save you now.

"Oh and Bella isn't some 'charity case', I guess you still feel a bit bitter that I wouldn't sleep with you, because you know, I have morals, and I'm loyal, if you're going to tell Tanya anything, maybe you should tell her that, and of course I have standards that you just don't meet. Bella does, not that she has to, but she does. She tops them if anything, so I can understand you being pissed that, you know, someone who lives in Brooklyn is better than you.

"And yes, we are having a baby, and we're rather excited about it actually. So."

Camille snorted, pulling her Blackberry out from the designer bag that was daintily placed on her wrist, "Well, maybe a congratulation is in order. I won't be the one to give it, however." She pressed a number she had on speed dial and then put the phone to her ear, giving Bella and I a look over before turning her back to us and walking away, Bea in tow.

She waved and smiled, mouthing 'Congratulations' as she followed behind.

Fucking Camille. I'm really not a hater, but I hate that woman. I dislike my ex-wife, I hate her best friend. And hate is a strong word... so maybe I despise her with the burning intensity of a thousand desert suns. Yeah.

I sighed, still keeping my hand tightly gripped around Bella's as we walked out and back down the street, "I'm really sorry about... her. I don't know where the hell she came up with that. If she even... god."

"It's ok..." Bella mumbled keeping her eyes down on the sidewalk although her hand was still within my grasp.

"No, it's really not ok, you don't deserve to be spoken to or about like that. Nor does anybody else. That woman is just so... so... vile."

"Well, it's not like anything she said wasn't true." She said quietly, not moving her gaze from her feet. I stopped walking and turned to look at her, frowning. She stopped herself and looked back at me, slightly confused. As if she was surprised that I would disagree.

"Bella, that's not true." It wasn't true, I didn't have a clue what the hell she was going on about. None of what Camille said was true, she was just being spiteful for the sake of being spiteful because that's what she did; she was petty like that. She thrived on that.

Bella and I stood in the middle of the sidewalk just staring at each other, random passersby totally oblivious to us and vice versa. I knew what she was inadvertently saying, I just didn't know why she was saying it when it was so obviously _not _true. She gently let go of my hand, allowing hers to fall back to her side and shrugged her shoulders, her stare once again drifting to the sidewalk as she turned herself and carried on walking.

---

I walked Bella to the station, she didn't say anything to me. We said goodbye, I reminded her the offer for staying at my house until hers was sorted was still open; she nodded and thanked me for lunch and then went. She didn't call, or text, or email that night. It's not like she even did every night, sometimes she didn't for a few days. It was one of those times, however, where I wished she would call, or text, or something.

The next day, still nothing. Again, she didn't usually make contact in the mornings, but I wish she had. Unfortunately for me, I had already wasted an hour, a whole _hour _of my morning with Tanya screeching at me down the phone.

Of course, once Camille knew enough, it didn't take long for the message to be passed on. To be honest, I was actually expecting an angry, drunken phone call last night, but she waited until morning. It was news to me that she even _got up_ in the mornings. She normally slept off a hangover which didn't end until at least mid afternoon.

But she was on the phone with me now, at eleven o'clock in the morning, ranting and raving in a more sober way than usual. I had to give that to her; maybe she was making some sort of effort.

"I seriously cannot believe you Edward! How fucking irresponsible are you?!"

"Uh, don't start on responsibilities because really you have no idea. Anything you say will be hypocritical of your own actions."

Her voice rose up a decibel, any higher and I thought Kitty might run in because she'd reached a pitch only dogs could hear, "I can't believe you! Oh my god! I hate you so much right now, seriously. What the fucking hell, Edward, what the hell! You know, Camille told me and I thought she was joking, but apparently not...!"

"This hasn't got anything to do with you, Tanya. I don't even know why you're calling." I sighed, flicking through some documents for work. I didn't need to go in until later seeing as I was going to the clinic with Bella in an hour or so, but I still had work to be doing.

"Nothing to do with me? Well it has something to do with my daughter therefore I _make_ it something to do with me, you asshole. Have you even told her?"

"I'm going to soon..." I said blandly as I carried on with my work.

"Yeah, well you're going to have to! Seeing as the whole world knows now, and what is she going to do? Who the hell _is_ Bella? Bella _who_? I bet she just wants your money or something. We've been divorced not even a year! You fucking prick! You complete and utter fucking wanker! Do you know what this is going to do to _me_? People are going to be saying things about _me_!"

"She's not like you Tanya, and people talk already, you're an alcoholic. Why do you make everything about you? This isn't about you at all." She was really starting to get tedious and repetitive. I was tempted to put her on loudspeaker and leave her to blabber on and I could just pretend to be listening, but that would mean her voice would be filling the whole room as well as my ears.

"You dick. Have you just been fucking every slut you can? Except then you knocked one up. You're so disgusting. Not even a year and you've got someone pregnant, well done! I can't believe this! I wonder how long you've been doing that for, maybe I need to get myself checked out in case I've caught something." I rolled my eyes and snorted.

"I think if anything, I'd be needing to check myself out for something I caught from_ you_."

"You wouldn't have another baby with me! I even asked you if we could try and you said no! So what the fuck is that about?"

God, she'd already brought this up and I'd already answered her, but apparently she needed telling again, just to bash her once more, "I wouldn't have wanted to have another baby with you, entirely for the child's sake. You don't actually _like_ children Tanya, you already have a child who you take very little interest in until children are the 'it' accessory to have again. Your mindset is just completely _wrong_. You treat bottles of wine like your babies, you couldn't actually _cope_ with another. And anyway, your body wouldn't be able to cope well either."

There was silence on the other end of the phone as I stopped flipping through my papers, "Now, are you done because I have things to do?"

Again, a brief silence and then, "No! No, I'm not done!" I guess she must have went to pour herself another glass of something and forgot to take the phone with her...

And so she went on, and on, and on, and on.

Alice walked in about fifteen minutes later looking a little troubled about something while she held her blackberry close to her, "Um, Edward?" She said, catching my attention.

I nodded and spoke briefly to Tanya, "Just wait a second if you can." She carried on yapping about something as I pulled the phone away from my ear, even then I could still hear her.

Alice frowned at me, "I just got a call from the hospital. They weren't very specific but they said Bella had 'an accident with the stairs at her apartment' and that she asked for you... I don't know what that means, and I don't want to resort to the worst, but it really sounded like... she fell."

_She fell..._

I slowly put my phone down onto my desk, not looking away from Alice, my chest beginning to constrict and fill with panic as I disconnected the call. _Shit._

"Which hospital?"

**I know what you're thinking right, what the hell am I doing? What's going on? What the hell, no! Or then again you might not be thinking that at all. All I can say is, ohmagad Bella, what have you done. Sigh. Camille's a bitch. I love bitches.  
**

**Anyway, review! I got the most reviews so far on the last chapter (unsurprisingly haha) can we top that, please? I like when my review total ends in 0 or 5 or an even number. So please, review. I'm not going to beg, but... I'll send Edward round. After a hard days work, he's lost the keys to his apartment and he can't make it back to the house. But you live pretty close and offer him a place to stay. You happen to give killer massages which is _just_ what he needs, how convinient... ;)**

**You know you love me, XOXO (ALSO, new season of Gossip Girl, can I hear a HALE YES!)**

**P.S. I don't think I actually have Swine Flu, but even if I do, unlikely I'm going to die ahahah!  
**


	17. Use Somebody

**Thank you to everyone, as usual, I'm sorry I didn't get back to everyone, I'm so very easily distracted and I have SO much I should be doing yet I'm not... plus I've been hungover for what has felt like the whole of today. Not good times. Here's your chapter, I hope you like it. Thanks so much as usual to my fabulous beta Julia, who is currently ill and still beta'd this for me. Merci beaucoup ma chere.  
**

**Song: Use Somebody- **Kings of Leon (Paramore cover version) **(Most songs and some others are on my playlist, incl. 'Satellite Heart' from the NM soundtrack which I LOVE)**

**BPOV**

I hate going to the ER.

If I'm here, it usually means I've been involved in an accident or emergency. And I had been in an accident and there could well be an emergency.

Sixteen times. Seventeen now. Seventeen times I'd been to the ER in my life. Seventeen times too many. Five of those times weren't, admittedly, for myself. But that means the other twelve times were; so the majority. I'm not even that clumsy, bad things just follow me.

Actually, sometimes I'm clumsy.

"You know they were really vague about the reason you were here. I honestly thought you'd died, Bella. I'm not joking! I had to ask next door to look after the boys so I could get here. And you're not in a coma, you haven't even broken anything. If you're going to fall down the stairs you could have at least fallen in style."

"I didn't fall, Rose. I slipped, I think..." She pulled out her phone and sent a quick text before sighing and shaking her head, watching as I tried to find some comfortable way of lying on the bed. Which was practically impossible seeing I had some annoying, _uncomfortable_, slightly itchy tube stuck in my arm that I was trying my very hardest not to look at. The thought of a tube being in my skin made me want to throw up; I was feeling pretty nauseous as it was, and Rose was being really shitty at distracting me.

"When's Edward going to get here?" I asked, nibbling on my bottom lip.

"Surprisingly enough Bella, I don't know." She said sarcastically, "I'm sure it'll be soon. I'd suppose he's really worried about you." I snorted at the last part and Rose looked at me questioningly, "What?"

I shook my head, "It doesn't matter... He'll be here soon though?" Rose shrugged her shoulders and nodded, eyeing me suspiciously as we waited. I wanted Edward to be here, he kind of _had _to be here... well I thought so. But at the same time I really didn't want him to be here. I wanted him to be everywhere but here. Anywhere that wasn't near me, a small part of me was regretting even calling him. I hated guilt tripping him with all this stuff without meaning to.

It wasn't news to me either that maybe I liked him. A lot. _Too _much. Much more than I should.

I couldn't help my feelings but I could try and stop his from getting hurt. If that meant weaning myself off of him then so be it. And it may well be a slow process because Edward was becoming quite the addiction. I could already feel a dull ache building inside me at just the thought of doing such a thing.

As I sat frowning to myself, I could hear two people, above all the general commotion of hospital sounds but I couldn't make out the voices until they came nearer. One sounded like a nurse and the other was unmistakeably Edward and he was freaking out. Albeit, he wasn't shouting the odds here and there, he wasn't being loud or disruptive at all. I don't even know how I could hear him, it felt like my brain had just tuned itself to his voice.

He sounded really weird, I knew he was going to be worried but there was something else bothering him. At least it sounded like there was. Rose sat up as the curtain was pulled back revealing a rather distressed Edward, breathing heavier than usual, and a young nurse. The nurse smiled and disappeared as Edward's eyes scanned the area before resting on me, his face both distraught and relieved.

"Oh my god, Bella, ar-"

"The baby's fine." I answered before he could even ask, sitting up a bit on the bed.

Hands tapping at his sides, shifting from foot to foot, Edward made no attempt to move from where he stood, just before the foot of my bed. It actually seemed like he was having some kind of internal struggle where he wanted to move but couldn't. He kept on looking down and frowning and then looking at me with such intense concern and worry I wanted to crawl down the bed and hug him. As it were, I wasn't going anywhere fast.

"But are you ok, Bella? What happened?" He asked, his brow creasing as he awaited an answer.

"She fell down the stairs." Rose said causing Edward to take notice of her for the first time.

"I didn't fall, I slipped." I corrected, "And it was only down a few steps. I blacked out sort of... I don't really know what happened." He took a step closer to the bed and I noticed his jaw clench as he did, but he relaxed it again.

"Did you hurt yourself? Are you hurt? Why do you have the drip?" I sighed, not because his questions were tedious and I just had all of them asked by Rose not fifteen minutes ago, but I wished he didn't care so much, it just made me feel bad.

"Apparently I'm dehydrated. That's why I passed out, so I have to, um, have this saline drip and some stuff until I'm ok again. I feel a little sick but the doctor said I might be able to go tomorrow but more likely the day after that." Edward ran his hands through his hair continuously as he looked at me, a deep furrow still occupying his brow

"But you were ok yesterday?"

I shrugged, reluctantly giving away information I didn't want him to know, "Well, no, I wasn't really... I've had really random morning sickness for the past few days. But it's been really bad, so other than eating lollipops I've not really been able to stomach much for very long. The same with liquids. I was going to call you yesterday to talk about something but I spent the majority of the evening emptying the contents of my stomach into the toilet via my mouth. So..."

He sighed disbelievingly, clinging onto handfuls of his bronzed locks, "Bella, why didn't you tell me earlier? We could have gone to the doctors or something."

_We_ could have gone to the doctors. It shouldn't be _we_ it should just be me, I was the one with the problems here. "I didn't want to bother you over nothing." I murmured, frowning at the blank covers of the bed.

"_Bother_ me over _nothing_?" His eyes widened and then narrowed as if he was struggling to understand what I was saying, "Why would it bother me? And evidently, it wasn't over 'nothing' because now you're in a hospital bed, on a drip."

"Because it should bother you, Edward. You should hate me, you should hate having to traipse behind me trying to make things better when they're not. You shouldn't have to 'look after' me they way you do. Whenever I do something wrong, I just drag you down with me, and it's not fair but I don't know how to stop. It's like I'm some sort of... charity case you've taken pity on and I just continually bleed you dry."

He nodded his head and laughed unbelievingly, "This is about what Camille said yesterday isn't it?"

I sat further up in my bed and stared back at him, "Yes, it is. Because it's true."

There was silence after that, Edward just stood staring at me, still having not moved much since entering the cubicle, and I just stared back. It wasn't one of those usually nice stares where I usually looked away and blushed. This was a 'for fucks sake, you know I'm right' stare. I'd completely forgotten my sister-in-law was still sitting in the chair beside me until she broke the silence, standing and clearing her throat.

"So, um, I'm going to get a coffee... I, uh, yeah, I'll be back soon. Bella, watch your blood pressure sweetie." _Fuck my fucking blood pressure_, I shouted in my head although both mine and Edwards eyes drifted to the machine that kept track, just to make sure. The dehydration had caused quite a drop in my blood pressure; getting into an argument would probably just raise it but I don't think a leap from low to high was very healthy.

Rosalie went out of my peripheral vision, it was just me and Edward. He stood there, continuously combing his hands through his hair in frustration , occasionally looking over his shoulder and generally looking like he wanted to leave, "Bella, you _know_ what she said wasn't true."

"But I don't. It's like... what are we doing? I don't get it. I don't understand why you bother. Camille was right; I'm like some peasant and you're the prince. I was going to ask you yesterday if... if you'd even think to look me up or talk to me again if I wasn't pregnant. I don't think you would. There are so many better people out there, and you waste your time hanging around with me. And I love spending time with you, I do. It's just..." I said quietly, averting my eyes from his now as I struggled to finish my sentence.

_It's just you can do so much better than me._

"I can see you don't want to be here, Edward. The baby's fine, I will be fine, so you can go if you want." Slumping a bit further into the bed, I sighed and turned myself onto my side, watching as my heart rate began slowly decreasing from its slightly elevated state.

It was annoying me how he hadn't moved, he was still standing there; jaw clenched again, hands no longer in his hair but balled at his sides and breathing deeply, "I'm not going anywhere until you're ok again, I _want_ to be here, I just..." he sighed, "You have a phobia of blood and needles..." _And spiders, clowns, chewed food, llamas..._ "Well, I don't like the ER. I _really _don't like it, so... just bear with me."

Great. So again, my fault he's putting himself out. When did I become so fucking needy?

Turning myself so his face was once again visible to me, I saw him rubbing his hands over his face, "I'm sorry."

"I'll be fine in a second, I just... I don't have any fond memories of being here. But that's a whole other story." He took a few more seconds of breathing in and out before running his hands over his face, opening his eyes and smiling at me half heartedly.

"Are you ok now?" I asked as he cautiously made his way over to the chair Rosalie had recently been occupying. He pulled it up closer to the bed and then sat down, carefully taking my hand in his, running his thumb over my knuckles.

"I don't understand you. I'm trying but it's really hard. How I see you is completely different to how you see yourself. I'm not... _better _than you, Bella. I'm so flawed you wouldn't believe. You're..."

"Imperfect. An enigma. Boring. Edward, I'm everything you're not. And not in a good way." I scoffed.

"Look, you're... you're... really not. And stop trying to get rid of me, I'm here because I want to be, I also feel like I _should_ be here, but I would be either way. Just completely forget what Camille said because I'm telling you it's not true. So believe me, it's not. Ok?" He looked at me expectantly but I wasn't finding it so easy to just _believe_ him. I still felt like some parasite on his life, "Ok, Bella?"

"Yeah... ok." I said reluctantly, twisting my mouth to the side, "But-"

"And I would've looked you up whether you were pregnant or not. I sent you those flowers before I knew, that was me saying thank you, but mainly me asking for your number. Except I didn't leave mine so that was an epic fail on my part. I apologise." His rueful smile made my heart flutter just a little. I suddenly became very conscious and embarrassed about the fact I was still attached to some stupid machines that would have picked up on the increase in heart rate. Dammit.

"Well, I turned up anyway, so I guess that was lucky." A small smile played around on my lips as I looked at him in his lower position. He smiled back at me but then dropped his head to look at my hand, sighing.

"I was really scared, you know. I think the last time I've been that scared was when Olivia was born. I can't remember if I told you already, but she nearly died, her umbilical cord was round her neck and she couldn't breathe. So, yeah, you're not going to fall down the stairs ever again, are you?"

"I'm not planning to... although I didn't fall, I slipped. Totally screwed up my ankle too, so I won't be able to walk for like a week." Edward narrowed his eyes at me.

"You failed to mention that before..."

"...Yeah... well, I wasn't going to tell you anything up until a few minutes ago. It's just another thing for you to freak out about."

He frowned, his lips pouting just a little, "I don't 'freak out', Bella." I laughed at him, raising my eyebrows until he corrected himself, "Much. I don't freak out _much_."

"Edward, you freak over everything, and then you rearrange things when you get anxious." He probably thought I hadn't realised but Edward had quite a few quirky habits, this was one of them. It was actually rather amusing watching him. I'd ask if he was ok, he'd say he was absolutely fine whilst trying to make everything on his desk symmetrical. Of course it would turn out he had to do a presentation in front of some important people at work or something.

"I may or may not have put all the leaflets on the receptionists desk in alphabetical order... and I have reason to be a little worried don't you think."

I suppose he did, I just had to wonder if he'd be as worried if I wasn't pregnant with his child.

As if he heard my thoughts, he brought my hand closer to him and said, "You think I only care about the baby, and I'm not going to lie, whether you were both ok was obviously one of the first things that ran through my mind when Alice told me you were here."

Why am I not surprised? "But I thought of you first Bella, just you. Whether _you_ were ok. I was so worried you were... well I don't know. I'm actually pretty pissed with myself that I didn't know you had bad morning sickness-"

"That's not your fault, I didn't tell you."

"Still, I should have noticed something. If you weren't ok though, I mean, I know you're not a hundred percent, but if you weren't, well I don't know if... I don't know what I'd... I..." He stared at me before he slowly rose from his chair, dropping my hand, hesitantly reaching forward to brush some of my hair from my face, "I... I don't know."

All his simple gestures did nothing for my heart rate. I was so completely selfish, I was probably keeping this wonderful man from god knows how many beautiful, young women more deserving of his time and effort than I was. My pathetic attempts to distance myself were destined for failure. I couldn't bring myself to go through, I pussied out. But I hated that he worried so much about me, I hated that he felt like he had to be near where I was; yet at the same time, there was something so thrilling about that. I wanted him to be as far from me as possible, but I also wanted to be everywhere he was.

His face was so close to mine I could almost smell the scent of his skin. I had to use all my efforts to stop my good foot from tapping under the sheets. He had his quirky habits and I had mine; I fidget when I'm anxious, I can't help it. And he was making my whole body feel as if it was about to start buzzing.

He looked down at me and smiled. I could only manage this uneasy grin back to which he laughed and I felt stupid.

Still, he moved ever closer and I froze in the bed. I couldn't even tell if I was breathing properly as his face hovered just inches above mine. Just inches. _Inches_. All I could see was Edward. All I wanted to see was Edward, and here he was. The sheets of the bed I was in were being squeezed tightly between my hands as I resisted the urge to bring them to his face; stroke down his nose, across his brow where he got that deep furrow when something bothered him, over his eyelids, his cheeks, his jaw, his lips.

His normally cheeky yet ever stunning smirk, wasn't quite as cheeky as usual. It was softer, less pronounced, there was just something else to it, I just didn't know what it was. It was still beautiful, possibly more than normal. But then he was beautiful. God, I'm like some doting teen with some kind of mega crush. And I'd always tell myself there was no chance, because realistically, there wasn't, whether I loved him, adored him, had just a crush on him, my affections wouldn't be returned.

Edward, me, all the beautiful women in New York. My chances were pretty damn low. But then we had already had sex, twice. _And_ I was knocked up with his baby. That had to put me up there, maybe, just a little, no?

I just didn't know. I tried not to think about it but then he'd do something like _this_.

There were about three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was... wonderful, amazing, completely stunning, fabulous. Second, there was a part of him that had made rather good friends with a part of me, _twice_ - well technically more – that I'd taken a liking to unfortunately – or fortunately – despite the fact it left a baby in its wake. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably fucked.

As it was, I enjoyed Edwards presence too much to just distance myself from him. And distance myself to where exactly? We were having a baby. Right now I was thinking if Edward was Mother Theresa then I would happily be the charity case. Amen to that.

"Bella...?" Death. Absolute death. I was about to die; this man _would_ be the death of me. At least I was already in hospital.

His breath came rolling into my face, his lips moved just a small distance from mine as he spoke.

"Mhm?" I squeaked. A low chuckled emitted from his throat as he moved up and placed a gentle kiss on my forehead. I never knew lips could feel so soft on my skin, and I'd experienced his before so this wasn't even a whole new experience. He'd never kissed my forehead before though. This was new.

This was new. This was better. This was him crumbling any resolve I had left in me.

My eyes shut and my whole body seemed to switch off so I could savour the moment, relish in it quietly until he pulled away and I nearly sighed aloud at the lack of contact, "You want to be watching your blood pressure. Your heart rate's spiked." He said slightly amused as he pulled back, running his thumb from my brow down my jaw and then sat back down.

I had to catch my breath before I could turn to glance at the monitor. I'm not really sure what exactly was supposed to be normal but I could see the patterns the machine was drawing and the numbers were pretty high. Edward laughed quietly to himself as I tried to compose myself, loosening my grip on the sheets and trying to calm my heart down, just a bit.

He knew that was all because of him. He loved it. Bastard.

My face filled with colour as I avoided looking directly at him, clearing my throat instead, "Oh, um, yeah..."

Fucking machines. How embarrassing.

I didn't know if I could take two more days of this. Me, stuck in this bed attached to my drip. Edward, out there, not confined to a bed but remaining beside it anyway. I wanted to be with him, not in this bed. I couldn't help but think there were so many hidden metaphors in my life. It's a shame I didn't know what the fuck any of them meant.

**EPOV**

"Which room?" Phil asked, effortlessly holding a large, full box, two bags on his shoulder and a cat cage. Amazing, the man was amazing.

I thought for a second before taking the cage from him and answering, "The one next to Olivia's room."

"But that one's smaller than the one by your study." I looked at Alice, who was clearly having a lazy day because she was wearing jeans, waiting for my answer.

"Hardly Alice, it's decorated nicer than the one next to my study, and it has an en-suite. It'll be fine, I just think she'll prefer that one." Alice rolled her eyes and ushered Phil up the stairs leaving me, my daughter, her dog and the cat cage standing in the foyer. Olivia was unusually quiet as she stood beside me, holding her puppy in her arms as it drooped in and out of sleep.

I stroked the top of her head and she smiled up at me before kneeling down in front of the cage, peering into it, "I want to talk to you later, alright."

"But I haven't done anything bad... I didn't draw on the wall, it was already there!"

"No, it's about something el- you drew on the wall, which one?" She shook her head vigorously, waking up the dog as she shook, so obviously guilty.

"No, no, I said it _wasn't_ me... the wall by your room. But it wasn't me." I didn't encourage lying and maybe I would have said something to her about it because every child under the age of ten tend to be terrible liars, Olivia was no exception. However, I could hear the sounds of complaints coming from the front door, so I let it go for now. I just hoped she didn't try and draw a picture of me to show it was my room. She'd done that before when she was a little younger. It was sweet but it still needed painting over and she had to be told, yes she was a wonderful artist, but pictures should be kept to paper in this instance, not the walls.

I pointed two fingers at my eyes, narrowing them, and then pointed them at her, walking over to the front door just in time to see Bella limp in on her crutches, looking particularly grumpy, "I can't believe I'm here..." she grumbled as I took her bag from her.

"You're always here anyway. And I told you to wait by the car for me." She glared at me snatching her bag back.

She'd been hospitalised for the past three days to make sure she was completely rehydrated, her blood pressure was normal again and she had medication for any extreme sickness. I asked her to stay with us on the first day she was put in hospital, she told me she wouldn't. I tried five times the next day, she told me to fuck off. The last day I _told_ her she would be staying in my house, that I didn't care what she said, and that I'd already taken her apartment key so she wouldn't be able to go home anyway.

She didn't say anything.

Today she was apparently very hormonal. We'd already had happy Bella, but she wasn't around for too long. Sad-for-no-reason-Bella made an appearance in the car when we'd collected her stuff, and now... well now she was just really pissy.

"Yeah, well, your driver creeps me out... and pregnancy is not a mental disability, I am actually capable of climbing stairs."

"Climbing's not the problem, it's the falling back down again..." I laughed to myself quietly, but obviously not quietly enough. She put all of her weight on her good leg and used a crutch to thwack me in my shin. And that shit really hurts! I immediately bent over to comfort myself, rubbing my injured shin whilst muttering curses under my breath.

"You are really not in a good mood today." I laughed, still rubbing my shin. She definitely didn't realise her own strength, _fuck_. I stood up straight again, smiling at her but receiving nothing but an extremely unimpressed expression back, "I've got something upstairs for you that'll cheer you up."

"I'm not in a bad mood." I scoffed disbelievingly at her, "I'm not, Edward! Just things are pissing me off... like how the hell am I supposed to get up and down those stairs?"

"Well, I'll carry you, obviously." She raised one crutch again in a threatening way, "There's an elevator that the cleaners use when they have a lot of stuff. You can use that." She sighed and looked down at her crutches, "I _can_ carry you if you'd prefer?" I nudged her side and actually managed to get a little smile out of her.

"Edward, if you even attempt to carry her, I'll be under some weird inclination to kill you myself. It'll end in the both of you back in that hospital." Alice said coming down the stairs with Phil, "All your stuff's in your room, Bella, so if you don't mind, I'll be off. _I'm _going out for dinner with Jasper." She beamed in a dreamy way, and I saw Bella smile widely at her. Apparently I wasn't part of the weird friendship they seemed to have fashioned recently.

"Ooh, are you indeed? Well, I hope you two have fun. And tell me about it when you come back." She giggled, receiving a wink from Alice. Alice actually winked. I have _never_ seen Alice _wink_ before. I think this was one of those times where I thought I should just put my hands up and back away slowly.

I thought I'd learnt to understand women a long, long time ago. But Alice wasn't a woman, she was the devil, and Bella was something amazing. I would never understand either of them.

"Yes, I will. And please don't let him carry you. Just watching him fret over you, which is a frequent thing, is tiring. Don't actually give him reason to, _again_."

"Yeah, thanks Alice... I'm sure there was a veiled insult in there somewhere." I muttered under my breath, glaring in her general direction. She blew a kiss at me, said something to Olivia and then Bella before heading out.

After she'd disappeared through the door and Phil followed suit, I turned my attentions back to Bella who was smirking to herself, "So you're just being pissy with me then?"

"Yep." She grinned, propping her crutches underneath her, "Ok, come on, show me what you want to show me. Livvy, are you coming?"

Olivia was completely enthralled by the cage and the cat that was currently residing in it. She was still holding the dog like it was a baby, and much like a baby, it had fallen asleep, "Can I let your cat out, I want to see what he looks like?"

I glared over at the cage, once that damned thing was open I'm pretty certain I would acquire some OCD with cleaning. I can't stand the hairs. I can't even stand the thought of the hairs, it makes me want to get the Hoover out. But I want Bella in the house. Bella comes with the cat. _Bella comes with the cat, Bella comes with the cat._ Dammit.

"Of course you can. He might be a bit lazy... he's always lazy... but I'm sure he'll love you to play with him. Oh and I don't know how he'll act with the dog. He should be ok, if anything he might get a little moody." Yeah, I'm sure he'll have a great time filling her mind with self-loathing thoughts, judgmental ways and general evilness. Or he could just go about his cattish ways... like cats do. What the fuck am I talking about?

Olivia's face lit up as she looked for the best way to open the cage, and then watched excitedly as the black and white cat slinked out cautiously, taking note of its new surroundings before stroking himself up against Olivia. I could almost see the hairs leave its fur and waft into the air, but I bit my tongue and took Bella to her room.

_Bella comes with the cat, Bella comes with the cat, Bella comes with the motherfucking cat._

All the way up I was considering whether she would let me cut all its hair off... or maybe it could where a coat that stops the hairs from coming off. Or maybe she could leave it in her apartment while she's here. But I knew she wouldn't do anything, I'm pretty certain the cat was the deal maker.

_Fucking cat. The things I do._

"What are you thinking?" Bella asked as we stood at the door of her room, tilting her head to the side as she watched me.

I snapped out of my less than moral thoughts, and for a second I forgot everything as I looked at her. I remembered why it was I wanted her in the house, other than the fact I feared for her life with both crutches _and _stairs, that was just asking for it. I remembered why it was I was going to put up with that cat in my house for as long as she was here. "Oh... uh, um, nothing." I shook my head, although I couldn't help but smile as my thought trail took another rather pleasant route focussed around her, "Just, stuff." _Like how I can kill your cat without you hating me_.

"Why are we smiling now then?" she said, grinning back at me.

"I don't know. We just... do."

"We do, don't we." We did. All the time. I would like to say it was weird, but the only weird thing about it was that it stopped being weird a long time ago.

I pushed the open the door we were standing in front of, breaking from her gaze and ushering her in. She looked from me into the room and then sighed, dropping her head. I frowned, "Is something wrong, do you want another room?"

She shook her head, "No, it's just... I don't even need to look, I just knows it's going to be too much." She sighed again before looking up, hopping in and looking around the room, "Well... I think my point is proven." I leant on the door frame as she inquisitively looked about the place. I had been in this room briefly before I went to get Bella from the hospital, but I hadn't really looked around.

Alice had this room, as well as the other guest rooms, decorated. Like the other rooms in the house, the ceiling was high, Bella seemed to be spending a lot of time just staring up at it. Her things were left on the side, some things had already been taken out by Alice and placed around the room. She turned around, the bottom of her crutches making a dull thud on the floor, as she took everything in and then started at the open window. The white linen curtains blew a little from the soft breeze coming through.

The room was in fact, almost a copy of my own, except she had a fireplace. There were a lot of whites, creams and the odd hint of gold. She sat down on the end of the bed, standing her crutches up beside her and bouncing a little on the mattress before looking over at me, although her eyes were still eager to look around, and smiled kindly.

"Wow..." She said with a hint of awe, "I may just move in here permanently."

"This wasn't what I wanted to show you, we just needed to be in this room." I shrugged. Bella looked confused for a second then she looked down at the bed and her face paled.

"Um... oh?"

"Yeah, what I wanted to show you is already in here. Hey, are you ok?" she shook her head, her colour coming back to her cheeks, putting her hand to her forehead and laughed quietly, "Are you feeling ok?"

"Yeah... I'm... so what was it you wanted to show me anyway?" I pointed to the bed and she turned on it to see what I was pointing at.

The next thirty seconds could go one of three ways I'd decided. Either she'd hate it, completely hate me for thinking of doing such a thing. Alternatively, she'd love it, completely love me for doing such a thing. Or she'd brush it off and think nothing of it. I didn't know what she was going to do, what she was going to think, but I hoped she loved it. I really, really hoped she loved it. She asked me for my help, well I was giving it, I just hoped she still wanted it.

Her body was twisted so she could reach for the box further up the bed, as she pulled it towards her and then tipping it over so she could get at what was inside, her breathing seemed to stop and for what seemed like forever, she just stared. I was just as anxious watching her as I was watching Olivia with her puppy. Except Bella wasn't excited.

_Shit, she hates it..._

She just stared in at the contents of the box; unmoving and expressionless. I couldn't see her face completely, she was only visible from the side on. After a while, she reached her slender hand hesitantly into the box and pulled out a large case of pencils. Every colour of the rainbow, even colours I'd never heard of in my life.

I watched her cautiously open them and graze her fingertips of every single one. She did the same with the paints she pulled out next, the paintbrushes, the pens, the chalks, pastels, every sized paper and card there was, I think there was glitter in there too.

It wasn't until she got to the sketching pencils that I saw any kind of emotion and even then, I couldn't decipher what it meant.

She brought them closer to her and opened the small box, tipping it so that all the pencil tips were visible. A tear fell from her one eye and splashed on the box. She quickly wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and sniffed, closing the box of pencils and putting them down with all the other things.

"It's too much. Edward, I can't." She said, shaking her head but still fingering the box of sketch pencils.

"It's a gift Bella, you can." She continued to shake her head, "If you don't like it-"

"Oh, no! I love it. This is like the best thing anyone has ever given me, but... I can't take all of this." Again, she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and sniffled. I frowned seriously and uncrossed my arms.

It wasn't like she was incapable of buying these things herself, on their own, they didn't cost _too_ much. It's just I knew she wouldn't. She might be tempted, she might stare at them through shop windows, she might even doodle things on the sides of paper but she wasn't about to do anything further than that. She needed just needed a push and I happened to be a professional pusher as it were.

"We're finding our happiness, right? Well, there's still a lot I don't know about you Isabella Swan, but I know this made you happy. Which particular part of it, I'm not entirely sure... so I got everything. Jasper helped, he's into all that shit, I don't have a clue. The only 'arts' I do is music and literature. That there, and over there..." I pointed to another box, "and possibly over there, is basically the contents of that art shop downtown. You've been really down recently, I just want you to be happy."

She sighed, her fingers drawing invisible pictures on the box of pencils, "I love drawing... it seems like forever... I don't know if I can still do it." She said quietly, more to herself than me. She looked up at me with a disgruntled air, "Even if I wanted to... I _can't_. Art was my thing with... Mike. I did it with him, I did it for him, I did it _because_ of him, I haven't tried since. I don't know _what_... to do, what I'd be doing it for."

I shrugged off of the doorframe, moving to sit next to her on the bed, "How about doing it for _you_? I'm pretty sure you were good at it before Mike, and I bet you're great now. And yes I'm not just saying that to convince you to keep it all... Ok, maybe I am but I'm sure it's true."

She smiled. I could deal with a smile, "You're going to get pretty bored this week and maybe next, having messed up your ankle and all." I winked at her as she looked down at her ankle and huffed, "I mean, I'll work from home when I can but there will be days when I'm not here and you'll feel like your life can't go on."

Her smile widened as she rolled her eyes and my smile widened simply because hers did. "Just find yourself some new inspiration and you'll be fine."

I took it she had come to agree with me and was accepting my gifts seeing as she began looking in the box again and then turned to me, still smiling. Before I knew it, she'd closed the space between us, her arms around my neck, her posture awkward as she tried not to move her bad leg too much, and she squeezed me so tightly. Ever so slightly nuzzling her nose into the crane of my neck.

I don't know if she meant to do it or if it was just her nose touching the skin of my neck because of her position, still, it tickled and sent little goose pimples down my body. _Goose pimples._ Apparently I was seventeen again.

"You didn't have to do all this. It's bad enough you've got me in your house. But... thank you. So much. I can't even tell you how much. Thank you. "I moved my hands to her waist and gripped her gently.

"If you want to do something Bella, you should just do it. Don't let things or people stop you. Unless it's going to kill you or get you in prison or on the run." She chuckled quietly, the air from her breath blowing across my neck. I smiled but swallowed hard and made sure I kept my mind in check.

"You're not allowed to get me anything else though. For my birthday, for the holidays, Christmas, nothing. I mean it." I pulled away from her slightly and sucked my teeth, smiling innocently at her. Her eyes narrowed, "...What have you done?"

"Oh... you know when you turned up here the other day and I was home. Yeah, well I had to sign for something that came in the mail because I knew no one was home, and I didn't want it to be sent to work because Alice would probably tell you, now you're 'friends'..."

Bella's face fell, "Edward..." she said accusingly.

"Well, I may or may not have bought you a new laptop... except a better one. It doesn't explode."

Her eyes widened and her mouth fell open, "Edward! What the hell! You bought me a laptop? Ok, that is too much, take it back."

"I'm not taking it back. Let's just say it's your birthday and Christmas present."

"Or let's just say you take it back. I appreciate it and all, but really... fuck."

"Well if you don't like the look of it, I'll return it. Or give it to Meg or something."

She scowled, "I'm not agreeing to that. You should give it to Meg. A laptop?" She flopped back onto the bed, "You are too much. A laptop. Who does that." she huffed to herself.

I looked at her and laughed, moving the box of things out of the way so I could fall down beside her, "You'll love it."

Brown locks splayed about the place, some reaching out to me as I turned my head to her; so tempted to just twirl the strands around my finger, "How d'you know that?"

"I just do." I laughed, tapping the side of my nose. Other than the sound of her sighing as she shook her head, there was silence. We were silent. Comfortable in each other's presence, both of us just thinking.

I was thinking over the last week, about Bella and the baby, Olivia, my family, even Tanya. I thought about the coming weeks; I never got to see Bella's ultrasound since they'd done one before I'd reached the hospital, she was however having another one in two weeks where it was likely we could find out the sex of the baby.

We hadn't discussed it yet but the thought was hovering in my mind. I knew it was a girl anyway, despite the fact Bella had first referred to _her_ as _him_ in the hospital. She just didn't know what she was talking about, clearly. Maybe the medication had gone to her head because our baby was a girl. _She_ was not a boy. I _knew_ it wasn't a boy, women surrounded my constantly on a daily basis. The office and hanging with Phil or Jasper was the only time I could get a healthy dose of testosterone.

The child currently occupying Bella's uterus had a severe lack of testosterone. I'm just sayin'...

"What are you smiling at?" A young voice asked. I opened my eyes, unaware I'd even shut them, and tilted my head back to see my daughters lying on the bed, her head rested in her hands, her entourage of now both a dog _and_ a cat happily dozing beside her, her bright eyes looking down at me, "You're upside down." She giggled.

Apparently I wasn't the only one so far in thought that I hadn't noticed Olivia, Bella opened her eyes and tilted her head back to, smiling and saying, "When did you get here?"

Olivia smiled widely, "A minute ago. What are you doing?"

"Lying on the bed." Bella said amusedly.

"Why?"

"Because it's fun." I added. Olivia pulled a face before staring off at something and all was silent. For a little while longer. About twenty seconds later, which I actually had to congratulate her on, Olivia broke the silence.

"I'm not having fun yet." She complained, looking a little disgruntled, "And when are you going to talk to me, daddy? You said later, it's later now."

"It is isn't it?" She nodded, "Ok, well we'll talk now." In the corner of my eye, I saw Bella turn to me. I looked at her, and knew she was thinking something along the lines of 'you're not going to, are you?'. But I was going to, it's not like there was going to a _better_ time. Also with Camille and co knowing, it wouldn't be long before it reached her, and I'd much rather she heard it from me. Even if she didn't understand fully.

Olivia flipped herself over so she was lying on her back, her head resting near to mine. I could see the ends of her hair just catching the ends of Bella's, "Are you comfy now?" I asked and she nodded, "Good." I paused for a moment trying to think of the best way to tell my daughter that Bella was in fact pregnant with my baby after a drunken night together.

I decided the more I built up to it, the bigger it would seem. And yes it was big, but if I made it sound like something majorly gigantic that it would take over everything ever, Olivia might respond badly to it. And she seemed to be happy now, I didn't want to ruin it. And I knew she liked Bella already, she went on about it almost every day. She often seemed more eager to see her than I did.

"You know Bella's having a baby." She looked over at Bella and smiled, nodding. Bella was just staring at me, I could see her doing it even though I was looking at the ceiling, "And you know we said we were going to help her?" she nodded again, "Well we're going to have to help her a lot more than you thought."

"How come? I don't mind though, I like babies."

"Well..." Bella turned her head to look at the ceiling, clearly not wanting to be a part of this conversation. Apparently the whole 'telling people' bit just wasn't her thing, "Because... it's going to be our baby too."

Bella's face scrunched up like she was waiting for someone to hit her in the face with a baseball bat, which was stupid since we didn't have any baseball bats in the house, "Is she sharing it?"

"Uh, yes? Wait, no. Well yes, she is, but Bella's baby is my baby too... like you were, but now you're bigger. But you're still my baby."

Olivia sat up and leaned over my face, her expression that of confusion, "But how can it be your baby too? And how is it my baby too? It can't be everyone's baby, that's silly."

I sighed, "Ok, it's not your baby. But it is mine and Bella's. _I _put the baby in there." I heard Bella snort as if she was laughing to herself and I shot her a glance as if to say '_shut the fuck up or you can tell her_'.

"Well how did you do that?" ... I just set myself up for that one.

Sitting up at the same time Bella did, I looked at my daughter and smiled. Now she saw I was clearly going to be doing all the talking here, Bella seemed to be becoming increasingly amused watching the exchange between my daughter and I. She probably saw it as some kind of karma for getting her a laptop... not that that was even a bad thing. Still she was smiling at me like such a smug little shit, I had to say something.

So I smiled kindly at Olivia and then looked at Bella as I said, "Well, I'm not completely sure myself. Bella would know though seeing as the baby is inside her tummy. You should ask her sometime... you could ask her now. So Bella, how did I get the baby in there?"

Immediately Bella's face flushed of all colour and then refilled just as quickly with a bright pink as she looked between me and Olivia, both of us waiting patiently for her answer, "Um. Well. Sometimes a man gives a woman a, uh, _seed_. And if the, um, seed has all the things it needs inside a woman's tummy, then it, uh, grows into a baby."

I narrowed my eyes at her, slightly impressed by her comeback. _Dammit_. She'd blatantly read a book on what to say, touché Isabella, touché. Good comeback or not, Olivia was Olivia and her questioning would go on forever. I thought the ultimate answer to any question she brought up was 'because I said so.' Well fuck was I wrong. That just led to a whole new round of questions, 'why did I say so?', 'how do I know everything?', 'is that why my head's so big?'. I don't even have a larger than average head. I checked.

As funny as it would have been to watch Bella's shit eating grin fade as Olivia bombarded her with a ton of follow up questions, I decided to have mercy on her. Let the monster out a bit at a time, she might breakdown if everything was thrown at her left, right and centre.

Olivia's mind was beginning to conjure up questions, I could see it in her face, if I didn't act quickly we'd all be doomed. She was just about to start with her torrent of queries when I cut her off. Distraction is the best form of defence with her, "So what I'm saying is, you're getting a new brother or _sister_." Bella rolled her eyes at my emphasis on the sister part, even though it _was_ a girl.

Olivia looked between Bella and I, still confused although she had been distracted from the whole _seed_ business for now, "But Bella's not my mom so it can't be _my_ brother or sister?"

I shrugged, "It doesn't matter because I _am _your father." She thought about it for a while and then stood up on the bed, smiling.

"So, I get to be a big sister?" I nodded at her, "Awesome!" she began jumping on the bed, startling the living shit out of both pets who had, up until then, been soundly sleeping on top of each other. Bella smiled at her enthusiasm and the smile turned into a laugh as Olivia put her hand on her rounded stomach, "Hello baby, I'll try and be the best big sister ever, I promise. I haven't done it before so I might be bad. But we can play together."

I shook my head and laughed as she put her puppy on the floor and awkwardly held the cat who just looked like he hated life, looking seriously at Bella and waving a finger as she bounced towards the door, "Now Bella, you're looking after _my_ brother or sister there, so do a good job. I think you will, but don't hurt yourself any more, that's not good. I'm going to come back later, but I have to tell Meg and Grandma and Grandpa."

She called for her dog to follow her which, after shaking itself, it merrily did, almost mimicking her bounding steps. I turned to Bellaand was about to speak when Olivia's head appeared around the door again, "I forgot to say thank you daddy."

I smiled, "What for?"

"My birthday wish. It came true because you gave Bella a seed. So I love you a lot." She disappeared again and I looked at Bella who was grinning back at me.

"Well... that was better than I thought."She said contently. I narrowed my eyes at her before sighing and falling back into my previous position on the bed.

"You didn't do anything. I saved you, just so you know."

She snorted and lay back down too, "You stuck me right in it, what are you talking about!"

"Well I tried to but you squirmed your way out of that one quite nicely. A _seed_?"

She shrugged, "Yeah well, I've got a lot of mother and baby books from Rosalie, and I like to read. A lot." _I knew it..._ I smiled as she began twirling a lock of her hair around her finger, humming to herself, "So... just my dad left then. Saving the best until last."

"You'll be fine." I nudged the back of her hand with mine in an attempt to comfort her. I knew how hard it was, or how hard she thought it was going to be telling her father. I wasn't entirely sure why though; disappointment maybe?

"You don't know that." she frowned.

"You will be and anyway I'll be with you. So even if you're not fine, you'll be not fine with me. That's got to be better than being not fine on your own."

She was quiet. Her fingers began playing mine, delicately brushing over them; she was cautious as though she shouldn't be touching it at all. I didn't pull my hand away, of course I didn't. I relished the moments when I got to touch her. Even something so small as touching shoulders. There was a feeling within me, there was something about her that hadn't started off so strongly but was progressing into something bigger than just a thing with a girl I slept with once.

Yet we weren't anything, Bella and I.

We weren't together but I couldn't remember the last time I'd felt so alone being parted from someone. We weren't anything yet we were everything; she was my friend, she was more than that but I couldn't call her a lover because she wasn't, still she seemed like even more than that. And yet I couldn't kiss her without there being tears and apologies. I couldn't touch her in the ways I wanted to without feeling guilty. But I couldn't look at her without wanting to.

Life was a bitch.

Her hand glided over mine, she was discretely intertwining it with mine. I only really realised they were locked together when she whispered, "Ok." And squeezed.

We would remain nothing for now, but I couldn't help but hope that some day we could be something. More than this.

I hoped we could just be us. Happy and ourselves.

**Sniff, and review.**

**So Bella and baby are ok. Well, baby is ok, Bella not so much, but eh. And Edward. Well... what can I say other than SIGH. Ok, please review, I hope I don't have to keep you waiting. If you review, I promise, ok, I PROMISE to give you something by Sunday. Now that may mean a teaser OR a chapter. I'm hoping for the chapter but we'll see. Thanks again. Oh, also, read Iadorepugs one shot; **http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5410816/1/Ride_The_Wind - **It makes me want to wear leather ;) HAHA!**

**You know you love me, XOXO  
**


	18. Like A Star

**I just wrote the best A/N and it turns out, I wasn't logged in. Fuck. My. Life. Anyway, I can't be bothered to type it all out again but I basically wanted to say thank you to everyone, Julia for betaing, I think I returned all reviews, and if not thank you. I kept to my word, it's Sunday (well technically it's Monday here) and here's the chapter. I had a power cut and still got it up. It's a filler chapter of sorts, I don't know**, **it's all in Bella's POV too, so I hope you like it. Also, 4 reviews from 300?! Oh, come on!! So mean.  
**

**Song: Like A Star - **Corinne Bailey Rae

**BPOV**

It's amazing how much you can accomplish in a week when you originally thought there would be shit all to do.

I'd probably done more in the past week at Edwards house than I had done in my own apartment in the last year. Well, more of what I wanted to do. For the first time since I was a teenager, I got up and had _no _responsibilities. Because of my ankle amongst other things, my doctor and Edward had forbidden me to go to work. Edward actually said the furthest he would feel comfortable with me going was the front door – if I could make it that far – and no further.

Not that I had anywhere to go even if I got out of the door. Rose wasn't going to come and get me, Emmett still hadn't spoken to me and was working anyway, and Edward still had the keys to my apartment.

I could sleep in if I wanted to, I could make cake if I wanted to, I could talk to my cat all day if I wanted to. I felt like I was at some happy-go-lucky summer camp and Edward was the one camp leader who everyone fancied and giggled about later in their cabins.

I never went to a summer camp, my best friend and I classed it as officially lame when we were fourteen, it just didn't appeal to us. Charlie tried to make me go once and of course I refused. Up until I was about sixteen, I went through that 'I'm such a teenager. Don't talk to me. I hate your face. Leave me alone. I just want to wear crop tops with my dungarees and watch Saved by the Bell whilst talking about shit on the phone to my friends' phase. So I didn't really care for what he said anyway.

We didn't talk unless we had to; I figured he didn't really care, and I didn't really care that he didn't care. Until I was about seventeen and we moved back to Forks. I lost my friends, Emmett had his own life, I was alone and I realised my father _actually_ didn't like me.

Edward didn't talk much about his parent's but when he did, they just sounded perfect and it made me insanely jealous. Olivia talked about them more than he did, and I'd come to know quite a bit about them seeing as I spent more or less everyday doing something with her. I was having more fun with a six year old than I would have had with anyone my own age. Albeit, a lot of our activities required little movement, one because of my ankle, two because of my doctor _and_ Edward, and three, I was seventeen weeks pregnant; I didn't want to tempt the fates.

Seventeen is my unlucky number.

Everything bad happens around the number seventeen and me. Being seventeen years old was probably the most hated, uncomfortable, tiring year of my life. I've been to the hospital seventeen times. It was the seventeenth when Mike left me. My phone once sent out a particularly embarrassing text message to the seventeenth contact on my phone; it was meant for Rose but instead found its way to my brother. It may or may not have been about considering buying a vibrator...

Coincidence? I think not. The number seventeen is evil.

Nothing bad had happened this week though and I was basically into eighteen weeks now. The only thing I could think of was Olivia having an incident with the glitter, and that wasn't really an issue. She was just a bit sparkly for the next two days. Edward was at work most of the time which was both a good and bad thing. Good because my hormones had not quite settled down and the need to jump him was still pretty high, bad because, well, because it was Edward and I liked him being around.

The only thing to make up for both Edward and Alice working was having Olivia and Meg in the house. To be honest, spending time with Olivia was beginning to rival spending time with Edward, because six year olds don't judge me. My brothers evil twins do, but they're not normal children. She just seemed happy to have a girl in the house that spent time with her. Phil was her usual play pal but he had the summer off and only came by every now and then, and I never thought Meg had to do much other than cooking, but apparently she overlooked _all_ of the house staffs duties as well, so she was often busy too.

So it was just me, Olivia, her dog, my cat, the Macbook that Edward got me which, despite my best efforts to hate, I loved nearly more than life, a ridiculous amount of art supplies, nice weather and an abundance of time.

It was a recipe for disaster.

A beautiful disaster.

A beautiful disaster that often ended in three baths for everyone, including the animals, much to their dismay. Paint has a funny way of getting on everyone and everything apart from the paper it's _supposed_ to be on. Weird.

---

I was lounging in the living room plaiting Olivia's hair after an eventful day of drawing and painting Hammy, not physically painting my cat, but on paper. Needless to say, although commendably most of it ended up on the paper this time, Olivia still managed to get paint in her hair which I then had to wash out. We were going to make cookies after that even though it was the evening, but then Alice showed up and distracted me, so the cookies didn't happen. _Sorry cookies._

"So, I bought you a really nice pair of skinny jeans today because you're always complaining about it." Alice said nonchalantly flicking through a fashion magazine.

"I'm not always complaining, I mentioned it _once_ and I didn't even think you were listening."

"Once, twice, whatever. And I wasn't listening, but it obviously registered with some part of my brain. You need some proper clothes anyway, so this is really just the basics to start. Jeans are basic."

I nodded and rolled my eyes before I thought further on the matter and stopped plaiting as I looked over at Alice. Olivia wasn't paying attention, she was watching something or other on the TV, "Are they..." I paused for a moment, almost gagging at the thought, "maternity skinny jeans? Like, from... the maternity clothing bit?"

Alice looked up from her magazine and scoffed, "Um, no. If someone saw me in a maternity section they may feel inclined to believe _I'm _pregnant, which is just not true. Probably never will be, _hopefully_ never will be... No, they're not maternity jeans, they're normal but I got a bigger size than you usually take... although looking at you now, maybe I should have got the maternity ones... But I ordered this for you as well, so you can wear them with the button undone."

Honestly, I could not see a size bigger than what I usually take fitting, my hips and thighs has gotten so much bigger. If I hadn't been thrilled with my belly, I'm sure I would have been slitting my wrists in a corner whilst listening to Radiohead's old stuff over my increase in body mass. But then from her bag of magic, Alice pulled out what may well have been the Holy Grail.

"It's a Bella Band." She said stretching it in her hands before throwing it at me. And yes it _was _a 'Bella' band. It was made for me. The saviour of my life. I could almost see light coming off of it, I was so close to licking it.

For this Bella Band enabled me to basically wear anything. If my jeans that fit me pre-pregnancy no longer did up properly, I'd slip the Bella Band on and tadah, no one would even know I hadn't done the zip up because it would be covering it. It was like an elastic band for clothing, it stretched when I stretched. Apparently you could wear it like boob tube as well. I thought of it as just a myth, one day I knew I'd have to go in search of it, but now I had one and life was good. Life was so good. Hello skinny jeans. Goodbye maternity wear.

I had really come to enjoy the continuous expansion of my stomach, it was an awesome thing to experience but I did miss my skinny jeans. At the same time, a part of me was really opposed to buying maternity clothing and I'd never really thought to just buy bigger clothes so they fit my new size. That was probably a cheaper alternative too. Unfortunately for me, up until now, I had been living without my jeans although since it was summer, I wasn't in need of them too much.

I swear someone was slipping a baby drug into my meals because not only was I booking my prenatal classes for when my ankle was ok, reading endless amounts of pregnancy books and basically living on Google, but I couldn't wait to get bigger. Knowing there were certain clothes I couldn't physically get my ass, thighs or tits into now was kind of exciting. To think there was a person currently occupying my uterus and that _I, _as well as everybody else, had once been smaller than a dime in someone's _stomach_. Well, that was pretty weird. Amazing, but weird.

Unlike a couple months ago, I actually _wanted_ to blow up like a balloon now. I was even a little disappointed when I realised my stomach had changed shape ever so slightly and didn't look as round. Although, for seventeen weeks I would class myself as _pretty _big. I wasn't overreacting this time, I was bigger than average first time preggo's.

I know. I googled it.

Of course this led to further googling into reasons why I could be so big, and all of a sudden, there was a possibility of a hidden twin. The prospect of which nearly made me poop my pants. People with twins looked _huge_; in fact, the blogs and Google images I'd been scanning through nearly blew my mind. I wasn't even aware people's stomachs _could_ stretch that far. I had to wonder how they managed to get up every day, how the hell they slept at night totally boggled my brain too. _And I thought I got tired now..._

I began pondering my recent revelations as I continued plaiting Olivia's long hair, it wasn't something I'd brought up with Edward yet, "Don't you like children, Alice?"

She shook her head, her attentions back on her publication, "Can you imagine me with a child? I think a baby bump is one accessory I could do without. I like my life too much, I like the size of my clothes too much, I like my body too much, I like my freedom too much. It's just not going to happen."

"What about Jasper? He said he'd always wanted a child." Alice looked up at me incredulously, seemingly caught off guard.

"I didn't... we haven't talked about it... We're just seeing each other, Bella. Bringing up children into a conversation now is like asking him to marry me. We haven't even slept together yet." Tying the bottom, I let Olivia's finished plait fall onto her back as I rested back on the large pillow behind me, the little girl still sitting between my legs.

"Well, I'm not marrying Edward, a-"

"Yes you are, I'm marrying you two." Olivia said vacantly. I just smiled and rolled my eyes, taking a few seconds for her attention to drift again before continuing slightly quieter.

"And we're not seeing each other either" Alice raised her eyebrow, "We're not! We're just friends... and now we're having a baby." I shrugged.

"It didn't quite happen just like that though, did it Bella? You and Edward are completely different. I don't want to have this conversation right now, change the subject. Also, 'just friends'? 'Just friends' that have done more than Jasper and I have and we're actually seeing each other. I thought we talked about this with Meg?"

Olivia scooted backwards, lifting my arm so she could lie with her head on just on the side of my breast. That really freakin' hurt, so I had to move her myself so I was comfortable as well and my boobs wouldn't hate me. She wasn't even paying much attention to my obvious discomfort and let me move her limbs until I was sated. I looked down at her, eyes glued to the TV screen and her arm dropped over my stomach, before putting my arm back down over her and trying to remember what I was going to say.

When I looked over at Alice again, she was staring at me with a look of mild amusement, "What?" I asked, and her eyes looked down at Olivia before looking back at me. I looked down again myself and frowned, "She chose a really uncomfortable position, ok. You're boobs aren't the size of your face _and_ sore. Don't get me started."

Alice smiled and shrugged as I narrowed my eyes at her, "_Anyway._" I continued, "We didn't _really_ talk about it did we. I..." I lowered my voice, so much so I was basically miming the words, opening my mouth really wide to emphasise each word so she knew what I was saying, "I really like Edward, but that's it. I'm sure a ton of others girls do too."

"But he didn't get a ton of other girls knocked up. This love story is getting a little boring for me, Bella, already. Can you just tell him to see what he says? I already _know_ what he's going to say. He must adore you because I get itchy and cranky sometimes when I'm near him. If I'm getting itchy and cranky it's because he's been around you, and _you_ are around cotton-polyester fibres. Being itchy _makes _me cranky. He's risking my health and contentment just to see you, if that's not love, I don't know what is. Talk to him already, your constant indirect flirting is making me sick."

After my efforts to speak quietly, Alice just went and spoke normally and could have easily been overheard by Olivia. I narrowed my eyes at her again, "She not listening Bella. Look." She looked at Olivia and said in her normal tone, "Olivia, your dog's on fire in the bathtub. Probably dying an excruciating death."

Nothing. She didn't even blink.

"See," Alice said smugly, putting her magazine down. "Ok, look. If it makes you feel any better, I'll tell Jasper if you just _hint_ at Edward at least. And Jasper and I have been... well, us, for a lot longer than you two. And I actually _love_ him. _Love_. Earth shattering kind of love. Ridiculous amount of happiness kind of love. Cry yourself to sleep kind of love..." she trailed off before looking at me and sighing.

"Don't say anything. You just don't want to be like us, where I feel like I have an unrequited love and we go round in a vicious circle. It's really _not_ a good feeling, Bella. It's only _now_ we're actually seeing each other. I've known Jasper for as long as I've known Edward. Do you know how hard that is? To be honest, I'm sick of not knowing. So I'm going to take my own advice and tell him. And you should tell Edward."

My brow furrowed. "Alice, it's-"

"Tell me what?" Edward asked, walking into the room whilst reading part of a newspaper. Olivia returned back to earth then although she didn't move, she just looked up, smiled widely and greeted him. He returned the greeting before looking up from his paper, momentarily smiling at me and Olivia, and glancing between Alice and I. I was still essentially frowning at her, "Tell me what?" he asked again.

"Nothing..." I mumbled looking down.

"Something." Alice said matter-of-factly, smiling at me. She could be so damn evil sometimes. Edward looked at me expectantly but if I was going to tell him anything, it wouldn't be here and it wouldn't be now.

"Nothing. Don't worry about it. It's nothing," I said shaking my head and narrowing my eyes at her.

But Alice felt the need to ignore me and pipe up again, "It's not nothing, she just doesn't want to tell you."

"No..." _Um. Yes._ "It's not that at all. Really, it's _nothing_."

"For god's sake, Bella. It's not that hard, just say it."

"If it's not that hard, why haven't you done it yet? And even if it wasn't, _which it is_, now is not exactly the right time, is it?"

Edward was apparently forgotten as Alice rolled her eyes and stood up, "I'll do it. I'll do it _right now_."

I looked her straight in the eye and shook my head. "No you won't because it's not that easy," I scoffed.

If she was really willing to do it right now, so easily, why couldn't she have done it earlier? Yesterday? Last week? Last month? _Last year?_

She tried to glare me down, but I wasn't so scared of her any more. Once you separated Alice into sections, you saw the mean, scary section was only a minority of what made her _her_. It was just visible most of the time because she kept it close to the surface. And well I knew that now and, unfortunately for her, she'd let the other parts of Alice slip out too much for me to take her seriously. She was just a lovesick woman, drained, bored and confused.

When I actually looked and got to know her a bit more, I could actually identify all the parts about her that Jasper loved. Well actually, Jasper loved even the mean, scary Alice. Not that he would have witnessed her much seeing as she just about turns into a ball of mush around him. And I thought I had it bad.

She sat back down, defeated and picked her magazine back up, huffing and violently flipping the pages. I'm sure I heard a few tear. She had to be more pissed with herself than she was with me. Alice hated being wrong. She hated getting things wrong, she took perfectionist to a new extreme, which was rather ironic since her personal life was far from perfect.

"Ok... I don't know what just happened here..." Edward looked confused, possibly a little scared and a whole lot of gorgeous. God, I loved him in work clothes. Ironically, seeing him _in_ them just made me want to take them _off_ him. _That's right, take it allll off. Mhm_. I could hear the stripper music in my head... I'd definitely be waving hundred dollar bills in the air. Amen.

"I'll tell you some time... I guess." I looked at him, silently asking him not to take it any further because I couldn't go into it here, _now_. He nodded, looking slightly concerned, "Oh, it's nothing bad, I don't think... it's just I don't want to have this conversati-" I stopped midsentence, sitting up at the same time Olivia, my hands gripping the sides of my stomach, "Did you feel that?" I asked her as she tilted her head to the side.

"Mmm, a teeny, tiny, little bit. Maybe. Not really. Wasn't it just your stomach rumbling?" Other than my hands moving around my bump, I sat completely still.

"No... I don't think it was." Alice glanced up as Edward moved round to stand in front of me.

"What? What happened?" I internally rolled my eyes at Edward who was standing there as if if needs be, he'd sweep me up and fly me back to hospital for a internal, external, upside-down, inside out, every possible type of check up. God knows what he's going to do in the winter because I am extremely prone to the common cold. I normally get it around the holidays and it doesn't go until February. I was supposed to be having this baby in December.

"You know the other day I said I could feel something kind of bubbly in my stomach and you said not to get too excited because it's probably gas... well, it just happened again and I'm seventy nine point five percent sure that it wasn't gas. I don't usually get gas in exactly the same place. And this was kind of fluttery as opposed to just bubbly" I prodded around to see if it would happen again, but apparently this wasn't going to be a regular occurrence just yet.

"Really?" His face relaxed into a smile.

"Yeah, it's kinda like- ooh!" I grabbed his hand almost making him topple on top of me and put it to where I could feel the fluttering sensation again in my stomach, "That is not gas."

"I can't feel anything." He laughed and Olivia put her hand under Edwards and frowned, obviously not being able to feel it either. Well, they could both suck it because _I _could feel it. And I really didn't think that was gas, it was hard to tell the difference but there was one.

"Well I guess it's not that strong yet, but I'm pretty sure that's the baby doing something or other. Oh wow, I think I've like disrupted it... it's not stopping. Can't you feel that at all?"

"I can!" Olivia gasped, moving off of the sofa and placing Edwards hand where hers had been. "It's kind of rumble-y. Can you feel it?" She made a weird noise she associated with the feel. To be honest, she had it pretty much spot on, it was like blubblelubblela but a bit more fluttery and swishy sounding then that. It was amazing, and with Edwards hand where it was I was feeling a considerable amount of blubblelubblela, a lot more than I had before.

He was quiet for a while and we all watched him, my eyes occasionally looking down at my belly before looking back at him. Soon enough a large grin appeared on his face and I continued to try and explain the weirdness going on behind my bellybutton, "It feels like a butterfly has fallen into a Jacuzzi with a goldfish and their swimming around. It's not been this obvious before though. Well, for me anyway. Normally I can barely tell if it's happening. But then it may well have been gas before."

Edward laughed and gave me a smug look, "It's not very strong because _girls_ don't kick very hard."

I narrowed my eyes and snorted, "Edward, if I kicked you now, you would cry. It's not very strong because _he_ is only just about eighteen weeks."

He laughed again, his hand still on my stomach as he leaned down closer to my face, "Maybe so, but _she's_ a girl."

"Definitely a boy. It's in my stomach right now, I think I'd have more of a clue."

"You've not had a baby before."

"You haven't _had_ one either. Last time I checked males can't conceive. _He_'s a boy."

"Girl."

"Boy." I said, narrowing my eyes and leaning up to him, almost so our noses were touching.

Letting his eyes drop down and scan my body back up to my eyes, he chuckled, his mouth turning up at one side to that crooked smile I hadn't seen in ages. What a bitch, bring out the crooked smile when things get tough? Can't take being _wrong_ eh, Cullen? He was playing dirty and I wasn't about to stand for it, "It is definitely female." He put both hands on either side of my belly, rubbing gently and moving one knee onto the sofa.

"I know one when I feel one." His hands began running further up, underneath my tank top this time, so discretely I'm sure no one would be any wiser, despite how close Alice and Olivia were. My breath definitely halted when he traced his fingertips on the underwire of my bra, "Believe me." he whispered, his hands sliding back down but keeping a firm grip on my waist, his cheeky smirk still in place.

_Where the hell is the fucking referee when I need one? Ding, ding, time out, time out! This must be some kind of impeachment of the rules, you can't try and persuade opponents this way, it's not fair! And what about my poor heart? It can't cope under this pressure and it's not like my hormones are running riot as it is or anything. It's not like advances of any sexual kind set me off for a week or anything..._

God damn he was good.

Too fucking good.

Alice hit Edward round the back of the head with her now rolled up magazine, thus making herself the ref in our silent battle.

"If that's as far as you're going to go then stop teasing, it's not nice. The both of you are so incredibly stupid it might be funny to watch to someone who enjoys that kind of thing, but I don't. Quit doing whatever the hell it is your doing and..." She lowered her voice as Olivia, who had again been brainwashed by the TV, kept on looking over her shoulder every now and then, "open your fucking eyes! The both of you. For crying out loud. Now, I'm going home, goodbye."

She turned around and kissed Olivia on the cheek, giving both me and Edward, who was still basically on top of me, a stern look before making a swift exit. I felt like I was some kind of five year old who'd just been caught with my hand in the cookie jar. It wasn't even my hand, it was Edwards.

I turned my head from where Alice had been standing to look up at Edward who was still staring down at me. He wasn't looking so cheeky anymore, just... well I don't know. I suddenly became aware of my breathing, quicker than normal. I suddenly became aware of Edward breathing, also quicker than normal. And we were so fucking close, I could just cross that invisible boundary we set and kiss him. I could. I wanted to. He'd already crossed it with his little stunt just there.

Apparently Edward Cullen could do whatever Edward Cullen wanted to do within his house. And I just followed suit, and rather enjoyed following suit actually.

But Edward wasn't doing what I wanted him to do. He was doing probably what he _thought_ I would want him to do; pull away, apologise for 'making things weird', for crossing the line, pretend we didn't keep having these stupid _just fucking kiss me_ moments. Move on. Forgive and forget. Except that wasn't working out so great for us, especially since I was now in his house, all day, every day, until whenever my apartment was sorted, which would be soon. _Very_ soon, I'd got a call earlier on in the day saying it would be only another two days max, and although my ankle was still painful, I could limp so there really wouldn't be much keeping me here.

So maybe, while I was in Edwards house, we could play by Edwards rules. Or maybe we could not play by any rules at all and just... go with it.

Edward however, unaware of the thoughts in my head, sat back, sighed and frowned. I felt bad seeing him obviously chiding himself for everything he'd just done when I didn't actually want him to stop. I would have probably _made _him carry on if their weren't other people in the room. I would have let him do whatever the hell he thought it took to convince me the baby was a girl not a boy. And I'd be pretty hard to convince because I _knew_ it was a boy.

I've lived with men all my life, Charlie, Emmett, Mike, Hammy. I know what it's like to be around testosterone. Plus, I just had this feeling. I just knew and Edward would not be able to convince me otherwise. The only thing that could was the ultrasound that told us, for sure, whether it was a girl or a boy. But until then, I was certain I was having a boy.

"Uh, I'm-" I sat up a bit, putting my hand on Edwards chest to stop him from saying the inevitable. _I'm sorry, Bella. It won't happen again, Bella. Let's go and make cookies instead of sweet, sweet love, Bella. _God.

"No..." I whispered, gently fisting his shirt in my hand and pulling him closer to me, "Don't apologise." I breathed, letting every part of my senses lap up as much of him as they could, while they could. Looking up at him under my eyelashes before glancing down at his lips, I licked my own in anticipation.

His breath came down on my face, cool on my lips, his eyes closed and face pained slightly, as if he was waiting for disappointment.

It's a shame, I wasn't about to give him disappointment.

I leaned closer, levelling my face with his, pausing for a moment to wonder if I really wanted to do this. And I really did, of course I _did_, it would have been stupid if I thought otherwise.

Our noses touched and I smiled a little as Edward breathed out deeply and opened his eyes. The intensity of his eyes almost burnt a whole in mine. It felt almost as if I was dumb, deaf and blind to everything but him. At this particular time, there was only him.

I closed my eyes as my brow crumpled, not in frustration but concentration. I was concentrating all of my efforts and thoughts onto him which was rather hard seeing as my heart was trying to distract me, using its best efforts of escaping from my chest. I sighed, content as I rubbed my nose against his again, his skin so soft touching mine. I inhaled slowly, allowing my body to draw him into my lungs.

My grip on his shirt tightened as I leaned even closer into him, tilting my head and momentarily stopping. Literally not even inches from his lips, I opened my eyes, my eyelashes skimming his cheek as I look up at him once more. His eyes were still closed, waiting impatiently, just as he always was. Although he hid it well, I knew better, Edward wasn't a patient man. So I couldn't help the smile that crept onto my face as I watched him struggle, teasing him by brushing my lips over his. He leant forward trying to capture my lips but I pulled back.

He stopped, and we both looked at each other, confusion and then regret immediately crossing Edwards face. I smiled as reassuringly as I could, putting a hand on the side of his face and holding him there. _I _wanted to kiss him first, he couldn't do the whole 'it's all my fault' shit, if I initiated it. It had to be me.

I approached him again, my heart pounding in my chest and in my ears. I wasn't lingering around so much this time. I went straight for his lips, gently pressing mine against his, my whole body fizzling as I did. The good kind of fizzle. The slightly exploding, very much _alive_ kind of fizzle. I couldn't describe what it was, but it was amazing and instant and fulfilling. So I did it again, letting him kiss me back this time. Nothing fancy, just soft, languid touches of our lips, again and again. Each long and slow, just like the one before, his impatience and want spilling into each.

We stopped just as my insides popped. I think it was actually just the baby starting up again, except I now had the same gurggling feeling occupying my chest, and my head, and my heart and my everything. It was weird and amazing. It was all butterflies and goldfish and Jacuzzi's. Weird and amazing.

I trailed my fingertips down his cheek, I could feel all the tiny bits of stubble waiting to grow back and then the smooth sections where hair just didn't grow. I took a moment to just watch my hand on his face and how he tilted ever so slightly into it. I don't know how long I could have stayed there doing that. I felt completely disconnected from the real world until the real world reconnected itself with me, and apparently I really needed to piss.

Talk about total mood killer.

I bit my bottom lip giving Edward an apologetic smile, dropping my hand to his sides as he rested his brow against mine, "Um. I need to go to the bathroom."

He looked at me blankly for a second before pulling back off of me, looking as if he was struggling to decide if he should be ok with that or not. Whether he should apologise now or not. _I say not_, "I'm not going to cry or anything, Edward. I just need to pee."

"Oh... ok." I swung my legs off of the side, gently putting my bad leg onto the ground and sighing before I attempted to get up. I couldn't be bothered to reach over and get my crutches. I could easily survive without them.

"I won't apologise. I'm not sorry. But we'll talk when I get back?" I assured him, touching his cheek and then I pushing myself off the sofa. Edward stared at me for a while and then nodded, looking over at Olivia.

I had totally forgotten Olivia was even in the room. She'd been so quiet, and I'd been so caught up, it didn't cross my mind at all that she may have turned around and thought, '_hey, what the fuck is going on here?_'. Six year olds may not think with expletives but I do.

It became apparent, as the cartoon on the TV ended with some annoying jingle, that Olivia had not been paying any attention in the slightest as she turned round wide eyed, "Did you see that? It was the best episode I've ever seen! Ever! Daddy, were you watching it?"

Edward seemed to have spaced out and then looked between Olivia and I, his shirt still crinkled from where I was holding it, "Uh, the... no, sorry, I missed it."

"But you were sitting right there!" I snorted to myself as Olivia went about explaining what happened. _Yes Edward, you were sitting right there, what happened?_

Unfortunately for me, what I hadn't thought of when I went to limp off to the toilet was the fact I'd been on crutches for most of the week, I still had a limp even though I wasn't using the crutches, and during the period of time I'd not been walking but lounging around, my baby and so my stomach had grown.

What I was not prepared for was how totally off balance I had become. My centre point was completely off, I was walking like a drunk woman. And I was limping. I didn't really notice how askew I was until I nearly toppled over for no reason. And then I nearly walked into the doorframe even though I was clearly heading for the actual door.

I wibbled and wobbled my way to the bathroom, my bare feet padding across the floor to an irregular tempo as I swayed and limped here and there. I don't even want to know what I looked like. As I began making my way back to the living room in a similar state to how I had left, I saw Edward leaning on the door frame, trying not to laugh and failing miserably.

"Fuck. You." Was all I said as I concentrated on making a marginally straight route over to where he stood.

"I mean, I can understand you must have got a bit overwhelmed kissing me Bella, but this is really something."

"You know you said girls don't kick hard? Well if you don't shut up, you're going to find out just how hard. And where it hurts as well."

He laughed loudly, "You wouldn't be able to aim properly. You'd go for my balls and kick the air between my legs."

I stopped and scowled at him, "You know what? I don't want to talk to you now because you're being mean and I don't think I like you when you're mean."

"I think you do. Do you want me to get your crutches for you? Just so you can stabilise yourself." I sighed looking at his patronising face and lowered my head, nodding glumly at how pathetic that sounded and how very sad I must look.

While Edward went about getting me my own stabilisers, Hammy paraded past, stopping when he saw me to give me one of _those_ looks, "Hey, you want to try having a shitty ankle and trying to carry another person around with you _inside_ your stomach? It's not easy, stop looking at me like that." I said, narrowing my eyes at him.

He strolled over, meowing as he slinked in and out of my legs. I looked down and realised not only had I completely lost my feet, but it now looked like I had a penis as my cats tail appeared and disappeared from beneath me. Edward came back, crutch in hand and stood staring at me incredulously.

"Uh... Bella, what are you doing?" I continued to watch Hammy's tail flick from side to side, but didn't look up. _What am I doing? Oh you know, just imagining what it would be like if my cats tail really was my penis. The usual, you know._

"Um. I was going to pick my cat up... but he went under my legs. It just looks funny." He handed me the crutch and raised an eyebrow.

"Right..." He bent down and picked Hammy up, holding him out in front of him before looking at me, and putting Hammy under one arm, holding out the other, "You can't begin to understand how much I hate cat hairs and I cannot believe this cat is on my suit right now but..." He sighed deeply as I put my arm through his, "Come on."

I did actually know how much Edward hated cat hairs, and I was stuck between crying and laughing as I watched him giving Hammy unimpressed glances and vice versa. It was like the two had formed a hatred of each other over hairs. Hammy rather enjoyed flouting Edwards number one invisible rule which applied only to him which was 'don't move'. Edward flinched and his eye twitched just a bit when he saw Hammy rubbing up against furniture, or people, or things.

He thought I didn't notice. I did. He hated my cat. And there wasn't much I could do to change that. Hammy was a pain in the ass at the worst of times, but considering he was an animal, I loved him more than most people. He couldn't possibly be anywhere I wasn't, he'd just get depressed and so would I.

But Edward let me bring my cat with me, and despite the fact I was certain whenever he spaced out he was making plans to skewer him without me noticing, I was extremely grateful.

He let me stay in his house. He let me be a moody bitch. He let me totally hog the best sofa. He did stuff he didn't need to, to make things easier for me on a daily basis. He even let me kiss him, and didn't run off to cry in a bathroom afterwards either. I didn't even say thank you half the time.

"Thank you." I said quietly as we made our way up the stairs, very, _very_ slowly. Crutches and stairs are not meant to be. We should have taken the elevator.

"What for?" He asked.

I shrugged, hugging the arm I clung to, "Just... everything."

**There you go, I hope you liked it. Edward picked up Bella's cat, just because it's her :') sniff. Haha! Ok, so just to recap the main bits of this chapter: Bella and Olivia BFF's (haha). Bella's Bella Band. Alice needing to tell Jasper (and vice versa). Alice vs. Bella. Butterflies and goldfish in a jacuzzi. The sex of the baby (Oh, who do you think is right by the way? Just wondering) Bella and Edward. And then Hammy, just because I love that cat haha. E+B need to talk, but hello, progression? Yes? Good? Maybe...**

**Just review you crazy cats ;) Bonsoir, You know you love me, XOXO**

**(Also, I made a banner for this, it took me SO LONG I do not understand editting things, but I'll put the link on my profile- eh, I was bored. If someone can make a better one, feel free haha)  
**


	19. All I Wanted

**Disclaimer: You need one of these every now and again, so, as if you didn't already know, I don't own these characters and what not because suprsingly enough, I'm not SM. Wow.**

**I can't remember if there is anything I specifically want to say... so thanks, as usual, for reviews and everything. THANK YOU JULIA. Honestly, I can't remember if I replied to reviews or not... I think I replied to most of them but I can't be sure of that. If I didn't; sorry, I love you. Uh, here's the next chapter incase you hadn't guessed. Just for future reference, Bella always thinks of the baby as a boy and Edward as a girl, so don't be confused when it says 'he' or 'she', they don't actually know until next chapter... **

**Song: All I wanted- **Paramore

**BPOV**

_I shot up in my bed, my breath was coming hard and fast, almost creating a dull ache within my chest. I felt like I was breathing but I wasn't getting any oxygen to my lungs; it was like the air was full of nothingness. Frantically I looked down at the bed for something that could help me, anything, I just needed to breathe. _

_As I looked down the bed I noticed there was a baby lying there sleeping, moving its arms and legs randomly as it dozed. I stopped fretting for a moment and smiled; although one of my hands was on my throat, I moved the other absently towards the baby's foot, almost forgetting the amount of discomfort I was in. But as I reached out, I realised I was further away from the baby than I thought._

_I frowned in confusion as I reached forward again, knowing my perception of depth was just fine, yet again I missed. I tried again, and again, and still I couldn't touch it. I physically moved myself on my hands and knees down the bed and still I couldn't touch it. Panic began settling in as I continued to crawl and the baby continued to be just out of reach. It didn't make any sense, as I got closer it seemed to be moving further and further away. Again my breathing began to quicken but still I wasn't inhaling enough of what I needed._

_Tears started falling as I gasped for the air I so needed to be alive and still crawled down the bed, reaching out to a baby that seemed unattainable. Suddenly, it stirred and then woke, gurgled cries now filling the room that seemed to be getting increasingly smaller, its chubby little arms reaching out to nothing as it fussed on the white sheets of my bed. My advances seemed pointless yet each one was all the more purposeful now. I crawled and lunged and nothing as the cries increased in volume and anxiety, as did my own. _

_I looked to the foot of the bed, although now blurred by my tears, I could see Edward standing there. I wiped my eyes and looked at him desperately. He looked back at me vacantly, standing in a fresh suit, completely unfazed by the scene in front of him, "Help me." I said, my voice raspy and barely audible._

_The baby's cries seemed to be echoing off of the walls which I realised where much closer than they had been, still Edward just stood. Gently, he stroked the side of the baby's head which did nothing for the crying but increase the volume. The cries seemed to be eerily calling my name, along with 'mommy' and occasionally 'I need you'._

_It suddenly hit me that this wasn't just a baby on my bed, it was _my_ baby on my bed. But I couldn't do anything to get to him and Edward was just watching me with a look of mild disgust on his face. I tried once again to get to him, impossibly more desperate knowing that my baby specifically needed _me_. _

_And I continuously failed, over and over. I tried again and again and I couldn't reach. And I couldn't breathe. I was failing. It was all too much, "Help me." I tried again, but again Edward made no attempt._

_My baby stilled. He stopped crying, he stopped moving, he stopped breathing. He just was. I stopped crying and hesitantly reached out once more and this time I could touch him. But he wasn't my baby anymore, he was cold, he was hard and he was plastic. My lungs began to burn as I took in more strangled breaths, looking around for _my_ baby. He was here and now he wasn't._

"_Edward, help me!" I screamed, using the very last bits of my oxygen supply. I fell to the bed, unable to breath, unable to speak, barely able to move. I looked up at Edward one last time, my body screaming out desperation. He gazed down at me and shook his head._

_I blinked and then he had our baby in his arm; the baby cooing quietly, absently moving his arms and legs and gurgling. I blinked again and everyone was standing beside him, their faces mimicking his look of disappointment as they all looked down at me. Alice, Jasper, Rose, Emmett, Charlie who looked a little confused as to why a baby was even there, Angela, Olivia, the twins, _Mike_ even Bea and Camille. And my cat. But worst of all, standing just behind Edward but clearly visible to me, was my mom, or at least the image of her I had from videos and pictures. _

_She just looked at me sadly, coming forward to stroke the top of my head before standing back and giving me an apologetic look. A 'maybe next time, Bells' look. A 'you tried and failed' look. But there wasn't going to be a 'next time', I obviously wasn't trying hard enough and I failed. I just. Failed. _

_And then I think I died._

---

"Um, Bella, I was just wondering if you would not mind if maybe you didn't want to eat that pancake, so I could eat it?" Olivia asked, or at least I thought that was a question, as I stared at the smiley faced pancake in front of me. I'd already eaten one and surprisingly enough, I wasn't feeling so hungry right now. It was more lunch time now than breakfast and I'd eaten breakfast. This was brunch.

"You can have it if you want." I said, offering her a half hearted smile as I pushed the plate across the island to where she sat. She smiled and delved into yet another pancake, I watched for a second but I didn't miss the look Meg was giving me.

"Hey, you ok Bells? You seem a bit..." Olivia looked over while she filled her mouth as Meg turned my face this way and that, inspecting me.

"I'm fine I just didn't get much sleep last night." I mumbled as she pressed the back of her hand to my forehead.

"You feel a bit hot. Hm, and why aren't you eating? Are you ill again, because if you are can you tell me before you pass out and I have to get you to the hospital?" I couldn't take Meg seriously when she started mommying me, it was sweet and I appreciated her concern, but I was fine and an adult.

"I'm _fine_. Really. I'm just not that hungry."

"Well you're hungry every other day. And whether _you're _hungry or not, I'm sure the little person inside you is." I sighed, glancing down at my belly before putting my arms down on the work surface and resting my head on top.

"I _have_ actually eaten, and neither of us are hungry right now. Just tired." Meg sighed loudly and shook her head as she went about making herself some coffee, I decided to sit and watch Olivia eat. She was really odd, she spent the majority of the time talking to the pancake before breaking bits off and not so discretely dropping them down to the ever growing puppy that was patiently waiting below.

That dog was growing so quickly it was scary, it was only tiny when she got it, now it was... well, not tiny. Hammy had noticed too, as time went on and the dog got bigger, I noticed a shift in status. Hammy would tiptoe past her and spend a lot of his time sitting on high chairs glaring down. I could almost hear him saying '_Why I ought-a..._'. Kitty remained completely oblivious and just wanted to play with everyone and everything, including Hammy. I was just glad they weren't fighting. Yet.

"Great, so there's something wrong with the both of you." I looked up to see Meg holding a cup of coffee whilst looking at a very annoyed and dishevelled looking Edward. He ran his hands through his hair, scratching the side of his face and yawned rather loudly. Things I'd learnt from living here: Edward is _not_ a morning person. He really, really isn't.

"Both of us?" He grumbled, glancing between Olivia and I, silently questioning which of us Meg was referring to. She nodded towards me.

"I reckon missy over there is ill again. And now trying to starve herself. She has a temperature." She said, sipping her coffee.

Edward turned to me and immediately woke up. It was like someone just kicked him in the balls and that was it; he was paying attention now. Not that there was anything to get worried about, I was fine, which was more than I could say for him. He looked like he was already dead, fresh from Thriller. His eyes were rather drooped as if he hadn't got enough sleep the night before. _I_ hadn't got enough sleep the night before but Edward just looked like he hadn't slept, and if he had, it was with his eyes open. And the man was beautiful, there is no doubt in my mind about that, and I like him more than he knows, but the image of him sleeping with his eyes open was creepy. Elmo kind of creepy.

The weird thing is, he looks like this a lot of the time when he's just woken up, despite the fact I _knew_ he'd been sleeping like a baby for hours.

He walked over to where I was sitting, standing in the space between both Olivia and I and put a hand on both of our foreheads. "You are quite hot Bella. If you feel unwell I can take you to the doctors?"

I sat up narrowing my eyes briefly in Megs direction, "No, Edward, really I'm fine, just tired, I'll go and lie down in a minute..." Edward frowned at me, not seeming at all convinced, "Edward, seriously. If you _really _want to know my boobs are killing me, I wake up most mornings feeling like I have a cold when it's summer, and also look..." I sat up straight removing the cardigan I had on and buttoned up, to reveal my pyjama tank top and two darker blue circles on the swell of my breasts.

"I'm leaking!" I pointed out, literally pointing at my boobs, "It's so gross, I feel like a cow, apparently I need milking. And this is with a bra on! I don't have anything to stop it going through. Oh and I have the beginnings of a really bad head ache, and something in here is making me nauseous to the point where I may actually throw up. _And_ you didn't come back last night, I had a bad dream, now I'm tired."

Edward came into my room every night apart from the nights he worked late, and we'd just sit and talk, I'd change into my pyjamas and he'd go to his room and do whatever he did, and then we'd sit and talk some more until I usually fell asleep. He came into my room last night, after helping me up the stairs, and I was going to tell him everything, or at least part of _everything_. I was going to tell him how I felt about him, about us, about our situation.

Well, we talked for a while, not about _that_, just about stuff as usual, I changed and he went to his room, except he didn't come back. I waited but then I fell asleep and had a horrible dream which then kept me awake most of the night. Hence the lack of sleep on my part, not to mention the discomfort that comes along with a ten ton belly.

"That's all. Other than that I'm fine." I finished, resuming my position with my head on my arms.

"Why do you need milking?" Olivia asked and the three of us turned to look at her, Meg looking mildly amused as she sipped her drink and Edward looking at me with a mischievous grin that obviously meant _I _was the one who was going to have to explain.

I sat up again and looked down at my boobs and sighed, "Um." The little girl had now finished feeding the dog with her pancake and it was curled up beside the leg of her chair, sated with its meal. She sat wide eyed, awaiting my answer, "Well, when someone is going to have a baby, their... boobies-" Meg nearly choked on her coffee and I heard Edward try to stifle a laugh at my choice of words but I ignored them, "start making milk for the baby to drink when it's born."

"So... you're like a cow? Is someone really going to milk you?" The image that was then projected in my head of someone actually trying to milk me was rather disturbing. I also got the impression both Edward and Meg had a similar picture in mind since Meg was laughing quietly over the sink and Edward... well Edward apparently doesn't do discrete and may as well been standing there pointing at me while he laughed.

"Yes and no." I answered, sending a glare Edwards way, "When I have the baby, then hopefully _he_ or she will just drink it from my... boobs. But I'll have to be 'milked' in a way, I'll have to put milk into bottles too."

"Could _I_ drink that milk?"

"Uh." Well technically she could, nothing was stopping her and it wouldn't cause her any harm. It's just breast milk tasted vile, and damn did I know it. I do not know what on earth possessed Rosalie to fill a normal milk carton with her boob produce, apparently she was 'out of bottles'. Evidently she was out of brain cells too.

"Well, no, not really. It's special milk for the baby so it can grow up and be strong, like you. The milk only tastes nice to babies, it tastes really bad to everyone else." _Really_ bad to everyone else. The only reason babies must be able to tolerate the stuff is because they haven't tasted other luxuries to know the whitish coloured liquid crap their mothers feed them is exactly that; whitish coloured liquid crap.

"If your boobies are full of milk, do they get heavy? They must be heavy. When I get the milk out of the fridge it's heavy."

"Um. Well it's not too heavy yet because there's not too much in there. I don't think anyway. I don't really know..."

"Ok, let's move off of the subject of boobs and milk and milk from boobs, please." Edward said smiling a little too widely, "Olivia, go and get washed and changed, I know what we're going to do today." I was quite grateful he was changing the subject, at least I hoped he was. I was however a little concerned about what it was he was thinking of doing.

Olivia slid down off of her chair and then stood beside her father, poking at his legs, "Where are we going? Can Kitty come?" she asked, looking up at him all blue eyed and cute as a pea.

And then Edward uttered the last words I wanted to hear him say. "We're going shopping, so I'm sorry Kitty can't come but we'll take her for a walk when we get back."

"Wait, wait." I said a little frantically as Olivia skipped off, "By '_we_' you don't mean me do you?" I hope to fuck he does not mean me.

"This is a collective we so yeah, I do mean you as well. We need to go shopping _for you_, it would be a hell of a lot easier if _you_ were actually there." You know what, life would be a hell of a lot easier if I was a unicorn. All I'd need to do is grow, eat grass, poop shit, sparkle, look pretty and no one would even know I existed.

"Oh please, _no_." I groaned, smacking my head down a little too hard on the work surface, "When you say 'shopping for me' you don't mean clothes, do you?" I said rubbing my forehead as I felt a protest begin under the surface of my skin where it had come into contact with the granite surface.

"Well if you need Maternity clothing, then yes. You might need different bras, I've seen you fiddling with the ones you wear, and you need pads apparently, unless you enjoy leaking. We should probably start getting some other stuff too... I'll call Alice, she already has a list."

_Normal_ shopping I would have done with a fucking huge smile on my face, I would have just been happy to get out of the house. I've forgotten what people who aren't the usuals or in some kind of uniform look like. The cleaning staff had become my usuals, so much so, I can say they are really nice people except one of them I don't talk to. Kudos for guessing. I can also name them all, surname included, tell you where about they live, have lived, and about their families.

I'm not sad, I just got really fucking bored when Olivia went to her friend's house for the _whole_ day. I was seriously about to cover myself in glitter and roll around on the floor. The fact I can't really roll fully totally foiled my plans however, and the afternoon was spent drawing.

Proper drawing, as in I got inspiration from nowhere and started drawing this picture. I think I know what it's going to be, I go into this weird world when I'm being arty. It's like I'm totally oblivious to my actions, I just let my hand move. And well my hand was moving like a motherbitch on speed that day. I didn't finish it, I still need to add accents and finish the shading and stuff but... yeah.

I was not about to go shopping. Not only was it _not_ for normal clothing, it was for _maternity_ clothing, and I feel like making the sign of the cross after I say that. I actually wanted to get baby stuff, that was exciting, but at the same time I didn't want to feel too keen. Can you get too keen over a baby? I don't know, but if it was just for the baby stuff I would be fine. But no, this was a trip for _mother_ and baby, it was stupid but I just didn't want Edward to be there for the mother buying.

I don't know what it is about the fact he even noticed my bras are uncomfortable that makes me cringe, but it does. Which is totally stupid seeing as most of the time I'm imagining him taking it off, you'd need to notice it to remove it. But this is embarrassing, and then he does this whole "most pregnant women have to do it" or "it happens to most pregnant women" shite. It's all very nice but most pregnant women don't have a god-of-a-sperm-bank intending to skip along while they endure these things that happen to 'most pregnant women'.

Hands up for those who do? Oh, just me then? I thought as much.

"Edward." I groaned, dragging out his name but then I sounded like I was growling so I stopped, "Please. The baby shopping I'm absolutely fine with, more than fine, but _me_ shopping? Yeah, not so fine. Not... with, um, you there anyway... sorry, but it's so... cringey and embarrassing." I dragged my hands down in my attempt to express the cringe-worthiness but it didn't seem to be working. Edward just stood with raised eyebrows, "You're not buying it are you?" I said, dropping my arms.

"Nope." He took both of my hands, pulling me off the chair making me collide with his body, my hands in front of me, on his chest, "You're not getting out of this. You owe me a talk by the way, I came back last night and you were sleeping, I went for like, ten minutes and you were out." Ok, so maybe I got a bit sleepy waiting, but ten minutes seemed like an hour.

"And I don't know why it's so cringey, you're the one who's pregnant, I'm the one who impregnated you. When you're in labour we're going to see a _whole_ lot more than your tits, leaking or not. Plus I've seen it all before."

"I'm still in the room." Meg said absent mindedly as she sat flicking through a Cosmopolitan magazine. Never really saw her as a Cosmo woman... Still, on cue, as Edward turned me round to face the door, his hands further on my shoulder, my cheeks lit up like a tree at Christmas.

I hung my head in shame and defeat as I traipsed out, "I'll find a way to ditch you, Cullen." I murmured as I left.

"Funny, Swan, that's going to be hard when I super glue myself to your arm." I wouldn't be receiving such threats if I were a unicorn.

I wish I was a fucking unicorn.

---

"Bella, there's someone at the door for you." Meg called up the stairs to me as I made my way down the hallway, fully washed, dressed and ready for shopping! Cough... And who the hell wanted to see me now?

As I slowly made my way round the curve of the stairs, the visitor still out of view, I listened in to the conversation to see if I knew who it was. But no one was talking. The first person that came into view was Olivia, she was just standing staring at whoever had just walked into the house and the dog was pretty much mimicking her pose. She looked up at me and smiled as I came down, seemingly forgetting the visitors.

"Bella, look, it's my new dress. The one daddy got me... but you chose it. But I love it anyway." She said, spinning around so her light pink summer dress splayed out momentarily around her and then deflated again.

"Well it looks very pretty on you." I said kindly and smiled as I further descended the stairs, following the curve round until I was stood at the bottom facing the last person... people I thought would be standing there. Well maybe not the _last_ but they certainly weren't up there on my '_People who may or may not turn up at Edwards house asking for me' _list. Well not since recent events.

"Hey, Bella. Good to see you can walk again." My sister-in-law beamed at me, hoisting up the little blonde boy who was looking around the house inquisitively yet cautious. His eyes kept on going back to Olivia as she twirled and her dog that ran around her in circles. "This is such a nice house. I told you we should have moved to this side of town." Rose said, nudging the side of the great oaf who stood slightly in front of her.

"But then we decided it was too much in the city, _remember_. You wanted a garden." Rosalie grunted disapprovingly, again hitching the little boy up before looking enviously around the room. The large man rolled his eyes and then looked back at me, offering a sort of apologetic smile. His eyes widening a little as he quickly scanned me over and then stopped at my face again.

"Hey, Bells."

"Hey, Emmett." I knew my brother literally better than the back of my hand, but you have to ask yourself, who the hell actually studies the back of their hand because I don't? I don't know the back of my hand at all.

Anyway, I knew why he was here, I knew what he wanted to say but was never going to. I understood my brother; he came to apologise, he'd try and stutter his words but I'd cut him off, he'd smile, I'd smile, life went on. The fact he was standing there, to me, was apology enough. So understandably I couldn't help the slightly goofy smile that appeared on my face because I'd waited for what felt like _forever_.

"Uh, look Bella, I'm so sorry I was a complete di-" Rosalie nudged him, her eyes flitting from both Seth and Olivia, "An idiot. I've been an idiot. And well-"

"I know." I cut in, still smiling at him.

"So, I guess, I just, uh...-"

"I get it. It's ok, Em."

"Cool." He nodded, looking awkwardly at the people around before twisting his mouth and looking back at me, "It's just, you're my little sister, and I still think of you as a baby. But now you're _having_ a baby... and you actually look pregnant... I'm sorry, you told me and I just freaked. All I could think of was some paedophile who raped you or something." I raised an eyebrow and he nodded, "Yeah, I know. It's the age gap. I forget you're an adult sometimes."

"I know." The last time I went out to a bar with Emmett, some guy tried to chat me up, he was pretty cute as well, plus I wasn't with Mike anymore and was in need of some serious sexin'. Emmett however felt the need to cause a scene, pulling me away from Cute Guy and yelled "You're sick, do you know how old she is?!" Yes Emmett, he did know how old I was. _Twenty one._ Just like most of the other people in there.

"_Such_ a nice house." Rosalie muttered to herself, placing Seth down on the floor as she admired the large chandelier. Seth walked over to Olivia and stood staring at her for a second before she bent down to his height and said something to him about her dog. I was only partly paying attention to their exchange as my focus was mainly on the one between myself and my brother.

"Have you told dad?"

"...Nope."

"Are you going to?"

"Yeah..."

"You should."

"I know."

"Are you going to be ok?"

"I think so."

"You've got me and Rosie, always."

"I know... thanks."

"It's 'cause we love you."

"I love you, too."

"Good. I'm sorry for being shitty."

"I'm sorry for not telling you earlier."

"Shit happens."

"Yeah." He smiled. I smiled. End. He was a man of few words.

Alice breezed through from the kitchen on the phone to someone, as she came close to the six people standing in the foyer, she stopped and looked everyone over with narrow eyes putting her phone just aside from her ear, closer to her cheek. "Hm, plaid shirt, nice necklace, leggings, sandals... grey leather, drawstring bag, Chanel, your wardrobe, bottom right."

"Huh?" She was about to start talking on the phone again when she saw the look of confusion on my face. Was she even talking to me? She must have been because she just picked out everything I was wearing. "I don't have a Chanel bag." I think I'd know if I did.

She sighed loudly, "Some people, oh my god." She breathed into the phone before holding it aside again, "Well maybe if you stopped doing whatever it is you don't do and actually _looked_ in your wardrobe, you would see that not only do your clothes reside there but also a collection of things I so kindly put in there for you. For instance, those leggings."

I looked down at my leggings, "But these are my leggings...?"

"Well, yes, I know they are. But not the ones _you_ bought. Check the label, sweetie. Anyway, bag, go get."

"But Alice, I-"

"Oh _you're _Alice? As in Jaspers Alice?" Rose said, taking her gaze away from... well I'm not sure what one particular thing she was looking at, just everything.

Alice looked at her like a deer in the headlight before saying she'd call back whoever she was talking to and slipped her Blackberry back into her bag, a small smile creeping up on her face, "Jasper's Alice?" she said again, the creepy smile getting wider, "Why yes... I guess I am... did he say that?"

"Well no, but whenever he's round he won't shut up about you. You seem to match the description, looks wise anyway, you seem to fit Bella's description of your character better." Rose laughed quietly to herself. My description was probably completely different to Jaspers. No, definitely different. He saw something totally different. I saw a dragon, he saw some kind of fairy princess.

Alice looked at me with narrow eyes. Eyes that said she was going to eat me, so I thought I'd try and save myself, "Uh, actually, this is _my_ and everyone else's Alice. Jasper's Alice really is how he describes her."

"Yeah, thanks Bella." She said through her teeth, her face eventually softening as she thought about it and then turned back to Rose. "So you must be Rosalie. You look like him."

Rosalie nodded, looking off distantly, "We always have looked alike..." her eyes caught on something else, "And I looked for that painting for ages! I lost it at an auction..."

"Well that'll be because I outbid you." Alice's smile turned cheeky and somewhat sinister.

"Damn," Rose laughed, "You have good taste. I like you. Plus my brother basically loves you and Bella likes you, in a very weird indirect way." She held out her hand which Alice took at shook delicately, "Rosalie Swan, this is my husband Emmett and one of my sons, Seth. The twins are at their friends house just down the block, so we thought we'd stop by."

"Alice Greene, Edward's PA, best friend, confidante etc, etc, and... Jasper's Alice." She may have giggled out the last part, she had the goofiest look on her face it totally outdid any of my goofy faces, it was weird. Still looking goofy she went about introducing everyone else, "Edward's daughter, Olivia, Meg, the dog, and I think you know Bella." I waved sarcastically at her, "Who is just about to go up and get her bag so we can go."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm going." I mumbled, as I went about climbing the stairs. _Again_.

"Where're you going?" Rosalie asked Alice.

"Shopping. Feel free to join, the more the merrier I'm sure." What? No! Not the more the merrier. Who is going to be merry when I commit suicide?

Rose looked at Emmett and pouted her lips in thought, "We needed to get some stuff for Seth anyway. We may as well just go." He said.

"Ok, we're coming." Rose decided, and I began thinking if anyone would mind if I got to the top of the stairs and threw myself down. Probably not. As I slowly made my way back up, I noticed a pair of feet coming towards me in the opposite direction. It wasn't until I looked up that I got a face full of Edwards chest. Not that I was complaining, he smelt _so_ good.

Instead of moving out of his way, I wrapped my arms around his middle and stood standing with my face in his shirt happy to breathe in as much of me as possible, "We could go." I mumbled into the fragrant material, "Or we could not go and make cakes here and just order stuff online." I squeezed him a little more, "I quite like the online idea."

"We can all go out for lunch after." I heard Emmett say, followed by sounds of agreement.

"Ok, I really, really like the online idea. Shopping online means no lunch with my brother. Please. Please?" Sigh. I was fighting a losing battle. Of course, this wouldn't be happening if I were a unicorn.

God dammit.

**EPOV**

I'm pretty sure we were supposed to have 'our talk' last night. The one where I tell her I adore her and she says she quite likes us as friends. Or maybe friends with benefits; not quite what I wanted. But I was ok with that. Well, I thought I was ok with it until I looked at her walking beside me, holding onto Olivia's hand for dear life as Alice and Rosalie yapped on about things she needed now, things she needed later, things she'd never need but it was nice just to have them anyway, 'just in case'.

Somewhere between then and watching her decide whether she needed the pack of sixty pads or if she was only leaking enough for thirty, her brother conveniently disappeared around this time, I realised I really wasn't ok with that. Because even if we were 'just friends', once the baby was born, I'd see her _all the time_. I do now. And it would just be a constant downer, a reminder of something I want but I can't have.

But then again, she kissed me last night. She did, not me, I just responded. She said she wasn't sorry. She didn't cry after. She did, however, fall asleep so I didn't get to say what I wanted to say. Maybe I should have let her do her online idea just so I could lock her in my room and we could talk until we were sick of each other. Except I would never be sick of her. Fucking hell I sound so corny, it's even worse when it's true.

"Kate?" Bella said randomly. I snapped out of my thoughts to look down at her as we strolled along behind Olivia who was now holding Bella's nephew's hand, and the two women ahead who seemed to be getting into this baby buying more than either Bella or I. But then again, the bill wasn't being put on either of _their_ cards.

"Huh?"

"I'm bored and our child needs a name. Since you think it's going to be a girl and I know it's not, you can choose boys names, I'll choose girls, it's like compensation. A name game. And I say Kate... actually I want to retract Kate." She thought for a second, "No Kate doesn't work, ignore. Your turn."

"Um. Adrian?"

"Mm." She twisted her mouth to the side, "I don't hate, I don't love. Maybe as a middle name? That can go in the 'maybe's'. Violet?"

"I really like that name." I smiled, "It's pretty. I don't think I know anyone called Violet either. That can definitely go in the 'yes' pile."

"Yay!" she laughed, "I have one in the 'yes' pile. Lacking already Edward, lacking already. Ok, hit me with some good'n's." So I did. Well I thought I did, Bella seemed to disagree and it became apparent all my names were in the 'maybe' pile, which I think was just Bella being polite and not wanting to say no. She just wouldn't say no, it was yes, maybe, never no.

We continued playing while we went around the shops, only stopping when we saw something or Bella needed to write the names down.

"Xavier?"

"Reminds me of Star Trek. I think it's because of Patrick Stewart, he's in that and he's Professor Xavier in X-men. I don't want my son to remind me of space freaks and mutants. That can go in the 'maybe' pile." She began scribbling it down in her little note pad.

I started laughing, louder than I anticipated. Everyone in the little boutique-like place turned round to look at me, Bella frowned and looked up, "What?"

"It reminds you of space freaks and mutants but you're putting it in the 'maybe' pile? Bella, you can say no if you don't like it, I won't be offended, seriously. I'm just happy our _daughter_ will have a relatively nice name from the assortment we have, as opposed to the rather disastrous male counterparts chosen by myself. I think it's safe to say this name game is not my forte."

"But I don't _dislike_ it... that much..." I raised my eyebrows at her, "Ok, fine, no." She put a line through the name on her paper and held it up for me, "Are you happy now?"

"Well not really, none of your names are in the 'no' pile." I nudged her side and she smiled, linking one of her arms through mine, carrying on as she was.

"That's because I chose all the good names; it's a shame we're _not_ having a girl. Now, Ruby?"

"Dammit." I grumbled.

"I'll take that as a 'yes' then." She smiled smugly as she wrote it down.

---

The next hour wasn't as painful as the first. Emmett kept on asking me questions about myself, my criminal record, whether I had any bad habits and so on. When we discovered that, personal record wise, I was the most boring person ever, he let me be. He actually seemed like an intelligent man once you got past the muscles and the protective older brother exterior. He had good morals, very family-orientated and I liked that. Not only that but he had a good sense of humour, although like Bella it was sometimes sarcastic, he was a funny man all the same and I hoped to be seeing more of him.

There was no doubt things were a little awkward between us. I was the random guy who had slept with his baby sister and got her pregnant when she didn't know me prior to that evening and would maybe have never seen me again had we not been irresponsible. I think I'd feel a bit weird if that happened to my younger sister... if I had one. Poor Emmett, from what Bella had said, it sounded as if he didn't like to dwell on the fact she may or may not have had sex, that she was old enough to, or anything that put his sister and an erect penis within ten feet of each other.

And she's pregnant now so apparently she crossed the ten foot boundary. She must have thought she'd be safe at nine feet; boy was she wrong.

Olivia was starting to get fidgety, Seth was almost near tears, Emmett and I were quietly losing the will to live and Bella was slowing down and in need of food. Carrying a thousand and one bags from the various shops we'd stopped at, we decided it was lunch time. Well, Alice decided it was lunch time after much complaining from the group- myself included.

"I'm stealing you." I whispered to Bella. She looked pretty darn cute as she looked up at me, removing her Ray Ban sunglasses and pushing them up into her hair, her eyelashes gently grazing the skin at the very top of her lids.

"Stealing me where?" She asked, rolling her sleeves up, "I really need to sit down, so please don't make me go far. I'll be a shitty hostage, you'll have to carry me and that will be no fun. _Believe me_. And I don't mean to nag, but can you make sure there's food there too? And nice toilets. I need both in my life." She began fanning herself with her hand, "And air con."

"God. I'm not going to steal you again, you _are_ a shitty hostage."

She smiled and pouted, "Sorry. Don't try and steal a pregnant person next time."

After making up an excuse for not having lunch with everyone else, we ended up saying Bella had seen something she really wanted in a passing shop so I thought I'd get it for her and then we'd find something to eat around there, every other excuse seemed shitty or rude or both. To be honest, I think our little shopping group had got to the point where they just wanted to eat and couldn't care less who was and wasn't there.

Food does this to people; it turns them into savage animals.

I tried to take chocolate away from Alice once when she was crying about something; female issues and sad movies don't go well together. I didn't mean to seem insensitive but I didn't get why she was crying, it made no sense, the movie was shit. Apparently making comments such as these whilst trying to swipe a piece of chocolate is not a good thing. I'm lucky I still have a face.

We walked. We didn't talk, we just walked. Occasionally Bella looked up at me and smiled, other times she looked up, obviously not meaning for me to look back at her. She peeked up, I glanced down, she immediately looked away, a little bit of blush appearing, lovely as ever on the tops of her cheek.

She turned to me as she walked and then turned back, seemingly scrapping whatever it was she was planning on saying. So maybe I should say something first, to kill this weird atmosphere we seemed to have created. Despite the heat and the mass of people walking around us.

I turned to her and opened my mouth but nothing came out, so turned back and pretended nothing happened and I hadn't tried. But I think she noticed. After another five minutes of awkward silences and I literally couldn't take it anymore.

"Bella." I said at the exact same time she said "Edward."

"You can go first." I laughed nervously, as did she.

"Uh... ok. Um." She breathed deeply and then waved her hand in a fanning motion around her face, "Wow," she laugh-sighed, "It's really hot today... why did I put leggings on... ok. Can we just," She put both her hands on the sides of my arms as we came to a halt, "stop. Can we just stop for a second. Just... look at me." She blew a piece of hair out of her face as I looked at her. I don't know why she wanted me to but I did anyway.

She looked so gorgeous, all the time. It was literally one of those moments where you stand back and just think, _fuck_. I mean really, holy fuck. I got up in the morning to go to work, she was always up wondering around in her pyjama's, her tank top riding up and leaving a line of her stomach exposed. She'd wave as I shut the door and I'd stop for a second on the other side just to lean against the wood and think, _fuck_.

And when she was covered in glitter alongside Olivia, both looking like they'd just been caught. And when she was angry. Even when she cried. And holy crap, when she was sleeping... I wouldn't tell her because it's weird and it made me feel like some kind of creep who lurks in the shadows. But she slept like something beautiful, all the clichés in the world wouldn't be able to describe what she looked like. But it was like. Well, something amazing. Something _stunning_.

"We didn't talk. Last night. I'm sorry, I'm like a baby when I hit a pillow. So I'm just going to give you everything I've got now. Three things; one, I need to go home to Forks for a couple of days or something, I'm not sure, I just have to see my dad. I have to tell him. I don't know if I want you to come though... I think I do, but I think there's some stuff I have to do on my own. Two..."

Her small hands moved up my arms to my shoulders as she gazed up at me, her eyes almost pleading with mine, "I..." I watched her eyes; deep, dark and alive as they searched mine continuously. "I can't not say it anymore but..." she squinted her eyes slightly as she looked at me, "But I don't know the words I'm supposed to say. To you. I don't know what you want to hear me say exactly."

Her hand moved to my face and I swallowed heavily as she brushed a thumb down my face. Despite the heat, her hand was soft and cool, a welcomed sensation to my heated skin, "I just know how I feel, and I feel like... like I want to be near you. All the time. And I know our situation is odd but I think... we work, somehow. We just do. And I want to take the time to know you, Edward. All the good bits and the bad bits, everything. And I want to be able to tell you the same things about me."

She looked around for a second and then looked back at me smiling, "And I don't know why I'm saying this in the middle of the sidewalk but it's been killing me all day. So here goes." She took a deep breath, I remained silent while my heart began palpitating violently within my chest waiting for her. Crossing my internal fingers and hoping to anyone who there is to believe in that she was going to say what I hoped she'd say.

This time she brought her other hand to my face, it was a good thing she wasn't small otherwise she'd be on her tiptoes, "I've never... been in love. I don't know what it's like to have that one person I can say _I love_. I don't know what it's like to wake up and think, I love this person. But hopefully one day, I'll get there. My point is... I can't say I 'like you' because, I don't know, it feels more than that, but I don't know what 'more than that' is exactly . I don't think it's love, but..."

A finger traced down my cheek bone and she ran her thumb over my bottom lip, watching her own movements before looking back up at me under her eyelashes, "I think." She breathed, "I think... I think I'm falling for you."

We stared at each other, my mind slowly taking in her words but I couldn't process them properly. I was completely brain dead to everything but her, yet her words weren't registering. There was definitely no oxygen passing through my body, I felt so hollow and full all at the same time. I didn't know what to say back to her. A 'good' or a 'me too' just didn't seem good enough to surpass. So I did what I'd done before when I couldn't find the right words to say back.

I kissed her, with all of everything I had. I couldn't give a fuck if we were standing in the middle of the sidewalk or the middle of her bedroom. My lips crushed against hers urgently yet softly, they brushed softly instead of violently despite the force put into it. Her hands moved up my face into my hair and she held it as she breathed heavily between kisses, my hand cupped around the back of her neck, the other supporting her stance, her bump pressed against me.

I smiled against her lips as I pulled back a little to look at her flushed face, she was still grinning back at me though, "What was your number three?" I asked her, placing another long kiss delicately to her lips.

"I don't know." She said as we broke away, only to have another. "I thought..." Kiss. "Maybe," Kiss. "If you didn't like the first bit." Kiss. "Then I could make up some shitty apology for number two." Kiss. "Or I could do a dance."

I laughed, "No. Number two was all I wanted to hear. Actually, wait, I have a number three. Theo. Theodore, Theo." She thought for a second, her arms around the back of my neck as she hung back ever so slightly.

Then she looked back at me and smiled, "Yes." Yes? I got a motherfucking yes?

"Really, I get a yes?"

She giggled and nodded, "Yeah, I really, really like that name. You can have a 'yes'."

I kissed her again, "Ok, that was all I wanted." I smiled.

**Aaand review. Right about now. Yeah that would be good.**

**I have a poll on my profile for the sex of the baby/ies so you should go and vote if you have any preference. I will most probably be going with whatever wins the poll so go and vote. D'aw, aren't things just nice and dandy between E and B now. It's a shame really, because if you know me, you'll know I can't stand 'happily ever after' moments for too long. I like angst, even just small, small doses. I'm just sayin'...**

**If anyone was wondering, there will be more Emmett, and more Jasper and Alice, and more of a lot of other people too. Also, I got bored and I have a link on my profile to what Bella's wearing. Yeah. Anyway, poll, review, I hope you liked it. Review. **

**You know you love me, XOXO  
**


	20. Rootless Tree

**Sorry I only replied to a few reviews, but they were all appreciated. Seriously, some people's reviews crack me up a treat, you don't even know. Haha. Thank you all so much for voting on that poll. I was thinking, considering the amount of unique voters on it, I was thinking, more of these quiet readers should make themselves known, cough, review, uncough. I'm just sayin'... So, the results of the poll are in this chapter, kind of, and let me say it was SO close. Literally, only a couple votes between them, and wow so many more of you voted than I thought would. I have to big up Julia here, because this chapter and the next two (?) are mainly all her. I'm just writing it. So, good stuff!  
**

**It's Halloween, so here I am, installing a healthy (or unhealthy) dose of fear into your fanfic reading lives. Just of a different sort...  
**

**Song: Rootless Tree- **Damien Rice

**EPOV**

I sighed loudly as I dumped myself back down in my office chair. Sometimes I really hated being at work but I had to be here today. I really had to be here any day I could because the smell of competition was thick in the air as a promotion was left out to cool on the table. _Finally_. I'd been wanting this promotion for god knows how long and I worked like a motherfucker just to get myself in the running and years after working for this company, I finally was. Except I wasn't the only one, and that sucked balls. Quite literally...

Everyone knew I had been winning this race, I was winning before it even started, I had been confident, ready, excited. Now I was pissed off, because no matter how small, competition means there's a chance of losing, regardless of how far ahead I was or wasn't. It's even worse when the competition is a bitch. It's a million times worse when they're female. It's a billion times worse when it's been rumoured that that same female has been having an affair with the head of the company for a few months now.

Like I said, it _sucked balls._

"Here." Alice placed some papers and folders down on my desk as well as a white plastic bag. I took the papers and flicked through them before eyeing the bag.

"What's that?" I asked.

"It's a bag, Edward." Yeah? No shit. "There's a tub of ice-cream in it and chocolate and that cherry pie you like. Oh and I went to see Bella, she said she's perfectly fine working again, and she put a bag of candy in there for you." I raised an eyebrow at her questioningly as I scanned the folders I'd been given.

"Thanks. But why?" Alice sighed and gestured to the glass wall that separated my office from everyone else. Standing there, twisting her long hair flirtatiously around her finger and laughing overly enthusiastically, was my competition. With the head of the company no less. He was here for the meeting we just had, it was sort of a big thing, him being the top dog and all of us his minions. We basically just went over how things are doing, where we plan on going, how we're going to get there. Usual stuff. And then we touched on the promotion as well.

The promotion that was just being flirted away, right in front of my face. Damn her and her hair, and her face, and her tits, and her goddamn vagina.

By the time Alice turned back to me, I'd already taken out the spoon from the bag and was trying to prise the ice-cream tub open, "That could've been me, you know. If I swung that way." I moped, putting a large spoonful into my mouth, "I have charisma _and _charm. And I've been working here longer than her. And I'm male, I don't get hysterical around that time of the month. I'm reliable. I work so fucking hard dammit." Alice gave me an apologetic look.

I looked down at the tub of ice-cream I was eating and frowned, "What kind of comfort food doesn't have cookie dough in it? I'm not feeling comforted."

"They were out. Some woman took the last one just as I got there. Not that she deserved it, the silly cow was wearing socks with sandals. And not in the I'm-cool-and-quirky-and-my-name's-Alexa-Chung way. In the I'm-forty-plus-and-haven't-been-kissed way." She shivered, "See how I go out on a whim for you? What was I even doing in the same shop as people like that? You, Edward, for _you_."

"Well, thank you... A woman you say?" I stuffed another spoonful in my mouth and slouched down in the chair, "Women take over my life. You can all be so... so... so mean. Bella's going to have a girl." I spoke through the ice-cream, waving my spoon around slightly, "There's going to be another one."

"Edward, get a grip, you don't know that yet anyway. Seriously." Alice groaned, rolling her eyes.

"Man-the-fuck-up or I _will_ slap you, I _will_. Bella is less emotional than you are right now, and her hormones are all over the place. Get your work done. I need that proposal for Aro as soon as possible. He's really been on my ass about you recently and I don't want him to be. He's a creep with cheap cologne, it makes me nauseous." Alice complained, checking her watch before putting her blackberry on top of the pile of things she was holding and pressing buttons on it.

"You tell me to man up whilst giving me comfort foods?" She ignored me and continued.

"Oh and Olivia's dentist appointment is at three, don't forget. Well, you won't forget because I'll remind you again. Um, yeah, that's all." She waved me off as she strutted out and I was once again alone and sad, now with ice-cream and pie and candy. No, I wasn't sad, I was really fucking pissed off.

Putting the tub aside, I moved the cursor on my computer so the screen turned on again, revealing the page I had put up prior to the meeting. I was booking tickets for Bella to go to Forks the following week. Olivia and I weren't going down to LA to see her mother anymore. Oh no, since yesterday, Tanya had decided she was going to be coming to New York for a week, to 'save me the bother'. So very selfless of her.

This of course was just stressing me out. Fair enough, New York is a big city, but the only area's Tanya is actually interested in are the parts in and around _my_ end of town, and around my end of town, for the time being anyway, is Bella. Tanya was very aware of Bella being in the house; conversations she had with Olivia gave that one away. I was just stressing because when she doesn't like someone, she _really_ doesn't like them.

She doesn't like Bella.

It wouldn't take a genius to figure that one out. I didn't need her to tell me, we were married, that side of her has not changed. She wanted first and foremost to come to New York, not because it would be easier for either Olivia or me, not because she wanted to see her friends or visit her favourite shops and restaurants , she wanted primarily to eye-up her 'competition'. And then probably try and break her down.

And that was just not happening anytime soon. If Tanya was in New York, there would be no doubt that Bella would see her at least once or twice. If she didn't see her when she was in the house, she would probably 'bump into her' at work, or in the street, or _something_. I wouldn't be surprised if Tanya thought to use Olivia as a human tracking device.

I'm 105% sure stress and pregnancy doesn't sit well together, at all. And all this thought of stress was really stressing me out. As if I wasn't stressed already. So to save Bella from high blood pressure and me from premature heart failure, I was giving her tickets to visit her dad during the time Tanya was in town. That was my plan anyway.

I clicked to book them, finished some things I'd been putting off for a while and then sat back in my chair once again and hung my head, taking a moment to close my eyes and pretend I was somewhere else. That for a second, I wasn't me. I was just at peace...

Until my phone buzzed. I opened my eyes staring angrily at the ceiling before reaching over and picking it up to see a message from Bella. My face relaxed into a small smile as I saw her name on the screen:

_I was sick again so I've been sent home, I didn't even make it through half a day :( I thought I lost my phone and then found it in the fridge. And I cried because it was cold. So I'm really sad and bored. I hope you're ok, Alice said you were stressed :(? Did you get my candy? B x_

I sighed and went about replying to her:

_Again? Maybe you shouldn't be back at work yet... Alice said you were fine when she saw you? I'm ok, yes, very stressed, I'll tell you about it when I get back. Have you slept? And have you drunk enough water? And are you still taking that medication? Is Olivia not there to keep you company? I think maybe you're going a little crazy with the phone in the fridge thing... and yes, thank you for the candy :) XX_

I sent it and waited for her reply. It took another fifteen minutes before she did:

_:) And yes, I've done everything I'm supposed to, but I don't think this medication is working anymore :( I feel like shit. And I was fine when I saw Alice but then I started feeling really bad afterwards :(:( I don't want to be near Olivia if I'm just going to be sick. Meg's looking after me though... keeping things inside my stomach is proving to be a challenge... ugh. B x _

_P.S. I am going crazy xx_

I knew she shouldn't have gone back to work today. She'd been rather peaky for the past few days, but she said she was fine. Obviously when she stopped mid-make out, we could do that now albeit secretly, looking rather queasy and then nearly falling off her bed trying to get to the bathroom, it became apparent she wasn't ok. But since she hadn't fainted and she had a scan tomorrow anyway, we hadn't been to the doctors again... I looked down at my phone:

_Just wondering, what was with the time delay just then? You should lie down and sleep or watch a movie or something. And make sure you're getting fluids. I'm sorry I can't do anything to help or I would :( Just rest and I'll see you soon, I have to take Olivia to the dentist... she hates the dentist. Fun. XX_

She replied back quickly this time like she usually did:

_I felt really light headed, and then I threw up... ha. Ok, I'm going to go and die now, I'll see you later, dead or alive. B xxx_

Under my desk I had a few drawers, in each draw amongst other things I had things that were supposed to relieve stress. To be honest none of them ever did, but I get too fucking anxious about things so I pulled out a stress ball and started squeezing it. I remember a therapist I used to have when I was a kid would tell me to imagine myself squeezing all of my problems into the ball. So I tried doing that.

Every now and again I would constrict my hand around the indigo ball, squeezing it so hard my knuckles began to change colour before I relaxed and breathed out deeply.

So many things were weighing down on me. I felt more like the ball being squeezed than the person squeezing it. But I could deal with stress. Stress I _had_ to deal with. But now I wasn't just stressed I was still a little pissed off and I was scared. I hate things being out of my control; if I am out of control I am effectively useless. I hate the thought of being useless when it comes to Bella, but I'm not a doctor. I'd need to call my dad and ask him what she could do for her sickness, it was only starting to get bad again now so hopefully we could stop it before she ended up back in the hospital.

I squeezed a little tighter on the ball and sighed, placing it gently down on my desk as my phone started ringing.

'Mom' came up on the screen so I reached over to answer it. She didn't call me at this time of the day unless something had happened but I decided today couldn't really get a lot shittier.

"Hey, Mom." I smiled to myself in an effort to sound more cheerful.

I was wrong; my day could get a hell more shittier. Oh and it did.

**BPOV**

I really needed to tell Edward he had the comfiest sofa's I had ever slept on, ever, in my life. It kind of, but not really, made the whole 'feeling like shit' thing not so bad. I don't know what shit actually feels like but I imagine it's warm and gross. I feel warm and gross. Edward text me telling me to suck on some ice cubes since apparently my stomach had become the most uncool place to be, so food and drink really didn't hang around.

To be honest, I just didn't want to get dehydrated again and end up in hospital because I just do not like hospitals. They're too clean and creepy. So I lay on the sofa, sucking my ice cubes with a wet rag on my forehead, my duvet, a thousand pillows and some 'calming' music Meg put on. It sounded like the stuff I used to do yoga to, even though I did yoga for a total of two weeks, I knew this kind of music actually was pretty good.

My blood pressure was a little bit too low so I was exiled to the living room where I was actually quite content. Well as content as you can be when you feel like shit. Since there was nothing left in my stomach except for the lining, I wasn't throwing up anymore. I was just dying, but dying a happy person.

Happy because I put it out there. I told Edward how I felt about him and wow, it was definitely a good thing. I could kiss him if I wanted to without wondering if I could or not. Although saying that, Edward hadn't actually said anything back to me. I got the impression he was trying to say it through his kisses, but he didn't physically _say _it. And I wasn't entirely sure how I felt about that. I felt a little unrequited; he said it was all he wanted to hear but to be honest, that wasn't all _I _wanted to hear from _him_.

I didn't even get a 'me too'. I think I know he meant it, but he didn't say it. I wanted him to.

I didn't mean to feel doubtful already but... I couldn't help it. I've not been in a relationship for years and this _thing_ me and Edward have is so completely different to anything I've experienced, so I really don't know what it is I'm supposed to do. At the moment, I just want to have sex with him because we haven't properly really, and the last time didn't really count. I would like this to count.

There's only so much of a hand or a toy I can stand; it's not the real thing now is it. 'The closest thing to man' my ass. The closest thing to man _is _a man. I have one now...ish, so, you know, it was only a matter of time. I hoped at least. I couldn't have him touch me when I felt vile or kept throwing up or I was too tired or something. There was always something.

But maybe I was getting a bit too caught up here; I wanted to have sex, I didn't want to have sex. It kind of felt like it should be a big thing, us _doing it_. No, it wasn't the first time, it wasn't like either of us were virgins or some freaky shit like that, but, to me anyway, I felt like I needed the right time. Which was really fucking lame, I didn't need the 'right time' when I lost my virginity, honestly I didn't give a shit, sex is sex right?

Yet now it felt like some big ass thing. No pun intended. Plus, was I even ok to have sex while pregnant? Were there things I wasn't supposed to do? Fuck that; Edward and I weren't having sex until we were _ready_ and I'd consulted Google.

Until then, I had Edward to hug and kiss to my heart's content... once Olivia had gone to bed. At some point, preferably _before_ the baby was born we could out ourselves. To our friends we could do sooner than Olivia, but for the time being it all seemed like a bit much to throw at her.

First of all there was me, then me with a baby, then me with a baby produced by her father, then me with a baby produced by her father temporarily living in her house. For now at least, anything else seemed like too much. I absolutely adored her and I didn't want to ruin that. Maybe with a slow build up it would be ok. But maybe Edward and I should make sure we know where each other stand before anyone else.

I could hear loud talking from outside the room and decided it must have been Edward returning with Olivia from the dentist. I was sleeping when he came home to get her but I knew she was really scared of going so, before I fell asleep, I gave her a pep talk and told her not to worry about it because her teeth were fine. I may or may not have said something crude about dentists with their hands inside people's mouths but I can't remember, to be honest I may well have told her about my desire to be a magic horse with a horn, I was pretty out of it. Thank you medication. All I know for sure is my intentions were good.

After listening for a while longer, I could distinctly hear Edwards voice and what sounded like quiet sniffling. It was totally killing my mojo. I sat up on the sofa, a bit too quickly, making all the blood rush to my head and me feeling instantly queasy. When it passed, I stood putting one hand to the side of my stomach and the other out to regain my balance. It was irritating how I'd been standing for a total of one whole second, and already I felt like I was fighting an internal battle with my body to stay alive. My head, I swear, had some sort of vendetta against me. It hurt like a bitch.

I shuffled over to the door and opened it to see it was both Edward and Olivia in the entrance hall, except Olivia was crying and Edward looked pissed off. A different pissed off to the pissed off I'd seen him before. He just seemed full-on angry. And I'd never seen Olivia cry before and now she was, it made me a little sad. I couldn't think of anything she could have possibly done to make him look as angry as he did. The whole scene was just the weirdest thing; I had to wonder if I was still dreaming.

They both stopped and looked up as I stood in the doorway, Olivia almost immediately rushing over to me, wrapping her small arms around as much of my middle as she could, nuzzling her head into my side and continuing to cry quietly. I ran a hand through her loose hair as I looked up at Edward questioningly.

"What happened?" I asked, as the little girl clung to the bottom of my t-shirt. I could feel the cold of her tears on my skin underneath. Edward combed his hand through his hair irritably and sighed, his jaw slightly tensed.

"She wouldn't get out of the car. We were late." He said monotonously, looking at me with a weird expression he'd never looked at me with before.

I looked down at Olivia and then back at him, continually stroking her hair in an attempt at comforting her, "So... what?"

"So, she wouldn't get out of the car. We had to wait for a later time." He repeated.

"So what did you do? Did you just shout at her?" He didn't say anything but his jaw locked as he looked straight at me, "Oh my god, you actually did?" I said raising my eyebrows, honestly astounded because Edward just didn't do that. Especially not to his daughter, no matter how much she was pissing him off. Or maybe he did and I just hadn't seen that side yet.

I frowned causing a sharp pain to run through my head as I tilted my head to look at him, "Edward, she doesn't like the dentist. You know she doesn't. What was screaming at her going to do exactly except for upset her?"

"Well. Like I said, we were late in the end anyway, so it doesn't matter."

I was starting to get annoyed now. Something was clearly up with him. Maybe it was something I'd done. Maybe not. I don't know, either way, he was being so off and pretty irrational. Apparently he was having a day where Olivia not getting out of the car was going to set him off on a rampage throughout the city. "Well, obviously it does matter because you're not at the dentist anymore and she's still crying. I know you said you've had a stressful day but-"

"Bella, don't irritate me." He grumbled, totally discarding what I was saying. I don't know why but when he said that, something in me just snapped.

"I'm sorry?" I said, shaking my head and feigning amusement but then my expression turned sour, "Edward. Do not. Irritate. Me." I said seriously, hugging Olivia to my side with one arm, "So, you're saying you cared more for being on time than the fact your daughter was scared of the dentist? That doesn't sound like you." I continued, my mother bear instincts starting to kick in.

"She was being childish."

"Edward, she's _a child_. The last time I checked, children tend to be pretty childish." The more I looked at him, the more I looked at her, the more my pissed off I got. It really didn't take that much to set me off, especially not when it was something so ridiculous and Edward was being so... rude.

"This hasn't got anything to do with you, Bella." He almost growled at me, "I didn't care more for the time than I did for her."

"Well, you shouted at her for no reason and then complained you were late." I dared him to say anything against me. He stopped for a moment and ground his teeth together, putting his house keys down on the side table, "And how dare you say it's got nothing to do with me when you come back being a complete a-hole, and I have your daughter crying into my side. I shouldn't even be up right now. So sorry if I'm getting too involved, but you are the one in the wrong here. I'm just standing up for someone who clearly doesn't have the ability to stand up for herself. So you know what you are being, Edward? A bully. And for no reason whatsoever." Oh I went there.

"Olivia, go to your room." He said calmly, looking everywhere but in our direction. She ignored him, only tightening her grip on me and hiding her face further, "Olivia." He said again, more sternly, but again she didn't move. "Olivia, go to your room!" He shouted so loudly both myself and Olivia jumped. But big voices weren't going to quieten me because now I was _really_ pissed and he was being completely unreasonable.

Olivia looked up at me, her blue eyes glistening with her tears. I smiled at her and moved a piece of hair out of her face as she loosened and eventually released her grip on me. I watched her as she went up the stairs, looking back at me every now and then until she was completely out of view. I waited until I heard the click of her bedroom door before I turned back to Edward, ready to release all hell if necessary.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I asked him as calmly as I possibly could, "Seriously? What was that? And you better have a good explanation because..." I shook my head, not sure of what else to say because I was just so confused and astounded at this whole conversation. No, not conversation, argument. We were arguing.

"Nothing is wrong with me."

"How can you stand there and say nothing is wrong? Something seems very wrong to me, Edward. You are being so mean for no reason, and I really can't... ugh, I'm getting such a bad headache..." I put my hands to my temples and started moving them in circular motions to ease the tension, closing my eyes and making a small moan of both pain and frustration.

"Why the hell are you getting so involved? It has nothing to do with you. She's my daughter and I can discipline her however I see fit."

"Ok, fair enough, yes you can, she's not my daughter, she's yours, but she didn't do anything wrong. You're just being a bully Edward, and I don't like bullies." I continued to rub my head as I felt myself becoming queasy, "I'm getting 'so involved' because this isn't you, Edward. At all. And I, unfortunately, care enough that I'll wait for you to finish your little hissy fit and tell me what's going on."

"Well you shouldn't... I'm not _bullying_ her. She was being completely ridiculous." He scowled. _I shouldn't what? Care enough or wait for him? _

I opened my eyes, narrowing them and shaking my head, "Can you hear yourself? Honestly, you sound like a dick. So either tell me what happened with _you_ today or go to your room and sulk like you're fourteen. The only one being ridiculous is you."

"Bella... Shut up. You don't know anything." He sneered at me. I stopped massaging my head, walking backwards cautiously so I could sit down before I fell down. To be honest I was getting bored of this now, I was feeling too bad to retaliate as much. I just wanted to go to bed, get up in the morning, see if he'd calmed down and then ask him again what the hell tonight was all about.

"Don't talk to me like that. And I know I don't know anything because you _never_ tell me anything. And you're still in the wrong here. First of all, you're supposed to _support_ your daughter through her fears not bully her into something she doesn't want to do. Yes, it's the dentist, she has to go, but it sounds as if all the while you were just standing around being shitty about something that has nothing to do with her. So what I don't understand is why you're taking your crappy mood out on her. Or me for that matter."

He walked forward, his eyes dark and impossibly angrier, his jaw line completely defined from the tension, "Olivia is not your responsibility and don't lecture me on parenting, Bella. Seeing as you're not one yet, you can't really say anything. _Your_ father doesn't seem too bothered about your fears, or much about you. He doesn't even know you were irresponsible enough to get yourself pregnant. And as far as mothers go, well, you killed yours."

I stood up slowly and looked Edward right in the eye. He looked just as fierce as I felt until he said that. Now I was faltering, now I didn't know what to say, now I was choking on words, "Why did you say that?" My voice wavering as I felt my stomach drop, doing nothing for my nausea. Edwards face fell as the realisation of what he'd just said hit home. That was a direct attack on me, that wasn't fair, that totally crossed the line.

"Oh... shit." He hissed to himself, looking regretful and smacking his head with the palm of his hand. "Fuck. Bella-"

"Ok," I started, trying to keep my voice in check but failing miserably, "My parents..." My mouth hung open as I tried to find the words to finish my sentence, but I couldn't. Snapping it shut, I searched his eyes for the something in them I'd always been able to pinpoint, the sparkle that made him _my_ Edward. It was still there, although dim and hidden right at the very back. It wasn't usually so isolated but knowing it was still there gave me some sense of solace. He hadn't gone completely insane.

I swallowed down the distressed emotions that were trying to make their way to the surface so show Edward that if he set out to upset me, then congratulations to him, he had succeeded.

"I've seen my brother and Rose, I've seen you. I've seen how it's supposed to be done, Edward. I'm female; I've got it built into me somewhere. And no, Olivia isn't my daughter, she isn't my responsibility, but I love her enough to stop you from being a complete dick. And this," I gestured to my belly, "This _is_ my responsibility, and as part of my responsibility to _my_ baby, I have to ensure we're both healthy. At this point in time, I'm not well and you're making it worse. I can't be near you."

I brushed past him, holding onto the doorframe of the living room as I stopped and glanced back, "Don't bother coming tomorrow." I said quietly, "If you're like this, I don't want you to be there. And I'm staying somewhere else tonight because... well I don't want to be under the same roof as you right now, I can't be."

I was rather in awe of the fact I hadn't toppled over and died yet; this whole making a great escape thing wouldn't work out so well for me if I couldn't stand. Edward was making me feel worse than I did before with his loud talking and spiteful words, and I think it was my subconscious need of self-preservation that kept me going. He didn't mean the things he'd said, I know he didn't, but that didn't make them any less hurtful or me any less upset. Whether he meant it or not, he still said it.

Looking at him made me want to kick him in the balls to bring him back to reality, and the regret in his voice was coming too late, the damage was done. "Bella..." he sighed.

"I don't want to talk to you." I said as I sat down on the sofa, taking my phone and searching for the first name I could think of.

"Bella." He tried again.

"I do not want to talk to you, Edward." I said sharply, pressing call on my phone and putting a hand to shield my face on the side Edward stood. The dial tone rung three times before there was a voice at the other end.

"Hey baby mama, how's it going?" Jasper always let his phone ring three times and always called me some kind of name when he picked up. I usually smiled to myself but for obvious reasons, I wasn't in the mood.

"Are you at home?" I sighed.

"Nope, I've just got to Ali's..." Ali. Dear lord if I even thought to call Alice 'Ali' I would be walking around with a lot less hair on my head. I heard him shift and hush talking in the background, I took it to be coming from Alice, "Why? Are you ok, Bella?" he said sounding concerned.

"No." I mumbled. For some reason I felt like crying now and my bottom lip began to quiver. There was a brief pause before Jasper spoke again.

"...You can come over here if you want, shall I come and get you?"

I nodded and then realised he couldn't see me, "Please." I squeaked, a tear running down my face before I quickly brushed it away and sniffed.

"I'm leaving now. I'll be about fifteen minutes, max."

"Ok, thank you." He hung up the call and I disconnect as well, sitting up and sighing loudly as I ran a hand through my hair,

I was conscious of Edward standing watching me but I feared if I looked at him, I may be inclined to use all of my energy trying to physically harm him. Although that was seeming like an increasingly attractive idea, I knew I didn't have the energy or the willpower to actually go through with it. It would probably end with me crying like whale whilst pitifully hitting his chest over and over, probably causing more damage to me than him.

I really was that upset with him though. It didn't matter how stressed he was, he went too far and he knew he had.

After taking various pills from various bottles, none of which were really helping me anymore but I was a believer in something being better than nothing, in this case anyway, I went upstairs to throw my pyjamas, bathroom things and spare clothes into a bag. Hammy was sat on my bed as I picked up my necessities, giving me a sympathetic look. Throwing the bag over my shoulder, I picked up my cat and hugged him to me, inhaling his familiar scent. I forgot how comforting familiar things can be and I started to miss my own apartment, my own bed, my own space with my own things.

I carried him with me as I knocked and then entered Olivia's room. She was lying on her bed colouring something in a book, stopping to look up at me as I came closer to her and then put Hammy down on the bed. I gave her a little smile as I put a hand through her hair, "Are you ok, sweetie?"

"No." She grumbled, pouting her little peachy lips, "I hate daddy now."

I sat down next to her and jutted out my bottom lip, "Ah, no you don't."

"Yes I do!" she insisted, sitting up, "I really do. He was so horrible...he was even horrible to you." She crossed her arms and frowned, "I don't like him anymore."

I sighed, "Well I don't think you hate him, and I know he still loves you a lot. He's just a bit grouchy today... _very_ grouchy today. Sometimes when people get really stressed about stuff, like work, then they get bad-tempered. I'm sure he didn't mean to be horrible."

"But he _was_ horrible." He was indeed. She twisted her mouth and I noticed she was looking at my bag, "Where are you going?"

"Oh." I looked at the bag and then back at the little girl, "Um, I'm just going to stay somewhere else tonight because... well, because I'm really not feeling well so Jasper's going to take me to Alice's. She has some stuff that'll hopefully make me feel better..."

Olivia didn't say anything, instead she sat quietly playing with my cats ears. Hammy was obviously enjoying the attention, lifting himself up to nudge her hand with the top of his head whilst purring affectionately, "I know you get sick." She said quietly, "I'm sorry if daddy shouted at you because of me. I didn't mean to not want to go in to see the dentist, but I was scared. I don't want you to go but I don't want you to get more sick." She sighed, lifting and then slumping her shoulders as she did.

"Livvy, it's not your fault, I know you were scared, he knew you were too. He didn't shout because he was angry at you. I don't really know why he did, but he's just a bit funny. Stressed." I smiled apologetically, "But I don't want to get any more ill than I already am either."

She stopped stroking the cat and looked at me sadly, "Are you going forever? My mommy got ill and argued with daddy all the time, and then she went away and doesn't come back very much and I miss her sometimes. I don't want you to go forever." Another thing Edward hadn't got round to telling me; the reason why he actually divorced his wife. I'd say that's a pretty big thing. But I guess he just didn't like telling me the things that actually mattered.

I gently pulled her into my arms, resting my cheek on the top of her head, her head on my chest, "I'm not going away forever, I'm only going for tonight... I'll see you tomorrow. And anyway, I'm moving back to my apartment in a few days."

"I know..." She tilted her head back to look up at me, "But do you promise you'll come back tomorrow?"

"I promise. Besides, I wouldn't be going anywhere forever without Hammy. You have to look after him while I'm gone because he gets lonely otherwise." I missed out the bit about how I thought Edward may well be angry enough to actually cook my cat on a spit roast. If he ever did that though, I would cook him on a spit roast. That wasn't a joke. "And you." I said, cooing my cat over, "Make sure Edward isn't mean and if he is you can scratch him."

I swear I saw Hammy's eyes light up _just_ a little bit. I raised my eyebrows at him, "Hey, don't go crazy with it. Just, you know, a little reprisal. That's all. Don't claw his eyes out." I narrowed my eyes at Hammy, I could tell if he got the chance, he would totally milk the opportunity.

Olivia giggled, probably thinking I was just joking around but I was seriously talking to my cat, I knew what he was like. He put his two front paws on my knee and nudged my hand with his head. He always knew when I was upset, he just did, whether I told him or not. So it didn't matter if I made bitchy comments to him or ignored him completely, he'd always come over and brush up against either my hand or my cheek; it depended which he was nearest to.

I heard Jasper calling my name from downstairs and I looked to the partially open door before I gave Olivia a small squeeze and then stood up, "You two have to look out for each other, ok. I mean, you'll be fine, but, yeah." I kissed them both on the head before noticing Olivia was pouting again.

"Tomorrow is like forever, you know. It's not even bedtime yet." She complained. She was right, it was only half past five, all these problems had only arisen in the past half hour

"Well tomorrow _isn't_ forever, it's tomorrow." I smiled as I made my way to the door, pulling a sad face as I waved to her and she half heartedly waved back.

---

As I made my way out of Sweet Tooth having shown Angela where to put the new stock, I wondered if maybe I was just meant to be alone. I had been for the past four years and I didn't hate my life then. I had my family still there in the background, I had work, I had my cat, I had my wine and my cigarettes. I missed my wine and my cigarettes. Luckily, or unluckily, cigarette smoke became one of those things that made me sick, so managing to give up turned out to be quite easy. The cravings still came up every now and then but I couldn't actually go through with smoking one.

Either way, I had been completely content with loneliness and nothing had really come up for me to think otherwise. Until now. Now, whether I liked it or not, I wouldn't be lonely for at least another eighteen years. Eighteen whole years. That's quite a long time. Albeit, during those eighteen years I'd still have my cat -touch wood- my work, my family, my wine and my cigarettes, but it wouldn't be the same. Things would change, I might change jobs, I might quit smoking for good, my cat might die, I might decide I don't like wine that much. And then I'd have a baby as well, then a toddler, then a child and then a miserable teenager.

And there would always be Edward. Whether we were together or not, he'd always be in my life. And Olivia. Birthdays, Christmas, Thanksgiving, just in the street. I'd rather liked my solitude and I was beginning to think I should enjoy it while I still could.

So maybe I wasn't ready to be anything with Edward yet. After yesterday, a large part of me was against the idea of even seeing him later on today, of even seeing him _ever _again. I'm not even sure he knew just how much he upset me. But the rational side of me knew yesterday wasn't really Edward at all. Or at least I was trying my hardest to convince myself it wasn't. But Edward wasn't walking with me now, he wasn't going to be meeting me at the clinic I was going to now to find out if our baby was a girl or a boy, so that just goes to show how well that 'convincing' was working for me...

I didn't hate _him_, I just hated how he acted and what he'd said. I really couldn't get over what he said to me. Everything else, fine, he had a bad day, whatever. That last bit though... of all the things he could have said, he chose the worst one. The _worst_.

Hate is a strong word, but I really didn't like him at this point in time.

Alice said she saw him on the phone and thought it was something to do with work but then he was a complete ass to her for the rest of the day. Obviously Alice wasn't about to let him get away with it and since he wouldn't tell her what his problem was, he just continued being sour. Jasper said he didn't have a clue either.

I felt so bad for the both of them last night; for one, I so obviously was intruding on their quiet evening in, and two, I played the ill whale quite nicely. I would have got things myself but I'd never been to Alice's apartment before so I didn't know where anything was. And then even after I told them to leave me alone and go be together and gush about each other's good qualities or whatever shit they spent their time doing, they decided –and by 'they' I mean Jasper with Alice following- to bring me ginger biscuits, ginger tea, ginger snaps, lots of ice and pillows.

It was sweet, but then I just made everything crappy again by getting all emotional about it and started crying. And _then_ I threw up the ginger biscuits that Jasper had just gone out to get especially, which just meant the two had to endure another fifteen minutes of crying. Alice said Edward was going to have hell to pay when she got to work.

I sighed and pushed the sunglasses I had on my head down onto my face. I'd thrown up so much after the ginger biscuits I was amazed I didn't have sick coming out of my eyes. It was so vile. I didn't even want to be out of bed. I wanted to be curled up in a ball _inside_ with a cold cloth, Bon Iver playing on my iPod, and a toilet nearby. The only reason I'd dragged myself up was because of my appointment, because this was _the_ appointment. Plus I needed new meds.

As I stuck my hand out to haul a cab, I noticed someone waving on the other side of the street. I ignored them, trying to catch the attention of a passing taxi, but the person started crossing the road, still waving. I lifted my sunglasses as they approached, squinting until I could make out the woman making her way over, still waving at me. How did I know she was waving at me? Well the wave was accompanied by her squealing my name.

"Bella!" She called again, as she tottered over in her ridiculous heels, "Phew!" She adjusted her white shirt so you could clearly see her cleavage, just not _too_ much of it. "I thought you didn't see me there."

She smiled widely, her perfectly straight and pearly white teeth almost reflecting the sun's rays into my eyes and blinding me. It was Bea and sauntering behind her Camille. I felt so shitty I couldn't even be bothered to take into account Camille hated me and I was completely intimidated by her.

"How are you? I heard you were in hospital for a few days and you hurt your ankle. I hope you're alright now." How did she hear that? It made me cringe at the thought of how much these women knew about me, things seemed to get around quickly with them.

"Um. I'm not great at the moment actually." Bea looked genuinely concerned as I offered her a pitiful smile, whereas Camille didn't even try, her eyes were on her blackberry and nothing else. She wasn't even bothering with snidey comments today. I couldn't say I was complaining.

"You're not? Oh no, what's wrong?" She gasped. Camille snorted and Bea sent her a glare before turning back to me, gesturing for me to continue. If it had been anyone else giving me the look of concern Bea was giving me, I would have said, without a doubt, they were taking the piss. The thing was with her, I really think this was her being serious, she had this somewhat dopey air about her. But she was sweet all the same and I wasn't about to blow her off.

"Just some stuff. I had a bit of an argument with Edward... but I'm not even sure what happened. And I've got the worst morning sickness that seems to be taking over my life at the moment. I can't even go to work now. So now I'm just on my way to the clinic for my appointment... alone..." I mumbled the last part to myself.

"Oh, I had such bad morning sickness with my daughter, all the way through. They say if you get it really bad throughout, you're having a girl."

"Well I'll find out soon enough." I said and her face lit up.

"Oh, it's _the_ appointment. Are you excited? I'm excited for you!" She giggled to herself.

"I don't know." I said quietly, "I am, but..." Camille rolled her eyes, telling Bea she was going somewhere or other and then disappeared.

"Are you going to meet Edward there then?" She asked, looking all happy, and sunny, and tanned, and blonde, and peachy. And then me just like blah. If I didn't have the bump, I would say she was the one expecting. I shook my head and sighed. "No? Well you must be meeting him somewhere, you can't go to _the_ appointment on your own." She laughed, and then her face fell as she realised that was exactly what I was doing.

I didn't want to bother any of my friends or my family, they had work, they had lives. I'd intruded on Jasper and Alice too much already to ask either of them, everyone else I knew was busy, "Darling, you're not going on your own are you?" I stood silently on the sidewalk beside this beautiful woman looking glum enough that I didn't have to answer.

"No way." She gasped as a shifted from one foot to the other awkwardly. In seconds she had her phone to her ear, asking for a car to come and pick her up, "If my Henry hadn't come with me to my _big appointment_ I would have had a girlfriend there. You can't go on your own, seriously, you'll cry, I have tissues. If it were me, I know I'd need someone there so I'm coming with you, I can't let you go on your own."

---

In the time it would have taken me to protest, her car pulled up and she ushered me into it. To be honest, I didn't want to go on my own anyway, I wanted someone to be with me and hold my hand while I cried. And she did, which was good because I did cry.

I cried a lot.

I'm an emotional person so I was expecting the initial 'holy-shit-wow' tears, but then I was properly choking up. As in 'I couldn't even see the monitor' tears. As in 'I had to sit up because I couldn't console myself' tears. And I sat there, on the end of the bed, still holding the hand of the woman who was relatively a stranger to me, my top still up, the cold gel still on my stomach, and I cried quietly to myself for another ten minutes.

I was crying because, well obviously, my baby. I was crying because there was so many little things I wasn't paying enough attention to apparently; my weight and blood pressure being just two things. I was crying because Edward wasn't there with me when he really, really should have been, and that maybe I'd been too harsh, but then so had he. I was crying because even though I thought he should have been there, a small part of me was still glad he wasn't. If he hadn't been such an idiot he would have been, he would have been holding my hand instead of Bea, he would've had that goofy ass smile he always had, and I would've watched his reaction because it was always a million times better than mine. We'd find out together.

But if he wasn't going to do all that, if I couldn't be sure that he was going to be supportive and nothing else; not grumpy, or rude or just plain mean, then I didn't want him there. So I stuck by my decision and that was that. Edward would have to be told, just like everybody else.

As my crying subdued to stuttered breaths, Bea moved round to stand at the end of the bed, in front of me, and tucked my hair behind my ear, smiling her pleasant smile sans the teeth, "Wow, I think you need more tissues than I've got." She laughed and I did as well. I think the technician did too, just to break the awkward silence that had formed around me.

"Sorry." I said, taking the tissues Bea offered to me, dabbing my face and blowing my nose, "Thanks."

"You're welcome. So, have you got a name yet?" She asked excitedly but I shook my head.

Another reason why I was crying; my child was going to have to live with a shitty name chosen by Edward that would probably remind me of mutants and/or space freaks. Which was just fan-fucking-tastic.

But if not anything else, it was just a good feeling to know I was right and he was wrong.

**Oh life. I haven't much to say, I'm just seeing their confrontation in my head and cringing... bad times. So, review. Happy Halloween! I'm going to go and watch an epic amount of 'scary' films with friends and probably scream like a little girl. Oh yeah, review.  
**

**You know you love me, XOXO  
**


	21. Delicate

**Wow, I'm sorry for the delay in update but this chapter took me SO FREAKIN' long to write it's stupid. I literally have five other versions. Not cool. I don't really have much to say other than thank you to everyone (Julia = LOVE) as usual, as far as 'kickass' goes, you guys are totally it. You make me say words like 'kickass' and 'totally' in weird contexts. I love it. **

**Song: Delicate- **Damien Rice

**BPOV**

Week nineteen-but-more-or-less-twenty.

It's funny how nice and noiseless children become when an adult starts crying. It's probably because they're totally freaked out, so much so, they don't know what to do but stand and stare at you. I get scared of me when I start crying never mind everyone else, so I felt I understood.

By the doorway to Angela's bedroom, almost with a military precision, stood a girl, a boy and a man. Silent and slightly disturbed they stood side by side, wide eyed and helpless as I sat on the end of the bed opposite them, weeping like a sea cow into my hands as my friend and her sister tried, and failed, to comfort me. There was calm, other than me, but their faces said it all, _Holy poop, this random lady is having an emotional breakdown in Aunty Angela's room. She looks funny when she cries…_

Angela had asked what it was I was blubbering about for the past half hour. Her efforts unfortunately had been futile. She wasn't really getting anything of use out of me. To be honest, I just didn't want to talk about it. The most she knew was that it involved me and it involved Edward and I was crying about it a hell of a lot. I felt really pathetic and stupid and I wanted to go to someone who wouldn't remind me of the things I was trying to forget. Someone who wasn't involved, someone who wouldn't try and get involved unless I wanted them to. The first someone I could think of was Angela.

Angela didn't pry, she listened, she comforted and she was such a kickass friend it made me cry a little more. I basically stumbled into her apartment, teary eyed, unable to see properly and on the verge of a meltdown – literally, even in the late afternoon it was still so warm outside, hel-lo air con. She still let me in despite the fact her sister Clare was visiting with her husband and children. Despite the fact I probably resembled a crack whore after a rough night. Without the crack though… or the whore part.

When I said I'd just leave since I was so obviously interrupting something and I looked like a mess – hot mess, not in the good way – she then dragged me into her bedroom and let me cry on her really nice t-shirt that had I not been weeping into it, I would have been admiring further. And then her sister came in too and I didn't even know her but apparently this 'I'm-so-fucking-nice-and-kind-and-you-can-cry-on-my-nice-top-all-you-like' thing was a family trait.

I eventually managed to cough up the goods on how I'd thought maybe Edward would have calmed down a little since the previous day and would be willing to talk properly, say what he had to say about the thing that was clearly bothering him so much, and how I'd dragged myself back to the Cullen house for all that confrontational shit.

And that turned out just terrible.

To cut a long story short, I saw him, he didn't say anything, I waited, he just stared at me, I told him about my appointment but then got really pissed and upset, he didn't say anything, then we kind of argued, I got pissy and threw books at him, he crushed my heart, I left then cried. And, well, here I am. Still crying.

I couldn't even remember how the fuck I'd managed to get myself here. I must've been walking the city with a post-it note stuck to my forehead with Angela's address and some nice taxi driver must have taken pity on my blubbering form, delivering me to said address. But that couldn't have happened; one, because I was, and still am, in such a hysterical mess of tears and sadness and anger and generally pregnant-ness, I wouldn't have thought about writing an address and stuck it on my forehead. Two, I have yet to come across a nice taxi driver in this city. I know they're out there, I hear about them sometimes. The few saints hidden among mere men.

The few saints amid idiotic, arrogant men. The few saints amid the _many_ idiotic, arrogant, dickfaced, annoying, shitty, hormonal, difficult, untrusting, unthinking, cockheaded and so fucking egotistical men.

Well, shit, now I think I hate men. No. Now I _know _I hate men. I'm not an Androphobic, I'm a hater. I'm a Misandrist. And I didn't even know that word existed until I googled it just out of interest two days ago.

Women were only made second because clearly God saw what a fucked up job he'd done with Adam and had to make amends with Eve. I'm not going to start burning my bras or anything - no fucking way am I burning any bra of mine, they cost _real_ freakin' money, plus I dread to think what my tits would be up to, or down to, without one on.

Jesus Christ, that right there is some scary shit.

But I digress.

The point is I'm angry. The point is I hate Edward. I'm totally with Olivia on this one; her daddy's a dick who I hate. Hate, hate, hate. I hate him so much simply because I don't hate him at all. I absolutely adore him, _still_. That just makes me want to hate him more.

But I'm so fucking angry it's not funny. I don't think I've ever been this angry before in my entire life. I don't really get angry, and when I do, I '_Avada Kedavra_' the shit out of whoever the hell pissed me off within the safe confinements of my mind, and then shrug it off. But most of the time I just get so angry I end up crying so I sit and cry it out.

The more I thought the day over, the angrier I got, the more I cried, the worse I felt. Not feeling well reminded me of my lack of medication, which I realised half way through my crying I'd left at Edwards house after I went and bitchslapped his ass. But totally failed. _His_ name just got me pissed all over again and thus continued my vicious, angry and pathetic little circle, sans the Harry Potter spells because I didn't want to _Avada Kedavra _Edward, but maybe a little _Crucio _wouldn't hurt him. Much…

To add to all of this, I hadn't taken any drugs today in case they counteracted with the stuff I had previously been taking. And I hadn't eaten other than the few ginger biscuits this morning, which I then threw up just before I left so that didn't even count. So basically I had no meds, no cat, no wine, no nicotine, no food, no happiness, just a lot of tears, sadness, anger and a horrible feeling I was going to vomit sometime soon. I had the swirling in my stomach that was definitely not baby swirling, the irritatingly familiar pain and light-headedness and my mouth was getting all gross.

Vomiting was most definitely imminent and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. I wrapped an arm around my middle as the inevitable became reality and I darted from the bedroom to the bathroom murmuring, "Oh shit…" as I half gagged, half sobbed, my whole body lurching forward multiple times before I found my porcelain friend.

And there I remained, spewing the nonexistent contents of my stomach, feeling impossibly shittier while Angela and Clare sat with me rubbing my back and giving me water which raced back up my throat almost as quickly as I'd swallowed it down.

She must have had such a lovely first impression of me._ Hey, I'm Bella Swan, your sister's irresponsible friend. Got knocked up a few months back now, emotional break downs are totally the norm, don't worry about it. I'll probably throw up my voice box and stop talking soon, don't worry. It's nice to meet you though._

Fail.

There was definitely no way I could get my medication until the following day. I couldn't go and get it, I didn't want to bother Angela with that as well as me barfing in her toilet. My brother and Rose were out. Jasper and Alice were having a 'night in'. Edward worries enough as it is, plus I didn't want to talk to him. Medication would have to wait. I could survive; I had been all day… not very well, but I was still alive.

So I manned up (well not really because the crying never did come to a halt) and got comfy – as comfy as you can be when retching into a toilet whilst kneeling on the floor, turns out it's not comfy at all – telling my friends to just leave me because I really hated people watching me throw up and I know I'm not very spatially aware sometimes, but I was hardly going to fall into the toilet.

I felt so incredibly bad. So, so bad. And then I hated Edward more for making me so upset I forgot my pills.

Wanker.

**EPOV**

My knuckles cracked as I curled my fingers over and then bent them back for the millionth time, trying to ease the built up tension as I stood before my daughter's bedroom door. Even once I'd stretched my hands out, I still felt achy, and tense, and really fucking angry and all this other built up shit that I didn't like dealing with, but I tried to set it aside, just for a second, just so I could apologise to the one person who mattered most. Because I was being, and had been, a complete dick.

And I'd just cocked things up again

I'm shit at controlling my stress once I've passed _that_ line. You know, the line that has a warning sign beside that says '_Cross with caution, jackass characteristics imminent'._ Unfortunately, I was currently dancing over that. At this particular moment in time I was under it, but little things teased me until I slipped over and then I snapped.

I'd snapped at Alice and various other unfortunate people at work. I'd snapped at Olivia. I'd snapped at Bella, twice. I'd even got a bit funny with Phil. And I never get funny with _Phil_.

If I was a kid, this stress would have easily turned into a panic attack long ago, but this was a different kind of stress to the one I dealt with growing up. This was angry stress which generally didn't lead to panic attacks and my therapist never told me how to deal with this; I was an anxious child, not an angry one. Still, I applied the same kind of calming techniques I had used then.

_Breathe in deeply, out slowly. In deeply, out slowly. In, out, in, out._

My hand unfortunately replaced the stress ball and I dug my fingers into the fleshy part of it almost rhythmically, trying to calm myself each time. And it worked for a while, but then I thought about things and slowly but surely, I became more irritated. I was walking around like some fucking time bomb about to explode at any given moment. There were moments when I thought I really was going to lose it, but I didn't.

I didn't because I already felt like the biggest fucking dickhead in the entire universe, beyond and back, for what I'd said to Bella. Honestly, I didn't even realise it had spilled out of my mouth until she stood there gaping at me.

Why the fuck would I even think to say that? What the hell possessed me to ever say that to her, to even think it? When I _knew _that she'd blamed herself for her mother's death, that she thought herself to be the reason her dad had been unhappy since. Despite the fact things happen during childbirth all the time. They were just unlucky. Of course it wasn't her fault; it was pretty fucked up how she had seriously drilled it into her head that she was the cause of the gloom and doom in her life. She honestly thought of herself as the dark spec on an otherwise perfect picture.

Even at twenty four, although she said it was stupid, to some degree she still believed it. Even as an adult. But either way, she'd told me all this in confidentiality because she trusted me. She trusted me with a part of her she didn't like people to know. And I just went and used it against her knowing full well how much it had meant to her.

There wasn't a lot I could do after I'd said it but the look in her eyes broke my heart. She hated me. There was no 'I'm sorry' that could be used to fix that slip up. Even if she eventually forgave me for being a prick, she wouldn't be so hasty in forgetting what I'd said.

Shaking my head, I rapped lightly on the white door in front of me before pushing it open and peering round, to see Olivia standing in her pyjama's rocking Kitty in her arms rather awkwardly as if she were a baby too big for her to carry properly. Because that dog was growing so damn quickly it was scary. Despite the fact I may have bought my daughter a baby BFG in the disguise of a dog, I smiled a little to myself watching her dozily wandering around her room whilst muttering soft words to her dog. I stood unnoticed at the door while she talked animatedly, giggling every now and then while the puppy often reached up to lick her face.

When she eventually started doing her circuit of the room again, she caught sight of me and stopped, twisting her mouth a little as she stared at me.

And for the first time in… ever, I didn't know what to say to her. I needed to apologise because I had been an idiot, I was taking things out on her when I shouldn't have done, but like with Bella, I couldn't put my apology into words easily. Actually, the more I stared back at her, I realised she was standing looking at me in much a similar way to how Bella had been earlier, when she came to tell me about the appointment.

I'd been going over something or other to do with work in my study, I didn't realise she was standing at the doorway until I glanced up just by chance. At that particular point in time, I wasn't feeling especially angry, just down and shitty. I didn't want to argue with her, I didn't want to cause a fuss; I'm not really sure what exactly it was I did want to do. I was surprised she came back at all. After what I'd said, I thought she wouldn't want to see me for at least another month or whatever.

But she came back albeit looking a little forlorn and tired. She looked really tired and generally quite depleted, like she should actually be lying in a bed somewhere with someone watching over her. I knew she probably should have been; I also knew that person watching over her should have probably been me.

_She sighed, closing her eyes as she scratched her forehead irritably before looking at me again, almost expectantly as if there was something I was supposed to say to her. There was a lot I wanted to say to her. The main one being 'I am so fucking sorry I cannot even begin to tell you', but nothing seemed to come out of my mouth, so we just continued to stare at each other. The more time that went on in silence the more irritated and sad she seemed to become and her eyes tore into mine so fiercely, even when I wanted to say something, I couldn't._

_Eventually she looked away, shook her head and snorted quietly to herself, "I'm not staying for long," she said quietly, "I just came to tell you how it went…" She shifted around a little, running her hand through her hair, pulling it all to one side as she continued to stare at me._

_There was a brief pause after which she shook her head again and cleared her throat, her brow furrowing as she seemingly struggled with something in her head, "Um, so, the baby's fine, still… which is good. Really good. I was starting to think that maybe because I'm really, like… uh. The, um, blood tests came back fine, I have a low white blood cell count apparently so I'm more vulnerable to illness in general or something? I have to watch my blood pressure more closely; it was pretty high, but… Oh, and I got some new medication but I can't take it until after eight in the evening and I have to have it then or I die, so I'm a bit," she waved her hand around her head, "bleh. Not feeling good at all right now. But I can't remember why I'm not allowed to take anything, something about the other medication I was on and stuff. I need to drink more water and go back as soon as possible if the new meds don't work, and…"_

_I put down the file I was reading as she recited what I assumed were the more important parts of her appointment. The appointment I didn't go to. _The _appointment, one of the most important and monumental ones you have. The one I had been stuck on the fence to just turning up to anyway because shit, it was our baby here. And yeah, I'd been an asshole but… she told me specifically not to come. And I said I'd be there whenever she wanted me, and not whenever she didn't. So I didn't go. I didn't fucking go._

_I might as well have fucking cried about it all day because not being there made me feel shitter than shit. Had she wanted me there, would she have told me to get out? Would I have just made everything worse than it already was? Well I wouldn't fucking know because, what's that, oh yeah, I wasn't there._

_Watching her rifle through her head for what she wanted to say annoyed me for completely ridiculous reasons. How was it she could still find something to say when I was completely clueless as where to start and all I had to say was 'I'm sorry'._

"_Um, yeah so I basically just have to monitor myself more carefully. I guess." She shrugged her shoulders looking down at the floor. Now might have been a good time to say something, but I just didn't know where to begin. I didn't know how to say it and I felt so fucking stupid because 'sorry' really isn't that fucking hard. Except then I'd have to explain myself, and I don't know if I wanted to explain myself yet. Not because I didn't want to tell her, I just didn't want to remind myself._

_Not that I needed reminding, the thought constantly lingered in my mind._

_I'd been so eager to see her all day, now she was here and I was fucking it up without even saying anything._

_She looked up, slumping her shoulders and arms in a defeated motion, her eyes now heartbreakingly sad, "You weren't there." She almost whispered, her voice cracking a little. My mouth opened to let out the words that I'd been holding back but she must have seen it as me making an excuse. I didn't have an excuse, just an apology._

_I'm sorry, Bella._

_Not hard._

"_Yeah, I know, I said don't come but…"She bit down hard on her bottom lip, her eyes flitting to the ground and then back to me, "You were supposed to come. You were supposed to be there. And you weren't. And…" There was a small pause as I watched her, completely mute, she looked like she was going to cry. I really didn't want her to cry. I _really_ didn't want me to be the reason for her crying either._

"_There's some stuff I have to do on my own… that wasn't one of them. That really wasn't one of them. And I don't know… why you just didn't come anyway. I wanted you to come anyway. I sat there crying like a complete moron with two people I don't know at all, when I just wanted to be crying like a moron with you there, despite how much I think I hate you right now, despite how much you've upset me." She shrugged, "But you didn't come. Now I think Bea knows more about our baby's condition than I do because I wasn't paying any attention at all. I wa-"_

"_You went with Bea?" I said gravely, the first thing I said and it was pissy. But I couldn't help it. Bea. Bea? Beatrix Hadley, Bea? No-fucking-way. I missed out when it's _my_ child, but she was there._

_Bella seemed slightly startled at my sudden decision to voice something, she then frowned when she heard the tone, "Well, she attached herself to me and I couldn't really get her to go away… I wanted the company anyway."_

_I tensed my jaw and put my hands palm down on the surface of my desk, "So of all people, you went with her? Bella, why the hell did you do that?"_

_Her faced turned sour as she narrowed her eyes, "Edward, why does it matter who I went with. The point was I wasn't with you because you're an idiot."_

"_But why were you even talking to her? Bella, just… you just don't talk to those women. At all." I said seriously, frowning at her. She clearly didn't realise what kind of people they were. Fair enough, Bea was possibly the nicest and most innocent out of them, but she had a habit of running her mouth and making insinuations concerning things she had no idea about. It always just ended in either tears, upset, arguments, loss of jobs, loss of family, divorce, jail, bankruptcy or all of the above. It's really amazing what those women could discover with such little information, so much you didn't want them to know…_

_I don't think Bea could have got much on Bella during the time with her to do her much damage, but then maybe she had. I wasn't there, I wouldn't have known. And Bella was just so damn oblivious and naive sometimes, not to mention she was upset, she could have told her anything. And Bea may have accidentally recollected something incorrectly to say, Camille or Tanya and they could twist her words slightly into something else. It was one long train I didn't want to be sitting on, and I didn't mean to sound so angry but I was just trying to warn Bella._

_It was beginning to sound more like a telling off though. She obviously saw it that way. She switched moods so quickly, a second ago she looked as if she was going to faint, then cry now she looked like she wanted to punch me, really hard._

"_You can't tell me who I can and can't be friends with, Edward. This isn't a fucking high school cafeteria, I can speak to whoever the hell I like." She almost hissed at me._

_I stood up from my desk, pushing myself up with my hands so I was more level with her despite the distance between us, "It might as well be, Bella. You don't get it, you and I and everyone else might have grown out of that, but they haven't. Except now it's bigger than just high school because it's the real world, and it's stupid but people get hurt. I don't want that to happen to you. Don't give them anything to go with."_

"_Edward, I don't care!" She seethed, throwing her hands up, "You are totally missing the point, I could have just gone with a fucking cab driver and it wouldn't have made any difference to me. The point is, it wasn't _you_, _you_ missed it. I'm not supposed to be telling you what happened and what's going on because you should have been there to see it yourself you stupid… fucking…"Her hands balled into fists and she was clenching every muscle possible in her face. She was breathing heavily as she looked around briefly, picking up a book from the closest bookshelf and lobbing it at me._

_Luckily she had a really shitty throw and missed, but she threw a freakin' _book_ at me._

"_You're so wrapped up in other things all the time, even when it's not obvious, you are. It's like the only reason I didn't want you to come was because of yesterday. One fucking day Edward and you cock everything up. How the hell did you do that? You could just have told what's going on with you. You don't tell me anything. Ever. I kill myself to be able to trust you enough to tell you the stupidest of things. And you never tell me anything that matters. Like… like why did you divorce your wife? You haven't told me that. And what the hell is bugging you now and yesterday? You look so… bloody… glum… and…" She picked up another book and threw it; she missed._

"_You haven't apologised! Why haven't you said sorry? It's really not that hard and you were really, really out of order. Like… ugh! I don't understand you, I'm so… angry!" She threw another book that I actually had to move to the side to avoid. She stood there, all angry and pissy and upset and wanting to kill me and she was still looked so amazing to me. Totally the wrong time to be thinking it, but she was._

_Her voice was somewhere between a screechy growl and a sob but she continued until she had nothing left to say, "And! Oh my god, you didn't say anything back to me when I said… when I said…" A little whimper emitted from her throat as she picked up another book. I prepared myself to dodge it as she prepared to throw, but then she didn't. She lowered her arm to her side her heavy breathing out of rage now turning into small sobs, "When I said that I thought I… that I _was_ falling for you. You didn't say it back."_

_My face dropped and I sighed. I opened my mouth and then closed it again totally unsure of what to say. I'd told her that that was all I wanted to hear, and at the time it was. It still is. I was still completely ecstatic that she said it in the first place. That she looked at me and thought about me in _that_ way. I didn't think about saying it back and I couldn't be sure why. Now I thought about it, I felt like if I said it, it wouldn't mean anything really. _

_And then in some ray of sparkly light within my mind, at the most random of times, it hit me. It properly smacked me in the face with a big flashing sign and trumpets and everything. That it's not that I _couldn't _say it. I could. It just wasn't true, I wasn't _falling_ for her, and I didn't want to lie. So I said, "I can't say it back to you." Because that's what she wanted to hear me say; that I was falling for her too, but I couldn't say that._

_She couldn't see it, but there was a marching band parading in my mind with god damn banners and flyers and everything, just in case I missed the message on the flashing sign. Everything fitted together albeit momentarily. For a second my world stopped turning. For a second my heart stopped beating. For a second I saw everything for what it really was, and what it could be. Through my nearly-lie came truth, and with truth came love._

_I love her._

_I couldn't tell her I was falling for her because I was on the ground already. I'd collided with it face first. She'd cut off my strings and sent me plummeting without a parachute. I must have been in a coma only just waking and realizing it. I have fallen, from where I'm not sure, all I know is I'm not up in the air anymore._

_I'm on the ground. Everything is fucked up here, nothing is clear, there isn't any easy route to anything and you can buy freakin' cheese in a can. I don't like it much, I've made my mistakes and I'll make a million more. But I love Isabella Swan. I don't know where that puts me; I don't know where that puts her. Maybe into some subcategory that means eventually things will be less shitty. I wouldn't even mind if things were shitty; they're shitty now and I'm pretty sure I still love her._

_Not that she knew that._

_She stood completely silent. No crying, no heavy, angered breaths, not anything. She just stood staring at her feet and then nodded dejectedly, "Ok." The book she was holding fell through the grasp of her fingers, landing with a soft thud on the floor. A tear or two, or three soon followed it settling in small damp droplets atop of the hard back book - I was so glad she didn't throw that one, although maybe if she had it might have knocked some sense back into me._

_Because what was I doing? She was totally misunderstanding what I was saying and I was just letting her. I couldn't say it because it didn't apply to me, because it did once, just not anymore. But I couldn't tell her that. And I still hadn't apologised._

_Her whole body sagged and she looked so lost. And although I battled with myself to run over to her and tell her everything I could ever think to tell her about., to kiss her over and over and tell her how fucking sorry I was for being a complete douche, to hold her for a near forever and just be, my feet remained firmly rooted to the ground. I wanted to move but I was stuck in some kind of stupor watching her close into herself._

"_I'm going to go." She said quietly before speaking again in a completely monotonous voice, "My apartment's more or less done so I can move back into it tomorrow if I want, so I can get out of your hair. I know you get anxious… my phone's on so you can call if there's some sort of emergency, but otherwise please don't… I just…um, sorry about the books, I'll buy you new ones if I wrecked them or something." She tapped the book on the floor with her foot before she turned, glancing back over her shoulder but not looking at me, the smallest smile tempting her lips, "Oh, and I was right, _he_ is a boy. The baby I mean."_

_I was torn between emotions here as it was. I was still angry at myself for not being at the damn appointment and a tiny bit at her for taking Bea. I was generally distracted and depleted as it was. I was pissed at myself just because. I was anxious for too many reasons. And now… well that was the best thing I'd heard in the past week and I knew that right now I couldn't even spaz about it the way I wanted to._

_So I smiled, wider than hers but not nearly as wide or goofy as I wanted it to be. We had a short moment of mutual elation though it was kept within the silent and small confinement of smiles due to the situation. She sighed and it was over. She looked away and my smile slowly faded, "I'll see you later, Edward."_

I was brought out of my daze when I felt Olivia hug me, her dog circling the both of us and occasionally jump up before running around in circles again. I looked down at her confused as she hugged me tighter, "Don't worry daddy, I don't hate you anymore." She said, looking up and smiling brightly at me.

Apparently that was it; I didn't need to say anything at all. She just knew. She understood my silence just like I never understood hers. How she did that, I'm not entirely sure. I think she just tapped into people.

Obviously I did anyway because whether she knew or not, I _had_ to have the words come out of my mouth. I'd reached an epic fail with Bella, I wasn't going to have it happen with my daughter too.

I had to do one of those cut down, edited child proof versions of why I was being such a twat. Sometimes I wished she was old enough that I could just say, "You know what, life's shit" and she'd nod and agree and probably go on about the teenage drama in her life. But she wasn't there yet, so I wouldn't be saying that, but I suppose I had something to look forward to. In another ten years or so. I put her to bed and kneeled on the ground while she told me about all the random things that had happened with her. A lot of it I'm pretty sure she was making up, but I smiled and acted shocked at all the right bits until her eyes became droopy with sleep.

"I'm glad I don't hate you anymore." She mumbled drowsily.

I smiled and stroked the top of her head, "So am I."

"Bella said… you shouldn't really go to sleep being angry with someone if you fell out. Because… ummmm… I don't remember…" She yawned, "And I wasn't angry last night, but I was sad. And I don't want to be sad so that's why we're friends again." I kissed her head, telling her again how much I loved her. All smiles and niceness as I left her room only to crack and falter as I shut the door.

What about if you're self-deprecating, only angry with yourself, can you go to sleep then? Or am I going to be up all night?

---

"Did you just call her?"

"Yes, Edward, I did. She's not picking up. She's not picking up to Jasper either so I don't think she's just ignoring you… he's calling Rosalie right now, so if you just take a moment to breathe then I will be able to tell you what's going on. Bloody hell."

"It's just I know she doesn't really want to talk to me right now…or ever, but-"

"You get anxious. Edward, you don't need to tell me, I know. Hel-lo."

"And she's not picking up to anyone… and I text her a few times…" I fingered the small white bag sitting on the counter next to the fridge. I'd been sitting in the kitchen talking to Meg when I noticed it sitting on the side. She said it must have been Bella's since she stopped in the kitchen briefly before going to see me, from the label on the pills inside the bag, it became evident it was indeed Bella's. And at first I didn't worry; I sent her a text saying she'd left it and she didn't text back, which didn't really come as a surprise.

Then I realised it was well after eight. She'd said earlier she had to have it at eight or she'd die. I knew she wasn't actually being serious, she wasn't _actually_ going to die, but I did begin to think that maybe without it she would be suffering. She was dying one morning when she lost her old meds. And that was just for the morning. She hadn't had any _all_ day.

When she didn't reply, I text again, just in case she hadn't got the previous one. Three texts later I decided to call. When she didn't pick up, I started getting anxious. Then I called Alice. Meg just watched me throughout all of this, shaking her head, and telling me Bella had probably left her phone in the fridge again or something.

Well her phone wasn't in _our_ fridge. I checked already, three times.

I could hear Alice and Jasper muttering to each other on the other end of the phone as I paced the kitchen. I should have asked what the hell those two were up to together this evening, but I had other things, more important things on my agenda. Like finding out where the hell Bella was, and where the hell Bella's cell phone was, and whether she was dead or alive.

I'm not too sure, but I've heard if the person you feel very strongly towards is dead, and you never told them, then that counts as unrequited love. Unrequited love stories are the worst love stories. It's not love at all, just heartache and misery. I hate misery. I know I hate it because I've been miserable for the past two years.

"Am I going to have to get out your Prozac, Edward? Or maybe the Ativan, Xanax, Serax… Valium? Do you take that stuff? You look like you need it all." She laughed to herself. Honestly, I think I may have actually been in need of one of them. Maybe all of them. And I didn't appreciate being joked with when I got like this. I had already rearranged the contents of the cutlery drawer much to Meg's disapproval. If I didn't get any answers soon to ease my worry, the fridge was next…

"Alice, can you please tell me something." I could hear them still discussing, but it sounded as if she'd put the phone away from her mouth so I couldn't hear which was irritating. I rolled my shoulders and moved my head from side to side trying to relieve all the built up tension in my muscles as I waited.

Impatiently.

"Alice, seriously." I sounded so freakin' desperate it was ridiculous. She could have just fallen asleep for all I knew, perfectly fine, nothing wrong with her at all. And then she'd come by tomorrow and pick up it up, and it would be fine.

"Ok, well, Rosalie said that they've just got home but they don't know where she is..." I gripped the edge of the worktop while she spoke, maybe breathing, but then again, maybe not, "So I don't know where she is. She's probably at home sleeping or something." Or she's dead in an alley. Oh shit.

I stopped for a second and took a deep breath out before speaking although my heart was racing a million beats a seconds, "What do I do?"

"You can wait. I don't know, she's probably fine, Edward. Just sit down, stop pacing, breathe and wait."

"Alice, I-." My phone started beeping at me so I pulled it away to see Bella's name up on the screen. And holy crap I could have kissed it, "She's calling… I'm putting you on hold." I said to Alice, switching the calls over and breathing out heavily, "Oh, god, Bella, you-"

"Hi. Um. It's not Bella, it's her friend Angela. I work with her at the Sweet Tooth? She came over just after five and she's been really ill since and I'm not really sure what to do. She said she left the stuff she'd been prescribed at your house… and I knew she had bad morning sickness, but now she keeps fainting. She's like drifting in and out of consciousness. My sister's here and we've given her water but she can't stomach it. I think she might be getting dehydrated or something. We were going to call a doctor but I thought I should call you first…"

So just when I thought I could take a deep breath knowing she was safe, my stress levels just built straight back up again, "I need an address." I said, swiftly grabbing the white bag. Meg frowned at me, confused as to what was going on seeing as she could only hear my side of the conversation, I just asked if she could stay here with Olivia and she agreed, understanding that something was up.

"Oh. Yeah, of course, sorry…" I noted down the address Angela gave me, riffling through my pockets for the keys to the Mercedes I had but rarely used. If I called for a car I'd have to wait, and since I was a perfectly able driver and I didn't have the time to waste, I decided on taking my own.

As I flung my jacket over my arm, exited the front door and hung up on Angela, I took Alice off hold to tell her what's going on, "Is she ok?"

"No, she's not. That was her friend, I'm just going over there to give her this medicine, see if it helps at all."

"Is she really ill? God, I tell her time and time again, just pay more attention, when you don't feel well, don't ignore it. She's so stubborn sometimes…" She sighed and although she sounded irritated I knew it was only because she cared. Alice got irritated with those she cared about. Apart from Jasper, the more she cared, the worse she got. It was scary sometimes, "Just make sure she's ok, Edward."

"I'll text you when I get updated." I sighed, as I slipped into my car and started the engine, trying to withstand a panic attack as thoughts of all the possible worst case scenarios began clouding my mind. I could see it so clearly now; it would be like that scene from alien, she'd just start spewing blood all over the place and fitting on the floor while this alien baby thing ripped its way through her stomach. And then she'd die in all this mess of blood and guts and…

Oh my god.

I don't know if I should have been more concerned that that even came to mind or that I actually was considering it as a possibility.

I leaned over and opened the compartment on the passenger's side taking out some of the Prozac I had in there. Just in case of emergencies.

---

It didn't take me too long to get to Angela's. After typing it into the GPS system, I pretty much found the quickest route to get there and followed it. My fingers tapped tensely, restlessly on the steering wheel as I slid in and out of the cars around me. New York was one of those places where if you didn't live here and know the city, you really shouldn't own a car. Driving was like dancing. Not a slow waltz either; more an up tempo tango. I switched lanes here, another car turned off there, we all slowed, then moved faster again. In fact driving on a New York highway was kind of like sex; you knew where you wanted to go, you found your spot on the road, slipped in, hoped to keep to a good enough rhythm, changing your pace as others around you close in but you remain as calm as possible. So far you've been collision free, you see your exit coming up and you prepare for it, holding firmly to the steering wheel, you push down on the acceleration as you reach your peak, slip out at the junction and go about your way.

It sounded easy but it wasn't. Like sex and instruments, you got better with practice.

And yes, the entire car ride I was distracting myself with the thought of sex. Prozac did that to me sometimes and since I was feeling calmer, I wished to remain that way. I would be of no use if I turned up needing medication more than Bella. Luckily when I did find Angela's apartment block and a safe place to park my pretty car, I was ok. Or so I kept telling myself.

I think I was ok. I was freaking out but to a controlled amount. So that was ok.

When I was standing in front of Angela's door though, that's when a lot of stuff seemed to be thrown on top of me all over again. I couldn't just give them Bella's medication and leave, but would she want me anywhere near her? I'm pretty certain she was under the impression I thought a lot less of her than her of me, which was not the case at all…

"Oh, good, you're here, I thought you might have gotten lost." Angela smiled briefly at me as she opened the door and ushered me in. I hadn't realised how tall and skinny she was until now. Skinny but she had huge tits… I wasn't looking, just an observation. I smiled back at her, taking a moment – and I mean literally a second or two – to glance around the apartment. It was a good size for her, nice decoration, nothing extravagant or fancy, but nice and homely. Pretty neutral.

"She's still in the bathroom…" Angela said, holding a wet cloth in her hand as she began walking towards an open door. I gripped the prescription bag in my hand as I took my initiative to follow her to what was obviously the bathroom.

And there she was. Lying on the floor like a drunk friend you eventually get bored of watching to make sure they don't choke on their own sick and just leave to their own devises. But Bella wasn't drunk, she was far from it. She was off colour and her hair was sticking to her face and was wet around her hair line. Angela knelt down to put the wet cloth on her forehead earning a small whimper, before standing again with her hands on her hips, looking at her friend with genuine concern.

"We told her to lie down and try and sleep. But it's hard to tell if she's sleeping or just unconscious. And because she's pregnant as well, we weren't really sure what to do." She informed me as I knelt down beside her, moving the hair that was stuck to face out of the way, then moved my thumb across her warm cheeks.

"Like now she's stopped talking. We don't know if she's actually just trying to sleep or what. I really hope she's ok though, I'm getting pretty worried over here." I looked up to see an almost clone of Angela sitting on the edge of her bathtub, looking over with the same amount of concern. She was older though, definitely older not that it was obvious I could just tell, slim but not skinny and she had much lighter hair.

Angela looked between us before saying, "Oh, Edward, this is my sister Clare." I raised my chin and Clare nodded, everyone once again turning back to Bella.

"So what do we do? Should we call a doctor now?"

I sighed as I continually stroked my hand over her cheeks. She felt so warm compared to my hand. I took it away for a moment to think but she made a sound much like a cat meowing, "Your hand's cold. Put it back." She grumbled, sitting up and holding my hand to her face although her eyes remained closed.

"How are you feeling?" I asked her as she held my hand to her face, slightly hunching over herself.

"Like absolute shit, Edward. How do you think I'm feeling?" She replied groggily. I frowned, pulling out the medicine bottles from their bag and reading the dosage on each before looking at her again and sighing.

"Can you get some ice?" I looked up at Angela who looked confused for a moment before nodding seriously and disappearing into the kitchen, then followed by her sister, "You need two of these," I emptied to small yellow and red pills into my hand before closing the bottle, "And three of these." I did the same with another, "I'm not sure if you need this… but it can't do any harm and you look like you're about to die so take it as well." She opened one eye to see the arrangement of multicoloured pills I had in my hand, just as Angela returned with ice in a really weird container.

"It's like a thermal." She explained, "But for frozen things. So it should keep ice, well, as ice." She smiled warmly at me and then gave a sympathetic one to Bella, "What do you need it for though?"

"She can't drink water but she's probably dehydrated. Sucking on ice helps because she's getting liquids but not enough for her to throw up." Angela nodded in understand and Bella scowled.

"I am right here you know. And you're not a doctor… why are you even here?"

"Bella, take the pills, swallow, put an ice cube in your mouth and stop talking or I'll do it myself." I may well have sounded like I wasn't being serious, but I was. I knew she wasn't going to argue with me, she hated being like this more than I hated seeing her like this so there wasn't a battle to be had. Still, she gave me the stink-eye as she took them one by one, popping them into her mouth before taking an ice cube and sucking on that.

I sat properly on the floor beside her, leaning back on the wall. Despite her obvious objection to me being there, she was still holding my hand to her face. I'm pretty sure her cheek had become the same temperature as me now or vice versa. Angela slipped out of the room to talk to her sister elsewhere as I stayed in the bathroom with Bella.

Every now and then she would sway and look as if she might topple over but then she'd catch herself and go back to massaging her brow with one hand, holding mine to her face with the other. "Why are you here?" She asked quietly, her voice raspy, her eyes tired and droopy as she looked at me.

"Because I didn't know where you were. And then Angela called me and said you were ill and… I wasn't just going to leave you."

"Well it wouldn't be the first time…" she muttered under her breath although I heard it clearly and sighed, "It's not working yet." She groaned hugging herself and dropping my hand, rocking ever so slightly as she whimpered in distress.

"Are you ok?" I asked her although the answer was pretty obvious. She shook her head sadly when I noticed a few tears dribbling down her cheek and she tried to stop the little sobs that threatened to break from her chest. I watched her for a moment as she huddled over herself, both of her hands holding the sides of her forehead as she dropped her head this way and that.

When it looked like she was just going to pass out, I pulled her into my side, my arm wrapping protectively around her waist, her head on my chest. She pulled a face and made a noise of disapproval but made no attempt to move out of my hold. If anything, she nuzzled her head ever so slightly into my chest. She opened her mouth, probably to complain, but I put another ice cube in there before she could say anything, "Quit trying to talk. Just get better, please." I stroked down her hair, resting my chin on top of her head.

We sat there in silence like that for a while. Every-so-often she would cling to me and whimper over some pain or discomfort and then it seemed she'd fall asleep, or at least begin to feel the effects of the medication. Angela and Clare came back to check on her every now and then. Clare left about an hour later seeing as she'd left her husband with their two children in a hotel room and was beginning to fear for his life, despite the late hours.

Bella's half conscious murmurs and whimpers decreased as time went on. Every time she tried to mutter some sort of nonsense of complaint, I just put another ice cube in her mouth and told her to shut up and sleep already. And eventually she did, or at least I thought she did. Her temperature was more normal, she'd gained some of her colour back and she seemed to be in a lot less discomfort.

I took the time while she didn't hate me to play with her hair, twirling it around my finger whilst I felt her cool breath blow onto my chest rhythmically. When it looked like she was getting cold, I removed my jacket, rapping it round and then cuddling her, "I'm sorry." I said quietly, kissing her hair, "I'm sorry I got mad, it wasn't your fault at all, I shouldn't have taken it out on you… or Olivia. I already apologised to her. I'm sorry I don't always open up to you, but I'll try." I paused, my fingers tracing over the skin of the hand she was clutching my shirt with.

"I'm sorry I couldn't apologise earlier. I… I'm sorry I missed it. The appointment. And I'm so sorry for what I said. I know it upset you, a lot. I don't know why I said it. It was all in anger, I guess. I'm sorry I'm such a dick. I'm sorry I put you in this whole situation. I'm sorry you have to carry this baby, because I would if I could. Especially when you get so ill, I really would."

I tilted my head to look down at the beautiful women asleep on me, "I'm sorry I can't tell you what you want to hear. I'm sorry I can't make you better. I'm sorry I'm saying this while you're sleeping but…" The scent of her shampoo wafted up into my nose as I buried my face within her hair, my voice muffled by her. All her. "I'm sorry. And… I love you."

**Sigh.**

**First of all I'd like to say holy crapping Jesus on a freakin' tricycle! New Moon is this Thursday/Friday! I nearly cried today and I'd like to say I'm exaggerating but I'm really not. I've been counting down since whenever the hell they said they were definitely making it, in like February or something. So, um wow. I'm not watching spoilers anymore though, I'm saving myself :)**

**Uh, on this, Edward will tell us what the hell his problem is/was next chapter, I promise, but I kind of liked this chapter. I think. Maybe. Am I allowed to say that LOL?**

**Please review. Because I'm weird about reviews and I really would like a 20:1 ratio. So review about this, about New Moon, about something, oh and I need boys names so send suggestions! But mainly review about this chapter because I love hearing what you thought. And lets not beat about the bush- I'm a whore, I thrive on these things. I say take advantage of me now, I'll be dead after Friday.**

**You know you love me, XO XO**

**P.S. I'm not a doctor. Or a midwife. Most medical references are actually correct (I think- I go Google crazy) but yeah, I make stuff up too. Kind of. The point is I could well be talking shit medical wise, but it's a fictional story, just roll with it.  
**


	22. Hearing Damage

**Re-cap because this is so late: Uh, they're in Angela's bathroom. Bella got angry and argued with Edward then got ill. Edward is a pussy. Yeah.**

**Sorry this is so late, I have been literally writing this for days. And it's quite long for this story (I make up for time with length- that's what he said) so danke schon Julia, because I worry slightly for your mental state but you help me while I'm writing so it's all good. **

**Oh and there's a lemon in this chapter. Just so you know.**

**Song: Hearing Damage- **Thom Yorke (From my favourite scene in New Moon- the bit with Victoria, I thought it was so well done. I have nothing but love for the whole thing tbh)

**BPOV**

Angela had an odd number of tiles in her bathroom. I know because I'd just spent the last half hour counting them. I thought that was strange. There was an even number of tiles in my bathroom, and in my bathroom in Forks, even at Edward's house. I was a fan of even numbers; odd numbers were annoying for some reason. So I sat and counted them all over again, just to check I hadn't made a mistake.

I don't know what was weirder; waking up on Angela's bathroom floor, discovering I had medication that was like Jesus in a bottle, feeling like I was completely hungover without the sickness or headache just the rough and disorientated state that follows, the fact I was all wrapped up in Edward - literally I had his jacket over me as well as his arms – and was slightly concerned he may or may not be dribbling in my hair since he was using it as a pillow, or that I was sitting here counting tiles, not wanting to move and trying to pretend I hadn't heard him say anything last night.

When he thought I was sleeping.

_But I wasn't._

And I am 69% sure he said something that began with 'I' and ended in 'you'. There was a verb thrown in there somewhere but I was trying to act as if that verb didn't exist. It didn't exist. I'd just made it up. I'd made up a non-existent word.

Oh fuck, who the hell was I kidding. He said _it_. I heard _it_. Of all the verbs in the English dictionary he chose the one that had the power to make people throw themselves off the edge of cliffs, drown themselves in misery and despair or alternatively fling them into a spiral of indescribable happiness, fireworks and confetti and other various mini explosions. I read things about marching bands and rays of light and angels and shit as well. To be honest, that wasn't the case at all with me. Of course, it wouldn't be the case with _me_.

Poets, writers, directors, producers, lyricists; all liars. Obviously they were too consumed within their own ideological worlds where all this great merriment and jubilation occurred when someone said 'those three words'. It wasn't the three words that were so great at all. Two of those words I was completely fine with, it was just _one_ of them. The goddamn verb.

To be honest, I thought the first time someone said it to me it would be like it's described in books or portrayed in films. I was also under the impression we'd be standing in the rain whilst confessing our outlandish, erratic yet undeniable and immutable devotion for each other, and then have some wet, rough, passionate sex.

I was sitting on a bathroom floor, counting tiles while eating away at myself from the inside with anxiety, and I still wanted to rip Edward's arms off to batter him to the ground with. Not thoughts that I think are supposed to pass through your mind when someone confesses _that verb_ to you. _So much for re-enacting The Notebook…_

I don't think I was supposed to hear him. I was 'sleeping' so he could have very well just been stringing together random nouns, prepositions, adjectives and verbs. Bundling them all together and throwing them out there into the darkness where no one would be paying attention. It just so happened I _was_ paying attention, not a lot of it, but enough to hear snippets. I could have been hallucinating, hearing things that weren't really said.

The thing is, I don't think I was. I think he said it. I was wishing he didn't, but I think he did. If he did… that changed a few things. And what about me? What did I feel? I didn't know how the hell I was supposed to react to that. So I counted tiles again to reveal there really was an odd number which actually annoyed me further. Why? I don't know. I'm pregnant, that's my answer for everything.

Amazingly enough, for what felt like the first time in forever, I didn't have a headache, I didn't feel like I wanted to claw out my throat due to dehydration and I wasn't dizzy. I was still so tired I thought I may just fall asleep again on the floor, and queasy, but queasy because of Edward. Not actually _Edward_ but what he said, or what I thought I heard him say. It made my stomach drop and my hands get clammy and my heart race.

At the time, I was suffering so much and feeling disgusting and everything that I totally disregarded it. I heard words not meaning, it was only now it was all hitting me in the face.

Smack, right in between the eyes.

Once I realised, I started to panic. This all seemed like it was too much for me to digest. I didn't want to bring it up, I wondered if he would, I wondered if I'd got it all wrong, I wondered if I'd got it all right. Fucking hell, I just wanted to go home and sleep. And what if he did say it, what would that mean? Where would that put us? What did that mean? And what if he didn't say it, was I wishing he did? Was I hoping he didn't?

"Are you awake?" His groggy voice startled me from my thoughts although I remained still in his arms. I was planning on just pretending I was still sleeping… but then I sneezed and it became a bit obvious, "…I'll take that as a yes." He muttered to himself, sounding rather amused. Which must have been great for him and everything, I was just freaking out, "Do you feel any better?" Physically, I felt a hell of a lot better than I had in the past week. Mentally, I wasn't doing so well.

His arms loosened their grip on me and I used the new freedom to sit up a bit, "Um… I guess. A bit. I mean… yeah, I'm a lot better, thank you." I looked away from him to hide the fact my face was burning up for no reason at all. I think he may have just thought I was still angry at him, and I was, but that wasn't my reasoning behind my turning away.

"Good." The small hint of amusement in his voice just seconds prior completely disappeared from his voice, his tone instead completely serious and a little downtrodden. Some how he managed to slip out from behind me and get to his feet, stretching out both of his arms and legs. The moment his body was away from mine, I instantly missed the warmth it had brought, despite the weather being warm enough as it was. It was like Edward brought a different kind of warmth.

"I guess Angela will want her bathroom back." He held out his hand for me to get up and I took it after a moments thought about what him holding his hand out to me meant. I figured I was looking into things to much and that he was just holding his hand out to me simply because he was being nice. There was no hidden metaphor, there wasn't and implications. He was just being nice. I was thinking too much and I needed to stop. Thinking, for me, just became dangerous.

Only my thoughts were set spiralling again once he pulled me up and I stood just inches from him. So close that I could hear him breathing, so close that after a second of hearing it, I felt that breath roll down onto me. And yet neither of us made any effort to move away. We hadn't had one of these 'moments' in a while. This was an odd one, one of those moments where we probably could have stared at each other forever for unknown reasons but then Angela knocked on the door, and it became awkward.

I let go of his hand first and stepped aside, turning to face the mirror above the sink, seeing for the first time my hideous face. Smudged, puffy, panda eyes, blotchy cheeks, untamed hair. I looked a mess. I disastrous mess. I just didn't know what to do with myself. I could see Edward looking at my reflection weirdly in the mirror, but I don't think it was because of what I looked like. He didn't really seem to care what I looked like.

"Bella,-" Edward was cut short as the door crept open and Angela's head peered around, offering the both of us a timid smile. After seeing Edward do a similar thing, I looked down at the sink basin before turning the taps on, splashing my face with cool water.

"Sorry… I didn't mean to interrupt anything." Angela apologised, backing back out of the room.

"You didn't… interrupt anything." I said as I picked up a towel and dabbed my face dry, "It's your place anyway. I've hogged your bathroom all night, I should be apologising to you."

"You don't need to apologise, Bella. Are you feeling better now? You look a lot better than last night. You look… alive." We both laughed a little as I nodded only briefly glancing at Edward who was still staring at his feet.

"Yeah, I'm definitely better than I was. Not perfect, but definitely better." Angela smiled, looking at Edward and then back to me. She squinted her eyes at me questioningly, before doing the motion over again but quicker. Being a woman myself and knowing how a women's mind worked, I knew exactly what she was asking. She wanted to know what was going on with 'us' if anything was at all. I couldn't answer so I shrugged my shoulders and sighed.

Maybe I should have pulled her aside and told her what I thought had happened and ask for some advice, but something inside me knew that probably wasn't the best idea and that if I were to tell anyone, it should be Edward. So basically no-one was to know of this.

Neither Edward nor I spoke to each other after that. It was decided without discussion that he would take me back to his house and I could decide what I wanted to do from there. Angela fussed over me for a while before we left after I'd washed out my mouth with some mouthwash, giving me a tub full of chocolate muffins she had made earlier to distract her from needing a piss so badly. With us sleeping in the bathroom and all, she said she didn't want to disturb us.

It turned out Edward has a car. I knew he had cars he was driven around in, but I was unaware of him actually owning one, in New York anyway. Of course I made no comment as I bundled myself in and fastened my seatbelt. He got in without a word and drove in silence. No music, no radio, no conversation, not a cough or a sniff or a sneeze. Even the car itself was more or less mute.

It was so awkward and uncomfortable I thought I was going to die. I was so afraid to breathe I thought I might just die due to lack of oxygen. I didn't want to move in my seat, I even resisted itching my arm because movement meant sound, sound meant he'd remember I was sitting in the passenger seat, and I was kind of hoping he'd forgotten.

But holy fuck was it awkward.

We finally got to the point where I couldn't control myself. My hands gripped either side of the leather seat; his hands gripped the steering wheel as he stared blankly ahead. My knee started bouncing even when I crossed it over the other, his fingers began tapping and his knees bounced whenever we slowed or came to a stop. You needed more than a knife to cut the tension that had built in this small space. You needed more than a chainsaw. If we were lucky, an atomic bomb might have been able to do something, but only if we were lucky and neither of us were.

So we continued as we were, both obviously uneasy about the atmosphere we'd unintentionally created. My chest heaved with apprehension and it became increasingly obvious I was about to self-implode. For real this time.

"Edward, I wasn't sleeping." I breathed out so quickly I had to wonder if I said it right. He turned to look at me, his face still blank as all this vomit in the form of words started spewing, "Last night. I wasn't sleeping. You thought I was but I wasn't. I heard you. And now it's really awkward, and I don't know what to think because I heard parts of what you were saying and I get it, that you're sorry, because really so am I, but I don't understand why you can't just _tell me_ what's up. While I'm awake. You apologise… but it's just words, Edward.

"I sat all of this morning counting tiles and thinking…" Panicking, I was panicking. But I was strictly talking about the apologetic part of his little speech here, not… the other bit, "And I don't know if I can forget what you said but I know we all say shit sometimes when we're upset. I can't hold that against you forever, especially not right now because I think I need you too much to hate you. But I can't… we can't… you need to talk to me. _We_ need to talk as a matter of urgency because this," I motioned to the space between us, "I can't handle this. I just want you to trust me, Edward. It feels like you don't…"

I exhaled deeply, feeling a little less uneasy. Edward frowned before turning back to look out onto the highway and sighed. Moments later we were pulling off at the slip road and parked.

"Ok." He started, turning to face me, his blank demeanour almost instantly crumbling down to reveal the somewhat troubled man behind it. I turned my body towards him, bracing myself for whatever it was he was about to confess. He fiddled with his fingers for a while, stretching them out and then brushing them down his jeans while he stared at his lap.

Watching him agitated was beginning to make me increasingly more agitated so I leant forward and took his hands in mine. His made mine look so tiny, I'd never really realised just how small they were until now. Edward's hands weren't abnormally large or anything but apparently mine were weirdly small.

I watched his face soften just a little as I started rubbing circles over his knuckles, just like he'd done to me many a time, "I took Acid once… or twice when I was a younger and all stroppy and hating the world. Apparently I was convinced my friend's hands were cats and I kept stroking them and asking what their names were. She was allergic to cats, she didn't even have soft hands, I was evidently tripping." I snorted to myself, "I really don't know how I didn't become a druggy. I think I've done everything at least once."

Edward looked up at me with a small smile, an eyebrow raised, probably wondering why on earth I was saying this right now, "Yet you didn't go to prom?"

I shrugged, "I told you, junior year I didn't know anyone, senior year I had… other stuff."

"You never said what other stuff."

"Oh, just, um…Pot. Sex. Y'know… stuff." I tried to brush it all off as nothing although even I had to admit, I thought I was so damn cool when I was a teen. Not one of the obviously preppy or rich sort, just one of those who couldn't go to a house party because they'd rather smoke up and go out with their college friends. Yeah, I had a few college friends, hello coolness. But somewhere along the line it all went wrong for me and I lost all capability of befriending/talking to people, like I was some kind of recluse or something. It's only recently I've realised I'm starting to get it back again.

"I can't imagine you being like that." Edward muttered amusedly to himself, shaking his head in disbelief. As I considered what he'd said, I wondered why it was I had changed so much and whether or not it was for the best. The obvious answer was yes; it really was a phase, I moved on, I grew up, but I'd lost bits of _me_ along the way. I swear to god I haven't always been this self-deprecating or boring. I'm so fucking boring, when the hell did that happen?

"I can't imagine me being like that either…" I frowned at the hands in my lap. Sad; I looked back on my own life like it was someone else's. Someone else who I had completely detached from myself. Even when I looked at it now it was like I was living someone else's life. _My_ life wasn't planned this way… If I'd told eighteen year old me that at twenty four I'd be single, working in a candy shop with not much to show for my life, living with my cat and impregnated by a divorced father of one, I would have probably freaked out that someone was claiming to be me from the future and then told 'me' to fuck off. And I probably had the guts back then to actually have those words come out of my mouth as such.

"My mom," Edward sighed after a small silence. I looked up to see him staring at our hands, his face once again returning to the troubled man state it was before, "She called me the other day at work. She's relapsed from her cancer. We thought the surgery she had two years ago pretty much cured her, at least I hoped it had, but apparently it's come back across a larger area than before, so… she has to go through treatment all over again. It's just really… stressing me out because I'm not there, I'm not even round the corner and it's like a five and a half hour plane journey from here to Seattle. And I have work, and Olivia, and you… but it's my mom.

"And it's cervical cancer she's got, so I feel ridiculous that I can't really talk to her about it like I'd want to because… well, you know." He twisted his mouth a little, turning my hands over in his, "She told me I could, last time she had it, that she'd just about lost all of her dignity anyway giving birth to me and then having cancer. But in my mind, as much as I absolutely adore my mother, thoughts of her and the word vagina should not be put into the same sentence. I suppose you could laugh but… it irritates me that I can't do anything. I don't even know what to say to her, I just worry." I sat quietly in my seat, letting him do whatever he pleased with my hands as he battled with his inner turmoil, thankfully allowing me in on most of it.

"So many people get through cancer, I know they do. But so many don't… I don't want _my_ mother to be another figure that didn't." He put my hands down on the centre compartment that separated the two of us, covering them both with his and squeezing just as he did with his eyes at the exact same moment, "Forgive me." He breathed out, opening his eyes to look at me. I loved and I hated when he gave me one of these 'looks'. His eyes are so green that when he looks with such intensity it's really beautiful, but I often forget to breath and that just isn't so pretty.

"I've been completely out of line with you, with everything. Despite what I was going through, I don't really see it as an excuse; I shouldn't have spoken to you like I did, I shouldn't have acted the way I did. I should have just told you… it's not that I don't trust you, because I do. It's just I knew if I told someone then it was real and we'd have to go through everything all over again. And when things fuck up… well, I do too. And I'm so sorry I wasn't at the appointment yesterday. I don't know what else to say because I should have been there and I wasn't. And… I'm so sorry."

Hearing him actual say that to me while I was awake made me feel completely different to how it had the night before. The night before I wasn't really paying attention and this morning it pissed me off that he wouldn't just suck it up and tell me to my face. And he just did and I felt like I could breathe out. Ignoring what he'd actually said, just the fact he said it… ok I bugged him about it, kind of, but fucking hell. I swear, the guy needed to be smacked around the head every now and then.

As he went to stare out of the windscreen, I leant over the centre compartment using my hands to prop me up as I nuzzled my nose into the crook of his neck, "Tu as très bête." _But you smell so fucking good, oh my god._ "Just tell me when something's up next time." He turned a little, shocked by my conduct as I frowned, resting my forehead beside his jaw. I had to pin my hair back behind my ear with my hand before I said anything else, "Mais je te pardonne."

"French?" Edward asked.

"Oui."

"Je ne comprend pas français…"

I looked up at him quizzically, "You don't understand? Learn. As if you can't speak French, I thought you could do everything?"

"Evidently not, I did Spanish. And anyway, I can't do everything, academics I can do; I'm pretty shit at most other things…" He shrugged his shoulders and I could see we were slowly digressing from the subject at hand.

"And, um, about your mom… well, do you know how serious it is? Is she having treatment? Do you need to… be there? Because you know I am definitely _not_ a reason for you to be here still if you want to go back to Forks to see her. And I'm sure your work would understand. And someone would be able to look after Olivia if needs be… she could even stay with me. I would definitely be willing to look after her myself. I mean, I don't know anything about cancer other than it's mutated cells, but I think you'll just have to let the doctors do their thing and support her through it and-"

"Bella-"

"-do whatever needs to be done. I'm sure she just needs those who care around… should I send her flowers? Is that too much? Would she even want flowers from me?"

Edward put both hands on each of my shoulders and held me away from his body, "_You_ don't have to do anything. Seriously I do enough worrying for everybody; please don't you start as well." I sat back in my chair, still frowning as I ran a hand through my hair.

"Sorry. I don't want to seem like I don't care but I'm not trying to come across as fake. It's just… it would be really nice if our son actually had at least one grandma… Oh, no wait… shit, um, I mean, yeah, uh. Not that I'm saying she's going to die…Because she's not! She's going to be fine! She'll be alive and cancer free I'm sure. Oh my god…" I always have been one with my words, apparently now was no different. I immediately clamped my hands over my mouth to stop the shit I was saying from coming out and causing any more of a mess. I thought that after my initial faux pas I would have just shut up, but I have a bad habit of digging myself further down, down, down.

My hands moved from my mouth to cover my whole face in shame. What the hell was I saying? Why didn't I just shut up?

I heard Edward sigh and then chuckle quietly to himself so I dared to peak through my fingers at him. He was beaming back at me like Jacob and Sam did when they were about to try tying me to a chair using sticky tape. It was this kind of smug smile that scared me because I couldn't tell if it was good or bad, "Our son." His grin got a little wider as he sat back in his seat, "We're having a boy."

I was a little dubious when I looked at him, sniffing as I mimicked his position and sat back into my seat as well, the both of us staring out of the front of car, totally ignorant to the passing cars and the odd person strolling by. My hand settled on the surface of my protruding belly almost automatically at the mention of 'baby'. I eventually sighed contently, "Yeah… we are. Pretty exciting, huh?"

"_Pretty_ exciting? I'm, like… it's pretty awesome, Bella. Pretty _awesome_."

---

Something was wrong.

I couldn't quite put my finger on what it was exactly but something just wasn't right. Like, maybe something wasn't where it should be or maybe this was the wrong apartment because it didn't feel like my home. Well it did, most things were how I'd left them, but something, _something_, was off. I must have sat on my sofa in my pyjamas with my cat for a good half hour trying to figure out what it was that was driving me insane.

For a while I thought it might have been the thin layer of dust that had collected from the work that had been done to my ceiling. So I went bat shit crazy with my duster. When looking around my apartment, to anyone that wasn't me, it looked homely. And by 'homely' I mean lived in. And by 'lived in' I mean messy. The thing is, it's organised mess. Numerous times I've tried to explain to Rose that everything has its place; if that place happens to be a pile on the floor then so be it, but that is where it belongs. So after putting the few things I'd taken to Edwards back in their designated area's I reassessed.

But something was still bothering me.

Hammy sauntered to me, tangling himself between my legs as I stood with my arms rested on my hips, "Do you know what's wrong?" I asked as I picked him up and frowned, looking around again. Nothing had been taken, very few things had been moved and yet I was completely thrown. No rest was to be had until this mystery was solved. And I was so thankful I figured it out since just the thoughts of not sleeping was making me tired. I don't know when living became such an effort but, Jesus, it really was.

Everything came into place when I went to kiss Hammy's head. He smelt of cat and loveliness with a hint of Edward's house and Olivia. I smelt the cat and then I sniffed the air. I then repeated the process with my eyes squinted and all became obvious, "It's the smell…" My apartment didn't smell of me anymore. It was a mix of damp and dust and old and bleh and shit. Not literal shit.

Of course, not five seconds after my discovery, I went about making amends. It was going to be hard, and unfortunately I was probably going to have to exert more physical effort than I would have liked, but it was half past two in the afternoon and I didn't really want to sleep until eight. I had time to kill and energy to waste.

First thing that came to mind: what the fuck _did_ my apartment smell like? Well, it was like, nothing but home... so I guess it smelt a bit like me. What the fuck did _I_ smell like? I smelt like… like my shampoo, I guess. So I had another shower and washed my hair again. That just made me smell nice, my apartment still smelt fucking weird.

Fail.

Seven o'clock came and went and I had completely immersed myself in getting my place to smell half normal again. During the process of which I discovered just how retarded I really am. I crossed boundaries even I thought weren't possible to cross. As soon as I started work towards some sort of normality I started contradicting myself. I was trying to make things normal and comfortable for myself. So in my efforts to be _normal_ I made cupcakes which I then spent and hour decorating with pink icing, frosting, sprinkles, glitter and all sorts. I just wanted the smell of cake but then I got carried away. I lit two cigarettes and ran through my apartment gagging until I was satisfied the smell was enough. I then opened every window I could to let it all out so there was only a lost memory hidden between fabrics.

I lit candles, I flicked through books, I fed Hammy, I pulled out a little picture I'd started at Edwards and worked on that just for the sake of acrylic paint. It really was only little. I'd attempted something bigger, it was still there, but I couldn't finish it right now, I was in a different state of mind completely. It would probably end up with a huge rainbow in the background with dancing ponies if I attempted to work on it _now_.

Then I let the last of the fleeting sun filter through the gaps of New York buildings, into the room where I stood. Edward said something once about me smelling like sunshine. I don't know what sunshine smells like or how he knew, but I did it anyway. I made myself the nicest looking hot chocolate I have ever made in my entire life – and it tasted just as good as it looked – and laughed to myself at how on the milk carton it says; '_May contain milk_'. No shit.

And then I sat. I don't know if I was just getting high off the fumes from the various aromas in the room, but I sat on my sofa, in August, with a cup of hot chocolate, my cat and I felt so fulfilled. I felt like telling someone that I'd been wanting to do everything I'd done in the past few hours for so long. Even though it wasn't true. Everything I'd done was completely on the spur of the moment. And I was done for today; mentally and physically.

I'd spent the past two days of the weekend sleeping and I just felt so much better. Edward helped me move things back which was annoying because I didn't realise I'd be going there and coming back with freebies. I had to free up space around my house which meant moving things in my organised clutter. This meant effort. This meant I automatically couldn't be bothered to do it. So I haven't, all my extra stuff is still in boxes. I have written where I want them on the boxes, it's a start.

We sorted things out in his car, I don't really now how, there was more sighing and holding of hands done than talking. He didn't bring up the _other_ thing he said and I definitely wasn't going to so it was forgotten. I thought I must have made it up but then as soon as we stepped out of the car it felt like someone had pumped the awkwardness back into the air. It was ok, it wasn't suffocating me, but I knew Edward was feeling it too and neither one of us was going to say anything. And neither one of us did.

Life went on.

Not really for me because I had been sleeping, but for everyone else it did. I had my hot chocolate in summer and Kanye West playing from my iPod and my baby boy fluttering around in my womb like crazy. My life was ok.

"If I were a cat, would you be friends with me?" Hammy sat staring blankly at me, "I think I could be like… your girlfriend or something. Do you have girlfriends?" his eyes seemingly narrowed. I took a sip from my chocolate, "You need to get out more. I'm just sayin'." As I peeked over at him from the rim of my cup, I'm pretty sure he was full on glaring hate daggers at me. His face said it all. _If you were a cat, Bella, we would not be friends or boyfriend and girlfriend. I am too cool for you. You scare the crap out of me with all the creepy shit you do. And no, I don't get out. I'm a house cat. You made me that way. Fucking idiot._

I missed this.

I missed the times with just Hammy. I missed not having anything to do. I missed the smells. I missed my things. I missed my view and my irritating neighbours. I missed Brooklyn.

But I missed Edward's house, Olivia, Meg, the food, the rooms, the house staff except _one_, the elevator, the dog. I missed the neighbours that would give me weird looks as I went in and out of the house, watching me like I was some sort of criminal or a squatter or something. And I missed Edward. I hadn't spoken to him at all over the weekend. I'd sent a text to say I was alive and he text back something like 'Good' with a smile. And a kiss. Or two. I sort of sighed about it at the time and pondered over whether or not I should just call him, but I then went back to hibernating.

I was still angry at him though… a tiny bit. It was harder than I thought to just forgive and forget, but I really was trying. He had his reasons but then I had mine. But I still missed being able to see him everyday, even if I was crying or angry and throwing books at him…

There was a knock at the door and I shot up from the sofa in my peppy, rejuvenated yet ever so slightly dejected state. Only the shooting up thing nearly got me knocked out. By my boobs. I was braless and torn; do I open the door like this and face sagginess, possible leakage and nipple erection? Or do I run for my life, save my dignity and my tits by going to put a bra on?

Oh the trials and tribulations in my life.

The decision was made subconsciously. Something about knowing someone's at the door automatically has me opening it. It's like a nervous twitch. But surely that was the idea. Knock, knock, _who's there?_ I used to do it a lot when I was home in Forks. It took Emmett a good year to cleanse his mind sufficiently of my naked image. It wasn't my fault; he knocked, I was just going to get in the shower but I was standing by the door, it was like a reflex. It wasn't my fault I forgot to pick up my towel. Doors are meant to be opened.

If I'm being honest, the person standing on the other side wasn't so unexpected. In truth, I hadn't invited anyone over so there was no reason for me not to be surprised, but it was nine o'clock on a Sunday evening, the last human contact I'd had was on Friday and other than that I'd sent two text messages, I knew _someone_ would be getting angsty about it.

"Hey." Edward, the one man angst brigade, anxious-so-you-don't-have-to-be since '81, "I, uh, was just passing through so I thought I might… say hi."

I leant against the door frame, using my arm support for my boobs, passing it off as affection towards my bump, "You don't pass through Brooklyn, Edward. Ever." My smirk got increasingly larger as he fidgeted for a moment eventually nodding his head in defeat and combing a hand through his dishevelled yet styled coif.

"No, I don't…" As his head was down, I noticed the very tips of his ears start to redden. I figured this must be Edwards substitute for blushing, I'd just never noticed before but it was pretty cute. "Ok, I just wanted to see you were alright because-"

I rolled my eyes dramatically, finishing his sentence, "I only text you once over the _whole_ weekend and you didn't want to invade my own time and space, and you didn't want to seem too overpowering by calling and texting every five minutes like an _anxious freak_, but you were about to piss your pants so you found an excuse to wind up here anyway?"

He smiled shyly, much like a little boy who was apprehensive about getting too close in case he caught cooties from me, "I do actually have something to give you."

"But you do actually have something to give me." I repeated in a mumble to myself, laughing as I pushed the door further open to allow him in. Digging his hands into his pockets he ambled into the apartment, nodding in the direction of my cat before stopping, looking around and smiling widely yet utterly confused, "What?" I asked after I'd shut the door, looking at him and then around the room.

"Nothing, it's just… your apartment smells like you. But to the extreme. The good extreme but… yeah." I took a whiff myself but I couldn't smell anything, so I turned my head away from Edward and did it again. Like earlier with my cat, I then repeated this process before standing with my head tilted to the side, completely befuddled.

"Uh, this sounds really weird but… can you just, um, kind of, walk around my apartment? Like, everywhere. Please?" For a moment he looked at me like I needed to be sectioned. For a moment I thought I might need to be sectioned. But then I remembered I was pregnant and that just explained _everything_. So Edward walked around, laughing and shaking his head, occasionally making strange comments about items I had strategically placed. Once he'd done his tour of la maison de Bella, he came and stood in front of me, grinning at me like… something that's really damn smiley, that's what.

"Am I done?" I rolled my eyes again, following the exact same course he had just done, sniffing the air everywhere I went.

"It's you!" I gasped from my bedroom, walking back out into the living area where Edward was seated. He looked back over the sofa with a quirked eyebrow, "My apartment smelt of damp so I tried to get it to smell normal again, and I thought I did but there was something missing."

"Oh… well what does it smell like now?" I smelt the air again and if I was wearing a damn bra I might have thrown my hands in the air and sang _hallelujah praise the Lord._

"Nothing. It smells of nothing. It just smells like home. Like me I guess. But apparently you were the missing smell. Just a hint of you… and ok, I know I sound crazy but I have a really sensitive nose right now, ok." He walked around the back of the sofa to lean against it, facing me.

"Well, I can smell sunshine."

I snorted as I went to lean on the back of the sofa next to him, "How do you even know what sunshine smells like?"

He was indifferent for a moment until he shrugged and muttered under his breath though I heard him say, "It smells like you." I felt all giddy and stupid despite the fact I thought it was weird that of all the _nice _things I could have smelt like, he chose sunshine. Now that's fine and all, it's just when I think sun, I think great ball of fire and that reminds me of this Peri-Peri sauce I once had that made me cry and choke and die. I do not smell like that sauce.

So, in my generally merry and non-hating Edward state, I nudged his arm. And he nudged me back. Except when he nudged me, my tits went awol which proved to be a little too distracting for Mr Cullen. He was just blatantly staring at them until it was too much to not say anything about my obvious lack of a supporting bra, "… Are you wearing-?"

"Hey!" I snapped my fingers at him, "Hi, my face, it's up here." I widened my eyes waiting for Edwards to meet them. And they did, for a second but then he started grinning again, and I could see the only reason he was looking at me was so he didn't gawp at my boobs. And I would have let him stare for as long as he wished, hell I would have let the man cop a feel all he wished, but I secretly quite enjoyed pretending I was pissed off when I would have happily cut them off and served them to him on a silver platter. Fuck that, make it platinum. With diamonds encrusted.

Fuck it. He owns me. How, why, when did this happen?

Unsurprisingly his eyes began to drift and but despite my faux irritation, I was still completely comfortable with a person staring at my boobs. More importantly, a _man _staring at my boobs. More importantly, _Edward Cullen_, in my apartment, looking fuckhot, shamelessly staring at my boobs and knowing full well that underneath my clothes… I was naked.

Technically so was he, but me even more so.

All he had to do was push the strap of my tank top down, then the other…

"Ok, I'm sorry, I'm just messing with you. But in all seriousness… shit. They're… _bigger_." In all seriousness, when did I become comfortable with this? I definitely wasn't complaining but I didn't want to vomit from embarrassment or slit my wrists or hide in a closet or anything. When did this become ok? I was so nearly tempted to put his hands on them myself so we could just get over the fact my boobs were huge and weird and I wasn't wearing a bra because apparently I thought we were still in the nineties.

I pouted at him until his eyes drifted up to mine and I couldn't help but laugh because my boobs were brought up in conversations _too _often. Which I wasn't used to at all. I was happily living my life prior to this pregnancy with mosquito bites being passed off as breasts. Yeah. These babies were opening my eyes to a whole new world, a world where bras actually looked like they were holding something and I could wear clothes I just _couldn't_ before due to lack of cleavage. They had their down sides though; like how they were really fucking heavy, as if I wasn't carrying enough already.

But I had his attention again and that was nice. We laughed again at the fact we now both wanted to look down at my chest. But then the laughter subdued.

And then we had a moment, sometime during which I decided I had forgiven and forgotten. I didn't have time to hold grudges over silly things. Plus I wanted to kiss the hell out him and then have sex. I'm not sure which order I wanted it though. Penis or lips? Lips or penis? Damn, I wanted them both at the same time. That was completely doable.

I loved our 'moments'; it felt like forever since we last had one. I missed the moments where I looked at him and I couldn't breathe, I just stared, gazed in wonderment, quietly thanking God for such a creation. The moment where I'd bite my lip and he'd sort of smile at me with his eyes as well as his mouth. I used to have blue eyes, they only turned brown because I met Edward and his green just burnt my eyes out completely.

He always looked at me like he saw so much more to me than just my face, or my burnt out eyes and strangely jiggly breasts. I wanted to be in his mind and I didn't. I liked to think of myself as a mystery; I didn't know how I worked so I didn't see why he should. I liked to think that he looked deeper because he wanted more; he wanted to 'figure me out'. If I got into his mind and found that actually he was staring at a spot or a patch of dandruff, I'd feel stupid.

Because I did that to him. All the time.

I looked deeper because I wanted more. It was all part of the 'I'm falling for you' thing. I never realised how true my words were until, well, now. Like an avalanche, it just came crashing down on me, or like someone had pushed me off of a cliff without warning and just left me to fall. I couldn't tell if I'd reached the bottom yet or not. I didn't know what the bottom felt like; was it rocky or was it soft and bouncy? Would it feel nice or would it hurt?

"Um…so, uh, what did you want to give me?" I almost whispered, completely lost for breath. I wanted him to say 'a kiss' or 'a good fucking'. He said neither. I was disappointed.

He seemed distracted but then snapped back into reality and frowned, "Oh…" from the inside pocket of his jacket he pulled out tickets and handed them to me, "They came a couple days ago, but…" I read over the ticket as Edward pointed to the date, "They're for tomorrow. I know it's really short notice but I know you wanted to go. If you want to change the dates that's fine, just tell me and I'll sort it." I looked over the tickets in my hand and then up at Edward.

And then I ran out of thoughts.

Still reading over the same information on the pieces of card I held in my hands, I stood straight meandering to the kitchen, more specifically to the fridge where I found a free magnet and stuck the tickets to the door. Almost silently, I turned on my heel and walked back to Edward. Instead of taking my spot next to him, leaning against the backboard of the sofa, I moved to stand in between his legs, taking a finger and slowly, softly dragging it up from under his chin, "Je tu pardonne. You know what that means? It means I forgive you, Edward. You don't have to-"

"I'm not doing this for your forgiveness. I just…" he took my hand from under his chin looking at me seriously, "I guess I just want you to be happy."

I inhaled sharply, closing the gap so that when I spoke my lips brushed over his softly, "Maybe I just want you to be happy, Edward. Because you're not and I won't be until you are. Properly, I mean." I kissed him chastely, going back again for more because I was greedy and deprived and fat, "If I had enough of my own, I'd share it with you, you know." I kissed him again, this time longer, closer, deeper, better. Hands began running up my sides and my skin almost screamed with glee at the contact that had it up in prickles. He dragged them down again, over my shorts, his skin on the skin on my legs.

"You shouldn't." he whispered against my lips, kissing the corner of my mouth, my jaw, my neck, "I'd probably fuck it up." He breathed onto my skin; all the little hairs reacting instantaneously, covering me in a flush of goose bumps. The shiver that followed was weird and warming and I wasn't even listening to what he was saying anymore.

"You wouldn't." I said breathlessly as he stood and I was forced to move back a bit but I soon found my hands on his face again, caressing him as I planted small kisses everywhere I could, "You wouldn't, I'd give you bits at a time. You wouldn't have enough at once to mess it up. Not that you would, even if you tried. You can't mess up happiness, you just forget about it for a little while."

"It's good when you remember, though." Trying to subtly edge us to my bedroom really wasn't working so well for me. I'd set about moving and then he'd kiss me and I'd forget what the hell it was I was doing. His mouth covered mine. His tongue gently stroked and probed the inside of my mouth and I responded in turn until we finally found a wall and broke away. A wall meant we were moving albeit in some lust filled twirl.

"It's _so_ good when you remember." I agreed because I was remembering and I actually rather liked happiness. Last time I checked, sex and happiness had a direct link. I liked happiness, I liked sex, and it was painfully obvious what needed to be done here. Me. I needed to be 'done' or so help me God I would literally break into a thousand pieces. "I know what makes you happy. You told me."

His hands were everywhere I wanted them to be and yet nowhere near where I needed them.

It wasn't until fingers slipped up my legs, into my shorts and started fiddling with the hem of my underwear that I was forced to take major action. My chest was already rising and falling totally erratically and this was before the undressing, "Edward…" I breathed as he began his attack on my neck, "I want you." The hand he had in my shorts rubbed over my delicate area and I all but yelped, "_Really_ badly," I squeaked amazed I was still standing, "but it's taken me forever to get this smell in here. I don't want it smelling of sex, so… please..."

Pulling away slightly, removing his hand, he raised an eyebrow at me, "Who said I was going to sleep with you? I just came to give you those tickets..." He teased and then glanced into the kitchen, "Oh and I want one of those cupcakes. Don't think they escaped my notice."

His smile was wicked and sexy and I really wanted to lick his face.

"Me, I said so. Right now I think I'll rape or at least dry hump you if you don't. And I can't believe I'm saying this _to you_ but you've built me up now and I'm pregnant and my hormones and… fucking hell, seriously." Taking my hand he snickered then started leading me into my bedroom where he had me stripped to my knickers and on my bed in literally seconds. I don't know why he was looking smug about not having to undo my bra; I was the one who decided not to put it on in the first place.

We were all hands and kisses, licks and nips, and it felt like I hadn't been touched in years. Everything seemed heightened; his arm brushed over one of my nipples when he kissed me and I swear down, I could have cum right then and there. I didn't know if it was yet another thing I could class as a 'pregnancy thing' or whether it was just an Edward thing. I felt a little pathetic that if for some reason this came to an end before the muffin was thoroughly buttered, I would probably die. I felt like I would. I'd have to do it myself and… well it was just better when I had someone else to.

Edward needed this as much as I did. I for one knew that the last time he'd got some was when he got some from me, nearly two months ago. I could feel how much he needed this in the way he ran his hands over my curves, in the way he left me breathless and groaning from just touching.

While he kissed his way down the entirety of my body; my face, my neck, my tits, my bump and so on, I remembered I never did make it to Google so I didn't know whether there was anything I should know before we… continued. We had had sex before while I was pregnant, but I couldn't help but feel this was different. My medical health was ever so slightly different, I didn't know if that changed things.

I sat up, startling him a little as I looked over the room for my laptop. He sighed and followed my eyes watching me closely as I spotted it, leant across my bed to open it on the bedside table and go straight to one of my bookmarked pregnancy pages online. "…What are you doing?"

"Just checking… something…" I murmured, scanning the page I was on, "Would you say I'm having a 'normal pregnancy' or would you class me as high-risk?"

Edward went from holding himself over me to sitting back on his heels considering my question, "Uh… well your doctor hasn't specifically said you're high-risk. I mean, you're at risk of things, but at the moment I think you're ok… what do you think? Are you feeling ok?"

"I feel great." I closed the laptop and retracted into my original position lying on the bed, "I don't think I'm 'high-risk' as such, at the moment anyway. But if anything starts hurting or bleeding or leaking or I die, then we should probably stop." He sighed and for a millisecond I thought he was going to say we should just stop now, just to be safe. I wanted to be safe, I wanted my baby to be safe, but I think I was at a higher risk of dying of some serious sexual frustration that I think had been secretly building for a while now, than anything pregnancy related.

After looking at me seriously, Edward rolled his eyes, "I think you're fine. We've done this before, so…" He crawled over me so I was once again caged to the bed, "But we can stop now… if you want?" As he said this, his hand moved from the bed to cup one of my breasts, gently rolling his thumb over my now hard nipple. I gasped and arched my back a little, pushing myself further into his hand.

There was some truth in those romance novels I had once shunned as ridiculous and totally unrealistic. They made claim that just one touch from the right man in any spot could have an immediate effect on your nether regions. I'm pretty sure I read something like '_He touched my ear and I couldn't help the waves of ecstasy that began to drown me, again and again'_ once – how the fuck does someone have an orgasm from having their ear touched? If Edward was to touch my ear, I'm not sure I'd orgasm but I'd probably be pretty damn close. He _was_ that man they were talking about; there was a swimming pool in my panties.

"Don't stop…" I said breathlessly, "Please, don't stop."

"I don't want to." His voice was low and laced with lust and I-want-to-fuck-Isabella-Swan-ness, "So don't let me." My chest heaved as his other hand began toying with my pink underwear, finally slipping in. As his fingers tickled my clit I let out a moan of satisfaction, bringing up my knees and spreading my legs so he had better access.

"Don't… tease me." I breathed. Though he was staring into my eyes and neither one could actually see what he was doing, we were both well aware of his plans.

"I don't need to," he slid a finger into me and I groaned again my hips thrusting upwards, "You're so wet already." I bit my lip as he dragged his finger out only to add another and slid them back in.

"Oh god… Edward… I want _you_ inside me, please." With each thrust of his fingers jolts of electricity began to gather in what felt like the pit of my stomach. Each time a little more electric, each time eliciting a long moan from my lips. He moved his body down me, stopping his ministrations only for a second while he removed my very damp panties and then started up again, watching his fingers, curving them upwards slightly and then working faster.

I sat up gasping and fisting the sheets with one hand while I grabbed Edward's wrist with the other, "Shit… Edward, I'm gonna cum…" as soon as I let the words spill from my mouth I felt my walls clench around his fingers and then go into spasm. My head fell back as he continued to thrust, drawing out my orgasm as long as he could. And it felt so fucking good and this was just his fingers. I shook and whined and tightened my grip on his wrist although not to make him stop. He had his other hand holding my waist, supporting me while I sighed and breathed heavily. I dropped my head forward, the ends of my hair tickling my breasts as I rode out the rest of what I can only describe as _fucking awesomeness._

"I said don't tease me." I pouted having finally returned to some normality. The smile on his face made me stop in my tracks though; it was the one where it was pulled up at one corner, the one that made me wet instantly, now being no exception. I swallowed thickly as his hand disappeared into his boxers, gently stroking his erection while he moved forward to kiss me again.

Both of my hands almost immediately on his face, caressing him, feeling him, tasting him like I never had before. I felt like I was drunk from his touch and high from his smell that permeated my nostrils. It was all him, all Edward. Edward and his freakin' magical hands, and skin, and face, and hair, and body and penis. I've never really been religious but he made me want to go to church to repent for my thoughts directed at him, but also to thank the Almighty for the heavenly goods he'd been blessed with.

So I almost cried when he was kneeling between my legs in all of his godly glory.

My eyes watched his hand as it glided up and down his dick, biting my lip in anticipation, "If anything isn't right just tell me, ok?"

I scooted forward a little, sighing and rolling my eyes as he positioned himself at my entrance, "Edward, I'm not a baby. I _will_ tell you." I laid back, my arms wrapped around the back of his neck, pulling him down with me, "I want you." We kissed, our tongues intertwined at the same time he pushed himself into me, both of us groaning into the others mouth, and we were literally one in all senses of the word.

He moved within me like he was made to be there. Like Edward's penis and Bella's vagina was supposed to be followed by 'duh' because it was just so damn obvious they belonged together. He just hit every spot right on time, right where I wanted it, just how I wanted it. He was a freakin' perfectionist and I loved it.

"Fuck," he grunted, "you feel so fucking good." His hips rolled as he penetrated me completely, keeping to a steady tempo. It didn't take me long to meet it, grinding myself against him as best I could so he hissed and spat expletives. And so did I; if he didn't know already, I became very vocal during sex.

Mainly moans and his name then a few whines, curses, more of his name. _Edward. Everything was just Edward._

I came three times, gasping his name, clawing my hands down his back while he continued to pound into me, groaning and grunting while placing thoughtful kisses on my skin before any kind of end was in sight. "You're so beautiful, you know." He murmured breathlessly into my ear as I held his body to mine, "I don't think I tell you enough, but I think you're beautiful."

I stroked the side of his face, although slightly damp with sweat, I didn't care; I just wanted to look at his face. We watched each other intently as he sped up, driving deeper into me and making it _very_ hard to keep my eyes open and on him. My mouth dropped open as I uttered a small, "Oh fuck… I'm coming again… oh… god… Edward… yes…" My breath quickened matching his until it synchronized his plunges. I had so many feelings coursing through me I couldn't even think properly as I gasped and thrashed and pushed my hips as far into him as they would go.

"Keep… going… oh my… god…" my panting only exaggerated my words as they got louder. Edwards face scrunched up in concentration as he sat back on his heels, pulling my hips up to his groin where we merged into one sweaty, heavenly blur and then he finished me off.

I snapped. I stopped breathing. I cried out. My entire body jolted, over and over. I saw stars and ponies and fluffy clouds and shit. I think he broke my bed as well…

Although lost in bliss and unable to feel much but the waves that rippled through my body continuously, I knew he was at his end too. I could see it in his face, it killed me to keep my eyes open because I was on such a high it was ridiculous, but I did. I could tell by his speed, he'd got impossibly faster and then finally his dick twitched as I continued to spasm around him, he grunted loudly, calling out my name followed by 'fuck' as he emptied himself inside me followed by more grunting.

I loved the grunting, it was so fucking hot. I would have tried to elicit more but I was spent and really sweaty already.

"Bella…" he sighed as he let his forehead fall against mine. We both panted in unison as we stared into each others eyes, all sweaty and gross and yet totally blissful and good, "I needed that." he laughed breathlessly.

I smiled loving the feel of him still inside me and his skin pressed against me, albeit sticky, "I needed you." His lips met with mine as he pressed gentle kisses to them, brushing back my crazed hair that stuck to my face. While I stroked my hand delicately through his bronzed now-thoroughly-sexed hair, he nuzzled himself in the crook of my neck breathing out cool air onto my otherwise warm and flushed skin.

And then he said it.

Again.

And I was most definitely awake and not imagining things. He said it. I heard the words. It wasn't the TV, or the radio, everything was turned off. You could only hear New York sounds and they were distant, muffled noises. These were pronounced words. _I love you_.

I didn't know what the fuck to do or say. That was a pretty damn big thing to be declaring, especially for Edward. He'd been through love and the suffered the loss of it before, so for him to say that, for him to say that _to me_ was kind of a big thing. But I hadn't been through it. I didn't know what it was I was looking for, what I was supposed to feel like, what I was supposed to say...

I'm pretty sure he felt my tension because he sighed. Although he turned his head to the side, his cheek was still pressed against my skin, "You don't have to say anything back… you don't even have to think the same thing. But I wanted you to know because I want to be honest with you. So, I'm sorry if I've upset you or anything but… that's all."

I nodded, unable to literally say anything. Instead I rested my head on top of his and placed a kiss within his hair. I couldn't say it back. Not right now anyway, I could, however, hold him for a little while longer and offer him some very nicely decorated cupcakes. It wasn't much but it was all I had. I'd say that made up for my heart fail; even if I couldn't give it to him directly, I could let him have a taster because that's the secret ingredient in cupcakes. Love.

**So we had 7 chapters of nothing, so I put in something. There's a link to what Bella's wearing pj-wise on my profile. I have little to say, I just want to know what you thought. So drop a review and hola to all the new readers, nice to have you onboard. Totally random- does anyone watch Glee? I've just started watching it online, it definitely has its moments, but eh. I need a good series to get into watching again, everything good has finished. Aside from Gossip Girl…**

**Review, pm me, anything will do. Also, I want to know what people thought of New Moon if you've seen it. Is it too early to count down to Eclipse? LOL.**

**You know you love me, XOXO**

**P.S. Is there anyone else out there with a ridiculous girl crush on Kristen Stewart despite being straight? I just want to know I'm not alone…**


	23. Miles Away

**Good to see the love out there for Kristen, woo. And I think everyone who reviewed and mentioned New Moon enjoyed it, which is definitely good. I'm sorry I didn't reply to reviews, I really wanted to but I got distracted and then had no time yadah yadah you get the gist… This chapter took me too long to write, I'm trying to update once a week but every now and then I go a bit awol. This has been one of those weeks. I also stupidly managed to delete over a thousand words from the middle and didn't realise until I sent it to Julia. Of course, by then it was too late and the work was lost. I had my moment of depression and then got back to writing. Sigh. Honestly, how Julia even copes with my temper tantrums is beyond me. Merci beaucoup, ma chere (thank you for correcting my french murmure etoile :P in my defence, it was only minor haha, but still, merci)  
**

**Thank you all for everything. Knowing people read your shit is a pretty damn awesome feeling you know.**

**Song: Miles Away- **Madonna

**EPOV**

"And you're sure you have your passport?"

"Edward, I have everything I need. Medication, tickets, passport, phone, candy, book, iPod, I have them all in this bag and I'm not going to lose them and I know where I'm going. I'm going to be fine, seriously. I'm going for a week. I'm only six hours away." Only six hours. _Only six hours_. She needn't get me started on the amount of things that could occur in six hours, problems, difficulties, plane crashes, car accidents…

"You've got my work cell phone number, right? And the company number?" Looking back at the dwindling queue for check-in and then at her watch, Bella rolled her eyes exasperatedly.

"Yeah, yeah, I have it. Edward, I gotta go or I'm not going to get on this flight." I sighed slipping my hands into my pockets, watching her as she pulled up the handle to her suitcase and then smiled at me, "You're ridiculous, you know. You're worse than a woman. And stop looking at me like you're some lost puppy, get a grip man!" I rolled my eyes and smiled at my shoes. I wasn't worse than a woman, I just worried about things. A lot of things…

The airport was busier than I thought it would be, but then most people were on summer vacation which explained the vast amount of screeching children. I'd driven Bella here myself; I was already at her apartment so it made sense and I wanted to say goodbye. Plus, I couldn't let her leave the state without going through some sort of checklist. She forgot things, I rarely did.

After riffling through her bag for her ticket and passport, waving it at me just so I got the message, she put both hands on each side of my face, twisting her mouth to the side and sighed, "Edward, ok, I'm going to Forks. Remember Forks? The worst thing that can happen is me being molested by a squirrel, and to be honest I think they have better things to do. I am going to be fine, you however…" she smirked, pulling a piece of fluff from my chin and flicking it away.

"You need to stop worrying so much; you'll forget I'm even gone by the time Tanya gets here. You'll be having _so_ much fun with Hammy anyway." _So funny, Bella. _I think she knew I didn't like cats, yet I still offered myself up to her to look after her damn cat. The plan was to actually let Olivia do whatever she did with her pets but then I remembered she wouldn't really be in the house.

So, I would definitely not be having any fun at all. The thought of Tanya being in my house in a matter of hours was irritating enough. Still, I laughed and shook my head simply because it was Bella, and she was her eyebrows suggestively at me. I don't know if she meant it to be cute or what, but she just looked like she was having some sort of eyebrow spasm

"Ok. I'm going to let you go because you will miss your flight." There was a lock of hair that seemed out of place from the rest so I stroked a hand through it, playing with the end while she took out her passport and plane tickets.

"I'll call you when I get there, I promise, so don't fret."

"I'll try not to." But I would. I'd worry until I knew she was safe on the ground in Seattle. And then I'd still worry, just probably a little less. I'm not in denial here or anything, I get worried over nothing; I have anxiety problems. Luckily attacks are a rarity thanks to medication and therapy when I was a kid, because that shit got tiring after five seconds.

"You'll be fine with your dad, so don't worry about that."

She groaned exasperatedly, "I hope so… and don't let Tanya get to you. I don't know her so I don't know what she's like but… yeah." I snorted, rolling my eyes when she kissed me. Albeit chastely and I tried to keep a hold of her for longer than she intended, snaking my arm around her waist causing her to smile against my lips as she tried to wiggle out of my grip.

"A second, just give me a second." I reasoned, raising my chin and pressing my lips gently to her forehead.

"Edward…" she said quietly into my chest, "Let me go. It's just a week… not even that. Five days, _five_."

I sighed dramatically, reluctantly loosening my hold on her, "I don't know why I feel so attached to you. You're like a pet or something. A little, fluffy, cute… thing." Patting her head patronisingly, I gestured for her to take up her suitcase again which she did, glaring at me with narrowed eyes. I must have been one sick and twisted man if I thoroughly enjoyed fucking my pet, but then it really depended on what kind of 'pet' we were talking about here…

"I hate you." She muttered while I continued in my thoughts.

Because if she were one of those dom and sub 'pets' I would not be complaining. Not that I'm into that kind of thing… but then again I'm not against it. Bella in a collar would be hot. Bella in a collar, waiting for me, on all fours, on a table would be fucking… wow.

My smile was sinful along with my thoughts, "Well I don't hate you."

_As a matter of fact, I happen to have really fucking deep emotions towards you that I shall just pass off as 'love' because that's the simplest way I can put it. It's more than that. I just don't want to scare you. In reality, I hate you so much because you're perfect for me, in every way. You're everything I want and I don't know when this happened, but I need you. Physically, mentally, I am in need of you. Your scent, your voice, your looks, your being. I need you to be mine for as long as I can have you. And yet I manage to screw you over…_

The faintest tinge of pink rose to the surface of her cheeks and I could see by her face she was trying her damn hardest not to smile. Me, I was just grinning at her like some love struck idiot, "Goodbye, Edward." She said finally, shaking her head and wheeling her little case away. I stood with my hands in my pockets, fiddling with the keys I had in one, watching as she went to check in.

It wasn't that I was some kind of dependent fool, I worried for her safety but I knew she wanted to go and I was the one who got her the bloody tickets. Still, I didn't want her to leave.

Like, fuck, I'd never been like this with anyone, not even the woman I married. I just wanted Bella here for company. The probability of Tanya royally fucking me off during the next five days was high and I wanted Bella as the person I could rant to after, although I don't rant, I sulk and she takes the piss but I smile because it's her.

Saying that, she needed to go to Forks. I think she just needed to 'find herself' or whatever it was she was on a quest for. I didn't mock her for it; I probably should have been doing the same thing but she'd thought it through and found a starting point. I just hung around, went to work, played daddy and never really thought about myself much at all. I didn't really know what it was I was striving for, my promotion? Perfection? Happiness?

"Be safe." I called over to her making her smile and roll her eyes for the millionth time.

"Hakuna Matata." She retaliated, blowing a kiss toward me and laughing to herself. I absently caught it in the air and stuffed it into my pocket just for cliché's sake. I didn't understand what the hell she was talking about saying 'Hakuna Matata'. I'm pretty sure that that was some quote from a Disney film but I couldn't remember which one or what the hell it meant.

Had I not been glaring at the guy who had caught her attention, I would have asked her. He was staring at her chest more than his pre-pubescent eyes should have been. So much so, he should have seen why her tits were so voluptuous and that it was obviously linked to the rounding of her stomach. And that wasn't just a little-too-many-pies rounding, that was a hey-dickhead-stop-trying-to-strip-me-with-your-eyes-my-tits-are-out-of-bounds-for-you-and-I'm-pregnant rounding. What kind of fucker was this guy anyway? If anyone was allowed to undress her with their eyes it would be me.

Why the hell was she wearing a top so low cut? It wasn't even _that_ low cut, it's just pregnancy really agreed with her breasts apparently. No, not apparently; they did. I know. I was playing with those bad boys all night.

He had really bad blonde highlights in his nearly black hair. He looked like a douche with his duffle bag haphazardly thrown over his shoulder, a pair of converse high tops and skinny jeans and I'm-so-fucking-cool-they-call-me-'The Freezer' attitude. And I was just stood there like a complete moron, watching her across the airport, laughing and smiling at this random _kid. _Dammit.

There were other things I should have been worrying about; what Tanya's itinerary was for herself and Olivia, how this whole week was going to work out, my mothers state of health, but instead I was getting worked up over some kid talking to Bella. People talked to her every day, it's a free world, freedom of speech and all that.

But right now I wanted to smash his smug little face in.

So I sent her a text, just so I knew I could hold her attention for a second or two longer. Obviously, this idea worked like a charm and I could see her look at her phone despite how far away from me she was, read it, smile and then look over in my general direction, totally ignoring her new 'friend' even if for a second. That was enough for me. That was me staking my claim. _She's mine, cocksucker. Back off._

When my phone buzzed just moments later, I half expected to see Bella's name on the screen, however it was Alice saying: _You might want to get home. The Wicked Witch is back from the West._

It really didn't take me long to figure out what she was talking about and seeing that Bella had disappeared completely, I scowled at my phone, sliding it back into my pocket and trudged back to my car, mentally kicking myself in the balls for ever buying those tickets for Bella to go away _this_ week.

---

I stood in the entrance hall of my own house, cat cage in hand, car keys dangling from my finger, watching two of _my_ house staff being bundled with bags and other random crap from a cab outside. The only reason I hadn't yet told them to put it down and stop was because I was so confused myself as to what the fuck was going on.

Alice marched down the stairs, throwing her hands in the air with a harsh scowl on her face, "I would totally understand if you got wasted and happened to be in Vegas at the time of marriage, but how the hell did you reproduce with that _cow_? She's been here for five minutes and honestly I'd rather be subject to Pamela Anderson in Vivienne Westwood's new collection than having to stand another second near her." She stood at the bottom of the stairs, fists clenched into balls and eyes shut as she tried to compose herself.

In her usual uniform of a LBD, her hair short with a slight curl to it and her blackberry in its usual place - glued to her hand - Alice glared at me, "Get her out of the house or so God help me, I'm going into the kitchen for a coffee but don't be surprised if I come out with a knife."

It was slightly worrying that I was already beginning to think what a blessing it was that all the walls in this house were really hard; some even open brick, perfect for walloping my head into. My thoughts only turned more hazardous when I could see her, the cause of all Alice's irritation, at the top of the stairs, in my house. It was weird seeing her here again; she didn't belong anymore, we'd gone nearly a year of not seeing each other at all, and now she was back and coming down my stairs. Not _our _stairs, _my_ stairs.

And she looked… good. Honestly, she looked great; attractive, orderly, _sober_. Still, she was unwelcome.

"What are you doing?" I asked exasperatedly as her shoe made contact with the marble floor. She smiled widely at me, her eyes sparkly and her face all glowing. It was rather eerie but I ignored it for the time being seeing as her presence really did just tick me the wrong way.

"Well," she began in a cheery manner, stroking her fair hair to one side, "I thought it would be easier if-"

"If you stayed here? I don't think so." I shook my head whilst looking at her immaculately clean heels, "I don't want you staying in my house." When I looked back up to her, still frowning, I was expecting her to say something spiteful and nasty but instead she smiled again a little ruefully this time and nodded.

"Ok." I stood and watched her carefully as she went to walk towards her luggage but instead stopped and twirled around, her smile just a faded memory.

"Look, Edward, Irina told my father I had a… problem last year, I've been cut off since then and I guess it didn't really matter because I had you. But I don't have a job or my father's money. I have what I got from the divorce but that isn't an income. My father said if I sort myself out then he'll talk to me again… and I did what you said, I'm getting help. I'm going to rehab next week, properly, out of choice. But I'm sober right now; I haven't touched alcohol in over a month. If you really want me to go, I can, it just makes sense. It seems a waste to find a decent hotel when there are guest rooms and Olivia _lives here."_

_Poor little rich girl. An alcoholic, divorcee and now no longer part of daddy's trust fund. Life can be so cruel._

I was convinced she was sober, however. This was the closest to 'normal' I'd seen Tanya in years and that was somewhat disturbing. She was playing the 'make Edward feel bad card'. It was fucking working too, I'm such a pussy. Even to her. So after I stopped sighing and thought about it, it didn't seem like such a terrible idea. If they were still staying here it meant I could keep a closer eye on the both of them, probably leading to more stress for Alice, but overall less stress for me.

But at the same time she was my ex-wife, and something about the 'ex' that came before the 'wife' made me feel like it was wrong to have her in the house again. Sure, plenty of people remain good friends with their ex-partners; even invite them to their weddings and baby showers, but the majority basically cut as much of them out of their lives as possible. People don't divorce each other just for the fun of it, just because they fancied 'a break'. When I told Tanya I wanted a divorce I meant 'this is over'.

_We're over_. There's nothing left anymore. End. Finito.

_I don't love you anymore_.

For me, that was a hard concept to grasp, not loving her anymore. To begin with I was in denial; I convinced myself I was just angry at her, that my judgement had been clouded by irritation toward the amount of time she spent with her drink, and the lack of time she spent with her family.

It was the drink that ruined her for me. Or at least, it was the drink that made me realise I didn't love her anymore. The woman I had devoted myself to since I was eighteen no longer held my heart. I didn't crave her touch, her kiss, her company, her smile. I came home from work and realised I had actually come to despise the person she'd become. Turning to other females for sources of comfort when Tanya lacked.

I even began disliking the man I'd become because of her. The man who was beginning to become a bit of a flirt and didn't always go away on business trips when he said he was, the guy who sat in his office to finish the last bit of work, despite the fact it didn't need to be dealt with until the following month. Yes, I am somewhat of a perfectionist, but one of the main reasons I sat until ridiculous times in the morning, on the odd occasion even sleeping in the office, was because I didn't want to go home. I didn't want to prise my wife away from a bottle of whiskey, I didn't want to stay up to check she hadn't choked on her own vomit or her heart had stopped working.

Unfortunately, mine had stopped working a while ago. This decline only increased over the years, Olivia got older, Tanya got worse. Eventually I just didn't want her be near her anymore.

My anxiety came back because I didn't know if she was safe being left alone in the house, I didn't know if Olivia was safe being left in the house _with_ her. I had work to be doing, a life to be living and she was really stunting my movement. I was just miserable, stuck in this vicious circle with her, going nowhere. So I had to end it, I owed it to Olivia and to myself. She was out of my control and I didn't want to be responsible for her anymore.

It sounds harsh that I wanted to shake off someone so easily, especially someone I'd loved. But I no longer _knew_ the woman I saw in my house everyday, in my kitchen, sleeping in my bed. She was a stranger, an acquaintance at most, and not a pleasant one.

"You are aware your presence in the house may give the wrong impression to Olivia." I stated, thinking seriously about letting her stay. It was a big house, it was unlikely I'd run into her every five seconds. Plus if she was staying here I'd know exactly where and how they were at all times. It sure as hell would save me a lot of worrying.

She rolled her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest, "I think she knows we're not together any more, Edward. We all get it. If she really gets the wrong idea I'll discourage her, but it's unlikely."

"I don't know." I frowned.

"We won't even be around, well you won't see me anyway. We'll be out most of the time and you work… I just want to spend time with my daughter because I haven't done in too long." _And whose fault is that?_

Almost on cue, as if she was in on the scheming against me, using some kind of emotional blackmail, Olivia came skipping down the stairs with her rapidly growing puppy in tow. As soon as she reached the bottom, she pounced on Tanya, hugging her tightly around the waist, "Is mommy staying here instead of a hotel, daddy?"

I sighed, weighing the things _for_ letting her stay higher than those _against_. Dammit. I sighed, defeated, "Yeah, she is for this week anyway. Uh," I scratched my head with my free hand, placing the cage I was holding down on the floor, "The guestroom down the hall from Olivia's should be ok for you."

Tanya knelt down to stroke Kitty who looked as if she might piss herself due to her completely irrational excitement over the new visitor. Olivia seemed to be getting increasingly excited just because the dog was, and the more animated Olivia became, the more energy the dog seemed to get. It's like they fed off of each other energy bursts. Pretty fucking scary if you ask me.

"What's wrong with the room next to Olivia's room?" Tanya asked her focus still primarily on the puppy that was lying on its back frequently getting up to spin in circles and then fall down again, lapping up all the attention.

I opened my mouth to answer her but Olivia beat me to it, answering without much thought at all, not even bothering to look away from Kitty as she stroked her underside, "The room next to mine is Bella's room. So you can't stay in there because it's not for guests, it's hers."

I sort of inwardly cringed for Tanya on hearing that, but it was true. Somewhere along the lines, that room had become Bella's. It smelt like Bella, it still had some of her things in, albeit unimportant, there were bits of her left behind in it. Being six, I don't think Olivia realised quite how what she'd just said could be, and had been, interpreted.

Tanya stopped what she was doing, putting both hands on her lap and smiling this overly calm smile, "Oh. Well then I guess I'll go to the other guest room then, no problem." Olivia looked up at her innocently smiling and then returning her attentions to the dog, "Is she here? Bella, I mean. I'd love to meet her."

"_No, she's not_." Alice called from the kitchen. Did the woman have the ears of a hawk or what? The sound of her heels clicking against the marble could be heard before she could be seen, "Unfortunately for my sanity, she's out of the state. Well, she will be in twenty minutes. But that doesn't matter because _you're_ here with your… odd odour, and that's just… _fantastic_." She almost sang the last part with sarcasm, taking a sip from her espresso cup and smiling sardonically at Tanya. She just glared back.

"Don't you have some 'be seen and not heard' policy with her?" Tanya frowned at me, pointing towards Alice who snorted into her cup.

"That's nice. You've been working on some _catchy_ phrases over in L.A., huh? Beats drinking any day, right. Anyway, can you please keep your movement around your house to a minimum. I'll be able to smell where you've been anyway, you leave a stench behind you. I can smell you from over here." There was quite a large space between where the two women stood and Alice stepped back, scrunching her nose just to further her point.

"You smell like my grandmother, and don't get me wrong, she was a stunning, wonderful, inspirational woman. But she's been dead for the past ten years. God rest her soul."

Tanya tensed her jaw, glaring directly at Alice before she stood up and brushed her dress down, obviously trying to change the subject, "Edward, is that a cat in there? I thought you hated cats?"

I raised my eyebrow, forgetting about the cat locked up and probably plotting my demise from within its cage, "I do." I said bluntly as I went about opening it and freeing the animal, "But it's Bella's." Two black paws became visible, stretching further out before disappearing back into the cage. Hammy soon sauntered out taking a moment to walk in between Tanya's legs before rubbing himself against Olivia, glaring at me and then making a swift exit.

"It's Bella's." She muttered more to herself, turning back to face Alice with a scowl, "And I don't smell like a grandmother. I'm wearing Nana De Bary, Classic Pink, _actually_. As a matter of fact, I was in the store buying it at the same time as Madonna." She folded her arms, smiling smugly.

For a moment I thought Alice was genuinely impressed, but then she spoke, "Oh wow, Madonna? Well that certainly explains the grandmother smell…"

Tanya was losing composure as they continued, almost snarling back at Alice, "You need a muzzle! Or something! Why can I still hear your voice?"

Alice shrugged, taking another sip from her espresso before eying Tanya up and down, "And I'd still look better in a muzzle and _Crocs _than you do in your," she waved her hand at her in disgust, "last season Chloé and scuffed Louboutins. Not quite chic, just cheap…"

There was a gasp I'm sure came from Tanya and then a stream of fashion related, social status wounding, character degrading insults where thrown from one side of the hall to the other. It was amusing for a second, and a weird part of me was hoping they'd take their clothes off and fight it out. But that thought quickly passed when I saw Olivia frowning at the both of them, hands on hips and pout in place.

She actually reminded me of Bella, it was pretty cute. I ran my hand over the top of her hair and she tilted her head back to look at me, still clearly unimpressed. I kissed her head and smiled before putting on a serious face, interrupting the two bickering women.

"Yeah, hello there, sorry to snap you out of whatever the hell it is your doing, but if you're going to argue, do it out of my earshot because I don't care for it. You both sound ridiculous. Just… stay out of each others way, Christ." Olivia nodded, giving them both disapproving looks and I had to do everything I could not to laugh at her.

"Yeah, you sound ridic-o-lous." She repeated seriously.

Alice put her hands up in defeat, looking to her Blackberry as it began to buzz, "Oh don't worry, Edward. I doubt she'll physically be able to come near me. My mother's a Catholic, I have rosaries and crucifixes. And I'm going now because some of us have jobs and work to be doing, because _some_ of us don't rely solely on trust funds." She kissed the tips of her fingers and then held up her hand to Olivia, smiling a little at me before giving one bitchy ass look to Tanya.

Probably due to her apparent lack of alcohol in the past month, Tanya had become so effortlessly irritated, easily falling prey to Alice's goading. But seeing as the two were really starting to piss me off and I'd already called an end to it, I stepped in once again before she had time to retaliate. Rolling my eyes, I told Olivia to help her mother with her things in the guest room. It seemed to work as enough of a distraction and soon I was standing alone in the entrance hall, wondering how the fuck I was supposed to survive the next five days.

Honestly, I didn't think I would.

I took out my phone, purposely scrolling my address book just so I could see _her_ name flit by – I'm totally whipped that way – and eventually calling the contact I was searching for.

"Fucking hell, J. I need testosterone and I need it now."

There was a long laugh down the other end, "Are your balls still in place?"

"…Yeah?"

"You have hair on your face?"

I stroked my chin with my hand, "I shaved…"

"It still counts. I say bed, you say…?"

_Think fast Cullen_, "Uh, sex... sleep?"

"Good answers. As far as I can tell you're still a guy." I snorted, moving over to lean on a wall, looking up the stairs where I could hear Olivia giggling, "I take it Tanya's there then. Too much oestrogen, eh?" Jasper laughed again.

I stood straight, turning to face the front door as I shook my head, "You don't even know. I need to detox. They're all delusional. Her and Alice are more than I can be fucked with. Just a few more months though and I'll be sated, thank god Bella's having a boy. I'll have one ally at least."

There was a brief pause as I thought over no longer being the only male in what was becoming an increasingly female dominated world. I had some horrid feeling someone was about to send me on a tampon run, I don't think anyone could understand how weird that thought was. Horrifying even.

"Hey, wait… what? You guys are having a boy?" I froze for a moment; I did not mean to say that. What a dick.

"Oh shit." I whined putting my hand to my head, "Ah crap, we haven't told anyone yet. I think she wanted to do it together or tell everyone at once or something. Keep your mouth shut… and don't let on you know. I want her to have her moment if she wants it."

"I won't, but congrats! And you have an ally in me anyway so it's cool. You should come over, I feel like I haven't seen you in years. Where've you been, old man? Picking out your grey hairs? I haven't heard a lot from Bella recently either, are you two ok now? I'm not a fan of baby mama drama and she was pretty upset the last time I saw her."

"Yeah, I think we're good again. I'm hoping so anyway, I can't really tell with her. She's in Forks this week though, so…" I sighed, raking my hands upward through my hair so I acquired my trademark coifed look, "There's a game on tonight, Yankees vs. White Sox', you wanna catch it? I haven't watched a ball game in ages, I'll bring the beer."

"Sounds good. I'll see you later."

I was about to put the phone down when I remembered something, "Oh, do you know what 'Hakuna Matata' means? I swear it's from a Disney film but…?"

"Are you kidding me right now, Edward? It means 'no worries'… for the rest of your days? Lion King? Remember? Theatre in Port Angeles, you were like thirteen, had a crush on that Stacy Cooke girl so we all went together except then you cried like a fucking baby when Mufasa died."

I laughed to myself as I remembered. Ah, back in the awkward pre/early teen days. I'm pretty sure the popcorn became a mix of tears and snot more than actual popcorn. Stacy never spoke to me again but I didn't really care. She turned out a slut once we hit high school, basically fucked anything with a dick. It probably would have been a good idea for me to stay friends with her, she could have been a great rebound when the French Junior girl, Juliet, dumped me Sophomore year.

It wasn't my fault, she just didn't understand that Edward Cullen didn't speak French; I did Spanish.

"Oh, I remember…" I chuckled.

"You know what… screw baseball, you need to get in touch with your Mini Me. And I don't mean your dick. We're watching the Lion King, then we'll watch baseball, then just get pissed, I've been too busy to do that recently."

"You always want to get pissed whenever Tanya's been brought up somewhere in the conversation. Is that coincidence or are you just an asshole?"

Jasper snorted, "I'm an asshole, but this is actually coincidence. Or maybe not since I am indeed an asshole… hey, shut up ok, you're the pussy who calls me, so there's my proposition. Suck it up."

"You're a dick."

"And you're a woman. We work nicely together. Ying and yang, babe. Ying and yang."

**BPOV**

I hate when the weather's nice and I'm miserable. What the hell was Forks doing making it a wonderfully warm evening, with the sunlight nicely glistening in the woodland trees as it began to set? The words 'Forks' and 'picturesque' were entering my mind in the same sentence and that was so wrong. So incredibly _wrong_.

I had been secretly hoping I would get off the plane and Forks would be cloudy and grey and gloomy. Like it _always _is.

But no. I had to come back during the only week of nice weather of the whole year. I suppose I should have been grateful; I wasn't. I had New York for nice weather and shit weather. Basically New York filled all needs in my life. Everywhere else was just annoying. Especially Forks.

When you come 'home' I'm sure you're supposed to squeal with glee before the tires of the plane hit the tarmac because you can smell it. You can smell the place you grew up, you can smell the memories, you can smell the years. It's supposed to be comforting, and I suppose parts of it were but I'd hated living in Forks almost as much as I hated Otters and Llamas – I'm not entirely sure why, but that's a lot. Put me in the same room as either of them and I _will_ cry.

So I wasn't getting that '_home sweet home_' feel. I was getting this '_why the fuck is this place named after a piece of cutlery?_' feel.

The real reason I'd actually come off the plane in such a foul mood was because I'd been sitting next to this fucking irritating kid, all the way from New York, I just couldn't shake him off. And he was so obviously staring at my tits the majority of the flight and, me being the biggest retard on the whole plane, I just sat there and let him. Not that I wanted him to, but I didn't tell him how to stop. He must have seen my blushing as endearing or something because he would just wouldn't cease the staring. I thought my bump would have worked as a 'no-go' sign.

Eventually I had to gush about how excited I was about having a baby boy, how in love I was with my boyfriend, the cute things our daughter did and how perfectly, amazing my life was. All of which was either a lie or exaggerated truth. But it served its purpose and he stopped talking to me as soon as I finished telling the story of myself and my 'daughter' being covered in paint and glitter after an afternoon of arts and crafts. And then of course mentioning how totally adorable it was.

I was in a foul mood because airplanes are uncomfortable, despite the fact I was sat in first class, I couldn't move myself into a comfortable position, so I sort splayed out in this huge chair and tried to make do. I was in a foul mood because I had taken my mail to read on the flight and the cost for the work I had done on my apartment was possibly more than I earn, not to mention the fact I still haven't paid rent this month _and_ I haven't been working due to illness. I was actually still getting paid for the time I had off but I wasn't working extra shifts like I usually would, so my payment wasn't as much.

I was in a foul mood because I was three hours behind and just under three thousand miles away from Edward, Olivia and my cat. If we lived in Europe we'd be in different countries right now. I was alone and grouchy and sad, and this was all before I'd even seen my dad.

Once the cab pulled up outside the white panelled house, my heart and stomach sank way down into my sandals. I really didn't want to do it anymore. As soon as I was outside my house I remembered just how understanding Charlie was; or wasn't. He would probably rip me limb from limb and then do the same to my baby. I'd stand there, stamping my feet, shouting and whining but I always lost. I _always_ lost with him, I lost or I gave up because _I _had too much to lose.

I was at an advantage here because all I had to lose now was him, and I never knew I _had_ him in the first place, so that didn't really count.

Sue opened the door; I had nothing against her, she was a nice lady with a good heart but when I saw her I almost burst into tears. I felt stupid, I felt like I was seventeen again coming home to daddy to tell him what a mess I'd made of my life. As soon as she hugged me she knew. I sort of smiled awkwardly at her as she pulled away to look me up and down, tucking a strand of her dark hair behind her ear.

"Well that certainly wasn't there the last time I saw you." She said laughing a little. We both looked down at the rounding of my stomach and I sighed.

"No… it wasn't." pushing down the handle of my suitcase, I picked it up and stepped inside the house, looking around a bit. Sue had changed things; it was a good change, things looked nice, homely. Some things were exactly how I remembered them; the arrangement of the living room, the pictures that hung on walls, the small hole in the front door that only I ever seemed to notice. If I didn't get it already, it was pretty obvious Sue had moved in, not that anyone felt the need to tell me…

"Is he here?" I asked her and she shook her head, "Ok… Is my room still my room?"

"Yes," she smiled, "I wasn't allowed to touch your room. It's just how it always has been, just a little tidier and I think there might be some washing in there." She brushed her hands on the apron she had over her dress, "Your father will be here in a few minutes, I guess you have things to talk about."

I nodded, pulling my bag up to the room that had been mine. And no shit, she wasn't kidding, it was exactly how I'd left it when I was nineteen. Yeah, I hadn't been in this room for over five years but it just seemed pointless for me to come back to it. I hadn't been in this house for at least four years, every time I saw Charlie it was at Rose and Emmett's for thanksgiving or Christmas or some baby thing.

I sat down on the purple sheets of my bed, next to a pile of clean clothing, and looked about the room. I'd taken everything worth keeping with me when I moved out, but there was still some stuff around. Stupid notes I'd made to myself and forgotten to take down, there were posters of Leonardo DiCaprio everywhere. He stole my heart after Titanic. I've seen that film a ridiculous amount of times and I still cry.

As I looked over things, I heard the front door open and shut, a little giggle from Sue and then talking I couldn't really understand. When I finally got the nerve to move, I went to stand at the top of the stairs to see my father in a completely different way to how I've ever seen him before. He still had his stupid moustache and slightly greying hair, he looked the same except he was happier. He smiled at Sue in a way I'd never seen him smile at anyone before.

He span her around, kissing her neck as she tried and failed to swat him away, "Charlie, stop! I was going to say Bella's here already so you-"

And then he saw me.

He didn't even need to say anything and I just wanted to throw a shoe at his face. And his stupid fucking moustache. No words had been spoken and I was so freakin' mad at him already because I just knew how this conversation was going to go. His never-seen-before smile had already disappeared and he was more or less glaring at me. So I more or less glared back at him.

"Bella." He said, clearing his throat. No '_Hello, darling daughter. It's been too long since I last saw you, I've missed you so much_'. Douchebag.

"Charlie." I said, making my way down the stairs. I hadn't called him 'Dad' since I was fourteen. Dick, twat, evil dictator, asshole, moustache man and Charlie were all acceptable.

"Sue!" Sue said as cheerfully as possible, obviously sensing the tension between us, "Well, now everyone knows each other's names why don't we all go and sit down and have a catch up. You haven't seen Bella for nearly a year, Charlie, I'm sure she has plenty to tell you."

So we did.

And then I just wanted to kill myself.

---

To begin with, I stated the obvious. That I was pregnant. I needed to get that out there first and I sort of blurted it out anyway, to which Charlie unsurprisingly turned this weird shade of pink, then red, then a bit more pink, maybe magenta? Then purple. Through this colour transition I just wanted to slap him. Fucking hell he made me heated, I knew he would but he had no right to be angry with me.

"I can't believe you, Isabella. You're not even married!" he grumbled loudly looking away from me. Sue sat on the arm of his chair, a hand on his arm, while I sat alone on the sofa opposite. What I would have killed to have Edward holding my hand or touching my arm right now…

"It's the twenty first century, Charlie, you don't need to be married. Emmett and Rose weren't married when they had the twins. Anyway, it was a mistake. Mistakes happen sometimes. I'm just going to have to… get on with it."

"Get on with it." He snorted, looking back at me. I swear his moustache twitched, but then again I wouldn't be surprised if it was actually just a woodland creature living on his face, "You can't just 'get on with it' though can you, Bella. You never do. You didn't just get on with school when Mike left you. You went and did your own thing, instead of the sensible thing to do. Now you work in a candy shop. I earn more than you do! It should be the other way round."

"I'd rather be happy in my candy shop than be a miserable cunt in Forks." I murmured to myself, falling back onto the sofa, crossing my arms over my bump. There was an awkward silence again. Charlie was looking away from me and I was looking away from him. I could see in my peripheral vision, Sue biting her lip anxiously as she looked between the both of us.

All I could think of was how I honestly felt like I was a teenager again, having a strop and dad telling me off. I'm fucking twenty four, for fucks sake!

"So, um, Bella, how is the pregnancy going for you? How far along did you say you were?" Sue asked finally.

"Twenty weeks, two days." I sighed, looking over at her with a slight smile.

"And _two_ days, you know it to the day…" Charlie muttered aloud but I ignored him.

"If I'm being honest, Sue, up until… yesterday, it's been pretty hellish actually. I've been in hospital once already for a few days because I was dehydrated, and I have to take medication to stop me from getting this ridiculous morning sickness that basically kills me. But other than that, it's been fine. It's really weird to think there's another person growing inside me but," I moved both hands to either of my stomach and smiled, "it's kinda exciting."

She stared rather dreamily at me, "It is exciting." Charlie glared at her but she remained untroubled by it, "I always wanted children…"

"Exciting? Do you know how hard looking after a child is _on your own_? Have you even considered other options because you couldn't look after goldfish last time I checked, never mind a baby."

"Yes, well the last time you 'checked' I was _twelve_. I have a cat that is alive and well thank you. And I have considered other options. Six weeks ago I was set on giving it up for adoption, I had a family picked out and everything. But I couldn't do it. Why the hell should I give away _my_ child when I am actually capable of taking sufficient care of it myself? I'm twenty four, Charlie. You seem to think I'm a child still when I'm not, I can do what the hell I like. You might be chief of police in _Forks_, but you are _not_ the law and I don't have to abide by whatever you seem to think is the right thing for me to do."

_Take that old man._

"I don't know why I didn't have children… I just never, never got round to it… I guess…" Sue continued to herself. Charlie was just getting increasingly angry as I carried on, but I didn't really give a shit because I knew I was right and he was wrong. Whatever he said he was wrong. I'd already thought of every single bad situation, there was nothing he could possibly say that I hadn't already considered.

I'd even considered what would happen if I had my baby and then got molested by a squirrel for real and died. I know my son would always have his father, and his sister, his aunties, uncles - plural because Jasper and Alice may have well been Edward's siblings – and grandparents. Me being here was just to see if Charlie was willing to be one of those grandparents.

"You're doing this all wrong, Bella." He gripped the arm of his chair, leaning forward just a little.

"I'm not actually." I laughed sardonically, "And I'm not doing it on my own. I mean aside from Emmett, Rose and my friends I have… Edward. He's the father. And we get on very well actually. _Really_ well. In fact, we're kind of… together."

"…It's too late now…" Sue finished, staring off into space longingly.

"Edward who?"

I raised an eyebrow, "Why, are you going to run a background check or something?" _He didn't care enough to, surely._

"Yes. Might as well check up on the Brooklyn Bum my daughter is shacking up with." _I take that back_.

He always thought so fucking badly of me. As if I didn't have standards or something, or maybe I'd got so desperate I was willing to shag anything with a dick, just for the sake of it. So when I said his name I said it with narrow eyes and gritted teeth, as if to say '_Fuck you, father, fuck you_.'

"Edward Cullen." I crossed my arms again as soon as I'd said it, watching my fathers facial expressions go from confusion, to shock, to something that actually looked like he was impressed which then quickly changed to disbelief. Because there could have been, and probably were thousands of Edward Cullens in the world. It just happened that the world was small enough that we were talking about the same one, "As in Carlisle and Esme Cullens Edward." I thought I'd just clear it up anyway, "So I guess you won't be needing a background check, I think I'm pretty safe."

Even Sue snapped out of her stupor when I said that. I'd done my own little background research on Edward's family, Emmett being my main source of knowledge, and apparently it wasn't just Edward who had quite a bit to go round; his parents were also wealthy. Extremely wealthy. Apparently I'd fucked my way into a financially secure life, for myself and my son. It's not what I wanted; I'm not the kind of girl who sought to marry into wealth or anything. Money just makes things easier, not necessarily _better_.

Still, the surname had the required effect on Charlie, "You're having a baby with _Edward Cullen?_ Well…" I smiled smugly to myself, partly because I still thought 'I know right, what the fuck?' and partly because to Charlie, that proved I should be ok. Edward could have been a shitty person but the Cullen's bank statement said Isabella and Baby Swan were going to be just fine.

_Baby Swan. Sounds cute but this kid's a Cullen._

"Oh, have you heard about Esme, dear? Her cancer's come back, terrible really. But she's still looking as great as ever. I tell you, that baby of yours is going to have some wonderful genetics. I've not seen Edward, but one can only imagine…" She sighed dreamily again and I couldn't help but think how sometimes, I just loved Sue.

The smile on my face was bigger than I had anticipated but her choice of timing for things just got me every time, "I've not met Esme yet actually. But Edward I have and, well, one can't actually imagine because he's better than anything your mind could conjure up. You'll die when you meet him, Sue."

"Oooh." She giggled, a little blush colouring her cheeks as she covered her hand with her mouth, "He sounds… fantastic."

"Yeah, the problem here isn't how "fantastic" Edward Cullen's looking these days, the problem is my daughter is pregnant, single and not going anywhere." Both Sue and I looked back at Charlie, rolling our eyes slightly, only to elicit another little giggle from each of us, "You two think this is all a joke. This is serious! I know for a fact that Cullen used to get around. And that's before you met him. God knows how many girls he's slept with, knocked up, promised a secure future and then just left. You could just be another, Bella."

"Oh shut up already!" I snapped, shaking my head almost manically, "He's not like that at all! He does have a daughter and she's just the most amazing thing. You should see them together, even the way he looks at her. It's like… it's just beautiful to watch the way they interact. He's such a good man… well actually sometimes he's a complete asshole, but he's good. And anyway, who the hell's perfect? And do you know what? I'm glad that if anyone knocked me up, it was him. I have more of a sense of direction now than I have in years."

Charlie frowned, shaking his head slowly, "You're so young and naive… you've known him for five months or something, Bella. You don't have a clue what you're talking about. Do you think you're just going to have a baby and go from there?"

"What else am I supposed to do? It's too late for anything else. I don't want to _do_ anything else. This _is_ what I want. I want my family, I want my baby and I want my happiness. You can't stop me from getting what I want, Charlie. I'm an adult. You have no control over me, at all. You can have your opinions and I'll have mine. To be honest, this particular decision has been made and you can't change that. And mine and Edward's relationship… well, I know how I feel and he knows how he feels."

"Bella, you're having a baby! You don't have time to 'test the waters' or whatever the hell it is you're doing."

"We're not testing waters... we have time. He's in New York, so am I. When I've had the baby we'll both still be there, and if nothing else, have even more of a reason to be together. You are in no position to criticise me anyway, you married mom after four months! You have no right to judge at all." He swallowed thickly, his jaw tensing as he loosened his grip on the chair arm.

"That was different." He said gravely.

I narrowed my eyes, "How was it? You didn't know her and you decided to marry her."

"But you're having a baby."

"And you got married! They're both lifetime commitments." _Except yours didn't get the chance to last a lifetime… _He was thinking it, I was thinking it, Sue probably was too.

Charlie looked down, sighing loudly and seemingly getting more agitated until he finally looked back up at me, hitting his fist down on the arm of the chair, "Dammit Bella, I loved her!"

"Well…" I huffed not really thinking at all about what I was saying, "Well, I love Edward."

…Shit.

"Oh for god's sake, you do not love Edward." Charlie scoffed.

Shit. Shit. Holy shit. I think I do? Maybe? Yes? No? Hormones?

_I do_.

I do.

I do?

Was this really the end of my falling? Maybe I'd just snagged my clothing on a piece of rock. Was this what the end felt like? Anger and passion and possibly sadness?

Why didn't Charlie get it, why did he have to argue with me every time? Why couldn't Bella be right, just this once? Just this _one_ time.

He was rambling on and on now about commitment and how the mistake I was making was going to ruin my life. But honestly, what life? If anything, this mistake was going to _make_ my life.

Stepping outside of my thoughts for a moment, I looked at Charlie and I looked at Sue. She was watching me with this sense of understanding despite the fact she hadn't had any life experience like what I was experiencing now. She watched me with compassion; like she wanted me to succeed in whatever the fuck it was I wanted to do, despite how completely stupid or trivial it may be. Charlie just looked angry, like the world was against him and he was trying to fight it off because it just wasn't fair.

And maybe it wasn't fair but, to be quite frank, life is a bitch. Sometimes more so to some than others. A lot of the time, probably like him, I was bunched in with the 'some' rather than the 'others'. But for once I wasn't in either group. Fate had dealt me a good hand here and I could either buy in or cop out.

Fuck everything if Charlie thought I was going to cop out, _again_.

"You know what, Charlie." I stood from the sofa, "I actually don't care for what you have to say because I'm doing what I want to do anyway. Nothing here is up for discussion. I just came to tell you that I'm having a baby and I'm keeping it. The only decision you have to make is whether or not you want to be part of his life. _His _life, it's a boy. I'm sure Carlisle and Esme, even Sue, could offer him enough love to make up for you. It's just whether you want to give it yourself. I just hope you decide you do because it's not fair that whatever shitty dislike you have towards me should rob my son of a grandfather. Especially when you seem to fulfil your duties just fine with Emmett's kids."

My phone, although on silent, started vibrating in my pocket. I pulled it out and smiled at the name of the screen, "Anyway, Edward's probably close to a panic attack right now because I forgot to call him." I looked at the flashing sign on the screen. _16 missed calls, shit, Edward! Why did it only vibrate this time?_

I tapped the phone on my hand smiling at Sue before going to head back upstairs. I could hear her chiding Charlie as I left, only to have him grumble back the odd word. I looked back briefly to see Sue standing with her hands on her hips, pointing in my direction although her back was to me, Charlie sitting like a grumpy old git in his chair while she said her piece. Any other day and I would have listened in, but I just wasn't in the mood to be dragged into another unnecessary argument, so I took my leave while I still could.

Noticing Edward had not only hounded me with calls but texts as well, I went through my inbox as I entered my room before checking my voicemail, laughing at all of them but then getting stupidly over emotional over the last text.

_B, please be alive :(! I've just watched the Lion King with J and I really don't want to re-enact the Mufasa dying scene with you. It's depressing shit. You're not picking up your phone and tbh, I'm worrying. And I'm drunk. Or at least I have drunk alcohol. In moderation? It depends what you call moderate… Tanya's pissing me off. So is Alice. _

_Day 1- I miss you. _

_Don't be dead, please. _

_XXXXXXXX_

_XXXXXX_

_XXXX_

_XX_

_X _

_E (like ecstasy but better) _

I'd call him back, not even for the conversation or the reassurance, just for the company. Just to hear his breath, if not his inevitably scrambled and slow words, was enough. Just because it was Edward.

The drunk and worrying idiot. More importantly, _my _drunk and worrying idiot.

**I don't know about this chapter so your thoughts would be lovely. All I can say is I wish for reviews, Christmas cheer and good times. 201 days until Eclipse – It's never too early to begin the countdown.**

'**Tis the season to be jolly so be a kind soul and leave a review. Becuase reviews are like ecstasy... but better.  
**

**You know you love me,**

**XO XO**


	24. I Caught Myself

**Disclaimer: I don't claim to own anything.**

**Oh hello again, didn't think I'd be back so soon, but I'm in a good mood so here's another chapter. It's shorter and it's all Bella but I hope you like it. Thanks all for everything, Julia I love you. Some particular reviewers, I love you too, I mean I have a lot of love for everyone but some people especially :') If I ever reply to your review with 'HAHAHA' within the first sentence, you're probably one of these people I'm refering to ;)  
**

**Song: I Caught Myself- **Paramore

**BPOV**

Yet another wonderfully sunny and moderately warm day in Forks. A lot like the day before. And the one before that.

Just because you look pretty, Forks, doesn't mean you're actually a good place to be. I was having a rather boring day, although I was enjoying the time I was spending with Sue. Charlie had pretty much ignored me since my arrival and our argument two days ago. I didn't care, I had nothing left to say to him. The ball was in his court, it was his choice what he chose to do with it. I was used to ignoring him anyway. So, overall, his petty behaviour had no major impact on my life.

"I'm sorry about Charlie, Bella. He's been totally out of line the couple days," Sue's eyes drifted to the window ahead of her while she stood over the sink washing carrots, "I don't know what's come over him. _So_ rude…"

"It doesn't even matter…" my words were more or less mumbled as I focused out the sketch I was drawing. Filling in the contours with different hue's of light and dark. My hand seemed to know where it was going without much instruction from my conscious thought. I was so caught up in my own little world I hadn't noticed Sue had turned off the running water and was standing over me.

Thankfully when I did notice, although I jumped, my pencil was away from the page. If I had drawn a hard line through a soft area, I probably would have cried. I seriously would have burst into tears.

Out of everything I'd drawn since having enough art supplies to last me a lifetime, _this_ one drawing was like my pride and freakin' joy. I think I cut a piece of my heart out and stuck it down on this picture and then blended it in so it wasn't so noticeable. No one had seen it though; it was in my sketchbook that I hadn't showed anyone.

Sometimes, if I was in a good mood I'd show something to Edward, or my sister, Meg, even a little something to Olivia. But it was never anything from _the_ sketchbook. It had become more of a diary than just a collection of drawings. I'd written stuff and then illustrated it with something coupled with my feelings. It was a personal thing; a special relationship between myself and the book. If I thought about it too deeply, I think it was actually a relationship between myself and my heart.

I'd say the heart is pretty mute so it finds other ways to project its thoughts and feelings to your conscious mind. For me, that happened to be through drawings, sketches, paintings. But only the ones I drew without really thinking about it. The ones I could draw with my eyes closed. The ones I could draw with my hands tied.

Sue was looking but she wasn't really _seeing_. A second or two passed of her still tilting her head to look at the page and I began to panic. Because the drawings were only for me, it didn't really occur to me to think whether they were good or not. Whether they actually looked like the things they were supposed to be. I knew what they were and what significance it had so that was all that mattered.

I could have pulled it away from her, shut the book and put it away, but for some reason I wanted her to see it. I wanted _someone_ to see it. After a while longer of tilting her head this way and that, her brow furrowed in concentration she looked up at me and whispered, "You did this? Bella, it's… it's amazing."

And then I felt really shy that I'd let her in on it and I wanted to pull the book away and shut it. It was too late though, what's done is done, "…Thanks." I muttered shyly, heat slowly beginning to creep up my face. Sue pulled the book closer to her, careful not to actually touch the page.

The actual picture was pretty simple; I'd drawn myself hugging Edwards back in a crouched position, my hair curly and wispy as I looked out of the page, his in its usual style. Edward was as much a part of the picture as myself but I think there was more emphasis on me than him. Although I thought so highly of the man, when I looked at the picture, my eyes went straight to my own figure only really drifting over Edward in order to capture the importance of the whole piece.

"I'm honestly lost for words, this is incredible. Is that Edward?" I sat back in my chair, almost holding my breath as I nodded, "And this is obviously you." Lifting her hand to hover just above the drawing, she traced my outline, "You look beautiful, I mean you always do but… this looks like a picture." She turned to look at me with this look that made me want to blush again. Like she was so proud of me or something.

I snorted, trying to brush off her compliments, "I don't actually see myself like that. I've exaggerated it." I leant over the table a bit to get a clearer view, "It's more…" I thought for a moment before continuing, "I think that's how Edward sees me sometimes. I don't know… That's how he makes me feel anyway. I mean he doesn't _tell_ me I'm beautiful or whatever all the time, but it's like he says it in other ways. And well… yeah."

"The eyes are amazing, Bella. The whole thing it's just… it's beautiful. I didn't know you could draw."

Apparently I still can, which is good, I thought I'd lost my pizzazz after I left college. We both looked at it a while longer and my mind began to drift to thoughts of Edward. I wondered what he was doing, it sounded stupid but I wondered whether he was thinking what I was doing. I wondered if he felt as pathetic as I did for missing him three days into my five day away time.

"Do you love him?" I had distanced myself in my mind so much I was barely aware Sue had said anything until I realised she was staring at me.

"Huh? Sorry… what did you say?"

She smiled, pushing the sketchbook back to me, "I said, 'do you love him?'. Edward I mean. You said you did the other day, but I didn't know if that just came out because of what your father said."

"Oh… I, uh… I don't know. I've not been in love before so I don't know what it's supposed to feel like. I know I love him as a friend, and I like him as more than that. Sometimes I really want to punch him, other times I really… don't. I miss him sometimes, even when he's in the next room, and, like, _now_…"

Her smile only increased as I rested my head in my hands and sighed. I hadn't thought about it since I blurted it out to Charlie, of all people, "Well, I can't help you figure it out, sweetheart. It's one of those things you do on your own. I think it's different with different people. When I met my first husband, I just knew. I didn't know how, I just did. My second husband, it took me two years to realise, and now Charlie… well, I don't know how I know. He pisses me off a treat I can tell you, but he has a good heart under there. You just have to dig around a bit. He doesn't make me feel _old." _She giggled to herself, not that I would class mid fifties as old.

"Ok." I said, shutting the book, "Well I'll try and do that. Really try." I stood up, putting the book under my arm and was about to leave the kitchen, when I turned back around. Sue was going about grating the carrots she had just washed, from the sugar, flour and other things, I realised she must be making carrot cake.

"The worst thing is he's already told me. That he loves me. And I really hate that I can't say it back to him because I think I do. I _know _I do somewhere, I just… my heart or my brain or maybe both just hasn't realised it yet." I paused and then laughed to myself, "I have no idea why I just told you that but thank you for listening anyway. And thanks for liking my drawing…" I waved the sketchbook at her as I exited the room, thinking it must have been a near miracle that _Charlie _had found someone as nice as Sue.

In fact, I was expecting the world to cave in on itself sometime soon and I'd _finally_ turn into a unicorn. Not that it would count because the world would have ended so there'd be no one to see me in all my unicorn glory. Sad times.

---

_Today I realised just how fond of you I am, and, dare I say it, I think I actually miss you. You're like my favourite pair of shoes. I need to cry to you or something. Come back soon. Alice x_

I don't know why everyone felt the need to end each text message they sent me with their name. I knew who it was from, the name automatically comes with the text. Still, I rarely received texts from Alice that didn't contain some kind of abuse or a schedule of sorts, so I smiled at my phone, having just received a text with neither of the two.

_You only realised that today? I counted you as a friend before today, but ok… and shoes? Is that a compliment? Still, I think this is possibly the nicest text you've sent me to date, thank you :) Strangely, I miss you too… B xoxo P.S. what do you need to cry about?_

I put the front door on the hook so I could get back in after I'd taken the trash out. Although there was sun and blue sky, there was also a slight breeze so I'd put a cardigan on before I went outside, wrapping it around myself to shelter from the cold air while I read Alice's reply.

_I'd say it's a compliment. Shoes can be the most important part of an outfit, they give you poise and keep you grounded. If you're wearing the wrong pair you might just fall over. I'm stuck with Jasper and Edward, they're like wearing a pair of sneakers… comfortable but they don't match what I'm wearing. I need a female. Anyway, anything happening in Forks? Tanya is annoying the hell out of me just by being alive… Alice x_

I giggled to myself thinking over all the hardships Alice must have been facing without me…

_I'm wearing these jodhpur-like things that remind me of MC Hammer. I'm about to break into 'U Can't Touch This'. If I did it would probably be the most interesting thing to happen in Forks today… Uhhh, Edwards been on my mind a lot… as per. Omg, I've just remembered something I haven't told you yet! I'll call you later to give keep you updated ;) B xoxo_

What I had failed to mention to Alice earlier was how I'd come to receive the plane tickets from Edward and all of the… _evening activities _that followed. And I thought when I got pregnant that my sex life would be forever non-existent, but it's been more existent than it has in four years.

And oh my god was it worth the wait. I'd do those four years of having a restraining order from my vagina all over again if it meant I could do the whole screwing Edward all over again.

So worth it.

So, _so_ worth it.

I dropped the bag I had into the trash can in a somewhat dreamy state as I kept on repeating the same thing over and over in my head. _So worth it. _Then I'd remember something which only furthered my point and the daydreaming would start all over again. Content with my thoughts, I stood next to the trashcan for god knows how long sighing and dreaming in my own little trance. _So worth it…_

"You look a little bit too happy to see me, Bella." A large hand was being waved in front of my face causing me to snap up, shut my mouth, stop tilting my head as if admiring an imaginary body and fall back to the real world. Only, when I realised who was standing in front of me, I was pretty sure this wasn't the real world at all.

"Oh my god." I said quietly, taking two small steps backwards, "Oh my god," I repeated. The well built man in front of me, dressed in a band t-shirt and Abercrombie shorts smiled widely, his teeth almost glowing against his lightly tanned skin and golden hair. I think his blue eyes were even sparkling. I was just… "Oh my fucking god."

"Hello to you too." He laughed in this _deep_, _rich_ voice. Even his fucking voice was lush.

"Oh my-"

"Yes, ok, Bella. You don't need to say it again."

Um, yes actually, I think I do need to say it again because my heart is about to stop beating and my eyes are about to fall out of my fucking face.

It took me a moment to compose myself and take a proper look at the man standing in front of me. And what a freakin' man he was. Holy shit what a man.

"You are still Mike Newton, right?" He nodded, smiling brightly, "But you're like… you've got muscle! Motherfucker, you've been working out! And tanning… you're like…" _Fucking gorgeous._ I stood with my hands on my hips, totally blown away by the changes that had occurred, ultimately changing Mike from an adolescent to a _man_.

He had muscles, not too big but loads of them, the kind you that are so hot you wanna bake cookies on and then lick clean. _Dude_. I needed to picture message Alice. And then I remembered, gorgeous or not, this was the same Mike who ditched me and sent me on my downward spiral. Yeah, that definitely made him a lot less attractive. Thanks Mike.

"Wow, you're different." I sighed finally, shaking my head.

"Well so are you. You look good… not that you didn't before, I mean…" he scratched the back off his head awkwardly as I looked down at myself and snorted.

"I look the same…"

"You look really healthy. Like, your hair and your face and everything. It's kinda like you're glowing." He smiled again and I weirdly wanted to smile too. I just couldn't get over his face. And his neck, his neck looked so much… _thicker_. He used to be so weedy.

"That'll be my "pregnancy glow"" I used inverted commas to emphasise my words. Mike just looked confused, apparently all this working out he was obviously doing had made his brain a bit slow. I found this mildly amusing as I'd spent pretty much my entire senior year of high school copying his assignments. Maybe he wasn't as clever as I always thought he was… it would definitely explain the mediocre grades.

I rolled my eyes as his widened, "Oh dude, you're pregnant? Woah, that's crazy. Congrats." He punched my arm in a friendly way but it hurt more then I'm sure it was supposed to. I don't think it was supposed to hurt at all… "So, are you married then or…?"

"Nope, it just sorta happened and here I am. Well, I mean, I'm not actually _here_ here, I live in New York but I'm just visiting Charlie." I sighed, turning myself to glance back at the house before facing The Incredible Hulk once more, "What about you and Lauren, are you two still, uh… together?" I was standing with both my hands shielding my eyes from the sun as I looked up at him.

"Oh Lauren, no... We broke up two years ago, just didn't work out. I live down in Cali but I'm here for a couple days to visit my parents. My mom still freaks out when I don't call her after more than three days." I smiled remembering how much his mom hated me when we were together. She basically knew I was the only reason her son would rather be having sex, drinking alcohol and getting high instead of studying. It makes me laugh out loud to think some parents thought I was so badass.

And as the chief of police's daughter too. I obviously needed a slap on the wrist.

Karen Newton was such a moody bitch. Mike and I never had sex at his house when she was in, but whenever we did fumble around knowing she was downstairs, I made sure I swore or made whatever orgasm noise extra loud. Of course she'd come rushing up only to find myself and Mike 'playing' our pre-prepared game of Scrabble. I'd always say something like, "Darn it, Mike! You're always getting those triple words! You're just too good for me."

What she didn't realise was her son was sitting cross-legged on his bed opposite me only to hide the erection that was about to pop through his zipper, and my panties were tucked nicely in his back pocket instead of over my crotch. She also never clocked on to the fact that we were always playing Scrabble, or that Mike was always winning, or that we'd actually glued the letters down on the board so we didn't have to set it up every time.

"Cool." I said after a long and rather awkward silence. I didn't know if there was anything else I wanted to say. I didn't know what to say even if there was. So I decided to end this weird re-union and just return to the house, thanking him for stopping to talk to me and commenting on how random it was to see each other after so many years.

As I pushed the front door open he called over to me from the end of the path, "Hey, uh, Bella, do you maybe want to go for a walk? I mean, if you're not doing anything right now we catch up properly, or something."

Mike Newton is lucky as hell I am physically incapable of holding grudges. He's also lucky he happened to look somewhat godly standing at the end of the path with sun sparkling on him and I had nothing better to do and time to kill. I was half expecting him to say, "Hey Bella, which way to the beach? This way… or that?" whilst flexing his biceps.

"Um… sure, why not. I'll… just get my keys and I'll be back out." And probably my sunglasses too, seeing as his muscle head doesn't block out the sun very well.

Sue was standing wide eyed at the doorway to the kitchen as I shut the door behind me, "Bella, is that him?"

I raised an eyebrow, "Is that who?"

"Edward, is that Edward?" I could see why she might have thought it was. I'd told her Edward was gorgeous; Mike was standing outside ticking that box quite nicely. Realistically, Edward was a different gorgeous to Mike. You couldn't compare the two together.

Mike was attractive in this typically All-American, Abercrombie and Fitch, football and surfing kind of attractive. More grown up than he used to be but still 'young' kind of attractive. In my opinion, Edward was just all man. A stubble growing _man_, although I'm pretty certain he has his chest waxed although he won't tell me. Edward wasn't big like Emmett but he had a good body, he was toned just enough. He was perfect for me. And the angles of his face, well, the fact I've noticed the angles of his face really said something because I've never noticed that shit on anyone before.

Edward came with all the little extras as well; life experience, education, stability, a fucking awesome personality and a ready made family who, as far as I can tell, all rather like having Bella Swan around. In fact they love it, I basically make their lives.

He just had this presence that I could sense in the air, it felt like the air waves changed when he arrived. He entered the room and I smiled, if I was in a bad mood with him that day I still smiled, just on the inside. If I thought about him too hard I would probably end up crying like a sixteen year old fawning over her favourite popstar.

Oh and E fucked like a pro. And I'd done Mike so I was able to compare. Hands down, Team Edward all the way.

He was the whole deal. He owns me, every time.

"Are you still alive?" I laughed, giving her a sympathetic look.

"Oh, barely Bella, barely." Sue replied, fanning herself down with one hand, the other on her heart.

"You know why you're still alive? Because that man there, as lovely looking as he is, is _not_ Edward Cullen."

---

Aside from the physical changes, Mike was exactly the same guy I'd dated. Everything with him was so familiar and comfortable. He was like a giant chair I hadn't sat on in years except when I did, I remembered just why it had been my favourite chair in the first place. I remembered why I hadn't committed suicide, just for something to _do,_ during the last year of high school. Mike was always my escape, he was always this person who was just there and was just... _good_.

We walked, laughing about the things we'd done, the private jokes that were just as relevant and hilarious as they were years ago. He took the piss out of me being pregnant and I almost cried when he told me he had actually modelled for Abercrombie and Fitch. It was so odd how I was sure I'd forgotten him, even hated him to a certain extent, and yet here we were, sitting with our legs hanging over the edge of the dock at the lake where we first kissed.

It was so clichéd, he'd taken me to the lake one night, he even brought his guitar and candles and we sat there for hours, him playing his stuff and me totally in awe of it. And then he finally kissed me and I thought it was the best kiss I'd ever had because it was nice and sweet, and he wasn't trying to force his tongue into my mouth.

"We had our first kiss here." He said absently, lying back on the wooden planks and staring up into the blue sky.

"Mm. I think we had sex here once, too." I said, tilting my head back, allowing the sun rays to hit my face. Other than the sounds of slowly moving water and Mike chuckling to himself, everything was quiet. Peaceful. The type of peace where there actually was _nothing_.

Everything just _was_.

For once in a long time I was happy and empty. There was nothing particular on my mind. Things came and went, conversation with Mike often brought with it a flood of memories, a few thoughts, but then things would disperse until finally my head was clear. Empty.

When I started thinking again, I did it willingly. I thought about how easy everything was with Mike, how after so many years, the in between time seemed to be forgotten, it was as if he had gone on holiday he'd returned to where I waited with open arms, willing to except him back like nothing changed, like nothing happened.

But it had. I'd changed, he'd changed and we weren't together anymore. For a while, after we broke up, I waited because I'd never felt anything like what I felt for Mike. At the time, I only continued with routines without him because I was hoping he'd come back. When he never did I had to stop myself from being so dependent, I had to let go, move on.

He left _me_. I'd been perfectly content with my life with him and then he just disappeared on me.

I fell back onto the decking of the dock next to him and sighed loudly, bringing my knees up as I stared at the sky through my sunglasses, "Why did you leave me?" I asked, "Because, you know, I never really got back on track after you did…" He turned his head to look at me, "I know you said… Lauren... Did you really love her?"

There was a long silence before Mike spoke. He seemed to be contemplating his answer for a while, staring at something I couldn't see, "Nah, I never loved Lauren. It was always you, Bella." he smiled, shaking his head, "Lauren was just an easy way out, I guess."

I pushed my sunglasses up into my hair, squinting my eyes, "I don't get it…"

He rolled his eyes, "You're pretty dense sometimes for someone who's actually smart." he laughed only shaking his head when I frowned in confusion, "I always loved you. Freakin' adored you. You were just this really weird, funny, cynical new girl and I was pretty obsessed with you when you came. I'm not even going to tell you what I did because you will actually think I'm such a douche. You just seemed so… different. You were so obviously not from Forks and you hated everything and everyone and I thought you were _awesome_. I used to sit in my room thinking up the most amazing way I could get your attention and get you to like me."

"You spelt my name in skittles in the middle of the hallway at school and told me to follow an arrow to find you…"

"Yeah, and was that not the most freakin' awesome thing you ever saw in your life, c'mon?"

"I hate skittles. Always have."

He put a finger into the air, "Ah, but I went round each Skittle with three M&M's. And you love them." I did. I do. I hadn't forgotten that bit, "And you were dumb enough or bored enough to follow it."

I twisted my mouth to hide the smile that had slipped onto my face, "You got put on litter duty for a week after that." I sighed.

"Yeah, but I got to say 'Hi' to you and you remembered my name. This isn't the point I'm trying to make, Bella. The point I'm trying to make is that I fell in love with you and you hadn't even realised. I never told you because I imagined one day you'd tell me first and then it'd be ok for me to fess up. But then years passed and you never did. I'd look at you with as much love as I possibly could, like more than just my girlfriend. I'd look at you like you were the only one there. You'd look at me like… like I was your best friend."

He shrugged, seemingly accepting of what he was saying while I sat up, still frowning, "You were my best friend, and I was yours, but you were so much more to me than that. To you, I was just a best friend with _a lot_ of benefits. You weren't in love with me."

"But I did love you," I defended myself although somewhere I knew what he was saying was true. I'd told myself it was true. It was just harder having someone tell you.

"You loved me, Bella. You weren't _in_ love with me. It just got too much in college because we were always together, and it just broke my heart. So I pussied out and you just let me go, so easily, which probably broke my heart just a little more. You literally said, 'Ok, if it's what you really want'. You said that. That's a quote, Isabella." He raised an eyebrow at me cheekily, the smile on his face not once faltering.

How the hell could he tell me this so easily, so calmly, so acceptingly? I'd denied him the love he deserved.

"Why didn't you tell me? You just left, I didn't know…"

"I didn't want you to pretend to love me. If it wasn't so fucking sad I'd say it was pretty funny how oblivious you are, to your own feelings and other peoples. You were so… content and I just really wasn't. I think you thought you were just ok with it, because you were deluded into thinking that was the best you were going to get."

"Mike…" I sighed apologetically, running my hands through the relatively tamed mess that was my hair.

"Hey, it's alright. Moved down to Cali, got buff, felt real fucking bad for not calling you or emailing… man, I was such a dick. I'm really sorry, if I could do it again, I'd do it differently. I just abandoned you and that was unfair. I seriously feel so bad for that. So I think we're sort of even. You gave me an achy-breaky heart and I left you. Ok, no, we're not even... I still feel like a complete asshole."

He was an asshole, he was _such_ an asshole. How could he just leave me like that? On my own, out of state, just lost completely. But I was such an asshole too. A blind one at that. Am I really that fucking retarded? He was my boyfriend but he was right; I loved him, I wasn't _in_ love with him.

Instantly, my thoughts altered to Edward.

"Am I really that oblivious?" I asked, looking out at the calm waters. Was I making mine an Edward's relationship into this big complex thing when it needn't be? I hadn't realised he loved me until he told me, but now when I thought about it, he'd been telling me for ages whether he realised it or not.

He told me with his eyes, he told me with his smile, he told me with his hands, he told me with his kisses…

Did my own actions mimic his? Was I completely unaware of something that was becoming increasingly obvious?

"Bella, my dad knew I was in love with you and he thinks I'm still in high school." Mike laughed, spiking up the tips of his gold hair. _He could have just said 'yes', geez._

I wanted to rid myself of the fucking smokescreen over my eyes if there was one. I didn't want to be oblivious. Not with Edward. With Mike, I was young, the way he'd described things made me think he was just my best friend. My _best_ friend. With one _hell_ of a lot of benefits, that's for sure. And I loved him that way, whether I realised it or not. Edward was different. Edward I didn't want to be unsure about anymore. I didn't want to _not_ be able to say it back to him. But I didn't want to say it and realise he was just another Mike. Another best friend I'd told myself I loved.

No, I couldn't do that with Edward. It was or it wasn't.

"Can I kiss you?" I asked Mike seriously.

"Can you-…? What? Why… are you serious?" He sat up, staring at me like I'd just asked him to tattoo a smiley face onto his balls.

"I'm so serious. I need to kiss you. It's not like… I just need to see something." He raised an eyebrow at me before smirking cheekily, wiping his mouth, checking his breath, slapping both his cheeks and then breathing out deeply through his mouth.

"Ok then. I'm ready, go for it." He winked at me and for a second I didn't want to in case I got the opposite effect of what I was rooting for. Still, I'd never know if I didn't test it out.

"This is for experimental purposes, ok, I swear on my baby's life it is." I said, putting both hands on his face. _God his face was so freakin' defined._

"Keep telling yourself that..." he snorted cockily, eventually falling silent as I stared directly at him. It was irritating how his face didn't just change into Edwards face like I'd hoped it would. I had to look really hard before I saw even the slightest similarities begin to come through. I just sat with Mike's face in my hands, Mike's baby blue eyes staring back at mine. So I shut mine and I thought.

Or I remembered, whatever.

It wasn't hard to see his face when my eyes were shut. His eyes were so strong and fierce yet vulnerable and open. My imaginary Edward didn't speak, but he didn't need to. He just _was, _and what he was, was perfect. When I opened my eyes again he was still there, smiling at me. My heart rate picked up and I smiled back as I moved closer to him, to his lips, to the scent that I thanked my brain for storing. I breathed out gently as our noses touched, my eyes trained to his soft lips and although Mike's smell was still stuck in my nose, I was too lost in my own fantasy to take much notice.

I took his top lip between mine briefly, just kissing it gently. He smiled and so did I as I did it again, this time getting out the same response until I completely lost myself in _Edward _when I was in fact kissing Mike. I was full out properly kissing Mike and I really needed to stop.

"Woah, oh my god…" I whispered to myself as I detangled my hands from his hair and detached my lips from his, "Sorry." My cheeks began to fill with embarrassment as I tried to calm my erratic heartbeat and almost gaspy breaths. While I tried to compose myself, Mike sat there looking pretty damn smug with himself.

"You weren't kissing me then, were you?" He asked. I bit my lip, looking at everything but him before opting to stare at my bump and shake my head, "No, I knew you weren't. You were looking at me like…" He tilted his head to the side as he watched me, "Like the way I was always hoping you'd look at me but never did."

I stopped for a moment, thinking over what he'd just said because I wasn't stupid enough to misunderstand this time. I knew what he meant. It's what I'd wanted.

I put my hand to my forehead, holding it over my hair line as I looked away at the trees, huffing in amusement before turning back to Mike with the biggest grin I could muster.

I did love him. Of course I did. Obviously I did. Jesus fucking Christ, how couldn't I?

It was so fucking obvious and in my face that I couldn't see it.

I loved Edward. Holy crap, I really did.

In my state of holy-crap-ness, I flung my arms around Mike, hugging him so tightly it almost hurt me. He was solid.

"I'm sorry I didn't love you the way you wanted me to, but you were the best and only best friend with benefits I've ever had in my life. I'm sorry I didn't realise, I'm sorry you were heartbroken, but don't apologise to me. If you hadn't have left, I wouldn't have found Edward, I probably wouldn't be pregnant and I wouldn't be as freakin' happy and scared as I am right now. But, weirdly, I can't thank you enough."

I kissed his cheek and then hurried to my feet, having to use his shoulder as a lever to get myself up, "I've got to go and…" I put both my hands to my head, "I don't know, but I've got to go. I put my number in your phone when you were daydreaming. And I don't know who Bree is, but she sends you nice texts that sound sincere so maybe you should work on that…" I smiled at him as he shook his head at me, rolling his eyes.

"Yeah, thanks Bella. Now you go be in love with this Edward guy. He better be worth it or I'll be pissed. Seriously, I spent years trying to win you over and I failed. If he messes this up I might just have to kill him," he joked… or at least I hoped he was. I kissed the top of his head giving him a wary look and then started walking back up the dock backwards.

"If I don't see you again before I leave, then text me or something? I just… thank you. So much, like," I breathed out with a smile, "um, just, thank you. So, I'll see you, soon I hope. I really am so oblivious…"

More or less marching down the dock, I almost didn't hear Mike shout my name, "Hey, Bella!" I turned to see him waving my phone and my keys in the air, "You dopey shit, you might need these." He chuckled as I ran back down to get them. Not that I was proving a point or anything…

**Sigh. So for any image of Mike, just imagine an Abercrombie model… le sigh. And if you can't, I suggest you Google image haha! I'm doing this really quickly so I can't say everything I want to say... Go and check out Continuethestory's fic: Fake ID's, marriage, hangovers and Edward Cullen -**http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5319559/1/Fake_IDs_marriage_hangovers_and_Edward_Cullen **for some giggles :)**

**I have one of those Polyvore sets on my profile for Bella, I also changed the banner for this since I got photoshop and went crazy… (ahem, I'm being sarcastic, I still can't work it but in my banner Krisella does look pregnant and she has boobs. I did that shit!) the link is on my profile, as is the link for the picture B drew.**

**Next chapter will be of a similar length I think… and it'll be all Edward with Tanya… hmm**

**So review because I got this up in double time.**

**You know you love me,**

**XOXO**


	25. Strange and Beautiful

**This is so late I know. Life became crazy but I hope you all had a fabulous festive season and New Year! I know I did haha! Thanks as per to those who review, you inspire me a lot of the time, Julia for whooping my grammatical ass into shape and for giving me a candle when I am in the dark (LOL) and Jess who I frequently use to help me write. I basically say "Ok, you're Bella, Edwards (done this), how do you feel about it?" She's great at it, I think this story is slowly becoming her life haha! I love you a lot my friend.**

**So, I have 7-8 versions of this same chapter, all completely different. Seriously not cool. It's all EPOV, completely different to how I originally imagined it but I hope you like it…**

**Song: Strange and Beautiful - **Aqualung

**EPOV**

_She was a blur of brown and cream and navy blue as we collided, her face hidden in my chest, her hands tightly fisted in my shirt. In the space of ten second she had securely latched herself onto me, like a she was a leech or a vampire, but the opposite. She didn't suck the life out of me, if anything she pumped in back in by the gallon. Similarly, I found my arms wrapping around her navy dress, holding her ever closer, tighter, feeling her every curve, every lump and bump pressed against me. I sighed contently, putting my face into the top of her wavy hair, inhaling her deeply._

_She smelt like fucking sunshine. She smelt like Forks sunshine. She smelt like everything I didn't know I liked until she appeared in my life. _

"_I missed you," she murmured quietly into my shirt. I smiled widely whilst I nuzzled my nose further into her chocolate locks, unable to find words that wouldn't understate just how much I'd missed her._

"_I love how you smell," I breathed, "I think I missed your smell more than I missed you."_

_She squeezed me a little tighter, her giggles vibrating through her whole body, "Whatever, you missed me too."_ _She tilted her head up to look at me, her eyes bright and sparkly and all Bella and beautiful, I could have cried, "You missed all of me." A cheeky grin materialized on her face and grew as she deviously skimmed her hands down my shirt. I only realised where she was going when her fingertips grazed the skin of my lower back before delving into the hidden depths of my pants._

_And then my boxers._

"_Just like I missed _all_ of you," Taking her bottom lip between her teeth, she gazed into my eyes while her nails dug into my skin, her hands gripping my ass cheeks._

_There was a sudden surge of blood to my lower regions and I thought I must have been dreaming because within seconds of me being hard, she was naked. And not pregnant, which was weird. At the same time I didn't really care because she looked pretty much edible and I was fucking starving._

"_Mm," she purred, releasing my ass as she used her hands to go about undoing my zipper, "I missed you a lot. I needed you so much while I was away. I had to deal with some _urges_ by myself, and I just don't think I'm as good at dealing with some things as you are."_

_My boxers, a long with my pants, were shimmied down my legs and then kicked off into the vast space of my bedroom. My shirt seemed so have disappeared too. Both Bella and I stood before each other, stark naked, her still with her freakin' awesome pregnancy tits and me with some raging hard-on._

_She trailed her small hands up and down my chest before taking my hand and looking at me with this sexy-as-hell grin, "You don't know how bad I needed you, baby," she cooed, putting my hand on one of her breasts, "I needed you to touch me," she sighed tilting her head back and dragging my hand down across her soft skin, running over her flat stomach, over her belly button, trailing down until my fingers were hovering over the damp warmth that was emitting from between her legs._

"_I needed you to love me," she whispered into my ear, nibbling gently on my lobe at the same time her hand grabbed my shaft. I growled, shutting my eyes momentarily as I felt her hand rub up and down continuously. With her hand still holding mine between her legs, I decided I shouldn't be the only one getting pleasure out of this so I tickled her clit, occasionally teasing her wet entrance while she worked on me._

_My administrations only elicited small sigh's, moans and squeaks. It was like fucking music to my ears and if it was possible for me to get any harder, then I did._

"_I do love you," I said through strained teeth. Her hand felt so good on my dick that I wasn't sure how much longer I could last, but after I spoke she stopped and looked at me with a raised eyebrow._

"_Really?" she snorted and my face fell with her reaction. It almost seemed like she thought the whole concept of it was a joke, "I don't think you do." Her smile didn't once falter as she pushed me backwards onto a bed I had been completely unaware of._

_I was completely confused, she knew I loved her. I told her I did, and I actually meant it, "I do. Bella, I love you." She shrugged her shoulders as she crawled onto the bed, effectively straddling me._

"_Hmm," she twisted her mouth for a second, her hand reaching down underneath her where she found my dick, still hard and ready. I bit down on my lip as she stroked it, running her nail over the head making me gasp. The pleasure I got from her one, swift movement was electric and put me into some stunned state. Like I was paralyzed from the neck down; I could feel but I couldn't move._

_It didn't occur to me that maybe I should mention I had no control of my lower body. My eyes were trained to hers and seemed to see nothing _but_ her as she mounted me, holding my dick underneath her as she slowly lowered herself, hissing as she did. Once she was comfortable, her head lolled back, her hair splaying wildly down her back and she started laughing. _Manically_._

_Bella was sitting on my dick laughing like some kind of fucking crazed woman._

_As her laughing died down, she caressed my face and then leaned over to press her lips delicately against mine, "Show me you love me," she whispered, sitting up straight, rocking her hips gently back and forth, "Show me you love me, baby." Her voice was almost desperate but then so was I._

_I had to show her I loved her. My body came back to life so I turned all my efforts into showing her I loved her. Apparently what I'd already done wasn't enough, so if fucking her so hard that she begged me to stop was a sufficient amount of evidence, then that was what I was going to do._

_And that's what I did. _

_I even amazed myself at how good I was, leaving her breathless and flustered as we seemed to just blend into different positions. There was no specific time where we stopped and changed our arrangement yet we'd go from her being on top, to me being on top, to her bending this way or that._

_While she was riding me like she was on a bucking bronco, my hands holding her hips firmly as I thrust up meeting with a slap of skin as she slammed back down on me, I noticed another pair of hands snake from behind her back and rest over mine. I stared at them for a moment while Bella bounced and moaned._

_They were distinctly feminine, soft hands, the fingers long and slender, each tipped with manicured nails. As I stared I realised I'd seen these hands before, and when I saw the diamond ring on her finger I knew whose hands they were._

_Bella slowed, panting for breath, a small sheen appearing over her brow and chest. Her movement changed into just the rocking and rolling of her hips, grinding down against me, "Edward, you feel so good," she groaned._

"_Ah, Edward, you do feel so good. I think I'd know better than anyone, hm. I hope you're just using this little thing as a warm up so you're ready for me." Unable to physically stop my body from moving, I felt my stomach sink a little as I saw Tanya's head appear perched upon Bella's shoulder. Bella didn't even flinched, she just continued rocking and making her small gasps and whimpers._

_Tanya moved her hands from over mine, a wicked grin in place as she leant into Bella's ear and whispered something, looking in my direction before giggling and kissing her just under her ear. Again, Bella was completely unaffected and continued contently. Another two pairs of hands appeared on her body, both darker against her skin. Tanya stepped aside and just watched me while two more women appeared on either side of Bella._

_It was like the fucking ghost of fuckings past or some shit. _

_On one side Jessica was squeezing and poking at Bella's tits while Andrea stood on the other side, stroking her hair, "Gorgeous, when's it my turn? Jessie wants you so bad, baby. I've been waiting for, like, ever," Jessica complained, frowning a little before adding, "Her boobs are smaller than mine."_

_Andrea didn't say anything but she winked at me, pulling up the edge of her uniform enough for me to see she wasn't wearing any underwear. The two then went and stood beside Tanya, briefly sharing knowing glances before staring directly at me and Bella._

_It felt as though my body no longer belonged to me, my hands were glued to Bella's hips and everything else was working on its own. She began picking up her tempo, once we seemed to find a good rhythm, we lost it again as she increased her speed. Her moans became louder and I could feel myself building up in climax, only spurred on by the fact I could feel her walls begin to clench every now and again._

_She was close. So was I._

_Tanya, Jessica, Andrea and two more girls I vaguely remember fucking some time within the last two years, were all standing at the edge of the bed. _

_Watching._

"_Oh god, Edward," Bella shrieked as she came close to her peak, "I love you… I fucking lov-… oh my god."_

_The five women who had previously been silent all then looked at me desperately, some shaking their heads, others trying to plead with me, "What about me?" was said multiple times along with, "I love you", "tell me you love me" and "You said we were special together"._

_There was a torrent of female voices yapping in my head and it was completely killing my climatic stage, yet I kept going._

"_Oh, god, I'm-"_

_Tanya was the first to start, "Edward, you do still love me right? I know I wasn't good but you can help me be a better person, right? You still want me?"_

"_I think you need cleaning more than your room does. I could lick you down." Andrea said flirtatiously, winking again._

"_You loved these," Jessica pushed her tits together, not that they weren't pulled together enough already, "you can still have them, Edward. You can have them any time you want, babe."_

"_Edward…" while Bella fell apart on top of me, I struggled with my own culmination as well as all the noise in the room._

_Bella, Tanya, Andrea, Jessica._

_Jessica, Andrea, Tanya, Bella._

_I only wanted Bella, she was all I wanted, so why the fuck where the others clouding up my brain with shit?_

_Squeezing my eyes shut, I tried to close out all of their talking and moaning and whimpering, until my dick was literally about to explode along with my brain. I couldn't hold out anymore._

---

"Fuck…" I gasped, sitting up in my bed in a mild state of panic. Heavy breathing, cold sweat, motherfucker I hadn't had a nightmare like that since I realised there would come a day where the hot Baywatch lifeguards would be taken out of slow motion and off of the TV, forcing me to find a new way of getting my boob fix.

That happened when I was fourteen and just getting to grips with my 'new toy', literally. I honestly wondered why penises didn't come with an instruction manual. The first time I had a good ol' go at the five finger shuffle, I thought I'd broken my dick when I came and didn't do it again for another two months.

The point was that was undoubtedly one of the most fucked up dreams… nightmares I'd had in a long time. On the fucked up scale I'd say that was a seven and a half, maybe an eight. And I count that as pretty damn weird. Had Bella been dead or something while I was shagging her, now that would have been seriously _fucked up._

Still, I woke up angsty, disturbed and with a dick as hard as rock.

Groaning in distaste at my hardened member, I decided to just forget about it and get on with life. Bella was coming back later in the afternoon and I had time to do nothing until then. Just like I'd done more or less every day. Work was boring and still competitive; Selena the Slut had upped her game and I was pretty sure she had something on the CEO of the company, which was quite a feat on her part, but not so much on mine.

There was no way in hell I was getting that promotion.

She just came out of fucking nowhere and copied everything I did, except she did it better. Sometimes she didn't necessarily do it better, she just did it with this stupid poise and flare of hers that got everyone pissing their pants. I couldn't be fucked with it anymore. I get that you work your way up, and sometimes it takes years, and sometimes people get in your way, but this was just ridiculous.

I'd been working _so_ fucking hard for this, _so fucking hard._

Normally, when thinks got to me, I tried to let it go or let it eat me up on the inside for a while. Build up my anxiety and anger and whatever the hell I did. But this was too fucking much, this was just depressing. I was just watching the job I'd spent years getting to, the job I _deserved_, being handed over to someone who cared more for the places she reach by fucking everything than the company.

To distract my mind work and all the boring shit that came with it, I instead tried to make sense of my dream, nightmare, what-the-fuck-ever. I didn't dream much, or more I didn't usually remember my dreams. The medication I used to have for my anxiety stopped them from happening and for some reason now they only ever seemed to be remembered once in a blue moon. The last two times I had them I told Bella about them. They weren't particularly exciting; it just got brought up in conversation.

Still, she made it out that dreams are really fucking revealing about your mind, and I didn't believe her until she started analysing mine. Apparently she read a few books on dreams when she used to spend her life in the library. She basically said I worried too much, I was overly anxious when I needn't be, I'm frightened of being alone, I don't have a sense of direction – she wasn't entirely sure what in exactly – and that scares me, as well as commitment apparently, and I'm a control freak. But I'm a kind man.

Stick 'Hi I'm Edward Cullen, I'm twenty eight, single father' at the beginning and that sounds like the perfect application to a dating agency. What women don't love those qualities in a man?

I didn't believe her anyway. Well I did a bit. Not all of it… I'm not a control freak.

But remembering how Bella had drawn up certain conclusions – or arguably _accusations_… - I think I got what my subconscious was trying to show me via some fucked up dream. And I think I got the whole 'commitment' shit from what Bella had said. I thought, how could I have been married and started a family if I had commitment issues? But now I thought about it I think it was the re-committing I was scared of. I'd done it before and the whole thing turned out a sham and if I'm being brutally honest, breaking up with someone's a fucking killer. Even if it was Tanya and she was an alcoholic, at some point in my life I loved her so much that above every other woman I knew, I wanted to make her my wife.

And I did. But things changed.

And divorce was just so much fun...

If I really loved Bella, I was going to have to drop the whole '_I'm single and free and can fuck whoever the hell I want' _attitude.

It was fun for a while. Maybe I was just rebelling, trying to relive the youth that had been taken away so early. Working up in my job and my family meant my early twenties were too demanding for me to really 'live a little'.

While all my friends went to college or bummed around, went to clubs, lived vicariously, slept with anything beautiful, I was married and building a life. And I'm grateful for the opportunities I got, and if I hadn't have started early I know I wouldn't be where I am now. I'd spent the last year being a dick to make up for lost time, but now I think it was time for me to just grow the fuck up. For good.

I had too many responsibilities to just fuck about.

I'm a father, a son, a brother in ways, a friend, a boss, a lover…

I think it was about time to saddle up for the long run, or at least show her I was willing to. We were having a baby for god's sake.

_And why does heck 'saddle up' sound so derogatory when referring to a person?_

---

I continued to think over my dream while I sat in the kitchen, drinking my coffee, reading the paper and trying to ignore both Tanya and Meg's argument.

"It's your job, can you please hurry up with it, I've been in here for fifteen minutes already. I just want some food,"Tanya complained loudly. I sighed, turning the newspaper, trying to read up on current affairs instead of listening in.

Sometimes I ask myself, _what the fuck am I doing? Why am I here in a house full of crazed females? Why do I put myself through so much torture?_

I'd thought about moving into my apartment permanently, but I'd have to take Olivia with me obviously. Alice followed me wherever, the dog would have to come, Meg would probably stop by and so my whole 'escape' plan was foiled before I'd even so much as thought it through properly.

"I'm sorry to burst your bubble, sweetheart, but it's not actually my job, as such, anymore. I have other things to do around the house. You should know this kitchen just as well as I do, I've seen you going through the cupboards countless times. Make something yourself. If you want someone to be at your beck and call feel free to eat out, 'cause it sure ain't gunna be me," Meg snorted.

They both looked at me; Tanya with her arms folded and a scowl in place and Meg holding a few papers in her hand. Like I was going to do something. I wasn't, Meg had told me on many occasions how she was capable of standing up for herself, and I currently couldn't give a crap for Tanya so I let them continue.

As the week progressed, it had become increasingly obvious that aggression and irritation were directly linked to Tanya's lack of alcohol. As far as I knew, she hadn't taken it out on Olivia, but Alice had already had three showdowns with her in the space of two days, and I'd heard the cleaners, drivers, people she talked to on the phone, even the pets getting the back-end of her foul moods. And now Meg.

It was always like this with Tanya, it started off fine but as time progressed she digressed. I frequently wondered what the hell happened to her…

"Here," Meg opened a cupboard, taking out a plate and pushing it over the work surface near to where Tanya was stood, "Go crazy."

Tanya narrowed her eyes, "There's nothing on it," she said irritably.

"Sure there is. There's air, you have an imagination don't you? You have a six year old daughter so you should have. Anything could be on that plate, anything you want, and the best thing is it's got absolutely zero calories," Meg took an imaginary piece of cutlery patronisingly shovelling her 'food' into her mouth, "Mm, delicious."

"You and Alice are quite the comedians aren't you," tucking loose strands of her hair behind her ears, Tanya picked up the plate, purposely brushing past Meg as she made her way to the fridge, "If anyone should be including air into their diet I think it should be you rather than _me_."

I looked up from reading and looked at both of them. Tanya was still looking moody as she piled various things from the fridge onto her plate while Meg was laughing quietly to herself, "Will the both of you shut up or take it somewhere else? I'm getting a bit sick of being the unfortunate guy who has to keep breaking these up."

For a moment they both turned to face me again, then they went back to what they were doing. I was ignored.

"Are you insinuating I have a few more rolls than the bakery?" Meg laughed.

"I'm not insinuating, that is what I am saying, yes," Tanya sneered.

Meg looked down at herself, poking her marginally plump stomach, "I've grown quite fond of these actually. I know that if I ever get put in a situation where I'm starving, I'll live longer than you. These bad boys will feed me for a while," she laughed again, grabbing a handful of her side. "Sorry, I love myself too much, and so does my husband. More to hold on to if you get what I'm saying…"

"That's disgusting," Tanya snorted while Meg smirked wickedly, "I'm sure 'the more to hold onto thing' will work as an advantage when he's trying to get you from on top of him."

"You're probably right," Meg mused, "he prefers being on top, so maybe it would be helpful to move into a different position…"

"My ears and my mind's eyes are bleeding," I said, trying in vain to erase pictures of Meg naked and straddling her husband. _Scarred._

Again I was ignored.

"Oh god, that is vile," Tanya pulled a face of revulsion at her.

"That's your opinion," she shrugged, flitting through what she had in her hand before looking up and grinning, "Edward doesn't seem to think it's vile," wow, she actually realised I was still sitting here. Obviously didn't hear what I'd said though. "I think it's rather beautiful. And at least _I'm_ getting some, sweetheart."

Tanya glared as Meg turned around and picked up the tea cup from the counter behind her, taking a sip while raising her eyebrows almost tauntingly as she glanced over. And of course Tanya reacted, going on and on and in too much detail about how she was, in fact, sexually active. I didn't give a shit and I don't think Meg did either; she just enjoyed winding her up.

But I couldn't sit there listening to them both going on about it. All I knew and all I cared about was the fact my dick was working just fine still, Bella was proof of that.

Tanya was my ex-wife and Meg was my friend as well as housekeeper. I really didn't want to know.

I escaped out of the kitchen, not really sure what I was going to do now my brunch routine had been ruined and my manhood had been distressed. Being all wrapped up in my gloominess over my lack of peace, I went about slinking away up the stairs.

Until I put my hand on the banister, I had been totally unaware of there even being other people around me until there was an odd silence, one that I then assumed had previously been filled with talking. I frowned, turned around and then froze.

I was 95% sure I was awake, and I was certain that it was exactly thirty seven minutes past eleven in the morning _not _five o'clock or any time past that in the evening. Yet there she was, Bella, being all… Bella. Lovely and glowing and all of the other nice stuff you're supposed to be while pregnant. Although I'm sure she'd look like it anyway whether she was pregnant or not. In fact, I knew she did.

Descending the two steps I'd managed to climb before realising anything, I stood at the bottom of the stairs in awe of her. And really confused as to what the hell she was doing here so early. Mainly in awe though. She was like my dream; all cream and brown and navy blue. She wasn't a blur though, I could see her clearly.

Her long brown hair cascaded down the sides of her face, resting nicely over her breasts. I'd forgotten just how long it was, the very tips of her hair reached the top of her abdomen and that was with it naturally curly. God knows how long it would be if it was straight. Her skin was a little browner than before, she was still reasonably creamy but she had a healthy, sun-kissed glow to her.

And she was wearing my favourite colour and she looked so fucking good in it too. A light, navy blue summer dress, eerily like the one in my dream but I dismissed that thought. It went in at all the right places, her tits being one of them. It made them look all voluptuous and gorgeous.

I stared at her for longer than I should have while making my appraisal, not really realising I was doing it until she smiled sweetly at me and I found myself being drawn to her, smiling back like a fool. Eventually I was standing just in front of her and I could smell her. She _did_ smell like Forks sunshine. We just stood there, smiling at each other like we both knew something the other didn't.

"We're having a moment," she said after a while, her eyes looking directly into mine. Soft, brown and warm.

"What?" She rolled her eyes, looking down for a moment as she laughed quietly to herself.

"We're having a _moment_," she stated again, gesturing between us although her eyes didn't move from mine again.

"Oh right, yeah, we are. We haven't had one in a while," I said absently as I gazed at her.

"We have them all the time, Edward," her smile grew so much, it looked as if she held it for much longer her face would start to hurt, "You didn't say hello…"

"…Huh?" I sounded like a fucking idiot but my brain just wasn't connected right now, "Oh, yeah… hi." I took a step closer to her, wrapping my arms around her middle, bringing her closer to my body.

"Hi," she uttered, moving her arms up to wrap around my neck, gently caressing the side of my face with her thumb.

After a moment silence, I went to speak, "How come you're earl-" but I was cut short by an excited six year old coming down the stairs, like she was Jesus or something with her growing band of followers, Kitty and now Hammy too. In just seconds Bella and I had parted, standing beside each other like nothing just happened as Olivia came bounding into her, hugging her tightly.

She glanced at me and smiled before acting just as excited as Olivia was. Although I really don't think it was all an act, she seemed genuinely thrilled to see her. I heard someone clear their throat beside me and jumped a little which I then tried to hide because… well what the fuck, men don't _jump_.

"When the fuck did you get there?" I asked Alice with a frown. She was looking all smug and superior as she sighed and raised a perfectly sculpted eyebrow.

"You say it like I just intruded on something, Edward. I was standing there the whole time, _you_ just intruded on _our_ conversation," she said, a ghost of a smile on her face.

"Oh…" I scratched the back of my head, looking over at Bella who was having some grand re-union with her cat that included a lot of purring, cooing and kisses, "I guess I didn't see you there."

"I guess you didn't." Alice pinched my sides and I smiled at her dubiously over her randomly playful action. She just shrugged as we watched. I tilted my head to the side as I looked at Bella's middle, taking her hand and holding it up as I scrutinized her. She held her cat in one arm as though he were a baby while she looked down at herself, then to me with confusion.

"What?" she asked, her brow furrowing. Both Olivia and Alice looked at me and then to Bella who was obviously getting uncomfortable with all the attention, "What?" she asked again.

"You're bigger…" I said slowly, just as the goofy smile that I'd missed having graced my face once again.

"Oh," Bella rolled her eyes, laughing a little, "funny that, I was under the impression that maybe something was growing inside me. But what do I know," she said sarcastically. "I'm not that much bigger I don't think…"

"Considering you've been away for five days, I think you are," I laughed.

"I think he's right," Alice agreed. Bella looked down and pouted.

"Maybe… I don't know, I've been eating the entire contents of Forks. I think they're glad to see the back of me. There's probably not any ice-cream left in Washington State."

Olivia stood in front of her, trying her hardest to get her hands all the way round her but failing, "Woah, I don't think I can…" she tried stretching, her efforts obvious from the strained noises she was making, "I can't do it. You're too big."

"Well I'm only going to get bigger and bigger." Bella put her hands on the bottom of her belly and smiled contently down at it.

"Bigger and bigger?" Olivia asked wide-eyed, "Bigger and bigger until you explode?"

"Probably," Bella sighed, nodding seriously. I think she forgot sometimes that six year olds and sarcasm don't go together well.

Olivia stood with her mouth agape, but then she brushed her hair from her face and looked a little upset, "But I don't want you to explode... Will the baby explode too? I don't think that's a good idea, Bella."

"She wasn't being serious, no-one's going to explode," I said rolling my eyes and hopefully clearing the situation. I'd tried explaining sarcasm to Olivia once before and it just ended in her getting upset that everyone lied to each other. She didn't talk to Alice for a day because she was the most sarcastic and therefore the worse liar. I think it's safe to say I failed there.

"I'm about to explode." We all turned to see an irritated Tanya march from the kitchen, about to go off on a tangent when she stopped suddenly, staring directly at Bella. My stomach felt as if it had fallen into my shoes as this was the only meeting I did not want taking place, and yet here we all were. Nearly all the women in my life gathered in what now felt like such a small space.

Was I the only one getting anxious about it? Probably.

"Oh…" Tanya said, obviously looking Bella up and down. Alice sighed loudly as she glared at her with narrow eyes. I found myself also narrowing my eyes at her almost automatically. And Bella looked momentarily lost in it all, totally unaware that her presence was most likely fuelling whatever fire Tanya had burning.

"I was just looking for you, Edward, actually," she said, her eyes lingering a while on Bella before she looked to me. She was grinding her teeth together, I could tell because she did that when she was pissed off and it looked as if she was chewing on something.

"And you have to tell me whatever it is right now?"

"Probably not, but I'm going to anyway. Two things, both you'll dislike I'm sure. One, you have the most _rude_, _disrespectful, irresponsible _people employed. _Still_. I suggest you get rid of them or at least lower their wages, something to set them in their place." She emphasised the last of her sentence while glowering at Alice who, in turn, did the same back.

"Right, well, that's not going to happen so, number two?"

"Two," she paused, crossing her hands over her chest and standing straight, "two, I don't want my daughter surrounded by these sorts of people. I don't think it's good for her well-being. So, I'm calling _my_ lawyer because I want custody."

My jaw tensed as I looked at her. _Her well-being, what the fuck was she talking about_?

"Well… you won't get it," I said calmly.

"I'm pretty sure I have some kind of advantage being her mother, Edward,"

"And I'm pretty sure you lost those when you became an alcoholic." There was an awkward silence.

Yet another one of her plans to be centre of attention or something. I just didn't know why she had to drag Olivia into it. On what basis did she even have to claim custody? Hanging around with the wrong sorts of people? They don't have criminal records or bad habits, she just didn't like them. That's not a reason.

"Hey Livvy, you wanna help me find the frosting so we can finish decorating those cakes?" Meg spoke up from behind Tanya, brushing past her as she smiled at Olivia. I knew it wasn't really a question that needed an answer, she was just trying to remove her from the scene and for that I was grateful.

Once they were out of earshot I turned back to look at Tanya. In my peripheral vision I could see Bella looking between us and slowly beginning to gravitate towards me. "You have no reason to get custody."

"Yes I do, I want to see my daughter more. I want to know her properly and I don't want her to grow up under the influence of _these_ sorts of people." She waved her hand around.

"So we can organise you seeing her more often, for longer, whatever. Growing up under _your_ influence is supposed to be a lot better? I don't think it is. She's better off here, more well-rounded and comfortable. Why would you want to take her out of that?"

"I don't just 'want to see her more'. I'm missing out on my daughter, it's not fair," she spoke loudly, frowning.

"That's your own fault," I growled back at her, "You're not taking her away from me. You wouldn't win anyway."

"If I'm sober for a year, and attending therapy multiple times a week, I think you'll find I actually do have a chance. Especially with my lawyers, and I'd rather wait for one year than the twelve she'd be legally bonded to you for." I clenched my fists, getting obviously angered by her. "Don't have a temper tantrum about it Edward, it'll just be something I can use against you," she smiled smugly.

I was about to have a fucking temper tantrum. I wanted to punch her in the face for even mentioning any of this. I wasn't sure what I was about to blurt out of my mouth but I could feel my anger rising.

But then I felt a hand intertwining its way into mine and, as if it were a tap, my anger just started leaking out through it. Controlled, invisible and quietly. Bella squeezed my hand softly, putting her other hand over it. I looked at her and she was frowning as she looked towards Tanya.

"I think Olivia should be wherever she's happiest and safest. And as far as I can tell, that's here," she spoke quietly, biting the inside of her lip when she'd finished.

"Uh-huh, well, it's good I'm not asking for your opinion then, isn't it. I know you think you can play happy families or whatever the hell it is your doing with Edward, but you are not part of _my_ family, so don't involve yourself. No-one was talking to you." Bella looked down and raised her eyebrows, decidedly stepping out of the conversation.

"Tanya-" I started angrily but Alice got in before I did.

"Oh for god's sake Tanya, will you get over yourself already? You sound pathetic, Olivia is perfectly happy here. This is the best place she can be, she's surrounded by people that love her. And I've been here longer than Olivia has, I know what you're both like and currently Edward is a lot higher than you on the 'more capable parent' scale. A year can change your habits, not your personality. And you might not like or want to hear Bella's opinion, but that's probably because what she's saying is true."

"And don't you dare talk to Bella like that again otherwise I _will_ kick you out of my house," I seethed, "I'm fed up of you creating unnecessary drama, it's childish and boring. If you want to attempt to get custody of Olivia then you can go ahead, and if you get anywhere, which I doubt you will, then I'll fight you. I can get just as good a lawyer as you can. I'm not about to hand over my daughter to you."

There was silence again. Tanya was staring at mine and Bella's hands and scowling. Alice was standing defensively behind Bella, while Bella was turned in to face me, her free arm protectively covering her stomach.

Surprisingly she was the one to break the silence eventually, "I think you should go…" she said to Tanya although she didn't turn to face her.

"I don't need to be told twice," Tanya replied, her mouth forming a tight line. Alice, Bella and I all stepped aside as she walked past. I didn't want to risk her elbowing Bella or something stupid, so I made sure that was a larger gap between the two than anyone else. "I can see where your priorities are," she huffed at me.

"Those I love are my main priority. You'd do well to remember that instead of just thinking about yourself and what you want all the time." She looked at me for a long time before she disappeared up the stairs. I was just happy she wasn't around anymore.

"Well," Alice sighed eventually.

I shook my head trying to calm myself down after getting worked up, "It could have been worse. I haven't a clue where she comes out with this shit though. If she wants to take me to court she can, it's just pointless…" I sighed and tilted my head towards Bella so my brow rested on hers. She gave a small smile but I noticed her cheeks were filled with colour and her whole face looked a bit flustered.

"What's wrong?" I asked, wondering whether or not I should be concerned.

"Nothing, just what you said was quite… nice. I was just thinking about something and I guess my face decided to turn on. Which is really fucking great," she groaned.

Alice and I both laughed as she stood with her face hidden, waiting for the colour to reside. When it did she pulled away and pouted, "It's not funny," she whined, "it's really embarrassing. My face just lights up for no reason."

"You're so odd, Bella," Alice laughed.

"I think it's pretty cute," I said shrugging and kissing the tip of her nose.

"Oh shush, it's definitely not cute or endearing in any way," she scowled, attempting to hit my arm but I skilfully moved it out of the way, grabbed her around her waist, or as much as I could, and pulled her into my chest. She had to move herself slightly to one side so I could hug her properly which she giggled about.

"I missed you," I whispered to her, kissing the top of her hair. She looked up at me a smiled.

"You know I was laughing because you were getting angsty about me being away for five days?" I narrowed my eyes as Alice snorted in amusement. I thought I was just being caring, there is nothing wrong with that. "Well five days was too long. I missed you too much. I cried because I missed you, that's pathetic. I'm nearly twenty five."

She pouted again and I couldn't help myself as she pushed out her bottom lip, I had to kiss her. So I did, irrespective of Alice still standing there. Fuck that, I'd missed her too much.

"Oh for goodness sake, you think now you've kind of outed yourselves this is acceptable? This is not acceptable, tone down the PDA before I throw up," she complained, swatting both of our sides.

I could feel Bella smiling against my lips as I pressed them against hers. She was so soft and sweet and lovely, I didn't want to stop. I missed the warmth of her skin, the smell of her hair and the taste of her kiss. I missed her eyes and her nose and her everything.

It may have been a tad ridiculous and somewhat clichéd, but Isabella Swan currently possessed my mind, my arms, my legs, my dick, my entire being. But possibly the most pitiable thing about it was that I don't think I'd come to terms with just _how much_ she owned me.

In a short space of time, I'd let this wonderfully weird, generally happy, baffling, cat-loving, 'organised-mess'-making, snarky woman, who was not at all the type of woman I would conventionally go for, into my life, into my house, into my heart. She didn't emit confidence, she didn't wear ostentatious clothing or jewellery worth more than an arm and a leg, she wasn't loud and she wasn't noticeably exuberant.

She was just everything good and shit, but predominantly good, rolled into this _thing_ I didn't realise I needed until it was too late and I got addicted.

That's what I am; addicted.

_Hi, I'm Edward Cullen and I am a Bella Swan addict. I've been without her for the past four, five days and I've suffered withdrawal symptoms; mild depression, anxiety, trouble sleeping. I don't think I want to give her up. I probably need help…_

We only pulled away when we felt two small arms holding onto our middle and a comment about Bella being 'too big'. I looked down to see Olivia contently hugging the both of us with a little smile on her face. I wasn't entirely sure what I was supposed to do here and by Bella's face, I was guessing she didn't know either.

"Does this mean you really are marrying Bella now?" She asked, looking up at both, wide-eyed as she awaited an answer. I looked at Bella and sighed deeply while she giggled.

"No, this does not mean I'm marrying Bella now," I told her.

"Mm," she twisted her mouth from side to side, "Does this mean Bella can be here more often?"

"Bella's here all of the time anyway," Alice snorted.

"Mmmmm…" She seemed to be thinking something over in her head _for once_ instead of verbalising it, and when she was done she smiled widely and held up a nicely decorated cupcake with blue frosting. "Do you want some of the cupcakes me and Meg made… Meg and _I _made. They have blue frosting and sparkly stuff and we made loads and loads."

Bella looked at me, trying to suppress a grin, "So I'm not going to lie, I ate, like, three hours ago, but I am starving and cake is sounding so good right now."

"Well then, cake we shall have." I smiled, taking both of their hands.

"I'd rather not," Alice said, putting her hand up as if to excuse herself.

"You can eat air instead, Alice," I laughed, mainly to myself seeing as she wasn't there, but Meg obviously heard me and shouted from the direction of the kitchen.

"_Don't start that again, Edward_."

---

"So, they're the twelve names I narrowed it down to, you need to narrow it down to six." Bella was lying in my bed, rolled onto one side, chomping away on her fifth cupcake. It turned out that Olivia wasn't exaggerating when she said they'd made a lot. Bella was quite thankful because she could eat a lot of them without feeling like the fat person and no-one would notice.

"Why do I have to do it?" I said, watching her warily as she broke a bit of the cake she was eating off and dropped it in her mouth. She'd handed me her notebook where she had a collection of names scrawled messily on the lines.

"Compensation, remember," she told me, as she broke off another piece of cake.

"Hmm," I looked closer at the names, taking the pen from her and underlining the six I liked best, "You'd better not be dropping crumbs..." I said while testing names out in my head. _Jack Cullen? Jack Cullen. Say it quickly and it's Jacqueline… I'm not going to let my son be bullied over that. No._

I could hear her frantically wiping off the bed sheets and I smiled, deciding on changing the conversation so she didn't think I cared too much about the crumbs. Although I did. No-one likes sleeping in a bed full of crumbs. "So, Forks. How was it?"

She sighed, but I couldn't tell if it was a contented or disappointed sigh, "Honestly, it was both amazing and terrible."

I looked over at her as she rearranged my pillows behind her so she could sit up like I was. "Start with the terrible," I told her.

"I'm starting with the amazing… I know you're supposed to do it the other way round but if I end up crying or something, I don't want to be all sombre while telling you the good stuff." She smiled at me, and I nodded for her to continue. What it was that could ruin her perky mood concerned me, and I figured it was something to do with Charlie…

"So," she began cheerfully, "so, so, amazing, but I went out with Sue to the grocery store – oh and she can't wait to meet you, she's so lovely – anyway, one of her friends was in the store with her daughter who, coincidentally lives in New York. Anyway, we got talking and it turns out she's really into art. _Really_ into it, like she collects and has friends in high places and all that. Anyway," she paused, smiling so hard I was sure she was going to burst or cry or both.

"Anyway…?"

"Sue told her that I do art… and I had some stuff I'd finished while I was there at home. She ended up seeing my sketchbook and she loved one of my drawings and said she would _buy it off of me_ – yeah, I know right! But it's my sketchbook and… I couldn't let her have it so I showed her some of the other stuff I'd done. She bought two paintings off of me… for real money! And like, no-one has ever bought anything but candy… and weed… from me. And she said she's going to mention me to some people or something… and. Oh my god, it was amazing."

"Are you serious?" I said with a wide smile in place, the list of names temporarily forgotten. She nodded excitably, "Bella, that's amazing! I'm so proud of you!" Her smile dimmed a little as a flush of rose appeared on her cheeks and she bit her lip. Still, I just continued to gush over her until she insisted on telling me in detail everything later, but she needed to carry on.

She told me about meeting people she used to be friends with, she randomly mentioned seeing Mike but she didn't linger on him long, she said they left on good terms and all was well between them. She told me she'd starting a new painting and written an extensive list she on the plane home.

"I have a thing for lists, I have a million of them in my apartment. I stick them to the walls, and my frid-"

"I know, I've seen them…" I said inattentively, still putting names together in my mind. _Benjamin Cullen? Ben Cullen? Lil Benny C?_

"Yeah, well, we need to sort out or at least think about a birthing plan… which will be fun. And we need to sort out the nursery… and like, you're ok, I'm guessing, with having a room here but I don't have another room… I guess I'll just have to move things… hmm…" I quirked an eyebrow as she mused aloud before shaking her head and continuing, "Um, I need to go to the opticians. And are we going to go those birthing classes?"

"Do you want to go? We'll go if you want to…" _Damien Cullen? Damien as in the devilchild in the Omen? Uh… no… _

"Did Tanya go?" she asked, I shook my head. Tanya hadn't wanted to go to them so we never did. "Ok… well, maybe we will go. I booked it just in case at the one that is supposedly really good... I'll ask Rose about it. Um…"

"What was the terrible thing in Forks?" Lowering the notebook, I looked over at her quizzically.

"Oh, um, Charlie…" I rolled my eyes as she continued, "He was just… I don't know. I told him everything and I thought, I was actually really hoping he'd come round… but I guess he didn't want to." She slumped down a little, staring at her hands while she fiddled with her fingers, "He puts such a downer on everything and I just don't understand why. He only does it to me."

Her breathing started to pick up in that way it did when she was about to start crying. "And, I was so excited for once about something. And…" _stuttered breaths_. I put the notebook down again. "He was supposed to be happy for me, _for once_." _Tears_.

I sighed, putting my arm around her shoulders and bringing her into my embrace, "He just thinks I've ruined my life but I _haven't_ ruined it." She cried quietly, covering her face with her hand, the other still holding her half eaten cupcake. I tried to prise her hand away from her face but she wasn't having any of it. Eventually I managed to pull a few fingers away so I could see one of her eyes, watery and sad.

"Oh Bella," I sighed, kissing the top of her head, "Is that all of the terrible?" She shook her head, a small sob emitting from her chest but she didn't say anything. "Are you going to tell me?" She nodded her head but then thought differently and shook it. I smiled. "Are you sure?"

And then I set her of, "I was… and… when… the dock…not… sunglasses… sorry… Scrabble…"

I couldn't understand what she was saying, but whatever it was she was just getting continually worked up about it. Maybe she had been molested by a squirrel and the experience was all too traumatic? It wasn't that she was upset that I was now finding funny, it was her muttering and then increased crying. I didn't understand it. In fact she'd got to the point where she was muttering incoherent words and crying almost hysterically.

And over what, I didn't fucking know. I was just hearing random words that made absolutely no sense together. It was funny, it was scary. It was pregnancy in all its hormonal glory.

"Bella, love, I haven't a clue what you're saying." She took her hands away from her face but still covered her mouth as she muttered and mumbled and tears streamed down her flushed cheeks.

"When… I realised… you… unicorn… Sue… Abercrombie… thick..."

"Baby, stop, breathe. Talk normally," I told her, placing both my hands on her shoulder to calm her down. And she was still holding the damn cupcake while she cried over words that meant nothing to me. She removed her hand suddenly and put it to her stomach, a small smile appearing on her face while she attempted to slow her breathing.

"He's kicking me really hard," she half stuttered, half laughed.

I put my hand over hers and laughed, "You're completely crazy you know. Wonderfully so, you're just… I haven't a clue what the hell it is you're going on about."

"Neither do I anymore," she murmured after a few seconds, still crying.

"You're a psycho preggo," I laughed again.

She pouted and smiled at the same time and I couldn't tell if she was finding this upsetting or funny, "I know, I am," she was laughing but she was still crying. I wiped her tears away with the pad of my thumb and shook my head and I stared at a pitiable expression. She was hormonal, a little sad and probably very tired after her travelling, it was never going to end well.

"Isabella Swan," I laugh-sighed, "You're ridiculous but," I tucked a loose strand back into her hair, letting my fingers gently brush her face before taking them away, "I love you." She made a weird squeaky, whiney noise and I could see her eyes prickling with tears once more, "Hey, don't even think about cryi-"

And then, out of nowhere she was on me. Well, her lips were crushed against mine, and her tears were dampening my cheek and her scent was everywhere. She was giving me so much more of _something_ than she usually did, she was even still sobbing a little as she kissed me. She moved her free hand to the back of my head and held me to her. I couldn't move and I didn't want to. I found when she pulled away, I'd been rendered speechless. I couldn't fucking breathe.

Like she'd sucked all the air out of me with a kiss and I was just kind of… sitting there in my bed, thinking, _Dude_.

And then she said it. She fucking said it, really quietly from behind her hand in a quiet sob, "I love you, too."

. . .

"I love you, Edward," she said again, a little desperately. Probably willing a response that didn't seem to be coming from me.

I couldn't speak because my heart was thumping so hard it was in my mouth, clogging my airways. I couldn't move because there was a huge swelling in my body that seemed to be obstructing the connection of my spinal chord. And I couldn't fucking breathe because I'm sure my lungs just exploded.

_Motherfucker, she loves me. She fucking loves me. _Me.

She scooted a little closer to me, the paralyzed cocksucker still gaping at her, "I mean it," she sniffled, "I'm not going to say sorry. I'm not going to take it back, and I'm already crying, so…" She wiped another fallen tear from her face and pressed her forehead against mine, a smile on her lips.

Looking down briefly she picked up the notepad and looked at the names, "Ethan, Joshua, Aidan, Elijah, Theo and Adrian…" She peered back up at me our brows still touching, "They were my favourites too." Her eyelashes gently fluttered on her skin each time she blinked, and I wanted to… dammit I didn't know what I wanted to do.

I wanted to stay in this bed and eat her just so I'd have her forever. So I could have her just like this, crying for little reason and still looking beautiful. And I still fucking loved her and possibly even more knowing my affections were returned. Oh god, the feeling of having it returned was immense. Immense was a fucking understatement.

"I love you," she whispered her lips waiting for something from my own. I smiled widely, letting her wait, before she looked up at me and pouted.

"So help me god, I love you Isabella Swan, but if you think you are kissing me again with a fucking cupcake in your hand you are sorely mistaken. Put the goddamn cupcake down. You're dropping crumbs _everywhere_."

**I know right, FINA-FUCKING-LLY! Now, I ask three things of you if you would be so kind. 1) There is a poll for baby names on my profile. Those are the six, love 'em, hate 'em, I don't really care, boys names are the hardest so vote for what you want.**

**2) My one-shot: **P.P.P.S. I Love You- http://www(.)fanfiction(.)net/s/5318429/1/PPPS_I_love_you **- If you haven't read it, please do. I cried my eyes out writing it SERIOUSLY. It's a T but I'm thinking of changing it to an M for the sake of it because... ugh. Anyway, I'd love to hear what the ladies that read this think of it. I think it's best if you're listening to a depressing playlist.**

**3)Review. It's an addiction, please feed it.**

**I hope you're all well, Happy 2010! You know you love me, XOXO  
**


	26. Dog Days Are Over

**So, hey there, nearly a month later I decide to update. About freakin' time right. Thanks to everyone as per, especially to those new readers, good to see you're on board! Real life is getting in the way which is just so not cool, thus my updates seemed to have slowed :( Also, I've became somewhat addicted to reading Master of the Universe… I recommend it FOR SURE.  
**

**In other news; I know I'm like, three weeks too late, but I hope you're stomach bug cleared up ok ange de l'aube. Reds-red, I always love your reviews, and congrats about your daughter, exciting :) Everyone else; me loves you. Especially Julia. Sigh.  
**

**Song: Dog Days Are Over – Florence & The Machine**

**BPOV**

I missed Edward's arms and the way they'd been wrapped around my middle just moments ago, how they made me feel so safe and warm and wanted. I missed his breath on my neck as he held me to him. I missed the closeness, I missed the love, I missed him.

But I was so at ease and happy and peaceful that I couldn't be bothered to open my eyes and see where he was. I couldn't get over this feeling of contentment. I'm pretty sure it was part of the whole 'love' thing because it was so new and alien to me. There was no doubt I still had to figure everything out, get comfortable with things.

Being in love with Edward was like having a new car, a really awesome, expensive, beautiful car. I just didn't quite know how to drive it yet. My steering was still a little awkward and sometimes I pushed down too much on the brake when I should have been using the acceleration. And it had more buttons and switches than I knew what to do with.

Still, it was nice to just sit in it and bask in the smell of new car. New love. _First _love. Wow.

Smiling to myself, I brought the duvet up to my face and hummed into it complacently.

"Are you awake?" I heard Edward's soft voice from the direction of the door but still didn't open my eyes because I was busy. Busy allowing myself to be engulfed by fuzziness and fluffy crap that made me want to sing.

"Mhm," I hummed, still smiling to myself and hiding my face in the duvet. And since when was I even asleep? "What time is it?" I asked, my voice muffled by the sheets that absolutely reeked of Edward. Oh lord, I wanted to take this home with me as a piece of memorabilia

"It's, uh, half past six," he said, sounding a little surprised himself.

"Oh shit, half past six?" I pulled the covers away from my face so I could look at him, standing there in a grey t-shirt and dark straight legged jeans that hung on his hips, _woah,_ "I've been sleeping for five hours! I thought I was out for a couple minutes… why didn't you wake me?" I grumbled irritably as I took my legs out from their warm spot to the edge of the bed.

My fuzzy moment was temporarily over.

"I've got to go home. I'm messing up my sleeping patterns, I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight," I muttered to myself, frowning up at him as he came to stand in front of me.

"So don't sleep tonight," his mouth tweaked up at the corners into a cheeky smile and it was obvious what he was insinuating, but I was actually genuinely annoyed about sleeping for so long that I didn't pay much attention to his advances. Naps I was ok with, a couple hours were fine. _Five friggin hours_ was a goddamn lifetime.

My frown only deepened, "Yeah, well that would be great but I'm too tired to not sleep, Edward."

"Well then surely you'll be able to sleep tonight …?" He regarded me dubiously as if to say '_what you are saying makes no fucking sense, Bella_' while he laughed. I stopped for a second to think over what I'd said and realised I'd just totally contradicted myself.

"Shut up," I mumbled trying desperately to hide the smile that was trying to break free. I held my cheeks to physically stop it from happening and shook my head, "Don't make me smile when I'm trying to be pissed off with you. You should have woken me up."

"But you looked so beautiful, I couldn't do it," he mewled innocently. And just like that, I was smiling like a complete and utter retard. Like a fool. Where the hell did he even come out with this shit and why the hell did I love it so much?

He smiled, I melted.

I became this sappy mess, it was pathetic. It was wonderful, it was terrible. Oh fucking hell what has he done to me?

I couldn't help myself. I couldn't control my face; it was just all too much.

He put his hands palm down on either side of me, pressing into the mattress as he lowered his face to stroke his nose against mine, "I'm sorry," he uttered, smile intact. I leant forward a little so my forehead was against his and smiled, my heart soaring a million miles off.

Thoughts of Mike briefly flash through my mind, "_If it wasn't so fucking sad I'd say it was pretty funny how oblivious you are, to your own feelings and other peoples."_ He was so right and I was so stupid, so oblivious, living on a planet that just wasn't quite Earth. And I wondered what if I'd missed this? What if I hadn't talked to Sue or went for a walk with Mike, would I be just as oblivious right now?

I sighed, nuzzling my nose against Edwards again, "I hate you."

He raised an eyebrow and then smirked cockily, "You love me."

"I know, that's why I hate you." Again he pulled a face but I ignored it, rolling my eyes momentarily before kissing him chastely, "But," I kissed him again, "I have to go home now… and don't look at me like that, I am going home." His bottom lip jutted out and his eyes widened as if he were a little boy trying to get a cookie off of me.

"Stay," he whispered simply and a small part of me shouted "Ok!" right back at him, but the rational side said otherwise. I didn't want to go, I wanted to stay here with him and revel in this new feeling, but I needed to show my face, make sure my neighbours knew I hadn't just run off, and anyway, I liked my apartment.

"Please?" He knelt down and kissed my bump, "pretty please?" he continued, kissing my stomach again, but nearer the top of the rounding, "with a cherry on top," I smiled as he slowly made his way up my body, "and sprinkles," He kissed the area of skin exposed on my chest from my now thoroughly crinkled dress, "give or take on the chocolate sauce."

He cocked his head to the side, staring at me contemplatively when he reached my face, "Hmm... no, definitely _with_ the chocolate sauce." I laughed, rolling my eyes and trying to hit him away playfully but he'd got to my lips already and I felt all weak and giddy as he kissed me.

"Fine," I whispered reluctantly against his lips, "but this is going to wear off eventually, you know, so don't think you can use it against me forever." He looked at me questioningly, "Oh you know what I'm talking about. This…" I waved my hands around trying to emphasise something I couldn't put into words, "this feeling. Me giving in to your _ways. You've_ made me like this and now I suppose we're going into the honeymoon period of it. But one day I'll wake up and realise that actually, I don't like you that much and you're pretty weird. Like, go see someone, weird."

"Well, until then." He smirked, kissing me again. He was trying to deepen the kiss, trying to suck me in to his seductive ways probably in some attempt to fuck me. But lovely as that thought seemed, and as yummy he tasted on my lips, I still had to go home. The man was so damn influential to me that I could feel any kind of resolve I may have had once upon a time, dissolving to dust.

If Edward Cullen wanted to bed me, then Edward Cullen could bed me.

Just not right now.

"I still need to go home, Edward," I breathed onto his lips, looking up at him now that I was lying back on the bed, "And you need to get off of me or at least let me move because I'm really uncomfortable, just so you know."

It woke and then broke my little ovaries' heart and I could hear them weeping as he sat up and sighed, "Sorry, but can't I take you home later?" As I shook my head and watched his face drop, I couldn't help but imagine his balls crying as well. _Sad times little guys, the girls are feeling the pain too._

"Nuh-uh, I gotta go home. I've got work tomorrow and I have to see Jasper at some point, and if I'm coming back here then I need to get some stuff… like my bus pass. I hate buses but getting on the subway is beginning to make me feel claustrophobic," I mused aloud, standing up and frowning as I tried, and failed, to de-wrinkle my dress.

If Edward was a human iron I could press myself to him and my clothes would be fine. And I'd probably get incredibly hot, knowing me, in both senses of the word. That would be so fucking cool.

"I'll take you tomorrow morning, I've got the weekend off. Are you well enough to be working?" He frowned. I rolled my eyes.

"Am I well enough to have sex with you?" I'll say yes, yes I am, "You don't have to take me, I can make my own way."

"I want to take you," He stood up from the bed and sighed, "And since when were you and Jasper friends? I know you talk sometimes but I didn't know you were as close as you perhaps are?

"Yeah, he's…" I shrugged my shoulders, "He's pretty easy to talk to, so I guess, yeah, we're pretty good friends I think." I chose to miss out the part about the fact Jasper had been taking pictures of me basically since I found out I was pregnant. He'd never directly told me not to mention it to Edward, but it always just seemed like I was meant to keep it on the down low. Not that he told me why- all I knew was he was using me for a project. Project Baby Mama.

"I suppose it makes things easier, that you already know and like each other. You've basically met some of my family. My parents really want to meet you… that wouldn't' be a problem, would it? Meeting my parents sometime soon?"

"Meeting your parents is totally not a problem," I lied, smiling as sweetly as possible to support my statement.

Parents.

I never knew what to do with them. The only parents I'd ever had to deal with were Mike's, and they hated me. Not so much his dad, but his mom would have loved to see me on a skewer. I really didn't want to make a bad impression on Edward's mom, especially since they were so close.

He shook his head and snorted, taking my hand and leading me from his room, "You're a really shitty liar. Although I'd be worried about meeting my parents too, they're _really _hard to please. They hate candy and cats and brunettes. Not really into cooking either and _really_ look down on college drop-outs –"

The feeling of all of the blood draining from my face caused me to stop right in my tracks, still holding onto Edward's hand. He turned to look at me as I swallowed thickly and just blinked back. For a moment he was confused but as realisation dawned on him, his face broke out into a wide smile, "Bella, I was joking," he chuckled.

"Next time can you make your jokes funny, please?" Because that really was hilarious, ha ha ha…

"Well, if it's any consolation, I dropped out of college too."

"You did? I didn't know that," I mumbled

"Mm, I'll tell you about it in the car, it's really not as interesting a story as yours."

I frowned as we started walking again, "Mine isn't interesting, it's just _sad_." As we got to the top of the stairs, he turned around to face me and smiled. I hated not knowing things about Edward; he made me so eager for knowledge but only on the topic of his life.

"I love you," he said simply, and just like that, I smiled. It was like a subconscious reaction. I was really surprised at how hard it was to stop myself my grinning like a love-struck idiot. I was about to chew off my lip in my futile attempt to stop the inevitable. The bubbly feeling and breathlessness came back and I turned into a sap.

"This is going to be so much fun," he laughed to himself as he pressed a delicate kiss to my knuckles, obviously apprehending my reaction correctly. My face was so fucking obvious, it just gave everything away. It just so happened, that in this particular state of giddiness, I couldn't have given a flying shit to what he said. Just as long as it wasn't "I don't love you", I wasn't bothered.

I rolled my eyes albeit somewhat dreamily, "Like I already said Edward, make the most of it now, it won't last forever."

"You don't know that." He shrugged his shoulders, his face suddenly looking serious.

"No, I don't…" I watched him warily as he looked to the side for a moment, staring blankly ahead before looking back at me with a smile. It didn't reach his eyes though. The concept of someone's smile 'reaching their eyes' was stupid unless they were some kind of animation. But looking at Edward now, I _got_ it.

I didn't like it. Again, the fuzzy feeling began to dwindle. Bringing my hand to his face I smiled encouragingly at him, not entirely sure what it was that had changed his mood. "I love you," I tried, seeing if my words had a similar effect on him as his did on me. His head tilted slightly into my hand and he gazed at me with a small smile so carefully sculpted from his lips.

"The sooner we go the sooner we can be back, the sooner I can bury my head amongst those glorious, beautifully formed, voluptuous, jiggling, full-" His eyes were shut, his smile smugly content while he continued with his precarious list. First thing going through my mind; he wants to touch my boobs. Second thing; I now want him to touch my boobs.

"Edward!" I squeaked in a hushed voice. Not that anyone was around to hear him but me, and it's not like I was about to reject any advances he felt like making. Honestly, who the heck was I kidding?

"What?" he said, innocently looking a little hurt even, "I was talking about the curls in your hair…"

"Oh shut up were you talking about my _hair_."

He took my hand and we continued down the stairs, Edward tutting over my obvious allegation, "You think so little of me, Isabella. I was merely expressing my desire for a quiet night in and a good cuddle, and where does your mind take you? Straight to sex." He shook his head, "Such a typical woman," he sighed.

"Aw," I cooed sarcastically, "You just want a nice candle lit meal, right? A romantic comedy. a bottle of wine and a little lovin' of the PG13 type, huh?"

"Exactly."

We'd reached the bottom of the stairs and Edward had gone to get his keys so we could go. On his return I thought I might tease him a bit. "That's a shame, I really was thinking of an R-rated night, maybe even X- being the 'typical woman' I am… but if you want, I can pick up _Sleepless in Seattle _from my apartment? Or maybe _Love Actually_, mm, _Knocked Up_ seems a bit more appropriate for us actually…"

Taking his bottom lip between his teeth, he made a small hissing sound before speaking hurriedly, "Why don't we just do both?"

"Mm, no, I really am quite tired, you're night sounds better, plus I'm really partial to watching _Love Actually_ now."

"Baby, you're killing me," he groaned sadly.

"Yeah..." I pulled up the handle of my suitcase that was sat beside an expensive looking glass table, regarding Edward carefully. My eyebrows knit together as I cocked my head to the side, taking in his puppy dog expression. Really cute, but a little pathetic. I smiled brightly and snorted, "Sad times."

---

Because I was in such an inexplicably elated mood and I'm generally a nice person - I think - it was my full intention to let Edward have the best of both worlds. I was planning to do the romcom, the wine for him, the juice for me and then the fun that followed, but my body had other ideas. Which, to be frank, pissed me off.

The whole pregnancy and travelling mix wasn't going too well; as soon as Hugh Grant graced the screen and I was cuddled up, my end was nigh. My head hit Edward's chest and I was out for the night, despite my lengthy nap earlier that afternoon. When he woke me up the next morning, more-or-less in the same position but with a blanket over us, I felt bad. Really fucking bad.

What the fuck happened to my 'I love you' sex? You're supposed to have the 'I love you' sex. I swear to fucking god you are. It's written somewhere, I know it is.

You admit your feelings, some cry, some get angry, some laugh, it doesn't really matter because ultimately it ends in rough and tumble between the sheets. People even lie and say it just because they know the deal. And I knew the deal, I had a coupon for a special offer and everything. I wanted Edward just for the sake of it, because I could, because he was mine.

Because I loved him.

And my libido was through the roof, I needed it just as bad, if not more, than he did.

The lack of loving made me fidgety and a little irritated but as I hurriedly rifled through my purse to check I had the keys to Sweet Tooth the next morning, I came across my twenty week scan pictures. The ones that said our baby was a boy.

All of a sudden I didn't mind that we hadn't had our 'I love you' sex because once I handed it over to Edward, he started grinning the goofy smile that made my insides flutter and wouldn't stop gushing over it. Instead of sex I got to watch his reaction and it was just as satisfying if not more. _And that's really fucking saying something_.

I remembered why I was 100%, positively, definitely, absolutely sure that I could have a baby with this man and it could work. It _would_ work, I was going to do everything I could to make sure it did.

For the past few weeks, I hadn't really been living in the real world. I was lost somewhere between worlds, flitting about aimlessly, but as I turned the sign on the door to Sweet Tooth to 'open', reality dumped itself on top of me, in the best way possible. I remembered my routine, I adapted and I continued. I did everything as I usually did, checking the stock, random discussions with Angela, helping out customers, everything was so normal. I loved it. I still had my life.

"What are you going to do for your birthday then? Drinking is out of the cards for you, huh," Angela asked me as she took down a jar of hard candies and placed it down on the counter. I was sat on the other side of it, tapping my stomach at random intervals to see if I could get any response from Little Man to see how he was positioned. Since he had no name I didn't want to keep calling him 'it' or just 'the baby', so he'd upgraded to Little Man.

"I have no idea," I said vacantly as I probed the side of my stomach only to receive a faint hit in response. I smiled although it wasn't hard enough for me to figure out how he was lying. "I'll just leave it to Alice I guess… I can 't really have a party, who would I invite?"

"What about those women? One had really big boobs and looked kind of like a Barbie, the other one looked pretty evil actually," she snorted to herself, disappearing into the back room.

"Oh them, um, they're not really my friends. The Barbie one is actually quite nice but the other one just doesn't like me. At all. Edward doesn't really like me "hanging around" with them though," I scoffed while I continued my prodding here and there. It was stupid, I wasn't about to start another argument about it but I could be friends with whoever the hell I wanted. Not that I was even craving these particular women's friendship.

"Oh, well," Angela said quietly although I'm sure that was because she was looking through things, "Maybe we could go out for dinner or- Oh. My. Holy. Fuck." Not seconds after exclaiming the last of her sentence, the gangly woman almost fell over herself as she came out holding my bag, her mouth so wide I'm sure I could see what she'd eaten for breakfast.

"What?" I frowned, looking at her and then the bag.

"What? Bella, this bag is what! Oh my god! I think I'm going to cry, when did you get this? Why didn't you tell me you had this?"

I laughed and rolled my eyes, "Alice got it for me. It's just a bag. I thought it just added to the nautical thing I have going down today." Navy blue dress, a few stripes, anchor necklace and _obviously_ this summer's must have. No not the bag, the bump. Damn I looked cute.

"It's a red, leather Yves Saint Laurent bag! Bella, seriously now, this costs so much… " She honestly looked like she was about to break out into tears. And I'm not retarded, I know designers, I knew that bag was expensive and I knew who it was by, it just meant nothing to me. I didn't get my thrills like that. Although, it did make me feel really fashionable. Especially since Angela was so obviously in awe of it… and me. _Mhm, that's my bag bitch._ _Kiss my ring._

"It's pretty cool, huh? I like leather." I laughed as she turned it round in her hands, opening it, shutting it, touching it and then doing it all over again. Just as I rolled my eyes, I felt a small thump right beneath my hand, "Aha," I cooed to my stomach while Angela rambled and cried to herself, "I've found you little boy."

"So is this your life now? Designer clothing, babies and fancy boyfriends? I'm going to make Ben take me out after my shift, I need retail therapy."

LM completely had my attention now and I smiled widely as I came to find he was lying across the bottom of my stomach. I don't know why I felt like I'd achieved something major but I'd actually spent the majority of the afternoon trying to figure it out. He was always moving, I wouldn't be surprised if he'd got some friends round and they were having a party. That's what it felt like. It would also explain my current size.

"Edward, do you see how beautiful this bag is?" I looked at Angela who was staring ahead, occasionally shaking her head at the bag she now had over her shoulder. Unbeknown to me, Edward was indeed standing on the other side of the counter looking so effortlessly chic in his white t-shirt under a checked shirt. I imagined his pants were hanging on him just as they did, calling to me.

_Bella, come and rip us off, look how loosely we hang. We're made to be pulled down…_

Sigh. Oh I wish, pants, I'll come for you one day. _One day_.

"Yves Saint Laurent, did Alice get you that?" Cocking his head to the side he looked directly into my eyes, holding me in some kind of trance as I nodded slowly. When the fuck did he even get there?

Angela sighed loudly, disappearing into the back room once again, "Bella, I'm borrowing it from you some time," she called out, "I just want to lick it."

Having someone being jealous of me was definitely a good feeling. I felt so powerful. This was rather ironic seeing as I was completely melting under Edwards stare. He wasn't happy about something, I could tell because he had his serious face on. Standing up and leaning as best I could over the counter, I offered him a small smile, "How may I be of assistance, sir?"

When he said nothing but instead stood frowning a little at me with a somewhat disappointing look, I sighed, "Ok, what did I do?" From his back pocket he produced an opened letter and placed it in front of me. Knowing full well what it was, I picked it up, pulled out the letter from within, skimming the words and frowned, "How did you get this?"

"Why didn't you tell me you were struggling to pay your rent?" He frowned at me. I glanced up at him before re-reading the letter from my landlord. Luckily she didn't seem to get too pissy with me about missing payments until she had to, but apparently Edward was planning on making up for her missed time. How generous of him…

"It doesn't matter now," I mumbled, putting the letter down and again frowning, "it's been dealt with. How did you get this letter? I'm more than certain I left it under a magnet on my fridge."

"It's been dealt with? How so?" he asked, pinching the ridge of his nose. I hadn't seen him do that in a while, I must have really been causing him some hassle. And over nothing.

"I've paid it."

"With what money?"

"My money, Edward. I used the money I got from those paintings I sold. I still have enough left over, it's fine."

"Why didn't you just ask me, I would have paid for it myself," he grumbled, running a hand through his hair irritably. Why the hell he was even getting irritated about this was beyond me. I missed a few of my rents, now it's all been paid and everything is well, could this not just be brushed under the carpet? I was ill, I couldn't work, it was merely a blip not a regular occurrence.

"I wouldn't have taken it," I sighed, "Anyway, stop avoiding my question, how did you get it?"

"You don't have to do everything by yourself you know, Bella. You can _ask_ for help if you need it." I narrowed my eyes at him, scolding him mentally for not answering my question yet I was forced to answer his. There was literally no way he could have got any of my mail unless he had…

"Please do not tell me you have a key to my apartment."

He shifted from side to side and cleared his throat, "Fine, I won't tell you."

I blinked at him.

Was he fucking kidding me? He had a key to my freakin' apartment. What the fuck Edward Cullen, what the actual fuck?

"You have a key to my apartment?" In my peripheral vision I saw Angela come back out into the shop, quickly assess the now somewhat irate tension building between us, take an intake of breath, turn back around and disappear again.

"You just told me not to tell you," he said with a slight hint of amusement only lasting moments since my disapproval was so obvious it was about to burst from my body and wring his neck. "Only for safety precautions, Bella," he added seriously. Safety precautions, what safety precautions? Um, stalker?

I stood back from the counter, tapping my fingertips rhythmically on the surface, trying to calm myself, and looking everywhere but at him. If I looked at him, I feared I wouldn't be able to control the erratic Bella who had already gathered and supplied her troops with flaming bows and arrows and an unholy amount of hormones.

There was a bubbling anger brewing inside me at a ridiculous rate. It was swelling in my gut, it was colouring my vision. I'd literally flipped from being perfectly fine to wanting to kill someone. Specifically Edward. Why the hell did he do this to me? _What a fucking retard_.

And he still stood looking like he was pissed over the rent thing. The rent thing which was sorted and over with and in the past. He still had a key to _my_ apartment without me knowing. Did he watch me sleeping? Did he steal my underwear? Albeit creepy, if he'd asked or told me he was doing it, I probably wouldn't have minded.

Actually, yes I would… still, this was a complete invasion of my personal space. What if there was stuff hanging around I didn't want him to see, that I didn't want anyone to see? In fact I _knew_ there was. Oh my god.

To be quite honest, I was amazed I hadn't turned green and ripped my clothes off already.

"Edward," I said as calmly as possible, rubbing my hand over my bump knowing it relaxed me when he did it, "please remove yourself from this shop, right now. I'm serious. Right. Now." I tried controlling my anger but it simmered over just a tad without me realising, slowly seeping into my words until they were drenched in rage.

"What about your rent?" he said, completely unphased by my previous words. Yes, Edward Cullen, I _was_ kicking you out and I _will_ literally _kick you out _if you don't leave now.

"What _about_ my rent?" I basically shouted back, making the few people filling bags with candy stop to look at me, "There is nothing wrong with my rent, it's paid. The only thing wrong here is you and I am _not_ talking about this now."

He frowned but spoke in his normal tone, "Well then we'll talk about it later."

"We will not talk about this later, this is not up for discussion. You have a goddamn key to my apartment! What the hell, Edward, oh my god… just, get out! Out. Door. Go. _Now_." He opened his mouth to speak but then closed it and ran his hand through his hair. It was a wise move, we were on my turf, in a candy shop, and I knew where all the candy weapons were. Right now I wanted to stab him with a liquorice sword.

"Edward, leave," I growled at him, and not in the sexy way either, more in the I'm-going-to-rip-you-to-shreds-in-a-second way.

It seemed to get through to him and after looking me over with a somewhat annoyed expression, he turned to leave. He stopped unexpectedly, fishing into his pocket for the keys and placing them next to the letter before he left. I could sense the apprehension of the waiting customers, probably wondering whether or not they should pay for their candy with fire resistant clothing on in case I breathed some flames onto them as well, while I stared at the letter.

Angela reappeared and gently moved me to the side so she could get to the cash register and bill the sweets. I was still so angry I'm sure my cheeks were burning with fury. Cheeks of burning fury. Even my cheeks sounded lethal. I told him the honeymoon period wouldn't last, but I was sure it was supposed to go on for longer than this.

I really didn't love him at this moment in time.

I really didn't _like_ him at this moment in time.

"Five minutes," I murmured to Angela as I marched back to the back room, opened my 'safe' cupboard where I kept things that I may need a particular moments of despair. A bag of Strawberry Sours, a dictionary, a packet of cigarettes with a lighter inside, a needle and thread, fifty dollars and a ribbon. It seemed a random collection but on many occasions it had more-or-less saved me from myself.

I took the box of cigarettes hurriedly and went outside. The sun hit my eyes first, glinting off of the glass of the neighbouring building, causing me to squint and retract a little behind the door. After shielding my eyes from the glare, I moved out into some shade, avoiding the heat from the direct sunlight. I didn't need to be literally _hot_ and bothered.

For a while I paced, tapping my fingers on the box of cigarettes eventually taking one out with the lighter and flicking the flame up. If Edward had been standing in front of me, I would have had a horrible urge to set his hair on fire. And then douse it out because I couldn't actually rid of his sex hair.

What he'd done was a total invasion of my privacy and I really wasn't up for that. He didn't even tell me, and that he had the audacity to have a go at me when he found something in _my apartment_ that he was in _without my knowledge or consent_. It made me so angry. Edward made me so angry. I'm not even an angry person and now I'm having thoughts of burning his hair off and stabbing him with candy.

I couldn't even smoke the fucking cigarette I had in my hand because I was pregnant and the smell made me nauseous, but I don't think I'd craved one so badly for as long as I'd stopped. I didn't even care for the nausea, I needed the smell, I needed the smoke filling my mouth and coating my lungs.

But the fact that I wasn't going to have one because I couldn't, made me even angrier. I may not have cared much for my lungs but I did for my baby's. Even if smoke didn't actually get to his lungs as such, I'm pretty sure it didn't do him any good. I was a shitty enough host as it was, I wasn't about to poison my unborn son because his dad's a prick and I had some sort of bipolar disorder and fucked up hormones.

Although I came really fucking close.

I couldn't have a cigarette when I needed one because he'd been a dick and got me pregnant. He was slowly taking over my life; closing in on me from all sides. Was he going to cage me soon? Was this the end for me? Did he purposely make me fall in love with him just to make things easier on him? Did any of my thoughts even make sense?

I couldn't think, I just wanted to scream and throw books at him. Again.

Instead, I continued to tap in the box while I paced, trying to calm myself down and not cry.

Maybe I was overreacting, I was always in Edward's house but I didn't have a key or have one made without him knowing. And then I didn't go snooping through his things. And I didn't then find him at work and complain about the things I'd found and didn't like. Has he never heard of curiosity killing the cat? Does he really want me to kill him? I could do that.

I didn't understand why he was in my apartment in the first place; there really was no reasonable explanation. He'd been in it a few days ago with me and had seen all he wanted to see. Now he was just being over controlling and weird. It felt like he was staking claim on me, I liked when he did that but not like this.

It felt like he was staking claim on me as an _object_ as opposed to being my own person. Like he just thought, oh what the hell, she loves me now, I can do whatever the fuck I want. I know let's get a key to her apartment and go and fucking snoop.

And who the hell was my landlord to actually let him have one made? I thought you needed some kind of consent from me to do that.

Clenching my hand tightly around my unused cigarette and lighter, I breathed out deeply, irritably, _furiously_, looked up at the sky and screamed, growled, what-the-fuck-ever. All I knew was it was loud and I could not give a flying fuck who heard me. I stopped when I felt the cigarette begin to come apart under the pressure of my hand and I heard someone close by, talking about a feral dog.

My five minutes was up anyway.

---

"Rose, where have you been all my life?" I whined into the phone as I sat down on my sofa, nearly catching the end of Hammy's tail.

"Serves you right, maybe you should call or visit every once in a while, I haven't seen you in ages."

"I know, I'm sorry. Just stuff has been really good for once, I got caught up in it all I guess… anyway what did you call for?"

"Can I not call my sister-in-law just to say hello?"

I smiled to myself, rolling my eyes as I stroked behind Hammy's ear, "We've said our hellos. We've been talking for the last fifteen minutes, what do you want?" There was a brief pause, I could tell she wanted something from me and I knew she knew I wasn't going to like it so much. She was being too nice, laughing at things I said that weren't funny, building me up so she could, no doubt, smash me back down.

I know you Rosalie Swan, _too well_.

"I need you to look after the boys," she blurted out continuing quickly leaving little time for any objection on my part. "Only for a few hours… maybe the whole night. Oh please, Bella, I know what they're like and I wouldn't have asked you but I really have no-one else. Em's work is having their annual summer ball and Mrs McClatchy's ill, next door are in Dubai, and I don't know who else to leave them with. But they know you and they won't be that bad, I promise."

"You're kidding… _Rose_," I grumbled because as much as I might protest, I knew I was going to end up doing it. It always went like this; Rose asked, I complained about how she could even ask such a thing and whether she cared for my mental and physical health at all, she whined and tried to bargain with me, I tried to stand my ground some more, she made me feel bad, I was tied to a chair by three small children playing cowboys and Indians by the end of the night.

"Bella, I'm seriously _begging _you, I'll pay you double what I would a babysitter. I just don't think the girl down the street can handle them…"

"And I can?" I dragged my hand down my face and groaned, "You don't have to pay me. When is this for, like next weekend?"

She was silent.

"An hour?" she said hesitantly, and rightly so.

"An hour! You could have given me some preparation time, Rose. Thanks, really." Didn't she understand I needed stun guns and riffles; you can't get that shit in an _hour_. "I can't be bothered to even argue with you because, somehow, you always win, and as they are my nephews, I feel as though I should play my part as aunt. Just for future reference, _this is what happens when you have sex with Emmett_."

She sighed in relief, "Bella, you are a life saver. We'll definitely do lunch soon, as a form of payment." I was slumped down on my sofa, playing with the cat's tail, internally and externally dreading the following hours. While Rose went ranting about do's and don'ts, as if I'd never dealt with these _things _before, I started daydreaming.

Would LM be like this too, was this evil trait something that went through the Swan genes? I don't think I'd be able to cope if he was; I'm absolutely shit at discipline. This little boy was just going to walk all over me for the next eighteen years dammit.

"Rose, why couldn't you have had girls?" I moaned, pushing myself off up the sofa so I could stand, scooping Hammy up under my arm, "I suppose I could do with the practice though," I mused to myself, "Olivia I'm fine with but boys I really need to work on…"

"Bella," Rose said in a strange tone. My feet padding on the floor, I ambled over to the kitchen and opened the fridge frowning when I realised I'd obviously forgotten about restocking it, still I riffled around, the phone tucked under my ear and the cat under my arm.

"Yes?" I questioned Rose's tone, picking up some cheese from the fridge. Camembert? What the hell did I have camembert for, I've never eaten it in my life? And everything was so freakishly organised…

"You're having a boy, aren't you?" she squealed into my ear.

"What? I never said that, I-" I jerked up, thwacking the back of my head into the top of the fridge eliciting a long string of expletives from me.

"You're having a boy! Oh my god, congratulations, sweetie! I'd totally forgotten to ask you. Why didn't you tell me already? Geez."

"Wait, wait, Rose, can you not say anything to-"

"Hey, Emmett, she's having a boy…What do you mean who? Your sister, obviously…"

"Emmett…" I finished with a sigh, rubbing the back of my head, "Look, Rose, Edward and I haven't really discussed telling people yet. I don't know if he wanted it to be a surprise for everyone or if he wanted to have everyone together, I don't know. But now four people know because of me and he hasn't told anyone."

Rose gasped, "Jas knew before me! How rude."

"How do you know that?" I leant against one of the work surfaces and set the cat down. In response he purred loudly and rubbed against my bare legs before strutting off.

"I just text him… he said Edward told him and he'd been told to keep it on the down low. But Bella, a boy! You are going to have _so _much fun," she sniggered, "A boy, I can't believe you're having a boy. To be honest I can't believe you're having a baby but there you go."

"Tell me about it… anyway, I'm going to love you and leave you. Apparently I've bought so much random food, I'd like to re-discover it all. I'll see you soon, I guess. And can you let me tell you properly please, about the baby? I'm in a shitty mood right now but I want to be excited too."

"Ok, ok, I gotta go now too, but when you get here, we'll get excited. And I'll have a feel of your baby belly and probably your tits as well. They're _so_ much better than mine nowadays. Emmett used to have bigger boobs than you and now you've gone all Pamela Anderson on me."

"I still think your boobs are better than mine, I mean mine are baby boobs, it doesn't really count. I'm a fake."

"This is true… Anyway, later. Mwah," Rose rushed, sending a string of kissing sounds down the phone, shouting something or other to Jacob about colouring crayons and walls, and then hung up. When I finally got to disconnect the call, I looked down at my phone to see I had four new messages, one from Jasper, one randomly from Bea, the other two from Edward.

Seeing as Edward wasn't exactly in my good books, I looked at Bea' s first and then Jaspers.

'_Hey Bella!!!' _Oh god, even her texts were overly cheerful, what the hell was this woman on? _'Just checking you're ok and enjoying your pregnancy! Let me know if you need anything, I was thinking we could maybe go for brunch one morning soon? Don't be a stranger! Beatrix xx'_

Brunch? Couldn't these people just do either breakfast or lunch? I did all three but I had an excuse. Apparently we were friends now, or at least she thought we were. Not entirely sure how I felt about that, or how Edward would feel.

I quickly moved on to Jasper's: _'Guessing you know I know. Mighty fine news, mama B. See me soon, yeah. J.'_

Smiling, I text something quick back to Jasper before rolling my eyes and reluctantly opening the unread messages from Edward. To be honest, after I'd flipped out, I realised I was overreacting. Totally. I don't know where it came from, it just did, he made me so angry. I felt betrayed or violated or some shit. Now I was a little pissy, but that was it.

I wasn't going to say sorry though, I acted a bit irrationally, what can I say, my fucking hormones are all over the place. Dude, I'm fucked up right now. If he had something to say, why didn't he just come here and say it? He could let himself in, he had a fucking key…

'_Don't hate me. X' _Was the first one, followed by, _'Ok, you hate me, I'm sorry. I suspect I'm being ignored now…'_

The guy was a complete douche sometimes. Why the fuck did he have a key to my apartment? Why was he just so fucking mentally retarded all the time, my god. Gah.

Folding my arms across my chest and staring up at the ceiling I decided that yes, I was ignoring Edward. To be quite frank, he could suck my dick if I had one. There was a lapse in my resolve almost as soon as I determined not to talk to him. I text quickly, staring with narrow eyes at my fridge.

'_Did you re-stock my fridge? There's stuff in there I've never eaten in my life. Like camembert? And Cool Whip, and wtf have you colour co-ordinated everything within its food type? Sounds like you…'._

His reply turned up less than twenty seconds after I'd sent it. This just confirmed my fears; he definitely was an over protective control freak stalker.

'_Oh, no kisses… and maybe I did, maybe I didn't. The Cool Whip you had in there before went off two months ago… What are you doing this evening? You still ignoring me? XX'_

I smiled smugly to myself as I switched my phone to 'silent' and put it down.

Yes, Edward, I am still ignoring you. I hope you get this message via my lack of response. And so, you won't know where I am and can enjoy an evening of worry and disquiet. Although you've probably installed a tracking device in my tooth while I was sleeping because you're such a fucking controlling _creep_ sometimes.

I marched off to my room to retrieve as much ammunition as possible for later. I was going into the jungle, just me and LM, who knew if we were ever to return.

And because of that thought, I found myself with my phone in hand merely fifteen minutes later, sending a text to Edward, _'I still love you, asshole.'_

And hoped to god he took note of the deficiency in kisses; I loved him, that didn't mean I _liked_ him.

---

Hugging the crisp cream walls, I hesitantly peered around the closest doorframe. It was the living room and other than the television playing a cartoon program, the room was silent and still. Tentatively, I stepped inside, keeping to the wall while I looked around. Various action figures, toy cars, crayons, paper even a pair of bright underpants were scattered over the floor as I tiptoed over to the dining room door.

As I made my way over, my foot landed on a toy duck, and, as I applied pressure, it exerted a high wheezing sound. I gulped and clutched my weapon to my chest fearing I'd just given away my position. I had no back up, no one to call, it was just me and I could sense an ambush was imminent.

Surprisingly, nothing happened.

And then everything happened.

Seth came running at me from somewhere behind, making the sounds of a red Indian, circulating my legs with what appeared to be a jump rope while the other two came prowling from the dining room, their fingers pointing at me and a torrent of weird, spluttered gun noises coming from their mouths.

And for once in my life I was at an advantage. In my hand I held a gun that shot out large balls. There were filled with air and having been hit with them many times myself, I knew they caused no damage. With my defence in hand, I held it out in front of me and shot.

"Man down, man down!" I heard Jacob shout, looking much like James Bond. A few meters away from him, Sam seemed to be making a spectacle of having been hit, making gasping noises and holding his hands at his throat before he fell down.

"Aha! I win!" I beamed a little evilly at the twin that still stood. He frowned at me, lowering his literally 'hand-made' gun.

"No, you got Sam, I'm still alive!" he protested.

I snorted, lowering my own weapon, waving my hand dismissively, "You're like the same person, it still counts."

"No it doesn't!"

"And you didn't get me, Auntie Bella." Seth tugged at the back of my grey sweatpants. I looked down, over my shoulder to see him and his freakin' adorable face. I exchanged my ball-gun for the small boy, stepping out of the rope, picking him up and setting him on my hip.

"I couldn't get you anyway, sweetie. Even if I really, really wanted to. You're way too cute." He scrunched up his face and then smiled; the dimples in his cheeks made me want to cry, "Anyway, I'm tired now, I can't play anymore. There's a baby in here," I pointed to my stomach, "it's sucking out all of my energy. Like kryptonite."

"What are we supposed to do then?" Sam asked, still splayed out on the floor.

"I don't know…" I knew this stage of the game all too well. Everything was smooth sailing up until this point. The we've-run-out-of-things-to-do-so-let's-rip-the-wallpaper-off-and-kill-Bella-stage. Had Rosalie given me longer than an hour, I might have been able to put a plan together. I had another three hours before I could put them to bed.

Three hours of hell. Oh fuck, _no._

Jacob had some cheeky ass grin on his face as if he'd just thought up something positively toe-curling. For me anyway. I swear, children can sense the fear, and they act on it, the little buggers. Before ideas could be shared and destructive plans were made I put my hand up to gain attention, saying the first thing that came to mind, "Oh no, wait, my little friend is coming over."

"Little friend?" Jacob questioned.

"Does he play spy games?" Sam asked.

"I'm sure _she_ would play anything if you asked her."

"A girl? Eurgh!" They both chimed in unison. I rolled my eyes, leaving Seth to continue with their mock shooting while I desperately searched for my phone, slightly irritated that I had to interact with Edward again.

'_Could I have Olivia for the night? Matter of life or death x' _I waited seconds for his reply.

'_You seem to have the concept of ignoring someone all wrong, babe… What do you need my daughter for? Nice to see I have kisses again. E XX'_

'_Edward, please. I'm at my brother's, need entertainment for the boys.'_

'_If Olivia comes can I come? XX' _I scowled at the screen thinking for a minute or two, finally sighing in defeat when I heard something fall in the other room.

'_Fine. Whatever…'_

Not twenty minutes later Edward and Olivia were at the door, Olivia all smiles and pretty and Edward all… he annoyed me. I purposely paid little attention to him as I greeted Olivia and then quickly lead her to where the boys were residing. It felt almost wrong that I was bringing a girl of such goodness and light into the depths of hell, but sacrifices had to be made and to be honest, I thought she could handle it.

And she did, like a pro.

I pretty much left them to it and within an hour she had all three eating out of her hands. I was in complete awe of her, almost at her feet begging her to teach me her ways. It really was a 'she said jump, they said how high' situation. They even played spy games together and she got to be the princess. They never let me be a princess in any of their games, I was always the baddy who got killed or tied up…

Edward was lurking around but I hadn't yet 'dealt' with him because he'd been on the phone more-or-less as soon as he walked in. I was in the kitchen washing up the remnants of a surprisingly successful dinner. After a long lecture given by Olivia including a story on how Meg had told her that you lose your eyes if you don't eat carrots, the majority of vegetables were eaten. I'm pretty sure that is an epic win on my part.

"How do you lose them?" Sam asked Olivia, watching intently as she picked up a carrot stick, chewed on it and shrugged.

"I don't know. They just fall out."

"Cool!" The two turned to look at Jacob who was trying to knock his eyes out by hitting the back of his head.

"It's not good!" Olivia scolded, all of a sudden very serious, "If you don't have eyes you can't see. If you can't see how do you see where the cookies are? You would die from not seeing. And your blood would come out of your head and you'd die."

"Ew!" They all laughed, trying to imagine if their eyeballs really were rolling around on the table. To be honest, the image was really quite disturbing so I told them to just get on with the eating and do less of the chatting. Oh, I felt like such a parent, as soon as I turned away from them I giggled quietly to myself. It was all so out of character, so weird, and new, and they actually listened to me which was even weirder.

I've conquered hell, bring on the motherfluffing universe bitches! Was there anything I couldn't do now? Dude.

Lost in my feeling of power and authority, I continued to wash up and clean long after they'd finished. Having tidied and cleaned everything I could in the kitchen, I turned to lean against the counter only to find myself staring directly into the jade eyes of a very smug looking man.

The little smirk he had that was oh so contagious, I didn't try to fight it, "Do you still hate me?" I arched my eyebrow, drying my hands with a tablecloth before putting it down and walking over to where he was stood, casually against the fridge with his arms crossed over his chest.

"You do realise you were completely out of order. I'm being serious, Edward," I stood in front of him, mimicking his pose, "too far."

He sighed, looking down at his shoes, "You know, I wasn't actually doing it for stalker purposes. The only reason I was even there was to sort out your apartment while you were gone. Like those boxes you had in your room, I sorted it. And your fridge. And a bit of your bathroom because I'm funny about that."

I frowned, resting my head on the wall, "You did all that? You could have told me, you know. I don't understand why you have to do things the hard way. If you'd just told me you wanted a key I would have given you the spare one." He nodded and we just stood, regarding each other for a moment.

"I can't be bothered to argue with you," I sighed, "I get really angry really quickly, and I just don't want to fight, so I'll just say my piece. I love you, Edward, I do, but please _don't_ go through my things without me knowing. I'm not particular about _anything_ else but that. I'm not hiding anything from you, it's just, some things are just mine, you know? I felt like you were invading my personal space, and not in the way I like you to.

"I leave things around because I know no-one's going to see it. So I guess I got so upset because, well, you have a key, and then you found something you weren't supposed too. That's a reasonable reason to get pissed. And you did it behind my back, and even though your intentions were sweet, it just felt like you were being overbearing. If I _knew _you had the friggin key it might have been different. That's all," I concluded, waiting for his response.

He nodded again, looking down at his feet before speaking, "I'm sorry. I overreacted when I saw the letter. You're right, I shouldn't have even been there, but," he ran a hand sleekly through his hair, his brow furrowing just a fraction, "you're rent-"

"Edward, it's paid, done and dusted, it was just a blip because I was ill."

"I know, but I wished you'd told me, Bella. There is no reason for you to ever be struggling financially and-"

"Say financially again," I interrupted, my head cocked to one side.

He looked at me strangely, "Financially?"

I laughed lazily, closing the gap between us, "You say it funny."

His serious face shifted as he tried to suppress amusement, "I do not 'say it funny'," he snorted.

"Hey, I like it." I kissed him chastely on the lips and sighed, my eyes closed and my body heavy, "Can we go back to the honeymoon state, we slipped out for a second, I want to go back, please?"

He put his hand up in the air for a moment, snapped his fingers and then smiled at me, "We're back. Nice weather here."

"I quite like the pool," I said, imagining the both of us on some far away tropical island. Or maybe we were somewhere in the Caribbean, I'd always wanted to go there. "I knew the fridge was you by the way, you freak."

"There's nothing wrong with a tidy man, most women would be thrilled to have one in their lives." Using one of his arms, he pulled my forward at the waist, "This is going to get annoying," he mused with a light chuckle, seeing the problem having a bump posed. And I was only going to get bigger.

It dampened my mood a little knowing there would be a physical boundary between myself and Edward, one that would only get bigger. It was worth it though, _apparently_, in the long run. We could easily overcome it, I just needed to angle myself slightly and I could hold him, bury my face into his chest, feel him places kisses in my hair. It could be done. It would have to be done.

If I couldn't touch him I'd probably die.

"Well," I said, inhaling deeply as I slid my hands underneath the back of his shirt, feeling the warmth of his skin, "I'm thrilled to have you in my life. I'm _always _thrilled with you, Edward. Even when I don't want to like you, I do. Do you know how incredibly stupid that is?"

"I'm bad for you, Bella," he breathed onto my neck, placing a small kiss against my skin, "You really should stay away from me."

My breath stuttered a little as he trailed kisses down to my collar bone, "That's a shame," I almost panted which was a little embarrassing, "I think I like being with you too much."

"I just want you with me," he confessed, standing straight and holding my face so he could look at me, "All the time."

The pad of his thumb gently brushed over my jaw and then my lips, his green eyes following his every move. I pursed my lips to kiss it when he finally stopped, a ghost of a smile appearing on his face. "What if I trade your apartment key for one of mine?" he said quietly, still gently caressing my face.

"One of your what?"

"One of my keys."

I frowned not catching on to where this was going, "One of your keys to what?"

"The house…"

"I don't need one, someone's always in and I don't have freaky tendencies like you."

He rolled his eyes, laughing a little under his breath, "You're right, but I mean, a key. _To the house_. For you. As a more permanent thing…"

"Edward, you've lost me," I laughed completely baffled by what he was getting at.

"Move in."

"Sorry…what?"

He averted his eyes from mine, twisting his mouth before looking at me seriously, "I'm asking you to move in with me, Bella."

Oh.

**Oooh.**

**I closed the poll once I got 100 votes (I was like, WOAH! 100 people, no way!) We have a name! Playlist and polyvore sets have been updated because I get bored.  
**

**Review s'il vous plait. Hopefully, updates will be quicker…**

**You know you love me, XOXO**


	27. EasyLuckyFree

**Woah. How late am I with this update? Stupidly late. A **_**month**_** later, here it is. Seriously, shame on me, I'm so sorry to have kept you all waiting. I literally had such a fail in writing this. I stopped, started again, started again on the bit I originally stopped. Decided I didn't like that to begin with and I still didn't like it, etc etc. So that's what happened, but now its finally done. I don't wish to ramble, I'll tell you what I've been up to in the end a/n I guess. Thank you all for still reading and reviewing, Julia for beta-ing and murmure etoile for checking my translation of a random French line I threw in there somewhere…**

**Song:Easy/Lucky/Free – Bright Eyes**

**BPOV**

"Move in?" I repeated quietly. Shit, he was asking me to move in with him? For real?

"Yeah." He shrugged his shoulders, "Why not. I think it would be good. Everyone loves you, Olivia, Alice, Meg, I'm sure Phil will when he comes back. _I _love you and… it could be good for us, it sets the whole family thing in motion."

_Family thing._

I felt my breath catch in my throat and I took a small step back from him. Realising it probably looked like I was stepping away from _him¸ _from his proposal and from whatever else, I took one of his hands tentatively and laced it with mine. I wasn't stepping away from _him_, his love, his ideas; I wasn't ever going to step away from _him_. I just needed to think, I needed the distance for clarity.

Chewing my lip and running my thumb over the skin of his knuckles as I stared up at him wasn't actually doing a world of good, "It would be good for us?" It wasn't really a question I was asking him, I was simply thinking a loud.

He nodded hesitantly; I nodded, still chewing my lip and my brow beginning to crease in thought.

To be honest, my mind was blowing up. Moving in wasn't such a big deal, was it? And surely it would make things easier in the long run.

_Shit_. I'd never thought of myself and Edward _in the long run_. Well, not much anyway. I lived our relationship as a day-to-day thing. I was obviously aware of the responsibilities having a baby would entail, the changes it would have on everything, but I'd never thought of us as being a _family_.

I'd never seen it as Edward, Olivia, LM and I, in one house, together, with the cat and the dog. I'd never envisioned it like that. I hadn't really envisioned it as anything; I stopped thinking ahead years ago. When I found out I was pregnant I thought I was going to give this baby to a loving home, a family that could take care of him and love him more than a baby should be loved.

I didn't expect that family to be the Cullen's and I certainly did not anticipate myself to be an extended part of it.

Edward waited patiently for any kind of response, but I didn't know what to say. I hadn't lived with anyone since college. I actually quite liked my space. But then Edward's house was huge, just because I lived there it wouldn't mean I'd be with him all around the clock, 24/7. Even if I was, would that really be so bad?

"Um, I-"

"Bella's got a boyfriend, Bella's got a boyfriend!" Was being chanted from behind me, interrupting my sentence and effortlessly changing the scene from that of a tense, thoughtful, what-am-I-going-to-say moment, to an, oh-fuck-the-kids-are-here moment. There was a definite mixture of relief and dread upon hearing the childish voices; at least I wouldn't have to answer Edward right now.

Offering my best attempt at an apologetic smile and squeezing his hand briefly, I turned from Edward to see Jacob and Sam at the doorway looking cheeky, as per usual, Olivia peeking over their shoulders giggling, and Seth peering round Sam's side.

"Smelly Belly's got a boyfriend!" Jake chanted again.

"Hey," Olivia frowned, tugging at the back of Jake's top, "Bella is not smelly!"

"She is!" he argued back.

"She's not!" Seth chimed in. His voice was so little and cute. D'aw.

"I do not smell," I sighed. Maybe I should have just taken the label of 'Smelly Belly' and moved on with my life, but once you get a tag, it's freakin' hard to shake it off.

Olivia folded her arms irritably, "Well me and my daddy-" she stopped, her face softening as she looked to Edward, correcting herself, "my daddy and _I _," to which she received a nod of approval and so resumed her position, "We don't think Bella smells bad. She smells like nice stuff."

Before I'd realised he'd moved, Edward's head appeared at my neck and I heard him inhale indolently before pulling away. I turned to look at him over my shoulder with a questioning smile. He simply shrugged and nodded, "It's true, she smells really good."

"See," Olivia sneered in the kind of tone where I almost expected her to push her nose up and stick her tongue out, "She smells like candy, and cookies, and cats, and…"

"And-" Edward went to continue but I turned back again and smiled at him.

"And sunshine," I said, finishing his sentence.

Slowly a smile etched its way up one side of his face and I almost fell over myself seeing he was giving me _the_ smile. The _Edward _smile. The one he hadn't given me in so long but made my panties explode every single fucking time. God, I love it when he just sprung one out on me without any warning.

Damn.

"You can't smell sunshine." Sam looked unimpressed while I stood there, probably swaying from side-to-side as Edward smiled at me. The honeymoon period was definitely back on again.

"Yeah, that's stupid," Jacob agreed. I thought the exact same thing, but if Edward thought I smelt of sunshine then fuck the world, I smelt of damn sunshine.

"You know what is stupid?" I asked, quirking an eyebrow at the four small faces, "None of you being in your pj's and in bed when it's bedtime. Especially you!" I pointed at Seth who giggled and hid his face behind his brother.

They all looked at each other, and then at me, and then each other again, Jacob finally shouting, "Last one upstairs is a rotten egg!"

The doorway cleared in seconds.

Such simple words, so much _power_. None of them were literally about to turn into a rotten egg, but I guess it was the label thing again. Still, a child's mind never ceased to amaze me.

Turning back to Edward and taking his hand in mine just as I had before reminded me of our unfinished conversation. Did I want to move in with him? I had reasons for and against. Mainly for, but I couldn't just say, '_Oh yes, Edward, I can't wait, everything's going to be wonderful and perfect now._' It didn't really work like that.

"_If_ I did move in," I spoke quietly while playing with his fingers, "where would all my stuff go? You've seen how I live. It's like organised _mess_. And what would I do with my apartment? Edward, I don't know…"

"Well, Isabella," he sighed, looking down at me his eyes glinting a dark green. I don't know how but every time they just caught me and rendered me useless. I'd be fucking screwed for life if LM had his eyes. "Your stuff could be put into storage, put in your room or just around the house. And your apartment, well you can do what you want with it, it's yours. If you want to keep it I'll pay the rent, it's not a problem."

He picked up my free hand and brought it to his mouth, kissing it gently, "You don't have to say yes, Bella. I won't dislike you or cry or anything." _I should hope not, it's bad enough when I cry._ If he started I'd just stand around like a moron, maybe pat him on the back and offer a compassionate 'there there'.

"No, you'll just stalk me for the rest of my life," I sighed, "I'm joking." _I think. I hope I am_. I looked at him wanting him to tell me I _was_ joking, I knew he wasn't actually a stalker but it had the prospect of becoming a nervous habit of his.

"I wasn't stalking you, I went to tidy up," he said seriously with a frown. I rolled my eyes and looked down murmuring, "Right…" which he didn't find amusing.

It was his fault; he got a key to my apartment without me knowing, what was I supposed to think? Oh, _obviously_ the first thing that comes to mind is that cleaning lady Edward simply wants to clean, of course! How could I have been so stupid to think otherwise?

As I leant forward to kiss him, partly because I didn't want him to get all moody over it and partly because I could and I didn't need a reason, I heard Olivia's voice coming from a distance and getting increasingly louder, "Not it, not it, not it! Doesn't count 'cause I'm not playing!" she was shouting as she rushed into the kitchen, pushing her hair out of her face with her hand.

It was in two now very messy and very loose pigtails, so loose that there was hair swooping down nearly over her eye and the hair bands in her hair were about to slip out.

"Bella," she started almost breathlessly as she danced from one foot to the other, "can you, um," she stopped mid-sentence to look behind her before looking back at me.

"Olivia, do you need the bathroom?" Edward asked her but she shook her head fervently only making more of her hair fall out of their bunches.

"No, I don't," she sighed exasperatedly as she continued to hop from one foot to the other, "The floor's lava. If I'm on it for too long I'll die and be a monster." _Obviously._ "Um, Bella, can you please put my hair in the nice braids that you did before? I can't do it and I'm trying not to die."

"Yes, I can." I laughed watching her dubiously before turning to Edward and twisting my mouth a little, miming "sorry".

"_Olivia's a monster!"_ one of the twins shouted from upstairs.

"No, I'm still alive!" she called back, looking to me almost frantically, "Bella, hurry!"

"I'm sorry, I'm coming!" Edward continued to hold my hand although he didn't move as I was hauled towards the doorway, Olivia now tugging on my other hand. It was like tug-of-war and I was the rope, "Can I get back to you with an answer?" I asked him as my fingers slipped through his until just the tips could touch and then, finally, nothing.

"Are you going to be ok up there on your own?" his voice sounded a bit too amused at the thought, but I had Olivia with me and I'd be the biggest person there. Sure, I'd be fine.

"Edward, I can handle them." _I think_. He replied graciously with a slight nod and a smile as I was pulled away in the opposite direction.

"Bella, do eyebrow hairs grow back?" Olivia asked as she bounced up each step, me in tow.

"Yep," I answered and then actually thought about what she had asked me, coming to a halt on the stairs. It was random. _Too_ random. "Why?"

"Jake and Sam are going to shave Seth's off to see if they do. They're gunna count how long it takes to grow." She answered so nonchalantly it made me just a little more panicky. Obviously she saw nothing wrong with this which obviously meant they saw nothing wrong with it either. Which meant they would actually do it.

And I thought I'd hidden all sharp objects including scissors and razors so what the fuck were they using?

Maybe I was freaking out too much when they were actually using make-believe instruments. But she said shave. She definitely said _shave_. That sounded pretty sharp to me.

"Um, do you know what it is they're planning to use?" I queried as calmly as possible.

"Sam said a super blade thing that's his dads. Or sticky tape they said they saw their mom using on her legs once."

Almost on cue, there was a loud scream that belonged, without a doubt, to Seth. Definitely sounded like they'd gone with the 'sticky tape' as opposed to the blade. Or maybe they'd misused the blade. Oh fuck.

I bit my lip as I looked up to the landing. Maybe I wasn't going to be ok on my own, maybe I'd built myself up too soon and I wasn't actually prepared for this. This whole parenting/child caring thing was like a game; I was probably at level four or five out of ten, so I could only deal with children of that difficulty level. Seth was a difficulty level one, Olivia a three but the twins were a definite eight.

It was stupid of me to think I could take them on alone at this stage. It was like Harry fighting a fully revitalised Voldemort just as he stepped off the train for his first year at Hogwarts. In other words, I was on a suicide trip from the very beginning. But before I could even turn around and call for back up, I felt a hand on my waist.

Of course Edward was already there.

"You didn't even make it to the top of the stairs," he sniggered into my hair before kissing my head, "that's pretty pathetic, Bella."

I pouted at him as he passed, muttering "Shut the hell up," I followed behind meekly. I probably lost a life by using Edward as a cheat, but he was about a level eight for sure. Together we were a thirteen; I'd say Jesus was a fifteen so really not too shabby. Edward would probably do all of the talking and the reprimanding and I'd stand behind with the occasional nod or sentence, and just be present for moral support. The boys would quake in their little superman pj's and balance would once again be restored.

Everyone might as well just call us the A-Team.

---

There was a small amount of bickering as to whose room Olivia would stay in, a few tears which surprisingly weren't from me, two cups of warm milk, 'story time' hosted by Edward, a last minute toilet run, and a long and tedious explanation as to how a baby was supposed to come out of my stomach - we left it with "the doctors get it out" – before four small people were tucked up and sleeping in bed.

Half of Seth's left eyebrow was missing but you win some, you lose some.

I find children are like dolled up leaches. They look sort of cute from far away, and then you got closer and closer only to find they try to draw blood, sweat and tears from you just for their enjoyment. Even more disturbingly, they consume you with their evil, manipulative ways and after a while, I was actually enjoying their presence.

No way was it healthy for me to have such a negative outlook on kids when I didn't even have my own yet. I needed to be a blank slate. I needed to have a clue but still be relatively naive. Maybe I already was and that's where the negativity came from?

Oh who knows? If I knew I wouldn't be having these thoughts.

If I just _knew _everything I imagine I'd look like a hippy woman wearing a crop top, a long flowy skirt, a headband made of flowers and Jesus sandals. And I'd just stand around like, "Dude, it's fine, everything's fine, I know_ all_. It's cool, man. Chillax."

As it were, I didn't have a clue what I was doing half the time, I just went along with things. I went along with things and I didn't plan. I needed to plan. I needed _a_ plan.

How many more times could I have the 'What am I doing?' conversation with myself? I mean, come the fuck on Bella Swan, I know I've been stuck in this self-deprecating but reasonably complacent state for the good part of four years, but it was time to get the hell over it.

I needed to fucking do something. I made lists and did nothing with them, occasionally I could cross something off and I'd run on that high for a couple hours, but that was it. I was _bored_ of that, I was bored of me being bored. And whiny. My life really wasn't that fucking bad.

I needed friends. I needed more than my family, my cat and Edward. I needed plans for the future so I would stop freaking out when the inevitable happened. I needed to take a chance on something, for the sake of my sanity I needed to fucking _live_ or something.

My legs were casually resting over Edwards as I lay on the sofa, nibbling on the sleeve of my cardigan while I strung bits a pieces neatly together within my mind. And when everything had been collected and presented to me so nicely and organised, it all looked so simple. Simplicity made me happy.

"What are you thinking?" Edward asked suddenly, his head tilted towards mine, a genuinely curious look about him.

"Hm, I'm thinking of a lot of things," I answered truthfully shrugging my shoulders and turning my head to see the last of the end credits for Friends on the television screen. "Which episode was that?"

"Uh, the one in Barbados?"

"Oh, I love Monica and her hair in that one, so funny. They're all old now though, I feel like I've seen them a million times."

For a moment Edward looked a little embarrassed before he finally said, "I've never seen it before. That is the second episode of Friends I've watched in my life."

I think my jaw dislocated when it hit the ground. "You're kidding?"

"No, I'm not. I guess I just had other things on when it was big… I've never really watched much television. I watch the news and whatever Olivia's watching." He shrugged and I gaped disbelievingly. I mean Friends, for god's sake! I thought that everyone had seen Friends. "Anyway, I want to know what you're thinking."

Picking up the remote control, he switched the large plasma screen off and turned to me, tapping on my legs impatiently.

"Well right now I'm thinking maybe I _should_ move in just to educate you in Unagi... You see, what I did there was totally wasted on you because you've only seen two episodes so you won't get it," I sighed, shaking my head. I knew we were worlds apart, but really, I didn't realise we were _literally_ worlds apart; he lived in New York and hadn't watched Friends, he clearly wasn't on Earth.

"Isn't that a type of sushi?"

I narrowed my eyes, "No. Well, yes, it is, but not here. It's a concept. It's _funny_, you have to watch it to get it."

He blinked back at me blankly, "It's fresh water eel…?"

"Yes, I know. Look, we'll watch it ok, and then you'll see. You've really gone down in my expectations, Cullen." I looked at him disapprovingly but he just laughed. Even when he was being a complete moron, I couldn't help but smile when he laughed. It was like a disease; seriously contagious, but the type you actually quite liked being plagued with. And I hate to be a cliché, but I was love sick anyway.

"But seriously, Bella," his words were still tinged with laughter as he trailed a hand up my leg to my stomach were it then resided, "What are you thinking? You've been off in your own world for the last half hour."

Smiling, I placed my hand over the top of his and then looked up at the ceiling, "Do you want the nice version or the fucked up version?"

"Is the fucked up version the real version?" I shrugged a 'probably'. "I'll have that one then."

"Ok," I sighed, long and deep before I spoke. "I like the idea of moving in with you. I stayed before so it should be like that, just longer… a lot longer. I mean, it's convenient, right? But, um, I'm thinking I've never done anything this long term before. Or what seems long term… ok, so you're going to have to bear with me.

"This family business is pretty daunting, too. It hadn't really hit me until, well, now. I'm afraid I'm going to fuck something up at some point. I'm actually scared _you _might fuck something up, because I know you could and I'm kind of waiting for it to happen when I shouldn't be. And I love you, I should trust you completely but I'm being honest with you Edward, right now we're at ninety five percent when it should be a hundred.

"Oh and I need to get my own life because I'm so fucking boring it makes me want to cry. I feel like a fat loser. I want friends and a social life again. I want _me_ back. And also, what the fuck, when did you tell Jasper about LM being a boy? And when did I become such a complete pussy? And when the fuck can we have our 'I love you sex'? I'm sorry, but it's been nearly five days, something's got to give. I can't deal with this shit."

"You can't 'deal with this shit'?" he repeated, rubbing the stubble on his chin, a faint hint of a smile on his lips.

I shrugged again, sitting up a bit more, "Sorry, you wanted what I was thinking. I curse a lot more than normal up there. It's my straight up ghetto princess alter ego." _Word, motherfucker._ I laughed under my breath getting a mental image of myself with some kind of swagger and heavy chains. Even in my head it was such an epic _fail_.

"Right… I'm guessing 'LM' is the baby?"

"Oh, um, yeah, Little Man. I can't keep calling him 'baby' and since we haven't decided on a name…"

"There's a problem there," he said, suddenly very serious.

"The name isn't that much of a problem. We've got a while yet."

"No, we'll get to that eventually. And I'm glad you told me what you're thinking, I'm just more concerned that you're afraid. And that _I _pose a problem for you because you don't trust me."

I frowned, putting my hand out to him in an attempt to stop whatever self-slating rant he was possibly about to go on, "Edwa-"

"Bella," he smiled, cutting me off, "I haven't trusted myself until recently, I couldn't expect you to if I couldn't. But you can now, I promise you, you can. I know it's because of the, uh," he paused for a moment thinking of the right word, "the _company_ I've kept in the not-so-distant past, or at least partly to do with."

The temptation to correct him was almost overpowering. If he meant the skanks he slept with then yes, that was correct. It was _all_ to do with them. And probably a few other things; the key incident wasn't exactly helping his case.

It amazed me how uncomfortable and angry I became just by reference to _them_. And the fact it was plural made me want to kill a bitch. To imagine him now with anyone else _but_ me actually made me feel a little ill. Scratch that, it made me want to projectile vomit.

After a more than awkward silence he leant forward and pulled out his phone, scrolling and tapping the screen, his eyebrows occasionally rising or knitting together. I watched him incredulously for a while before asking what it was he was doing, "Deleting contacts," he answered, "Not that I'd be tempted but I just can't have some people on my phone. I'm just trying to show you temptation's out the window." Stopping, he glanced up at me with such gravity that I actually flushed all over, "Unless it's you."

I told him he didn't need to but he did despite me and I was kind of glad he did.

No longer having contact details on his phone wouldn't stop him from finding or contacting any of the implied women he was deleting, still, I got the message he was trying to send over to me. Any meeting he may have with them in future wouldn't be a mutual thing; he wouldn't be trying to get anything out of it. It was kind of like him quietly telling the world, "I'm in a relationship with Isabella Swan, everyone else can fuck off."

I liked that.

And then telling me I was the exception to this new 'no temptation rule' so seriously, as if I actually killed him or something. Well, I liked that, too.

When he was done, he made a small satisfied noise and put the phone back, turning to me with a wicked grin, "Now, the 'I love you' sex, that I can fix."

"Mm, can you indeed?" I teased as he kissed my hand, dropping it to my side as he crawled up my body until he was hovering just above me.

My spidey senses were tingling like crazy. _Oh lord, take me now, _my mind screamed at me as his lips came in to contact with my own. Hard, lustful and yummy. Just seconds and the man had complete control over me. My hands slid under his t-shirt and sought comfort from the touch of his skin and when I had it, when I felt like I was just at complete ease with him, I sighed contently and smiled against his lips.

"See, I can fix just about anything if you let me," he whispered hooking a finger over the top of my sweatpants. He would have pulled them down, and then my underwear and then there would have definitely have been some sexy time. But apparently my life just doesn't go that way. Or at least my brother doesn't like my life to go that way.

"I'm sure you can Mr Mechanic, but not on my sofa."

And just like that it all dwindled down to nothing again.

Unwillingly opening my eyes, I saw a less than impressed Emmett glowering at Edwards back, shaking his head reproachfully as Edward laughed quietly and sat back on his heels. As soon as he was off me and a wail of anguish was felt throughout the whole of my body, I sat up properly, ignoring the red that was undoubtedly colouring my cheeks as I glared back at my brother.

The fucker. Couldn't they have come back like an hour or two later? I had everything under control here.

"Who would have thought, Emmett the cockblocker?" Rosalie laughed as she came up behind him, kissing his cheek. They both looked like the epitome of glamorous, Em in his tux and Rose in a black number that hugged every curve of hers beautifully. Even after being out the entire night her blond hair was in the perfect waves she left with. Not a strand out of place.

Still, I wanted to punch Emmett right in the balls. Cockblocking asshat.

"You're really funny, Em," I sneered sarcastically.

"You shouldn't be having sex," he frowned.

"Well I wasn't… and I'm nearly twenty five, I'm having a baby, for god's sake. I have sex, ok. Get over it already."

"You're still fifteen to me."

"Ok, well I lost my virginity at fifteen, so shut up."

"Not on my sofa, you didn't."

"I had sex on your bed once."

His faced blanched, "No you didn't." I said nothing but raised my brow to provoke him. "You'd better be kidding, Bella."

"Ok!" Rose interrupted, patting Emmett's shoulder before sharing some kind of apologetic glance with Edward. "But talking of sex, congrats on you guys having a boy. Glad you two seemed to have sorted your shit out. I like you Edward, it would have been a real shame to kick your ass had you messed with my baby," she cooed the last bit at me, holding my face with her hand and squeezing my cheeks.

Maybe she was flawless on the outside. On the inside, I think she may have had a few too many.

Emmett was still glaring at me and mouthed "_You're lying_" when we made eye-contact. Thing is, I wasn't lying. End of sophomore year, just before we moved, I had a small gathering. Everyone got drunk, Charlie was out, and a couple had already taken my bed. I don't even know why Emmett still had a room in our house, he moved out like seven years prior.

Not wanting to go all out on the details, I merely smiled smugly and shook my head. I think he gagged a little.

"Ah, looks like I'm not the only one who told someone about the baby then, Bella," Edward said, raising an eyebrow at me.

"I didn't tell her."

"Actually, I guessed. Don't let Bella get all the credit!" Rosalie giggled, patting me on the head. "Hey, c'mon, Em, congratulate your little sister already." Emmett shook Edwards hand and muttered something manly which they both smiled at, looked at me and then narrowed his eyes.

"Congratulations, you're a whore. Goodnight."

---

Movement could be heard in the house the next morning as early as half past four. I was only aware of it because around the same time LM decided to make some major room arrangements that I couldn't sleep through. Normally any movement was pretty small and other than the odd bump, I could ignore pretty easily. Probably because things were on my mind and I wasn't in a particularly comfortable position, I was woken by the slightest thing.

I lay in the spare room listening to the strangest conversations between three very strange children before my brother and Rose got up. Knowing Edward had work and would therefore be getting up soon, I took the time I had to watch him sleep. I'd only seen him sleeping a few times. I'd only shared a bed with him a few times.

Our relationship was so backwards.

Watching Edward sleep I could tell would be a new past time of mine. He was just so completely blank and at peace, his lips ever so slightly parted, random hairs dropping down into his face. And he was shirtless and it was so fucking beautiful it was stupid. Everything, the way his chest was sculpted, the hairs, how his skin looked so smooth. Even the way the bed sheets tangled around his legs so haphazardly it looked a lot like he'd been playing in them during the night.

No playing had been done. And if a 'playtime' had occurred and I'd been asleep, well, I'd be fucking pissed.

Seriously, if he was going to shag me, or maybe attempt to, he should shag me when I'm awake or _at least_ partially conscious. I mean, come on.

"Why are you watching me?" he mumbled groggily, startling me out of my stupor. I smiled at him, not realising he was awake or how he knew I was watching him. His eyes were still closed. He hadn't moved at all.

"How do you know I wasn't sleeping? Or facing the other way?"

"I can feel your breath, and your breathing slows when you're asleep. You're respiration rate is too fast for you to be sleeping. And you've stopped snoring." I narrowed my eyes at him as he smirked and then breathed out deeply, slowly opening his eyes to look right at mine. Unfortunately snoring was a trait I had acquired during this pregnancy so there was nothing I could say in my defence about that.

"I don't get to see you sleeping," I said, reaching over to push the hair out of his face, "I don't sleep in the same bed as you. I don't get to wake up to your face often. I'm missing out on the fun."

"Fun," he snorted to himself, taking my hand in his and kissing the inside of my wrist. "Well you could, you know."

"I know." He pouted. I pouted. "I know, I know, I know. Ugh," I huffed, scrunching my eyes closed. "Edward, are you sure? Is this really what you want?"

"I'm as sure as the sky is blue. And it is what _I_ want, but you do whatever you want. It's up to you."

I snorted, "Edward, if you lived in Forks you will know the sky is rarely blue, New York isn't that much better."

"Actually, Forks is under a near constant cloud cover. Take away the clouds and the sky is still blue," he added smugly.

Just the thought of waking up to Edward every day was a winner for me. The human company and love was just a bonus. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Maybe it would be fun. Maybe I needed to man-the-fuck-up and see that, hey, behind the clouds there really is blue sky. Because there literally is, he was right. It's the best part about going that high when flying.

When I thought about it, I didn't want to miss out on Edward, on Olivia, on the whole family thing. If I was going to screw up my non-existent life plan, I should at least do it well. Edward was my best screw up to date. It's just scary as hell.

"Oh, fuck it. Fine. Yes. I'll move in, I guess." I sighed.

Edward looked at me incredulously as he sat up, "Are you serious?" he queried the beginnings of a goofy grin making its foundations on his face while I pushed myself up into a sitting position.

"Oh come on, you know I would have agreed to it anyway, _eventually_. Don't pretend you didn't."

"I was actually on the fence, Bella. This could have gone two ways, especially with the current state you're in…"

"What do you mean the 'current state' I'm in?"

He shrugged, "Your hormones and stuff. You can be a bit all over the place sometimes."

"What do you mean 'and stuff'? I'm not all over the place!" I frowned. The last bit came out a little angrier than I'd expected. Oops.

"See," he laughed. "I mean you're a fucking emotional psycho sometimes and I can't bet on how you're going to react, ok?" A 'fucking emotional psycho'? I tell him I'll move in and this is the kind of abuse I'm receiving already? What the hell is this?

"Ok, well, that was mean," I rolled my eyes to look away for a second. Probably trying to hide the tears that were prickling my eyes thus proving his point, "Well, I basically live there anyway. And Hammy's pretty content."

"Ah shit," he hissed suddenly, hitting his head with his palm, "I forgot about the damn cat."

"Aw, Eddie Bear is a little bit afraid of a kitty cat," I cooed at him, pinching his cheeks. Honestly, I don't know why I did it, I've never pinched anyone's cheeks in my life. I've never called Edward 'Eddie Bear' before. I'd never stuck 'bear' on the end of anyone's name before.

Awkward silence.

Could I say that to him and get away with it or was that just too weird? I was starting to wish I hadn't said it. It sounded completely fucking retarded in my head, there was really no need to share it with the world. Cringing was all I could do as he took a pillow from behind him and all but threw it in my face, holding it there so everything I could see, hear or say was muffled by pillow.

"Hey!" complaining did nothing to help me I just got a mouth full of fucking pillow, "I could die here, Edward! Could you live with yourself knowing you killed the mother of your unborn son? Because if you could, you're pretty sick."

Ok, I wasn't going to die at all. He wasn't trying to suffocate me and I'm pretty sure my breathing was just fine.

"I'm so sorry you had to hear that," he sighed as I continuously swatted at the pillow he held purposefully in front of me. It was surprisingly difficult to get away considering it was his right arm across the pillow. A really goddamn strong right arm. Three guesses why _that_ arm is particularly _strong_. Guessing maybe he's used it a lot over the years… cough.

At first, I thought he was talking to me but it quickly became obvious he was talking _at_ me rather than to me. More precisely he was talking at my bump. "I suppose you're used to the crap that comes out of your mother's mouth by now anyway," he said just as I managed to swipe the pillow from in front of my face.

"Yeah, that's nice," I said sarcastically, narrowing my eyes at him, "I'm right here."

Edward shook his head, gently patting my belly as if offering LM some sort of condolence. "I know what you're thinking, kid, is she going to call you 'cute' names? Is she going to be this hormonal forever? Is she really as retarded as she sounds? Unfortunately, the answer to all of those is yes. Eighteen years probably seems like forever right now and you're not even born yet."

"You are such a dick," I laughed, shaking my head.

"Hey, keep your language clean please," he said seriously. I rolled my eyes and laughed again, waiting for him to continue. If he wasn't insulting me, this might have been cute. To be honest, it was pretty cute anyway.

"But she'll probably love you more than she does me, and I'm all right with that because you'll be small and sorta cute. And anyway she'll probably like me more than you when you keep her up all night, and then ruin her things, and throw temper tantrums when she needs you to be quiet, and throw food, and then leave your room in a mess-"

"Uh, you'll be getting fussy about messy rooms more than me," I interrupted.

"Yeah, ok, can you not say that right now when I'm trying to be the _father_. You know, man of the house? You're really ruining my credibility here, Bella."

I smiled and nodded, "You're right, I'm sorry. Ignore that last bit," I said a bit louder now also talking to LM.

"Definitely ignore that last part. I won't make you clean your room because we're boys and I love you and I understand." I ran my hand through his hair as he kissed my stomach and then went to move closer to my face, hesitating for a moment before returning to my stomach whispering, "But it sure would make everyone's life so much easier if, you know, you did just keep your room tidy… For your mom, obviously."

"Mm, _obviously_." Edward was evidently kidding himself that he wasn't the fairy princess in this relationship.

I leant forward and kissed the top of his head, the tip of his nose and stopped just millimetres from his lips. Smiling widely as I wrapped my arms around his neck, I nuzzled my nose against his and sighed. "Tu es ridicule, Edward Cullen."

" 'ow many times must I tell you. I do not parle français, Isabella Swan," he replied in a mock French accent. I couldn't help but laugh at his pathetic attempt and as my small giggles turned into hysterics with tears and belly ache, I fell back onto the bed, taking him down with me.

"Edward, I fantasized you being sexy as hell speaking and being French but that was just not cool at all. That accent was horrible. So bad." I laughed, wiping the tears from my eyes.

Fucking hell, I think he was right about the hormones making me shit crazy. It wasn't even _that _funny.

"Oh right, and which fantasy was this?" he asked, pressing small and chaste kisses around my mouth.

"The one where you're French." _Pretty sure I just said that. _"Which fantasy" really makes it sound as if he's privy to the ever growing collection I have… not that I've ever told him of any of them.

Still, I could feel his hands tracing the exposed skin at the bottom of my tank top and to be honest, I was getting desperate. If making a snarky comment would stop his ministrations then I wasn't about to be the sarcastic bitch to put one out there. I had needs and they needed to be seen to. By Edward.

I thought about telling him that if he dared stop I would die, but again I thought it might kill the mood so I remained quiet as our kisses lasted longer, became deepened and I lost myself. His body was pressed to mine as I tickled my fingers up and down his back, relishing in every touch of his on my skin. Impatiently waiting for _something_ more.

It just so happened that something was a good groping of my breasts. I nearly stopped to thank God I hadn't worn a bra the previous night. Such a spur of the moment decision, nowadays letting my jugs loose after hours was a hazard to myself and anyone in the surrounding area.

Pregnancy definitely had its positives as well, for one, when they weren't aching like a bitch or leaking, my boobs were actually pretty fun and _very_ sensitive when touched. Definitely in a good way. The down side was it was a little too good and I let out a long moan into Edward's mouth causing his kneading to come to a halt.

Not only did he stop with my boobs, he totally stopped fucking my mouth too. In fact he hissed and pulled back from me, giving me an admonishing, "_Isabella_, we're at your brother's house and children have a habit of walking in at the worst possible moments." It really sounded like he was talking from personal experience but I'd have to quiz him on that later.

"I don't care. I need you. They get sex ed at school don't they?" I didn't wait for him to answer, my mouth was too hungry for his and the bottom of my stomach was aching from a build up of tension; it needed its release, _I needed_ some release.

"I've got to go to work," he whispered, a smile on his lips as he pressed two more kisses to mine before getting off the bed completely. "I've got a meeting, I'm sorry, baby," he said, leaving me all worked up and, to be quite honest, pissed off.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I huffed as I sat up and frowned. He opened his mouth but I hadn't finished, "Oh 'later', right? God! Edward, who's dick shrivelled up, died and made you king of the prudes?"

He chuckled whilst wandering around the room to find his jeans, "His name's Aro, he's my boss. I'll tell him you have a problem with his work regime, and I _promise_ we'll get back to this later."

"Good," I grumbled, lying back down on the bed with my arms crossed as I watched him open the closet and take out the clothes he was wearing the previous night. Hung up and neat. _Oh Edward_. To my misfortune he put the jeans on first, then the socks, then his watch. So I was left, miserable, flustered and staring at his naked torso for longer than I should have been when I wasn't allowed to kiss, lick or bite it.

What kind of hell was this?

I huffed again, my brow furrowing as a groaned at him, "For god's sake, I can't take this. Put a shirt on, man!"

---

Edward was the master of distractions. How I'd managed to go a week and a half without the sex I so craved was beyond me. The want hadn't gone anywhere and I don't think he'd been purposely putting it off, it just seemed to be brushed aside. We were both suddenly so busy with work, LM, Olivia, the moving in business, just your everyday things. So busy in fact that I had to reschedule my appointment at the clinic because there was no way I could miss work when there was vacancy.

So now I was at twenty three weeks and having to use Google and _BabyCenter _online to answer any questions that had arisen since I last visited.

Never in a million years did I think that working at a candy shop meant I'd be too busy to attend certain things, but Sweet Tooth wasn't just any candy shop, it was one of, if not _the_ best candy shop in New York. In my opinion anyway. And the reason we were so busy was because we'd entered into a competition to discover the best candy shop in New York. Apparently there are competitions for just about anything these days.

There'd been a surge of people in the shop and we had to make everything extra special, we also had to hire two new people, who I personally thought were long overdue, just to keep up. It was fun, having so many new customers and everything, but damn was it tiring. If I'm being honest, I never really had a moment in my life where I came home, fell onto my bed and thought, wow, that was a hard days work.

Until now.

It was fulfilling though, I felt like I was doing something of use for an actual reason. Sharing the joys of candy with others and hopefully getting something back that says we do it best.

Edward wasn't so thrilled about all my longer hours. I'm pretty certain he was considering my pregnancy as some sort of disability, which was stupid, I was perfectly able. And I wasn't miserable or bored, yes I was a little more tired in the evenings but I'm sure Angela was too. It's just for once in my life I was actually working instead of bumming around eating candy.

"Guess what," I asked him one evening he was being particularly pissy. "I still love you. Shut up." He pretty much shut up after that.

Weather-wise, it was finally beginning to cool down. It made me so happy that summer was starting to fuck off, I felt like I couldn't go out when there was sweltering heat. And I swear I got fatter when it was hotter, and that was not cool. Maybe Forks had really got to me but I just couldn't stand heat for long periods of time. It made me moody and uncomfortable - it never used to, maybe it was just the pregnancy.

My moving in was a gradual process. I thought it was going to be this big thing like, _oh my god, Bella has a house key, holy crap, she lives here_, but it just didn't go like that. In fact, I hardly noticed a change. It seemed I'd been spending the majority of my life in Edward's house anyway, and when I wasn't in the house I was at work. Now when I went into Edward's room, I occasionally saw a box or two beside the door with a few of my things in. And slowly I was beginning to notice little things of mine just around in general.

I'd actually put the majority of things I wanted to take with me into boxes earlier in the week. I made Jasper come over and help me because I felt bad for not seeing him for at least three weeks, I missed his company plus I wanted to catch up on the gossip between him and Alice.

It seemed like everyone and everything was content with life, including myself. Olivia was more than content when we told her about LM actually being a little man, well, _boy_. I felt like I had succeeded in giving her the right gendered sibling and then wondered if she would have acted exactly the same had LM been a girl.

"Do you think anything would have been different if we were having a girl?" I asked Edward as we stood in the doorway staring into the now empty, cool, white room that was to be the nursery.

"I don't know. Maybe. Maybe not," he said absently. "I don't know what would be different… maybe you'd be less hormonal."

I turned to him and narrowed my eyes, "Edward, drop the hormonal thing, ok. I'm not. And even if I am, you should try carrying another person around with you all the time, one that increases in size on a daily basis, and then tell me you don't get a bit touchy every now and then."

"I'm sorry, I just like winding you up." He moved to stand behind me, snaking his hands around me so his hands rested on the mammoth swelling that I once used to call my stomach. Just the thought I was of getting bigger could probably reduce me to tears. "You know I'd help you if I could," he said quietly, resting his chin on my shoulder.

"Uh-huh, well you can help me in future. Use a condom."

"I don't really like condoms. You could go on the pill?" he suggested.

"Or you could have a vasectomy," I snorted back. I was actually meant to be on the pill, but my lack of organisation in life meant I was stuck with condoms. I wasn't a fan of condoms either but since already being pregnant was the best form of contraception I could think of, I got Edward sans the condom. _So much better_.

"Or we could just have another _accident_."

"Or not," I ended seriously as Edward laughed and kissed my cheek. "I don't know if I'll survive this and… I'd just rather not talk about it thank you. Not now anyway. Can we just look at the room, what are we going to do with it?"

"Ok," he sighed with a smile, "We can do anything you want to do with it."

I nodded, placing my hands over his, "Cool, well, I really want to keep it neutral, whites and creams, light blue, light green, I like that. It has a really good light in here so it should look good, plus I don't want it to clash with the rest of your house, you know?"

"Honestly, I don't care much for clashing or whatever. You'll probably get a better response from Alice, she'll know the decorators to call, I just look at the finished product."

I bit my lip and sighed, nodding my head slowly as I looked towards the large window in a somewhat forlorn way. We were both quiet for a while until Edward sighed, pulling back from me and spinning me round so I was facing him. "You want to paint it yourself, don't you," he said with a smile, shaking his head and laughing as I pushed out my bottom lip and nodded.

"The _whole _room? Really?"

"If you had an average income, there would be no thought about it. _We _would be decorating it. So, I thought, maybe we could anyway. Do it together, it would be fun."

"Well… ok. But I'm shit at painting, just to give you a heads up." I smiled widely, knowing full well that my glum expressions and lip pouting got me just about anywhere I wanted with Edward. The man was so easy to get around sometimes; I'd observed Olivia and then used her techniques in a more subtle way. And it worked. Ha!

"I'm shit at everything _but_ painting. Anyway, Olivia can help, and Alice, Jasper, Rose, Emmett. Pretty much everyone. It's a pretty big room and I'd like a lot of stuff painted. Plus, if I was left in this room with just you I doubt a lot of painting would be done."

He looked at me with a genuinely confused expression before saying, "Why, are you going to pour paint all over me in some kind of hormonal tirade?"

Was he serious? I was pretty sure what I was getting at was quite obvious… "No, Edward, I would want to fuck you." Although right now, pouring paint over him seemed like a better idea. _Wait, better than sex? Ok, who the hell was I kidding_.

"Oh." He laughed as I rolled my eyes, secretly letting my mind go crazy with the possibilities. Painter Edward, shirtless with just braces on attached to his white pants. Only one brace over his shoulder, the other falling down while he held a roller in his right hand, his tray of paint by his feet, muscles rippling each time he went to paint the wall. And maybe some would dribble down his chest, and he'd have a little on his face and in his hair.

I could see it all, I'd put my hands in the white paint and then put them _all over_ his chest. Then he'd do the same back to me and holy fuck, it'd be glorious.

Ah shit, I needed to get laid, seriously. What the hell was happening to me?

"Just giving you a 'heads up' on where my mind is. _Unfinished business _maybe. Now, I don't like to plan these things but in two days time I'm actually going to implode, so…"

"Well, I'm not at work right now, I have the rest of the day off."

"Oh wow," I mused as I wrapped my arms around his neck. "Afternoon sex. So very tempting but I'm going back to work dammit. You know how everything's so busy at the moment. Really Edward, if I could I would stay here in a heartbeat." My phone vibrated in my pocket and as I gave Edward an apologetic pout, I took it out. Apparently it had turned itself off and the vibrating was it turning back on again.

I needed a new phone but electronics just weren't my forte. "Why is so much going on in my life? Oh and we've got an appointment on Tuesday, is that ok? I would like to see how LM is doing." I said distractedly while I stared at the piece of crap in my hand.

"Ethan," Edward said randomly causing me to look up at him questioningly. "We can't just keep calling him baby or LM. Ethan was on the list, I liked Ethan most. It was between that and Aidan but I think I prefer Ethan," he concluded.

"Ethan?" In my mind I was saying it over and over. _Ethan Cullen. Ethan and Olivia. Edward, Bella, Olivia and Ethan._ Wow. Smiling to myself and stepping out from my thoughts I looked to Edward, "Do we have a name?"

"I think we do." He kissed the top of my head and we both sort of chuckled and I cheered a little.

"Ethan," I repeated out loud again. "Ethan Cullen. _E_. Huh." My phone then went into some kind of fit in my hand, vibrating every other second with one, two, three, six new messages and eight missed calls. I didn't even turn the fucking thing off, it did it itself.

First message:

**Emmett: **_Dad's in NY…_

The next message:

**Rose: **_Bella, pick up ur phone!_

All messages following that were along the lines of, '_Isabella, pick up your fucking cell!' _The last message from Emmett was nice and cryptic.

**Emmett**: _Well, C-Man is on the lookout for you. Have fun with that._

"What the hell?" Checking my missed calls, I realised five of them where from Emmett and Rose but then there were two from Sue and then another from _Charlie. _And just like that, whatever good mood I had been in completely ebbed away in an instant. It was actually pretty stupid as to how angry I'd become in just a matter of seconds.

So when I heard Meg calling up to me in a more wary tone than usual I literally began pacing the room, pinching the bridge of my nose and muttering something about sunshine and lollipops. And of course Edward had no idea what I was doing.

"I'm trying not to burst a blood vessel," I answered when he asked.

"Why?" I shook my head, continually pacing up and down until I could hear Olivia calling me too, eventually appearing beside Edward, and spinning around after every other word she said.

"Um, Bella." _Spin. "_ Meg said to tell you there's someone downstairs for you." _Spin. _"He has a lot of hair just here," she ran her hand over the skin above her lip. "But Meg said you can't tell people they are hairy." _Spin. _"But I already did."

Edward peered out of the doorway, frowned at Olivia and then me. "Bella, who's downstairs?" I shook my head, chanting my own merry tune in a failed attempt at calming my ever rising blood pressure.

Motherfucking Moustache Man. As if.

**I seriously went into swoon mode when rambling about Paintward… it's a type of Edward I've never really thought about, but now, the possibilities are endless… muaha.**

**Ethan was the name that won on the poll **_**just**_** Aidan really was so close. So tough tits to anyone who doesn't like it.**

**I have both a live journal and a blog (that you can now comment on, I don't think you could before? I was told you couldn't… well you can now) and I will most probably put links to various things and teasers etc on there. I have the video to the whole 'Unagi' thing, just in case like Edward, you haven't seen the endlessly repeated episodes of Friends, on my LJ and blog. So yeah. I also ramble a lot about things, mainly twilight related like the new Eclipse stills that K.I.L.L.E.D. me, and the Details mag pics and omg Kristen and Rob in London… damn. If you didn't know before, I'll tell you know, I am such a believer of Robsten. Tbh, if you don't believe it you're in denial and if you don't care… well, good for you haha. **

**I hope everyone's been well, I'm going to try and reply to all reviews for this chapter so go ahead (preferably give me something to reply to haha)**

**Much love, you know you love me, XOXO**


	28. White Blank Page

**Hi. This is late because I got ill, and then I partied hard, and now I have a killer headache but it's cool. Me loves you all, too much. No, never too much. Danke schon Julia for beta-ing this despite the fact I disappeared on her. Also, I got my NM DVD two days before those in America, so I would just like to say… ha ha. **

**Also, thank you so much to those who have rec'd this! It means a lot to me so thank you.  
**

**Song: White Blank Page – Mumford & Sons**

**EPOV**

It didn't take me very long to figure out who was downstairs. For a while I was totally confused, she was pacing the room looking like she was close to screaming, crying and having a panic attack all at the same time, and I had no idea why. She completely ignored me when I asked and I didn't want to take my eye off her to check. So I stood there, sieving through my brain; who would she get upset about seeing? Who the fuck had a moustache?

Then I got it.

It _had_ to be her father. I was relieved it wasn't some kind of gangster she'd got on the wrong side of or owed something too, and now they'd come for payment of some sort. Of course, that seemed just a little out of character for Bella anyway, and if it was I would have literally knocked him out, so I stuck with the dad theory.

I'm a lover, not a fighter. Or just a pussy, whatever you want to call it.

"I can't go downstairs," she said breathily, a hand on her chest as she moved around the room taking large breaths. "I've got to go to work. How the hell am I supposed to go to work now? Fuck," she hissed to herself. "Why the _fuck_ is he here. What the hell? What. The. Hell."

Olivia seemed completely oblivious to any forthcoming situation and had disappeared almost as soon as she'd delivered her message. I was left with Bella who currently looked as though she was in the midst of becoming hysterical. I couldn't deal with hysterics. Hysterics just wasn't my thing. Hysterical behaviour made me panicky which I'm pretty certain wouldn't be of any use to anyone.

"Why is he here?" she said, her voice a little quieter, a little higher in pitch. She stopped her pacing then, stood with her back to me and hung her head.

"Hey, hey." I made my way around to face her, tilting her head up so I could see her eyes. They were rimmed with tears and more than anything else, I could not take Bella crying. When she was genuinely upset, not when she was just being hormonal, then it was heartbreaking. "Don't cry, beautiful. Talk to me." As I spoke, I combed my hands through her hair, eventually resting them on her shoulders. After swallowing thickly and sniffling a little, she dabbed her eyes with her hands and nodded.

"Charlie, it's like, I just, I…" She paused for a second, looking me directly in the eye, "I told you, about when I went to Forks. I let him make the decision as to whether he wanted to be in our baby's life. _My _life. And he didn't. And I was really disappointed, again. I felt like he'd failed _me,_ again. So I cut him out. If he doesn't want to be in my life then I don't want him there either."

She stopped again, giving me this pitiful look before sniffing and saying, "How am I supposed to cut him out when he's downstairs, Edward? It doesn't work. I just don't want him here. He makes me so angry and upset and-" She shrugged her shoulders at the same time a tear rolled down her cheek followed by another, and another.

But she wasn't really _crying_, there wasn't any sobs or many sniffles, just what I took to be angry tears, silently making their way down her cheeks.

I frowned. What kind of dick was her father? Was he even aware of how upset he made her? He was completely cocking up his chances of being in his daughter's life and, as a father myself, I just could not comprehend why anyone would want to do that. If this were me with Olivia, I'd be on the motherfucking floor _begging_ her to let me make up the years I'd let her feel unwanted, neglected of that fatherly love.

But maybe that's what he had come for; to ask forgiveness. If he really didn't want to know her anymore, he wouldn't be standing in my house. By the sounds of it he wouldn't be in New York at all.

I caught one of her tears on my finger as we stood silently. I stroked her soft skin and she tilted her head into my hand as I spoke, "Don't hate me but I think you should go downstairs and maybe talk to him, to see what he wants." I watched her, waiting for some kind of reaction, some kind of disagreement. Internally I was cringing, waiting for her to tell me she was definitely not going downstairs, but she did nothing; she didn't even frown.

So I continued, trying to make her as calm as possible by sliding my hands down her arms until I had her fingers intertwined with mine.

"If he's here there's got to be a reason. Either you didn't make it clear that you don't want him involved in your life anymore, or maybe he's changed his mind. Maybe he wants to be involved."

She considered what I'd said, her face falling a little before she shrugged. "I don't know if I want him involved anymore, at all. Despite whether he's come to apologise or not."

"Well it's ultimately up to you. I never said you had to forgive him, just," I kissed the top of her head. When I looked at her again her eyes were closed and her brow furrowed, "hear him out. Tell him to leave any time you want, if he's upsetting you or anything, Bella. Just tell him to go. And I'm right here this time, so if he doesn't leave, I'll move him myself."

She nodded, silently playing with my fingers. "Ok," she sighed quietly, "I mean you're pretty buff so I trust you to, like, fight him off or whatever."

"_Yeah_ I am. I don't wanna brag, but seriously, have you checked these guns out recently?" Yeah man, I kept weights in my office nowadays, whenever I was _that_ bored I did 20kg for an hour. No biggy. I winked at her, flexing my arms a little as she rolled her eyes and pushed me out the door, still holding onto my hand.

Honestly, I couldn't wait for Phil to come back, even he had to be impressed by these badboys.

"Edward, let's not talk about your body since I'm not reaping the benefits of it," she sighed as we reached the stairs. "And yes, I have noticed. I notice everything and it kills me just a little more, especially when I am seriously considering searching for my vibrator. Or just getting a new one. Isn't it sad that I feel like it's come to that?"

"You have one of those?" I asked, genuinely surprised. J once told me they were common place in a woman's life but I didn't actually believe him. And Bella, really? Actually, I wouldn't be surprised. But oh, the doors this opens. The possibilities…

"Uh, ok, we're not talking about this right now." The grip she had on my hand increased as we went down the stairs until I was sure she was stopping the circulation.

And there he was.

Charlie Swan, exactly how I'd pictured him. Kind of. I thought he'd have a bit more meat on him. Bella never really brought him up in conversation so how I'd managed to form an image of him in my head I don't know. He looked like a bit of an asshole actually, like a trucker dude you see in bum-towns at a bar being served by a woman called Dolly.

And he had this _thing_ living on his top lip.

He was talking in hushed tones with the woman next to him who was obviously Sue, she seemed a bit pissed at him but as both mine and Bella's presence was noted, she looked at us with a large, warm smile. Her smile reminded me of my mom. Who I really needed to call, dammit.

Charlie cleared his throat and looked me over. He didn't really intimidate me, he was smaller than me, and I was better looking, better built and younger. Police man or not, I could own his ass. But he was Bella's father, despite whether he was a jerk or not, I _had _to give him some respect through courtesy and because, honestly, his dick needed some sort of medal for creating such a beautiful woman as Bella. Bravo that man.

Sue's eyes lingered on me for longer than I was comfortable with and when I chanced a quick glance towards her, she looked to Bella, who was stood ever so slightly behind me looking down at the floor, shaking her head and smiling, in a state of… bedazzlement.

I didn't get it.

_Women_. You'd think if you had something to say, you'd say it out loud so everyone could hear. I don't understand this silent language. I was born with a dick, not talking eyes. I apologise.

There was an awkward silence as we stood, each in our couples, just looking at each other. No one said anything. Just silence. So I took control of the situation, as man of the house. I didn't want this to drag on if this was going to stress Bella out. Her being stressed just stressed me. I had enough to be stressed about. Having some old guy bullying my girlfriend was not one of them.

So, I cleared my throat, and began, not that I had a clue what I was saying. "Mr Swan, Sir, I'm Edward Cullen, it's nice to finally meet you." I felt like I was seventeen again. Jesus. I put my hand out, just for the sake of being polite not that I actually held a lot of respect for this man. He sneered at the gesture only taking my hand and giving it a loose shake once Sue elbowed him in the side, glaring daggers at him.

"Oh, Sue Clearwater. It really is _lovely_ to finally meet you, Edward, really. I've, um, it's great. Bella seems completely _smitten_ with you. And you just seem… _wow_." She beamed, all wide-eyed and smiley. I smiled back and glanced at Bella who had now turned a deep shade of crimson. "She's told me about you," she whispered with a proud smile, looking at Bella as though she was the daughter she never had.

"And look at you," she held her arms out gesturing to her, stepping forward and immediately dropping her hands to the bump. "Look how big you are now!"

"I know, I'm like a balloon," Bella laughed a little, biting the corner of her lip while Sue cooed over the baby. In the time the two were caught up, I looked at Charlie who was standing awkwardly in the middle of the foyer. Completely separating himself, he stood alone, probably too stubborn to compliment his daughter despite the fact she was looking completely stunning these days. She literally had the pregnancy glow thing down to a T. I looked at her and it was like, boom, I'm blind.

I swear Tanya never got like that… eh. "Sweetie, you look beautiful. Doesn't she Charlie?"

We all looked over at him as he grunted and then nodded a little. Bella let go of my hand, thanked Sue then approached her father and crossed her arms. "Why are you here?" she asked and although I could only see her back, I imagined she was frowning at him. That was her frowny voice she was using.

He opened his mouth to speak but she cut him off. I was glad to see my girl was standing her ground. "If you've got something to say to me then I suggest you say whatever it is, otherwise just leave." Yep, my Bella flag was flying high.

"I'd, uh, I'd like to speak to you. If you'd like," Charlie spoke like a stubborn child who'd been told off and then forced to apologise. I imagined Sue had done the majority of this chiding.

"Well, no, I wouldn't really 'like' to at all." She shrugged, "But I'll just give you the benefit of the doubt but I have no idea why. Honestly, you should be thanking Edward I'm even standing here right now, and I'm going to be late for work, so thanks for that. But anything you say you can say here."

Charlie dug his hands into his pockets and sighed, looking briefly up at me with obvious distaste and then down at his shoes, "Could we not just go into another room?"

"Why can't you say it right now?"

"_Bella_," Charlie said in a firm voice to which Bella scoffed.

"Charlie," she retorted just as unyielding if not more so. After a moment of silence where they both stood staring at each other, Bella turned back to look at me a little lost as to what she should do next.

"If you need me I'm right here," I reassured her, nodding towards the living room as some form of direction. She turned back to her father and then motioned to the room, briefly glancing over her shoulder at me. Did she want me to go with her? She sounded strong but was looking so unsure of what she was doing. Sue and I stood for a moment after the two had disappeared. I felt like she was staring at me but I didn't want to look at her in case she really was. That would be awkward.

Every now and then I turned to her and smiled, and then looked somewhere else. I pulled my phone out and tapped my hands on my legs. Charlie's voice got louder and I could see Sue cringe beside me.

"Um, I think maybe I should be present for this. Charlie can get, kind of really irrational sometimes." I nodded at her, wondering if Bella wanted me as some sort of back-up too. I trusted that if she were in need of me she'd call me or something. I was still in the house, I didn't have to hold her hand for everything, and she was a big girl.

Sue kept on turning back and smiling dreamily at me as she made her way to doorway of the living room. Even waving a little as she disappeared through it, clearly thinking I was out of earshot when she said, "Sorry to interrupt but… _Bella._ You were _not_ lying. Oh dear god, my chest is about to implode. He's like, wow… my eyes _hurt_! I couldn't see through all the rays of sunshine sparkling off of him."

I'm sure Sue's great and everything but I'd been fighting cougars off for most of my life. When I was a teen my mother's friends were crazed, always cooing and making inappropriate comments about 'when I was older'. It made me want to cry. I thought I'd got out but it looked like I'd just landed myself right back in cougar town. Score….

---

I sat at the very top of the stairs with my phone to my ear, talking about everything with my mother. If Jasper could see me now I would probably win the _Pussy of the Year _award. I thought those petty titles disappeared once we got over the age of twenty one, but apparently not. They seemed to be getting worse as we got older which was a shame. I could see it now, the two of us as old men trying to decipher who should win party pooper of the week. Probably at that age I was imagining, it was meant quite literally.

"I thought you'd forgotten all about me, darling. I haven't seen you and Olivia in so long, I miss you."

I smiled, brushing off my work pants. I still hadn't changed since coming home and I was distracted now by the arguing people in my living room and my mother on the phone. "I know, just a lot's been going on. I wanted to call you but I got caught up in things and-"

"Edward, sweetie, it's fine. I'm fine, your father's fine. You have a life dear, I can't expect you to call me every five minutes. I'd be concerned as to what it was you were doing with your life if you _did_ have the time to call me every five minutes. I'd start to think I go out more than you," she laughed and then coughed a little. I sighed.

"I don't like that you're so ill and I'm not around…"

"Oh nonsense! I won't have my own son trying to baby me, I can handle myself thank you. And I have your father here. My treatment's going well, I would tell you otherwise, and I've got a bit of a cold. That's all. Darling, you shouldn't be worrying as much as you do at your age. I know you probably don't mind but it really does age you."

"You have a cold? It's summer."

"Hardly," she scoffed, "it's coming towards the end now. It was nice but it's over, and you can get ill at any time."

I sighed again, wanting to move the conversation on from illness, it seemed like it was the focal point of each conversation we had and to be honest, that shit was depressing. Like realising you can't get your mini me to stand to attention without the aid of Viagra _depressing_. Not that that had happened to me. Oh _hell_ no.

I kicked out my legs in front of me and then turned the phone slightly away from my ear to hear if Bella was still having her 'talk' with her dad. It all sounded pretty civil for the first half hour, the last fifteen minutes though were pretty bad.

"_Why are you telling me this now?" _I heard Bella shout_. _I couldn't always make out specific sentences but I could hear shouting and I could hear tears. Both from Bella. Which made me wonder, was she actually still talking to her father or had he and Sue left without me noticing, leaving her to rant alone? "_You're twenty four years too late, Charlie."_

But then Charlie's gruff voice got a bit louder in response, not loud enough to here though, I could only hear Bella. And so I sat on the phone to my mom, running my hand through my hair as staring at the living room doorway like a desperate fool, unsure of what I should do.

"She sounds pretty upset," my mother mused from the other end of the phone, "I take it Charlie's still there then."

"You heard that?" I asked, truly surprised she could. But then she always did have the ears of a hawk. Pretty much sucked for me whenever I was having my 'special alone time'. _No, mom, honestly, I'm not hurt, don't come in. Do. Not. Come. In._ Looking down the stairs I frowned and put a hand into my hair. "She is. I don't know whether I should go down there. I think I should go down there. Yeah, I'm going down."

"No, no, wait! It sounds like she's running out of energy for arguing… I think you should let her be. I know it's hard if you can hear she's upset but, from what you've told me, she needs to have it all out with him. And I know that Charlie Swan, he is one stubborn asshole at the best of times."

"Bella can be when she wants to be, too."

"Well then you might be there all night," she chuckled.

"They've been in there for the last forty five minutes."

"So? Edward, just let them talk. Or shout or whatever. A little adrenaline never killed anyone. Just make sure it doesn't get too out of hand." By 'out of hand', I assumed my mother meant Bella getting overly worked up. It was extremely unlikely I'd have to break up a physical fight; Charlie was a cop and Bella was pretty weak, but I'd already seen the effects of stress on Bella and it wasn't healthy.

Although I knew she couldn't see me, I nodded and then sighed, pushing my shirt sleeves up to my elbow and looking at my wrist to see my watch. "I'm going to go and do some work while I'm waiting. I don't like not doing anything and I'm not a fan of eavesdropping, I always catch the wrong bits."

"Ok, well, don't stress yourself out over small things, Edward. I'll speak to you later, darling. Oh, and make sure you visit your father and I soon. My granddaughter must be getting so big now, I feel like I'm missing out. And meeting Bella maybe, preferably _before_ she has the baby? That would be good, Edward. That would be _really_ good," she snorted sarcastically.

I put my hand in my hair and shook my head. By chance I noticed some black in the corner of my eye and when I turned to look, noticed Bella's cat was sitting nonchalantly beside me, staring down the stairs. It was a bit of a 'what the fuck' moment. After staring at it, I tried to remember what I was saying.

"Uh," I mused, scratching the side of my face, "Bella? Oh, right, um, yeah. You do. Soon as well, _before_ the baby. Right. We'll all come over there some time maybe. I don't know right now, but I'll definitely sort it out, mom. I'll call you in a couple days"

"Well, so long then. Oh, and tell Olivia Grandma and Grandpa love her very much. _So_ much."

"I will, do. Bye."

"And tell Bella I said hello."

"_Ok_."

"And Alice. And Jasper, too. How are those two by the way?"

"I don't know. Fine? Why don't you ask them?" I sighed, now just wanting to put the phone down. Seriously, my mother clearly struggled with the concept of 'goodbyes'. It doesn't mean you try and start the conversation back up again.

"Well you see them all the time, you should know. But you're just so evasive, Edward. I'd like to have a conversation with Bella sometime soon, so make sure you put her on the phone the next time we speak. I want to get to know her, Edward. I mean, she is having a grandchild of mine."

"Mother, I know but I'm going now. I will make sure you get to talk to her. Maybe you can swap numbers and become friends." I rolled my eyes.

"Edward, that would be fabulous! Ok, I'm going now, sweetie, lots of love. Take care of yourself." She started making kissing noises down the phone before hanging up, leaving me mumbling "I was being sarcastic" to myself.

The house was silent again other than the music Meg was playing on the radio in the kitchen and the sounds of Olivia running between rooms. I was so glad she'd soon have a sibling to keep her company, I felt really shitty knowing when she wasn't at school or at a friend's, she really had little to do. I felt really shitty that I spent so much time at work. It made me feel even worse knowing that if she was with Tanya, she'd be able to spend so much more time with her. Whether or not she actually would was another thing.

I hated that I wasn't going to be around for as much as I'd like when Bella had the baby. I'd have work and she'd be here more or less on her own with very little experience with a newborn. Even for someone _with_ experienced that seemed a bit daunting, because what if something went wrong and I was in a meeting or out of state and she couldn't get hold of me?

When Olivia was born my career hadn't properly taken off, I was close by, I had time. With Ethan, I just didn't think I would.

I was starting to hate my job more and more each day.

"I hate my life sometimes," I sighed, turning my head towards the cat still sitting beside me, "You ever get that?" The tip of its ear twitched a little, but apart from that he made no movement. "I guess not." Talking to the cat _again_, Edward? _Really_? "I'm probably just being a dick."

I sighed loudly as I heard Bella's voice, although hushed and I couldn't make out the words, her sadness was evident. There was a pain in the pit of my stomach when I heard her. She knew I was here, any time she wanted me I was _just here_. So why hadn't she called me when she clearly wasn't having any fun? Why did she think she had to do everything on her own?

"She won't tell me," I said to her cat as I gazed ahead at nothing in particular. "What they're talking about now, I mean. I'll have to ask her, she won't tell me on her own accord. And I don't know why. She'll tell you," I huffed. To my surprise, I felt a small nudge on the side of my leg and when I looked, saw the stupid thing was nuzzling up against it.

As cute or endearing as Bella may have found it, I did not.

But then it hit me with this _'why don't you love me?' _look, so I sort of tickled the back of its ear like I'd seen Bella do a million times while I brushed off my pants with the other hand. "So, maybe I don't hate you as much as I thought, but please refrain from doing whatever the hell it is you just did. That wasn't enjoyable for me, at all."

And when I took my hand from behind his ear I saw exactly why it wasn't enjoyable for me at all.

Motherfucking cat hair, god dammit.

There was fucking hair sticking to my hand and everything. It was even worse because of the heat, whenever you looked at his little catty figure clumps just fell off. And it drove me insane. There's only so many times I can remind myself he comes with Bella and that no, I can't put him in the oven _or_ accidentally put him under my car wheel. _Not even accidentally_. Maybe if he put himself there?

Honestly, I thought Bella was a little bit crazy when she went on about conversations she had with her cat, and maybe she was a bit weird but I think I understood how she understood him. Because he just gave you these _looks. _Maybe I was spending too much time with her but the cat spoke through its eyes. No joke.

Right now he was saying, _"Fine. Fuck you, I try to be nice and you just throw it back in my face. Well maybe I'll piss on your bed, asshole."_

Just like that and our five second truce was over. Hammy casually descended the stairs, his tail held high, while I moved up in the opposite direction. My eyes narrowed as I watched him brush his hairy body against the living room door frame, almost like he was taunting me. It seemed he could go in on his own free will whereas I had to be invited.

What the fuck was that about?

And he did. After giving me this '_Ha ha, Edward. Watch as I stroll in like I own the place and let Bella find comfort in me. Look how, _I'm _going to be the one to save her from fighting her battles alone. What a letdown you are' _look.

And then I thought, _what the fuck am I doing?_

I'm jealous of a cat. And instead of finding out whether the woman I love needs me in a time of crisis, I'm going to sit in my office and do work I don't really want to be doing, and feel like a complete dick for not doing anything and leaving her with a man who is sporting some sort of dead animal on his face.

I try. I don't want to make the wrong decision or judgements. I'm a complete pussy because I don't want it to go wrong. I pressure her too much. I pressure me too much. I get angsty too much.

And I have cat hair stuck to me so now I need to change my clothes. I'm like a woman. I'm going to start bleeding on a monthly basis soon. Fuck my life.

---

Time went by but I wasn't paying much attention to it. For a while I sat in my office wondering whether I was enough for Bella. Whether I should just _know_ when and where she needed me without her having to give me specific instruction. In the end I decided that yes, I should just know and if I didn't, I needed to find out because fuck me if I was going to be shown up by a motherfucking cat.

No.

So I sat at my desk with all the windows open because it was beginning to get quite humid, in a slightly pissed off mood. Not to mention the work I was doing should have already been done by someone else. I hated editing pictures, it's not what I did. I was not the photo editor yet here I was circling, shading, drawing arrows and writing notes in shouty capitals because most of it was basic and I hated being handed things full of sloppy mistakes.

Normally Alice looked through all this stuff before I got to it. It wasn't really part of her job description but she would hand it back if even she could see what was wrong. But Alice seemed to have disappeared from my life and I was not enjoying it at all. She popped in every now and then, told me what to do and then left me to it. She was rarely in the house, even Bella hadn't heard much from her.

Coincidently, Jasper had been pretty quiet as of late too, so I figured they were fucking again but I'd probably be the last one to be told anything because I always was. But it's cool…

I sighed, putting my pen down and sitting back in my chair, realising only then that Bella was sitting on the arm of the leather sofa. I remembered briefly when she fainted the first time she came here and I laid her out on that sofa. It seemed so long ago.

"Hey," she said with a small smile. Her eyes were obviously red and blotchy from crying although she tried to hide most of her face behind the overgrown rat she loved so much. She held Hammy like a baby, rubbing her nose against his fur, the tips of his ears. I didn't understand how she could do that to an animal. It didn't appeal to me in the slightest.

"Hi," I said, giving a somewhat evil glare to the cat. He was turning into such a cocky little fucker. Blatantly copping a feel of _my_ girlfriend. What a prick.

Bella sat holding him to her like he was a lifeline. I sat watching her, knowing full well she wasn't going to tell me what happened unless I asked. But I wasn't going to ask, she'd have to tell me eventually. I was just wishing 'eventually' was that second, that particular moment in time. But apparently it wasn't.

"There's probably no point in me going to work now." Her voice was a little distant but not as morose as I was anticipating. I think she knew that wasn't what I wanted to hear. She wasn't stupid and it was somewhat obvious I would want to know. It was ridiculously obvious I wanted to know, the evidence was all around my study.

"I like how you've started to arrange your books. And your desk. Everything on your desk is looking very… symmetrical," she pointed out, a knowing and somewhat mocking smile set on her face. I looked around at the bookshelf she was referring to, where I had started to colour co-ordinate the books, my desk, where things were looking pretty symmetrical, and tried to shrug it off. I had a nervous disposition; she knew that. Rearranging was my equivalent of a nervous tick. Not my fault.

"Edward, why do you do that?" she asked, cocking her head to the side, freeing the cat to wander the room as it pleased.

"Why do I do what?" Bella pointed to the bookshelf and then my desk. "Oh, right."

"I know you do it when you're anxious, I get that it's just what you do, but why? And you said you used to have panic attacks. These things don't just happen, they're triggered by something."

I thought for a second, "Stress?" I don't know why I said that as a question. Stress was a factor, I knew that. "I used to have a therapist because I had a lot of it when I was younger. My mom was in the hospital for about a month or two, maybe longer, yeah, definitely longer, she fell of her horse. That was really bad, I've always been _anxious_, but that pretty much sent me into overdrive because I thought she was going to die and I think that's when my panic attacks started. Then just other stuff set them off later on. I don't get them anymore."

"Oh." She thought for a second and I was going to ask her why she wanted to know when she asked me another. "How old were you when you met Tanya?"

Was this twenty one questions or something? Looking at her incredulously I answered, "Fifteen… why?"

She shrugged. "When did you lose it?"

"Lose what?"

"You know…"

"No, Isabella, I don't know."

"Your virginity. Did you lose it to her?"

I narrowed my eyes wondering what the hell the relevance of this was to anything, "Seventeen, and no I didn't. She was a family friend, we didn't start seeing each other until the middle of senior year…?"

"You have a piano downstairs," she continued, "I didn't even know it was there until I went into the drawing room the other day. I've never been in the drawing room. Well I have but I never really paid much attention to anything in there… do you ever play it?"

In her curiosity, I noticed she had drifted towards my desk and perched herself on the edge, watching me intently. Like she really wanted to know these little unimportant details about my life. Really, I was struggling to find any of this significant; still I continued to answer her.

"I play it all the time, whenever I can. I just play it alone usually; I'm not big on audiences."

"Could I hear you play it?" she said with a smile, cocking her head to one side.

"Now?"

"No, not now, unless you want to? Anytime, I'd love it. I'm a complete sucker for musicians, Edward. It's sure to work in your favour." My work was completely forgotten by now, pushed aside, I was tapping the pen on the wood of the desk as I thought about Bella's questions. She'd be awesome at mind control shit, I mean, what the fuck were we even talking about? I was supposed to be working.

Obviously, I'd much rather answer her random questions, but still. This could have been some seriously important shit. Actually it was pretty important but I was going to let her distract me anyway. I'd spent the last two hours rearranging, it was obvious I was looking for a way out of doing this.

"If you want…" Now, in a minute, tonight, tomorrow, next week, month, year, I'll do it whenever because I'm a complete pussy and you _own_ me. The two main females in my life had so much power over me it was ridiculous. Despite this innocent shit Bella pulled with me, I was sure she had clocked on. The day Olivia figured it out I'm sure would be Judgment Day.

She nodded and looked behind me out of the window. It was like she was looking but she wasn't seeing anything, just looking. "I can't wait," she breathed out, shutting her eyes a wistful smile lingering on her face. Her voice was so quiet I only just caught what she said. Something about the pause and the way she said it told me she wasn't just referring to the piano playing any more.

"Take me somewhere, anywhere. I'm not going to work but I don't want to be inside anymore. I hate inside. That's a lie, but I hate it right now. Can we get ice-cream? I love ice-cream."

Apparently the word ice-cream could be heard through the ears of every six year old for miles around. It was like those high noises that only dogs can hear but for kids. Kids and sugar. They're like addicts looking for their next fix and then you giving them candy, somehow you've become their dealer, their supplier and you feel bad when they just can't stop.

Well I don't feel bad but Bella said she did. That was her analogy, not mine. I stole it and she'll never know because she doesn't reside in my head.

"Ice-cream?" I repeated, glancing at the small pile of papers on my desk and coming to stand behind my desk. Maybe I needed to stay in, but an hour out wouldn't kill me.

"Ice-cream? Are we getting ice-cream?" Olivia said from around the door, Kitty squeezing through her legs to get into the room and then follow a scent around it, wagging her tail vigorously while she explored the new room. So just about all of us were in this one room now. How? Why? No-one really came up here but me and Bella when she wanted a book. Olivia sometimes played in the hallway and in some of the guestrooms, but not often.

"Daddy, I'm bored," she sighed, dragging out the vowel sound in each word, stumbling into the room over dramatically and collapsing on the sofa. "I'm so bored I died."

"We can take the dog out for a walk, Olivia?" Bella said, looking back over one shoulder at the fed up little girl.

Olivia opened one eye. "Can we get ice-cream?"

"We can definitely get ice-cream. I really want some too."

"Can we stop saying 'ice-cream'? You can't have any anyway, Olivia. I thought you were dead?" I chuckled. Not even seconds later she was standing up and marching on the spot in front of my desk.

"Not dead!" She beamed at me. Suddenly her marching came to a halt, her eyes staring directly at Bella as she tilted her head to one side and then the other. I looked between the both of them and Bella was obviously becoming uncomfortable with being the centre of attention for an unknown reason.

"What are we looking at?" I asked my daughter as she approached Bella and started poking her belly, still staring questioningly at her face.

"Why are you sad?" she asked. Bella looked at her and then me with the same confused expression.

"I'm not?" she laughed a little and then tilted her head mimicking Olivia. "Do I look sad?"

Olivia nodded and then shrugged, "Well not _really_, but yes. You're eyes are pinky. And here is too." She pointed to her cheek which was still a little blotchy from her crying. I'd nearly forgotten that Charlie and Sue had even been in the house. Where were they now? And what had happened? I still wanted to know. "Like that time that I was in the kitchen but you didn't know I was there and you were sad and talking to Meg, and then you went. Your eyes were like that."

When the hell did she become so observant?

"Oh," Bella sighed, and then smiled reassuringly, "I'm fine though, I'm not sad."

"Promise?"

She nodded, taking the sides of Olivia's face in her hands and pressing her forehead to the top of hers. Because of the height difference, all of Bella's hair fell like curtains over both of their faces. "I promise." I couldn't hear anything else she said after that because the two of them were whispering. Olivia was giggling when Bella stood straight again, running a head through her hair to keep it back, giving me a smug smile.

I gave her an 'I haven't forgotten and I still want to know what happened' smile back, to which she rolled her eyes and took my hand. "I have work to do, you know," I complained pathetically.

"Don't care. Dog, Olivia, ice-cream, let's go."

---

Holding Bella's hand in public made me feel like my dick had fallen off and I'd grown a vagina.

I had butterflies or some shit in my stomach. It was like I was a teenage _girl_. Not even a horny teenage boy who just wanted to fuck everything and anything willing with a pussy. No, this hand holding made me want to write poems and songs, love notes I could leave beside her pillow so she would wake up and know that even when I'm not there, I'm thinking of her.

It wasn't just that we were holding hands, it was the way she held my hand, the way she gently squeezed me each time she laughed or when she was trying to decide the flavour of ice-cream she wanted- in the end she had vanilla which was completely unadventurous. After standing there for fifteen minutes, she chose vanilla. Not even Super Whippy Vanilla Space Mess, still vanilla ice-cream it just sounded awesome because it had 'super' and 'space' in the name. 'Mess' made it lose some awesome points in my opinion.

"I like Vanilla, Edward. It reminds me that something out there can be just as enjoyable yet boring as me," she'd told me as the man at the Ben & Jerry's place handed her her cone.

"Well that's just a load a crap," I scoffed, taking a lick of my Chunky Monkey, Caramel Chew Chew and Chocolate Fudge Brownie combo. Even Ben & Jerry's couldn't think up anything better for Vanilla. It was just Vanilla. Fucking Vanilla. Just what was she doing with her life?

Even Olivia had Cookie Dough and she wasn't adventurous in the slightest.

The weather was ok. Not too hot which was good. If it got too hot I had to make sure Olivia didn't leave the house without an extra measure of sun block on her nose, because it burnt otherwise and she looked like Rudolph on holiday. I noticed when Bella came back from Forks her pink shoulders showed she evidently didn't care much for sun block. But today was pretty mild so everyone was spared an Edward bitchfest.

We had a nice stroll. It was enjoyable, it was peaceful, it felt normal. Bella even commented on how people were ignoring us completely other than the odd smile a nice person she would make eye contact with gave her. I asked why that was such a good thing and she said it was because we just looked like another normal family. That most people who saw us probably thought we were married, Olivia was our daughter, we were expecting another child and all was well as we took the dog out for an afternoon walk.

Then I started smiling like a fool because if I didn't know any better, if I wasn't me, I would have assumed the same thing. But I didn't want to say that I liked that assumption aloud, despite the fact Bella seemed more content after stating it herself.

In fact the three of us eating ice cream, Bella dropping a load on the floor and only getting half of hers in the end, Olivia getting tangled in the dog's lead because she was preoccupied with something on the ground while the dog was walking circles around her, Bella continually asking me really random questions, it all nearly made me forget what had happened earlier with Charlie. _Nearly_.

Right when I honestly thought she wasn't going to tell me if I didn't ask, she just came out with it.

"Charlie apologised," she said nonchalantly as she stared vacantly at our intermingled hands. "For everything. And they left nearly two hours before I came up to your study but I went and sat in your room _and cried_." She rolled her eyes and shook her head, letting out a small but sad laugh.

"And then I sat on your bed and did nothing but sit there and think of you." With a large intake of breath she looked up at the sky and then me and exhaled deeply. "And then I wrote a list. No, no, I wrote like, um, a plan? I know you can't plan everything but a basic outline. It's like a to-do list for my life. I think I've needed one for a long time now."

She smiled at me before continuing. "I don't know, talking to Charlie really made me realise how much a need you. You and vanilla ice-cream. He said everything I _knew_ he's been thinking my whole life, it was just weird how much it hurt when he actually said it outloud. And I kind of hate him more for not telling me before, but at the same time… I'd find it hard to say. 'Oh, hey there, you're the reason the love of my life is dead and I'm finding it really hard to get over that'."

She sighed.

"Anyway, I got upset obviously, and pissy, and ok, I think you're right about my hormones so I started shouting a bit and… and then I calmed down and asked them to leave. He said he's going to try more with me because he knows it wasn't my fault, so they're going to come back some time in the week. They're staying with Emmett, but I like the sound of 'happy families' so I'm going to introduce you and Olivia to him and Sue properly and I guess we'll just see."

Lost for what it was I was supposed to say back to her, I brought her hand to my mouth and kissed it. "I love you," I said softly into her skin.

"I love you, too."

"Ok, my turn for random questions, why do you smile when you're sad? It's really confusing, you are the most infuriating person to try and read, Swan."

She giggled, "My questions weren't random at all."

I quirked my eyebrow, "You asked me if I'd ever eaten a crayon."

She pursed her lips trying to conceal her grin.

"Ok, that one was random, but I'm just trying to find out more about you. You're pretty hard to read as well, you don't just give things away. And when I was in your room thinking about you, I was a little shocked to think there is still so much we don't know about each other. And I want to know everything, or nearly everything. I've eaten a crayon accidentally, I was drawing and eating a candy bar and I got them mixed up. It was an interesting experience."

Olivia turned around holding tightly to the dog's leash. "I ate a crayon once daddy, remember? It didn't taste good at all."

"Yes, I remember." I also remember having a mini freak out when she did it. It was all in some sort of protest, she was drawing on her walls _again _and I told her to give me the crayon or I'd take them all from her. So she ate it and I stood there thinking what the fuck is this. That can't be healthy, what is even included in crayons? I know it's not sugar and edible substances.

"You didn't answer my question," I said to Bella, going back to our conversation.

"I know, because I don't know the answer, sorry. It's not a conscious thing really. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. Anyway, I want to show you my list when we get back. I wrote two but… I don't think you should concern yourself with the other one just yet." She looked down at herself and patted her stomach with a sigh. "Nope, you're not going to see that list for a long while yet. It's a real shame."

Ok, well now I wanted to know what the hell was on the second list. I'm glad she had the life plan list but this one sounded more exciting already.

"Now you have to tell me what's on that list." Her smile in response was coy but her eyes had lit up with a mischievous gleam. And now I really wanted to know. "Tell me," I tried but she shook her head. I looked ahead at my daughter, "Olivia, stop walking just a second, baby."

Everyone came to a halt, Bella looking completely confused as I turned to her with narrow eyes and a wide smile, "You probably should tell me now, for your own sake." She shook her head just as defiantly but now with a smile.

"What did she do?" Olivia asked excitably, tugging on the bottom of my shirt.

"She's not telling me something I need to know." Yeah, I _need_ to know now.

"Daddy I think you should tickle her. She'll tell you then." Oh wow, I've raised an evil genius. I knew I was doing something right.

"I think I should." I agreed with a devious smile on my face, my hands already on Bella's hips as she tried to struggle away.

"Wait, what? No! Edward, don't you dare!"

"So tell me," I chuckled darkly squeezing her waist.

"Well… I can't now," her eyes quickly flitted to Olivia and then back to me. I shrugged looking unsympathetic.

"That's a shame, because-"

"Tickle fingers at the ready!" Olivia declared almost pouncing on Bella, going straight for her sides and giving no mercy, evading Bella's flailing arms as she began laughing hysterically. Yep, my daughter.

"Nooo!" Bella laughed, twisting and turning just when I decided to join in. Maybe it was a bit ruthless… oh well. Olivia and I worked like a tag-team, when her tickle fingers got tired I took over, Bella looked like she was going to die. "Oh my god," she laughed, a few tears trickling down her cheeks as she went into a crouch, wrapping her arms around herself.

"Stop! Stop! I'm seriously going to pee myself! Don't let me piss myself in public, please!" Olivia and I were laughing just as hysterically as she was, the dog running around the three of us, barking and wagging her tail, occasionally putting her paws up on Bella's leg as she remained in her crouching position.

It probably looked more like rape than a tickling so we stopped. Not to mention Bella probably would have pissed herself. Something about bladders being weaker when you're pregnant? And I didn't want her getting a hernia or anything.

"You two are so mean!" she gasped as she stood up again, using my leg as some sort of crutch. "And in all seriousness can we hurry back because I really need to pee, so thanks for that."

"Are you going to tell me what's on that list?" I asked.

"No, I'm not. Definitely not now. And if you tickle me again, I'll pee on those Prada shoes of yours. Don't risk it, Edward, I wouldn't." I looked down at my shoes and then back to her and snorted.

Touché Isabella, touché.

**So this was like a filler chapter, and in all honesty I just wasn't in the mood to write any sex haha. There will be sex in the next chapter though, first thing I will deal with in the chapter, I promise. I honestly seriously do. Also, I realised I like writing Bella more than Edward (as much as I love him).**

**Anyway, review with thoughts/ wants /needs, like I've said before, give me something to respond to and I'll try and respond to it. **

**You know you love me, XOXO**

**P.s. Happy birthday to all the people who's birthdays are in March. Apparently people get a bit frisky during May/June…probably due the weather starting to warm up haha. You know how heat causes more kinetic energy- wink wink nudge nudge. LOL.**


	29. From The Ritz To The Rubble

**I'm sitting in a lobby of a very nice hotel in Egypt. I was meant to update this last night but I lost the connection to the internet, right in the middle of having an important discussion with Julia. Boo. **

**So here it is, I think I replied to most reviews… and if I didn't, I'm sorry, I meant to and thank you anyway.**

**Song: From The Ritz To The Rubble - Arctic Monkeys**

**BPOV**

Rain.

There was just so much of it falling down from the heavens. I wished so much that I could see it properly or feel it on my skin, but it was the middle of the night. Not that I could sleep. LM was tossing and turning and it was keeping me up. Edward was pretty much dead to the world so I'd slipped out of his grasps to sit beside the large window in his bedroom, watching water droplets dribbling down the glass.

The light that almost formed a halo around the city was blurred as I looked out at it, the water distorted my vision but I sat and looked out for god knows how long, a couple of minutes, maybe an hour, I don't know. But after a while I felt lonely and a little chilly, and as I looked over at Edward, all snuggled up and warm, I thought about just returning to the bed, putting his arm back around me and watching him until I fell asleep myself.

But to be honest, I liked where I was and how the fuck could I possibly feel lonely when I had another person not only _with_ me, but _inside_ me?

"Are you sleeping yet, sweetheart?" I said to my stomach as I placed a hand over it. "I hope so. I really do because I'd like to sleep at some point if that's ok with you. I think you're turning into a bit of a show off to be honest, I _know_ you can move around, I can feel it most of the time, but can you keep it to the daytime please?"

I smiled knowing full well I wasn't going to get any response, hoping I wasn't anyway. I had a nightmare once that I gave birth to a baby that spoke like the guy at the news stall by my apartment. That was a creepy dream.

"I think you like the rain," I sighed contently. I was definitely a fan of the rain, just watching it, knowing that summer was at its end. The only bad thing I could think of with the arrival of September was my freakin' birthday. As much as I liked to think perhaps everyone had forgotten, I knew better.

Rose was always overly keen and Edward had probably been planning what to get me since his birthday. He hadn't actually asked me though, so I wondered if he'd already decided. I didn't really want anything. Shoes would suffice me, but Edward always wanted _big_. And I like presents, I like the thought of expensive presents, who doesn't? But receiving one from Edward just seemed wrong.

I would, probably in a matter of days, be 'fully' moved into his house. It wouldn't be just _his_ house, it would be _our_ house, _our_ room, _our _bed. That was an odd thought, nothing ever really occurs to me until it's literally whacking me square in the face.

In a way, I didn't want Edward to get me anything, he'd already given me too much. A route out of my dreary one-way life, a belief in myself, a family…

My phone started buzzing on the side table yanking me out of my reverie. Edward groaned and turned over in his sleep while I tiptoed as fast as I could over to the bedside. Why did I even bother tiptoeing? The phone was making such a noise, and then when I picked it up, I dropped it, making it clatter on the floor. I checked the clock before hurrying over to the door to answer it – two thirty in the morning. Apparently Edward didn't wake up for shit.

"Hello?" I said into the phone, glancing back at my sleeping man, undisturbed and peaceful before I closed the door and walked down the hallway.

"Come back to bed, please," a groggy voice said from the other side. I pulled the phone away and looked at the caller ID, smiling widely as I put it back to my ear.

"Wrong number?" I said with a grin.

"I don't know… I'll check."

"I think it might be."

"I don't think it is." I could hear the voice louder now, and not just from my phone. "Definitely not the wrong number," Edward sighed as he pulled my back to him, wrapping his arms around my middle and burying his head into the crook of my neck. _So much for sleeping. _

I ended the call, tilting my head slightly to one side while he continued to use me as some sort of standing up bed, I could feel him getting heavier and heavier on my shoulder.

"I didn't mean to wake you up," I apologised.

"Why are you up?" he mumbled.

"Baby was moving," I mumbled back in a voice that mimicked his, laughing a bit and groaning when he got a little heavier on me. "Edward, don't fall asleep on me please you're too heavy, I can't support the weight of three people at once."

"Three?"

"Yeah, me, you, Ethan."

"Ethan…" he muttered a little amusedly, kissing my neck softly before putting his cheek to my shoulder.

"Edward," I complained.

"Mmm…"

"I'm serious!" I laughed, shaking my shoulders to get him off, "Get the hell off of me, you weigh, like, seriously too much."

"Thanks," he yawned rubbing his eyes, before looking at me and pouting. "You know, if I were a woman, I might actually find that quiet offensive."

"Why just if you were a woman? Men might find that offensive too. In fact, I'm offended that you think that way. Quite a sexist view there. I know _I _worry about a lot more than my weight actually." Yeah, baby, work, family issues, my cat, Olivia, Edward, in fact I had become a bit paranoid recently so everything had me a bit anxious. Edward might think he's the only one who worries about stuff, but just because I don't rearrange things or vocalise my concerns, it doesn't mean they're not there.

Instead of making any effort to defend himself, he just stood there, eyes closed, his eyebrows knitted together, shoulders slumped and his mouth turned down. "I'm not talking sense. Have…no idea what you are saying. Just. Sleep."

I shook my head, holding him by his waist to turn him around and walked him back to his bed. I really wasn't joking about him being heavy, he's like a fucking rock. I'm pretty sure I could have run into him with a high-kick and he wouldn't have budged. Not that I can high-kick. Or run.

"How the fuck did you manage to get out of that bed? You're not even really awake. Are you sleepwalking right now? If you are, sleepwalk your ass back to where you came from, I can't move you by myself. You're like a fucking wall."

He groaned and trudged forward. I nearly fell over since I had been previously pushing against him and then he just decided to move on his own accord. Dick. Reluctantly he made it back to the bed and fell on top of it, only moving himself under the covers after a good five minutes of lying on top of them.

"I need… beside… smell you," he burbled into the pillows. I had no idea what the heck he was saying. It was like he was drunk on his lack of sleep, but he stuck an arm out pointing in my general direction, so after closing the curtains from where I had been sitting, I returned to bed.

This half asleep Edward was adorable but fucking weird. As soon as I was back under the covers, he attached himself to me, clinging to my top like a lost child and rubbing his nose along the side of my neck, inhaling softly. "Better," he breathed onto my skin, murmuring something else that sounded like "I love you. You smell so good. Mmm."

Hoping my presence would send him back to sleep and stop his random mutterings, I turned onto my side and let him spoon me. Spooning. I love spooning. I love spooning after sex but since I'm not getting much of that these days, just the spooning will do.

I suppose…

Oh fuck it. I want the sex, dammit Edward. With crazed hormones I was forever horny. And it often felt like I was being handed a spoon without the ice-cream. The ice-cream's the good bit, what the hell was I supposed to do with just the spoon? Fuck the spooning. If I was a real bitch, I would wake him the hell up and make him fuck me. But I'm not a bitch, I'm just a horny loser who's going to cry herself to sleep.

He sighed deeply, his breath cool against my shoulder; I knew he was pretty much gone now. I remember the days when spooning led to forking. They were good times for me, I loved life on those days. But saying that, I wasn't with Edward in 'those days', I was with Mike, and between Mike and Edward, I had a brief fling with Tyler. I was needy, bored and a little depressed because Mike left me. I didn't want my vagina to dry out like the Sahara Desert, Tyler was just _there, _I was upset and new in New York, and I liked sex. A lot. I still do. Possibly even more than I did. Which was a lot to begin with.

It seemed like my thoughts were just whirring around my head in some sort of vicious circle, always the same things, constant reminders of how desperate I was becoming. And the more I thought about it, the more I _felt_ it, _that_ build up in my nether regions, and with it came the feeling of despair and uselessness because there was nothing I could do about it.

Well, there was. And I was seriously about to get up, right at that second, and dig through the boxes from my bedroom that had yet to be unpacked, because I knew there was a vibrator in there somewhere, maybe even two. I could be having a one-woman party, but I'm not.

I'm lying here in the dark, listening to the faint sounds of rain, moping.

-x-x-x-x-x-

"You were humping my leg in your sleep last night," I said nonchalantly as I took the last bite of my toast and brushed my hands off. Edward and I were sitting in the kitchen, I was sitting at the island while he stood on the other side, flicking through a daily newspaper. Except he wasn't anymore, he was giving me a weird look.

"Excuse me?"

"You were humping my leg last night. While you were sleeping," I repeated. "Like a dog might I add."

"Yeah, right," he scoffed disbelievingly. No, I made it up Edward, really, because I was having such a _great_ night as it was, I thought I might just liven things up this morning. Idiot. I just rolled my eyes and carried on as I was but I could feel his questioning stare, wondering whether I was actually telling the truth. Which I was _obviously_ because that is not something I just say for the fun of it.

'_You were humping my leg', 'Really?', 'No'._

"Seriously?" he said quietly, suddenly inclining toward me.

"Uh-huh." My smile was wide as I glanced up at him from under my eyelashes. He blanched. "It was pretty funny, I was just lying there wishing LM would stop moving around so much so vigorously and then something or should I say _someone_ was on my leg."

It was a serious what the fuck moment and at first I was thoroughly weirded out because I don't think I've had my leg dry humped by a sleeping man with a serious hard-on before. Definitely an experience…

"Fuck." _Yeah, I really wish we would. _"I'm sorry. I didn't know I was so… shit." His hands were in his hair, nervously combing through and he wouldn't make eye contact with me, almost like he was ashamed. I don't know why, it was probably the highlight of my night and I was not ashamed to admit that.

"If I wasn't as stupidly horny as _I am_, I might have woken you up and told you to stop." I grinned hoping he could read my thoughts. I was quite simply saying '_Fuck me, Edward. Hard, fast and soon.'_ It took him a second to process this but when he did, when I assumed he'd caught on, he tilted his head to one side and the corner of his mouth pulled up into _that smile_.

My smile. I own that smile now. Just. Wow.

"Bella, you don't have any horns… you're not very horny at all," said a confused voice from the kitchen doorway.

Oh fuck my life.

Pulled from the mass of dirty thoughts and images that came to mind just from _that smile _- seriously, it was slightly concerning how many fucked up things my mind could assemble in two seconds, oh the things you do to me Edward Cullen – I realised we were not alone. At some point Olivia had appeared and caught just the end of that conversation. And I was really wishing she hadn't.

Where the hell does she even appear from? She just seems to have a knack for overhearing the wrong things. A six year old just told me I'm not very horny at all. That is so wrong, even if she meant it in an innocent way. I'm inadvertently destroying her childhood innocence. I'm going to hell.

And Edward just fucking loves it, he loves to see me squirm and my face to heat up in embarrassment. He encourages it. He's a completely sadistic prick. So after Olivia had said this, his attention was momentarily swayed onto trying to make me feel awkward.

"Sorry, what was that, Olivia?" he asked, holding back a chuckle.

Olivia scrambled up onto the seat next to mine, leaning the majority of her body onto the granite worktop. "Umm, Bella said she was horny. But she doesn't have horns?"

"I think she is pretty horny."

"Edward-!" I gasped because, well… what the hell!

He continued, "I mean if you look really closely, you can see horns coming out of her hair." _Oh nice. _Olivia came close to me, squinting as she stared intently at the top of my head. We were talking about me being 'horny' and I know she was talking about actual horns, but Edward was definitely not.

"I can't see anything," Olivia said sounding very disappointed. Because me with horns would have been really cool…

Edward wasn't even looking at my head, he was looking directly at me with a smirk when he said, "Oh, well, I can." And I felt my face get stupidly hot so I looked away and huffed.

"What are we talking about?" Meg asked as she walked in tying her hair up into a bun whilst making a beeline for the coffee machine.

"Bella said she's horny but I can't see any horns. Can you? Daddy said he could." Meg looked between myself and Edward and then just shook her head. After she'd turned the coffee machine on, she glanced at me and laughed.

"Ok." I clapped my hands together, narrowing my eyes at Edward before standing up and pinching Olivia's side. "I haven't got any horns… I was just… it doesn't actually matter. Um. Anyway, we need to get you changed and your father needs to leave this house. I'm sure he has work or something."

"Actually, I don't have to be in for another half an hour." _Yeah, ok smartass. No-one gives a shit_.

Rolling my eyes, I lifted Olivia down from her seat and set her on the floor, taking her hand. "Well maybe you should be early. And irrespective of what you're doing with your life, your daughter and I have things to do today."

"Like what?"

"We're going to get stuff for the baby and you're not coming, nuh nuh nuh nuh," Olivia chanted as she jiggled her little self about.

"Yep, we are. And we need to get some other stuff too. Olivia needs some new school shoes and I need some new underwear…" Edwards face fell. "While you're at work. Working _hard_. At work. _Working_," I sighed. "It's a real shame. You being at work and everything. I don't have work today, so I'll just be around…"

I was just trying to make him jealous but I was also in serious need of a new bra because, holy _fuck_, I had motherfucking melons attached to my chest. I wasn't used to this, I wasn't used to running down the stairs and getting a black eye from my boobs. I used to have mosquito bites.

By the time I'd finished, Edward was glaring at me. "I'm going to work," he said stoically. I felt like my job here was done. I'd evened things out; Bella, one, Edward, one.

"Have a nice day, daddy." Olivia beamed at him as he picked up his bagel, closed the newspaper and then came over to where we stood.

"I'll try, princess." He kissed the top of her head before looking at me and shaking his head. "You… just..."

"Goodbye, Edward," I laughed as I leant forward and kissed him.

"You're still looking pretty horny from where I'm standing," he whispered into my ear as he held me to him slightly, his hand on the small of my back. "Oh and if you buy anything lacy, frilly, whatever, then I'm getting a show at some point today. No ifs, buts or maybes." He kissed just under my ear and I almost melted. "Have fun, beautiful."

And the arrogance was back as he left me there gaping while he bit into his bagel and disappeared.

Now I _had_ to buy something lacy, frilly, whatever.

Bella, one, Edward, two. _Damn_.

-x-x-x-x-x-

Who knew I enjoyed spending money so much? Apparently when I know I've been given no limit I have no guilt. I was starting to think Edward's credit card could possibly be in the running for my new best friend and baby shopping had become my favourite type of shopping. It started off nicely, with the odd 'this is cute', or 'aw, look at this one', 'this is definitely a necessity' and then somewhere in between I spent three thousand dollars.

It was completely crazy, I started and then I couldn't stop. Alice wasn't any help either, she was encouraging this insane spending. I'd never, ever, in my life, spent that much on one shopping trip and then continued to spend. By the time I couldn't go on and Olivia looked like she was going to kill herself or me, maybe both, it was closer to five thousand. And we still had to go back.

We decided to have a break because although I was completely caught up in baby buying, I was pathetic when it came to shopping sprees and my feet were starting to hurt and I was pretty much spent, plus I'd arranged for Olivia to go to Rose's while Alice and I carried on since I'd anticipated her boredom.

So some way or another, I wound up at Edwards work. Alice got a call on her blackberry just after Olivia got picked up so we had to go in so she could sort shit out.

I hated their office, I didn't like the people in there, they were all too perfect for people who worked within a friggin advertising agency. I mean seriously, I could have easily mistaken this for a modelling agency. Not that there's anything wrong with beautiful people, I just felt like I was being judged from every angle.

The best, and the worst, thing about this place was everything was made of glass. You had no privacy but seeing everything definitely had its advantages. So I didn't mind waiting around because I could see Edward in his work suit which I just wanted to rip from his body. While people went on with their everyday work lives, completely ignoring me, I stood, leaning ever so slightly on Alice's desk, watching Edward go about his.

He just seemed to own everything he did. It looked as if he was in a small meeting, parading around the room while other men and women, all in business attire, watched him intently, occasionally saying something and scribbling down notes. I could feel his presence from here. For all I knew he could have been talking about how pineapple tastes fizzy when it's out of date, it wouldn't have really mattered, the way he held himself, all of his body language, it just oozed power and authority.

It was pretty hot, I'm not going to lie.

My eyes were trained to him. I watched as his eyebrows knitted together and he ran a hand through his hair irritably. I watched as he leaned over the long table they were all gathered around and flicked through some papers, holding one up and making some sort of joke to which they all laughed. I smiled as well even though I hadn't heard it and had no idea whether what he had said was even minutely funny.

I bit my lip watching as he unbuttoned and rolled the sleeves of his shirt, placing his hands on his hips as he listened carefully to what a woman towards the end of the table was saying. He shrugged. He crossed his arms and tapped his fingers on his biceps that were looking _so_ good through his shirt. He paced the room a little and then, just by chance, he glanced at me and then looked away.

And then he looked again and didn't look away.

I flushed under his gaze as he came to a halt, all I could do was smile back at him. And he smiled so I smiled a little more and I think he did too. But then I got this full on stupidly large grin which I tried, and failed, to hide, behind my hand and it looked as if he laughed a little to himself.

We were having a moment through the glass in the middle of his meeting.

I seemed to realise I was working as a distraction before he did and pointed toward the other people in the room, a few of which had turned around to see what it was he was smiling like a moron at, and others who hadn't noticed or simply didn't care. He looked at them and then back at me and then them again, shaking his head, probably making some sort of apology and trying to backtrack but it didn't seem to be working so well.

He couldn't stop looking up at me after every other word and I was still just standing there, watching and smiling.

Needless to say, the meeting didn't last much longer and after saying a few more words, Edward more or less darted out and was standing in front of me with the same smile as earlier.

"Hi," I said, biting the edge of my bottom lip and watching as the people with whom he was having a meeting walked past, all but two eying me up, one even patting Edward on the back. He rolled his eyes, took my hand and pulled me into his office, shutting the door carefully while I walked ahead and stared at the white leather sofa in the corner of the room before putting my bag down onto it.

"I've only been in here once before. I feel like this room started something… _everything_," I mused aloud, sighing contently before I turned to face him, remembering how awful the conversation we'd last had here had been. I'd been in such a different place then to where I was now. I was so confused, so lost, so nervous, unsure, desperate for something to just set me straight. And a lot less pregnant.

He kissed me when I turned around. There was no build up, no warning, I just turned and his lips were there and so were mine. And they met and it was all so hurried and took me by surprise that I had no time to prepare my heart as it started thumping erratically. But my hands were on his waist while his were holding my face and everything just seemed to melt into him until he pulled away.

"Hello," he said, resting his forehead against mine. "I want to do that to you every time we have a 'moment', you know."

"Do what?"

"Kiss you."

"Oh." I smiled and kissed him again. "So do I," I admitted because it was true. It was always true. I wanted to kiss or touch or hug or fuck Edward most of the time. All at once. "But not so much in your _glass _office where everyone can _see _while you're supposed to be working."

There were five people indiscreetly watching us from outside his office, I could see the nosey fuckers in my peripheral vision. I was going to wave at them but I decided against it, it would probably make everyone feel awkward. Maybe I could show them my tits since they were so huge and in everyone's faces. Too much? Yeah, probably.

"But saying that, there is something sort of thrilling about being seen, you know, doing _stuff." _I began fiddling with one of the buttons on his shirt. "Not that we can here but… it makes you feel a bit naughty."

"Very naughty. Pretty certain I'd get fired actually," he laughed. "Could you imagine if I fucked you on this desk, right now, knowing people were watching? That would be…insane. Fucking _awesome_ but I think I could get arrested for that."

"That would be _very _naughty then. And I _can_ imagine actually, and I have, and I wrote it down..." I mumbled the last part so he didn't hear, but I think he might have.

"What?" he asked, probably sceptical of what he thought he'd heard.

"I said it could be quite awkward. Me being pregnant and all." _The second list, that is all I'm saying…_ "You haven't even asked me what I'm doing here." Change subject, smooth. I let go of him and went to sit on the sofa while he leant against his desk.

"I know you went shopping with Alice, I know Olivia is with your sister-in-law, I know that Alice is here right now so I know why you're here too." Knowing Edward, he'd probably put a hidden camera in my hair or something. I was already sure he'd put a tracking device on me because his ability to find out where I was was just uncanny.

"Oh, ok then." Just as I said this, even through the glass, I could hear Alice return to her desk. There wasn't much said, but a clear '_What the- get the hell off of and away from my desk. Now' _could be heard. When I looked, Alice was stood glaring at the small collection of people as they casually strolled off in different directions. All but one, a skinny blonde woman, who seemed to be causing a fuss and Alice just wasn't having any of it.

"Put your hands up my dress," I said quickly to Edward as I rose to my feet, turning my attention away from the now small argument. He looked at me unsurely, "Edward, I just asked you to put your hands up my dress. Honestly I can't believe you're even questioning me, is that ever going to be a bad request? Do it quickly whilst everyone's distracted," I prompted, really tempted to just put them there myself.

He was totally confused. "Why-"

"Just do it." And then I had his hands up my dress, hesitant about what it was they were doing there. "And?"

"And what? What am I supposed to be doing?"

Oh fucking hell, he just clearly wasn't thinking and if people turned around and saw us standing there, Edward with his hands up my long, floaty, black maxi dress that had ridden up to my knees with his hands, well I don't imagine that would go down well with those in charge. I moved his hands to where I wanted them and waited for him to get it.

And then his eyes lit up like fireworks, exploding green sparks in the otherwise dim place his unthinking brain was. "Oh god, you're wearing lace."

I smiled, now we were getting somewhere.

"And?"

"And you were definitely _not _wearing these this morning or I would have been late for work, not early."

I giggled, rolling my eyes. "And?"

"And I'm getting hard right now."

"And?" His fingers followed the lace on both sides of the lace, around my hips, occasionally tickling my skin, his face full of concentration until he reached my ass. He gasped and dropped the dress, removing his hands from underneath and held them up in the air as if he were surrendering to something.

"And it's a thong."

I grinned darkly.

He hesitantly pulled my dress up again with a curled finger so he could peer up it, made a pathetic little whimpering noise and took a large step back from me, holding his hands up once again. "And it's navy blue. Midnight blue. _My_ blue. Isabella Swan you need to get out of my office right this second else I will not be liable for my actions. If you loved me you would leave because I really don't want to get fired."

"I have a matching bra, too," I teased as I picked up my bag. I wasn't wearing it but I thought I'd just throw it in there anyway.

"I don't want to know." He squeezed his eyes shut and opened to door for me.

"Don't I get a kiss goodbye?"

"No, you don't. Just leave. Now." His jaw was tense and unmoving, his breath hard and fast. I loved it.

"Fine. I'm going, I'm going," I laughed, slowly waltzing out of the door way. I think it was safe to say, Bella, two, Edward, two. Nice to know we were even again. Also, it was very nice to know that I'd pretty much secured myself a one-way trip to Edwardtown upon his return home. _Chugga chugga woo woo_.

So I was all smug and smiley when I sauntered over to where Alice was, still arguing with this woman. "Oh please don't be so bitter, Jane. You're the receptionist, go and sit your flat ass back down over there, not on my desk. Just because you don't have a real job other than answering phones and taking and passing messages, doesn't mean you can interrupt mine."

"You are such a bitch. No wonder you're _still_ single," the blonde huffed, staring daggers at Alice.

Alice nodded, putting her Mulberry bag on her wrist and dropping her blackberry inside. "And you're _still _not very attractive. Life's a bitch, isn't it. Oh and I'm not single anymore, I haven't been for a while, so you should probably get a new line," she retorted patronisingly. She turned and narrowed her eyes at me, not that I was paying much attention, I was watching Edward who had been staring out of the window since I left the room.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" She asked me as I stood there, completely dazed, most probably looking like I had some sort of mental condition. When I didn't respond, she looked into Edwards office and then sighed knowingly. "You showed him your underwear, didn't you." I pursed my lips but my goofy smile just couldn't be hidden. "Bella, that's so uncouth."

"Who said I did?"

We started walking towards the elevators. "That god awful smile on your face says you did. Don't go into details."

"Wasn't planning to." There was a minutes silence while we waited for the elevator. The doors opened, we stepped in and pressed the button for the lobby. "Well he liked it. A lot." Alice gave me a warning glare so I shut up… for maybe a second or two. "I could _feel_ just how much he liked it…" I giggled to myself.

"Bella, I don't want to know." She was irritated, but she was always irritated and I was so giddy now that I didn't really care so much.

"Sorry." I began to fiddle with the strap of my bag. Again, another moments silence. "He said that too, when I told him about the matching bra."

"Bella-"

"I had to make him put his hands up my dress which was funny-"

"Seriously-"

"And he said something about fucking me on his desk. And my mind hasn't really been thinking properly since. And that was before the underwear thing-"

"Bella, stop talking! My god!" The elevator doors opened and a middle-aged woman stepped in holding her bag in front of her. We all smiled through politeness and then there was silence again, but for some reason my mouth was on a roll. It just wouldn't stop. I just kept going.

"I'm sorry but I haven't had sex in nearly three weeks, Alice. _Three weeks_!" I whispered. "Now you might be able to cope with that but I'm pregnant and my hormones have seriously gone awol. I'm horny at the best of times. I feel like a dog in heat or something, so I'm getting just a _little_ excited at the prospect of _finally_ getting some. Is that so hard to understand?"

Alice opened her mouth to say something but the woman standing in front butt in. "Oh god, I understand, I was the same when I was pregnant with my kids. It's ridiculous." Apparently I am incapable of whispering.

"Thank you!" I laughed, looking at Alice but gesturing toward the lady. We'd reached the lobby so as the doors opened the woman turned round to me and smiled.

"Don't worry, it got better for me. But congratulations and good luck with tonight." She winked before exiting the elevator.

"See, so just let me be."

Alice just stared at me, clearly unimpressed. "You piss me off," she grumbled as she walked ahead, leaving me giggling behind her.

I probably would have slowly followed behind her but the elevator doors shut on me and wouldn't open again. So I had to go all the way back up this twenty floor building, just to come back down again. By the time I'd got back down Alice wanted to gauge my eyes out and I'd totally lost my cool as I exited meekly, walking straight past her mumbling, "Don't you dare say anything."

-x-x-x-x-x-

**Bella:**

_I love you xxxxx_

**Edward: **

_Why? E x_

**Bella: **

_I don't have a clue. P.s I know it's u, u don't have to put 'E' after every txt. xxxxx_

**Edward: **

_I don't know why either. Strange woman. Just look what these hormones do to you. E x_

**Bella:**

_I know…what am I doing :( xxxxx_

**Edward:**

_What are you doing? E x_

**Bella:**

_I am sitting in your bed xxxxx_

**Edward:**

_Without me? In your new underwear? E x_

**Bella:**

_Yep. But you keep on working hard… :P xxxx_

**Edward:**

_How rude. E x_

**Edward:**

_Also, I still have an erection. So thanks for that. E x_

**Bella:**

_You're welcome. See, you do still like me ;) xxxxx_

**Edward:**

_No, I don't. I have another meeting in five minutes… E x_

**Edward:**

_I really don't like you._

**Bella:**

_:(_

**Bella:**

_Not even a kiss to soften the blow…ouch :(_

**Bella:**

_At least u stopped with the 'E' x_

**Bella:**

_Jst ignore me…it's fine…really… xxxxx_

**Edward:**

_I love you, so much more than I should X_

**Edward:**

_P.s. _

_E x (Like ecstasy but better) _

_;)_

**Bella:**

_We should probably break up. Ur too weird for me xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_

**Edward:**

_That's not funny. P.s You're in my bed doing what? I hope you haven't replaced me with a toy… E x_

**Edward:**

…_You haven't have you? E x_

**Edward:**

_Bella… don't ignore me!_

**Edward:**

_ISABELLA? If you have I'm coming home right now. I'm serious._

**Edward:**

_*Angry face!*_

-x-x-x-x-x-

I'd fallen asleep again without meaning to. I'd meant to be 'resting my eyes' except I've never really got the hang of doing that, I just sleep. For hours. So I was really pissed when I woke up with my phone in my hand, five unread texts from Edward and dribble on my pillow. Gross.

Shopping with Alice got really tiring, really quickly. She was efficient and careful with her purchases – or my purchases – whereas I just bought whatever. I don't know when the hell she became so knowledgeable on baby buying but it certainly was useful. I just got bored and I know I shouldn't have, but my mind was in other places. Distracted by the most inane thoughts mainly revolving around a naked Edward. I had thoughts of Edward, naked, painting; Edward, naked, cooking; Edward, naked, ironing. It seemed that Edward doing any household chore pretty much did it for me.

Actually, I think the thought of Edward, naked and doing just about _anything_ did it for me.

I rolled over onto my back and put my arm across my forehead as I continued to try different combinations of Edward, naked and whatever, when I heard a faint tinkling sound. It was a sound I'd heard before but not in this house. And although it was unfamiliar for me to hear from the walls of this Upper East Side townhouse, and it was from afar, I knew what it was straight away.

Piano.

Edward's home.

I've never really been one to follow noises, things that go bump in the night. As far as I was concerned, countless horror films had told me to just stay away. Those who wanted to die followed the sounds. I didn't want to die. I knew what was going to kill me and it had yet to come. And anyway, I knew it had to be Edward, there was only one piano in the house that I knew of, and it was his. From the way he'd briefly talked about it, it was _only_ his. Not a shared instrument. A secret haven for him and his thoughts maybe.

I wanted in on that haven but at the same time I didn't want to intrude, so I snuck down to the drawing room, the now beautiful music getting louder as I drew closer. My bare feet padding on the floor came to a halt as I peered around the doorframe into the foreign room.

Edward was there, lost in himself, in the black and white keys of the grand piano. I was taken back, not only from the beauty of the man I loved in a totally new light, but the epic skill of his fingers. He could play. He could _really _fucking play. None of this, '_oh well I sorta used to play a little bit so I'm kinda alright, I guess' _shit. I was no piano expert but this was definitely playing-to-large-worldwide-audiences standard.

And I was not lying when I told him I was a sucker for musicians. There was no doubt in heaven or hell that this man had my heart and he could do with it as he wished. I could feel my heart strings contract and pull at me from within my chest. He was taking swooning to a whole new level.

Then I coughed.

Edwards hands came to an immediate stop, mid chord, hovering just about the keys. I kicked myself for disturbing him mid-flow.

"Ah shit," I murmured to myself as I cleared my throat, watching Edward slowly turn round to face me. "I wasn't trying to get your attention or anything. I'm sorry. Um, please, keep playing."

The way he looked back at me clearly stated he had no idea I was standing there. He looked as if he was unsure of whether or not he should carry on or just stop. He'd said he wasn't 'big on audiences' and now he had one. But it was only me.

"Really, Edward, I didn't mean to interrupt you. _Please_ keep going. Pretend I'm not here."

"I'll probably play better knowing you are," he sighed, quietly turning back to resume his position. Only he didn't continue to play the song I had accidentally interrupted. He moved his hands further up and began to play something softer, more melodic, a little happier, slowly increasing in tempo only to decrease again.

It was like he was playing a dream, there were times it was soft and others where it got a little harsher but then returned to its somewhat languid pace. I found myself being physically drawn to it, my feet moved on their own accord and before I knew it, I was standing just to one side of him. He shook his head and smiled, moving to the right hand side of the stool he sat on so there was space for me, his fingers not once moving from the keys.

Even when I was staring at his hands, watching them move up and down, his fingers moving at such a rapid pace, I could feel his jade eyes burning into me. I wondered how the hell he could look at me and still manage to play something that was seeming quite complex to me, so effortlessly. His hands moved almost like liquid, so flawless, dainty, easy.

As the music came to an end, I put my head on his shoulder and just stared at the keys. Eighty eight of them, I counted.

"What are you thinking?" he asked me after a while, his hand coming to rest on my thigh.

"I'm trying to remember when I fell in love with you," I said, letting my fingers tickle his wrist until they made their way to his fingers and clasped our hands together. "I don't know though. There wasn't a point, it just sort of happened. But I wish there was a particular point where I can look back and say, 'Yeah, right there, that's when I fell in love with him', but there isn't." I shook my head, tilting it back a bit so I could see his face and smile.

"You play beautifully, Edward." He really did, but I could tell no-one told him this often. He just didn't seem to know what to do with the compliment. In the end he just gave me back a shy smile and snorted. "Seriously."

"I'm nothing great," he murmured and I pulled back from him wide-eyed because fuck me if he was going to pull the 'I'm not that great' card.

"Dude, are you kidding me? My mind is blown right now, you're amazing, and I'm not just saying that because you're you and I'm me. I don't know what you were playing but it was beyond great."

"You're completely bias though," he shrugged.

"Why am I?"

"Because you love me. I could have been playing Chopsticks and you would have thought it was some great, complex composition," he snorted. That was probably true, I don't even know what Chopsticks is…

"Maybe, but I don't think so. I don't really get any bias towards things. You do, I don't as much."

He looked at me and scoffed. "Yes, you are biased, Bella. What am I biased about? I want an example of when I have been."

"Well," I started, looking up at the ceiling as I tried to think of an example. But it was one of those moments where I thought so hard I came up blank. "Um, well…" Edward looked at me smugly but then I thought of something. "Ok, well, you're biased _against_ yourself. All the time. I can't think of an example but… oh, just now. I'm telling you you're great, whether or not I'm biased, and you automatically think the opposite. You should just see the good in yourself."

"You hardly ever see the good in yourself while I'm constantly in awe of you. Even when I tell you. You're biased against yourself too."

"That's because there isn't much good about me. I am so average."

"You're really not, but at least now we know we're in a similar mindset about ourselves," he muttered, rolling his eyes. "We'll just agree to disagree. We're both biased toward each other and against ourselves."

"That's so sad," I laughed as I put my head back on his shoulder. And then I had an idea and I almost pissed myself and squealed with glee when I thought it up. I looked at Edward, "Ok, I'm going to be biased toward myself. Well, I'm going to find the good in myself anyway, the things I like."

"You're beautiful and amazing, that's two things." I rolled my eyes as he smiled and placed a kiss on the top of my head. "Stop with the eye rolls, you're supposed to be agreeing with me."

"Fine, but don't make me say it because I don't believe it but…" Oh my inner Bella had awoken and was raving around. She knew what was coming, every ounce of my body knew what I was going to do and I tingled everywhere. For a moment I thought, do I really want to do this. And then I looked at Edward and my decision was made.

I stood up, kissed his hand before letting mine slip through and took a step back from where we were sat. He watched me curiously while I just grinned back at him while I began fiddling with the buttons on the back of my dress. When they were all undone I stopped, held my breath and told myself to stop being such a pussy.

And then I let it drop to the floor.

And then there was silence.

I tried to pretend I was some sort of sex kitten who dropped her dresses all the time when wearing nothing but a navy, lace thong underneath. Honestly it was some sort of feat on my part that my whole body hadn't turned a shade of red or something, I was half expecting my boobs to start leaking sometime soon. Squirting colostrum in Edwards eye. Sexy…

"So, um, I'm being biased towards myself, right? More complimentary…" I said hesitantly as I looked down at myself and then cupped myself, stepping out from my discarded dress. "My boobs are pretty big, I quite like them. And my ass is alright." I looked behind myself. My ass was looking good, as were my boobs. Hey, I quite liked this self complimenting thing. "My hair's looking really thick and shiny, I think that's nice. These are awesome." I pinged the lace thong I had on and then put my hands under my belly, cradling my bump but also making an effort to create incredible cleavage with my boobs by use of my upper arms.

"But I love this the most,"I sighed_. I do, I do_, my inner me managed to calm down enough to wrap her arms around herself and giggle. Why the hell wasn't my inner me pregnant? That's just not fair. "Oh and I'm a nice person. Just generally. I think." I looked up at Edward and smiled.

He was sat with one leg over the other, leaning back to rest on the piano with his arm crossed over his chest and a hand placed pensively over his mouth. I raised my eyebrow expectantly and waited. I felt like I was being sized up, as if he was deciding whether or not he agreed with my avowals.

"You're actually a pretty mean person sometimes, and it's debateable as to whether or not that bump of yours is your best feature. I'm liking your tits actually, rather a lot." _Well, at least we agree on something._ When he got up from the stool, he sauntered over to where I was stood and circled me, like a lion with its prey. And I was stood there, like some vulnerable little lamb, waiting to be pounced on. I looked cute though.

"Do something," I breathed out desperately. My heart was beginning to beat so hard I swear I could feel it in my throat. Still, he moved around before he stopped behind me. I smiled, keen for something to happen. It was exciting, I could feel my adrenaline begin to build and between my legs begin to dampen…

"What do you want me to do?" he purred into my ear as he embraced me, his hands resting nicely on their usual spot- my stomach. Good to see everyone was beginning to use my belly as a table already. Cough. Walking furniture, that's what they class me as nowadays.

"We have about an hour. Please, just do _something_." I was pleading. I was in some serious need, and although I had previously been distracted by his piano skills, my sexual frustration that had been lingering in the background of my thoughts – it never went away - hit me like a train on a track.

Full blast.

Boom.

Smack in my face.

Total wipe-out.

Am I an addict or just so fucking horny?

Does it really matter?

Can I have sex now?

An hour and a bit and then we had to get Olivia and then go to the clinic. Forty five minutes and then the only other free time we could have like this, with _no-one_ in the house, neither of us at work or busy doing something else, would be in another three days. I knew I couldn't make it that long.

It was now or I was fucking myself. And I really nearly already did the other morning.

He spun me round to face him, dragging his eyes from my feet to my face, licking his lips. "What do you want to do?"

_I want to make love. No, I want to have sex. No, I want to fuck._

We stood staring at each other; I knew he could hear my breath coming hard and fast because so could I. I knew he could see the desire, the want, the need in my eyes because I could see it reflected right back at me through his. And just his face was too much to look at for long periods of time. His face was porn for my eyes. Unadulterated, uncensored, XXX porn.

I don't know who initiated what happened next, it just sort of… happened. As most things did with us. We were assaulting each other with hands and lips and tongues. Passion was everywhere. It was oozing out of every fibre of my body as I nibbled on his lip, my hands lumbering as I tried to unbutton his shirt.

It wouldn't come off and it was killing me. So I ripped it, right down the middle making most of the buttons fall off and clatter on the floor, soon followed by the shredded piece of material.

"I loved that shirt," Edward groaned between brief kisses and the odd bite.

"Shut up," I said breathlessly as our lips met again and my hands moved to his belt which in the end he had to remove because leather is hard to rip. All the while our hands roamed and our mouths attacked one another with hungry kisses and I pushed on his chest until we ended up basically naked in foyer.

Neither of us looked up but seemed to just know where we were. "Kitchen, bathroom, living room, drawing room and whatever other ones." Everything was so rushed, even as we spoke it was with clear eagerness. The floor was fine for me. "Or the stairs."

"Which is closest?" I had my hand on Edwards dick by now, rubbing along his hard shaft. "Jesus," he gasped biting down hard on my neck. I didn't really care anymore, time was ticking and I needed to quench my thirst.

The stairs won.

And I kind of nearly hated the fact they were marble stairs enough to suggest we move, but then I thought, fuck that. Needs before comfort.

"I never got to admire these properly," Edward said with a sad face as he pulled my lace thong down my legs, looking at it briefly before throwing them somewhere.

"Another time," I laughed, holding his face with one hand as I took my position straddling him, using my other hand as some sort of guide for his dick. "With the matching bra."

"With the matching bra," he repeated, putting a hand to my breast and squeezing just as he entered me, eliciting a long moan from me.

I nearly cried. I had tears build and everything. There was a 'welcome home' party going on in my vagina. My mind was at a loss as I lifted myself up and down on top of Edward. The only thing that was beginning to really irritate me was my stomach. There was a bigger gap between myself and Edward. I had to lean back more, and if his legs weren't there to alleviate my discomfort as something to hold on to, I probably would have fallen down the stairs.

And he was slanting upwards and my thighs were hurting, and my knees; it was just all wrong.

"Fuck," I gasped because as uncomfortable as it was, it was so fucking good. "Edward, I can't do this," I panted.

"My back is… killing me," he grunted, letting his thrusts slow before stopping. I bit my lip and ran a hand through my hair as I thought, arching my back and sighing.

"Um, your bedroom?" I queried looking up to the top of the stairs. I knew once his dick was out there'd be only so much time for it to return before I imploded. Decisions needed to be made quickly.

"I'll carry you," he said.

"No, you won't. I'll walk."

He pulled me closer to his body, wrapping his arms around as tightly as he dared. "You walking would mean I would have to pull out. I don't want to do that." I smiled and ground my hips into him as best I could from this position, letting him whimper into my skin on my shoulder each time I did. "Bella," he whined and I giggled a little.

"You can try, but I don't know if you can actually lift me. I don't weigh myself anymore so I don't know what's going on."

Impressively, we made it up the majority of stairs, Edward still buried within me and me clinging on for dear life. Albeit awkward and I still had to walk in the end anyway, it was satisfying to know we both didn't want to let go of each other, even for a short amount of time. It wasn't just me hanging on to anything I could.

I thought I'd remind Edward of that when he complained about me being bossy. _Bossy_. I wasn't being bossy at all I just wanted to get things done. "Excuse _me_, but you want this as much as I do," I laughed, falling backward onto the bed, scooting back a bit before pulling my knees up.

"You don't know that." His smile was pure evil as he came prowling towards me. I squeezed my thighs together as I waited for him to reach me. I wasn't really appreciating his slowness. If he hadn't have already guessed, the whole, slow and steady 'I love you' sex was out of the window.

I needed fucking. Seriously. Not wanting to sound vulgar or anything but it was true.

"You were humping my leg, man." He shrugged and then pulled my hips closer to the edge where he was stood, prising my legs open again and then leant down and kissed me hard on my mouth, his hands gently caressing my breasts as he did. I squirmed and moaned quietly.

I wanted to eat him. That is how much I desired him that moment, I would have happily eaten him alive, licking every ounce of his body. His face, neck, chest, peen, legs, feet. And then his arms and then, my new obsession, his back.

Holy fucking moley his back was hot. I mean he was just amazing all over but his back was something that had only caught my attention recently. And with all the supposed working out - which I had previously dismissed as Edward taking the piss but was now starting to believe – his back had all this muscle and tonnage I'd not seen before, but I wanted to see more often. His arms were pretty lickable. To be quite frank, Meg needed to be dishing up roast Edward in cranberry sauce some time soon. Yum.

And now I was thinking about food and actually being quite hungry. What the fuck.

"You liked it," Edward snorted, positioning himself as I turned the metaphorical sign for my legs from closed to open. _Bella is open for business, come one and all. Literally._

"I did," I sighed as I braced myself, flattening my hands out on the bed. And if baby E was sleeping at the time, then he must have been rather rudely awoken because Edward pretty much slammed into me. I was taken aback by it all and was left completely noiseless as he then continued to pound into me. He was like a rabbit, specifically the rabbit in Bambi came to mind. _Thumper_.

Yeah, that was the perfect name.

I had one hand gripping the bed sheets and the other placed over Edwards hand as he put his weight onto the bed, his hips still moving at some stupid speed. And then all too soon and sudden, I felt myself crack. And thank god there was no-one in the house because when I did reach breaking point, I was loud and screechy and I didn't even realise I'd made such a sound until it was over.

It was quite amazing how religious I became in the midst of passion, 'Oh my _God_' was a personal favourite of mine, frequently used and closely followed by 'Jesus Christ'. These then tended to be followed by a usually unintelligible string of expletives, and now was no exception.

"Oh fuck…shit… fuck… Edward…" I gasped, wrapping my legs around his back to bring him closer, hold him to me, I'm not entirely sure what I was doing.

"God, baby," he groaned, putting a hand on my stomach to steady himself. It made me laugh to myself when he put his hand on my swelling because I imagined LM, who usually slept through the day and not so much at night, to be in a washing machine. Going from perfect calm to being sloshed around listening to the weirdest noises and just generally thinking _what the fuck is going on out there?_ Either that or he was having a crazy time being in the closest thing he was going to get to a rollercoaster in there.

It was a side thought; I'd trained half my brain to think intelligibly during sex seeing as the half that actually controlled most things was basically a pile of shit by now. When I switched over I couldn't think. The only thing I thought on that side of the brain was 'fuck' and 'Edward'.

I almost forgot how good Edward was. How he just went at it like a machine without instruction, I didn't have to say anything he just knew, and he'd move us slightly or do whatever he needed to do in order to fulfil whatever need. I'd never had sex with anyone like that before. It was like he could read my breathing patterns maybe, or just my body as a whole.

I loved it, I loved him. Oh how I loved him. I loved him so fucking much I just didn't think he understood properly. He couldn't possibly understand because I couldn't understand it. I honestly felt like I could just hand myself over to this man for the rest of eternity and be perfectly content about it.

But then he'd been in love before and this was all new to me. I had to wonder whether the love he had for me was on a similar level to Tanya. Was that how he knew he loved me? Was I the only one going through all these extremes where when we were apart all I could think of was him, what was he doing, when could I see him again, probably counting the minutes like a love-sick fool while he looked over and thought '_Psh, newbie'_?

To be fair I was a newbie. Love was completely alien to me, I was still getting to grips with it and then it sprung all these other things at me. There wasn't just 'love', it wasn't simply one emotion, it had so many fucking subcategories and I'd only ventured into about three or four so far. Some of them I was simply too scared to even go near because I loved Edward and that was enough for me for now.

I didn't want to love Edward so much I felt the need to leave him. I wasn't into that 'if you love someone you'll let them go'. No, are you fucking kidding me? I don't think I could let him go. I was seriously thinking I couldn't ever let him go. Out of my whole life plan list, the only things I knew were semi-certain were LM/Little E/Ethan, Olivia, Hammy to a certain extent, Emmett and Rose, and Edward.

There was Alice and Jasper too, I actually was making friends so that was good. But ultimately they were my life-line. Alice and Jasper branched off from Edward, as did Olivia, so if he was removed from my life for whatever reason, I honestly don't know what I'll do.

I'd probably die.

I was getting too deep. Thinking too much while having sex was annoying so I switched over to the other side of my brain.

_Much better_

Sex when pregnant was fucking awesome so far, not to mention the fact it had been three weeks. I came so quickly and when I did, it wasn't just like '_oh, that was quite nice_', it was like _'fuckfuckfuckfuck my vagina has literally just fucking exploded from the inside out. Holy fucking crapping Jesus Christ on a bicycle'_.

The only downside was I got uncomfortable quickly and was frequently on top, then underneath, then to the side and then _finally_ the only position I could do without getting cramp or backache or whatever else, was doggy style. A position I had never really done much and I had to wonder why. This was pretty much the position for me. It felt the best, it was the easiest and there were different variants of it. It ticked all my boxes.

Only down side was instead of having Edwards face near mine, I had the bed sheets.

_Face down, ass up, that's the way I like to fuck._

By now my original need to just fuck something had been nearly obliterated. We'd slowed into love making. Edward rubbed his thumbs in circles as he gripped my hips and gently thrust in and out of me. So slowly. My heart was in my throat as I gasped and held to the sheets like I needed them for life, rocking myself backwards ever so slightly as he hips came forward.

I put one of my arms back onto his leg as he grunted and I knew he was reaching his end. If I could move my face from being squished into the mattress I was sure his would be scrunched up in a mix of concentration and what sometimes looked like pain.

"Bella, love, I'm-"

"I know," I breathed out. He always seemed to feel the need to tell me when he was cumming, I don't really know why, maybe it was so I could prepare or something. I was thankful he told me instead of starting a countdown and then make rocket take-off noises. Mike did that sometimes. I used to think it was funny, in retrospect, it was just fucking weird.

Edward was just being considerate I guess. In giving me forewarning, I suppose he was actually saying _'Ok, I'm done. If you want to get off now, you're going to have to do it yourself'_. But I was pretty much done. As soon as he came, digging his finger tips and moaning my name, he loosened his grip on my waist and then removed his hands completely.

I must have looked like a pregnant version on Bambi because my legs seemed to cave in on each other as I slumped down, my butt still in the air.

"Does that count as your 'I love you' sex?" he asked as he collapsed down on the bed beside me.

I turned my head so I could look at him, his hair all ruffled up and crazy. So freaking sexy. "Well, I love you and that was sex, so I guess so."

He laughed and rolled onto his back running his hands through his hair. "I love you, Isabella." He turned his face back to me and smiled warmly, the kind of smile that made my tummy flutter.

"I love you," I whispered as I put a hand to his face. _Like you don't even know._

**I know some people wanted to read the discussion between Charlie, but to be honest, I cba to write it in this… so I might do it separately at some point in time maybe. Or I might just put it in here, I don't know.**

**Egypt is hot but I'm going home today. Apparently there has been snow and rain in England. I can't wait. Cough. And I've been bitten so much by bugs, not cool.**

**Anyway, I've just been sat watching fashion TV and now hate my legs (haha) so I'm going to sit here and think what the hell I'm going to write in the next chapter. Don't forget to leave a comment on your thoughts, this chapter was kinda fun and kinda weird in my opinion ha.**

**Ciao! XOXO**


	30. Counterpoint

**~*Deep breathing*~**

**I'm back, bitches.**

**Song: Counterpoint - Delphic**

**BPOV**

"I'm not awake," I grumbled, pulling the bed covers further up over my head.

"Except you are."

"Except I'm not. And even if I am, I'm not moving from this bed. Not at all. Not today. Maybe for a piss but that's it. Oh and food. So if you're going to try… no, just don't try. I'm ill." I squeezed the giant boomerang shaped pillow I had between my legs and up under my head. It was like a constant big hug. I didn't even need Edward in the night any more.

I loved the pillow so much I'd briefly considered marrying it. Edward was great, but I could actually get comfortable and sleep once LM stopped partying with this thing. I'd come to realise I had a vampire child within my womb; up all night and dead to the world during the day. Sometimes I had to poke him just to make sure he wasn't literally dead to the world, but he always kicked me back in what I imagined was a _'Fuck off will you. Trying to nurse this beautiful hangover of mine. Jesus, can't a guy get any quiet around here?_' kick and my mind was at once put to rest.

"Why would I want to move you?" Edward asked. "I like you in my bed. _Our _bed." He nudged me and I rolled a little under the covers, moving into the most uncomfortable position of my life. I inwardly, and probably outwardly, groaned before releasing the pillow, rolling onto my back. My comfort was ruined forever. Thank you, Edward, really, thanks.

"Why can't you just leave me here to die?" I complained, running a hand through my tangled hair and staring at the white sheet over my face. I wasn't talking to Edward, I was talking to this sheet. This very nice Egyptian cotton sheet.

"Because," he said and I imagined he shrugged his shoulders.

"Because?"

"Because you've got to go to work, I've got to go to work." I made a pathetic whining sound and pulled a pillow over to my face.

"I don't want to..." I groaned into it.

Edward sighed. "YoYou're on maternity leave from next week anyway."

"Edward, what would you do if I died?" I asked.

"Bella, why would you die?"

"I don't know, anything can happen." The covers were suddenly removed from over my body creating a small gust. I took the pillow from my face and looked up in annoyance to see Edward standing there, glaring at me.

"You are not going to die. You're hardly going to die, you were at the clinic yesterday and everything is fine. All you're doing is working for a few hours."

"I don't know, Edward. What if a psychopath came in with a knife, cut off my boobs and I bled to death? What if I never make it to work, I could get hit by a cab crossing the road. I might get caught up in gun fire. You just don't know." I pulled the covers back over my head with a quick yank.

I could hear Edward exhale exasperatedly and move from the bedside. "I don't get you," he muttered to himself, not that he had any right to be pissed off with me, had he seen the size of me recently?

"I'm just saying," I sighed.

"Get out of the bed, Bella."

"Ed-ward," I groaned clearly annoyed, kicking my legs a little to emphasise my frustration. Yeah, I thought I'd go all out on the whole acting like a stroppy teenager thing.

"I'll do something special for you later," he snorted. "Just get up."

I whipped the covers back to see him standing by the large mirror, sorting his tie out, and narrowed my eyes. "Something special, really? Like what? Why?"

"Because I love you? And I need you to get out of the bed." He was smiling at me through the reflection of the mirror, watching with amusement as I grumbled again and then sat up and sighed. Putting a hand to my chest I frowned. Apart from the fact I could hear an annoying clicky sound when I breathed in and then a little wheeze breathing back out, I was now curious as to what special thing he could come up with.

"Well you couldn't buy me anything… You got me more than enough for my birthday, and you'd already got me the best present in the entire universe anyway. What more "special" things do I need?"

My birthday had gone beautifully. I'd feared the worst, a party maybe, a ton of presents, people I barely knew making a fuss over me, but what I got was a million times better. Edward, all day with no interruptions. Apart from dinner.

He turned back to look at me and smiled. "Well the best present is a Christmas present."

My due date was supposed to be Christmas day so if we were considering LM as a "gift", then he was right. I love Christmas, who the fuck wants to be in labour on Christmas? I want to be lying in front of a fire with a ridiculous Rudolph jumper on, pretending to be drunk on eggnog when I'm actually sipping orange juice.

Pain free. Problem free.

_Not dying…_

My smile in return was feeble but I guess he didn't notice. "I was talking about this maternity pillow actually." He laughed. I was seriously talking about the pillow.

Although looking down at my belly I had to smile again, more earnestly this time, because he had managed to attain the best present ever already. He was giving me a sneak preview of it now. It wasn't just this baby he was "giving" me, it was everything. And on a daily basis I wondered, what on earth was it that I gave in return?

"Where are you going? I thought you weren't supposed to be working today," I enquired lying back down with one leg over the covers.

"Uh…" He was wandering aimlessly around the room looking irritated and confused, flitting in and out of his "closet" which was the closest to Narnia I had ever been. It was like another fucking world. "They called me about twenty minutes ago, apparently I have to be in a meeting. Important people. Um, do you know where my suit jacket is? I always keep them together with their pants but I don't know where it is…"

"Is it, um, oh I can't remember…" I frowned, putting a hand to my head and taking my other leg from under the covers. Neither of which actually helped me to remember.

"Tonello?" he offered.

"Yeah! It fell down, I picked it up last night and put it somewhere…"

"This is really helpful, Bella," Edward laughed sarcastically, turning back into his foreboding room of doom. Too many clothes for one man. For a woman, it's fine, it is a wonderful thing sometimes to have so much choice. A man doesn't need choice, he needs jeans, a t-shirt and maybe a pair of chucks.

Actually Edward needs choice. Choice for him means choice for me; gives me different outfits to fantasize about while at work. _Ahhh_.

But since his brain hadn't become a sieve as of late like mine had, he should have really just shut-the-fuck-up.

"Shut up. If I wanna forget something then I can. I'm like a rhino, ok, don't wind me up. I'm big and I get pissy quickly."

"A rhino? That's a new one. Not long left though," he mused from the depth of his 'closet'. I assumed he was talking about my pregnancy coming to an end. Thirty two weeks, third trimester, I had just eight weeks left. Where had the time gone? We'd already reached Halloween. There wasn't another trimester after this, there was just baby.

"I'm running out of large mammals to compare myself to," I said back, pushing the slightly nervous thoughts that had risen just from those few words to the back of my mind.

Edward reappeared, all suited up and gorgeous, slowly meandering over to the bed where he stood tilting his head at me as I pouted. "Why can't we just stay in this bed?"

"I'm sorry, beautiful, I have to go in. It's not like I'd avoid spending time with you. You have work anyway, so surely it won't make much difference."

"Well I've just decided I'm not going to work. I don't feel like it. I'm ill. So it will make all the difference."

He frowned. "You can't just miss work because you don't feel like going. Working will distract you from your woes anyway. You should go, it's Halloween. And you like candy as well so it's a win-win."

"_Woes_," I snorted. "You sound like you want me to go to work."

"I do."

"Well I don't know why, I don't want to work today. I need rest so I can face tonight, I'm going to be waddling around for hours. And I already said I'm ill."

Edward and I had become quite the popular couple, which was funny seeing as I had never really been to an event with him so I remained unknown to all of those who knew Edward. Still, Halloween party invitations had been flooding in for us both, as a _couple_. I was a myth to so many people, I never went to Edward's company meals, parties and so on. Most of the time I couldn't attend just by coincidence so Edward would either go alone or not at all. I wondered whether we had received so many invitations by people Edward claimed to either find irritating, phoney or didn't even know, just so I could be seen and judged.

Apparently Dr and Mrs Cullen were quite the power couple in this end of town and Chicago, despite residing in Forks, and, being their son, everyone seemed to be expecting so much from Edward - he'd already had a divorce and a pregnant one-night stand before the age of thirty. At least Tanya was in the "correct" social circle, I was a nobody. He never really talked about it, nor did he seem to care, but I must have caused such a blow to his pretty much squeaky clean rep.

Still, people liked to talk and I was yet to be seen, or rather 'established', properly. Other than Bea and a few of her groupies, all of whom I'd inadvertently become friends with, I remained practically unknown. It definitely wasn't something I was complaining about and in the end, Edward and I turned down all invitations for a fancy-dress party at my brothers house.

He sighed and looked at me like I was a child in need of a little chastising. "You're not ill at all though, are you?"

"I genuinely am! Kind of…" I sat up, eyes wide in my defence with a hand to my chest. Edward looked dubious. _Fuck you, Edward_. I shrugged. "If you want to get a stethoscope and listen to me breathing right now, you might think differently."

There was a pause where we both glared at each other before Edward said, "Seriously?" I took an exaggerated breath in and then exhaled, not that he could hear the click and wheeze. It actually hurt a little that time. He just frowned. With the strange look of both doubt and concern he was giving me, I honestly expected him to whip out a stethoscope and give me an examination. Instead he caught my ankles and pulled me down to the end of the bed where he stood.

I shrieked a little as I moved from the top of the large bed to the bottom in one swift movement. Edward regarded me carefully as I stared back at him expectantly. One moment I was staring at him, the next I had him basically on top of me, or at least as close as my belly would allow, with an ear to my chest. My immediate reaction to which was laughing.

"Bella," he said sternly. "Could you stop laughing and just breathe normally so I can listen to it, please."

I could feel my chest constrict even more when I was laughing but I did as he said, still with a grin. "Sorry," I said, having been reprimanded. Sighing, I murmured "This is stupid," before inhaling deeply.

Strands of Edward's bronzed hair were tickling my chin making me smile. _Click_. I bit my lip as I looked down at him on my chest and exhaled. _Wheeze_.

I repeated the process. Inhale; god he smelt so fucking good. And warm, his body was so warm against my scantily clad frame_._ Maybe I should have gone to bed in more than just a tank top and knickers. But I got hot, sue me._ Click._ Exhale; his hair bristled a little with my breath, always resuming its original organised yet messy state. _Wheeze._

"Can I stop now?" I asked shyly, putting a hand in his hair because I'd been wanting to do that ever since he'd put his head there.

"Stop breathing? No, never." He sighed and his cool breath skid over my skin leaving goosebumps behind. "You can't ever stop breathing. I won't let you," he mumbled quietly before pushing up from the bed so he loomed over me. He was still frowning. I think it was his favourite facial expression. "How long have you had that for?"

"A while. Why are you always so frowny? Maybe you should cheer up a bit." I smiled but he was in seriously serious Edward mode so I bit my lip and thought about it. "Um, I normally get it in the mornings, sometimes at night. Occasionally after any extreme, uh, _physical exertion_. Sometimes I have to take a second to catch my breath properly, sometimes it hurts, like when I was just breathing deeply, that hurt. Normally it doesn't. That's all."

"And you're only telling me about this now? You didn't think to bring this up with the doctor yesterday?" He shook his head, looking down at the bed sheets. I stared up at him for a long time before reaching a hand to his face and speaking.

"I forgot…" He didn't say anything. "Maybe my body is just trying to scare you because it's Halloween," I snorted but his face remained cold. I frowned. "Are you mad at me? I promise I'm not dying. It's probably just, like, well I don't know. Pretty sure breathlessness is part of pregnancy anyway."

"Wheezing isn't."

"I'm getting a cold? Edward, I feel fine. If it carries on any longer I'll see the doctor, ok?" I pursed my lips as he continued to look at the sheets. "Edward?" Still nothing. I sat up and pressed my lips to the corner of his mouth, then put my forehead to his cheek. "Ok?"

"Make sure you tell the doctor about this on Monday." _Jesus, fine, whatever_. "You make me so anxious, Isabella," he sighed eventually turning his head towards me. "Anxious and late. What time is it?"

"You're always anxious about something. You're a complete freak." I smiled and turned the watch on his wrist so I could read the time. "Nearly nine. What special thing do I get, by the way?"

"Hm, nearly nine o'clock…" He kissed me softly, slowly, lovingly, distracting me completely from the question I'd asked. I began sliding back underneath him, bringing him down with me. "And I have to go to work." He kissed me on my neck. I parted my mouth breathed out, wheeze-free. He kissed me again, this time on my chest where his head had previously been, before kissing the swelling of each of my breasts, both peeking above the neckline of my tank top. Like two giant gumdrops, jiggly when touched.

Heavy as shit _and_ sore, but that's beside the point.

"I don't have to be in until nine thirty." He was working his way down kissing our baby who currently lay dormant within my womb, over the curvature of my belly until he reached my boxer-briefs. I wanted to squeeze my legs together but he held my thighs, pulling me closer to him. I reached up and grabbed two pillows, propping them up underneath my head as I couldn't bear lying flat on my back any longer. It just felt so fucking uncomfortable.

He stopped then, giving me a look of uncertainty. Just before he said anything I opened my mouth and blurted, "It's fine. Um. Yeah, you can, you know, carry on. I asked the doctor about sex and stuff yesterday and, yeah, we're, uh, still all good to go. It's later really that, uh, yeah. Mhm." He smiled, huffed and sat back on his heels.

"I'm leaving at nine fifteen. I've got ten minutes." He looked from his wrist to my already flushed face and back to his wrist. "Hmm," he hummed as he began slipping his suit jacket off, carefully folding it in two and placing it on the bed, and rolling up his shirt sleeves. "Can I make Isabella Swan climax in ten minutes?"

_Oh fucking god. _

"Uh-huh," I whimpered because just like that and I'm needy and horny and huge and the thought of having Edward's face, hands, any body part between my legs was thrilling. And wet, so very wet.

"And I do need breakfast," he mused darkly.

Scratch wet, wet is an understatement. Sopping. Sopping sounds good. It really sounds like being heavy with wetness which I'd say accurately describes my underwear right about now. Good word.

Shit, when did I become so easy? _'Can I make Isabella Swan climax in ten minutes?'_ well no, you can probably do it in five. If that.

Such a horny bitch. Seriously need to sort that out. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

I felt myself involuntarily begin to buck my hips up to him, hinting at him to fucking eat me already because I wanted him now and he couldn't just tease me like that. Especially not when I was like this. So I told him, in this gaspy half-moan-half-whine voice, also trying to seem a little sultry and sexy at the same time but actually sounding like a small dog.

"I hope this isn't you just trying to distract me," he laughed. I whimpered. "If you don't get out of this bed when I'm done, I will drag you out," he whispered against my lips before tugging on the bottom lip with his teeth and eventually devouring my mouth with his, resuming his position and slowly removing my panties which were just an embarrassment to my dignity.

I could see the mini me, who liked to pop-up in my head every now and then, shaking her head in disgust.

I continued to block her out because at this point I decided I like this kind of "present" and if there were any more of these presents being handed out then halle-fucking-lujah.

"You have to be quiet. Olivia is still in the house and too curious for her own good." _Loud noises draw in small children. Ok, I got that._ "And I'm timing you." He looked at his watch, grinned and then his mouth and fingers were on me, _there,_ and I was as good as gone, two seconds in.

-x-x-x-x-x-

"Four minutes, thirteen seconds," he snorted looking so fucking smug with himself. "Now get up, get dressed and go to work. You seem fine to me, just being dramatic." I would have kicked him if I had any control of my legs. I would have kicked him right in the balls and see him try to laugh that one off. The cheeky fucker.

I was many things but drama queen I was not. Well not most of the time. Maybe sometimes. No, I was rarely _dramatic, _I was merely _hormonal _and you cannot possibly blame a pregnant woman for that. It was beyond my control. If anything it was _his_ fault.

I was, however, gasping for another reason entirely and generally flapping around like a whale drowning on land, clasping the sheets within my fists. In the very corner of my eye I could see a familiar black and white face sitting patiently on the other side of the bed. Watching me. Judging me. Damn cat.

The ball-kicking would have to be saved for later.

-x-x-x-x-x-

It became evident to me as I walked, or rather waddled, around a corner away from the over populated city streets, that I should have ignored Edward this morning. There was a reason I should have stayed in bed. I felt it in my bones. Why I listened to the bullshit he was feeding me I don't know. I was in a foul mood today. Foul. I don't know if it was because I was just tired, or that I was hungry, or that the greasy man on the bus wouldn't let me take his seat. What fucker let's a pregnant woman stand on a fucking bus? What a douchebag.

No, there was no reason for my bad mood. The most obvious thought was to just blame it on the hormones. I'm temperamental. Sue me.

Thinking things would get better, I arrived at work only to see the shop was full and Angela was completely distracted. Silly me thinking the shop would be quieter and Angela may just be able to spare some time to listen to my woes. Oh no, I was left practically alone flying around the shop like a hot air balloon. At hot air balloon shaped like a whale. Angela claimed there was a big order that she needed to "deal with" since it was Halloween so I was left to man the shop. And people weren't any more sympathetic towards me because I was pregnant either.

I grumbled through my shift, ignoring even the nicer comments made by customers regarding my large middle and questions about my due date. Usually I quite enjoyed the attention and conversed for long periods of time about the highs and lows of pregnancy, but not today. I was not in the mood today. I was pissed off and overly emotional for no apparent reason. I was sad and my sadness only fuelled my anger which, in turn, made me sad. I was a crazed lady, my hormones were wild, my feet were fat, I was walking like a duck and needing to piss every five minutes; both my mind and body were tired. I couldn't cope with any additional stress.

Amazingly I made it through the three hours without crying, screaming or shouting any abuse at anyone. Obviously it would have been wrong of me to be rude to a customer. Very unprofessional. There was just the odd occasion where I really wouldn't mind stabbing someone with a liquorice sword or watch them choke on a gobstopper.

I couldn't wait to get back home. I knew exactly what I was going to do, I planned it all in my head on my bus journey. I was going to walk in, find some ice-cream, cake, biscuits, all that shit, find my cat, find some sweatpants and snuggle up in bed watching Bridget Jones's Diary because that woman and I seemed to have a lot in common, maybe slip in a little nap before this damn Halloween party.

And when I got home it was all just how I'd imagined. Everything was going wonderfully, according to plan; my cat was there, I was sprawled over the bed, ice-cream in hand and eyes glued to the plasma on the wall. I barely noticed Alice walk in and plunk herself down beside me I was that entranced by the woman Renée Zellweger was portraying so very well. I continued to gape at the screen, inwardly cringing and snorting to myself whilst mindlessly scooping more ice-cream into my mouth. In fact, it must have been a good thirty minutes before I remembered Alice was still sitting beside me.

The fact she was sitting there hadn't bothered me, it was the fact she was sitting there _silently_. I'd only ever watched one movie with Alice before but her incessant criticisms throughout meant I stopped watching fifteen minutes in. Silence wasn't something she did. I glanced over at her wondering what the fuck it was she wanted me to say, whether I was supposed to say something, and then turned back to Bridget. And then Alice. And then Bridget.

"Fuck," I finally sighed, gaining Alice's attention. Not that I had planned to say anything of use. "I really fucking miss cigarettes." I said after a brief pause. "And alcohol. Everyone has a drink and a cigarette in their hands in this movie." Pause. "Not sure which one I miss more though." I paused again. "Probably the cigarettes."

"Jasper," she said blandly.

I was confused. "What?"

She sighed. "Jasper, that's what's bothering. _He's_ bothering me. I feel like he's being off with me and I just don't know what we're doing anymore. I'm not enjoying this feeling of… vulnerability almost. I'm powerless. This just doesn't happen, Bella. I feel like everything is beyond my control. We've been actually together for a little while now but all I can think is that I want more. Which is ridiculous, what more do I want? I have him now."

Well, at least I didn't have to carry on with pointless conversations to figure out what was going on. To be quite honest, I had become so totally consumed within my own life I wasn't really aware of what was going in anyone else's. Sure, I saw Jasper on a weekly basis but we rarely had the time to have in depth conversations. I turned up, he took his pictures, we'd have brief discussions at most and then I'd leave.

"You've had him for years, you just didn't realise," I muttered whilst running my hands over Hammy as he lay draped across my ballooned middle. Unfortunately, we'd reached a quiet part in the movie and although a mutter it definitely was, it became more audible than I'd hoped.

Alice stared at me for a while, not a considerable amount of time but long enough to make me feel uncomfortable. I wasn't sure whether I was supposed to just stare back at her with some kind of meaningful and understanding look, pat her hand as some form of comfort or just look away. I'm no expert in situations like this, I've never really had any close girlfriends who I shared gossip and _emotions_ with. I spent a lot of my teen years either fucking my boyfriend, getting high or avoiding Charlie. I couldn't handle this.

In the end I went with looking at Hammy instead who was now awake and staring harshly at Alice. I wasn't sure what was happening but I was feeling pretty damn awkward.

"He talks to you about this stuff doesn't he? What he's feeling and such. He doesn't with me… it's like because it has taken years for us to get to this point, we're all go. Everything now. And that is what's making me feel so out of control."

"I haven't spoken to him properly in ages. Maybe you take too much time making sure everything is exactly how you want it to be. I mean, look how long it took you to get together. I don't know why Edward didn't just force you two into bed. Jasper's got you living on the edge, he's spontaneous and you're really not. Just roll with it. I mean, he's so obviously infatuated by you."

"He told me he loved me once. Only once though..." She stared off into nothing and sighed hopelessly. Who even was she right now?

"Oh fuck, Alice, c'mon. I'm gunna be honest, I don't have a fucking clue what is you want me to tell you. You know Jasper loves you. He knows it, I know it, Edward knows it, everyone knows it. And I don't get what "more" you want but have you tried maybe talking to him? Like, uh, that seems like a good place to start. You've got a really good thing with Jasper. I'm definitely interested in him. Wait… no I'm not, that came out wrong."

Alice narrowed her eyes as I waved my hands around, trying to find the words to dig myself out of the hole that was forming.

"I mean, not _literally, _but he's an interesting person. If it wasn't for Edward I wouldn't even know Jasper as well as I do now, so I wouldn't get involved with him. And you're involved. And I'm smitten with Edward, like, uh, totally. I mean completely in love and yeah… I'm not saying it would happen. Or that I want it to. Or would want it to… Because honest to god, I don't, no. He's, like, such a good friend. And Edward-"

"Ok, Bella, just stop. I get it." Alice put her hands up, shaking her head. I should have probably left her to do all the talking.

I frowned.

"I'm just saying, you're so good for each other. You're like opposites in the best way, you fill in the things he lacks and vice versa. That should be enough shouldn't it? Excuse the cliché but you complete other. I'd like to think Edward and I do, too, that's the "something more" in our relationship. That and a baby…"

For a moment we were both quiet, the rambling from the movie filling the otherwise silence. Eventually Alice sighed, "You're right." We both sat watching the rest of the movie but something was bothering me and I just had to air it.

"And I'd like to again highlight the fact I _wouldn't_ go for Jasper myself. Edward is more than enough for me, thank you." Alice smirked and rolled her eyes.

"Bella, shut up, please. You talk too much, it just annoys me after a while."

I nodded, she was definitely right, I did talk too much. Well, too much shit anyway. We were quiet again, both watching Bridget Jones once again.

"I must say though," she started after a while, her eyes still on the film. "Out of all the whores Edward could have slept with, I'm glad he slept with you."

She didn't look at me but I couldn't help glancing over at her with a goofy expression I was trying to pass off as a smirk. I turned back to face the television still with the same expression. "I think that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me," I said, secretly planning to put "BFFL" next to Alice's name on the second of my life-plan lists.

"This woman is you by the way," she added.

I tilted my head at the screen. "Yeah, I know."

I spent the majority of the afternoon with Alice talking about the Halloween party and how ridiculous we were both going to feel dressed up. I decided it would be a laugh anyway, despite the probability of me being the only sober person in sight being high. Alice was her usual pessimistic self, claiming she was going to need all the alcohol she could get her hands on.

When Alice decided she was leaving and we went to make our way downstairs, I knew something was up. Edward's presence in the house was palpable; I wasn't sure quite what it was but whenever he returned home the house smiled. The house never smiled for me but when he was here everything was just, better. Even when something was wrong. The house didn't feel like it was smiling today though, it felt uneasy, like the bringer of bad news.

Edward was talking Laurent about something or other while reading a letter, they both laughed a little and Laurent looked up at both Alice and I before nodding and leaving. He still creeped me out more than anyone else but I gave him a polite smile before making a beeline for Edward's side.

"I had a shitty time at work today, thanks for making me go," I said as I put my forehead against his arm. His body jiggled a little as he laughed and then sighed, resting his head briefly on top of mine before kissing it and folding up the letter he has previously been reading.

I took a step back from him and smiled but he wasn't looking at me, he was looking at Alice. The two appeared to be sharing a brief exchange, Alice's eyes were questioning and Edward seemed to look away shyly before meeting her eyes again with a quick nod. For a moment, Alice looked elated but then she glanced at me almost sympathetically and Edward frowned.

"Ok, well, I need to go and see what Jasper is doing. Tonight is going to be _awful_," she moaned, pinching the bridge of her nose. "I mean seriously, fancy dress. The last fancy dress I attended was when I was ten years old. Ten. And I was a princess. But Jasper _insisted_ we match or something so."

"I'm sure it won't be so bad, Alice. You do over exaggerate things," Edward snorted, the two of them continuing as if nothing had just happened.

"Well maybe it won't be so bad, and maybe that'll be because I plan on being completely drunk from the beginning of the night until the very end. Anyway, I'll see you later." She leant up to Edward's ear and whispered something before kissing his cheek and then turning to me and doing the same. She squeezed my hand before she disappeared and that simple gesture made my heart sink.

Alice lacked in sympathy, especially towards me, but that squeeze of my hand was most definitely sympathetic. Nothing seemed _wrong_ as such, but something wasn't quite right. So as soon as the door shut I looked at Edward with narrow eyes and asked what exactly had just gone on.

"What was what?" he asked, when I questioned his and Alice's silent conversation. He was moving towards the kitchen so I followed behind, still completely lost and already a little annoyed.

"_That_. That thing you and Alice were doing. What was it about, because something has clearly happened and you haven't told me yet, so please tell me now."

He sighed, walking over to opposite side of the kitchen to where I was stood, leaning against a counter. "You couldn't let me build up to it or anything, could you?" I crossed my arms against my chest and waited for him to just say what it was. I can't say I knew what to expect, there wasn't anything I could think of that was truly terrible other than Esme's cancer getting worse, but he would be acting completely differently if that was the case.

"The meeting I went to this morning, it was, uh…" He scratched his forehead before running a hand through his hair, making it stick in all sorts of directions. He shrugged. "Well, there's good news and bad news. I got the promotion."

"Oh, Edward!" I nearly shrieked. "That's amazing, that's…" I shook my head, my smile so wide it was ridiculous. I knew how much he had wanted this, and Edward rarely wanted much, but he wanted this more than anything. And, as per usual, he was being trying to be so modest about it while I couldn't help but be thrilled for him.

He was proud of himself, the smirk that crept up on his face as soon as he said "promotion" really said it all. He had to be proud of himself, I sure fucking was. We both knew how much time and effort he put into his job and it seemed to all be coming together for him now. My heart swelled up and I instinctively went to hug him or kiss him, but he wasn't done and as daunting as it was, there was a "but", there was bad news, and that stopped me from moving any closer.

I covered my mouth with my hands, trying to calm my excitement. "Ok, what's the bad news?" I asked through my hands, not really wanting to acknowledge any "bad news" but fully aware there were some. Green eyes met mine and I bit my lip in anticipation.

"Edward, is it really bad?" I asked, wanting to at least brace myself if it was. And by brace myself I meant prepare the waterworks if necessary.

"No, no, it's just… it's just bad timing really." He blew out air exasperatedly. "I, uh, well, Aro really and the company, I guess, want me working with another branch in Europe. I'll still be based here, it just means I'll have to go over there a few times. And if I take the promotion then I'll be in London for two weeks in November or December and up to a month in January…"

I stood for a moment trying to comprehend what that meant. It took me longer than it probably should have to figure it out.

"I'd probably have to go back a few times after that, but not for as long and it would be quite a while afterwards."

I'd removed my hands from my mouth, instead putting one on my hip and using the other to play with my bottom lip, while I just stared at Edward. It was the in between bits, the things he wasn't saying that had me feeling quite queasy now but I didn't want to directly address what I was now beginning to fear. It wasn't him going away as such; I could deal with that easily enough. We had phones and laptops and the internet, communication would be fine, it was just the _timing_.

The timing was horrendous. The timing was the deal-breaker.

"Would you be here for Christmas?" I asked.

"I don't know…" He said, clearly distressed.

"Oh…" I moved my hand from my lip to rub my chest in my best attempt to calm the anxious feeling that was making itself known within my chest cavity and increasing the rate at which my heart was beating. "And January?" I could feel the clicking and wheezing start up again as I breathed in and out. "We're definitely going to have a baby by January."

"I know."

"We might have one at pretty much any time in December, Edward. And if you don't know when you're going or coming back… and anyway I might…"

My lungs felt as though they were being squeezed together, my airways felt restricted and if I wasn't careful an anxiety attack was definitely imminent. I was unsure whether Edward had noticed how physically distressed I was, other than my heavy breathing and rubbing my hand again and again over the exposed part of my chest, I thought I remained pretty composed. It was just a shame I was anything but on the inside.

The only reason I had been so calm up until this point about the baby was that I knew Edward was going to be there with me. If anything went wrong, if I happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, I knew Edward would be there. He was my life-line in all of this, the crutch that would keep me up. He was my one and only constant, and now he wasn't even that.

It wasn't that I was disappointed in him, it was not his fault this was all happening now, I just felt I no-longer knew where I stood. At present, I almost felt as though I'd taken a few steps backwards, it was as if my mind was having a relapse back to a few months before things were good, before things were certain. What if things did go wrong and Edward wasn't there? What if they went right and he wasn't there? I knew I would never be alone, but I didn't want to have a baby, my first child, without Edward. I wasn't even sure if I was mentally capable of doing so any more.

About thirty seconds passed before I closed my eyes and breathed out. When I opened them again, Edward had a hand out beckoning me over. I complied, closing the distance between us jutting my bottom lip out to emphasise my upset. He smiled, taking my hand and spinning me around so that he was hugging me from behind, his arms finding their way around my waist, his hands cradling my stomach.

Just his touch was soothing enough for me. At least for the time being I knew I was safe and everything was fine.

"I guess I'm just going to have to sew up my vagina until you get back," I joked.

Nevermind sewing up my vagina, really all I wanted to do was cry. Cry and cry and think up the worst possible situations where I end up in labour alone and dying and without Edward and… fuck.

"I haven't accepted the offer yet, they give you two days to think about it so-"

I turned my head to the side where his chin was resting on my shoulder. "Shut up, Edward. You're not turning this down, you'd have to be insane not to take this opportunity and I would be a seriously shitty girlfriend to let you."

"But I'd be a seriously good boyfriend for declining it."

"No, you'd just be retarded," I corrected, shaking my head. He chuckled, lazily turning his head into the crook of my neck, through my hair, placing gentle kisses everywhere before finally nuzzling his nose into my hair.

"I'll do what I can but I just don't want to leave you, especially like this. I don't want to miss out on anything but more than that I don't want you to be alone." _Oh god_. A huge lump appeared in my throat and I almost started crying then and there. I didn't want him to go, I didn't want him to miss out, I didn't want to be alone.

Fucking fuck. Fucking. Why.

I turned around, releasing myself from his grasp so that I could look at him properly. "I hope he has your eyes," I said, looking deeply into Edward's and putting my hand to his face. I'd never known anyone with green eyes before I'd met him, but there was something so entrancing about them I'd hoped and prayed LM had them too.

"You won't miss out because I'm sewing my vagina up, remember? If the worst comes to the worst you know I won't be alone, and the only thing you'll miss out on is what I imagine to be a very painfully and gory experience." I smiled, taking my hand from his face. "We'll figure it out, it'll be fine."

I wasn't sure who I was trying to convince here, him or me. In the end, neither of us looked particularly reassured, I could tell Edward still had his worries and uncertainties and I still had all of mine plus some. I wasn't sure what was going on anymore, I didn't know what decisions I was supposed to make from here.

To be honest I didn't really want to make any decisions, I just wanted to go to cry and then fall asleep. The last thing on my to-do list was attending this bloody Halloween party. I couldn't even consume any alcohol so I'd be drinking orange juice all night, maybe some lemonade if I was allowed to get a little bit crazy.

I should never have gotten out of that fucking bed this morning.

-x-x-x-x-x-

Taking a nap following Edward's announcement was probably one of the better choices of the day. My general bad mood had only been made worse by hormones and probably a lack of sleep, so I'd dragged Edward upstairs with me to bed, mainly because I was sad and needing something other than my body pillow to cuddle. Instead of crying, I'd decided to box up all of my emotions for now and leave them in the very back of my mind. Like Pandora's Box, it was probably best left unopened, but inevitably would have its contents exposed at some later stage.

Honestly, I didn't even know where to begin. I hit a complete brain fail as soon as I even tried to comprehend what was going on. For now, all I was going to take notice of was Edward and his achievement, everything else would just have to be dealt with at a later stage. Although I'd rather not have to deal with them at all. I didn't want to think about being alone…

"Are you alright?" Edward asked as he leant against the closet door, attempting to comb his hand through his slicked back hair and pull me from my reverie. I'd been sitting on the bed, leaning back on my hands to support my own body weight, waiting for Edward to perfect his outfit for what felt like forever. In reality, it was probably an additional five minutes.

I blinked, bringing myself back to the real world before sighing. "No, Edward, I'm not. I look like a prostitute." I looked down at my attire and then back at him. "Seriously, all I can see is boob, like, I can _just_ about see my belly, that's how big they're looking."

"They're not _that_ big, Bella, surely," he snorted.

"Yeah well, they're not attached to your chest," I grumbled, choosing to poke one of my breasts with a finger only to frown when I felt how _full_ they were. I'd reached the stage where pregnancy was just becoming uncomfortable. It wasn't the lovely, relaxed, blissful experience it was but a month or two ago. No, now it was feeling a lot like hard work. _Constant_ hard work and it only got worse not better.

Sometimes I visited a few pregnancy forums online in an attempt to find solace and I soon learnt you can always find people having just as miserable a time as yourself on the internet. It's a beautiful thing really. I almost cried when I saw I wasn't the only one to have sneezed and basically peed themselves. Edward hadn't appreciated that story so much but it went down a treat with the girls online.

Pregnancy was getting the better of me and I wasn't even sure what the "better" part of me even was. I just couldn't be bothered, I just wanted to sleep a lot. Sometimes all I could bear to do was paint, but even then I could only last so long before the smell of the paint proved too much. I managed a brave face for Olivia but Edward was really getting the back-end of this pregnancy. Mood swings, random crying, horniness, pissing at all times of the night and so on and so forth.

Needless to say, the fact I had _somehow_ managed to force my elephant-self into a white body con dress all for the sake of dressing up, hugging absolutely everything there was to hug, exaggerating both my stomach and my boobs, had me less than impressed.

"You don't look like a prostitute. Prostitutes tend not to be eight months pregnant anyway."

"Yeah." I gestured to the length of my body. "This is why. No-one would want to pay to sleep with this."

"I would." Edward turned away from the mirror he was posing in to face me again, sweeping the red cape he had on around as he did, just the end of his devils tail peeking out from underneath. Edward was looking pretty damn fine as the devil. He'd been against wearing the standard red devil horns for fear of looking like a stripper, but as I actually looked like a whore, it really was the least he could do.

The black and red theme he had going on really was quite something. Something I wanted to rip off of him immediately. If I could be bothered…

He gave me a cheeky grin and a wink and I couldn't help but giggle. Pathetic really, the more I tried to stop it, the more forceful the need to laugh was.

"Oh god, how much have you drank?" I asked as I felt around the bed for my angel wings and halo.

"One glass. Not really a fan of drinking for the obvious reasons," he said somewhat serious. _Oh yeah, alcoholic ex-wife, countless one night stands I'm sure and one of them resulting in a pregnancy; drinking's going well for you, babe._

I shrugged my shoulders, placing my halo on my head before pulling all of my loosely curled hair to one side. "Well, surely you're allowed to let your hair down once in a while. I'd love a bottle of wine right now, but obviously I'll be sober. I'd stop you from getting out of hand if needs be… which I highly doubt but, y'know. You've got something to celebrate, I might even get some super fizzy orangeade and join you."

Brushing down his black shirt and pants, he made his way over to me and held out his hands to help me up. I was just a huge ball of ridiculous; ridiculous heels, ridiculous dress, ridiculous boobs. Dear fucking god help me.

"Are you sure we're the right roles here? Maybe you should be the devil and I the angel."

"Pah," I scoffed while using his hands to propel myself upward. "That would just be too predictable, Edward." I kissed him quickly on the lips, having found my feet. "Simply too predictable".

"Is that so?" He snorted, clearly doubtful.

"Most definitely," I said, putting my arms into my wings. And thus we were complete. Glitter and all.

"We'll see…"

-x-x-x-x-x-

"How long do you think I should leave it before I stop him?" I asked Alice as we stood just to the side of a rowdy crowd in my brother's living room, heckling, clapping and whistling while the smooth bass of Hot Chocolate's You Sexy Thing played in the background.

She looked at me and shrugged. "I don't know." We both looked out at the scene in front of us before she snorted and added, "Never."

"Huh. Well as much as I love seeing him naked-" I started only to be interrupted my Alice putting her hand up in the air while slightly swaying. Whether she was swaying from her alcohol consumption or simply moving to the music I wasn't sure, I think it might have been a bit of both.

"Hey, woah, I have seen it all before, honey."

"Is that really something you want to see again though? I mean tomorrow morning when your head reminds you of how drunk you are, do you really want flashes of Edward's dick just swinging around in your mind?"

Alice laughed, finishing the last of the lethal-looking green concoction she had in a cup. "Look, all I know is I'm looking so hot tonight and so does my boyfriend and I'm actually having a good time. This is unknown territory for me but I'm not stopping either of them, you can do whatever you like." She bumped her ass into my side and smiled widely before shouting, "Take it all off!"

Honestly, who the fuck was this and what had they done with Alice.

I hated being the sober one at a party. No amount of sugary drink could get me past this slightly hyperactive stage I'd reached.

Hyperactive, what the fuck, am I five?

Everything seemed a bit surreal as I walked about the house. It was almost as if I'd been caught in some retarded time warp where I'd returned to a house party during my teen years, except I was still pregnant. And sober. Emmett and Rose had really pulled out all the stops with everything; decoration, food and drinks, and I was one of very few who could fully appreciate it. My vision wasn't distorted in any way shape or form, I saw everything and everyone for what it was. Unfortunately.

The house was full of people, laughing, dancing, music and the outfits were really rather impressive. Quite a few people had gone all out. I felt much more at ease upon my arrival seeing I was not alone and that there was indeed an array of prostitutes attending. Surely this would mean the sober pregnant one would be ignored, I thought. Unfortunately it didn't quite work out that way, apparently drunk people were drawn to me.

I was subject to a cornucopia of pregnancy jokes I hadn't previously been aware of, LM must have been hating the world for the amount of times people garbled bullshit at him, and my boobs had been groped a good ten times by different people. Admittedly, five of them were women; three of them checking they were real, one was comparing theirs to mine, and one just liked touching boobs apparently. _Each to their own_. The other two were Jasper, dressed as Mr Rabbit, and Edward. Edward being the worst offender, _obviously. _He'd be talking to me and then his eyes would wander down to my chest and his hands followed.

"Is the devil yours?" I looked to my left side to see a woman dressed as a cat, looking right back at me before looking at Edward. She seemed sober enough, unlike most others in the room.

"Uh, yeah," I said, not knowing whether I wanted to laugh or cry about it.

"Ah, the devil made you do it, huh?" She said, nodding at my bump and laughing. "My husband's Superman. Well, he thinks he is but I can tell you otherwise. I'm sure you'll see what I mean in a minute…"

Edward and Jasper along with three other guys dressed as Superman, Popeye and Harry Potter had decided to take part in a striptease. Edward's shirt was already off, Jasper had undone the rabbit suit he was in and also had his chest exposed, Superman and Harry were basically naked and Popeye was about to remove his underwear. I was doubtful over whether eating spinach had any effect on what was hidden underneath.

"Oh my fucking god…" I said into the hand that was over my mouth as items of clothing went flying about the place, much to the excitement of those watching. So this is what happened when I left Edward with alcohol and those also under the influence. Jesus Christ.

I was in two minds; one part of me wanted to join the drunken mob, chanting words of encouragement until we were down to the goods, maybe pulling out my phone and recording what was left of the show. The other part, the sober, pregnant part knew all to well that if Edward was in his right mind, he would probably not be so keen on dangling his cock, as breathtaking as it was, in front of a random group of drunks. Plus that shit was my property and the other whores in the room were looking a little too keen, despite the majority of them being married with kids.

Maybe I should have allowed him to leave the horns at home. I felt like the horns were bringing this side out. Oh God. And he didn't even want to drink. I was the worst kind of person, the kind of person who never did anything crazy themselves but always encouraged others to do them. I'm the kind of person also known as a pussy. And my powers of influence had clearly worked on Edward. I'd created a monster. Maybe not a monster, but definitely a drunk. This was my doing. And he was going to get naked and shake his tight ass cheeks about.

"Bella!" Rose squealed, throwing her arms around me dramatically. My face was being attacked by her golden curls; all part of her Sandy outfit from the end scene of Grease. Of course it was complete with the tight black leggings and tank top. "Look how cute you are being so fat, aw, baby girl. Fuck, Bells, your tits look amazing!" She turned to the cat woman still standing by me. "Don't her tits look amazing, woah!"

I wanted to roll my eyes but smiled anyway and was about to ask what I should do about Edward when she caught sight of Alice standing beside me and exclaimed to anyone listening, "My brother adores this girl! I love her, how hot is she!"

I snorted as I watched Rose gushing over her and Alice happy to receive the compliments. To be fair, as Jessica Rabbit, Alice was looking so good. How she managed to remain so classy at such an event was beyond me, it hadn't worked that way for me… Still, as soon as Emmett made an appearance dressed as Danny to match Rose, singing "I've got chills, they're multiplying!" immediately removing his top and throwing it aside as if to join the nearly naked men, I decided to make a swift exit. I did not want the images in my head, it was already bringing back bad memories. Luckily I found some candy in the kitchen which genuinely thrilled me despite having eaten a stupid amount of it already.

Bella Swan, always the life and soul of the party. Oh yeah.

I'd really come far with people though, being around them in social situations as opposed to work, but there was still a point that, when reached, I simply ran out of things to do or say and I still wasn't sure what to do then. Luckily the drunk witch, beer bottle, tampon and Mr T I'd come across so far hadn't noticed the lack of conversation on my side. I wish I was like Edward. He was like a social butterfly, he knew just what to say when to say and people just seemed so charmed by him. Before arriving he'd been worried about not "fitting in" or something along the pathetic lines of.

I told him to man-the-fuck-up and have a drink or two. Or five.

Of course for him, if all else failed he just took his clothes off.

"Oh my god, Bella, you have to…!" Alice fell into the kitchen in fits of laughter, unable to finish her sentence or stand straight without assistance. She reached out for my hand eventually, dragging me back to the other room while she stumbled ahead.

"Harry, I want your Basilisk in my chamber of secrets!" was the first thing I heard on entering the room aside from the stripper music and hooting and howling.

As soon as Emmett was in my peripheral vision I put a hand up to shield myself from him. There was just no way I was even risking it. Just a glimpse of his balls would no doubt have me hurling. I was feeling a little queasy just thinking about it. Alice took me back to where we had been standing previously and dear fucking god. I was about to die. Harry Potter had it all hanging out, as did Popeye. Popeye was literally about to pop eyes out with that thing, apparently the spinach really was working for him.

Luckily, _luckily, _and I thanked all the gods that there may or may not be, Edward, Jasper and Superman were still in their underwear. Still the thrusting was ridiculous and the movement from underneath the remaining material was seriously just freaking me out now. And, like his wife had said, Superman didn't seem to have the package expected from such a hero. I didn't even look in Emmett's direction but assumed the worst since Rose was going crazy.

I couldn't help but laugh. Everything was so fucking weird. Half an hour ago this was a Halloween Party, now it was a strip club. And I was so sober it was almost painful, I wanted to be drunk but hey. I had something to look forward to when Ethan was born.

Edward had been watching me ever since I'd reappeared and was pulling all sorts of poses as if it was for my benefit. This made me laugh more and worsened when he prowled over, looking at me like I was his prey. The hair that had previously been slick and sexy was now wild as he continually dragged his hands through it, leaving a tamed bush on top of his head. His shirt was lost forever, his pants somewhere on the floor and his red cape turned half way across his front.

When he started grinding up against me, I shrieked causing a rupture of laughter. It was terrible and it was quite hot as well which made it even more terrible.

"Ok, how much have you had? You stink of alcohol you know," I laughed as he went to attack my neck with kisses and nibbles. How he remained so sexy as a drunken mess was beyond me.

"Me?" He said between kisses, his voice slurred. "All sorts. I'm celebrating… Halloween, you smell so nice."

"Edward, you're such a dick, seriously," I laughed again. "A striptease, really? I didn't know that was your style."

He shook his head and shrugged his shoulders. "Stripteases are my speciality, Bella. And I will be willing to do them whenever. All the time. I love being naked and my dick. And I love you. I love you," he burbled.

I sighed. "Right." Taking his hand and giving an apologetic look to those who were still wanting more, I took the opportunity to remove him leaving his underwear intact.

"Aw, Bella, you're such a spoil sport, we've been dying to see what you've been working with," Rose said with a pout as I passed behind her, Edward following me like an obedient dog.

"Another time maybe," I joked. "I doubt you would have been able to handle in anyway," I said cheekily, winking at her just before we disappeared form view. Oh, look at me, throwing that in there.

Once in the kitchen, I pulled out a stool and sat on it holding Edward's hands in front of me, unable to stop myself from laughing again at just the sight of him. He seemed completely lost. The more I laughed the more confused he looked, he stared at me with such concentration his eyes barely moved from me. I knew that to be quite a feat since just a few seconds earlier he seemed unable to focus properly on anything.

"Are you laughing at me?" he asked, eyes wide and a slightly dejected look about him.

"Aw, baby," I cooed at him putting a hand to his face. "I love you, you're just… so drunk. And it's freaking me out a bit." I looked at him and smiled. People began to filter back through the house, behind Edward I could see Alice and Jasper in the hallway all over each other. I guess the show was over.

"I'm not actually…" He stopped, frowned and sighed, combing a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry that I have to go away. But when I'm back then it'll be good and fine and we can probably have sex but if not then I can just cuddle you instead." He kissed the top of my head, the smell of alcohol lingering over him.

A drunk Edward was a lovely Edward, child-like if anything. Not aggressive or loud and obnoxious, just the right amount of everything to make him entertaining and loveable. But as much as I appreciated his drunken words and adorable face, all I could concentrate on was my chest and the familiar yet fucked up pains I was getting there. I pressed a hand to it hoping the pressure would some how alleviate my discomfort.

Edward had tilted his head to one side and was looking at me with concern, unfocussed, drunken concern as soon as my hand had moved to my chest. It was painful in a sense but nothing I couldn't handle, just the price of being greedy I guess. But just as I opened my mouth to say "heartburn", something I was pretty used to having when I ate too much, all the air in my lungs was sucked out, I almost heard it leave my lungs but nothing was going back in. I sat up completely straight, my mouth open as I attempted and failed to put oxygen back into my lungs.

"I can't breathe," I said as panic began to set it. Air was going into my mouth but I just couldn't catch a breath. The more I tried the more I panicked, the more I panicked I began to realise I was starting to hyperventilate. The realisation that I was hyperventilating only caused more panic and before I knew it I was full on gasping.

"Edward, I can't breathe," I gasped. I was freaking out, and my freaking out was not helping but I couldn't help it, I automatically thought I was going to die. And Edward being drunk and slow took extra long to figure out I was having some sort of attack and that he seriously needed to do something because I didn't know what the fuck to do. All I could think of was sit here and cry until I had no air left and then die.

"I can't…" My valuable breath was being wasted on the repetition of the same useless sentence. At least now Edward was doing something about it, he was saying something to me and someone else in the kitchen had come over, too. I had no idea what was going on but my chest cavity felt like it was constricting tighter and tighter. All I wanted to do was breathe.

I just wanted to breathe.

By now Edward was fussing, Rose was panicking, Emmett had come barging in but only one person seemed to be talking any sense to me and I could barely hear them over my own panicking and now everyone else's. I did hear the word 'baby' though which only sent me into another round of hysterics, all the while holding Edward's hand as though for dear life.

If I couldn't breathe then where the hell was LM getting his oxygen from?

"Bella, you need to calm down," someone said but I wasn't really paying attention at all. It was all happening so quickly and my head was getting hot and dizzy and I couldn't breathe, or hear properly, or think properly. It continued for a while, this garbled mess, me gasping for air, the room getting hot, people making noise.

And then everything stopped.

**This has taken me 6 months to write. How ridiculous is that. I know, I know. Oh how I wish to hug you all! Hello, hello, it's been too long! I've missed you, I've missed this, and although I don't feel completely happy with this chapter it's something and I feel like I owe it to you all…**

**You're going to have to tell me what you thought, more than anything I need to know what you liked/disliked, would like this to go etc etc. I crave constructive criticism. Plus there are only like 2/3 chapters left and I need to make them worth the read. Just realised I put Olivia's name in here once but made no reference to where she is... woops.**

**Sorry, I've missed you all so much I want to cry. I feel like I'm home again ugh. Oh and also, I was looking through this whole story on FF the other day and noticed the time lapses/break lines whatever they're called were missing! WTF. I'm sorry if you've had to read the whole story without them, I need to go through and put them back in. Honestly, I was like bitch no you didn't.**

**I'm going to write something on LJ later about ma life and what I've (not) been doing so. I'm xogossipgirl21, go find me. **

**Julia, I love you forever and a day. And then another day. Obviously, I'm just in love with you ugh.**

**I love you all, I'm sorry, forgive me, it's here, leave me reviews. **

**XOXO**


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